Pretty amazing. And it’s still coming down! But, strangely enough, this bothers me a lot less than the eighty-degree day we had earlier this week. I’ve done a complete one-eighty from loving heat and loathing the cold. Gimme hot tea and blankies! You can keep the sweat and bugs and burns of summer.

The real bummer is that all the precipitation we’ve gotten this week has led to water seepage in our basement. Again. But my wonderful handy husband is on the case, so i’m not too worried about it just yet.

This book is extremely popular and came very highly recommended to me by someone i know and love, but after reading just ten percent of it, i’ve decided to put it aside. In the past i would’ve powered through it, but there are so many good books out there that i haven’t read yet and that i will only ever get a chance to read a small sampling of that i’ve decided to start giving up on books that i just don’t enjoy. Plus, i really super want to read Hunger Games again. RIGHTNOW.

The book is a love story about a man and woman who live in modern times. The guy, Henry, has a disorder that sends him suddenly into a different time (and space, i might add) somewhat randomly. He can’t control when or where or what time period he goes to or how long he stays there, and he always comes back to his normal timeline. It seems he returns to his present timeline plus the duration of time he was away though, rather than popping back into the moment he popped out of. Thus, his wife has to be without him much of the time, and it’s a very conveniently romantically tragic thing. Except to me it also seems quite comical. You know how narcolepsy is used as a comedic device in movies and such? Well, this chronolepsy or whatever Niffenegger decided to call Henry’s disorder seems kind of similar to narcolepsy except about ten times more ridiculous. Henry shows up after his time jumps naked and ill. So he’ll be minding his own business, reading the newspaper, and suddenly he’s flung naked and vomiting into another time and place. Absolutely silly, if you ask me. Sounds like a great premise for a British comedy.

Henry also conveniently usually happens to time travel to times and places where either he or his wife exist. This allows for all sorts of weird sexual encounters—yes, even with himself. Which is disgusting. Really, Henry and Clare’s relationship seems to be more sexually based than rooted in actual love. Middle-aged Henry informs the young version of his wife that they’re going to end up married one day, and so she loves him and wants to have a lot of sex with him. And then she gets to tell him the same thing one day when she, as a young adult, meets him—also a young adult—on the normal timeline for the first time, and he has the same reaction. ‘Hi, nice to meet you. I’m going to marry you one day, you say? Neat, let’s have sex.’

I don’t like Henry much as a character. He does all sorts of criminal things out of necessity when he time travels; stealing clothes and money and breaking into people’s houses and such. Which i guess is forgivable. But he also just seems like kind of a scumbag. Maybe because he effed himself, maybe because he unquestioningly effed Clare on the first date knowing that she would become a very important person in his life, i don’t know. There’s just nothing about him that strikes me as this is a good guy i ought to care about. And Clare isn’t my favorite, either. There’s nothing particularly endearing about her.

I read some reviews on Goodreads to try to gauge whether i should keep reading the book or not, and it seemed that people either loved reading the book and hated the ending, or just didn’t like anything about the book. So i went ahead and read a plot synopsis and spoiled the ending for myself. Meh. It is kind of an interesting premise, to be able to visit your past and future selves and partners, and i think that the loopy timeline is handled about as well as such a messy thing can be handled. But the writing is nothing special and the characters are nothing special, and i think the whole time jumping disorder is a flimsy basis for the story. Too many things are too convenient, and while that’s often the case with time travel stories, this one takes it a little too far for my taste.

I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to draw conclusions about certain groups of people. Our brains rely on heuristics to identify potential mates and enemies, so it’s important that we be able to jump to conclusions about people. There are real distinctions among certain groups. Men are on average taller than women. That’s a fact. Men are on average physically stronger than women, too. I think that would be a fact even if nobody ever thought or talked about it. It’s not socially constructed, it’s just a trait of our species. There are more detailed conclusions that are based on observation; for example, i’ve observed that most people my age have seen The Princess Bride, and so it shocks me when i meet someone who hasn’t. That’s an expectation that’s pretty harmless. But then there are conclusions that are just dead wrong and harmful, like atheists are immoral people, or fat people are stupid. These are stereotypes that have no basis in fact and have definite negative consequences.

What interests me the most, though, is the blurry in-between ground that’s a lot trickier to tease out, like the notions that women love shoes or men like sports. Do men like sports because they’re expected to like sports and therefore pushed toward them from the time they’re little, or do they inherently have a propensity to enjoy friendly competition? I think it’s definitely both. We do steer our children and our peers in certain directions with our expectations. And usually those expectations have originated from perfectly natural patterns of behavior and are therefore pretty harmless.

But occasionally someone feels unnatural in the box they’ve been “put” into; a guy who doesn’t like sports, for example. So what should he do about it? What does our society really allow? Well, there are plenty of guys who don’t like sports and don’t pretend to, and nobody seems to mind very much. It’s not really an issue that we expect guys to like sports. What if a girl gets an unusual haircut and gets teased about it? Not a huge deal; she can either choose to get a more normal look when the hair grows back, or simply tell the teasers that she likes her hair this way and they can go worry about something else. I don’t think it’s a huge deal that there are norms and that we aren’t usually very graceful about it when we notice something that’s out of the norm. But what if, say, a kid is obese and doesn’t want to be obese, and he gets tormented for it? Then we have a problem.

I just read The Help, which is about race relations in Mississippi in the ‘60s. I don’t want to delve into what i thought of the book (good but a little overrated), but here’s a quote from it that i thought was interesting—and for reference, it’s from the POV of a black maid named Minny and she’s talking to her friend Aibileen about her white employer, Celia:

“She just don’t see em. The lines. Not between her and me, not between her and Hilly.”
Aibileen takes a long sip of her tea. Finally I look at her. “What you so quiet for? I know you got a opinion bout all this.”
“You gone accuse me a philosophizing.”
“Go ahead,” I say. “I ain’t afraid a no philosophy.”
“It ain’t true.”
“Say what?”
“You talking about something that don’t exist.”
I shake my head at my friend. “Not only is they lines, but you know good as I do where them lines be drawn.”
Aibileen shakes her head. “I used to believe in em. I don’t anymore. They in our heads. People like Miss Hilly is always trying to make us believe they there. But they ain’t.”

Obviously racism is a harmful stereotype. The characters were facing down some very real and very devastating consequences for failing to conform to the roles they were expected to play. They knew that opposing their white employers meant certain financial ruination, likely physical harm, and even possible death. And yet Aibileen said the lines they were crossing didn’t even exist.

I think the point being made here is that in a free country, the boxes we’re put into are only as real as we allow them to be. It is the conformity to them that allows them to exist.

That bully wants the fat kid to hate himself. In his world view, he’s superior to the fat kid because he’s skinny. And if the fat kid and all the other kids in the school say nothing about it, then the bully wins. In his head, he was right.

I think, by the way, that this is what the fat acceptance movement is all about. It’s about giving the bullies the finger instead of trying to change for them. It’s not wrong or harmful to other fat people to want to lose weight if the weight is causing you pain or ill health. But maybe it’s wrong to want to lose weight just because somebody called you fat once. I mean, fuck them. Change for yourself, not for anyone else. Right? Right.

I see people taking the backlash way too far though, too. If someone pushes you in one direction and you go running the opposite way, you’ve still allowed them to determine your course. If the world loves Twilight so you automatically hate it just to be “different”; if society seems to expect you to be feminine so you throw away all your makeup and bras and high heels just to spite “them”; if you get a whole bunch of piercings because of the negative attention they garner; if someone tells you fat isn’t sexy so you go around shouting that skinny isn’t sexy either, you’re not changing the world for the better. You’re just trying to bring attention to the other side of the same damn coin—the outside of the box. That’s not the solution. The solution is to realize that the box doesn’t exist at all, and act accordingly.

Constantine sat down next to me, at the kitchen table. I heard the cracking of her swollen joints. She pressed her thumb hard in the palm of my hand, somthing we both knew meant Listen. Listen to me.
‘Ever morning, until you dead in the ground, you gone have to make this decision.’ Constantine was so close, I could see the blackness of her gums. ‘You gone have to ask yourself, Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?’

1. Spend way less time looking at and commenting on Facebook, Twitter, and other people’s blogs. I’ve actually been surprisingly good about this. I’ve hardly looked at Twitter at all this year. I’ll occassionally post a tweet or a reply, but i try to keep it positive. Same with Facebook. And i’ve entirely quit reading blogs except for one that i peek at every week or so. I don’t miss any of these things at all. Getting away from social media has definitely been necessary, and possibly even beneficial for me.

2. Take care of my health. I’ve been to the doctor a lot recently. I don’t have gastritis after all, but they’re not sure yet what exactly is going on. So right now i’m having a bunch of tests done and i’m pretty much back to my normal diet. I still feel a little shy with alcohol and coffee, though. I haven’t been walking the dog much because i feel like he’s sort of afraid of it…

My next endeavor is to get up at the same time for a solid month, weekends included. It’s going to suck and i might completely fail to ever do it, but right now the absolute worst part of every day is getting out of bed and i want to change that. They say it sucks less if you just stick to your schedule even on the weekends, so i’m going to give it a shot.

3. Avoid watching violent shows. I think i’ve been doing this. And i think it’s a good thing.

4. Send more cards. I’ve sent one card and one pretty awesome birthday gift so far this year. It makes me feel really good. I need to keep gradually increasing this.

5. Blog more. Hence, this post.

6. Do more research. Eh… Not so much. I’m still trying to find a better source than YouTube for videos that are informative and interesting.

7. Curl my hair. I cut my own bangs, does that count? I thought it was an improvement. And i sort of learned how to put my hair up in a sock bun. I changed my conditioner and started using more of my sleek-ifying hair product, so i think my hair is generally starting to look a little better. I want to continue to figure out things to do with it. And i want to keep getting clothes that make me feel pretty. I’m kind of figuring out better ways to do my makeup, too. And now i’m quite sick of talking about this subject. Next!

8. Read good books. I decided to go on a fiction stint instead. I’m really enjoying myself, and for that reason i think it’s surely worthwhile. I’m currently reading The Time Machine, which is a lot shorter than i realized. I like it a lot.

9. Do more gardening. We’re still buried in snow here, but this reminds me that i need to start some seeds this weekend…

10. Take more initiative around the house. I’ve been doing more in the kitchen, but i haven’t done much beyond that. I’m sure i’ll get into the swing of it when spring comes.

11. Be a better friend. I’ve been better about not giving advice, but i’ve also been pretty much avoiding trying to arrange to meet with people. I’m such a homebody lately; i enjoy being at home with my dog and my husband and my teas and my books so much that i forget to go out and socialize once in a while.

12. Do more with my job. I’ve been doing some Javascript lessons on Codecademy. Slowly. I’m not sure what else to do.

13. Listen to a broader range of music. I’ve been pretty focused on my ’90s playlists, which are composed mostly of things i’m already familiar with, if we’re being honest. I discovered Ride and Superchunk and Pavement and The Breeders and Talk Talk and Cocteau Twins, but i haven’t listened to any of those extensively and i’ve been kind of ignoring new music, so i’d call this one a fail. I’ve purchased a couple of CDs, at least, including the fabulous new Tegan & Sara album Heartthrob.

14. Take really good care of Griz. Ugh, i think i’m failing at this one, too. He seems sad and i haven’t made any progress with his behavior issues. I’m trying, it’s just a lot of work to take care of another being. I need to try harder.

15. Work on being less negative. I occasionally still catch myself griping about something or being grumpy in general for no good reason, but keeping away from social media has made me feel way less negative in general. I rarely go home from work with a storm cloud hanging over my head anymore. And i’m trying not to hate people, but that’s going to take a lot of work. Possibly i need to work on how i feel about myself first.

I stayed home sick the past couple of days. These were my companions:

A warm puppy, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, and lots of rooibos tea (one of the wonderful things i’ve discovered on my new diet).

This is my third book of the year. It’s a thousand pages long. First, i finished The Night Circus. It was just wonderful. The end could’ve perhaps been a little more spectacular, but it could’ve been a lot worse, too, so i’m quite happy. Then i finished The Antidote, which was not as good as i had hoped but was thought-provoking enough that i can’t even really figure out how to write a reaction to it without trying to delve into the nature of happiness and getting myself into a big mess. And now i’m working on this book because it’s one that Erin Morgenstern cited as her inspiration for The Night Circus. They’re quite different, but i can see the small things she borrowed from it here and there.

Nathan and i went to see The Book Of Mormon at the civic center last month. I loved it. It’s very much what you’d expect from the creators of South Park. We had dinner at HoQ beforehand and an all-around lovely date night. Here’s something for stars—my lucky ones. I have counted them, and they are beautiful.

This is definitely going to be one of my favorite books of all time. It’s so amazingly pretty. It’s refreshingly well-written, not in the way that Something Wicked This Way Comes is well-written, with poetic language and fascinating metaphors. But more in the sense that the imagery is crystal-clear and abundant and imaginative and wonderful, and everything is described in a way that draws you in and gives you an impression and then illuminates the little details. It moves from general to specific, kinda the way actual experiences tend to do. And everything that’s mentioned amongst the dialog is meaningful. The ticking of a clock. The color of a dress. A glance or a movement or something that someone notices. The whole book just feels so carefully crafted, like a work of art.

And the story. It’s a love story, so of course i’m a sucker for that. But it’s also kind of a mystery, which is always so intriguing. It’s a little bit sad and i suspect it’ll get a lot sadder before i finish, but for the most part it’s just lovely and fun.

I’m trying to kind of savor every word as much as i can, but it’s still going quickly because i find it hard to put the book down. I want to devour it, but i don’t want it to end. And, being a pessimist, i’m afraid it’s either going to end devastatingly tragically or disappointingly happily. After the conclusion of the Hunger Games trilogy, though, i think i’m ready for just about anything Erin Morgenstern could serve up for me. As long as it doesn’t end like that, i’ll be happy. I’m also reluctant to finish it because there’s only this one book, there’s no Part Two for me to eagerly pick up once i finish this installment. Once it’s over, it’s over.

I don’t read a lot of fiction, but this book is making me remember that fiction is wonderful. I want every lady i know to read it (and i say “lady” because i don’t think the men in my life would appreciate it as much). RIGHT NOW. It’s a perfect winter book, so go buy it right now. I will help you if need be. Even if the ending royally stinks, which i doubt it will, the experience up to this point has been great enough for me to make the recommendation prematurely. And i deeply hope that i’m not hyping this thing to the point that people will be disappointed by it. Just open your mind, pick it up, and tell me immediately what you think.

High-fat foods like bacon; alcohol; acidic foods like citrus and tomatoes; caffeinated and carbonated beverages; chocolate; super spicy foods; highly refined foods like white sugar and flour; and NSAIDs (painkillers like aspirin and naproxen). The ones that are the worst for my stomach are alcohol and coffee, so i’m being extra careful not to have any of those. Even decaf coffee makes me hurt. Thankfully, i can still have herbal tea.

The doctor has me taking a medicine in conjunction with the diet for two weeks, and if it helps then i need to keep going on it for two months. So, probably i’m not drinking any alcohol or coffee for the next two months. Wish me luck!

I really hate resolutions because they’re always so lofty and impossible to keep, so i’m going to try to make these as concrete and tangible as i can. These are the specific actions i’m going to try to take this year toward being a happier person.

1. Spend way less time looking at and commenting on Facebook, Twitter, and other people’s blogs.

There are certain topics that emerge over and over again on these three platforms that just confuse and anger me, and suck the joy out of my days. Nutrition, exercise, politics, and religion are a few big ones. I wind up arguing with people and it serves no purpose. I’m no expert, and neither are the people i follow, and all the bickering and snarkiness drag me down. There isn’t much that these three things offer at the moment that make them worth paying attention to, so i’m going to take a break and focus on living my own life instead.

2. Take care of my health

I need to go on a pretty bland diet for at least a couple of months to help my gastritis. I’m also considering taking another Yoga class, or perhaps a ballet class. It would be really good for both me and my dog to get up really [expletive] early and jog him in the morning before work each day. That’s not very likely to happen, but at least i’m considering it.

3. Avoid watching violent shows

I need to not watch violent shows. Game of Thrones, American Horror Story — they just make me feel unhappy.

4. Send more cards

I don’t think i sent but maybe one card in 2012. It’s an easy, fun way to let people know you care, as Hallmark as that may sound. So, i’ll send birthday and Christmas cards, for starters.

5. Blog more

I need to write more and take more pictures, even if it’s only of my stuff or my dog. This one is on my damn list every single year. I’ll try to blog twice a month.

6. Do more research

I need to learn about stuff. Since i’ll be commenting less, i’ll be researching more. I could watch or read one educational thing during my lunch break each day.

7. Curl my hair

I want to do my hair and nails more. This is so dumb, but looking pretty makes me feel happy. I’ll start by doing my hair every Saturday.

8. Read good books

I’ve started a few books in the past few years that i need to finish. Consciousness Explained, Utilitarianism, and Beyond Good and Evil, to name a few. I ditched them for easier books, but i need to power through and then maybe read a couple more good old books of substance.

9. Do more gardening

I’m going to probably get myself a grow light and do a lot of research about how to grow things properly. Gardening is pretty complicated, but it’s so rewarding.

10. Take more initiative around the house

Making things in the kitchen, repairing things, having services done, building things, etc. It’s really satisfying. I’ll do at least one thing each week.

11. Be a better friend

I need to take the time to take more interest in other people, if that makes any sense. But i also need to not try to give my friends advice all the time. I’ll go on at least one girl date each month.

12. Do more with my job

I’ve got to teach myself Javascript one of these days. I’ll give Codecademy another shot.

13. Listen to a broader range of music

I started a project wherein i’ve made a playlist on Spotify for each year of the ‘90s which contains albums and hits from that year. Each one contains about a day’s worth of music at this point. I’m listening straight through them while i’m at work, and it’s really awesome. I’m trying to find ‘90s indie bands that i missed. I might do this with the aughts and/or the ‘80s when i get done. And i want to listen to more new albums as they come out—actually listening to albums, rather than just tossing them into my “current rotation” playlist and hitting shuffle all the time.

14. Take really good care of Griz

It makes me feel strangely accomplished to know that i’m taking good care of my dog. I’ll continue to walk him at least once every day, and i’ll try to have him do tricks every day as well.

15. Work on being less negative

This is the big one, and it’s unfortunately pretty vague. I am still and always thinking about how to improve myself. That’s the only thing that really matters. Three different sources this year have told me that being a cheerful person takes work. Gretchen Rubin talked about it in The Happiness Project. I highlighted about a million things in that book just because it’s so easy to do with my Kindle, so i’m not sure this is the best example of her idea, but this one definitely gave me pause: “it’s much easier to be hard to please. Although enthusiasm seems easy and undiscriminating, in fact, it’s much harder to embrace something than to disdain it.” My own note on this highlight says “Huh?! How about we try to judge things objectively rather than with our own best interests in mind??” But my negativity of late is anything but objective, and Rubin wasn’t the only one to send this same message to me. In Little Women, i discovered that the whole purpose of the character Beth was to demonstrate what a worthwhile task it is to be cheerful for the benefit of other people. I liked this quote a lot:

Then it was that Jo, living in the darkened room, with that suffering little sister always before her eyes and that pathetic voice sounding in her ears, learned to see the beauty and the sweetness of Beth’s nature, to feel how deep and tender a place she filled in all hearts, and to acknowledge the worth of Beth’s unselfish ambition to live for others, and make home happy by that exercise of those simple virtues which all may possess, and which all should love and value more than talent, wealth, or beauty.

I’m Jo to a much more extreme degree. I need to be more like Beth.

Finally, i heard it from the mouth of one of my dearest friends. Jay is one of the smartest people i know and yet he hasn’t grown overly frustrated with people and cynical like i have. I asked him how he has managed, and he told me that it’s not easy. He said it’s easier to be cynical than not to be, and he told me how important it is to maintain a sense of empathy with other human beings and to put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Hearing it from someone i know and admire sealed the deal for me. This is the course i need to take. I’m not as eloquent nor as educated as Hitchens and so i have no business trying to be a great contrarian like he was. I don’t speak a lot, but when i do speak out—especially on the internet—it tends to be snarky tripe that just makes me and everyone else a little less happy. I don’t think i’m enlightening anyone or improving anything. So i’m going to try to listen way more and research way more and speak way less about things i think i know something about. I don’t really know anything about anything. So here’s to reading more information and spouting less bullshit. I have high hopes for 2013. Thirteen is my lucky number. This year is going to be a good one. I can feel it.

January

The only thing that comes to mind for January is New Year’s Eve. My friends had a party and it was a total blast. This was the first appearance of my blue dress. Some of us smoked a cigar together. Some of us danced in the living room together. And then some of us had a drink or two too many and puked a little bit after the car ride home—a very small amount, very quickly, and just once, and that was the first last and only time i’ve ever thrown up from drinking, thankyouverymuch. I’m twenty-seven and i have only vomited a few times in my life (edit: since my long-term memory kicked in), so i’m still pretty proud of that.

February

In February i turned the blue dress into a Superman costume and went to SuperProm with Calee. The costumes people came up with were on the whole much more interesting than mine, but Superman is the only hero for me. We got preeetty drunk on free Olde Main beer (you see why i’ve named this The Year of the Hangover?), we danced a fair amount, and i slept on Calee’s couch.

Later in the month i went on a day trip to Kansas City with Nathan’s family to visit their family friend and do some shopping & eating. It was much fun.

March

I must not have done much drinking in March because i can’t really recall anything interesting that happened. Ha! (I’m not actually an alcoholic, i’m just poking fun at myself.) It’s probably safe to say that i was attending some baby showers.

April

Spring was so unseasonably warm this year that the trees were already in bloom at Waterworks Park in April. So, we went and frolicked.

My nephew Bodhi was born on the 29th (the Buddha’s birthday, conveniently)!

May

In May we attended the wedding of a dear old friend of mine. Reminiscing with the other guests about high school was great fun. The weather was already starting to get ridiculously hot…

June

In June Nathan and i went to Oregon to meet baby Bodhi and help my dad celebrate his birthday, which was really nice to be able to do.

Me and Bodhi

We spent a couple days in Portland trying myriad beers. Later in the month my mom’s side of the family celebrated her father’s 85th birthday.

Grandpa and those of his grandchildren who were in attendance

I began volunteering at the Animal Rescue League but only ended up going twice since it was too sweltering to even take the dogs outside.

July

In July it was frickin’ hot.

August

August was quite eventful. I think it was in August that we attended my cousin Jamie’s wedding reception. We had some fun in the old-timey photo booth.

Channeling our Italian heritage

My friend Jay and his girlfriend Audrey came and stayed with us for a few days over my birthday weekend (a very happy coincidence). My birthday party was a lot of fun but rather misguided. I wanted to stay up until the wee hours of the morning to watch the Perseid meteor shower—not realizing that it was simply too cloudy—and therefore decided to serve and partake of some alcoholic caffeinated drinks. Little did i know that i was developing gastritis, and this combination was particularly awful for my stomach (nor would i realize this until very recently). I felt pretty horrible for the next two days. I told myself it was worth it though for the great party.

At some point i got my hair cut, and i mention this because it was a pretty dramatic change for me. I don’t think my hair had been cut to above-shoulder-length since i was very little. And i didn’t even hate it!

Later in the month, Amy, John, Harper and Bodhi came to Iowa for a visit. The little one was sure growing fast…

September

In September we went on a roadtrip eastward for Nathan’s birthday. First we stopped in Iowa City and had our traditional stein o’ beer at the Vine and hookah at Red Poppy. I also had a glass of wine there. Needless to say, i was no fun at all barhopping the next day in Chicago. I accompanied Nathan around the city but could only handle little sips of his beers. The following day i finally started to feel better just in time to have dinner at the Publican. And thank goodness for that, because dinner there was truly wonderful.

October

In October we drove down to Oklahoma by way of Kansas City to see my brother defend his dissertation. I thought it was a pretty fascinating thing to witness, and i was glad to be there when he was addressed as “Doctor Dustin” for the first time. I managed to have a celebratory drink or two with him, without consequence, by guzzling a couple liters of water along the way. Also that month, he was declared 100% cancer-free! I celebrated all this by adopting his favorite kind of dog for myself; an English bulldog named Griz. We hosted a Halloween party and the blue dress made another more disguised appearance in my Fionna costume.

November

In November we re-elected Barack Obama for President. Dustin moved to St. Louis and was able to drive to Iowa for Thanksgiving. He took me to Cedar Rapids with him on his way home, where we stayed at our brother’s house for a night. I went to see the Alphons Mucha exhibit at the Czech and Slovak museum with my nephew and my friend Calee & her mom. It was breathtaking. His prints are so much prettier in person. I’m so glad that exhibition came to Iowa and that i had the opportunity to go see it.

We got to see the originals!

December

In December i hosted a craft day for a couple of my lady friends. Some dear friends of ours celebrated their engagement, and Jay was able to attend the party while he was in town for Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve with Nathan’s family, as we always do, and Christmas Day with mine. Dustin was again able to come up for the holiday, despite the foot of snow we’d gotten just days before. I finally went to a doctor for my strange chronic sideache “hangovers” (which, btw, had eventually started to happen even when i’d hardly had anything to drink the day before) and was told that i most likely have gastritis and need to lay off alcohol, caffeine, spicy food, and basically everything else i love to eat and drink. I plan to begin that regimen on January 5th.

And that brings me to today. Since i wrote about last year’s NYE in this post, i’ll have to wait a year to tell you about last night. Coming up next: my “resolutions” for 2013. Stay tuned!

In fact, Goodreads only displays 20 covers on a page, so i had to stitch this image together in Photoshop.

The titles are as follows, in the reverse order that i finished them:

1. Cesar’s Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems by Cesar Millan
2. The Economic Naturalist: In Search of Explanations for Everyday Enigmas by Robert H. Frank
3. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
4. Denialism: How Irrational Thinking Hinders Scientific Progress, Harms the Planet, and Threatens Our Lives by Michael Specter
5. The Science of Yoga: The Risks and the Rewards by William J. Broad
6. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury
7. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
8. The Other End of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs by Patricia B. McConnell
9. My Life in France by Julia Child
10. Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain
11. Blood, Bones, and Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef

by Gabrielle Hamilton

12. Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1) by E.L. James
13. Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual by Michael Pollan
14. The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan
15. Ender’s Game (Ender’s Saga, #1) by Orson Scott Card
16. Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3) by Suzanne Collins
17. Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2) by Suzanne Collins
18. The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games #1) by Suzanne Collins
19. Shadows of the Empire by Steve Perry
20. Free Will by Sam Harris
21. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
22. Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain by David Eagleman
23. You Had Me at Woof: How Dogs Taught Me the Secrets of Happiness by Julie Klam
24. The Believing Brain: From Ghosts and Gods to Politics and Conspiracies How We Construct Beliefs and Reinforce Them as Truths by Michael Shermer
25. Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach

Whew! That was a lot of copy-and-pasting.

I guess the themes this year were dogs, brains and food. (Ha, that sounds gross.) I read eight novels, which is a whole lot more than i thought i was going to read. And i said i wasn’t going to read any memoirs but of course i ended up reading several.

The best books i finished this year were Incognito, The Omnivore’s Dilemma, The Hunger Games and Blood, Bones and Butter. I highly recommend all of those. Ender’s Game is also quite excellent, but this was the second time i’d read it. I’d give an honorable mention to The Other End of the Leash for dog owners, and Something Wicked This Way Comes for Bradbury fans and anyone who loves language or melancholy stories.

In 2013 i think i’ll set my goal low again, maybe at 15 books. I want to focus on reading books of substance rather than trying to get a large quantity finished. I wanted to kick the year off with The Information Diet, for instance, but i’ve decided to skip it due to mediocre reviews. And i came very close to finishing 2012 off with Ke$ha’s memoir, but i’m pretty glad that someone handed me a copy of Cesar Milan’s book at just the right moment instead, even if the latter wasn’t all that wonderful.

I probably could’ve fixed the comment section without chucking my custom theme, but i was itching for something new anyway. So, here it is, for the time being.

I feel like a jerk for resisting paying real money to play Glitch. ‘Cause this wasn’t just Farmville, this was a thing of beauty. It was a community of interesting people. It was something that some very talented people worked really hard to create. It was imaginative and multi-faceted and enriching, even if it was just a video game. It turns out that if you love a game you have to take it a little bit seriously, because the people who make games have to put food on the table, too. So i’m sorry, Tiny Speck, for never paying to play Glitch.

I’ve learned something from this, and also from The Happiness Project—if something brings you happiness, it’s worth spending money on. I mean, my dad taught me that lesson a long time ago, but for some reason i treated things that i could get for free as an exception. That’s why i played Glitch without subscribing, and it’s why i listen to Spotify for free and never buy music anymore. So, i’m thinking of ways to put more support toward the things that bring me joy. I might buy CDs again or subscribe to Spotify. I might get into vinyl and go for the whole audiophile thing. I might pay a few bucks the next time a really good game catches my attention. I want to go see the Mucha exhibit in Cedar Rapids. I’ve been buying an ebook here and there. I should try to buy more handmade stuff and fewer sweatshop clothes. I might take another Yoga class or dance class. I recently bought/adopted a dog and have been buying some toys that really make him happy. Generally, i have a hard time allowing myself to spend money where it isn’t really necessary to do so (except on good food), but i could and should loosen up a little bit. Because things like Glitch need my support to survive.

I’d envisioned a delicate silver ring looping around my eyebrow, glittering in the sunshine, calling attention to what i considered to be my best asset: my eyes. I was deep in my poetry phase and i think i thought a facial piercing went with the whole “artsy” look. I wore silver rings on most of my fingers and had even worn one on my toe for a while. My long hair covered any earrings i wore, so an eyebrow ring would be more visible. I’d be more visible. It would set me apart, just like every other kid who would be starting out at Iowa State University that fall with a fresh chunk of metal in their face.

So we went to the shop. The piercing artist guy let us in. I signed a paper confirming that i was “over eighteen” (“But… i am eighteen…” “Yeah, that means you’re over eighteen years old.” “Oh—right.”). I think the guy discussed proper cleaning of the site and how long to keep the ring in and such. And then i sat up on the table and he brought out his instruments and put his latex gloves on. I took a look at what was on the tray as he cleaned my eyebrow. And i saw a thick pewter-colored barbell lying there.

Barbells were for goths. They were for girls with greasy black hair and fishnet sleeves. They were for guys; the ones who listened to Metallica and wore chains and rode skateboards. Barbells were NOT for me. I told the guy i didn’t want a barbell. He explained that i had to have a barbell rather than a ring to start out with so that the hole would heal properly and not leave a gross scar. I started to cry. I decided i didn’t want the piercing if i had to have a barbell. By this point, the owner of the shop had come in and the artist guy and Bonnie were telling him what was going on, and he got pissed and starting ranting at me, which made me cry harder.

“This isn’t [expletive] Burger King! You can’t just come in here and ‘have it your way’! We’re gonna do what’s safe and what needs to be done, not just whatever you [expletive] feel like!”

Eventually he calmed down and Bonnie smoothed things over by buying some new jewelry for her navel, and the shop owner showed me some of his unusual face piercings and talked about how careful they’d been while figuring out how to do that sort of stuff. He was passionate about piercings, and he was dedicated to doing them properly, even at the risk of upsetting his clients.

Some day, i want to work for that guy.

Or better yet, i want to be that guy, because i’m not a piercing artist and i’m pretty sure this kind of character doesn’t exist in the world of web design. Not in Des Moines, Iowa, anyway.

I’ve wasted a lot of your attention on my story, but the point i want to make is that every web designer and every web developer out there with only a few exceptions is a yes man by necessity, and i’m tired of it. The Oatmeal has already illustrated the phenomenon in full color, so i’ll just direct you to his comic How A Web Design Goes Straight To Hell. We’re not listened to, we’re talked at. We’re told how to do our jobs. We’re used as tools, because we know HTML and Photoshop and you don’t. But you know that you like the color blue, and so you tell us to use it. And you think you know that big flashy banners get people to buy stuff, so you tell us to make them. You tell us that you want a delicate silver ring in your eyebrow and we give it to you, even though we know that it’s going to travel and it’s going to scar and it’s going to do more damage than good in the end. This is why i’m tired of this industry. I want to be an expert, damn it. I want to be consulted for my knowledge and expertise, not just my skills. I want to be able to tell people some day, “I am not Burger King,” and still take home a paycheck of some sort.

I read a fantastic article on smashingmagazine.com this morning that puts this issue in the spotlight and suggests that designers need to take their profession back by refusing to compromise. I want to be like the tattoo parlor owner, and take my job back from other people’s hands. Oh, but how can i?

I got a little lost amongst the Resolutions and Splendid Truths and Rules For Adulthood and Charts and Goals and whatnot, but i did find value in the idea that keeping a chart can force a person to actually stick to her resolutions and change her ways, and i saw a lot of myself in some of the chapters about how she treated other people. I should be less critical, or at least i should try to complain in more constructive ways and make a point to also use a lot of praise. The idea that being easy to please is actually more difficult than being critical did give me pause, but in the end i think i’ve decided that even if this is true, what’s challenging isn’t always what’s best. I believe whole-heartedly in constructive criticism and being real and not settling for the status quo, but i do realize that there are pleasanter ways of being a contrarian, and also that even well-intentioned criticism isn’t always constructive. I should do more thinking about this.

I got a big kick out of the section about organizing (squee!), and i thought the bit about spending more money on things that make you happy was kind of a great idea even though it made me feel a little dirty for thinking so. (How many people can comfortably increase their spending in order to supplement their happiness?) I thought the bits about sleep and exercise and mindfulness were very apt, but i can’t fathom why Rubin wouldn’t even try meditation ONCE. It’s not that bad! And the part about “spirituality” didn’t seem to even discuss spirituality at all (Rubin is a “reverent agnostic”), so i think it was superfluous and probably her publisher’s idea.

I’m a believer in the idea that being as happy as you can will help you make other people happier, too, so that’s the main reason i was on board with Rubin’s thinking for the majority of this book. It’s not selfish to be happy. In fact it’s kind of selfish not to try to be happier if you have room for improvement in that area, because your own life affects those of people you encounter everywhere, especially the people who love you. As long as you’re not stealing someone else’s happiness to add to your own, trying to be happier is generally a good thing.

The biggest problem i had with the book was how annoying Gretchen Rubin seems. She takes on this project to be a better/happier person but absolutely refuses to leave her comfort zone, and actually takes a lot of pride in that fact. Though she doesn’t throw this particular quote out there, she seems to believe “this above all: to thine own self be true”—even when trying to become a better person and write a book about it. She doesn’t like music much. She hates showering. And she “gives up fake food” but continues to guzzle Diet Coke. Gross! Never mind the fact that she was a nag of a wife and the kind of person who interrupts and argues just to argue; at least she sought to change those things. But in other ways she just seems like the kind of person i’d have a pretty hard time finding something in common with, or at least that’s how she came across.

…And i’m suddenly reminded of a study she cited in the book that found that people tend to attribute things to YOU that you say of other people, both positive and negative. So maybe i’m a pretty annoying person myself and ought to tackle a happiness project of my own.

We tried out airbnb.com for the first time and stayed in a stranger’s apartment on the Near West Side. Pros: he’s a super nice guy with a sweet dog and a pretty swanky place in a great location. Awesome view from the balcony, too. Cons: walls are considerably thinner in an apartment than in a hotel, and we had trouble getting the shower hot enough. We’re pretty private people, so if we use airbnb.com again, we’ll look to rent an entire apartment rather than just a room.

By the second evening in Chicago i had fully recovered from Iowa City and was able to thoroughly enjoy dinner and a show. We ate at The Publican, and it was heavenly. We sampled several forms of pork: pork rinds, sliced ham, and pork belly. They were all fantastic, and the sides and desserts were delightful as well. I even had a beer, yay! Then we walked to Bottom Lounge to see Ladyhawke. The show started at 9 and i was dismayed to see three openers listed on the chalkboard. The first duo was alright, the second one had their show cut very short by a rogue beach ball knocking over (and breaking) the third member of their band—the Mac Book. And the third opener for some reason didn’t actually exist (maybe it was the DJ?) because we were relieved to see Ladyhawke take the stage next. It was a really, really fun show. Chicago hipsters clearly care more about music than the Des Moines breed does, because they were a lot less douchey and danced more. I had a really great time, and i managed to make it back to the apartment without my feet quite falling off, thanks to a helpful piggyback ride from Nathan.

Two days later, back in Des Moines, i dragged Nathan to another rock show. This time it was Silversun Pickups. Their newest album isn’t as wonderful as their first, but i missed them last time they came to DSM for absolutely no good reason, so i wasn’t about to skip this show as well. Their first opener was a cute little indie band from Australia with a dumb name, Atlas Genius. The second opener was just god-awful. I haven’t seen a band that terrible in a long time… But it gave us an excuse to wander around Hoyt Sherman a bit, which is a beautiful old venue. And i discovered and bought a cool SSPU poster, so it wasn’t all bad. Then SSPU played and it was a pretty fun show. The bassist seemed overly excited about performing, and we were informed several songs in that she wasn’t their actual bassist but a substitute on tour with them for Nikki’s maternity leave.

I was pretty happy with the crowd at Hoyt Sherman. They were older and less hipstery than the 80/35 crowd, and i only saw phones in the air a couple of times. It’s a little harder to get into the music in a seated venue, but the front man mentioned that fact and praised us for dancing anyway. One woman in the front row even got full acknowledgement and a kiss on the hand for her no-holds-barred enjoyment of the show. Rachel, you are the heart of Des Moines.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Nathan’s birthday happened recently, and i had nothing but Christmas wrapping paper for gifts, so i made my own gift wrap out of a paper bag instead. I drew Finn & Jake on it for him. I think it turned out cooler than the actual gift (a mandoline).

Video games and cartoons and drawing. I guess i’m reliving my teens right now.

My character’s name is Bunnie. And i’m, um, selling some guano in that box on the wall. It’s profitable!

My character is actually playing a mini game of glitch here. That’s her house in the background

There are strange places in the world…

…And sometimes people get together and party

I love the art.

You get a house and you can build a tower and grow and collect and build and make things and wander around the huge world and play mini-games… It’s entertaining. I have 3 invites, so let me know if you want one. I think i’m feeling a little less obsessed with it now, so i should be writing more soon.

I’m so pumped for my brother to finally get his PhD. He’s been working at this for many years, and has faced some of the most daunting challenges that a person can face in life along the way. He’s finally in the home stretch now, and i’m so very excited for him. I’m also excited for his future clients, because i think my brother has an approach to psychotherapy that is going to change a lot of lives for the better. His dream is to open a clinic dedicated to improving lives both mentally and physically at the same time. He understands the link between diet and exercise and mental well-being, and that’s something that i’m passionately in support of, not only because he’s my brother but also because it makes a huge amount of sense to me. It’s an approach that i think too few psychologists today are able to take.

So please, take a few minutes to complete the survey. Thank you so much!

Your participation in this research is completely anonymous and voluntary. However, in order to participate in this survey you must answer all of the questions unless they do not pertain to you. If you choose not to answer any question, you will not be allowed to complete the survey and no data will be collected. If you have any questions or concerns about this research, please contact the principle researcher at dbadamo at ou dot edu.

At first when i finished it i felt monumentally confused by the fact that this piece of crap novel is so wildly popular. I sat down to write a big analysis of the book and of the people who read it, but eventually i realized two things: 1. this book isn’t even worth thinking about and i’ve already wasted enough of my life on reading it, and 2. i don’t want anyone judging me or drawing conclusions about my life or my mind for reading it or for disliking it, so why should i judge the women who do like it? At the end of the day it’s just a piece of fluff entertainment. Maybe it indicates that people are getting dumber or that the average western woman takes for granted her hard-won sexual almost-equality, and maybe it means nothing at all. This is the sort of book that people who don’t even like reading will tear through. It’s a book for people who don’t like books. So i don’t think it should even be thought of as a book, honestly. 50 Shades of Grey is to literature as the Oreo is to food: when you get right down to it, it shouldn’t really even count as such.

So, if you’re a lady who’d rather spend hours reading your porn than watching it, and if you’re entertained by the idea of an extremely rich, psychologically fucked-up, domineering and emotionally distant but attractive dude banging the hell out of an average-looking, average-intelligence, vapid virgin college graduate, then by all means help yourself to this silly book. If not, you really should not waste your time, and that’s all i have to say about it.

I went to the last little bit of the 80/35 music festival with my friend Emily this Saturday. I bought tickets solely to see Death Cab For Cutie, because i loved them so hard during my college years and always wanted to see them play a live show. I bought my favorite of their albums, Transatlanticism, during my freshman year when it was still very new, and other students in the College of Design and at Stomping Grounds cafe (unwittingly) shared all of their previous albums with me as well. So Death Cab was basically the soundtrack to countless hours of my four years at Iowa State, as well as the additional year i spent working in Ames after college. (And then i met Nathan, who doesn’t care for Death Cab For Cutie. )

Emily and i skipped most of the music festival because it was so very hot outside. We arrived after 8 p.m., and even then we could feel the sweat rolling down our backs as we watched Dan Deacon perform at the freebie stage. But soon the sun went down, and i don’t remember feeling hot after Death Cab took the stage at exactly nine o’ clock.

Immediately i was reminded of why i don’t go to a lot of shows anymore: the other patrons are assholes. Here’s a quick list of the type of douchebaggery that goes on at any given general-admission show:

1. Needlessly violent dancing
2. Smoking of illicit and smelly substances
3. Flinging various beverages on fellow patrons
4. Pushing & shoving, coming & going
5. Talking. Loudly. OVER THE MUSIC. IN STEAD OF LISTENING TO IT.
6. Holding cell phones up to take photos and/or videos
7. Excessively loud cheering, just to get attention
8. Choosing new spots halfway through the show to block what was once someone’s perfectly good view
9. Minors attending just for the chance to sneak alcohol, meanwhile doing all of the above

But after a while i realized that Emily was taking it in stride and there was nowhere for us to go anyway, and i accepted the fact that this is just part of the concert experience. And it’s worth it. Being out in the warm summer night, dancing and singing along with the artist who gave me some of my favorite songs, feeling the music all around, soaking in the moment… All good things. Things i don’t get to do very often at all. So i reveled in it. And to my surprise, they played four tracks from my favorite album and one from an even older album, despite the fact that they’ve released four (Edit: three) additional very popular studio albums since then. They didn’t happen to play my very favorite song, Title and Registration (the only song i ever got close to being able to play on the guitar), but they did end the night with the title track of Transatlanticism, which i love almost as much.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.