Only Connect...

On Finding Equanimity

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 22:29:03 -0700

It’s been a roller coaster of a year. Between finishing up my coursework for my doctoral program and some challenges on the work front, I found it easy to feel on the edge emotionally and spiritually at several points throughout the past ten months. In the little time I have for pleasure reading, I picked up a book called Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom by Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius. In their book, they describe the Buddhist philosophy of equanimity. The idea of equanimity is that we should create a space around experience so that we don’t have to react to it. Experiences both good and bad are going to trigger a neural response but equanimity teaches us that we are not required to react emotionally to that neural response. In many ways, this reminds me of the great Dr. Viktor Frankl’s statement from Man’s Search for Meaning where he suggests that the last of the human freedoms is “to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

So how do we cultivate equanimity in the face of trials? A few thoughts:

Do your best to look for the positive- When it all seems bad this can be difficult. However, I have found it tremendously helpful to intentionally find reasons to be grateful even for small things. Ann Marie Klotz, @annmarieklotz, often asks folks on Twitter and Facebook, “What was your victory of the day?” It’s important to reflect on those victories when it sometimes feels like defeat is all we see.
“Limit the amount of time you freak out about it.” Another great quote from @annmarieklotz (you really should follow her if you don’t). I am a big fan of the TV show Lost. In one of the first episodes Jack, who is a doctor, relates a story about a surgery gone badly and how he started to feel panicked. He says, “So I just made a choice. I’d let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds, that’s all I was going to give it. So I started to count: one, two, three, four, five. Then it was gone. I went back to work, sewed her up and she was fine.” Dwelling on the negative will only give it more power. Limit it.
Get some sleep! Seriously! This is a case where it is hard to take my own medicine as the first symptom of stress in my life is serious insomnia. In a great article from the Franklin Institute, they discuss that those who handle stress through emotion and anxiety tended to suffer from insomnia much more than folks who were able to channel their stress into a focus on tasks. Control what you can control and then DO SOMETHING about it.
Tap into your network. Glen Weppler, @wepps, offered some great advice and said that he found it helpful to connect with trusted colleagues and to rely on relationships that he has built. Talking to a colleague can be tremendously helpful in gaining perspective and sometimes triangulating our own feelings or anxieties about a situation. When we are knee (or neck) deep in something it can be very difficult to look at things from another vantage or viewpoint. On the other hand, it can also be emotionally cathartic to have someone validate your feelings and where you are coming from. Just don’t ride too far down the pity train together!

How about you? What are some of the ways you’ve developed equanimity in your own work and/or personal life?

A special thanks to Glen Weppler (@wepps), Ann Marie Klotz (@annmarieklotz) and Christina Schafer (among others) for their words of wisdom!

ACUHO-I Professional Standards Institute and Annual Conference

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 21:38:00 -0700

One week ago, I came home from a fantastic week in sunny Southern California. I started off with a couple of intensive days at the University of California- Riverside participating in the Professional Standards Institute (PSI) and followed that up with four fabulous days at the Annual Conference and Exhibition (ACE) both sponsored by the Association of College and University Housing Officers-International (@ACUHOI -Follow them on Twitter!)

The PSI was the second institute that I’ve attended put on by ACUHO-I, the first being the Chief Housing Officers Institute in 2010. I can say without reservation that these two institutes have been among the best professional development events that I have participated in. While intense, the learning is unsurpassed and the connections among participants and with the faculty (who are AMAZING) really has been the highlight of both institutes for me. Many thanks to the faculty at PSI: Cindy Spencer, Paula Bland, Dima Utgoff, and Paul Jahr and also to the staff in housing and dining at UCR.

The next four days at ACE in Anaheim were a whirlwind and incredibly stimulating. In was terrific to connect with old friends and make some new ones, including putting names and faces together from the Twitterverse. I was constantly challenged at each turn with how I could take what I had learned or heard about and apply it to the work I do at EOU. Here are a few of the outcomes from what I learned-

Looking at “gamifying” our student staff training to better engage them in the materials (Dr. Mark Milliron, keynote speaker)
Thinking about different ways to assess student learning (Dr. Gavin Henning, Expert in Residence)
Re-energizing old, rundown student lounges with just a little money (Kyle Pretsch, Notre Dame de Namur University)
Using the ACUHO-I/EBI Resident Satisfaction Survey data to better effect (the Janzes at Marquette University and Darlena Jones at EBI)
Implementing a formal and annualized self-assessment process for the department itself using the ACUHO-I Professional Standards, not just student learning outcomes (Professional Standards Institute)

Those are just the few things that I’ve had a chance to really process. There’s much more where those came from!

Perhaps best of all is how much these experiences served to reset my perspective. It had been a long year with some struggles. It is easy to get caught in the thick of thin things and lose sight of why we do this work. I feel like I’m getting my groove back now.

Why do you go to conferences? What are the biggest wins for you when you get home? How does connecting with colleagues from across the world/country/region help to reset your perspective?

Why Only Connect...?

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 20:34:00 -0700

“Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect, and the beast and the monk, robbed of the isolation that is life to either, will die.”

-E. M. Forster, Howards End

When I first read those words several years ago reading Howards End, I remember feeling struck as if with a bolt of lightning. “Only connect…” This sentiment wrapped up neatly the sum of my life’s work in student affairs as I worked with students to help them see the connections between personal values and behavior, between curriculum and co-curriculum, and most importantly between people.

I’ve just completed my 11th year of professional work in student affairs and I realized that while I have worked diligently to help students connect, that I’ve done a poor job of that myself. Not that I am a total recluse. I have attended conferences but not regularly. I started a Twitter account several years ago but have not been consistent in using it. I use Facebook but more for personal reasons than for professional ones. I have been working on a doctorate for the past couple of years and have benefited enormously from the interactions within my cohort.

So why haven’t I connected more intentionally in my professional life? I have several excuses (and I use the word excuse deliberately)

Time- I often felt that I didn’t have the time to dedicate to it. Between work, family, and school, I often felt stretched and the thought of adding another activity was tough.
Location- I work at a small, rural institution where the closest four-year school is 170 miles away and in another state. My institution is the only four-year institution in the vast area of Eastern Oregon. Connecting with other SA professionals can be challenging.
Personality- Looking at my MBTI scores, I am a serious introvert. An INTP to be exact. So often I’m happy building castles in my head while letting the world spin on without me.

But these are all excuses. What one has time for is a choice. I need to change my language to reflect that in truth I am prioritizing. It’s not “I don’t have time,” it should be, “I choose to” or “I choose not to.” Location shouldn’t matter either. Given the number and ease of social media and communication tools, distance should not be an organizational framework for communication. Again, not a good excuse. Finally, personality. Introversion is a preference, not written in stone, and a self-actualized individual can, and should, work on operating outside of what’s comfortable for them to encourage growth.

So, here’s my action plan for the coming year.

Connect through social media/blogging- I have started using Twitter again and am gaining confidence interacting with others there.
Connect through professional organizations/conferences-I’m attending the ACUHO-I Professional Standards Institute and Annual Conference and Exposition in Anaheim. I am also planning on the NWACUHO conference. I am considering volunteering for one or both organizations this year.
Connect to individuals- While conferencing and professional organizations are great, I want to work on developing deeper and more meaningful relationships with other professionals outside of my institution. Through these relationships I hope to grow and I hope to help others at the same time.

I think these are doable. What do you think? Are there other suggestions you might have? I welcome and value any and all suggestions and would love to begin connecting!