stephkoanie

I've moved.. again..

2016-03-24T12:28:00.000-04:00

Hi hey hello! I've made some blog changes around here: I've renamed my blog, and I've moved (again).

From simply steph to stephkoanie

I renamed my blog from 'simply steph' to 'stephkoanie', to distinguish between my calligraphy and design business (Simply Steph Ko) and personal blog. It just made a lot of sense to me. I use stephkoanie as my personal handle on most platforms, and it's in the URL of the blog. It's also different enough from Simply Steph Ko to really create a separation between personal and business blogging.

Maintaining the separation between personal and business blogs is important to me because I want to make it clear on my business blog that I do calligraphy, and create greeting cards and custom stationery. Don't get me wrong, I still want to share authentically on Simply Steph Ko, but I want to keep it topical and related to the calligraphy work that I do.

On the other hand, I don't know that I really have a purpose on this blog, other than to share my life authentically. And I'm okay with that. I will probably write about things like food, crafts, faith, and my city -- things that interest me!

I've also created a new site logo, with my new calligraphy and handlettering skills. It looks sooo good and refined! I love it. Whaddya think?

It's a huge improvement on what I was using before. I'm so embarrassed, I'm not even going to reshare that. But the previous logo was designed before I knew anything about calligraphy or digitizing it. So it's pretty neat to see the skills I've picked up in the past year and a bit put to use :)

Moving from Blogger to WordPress

When I started blogging in 2011, I used Blogger because it is easy to use and it was already connected to my Google account. In 2015, I switched over to WordPress because I know that WordPress is more powerful, and I wanted to learn the platform.

Later, I ditched that blog in favour of my Blogger blog, because I have a backlog of posts here, and I wanted to use my WordPress blog for business purposes. But then I purchased my own domain name and started self-hosting simplystephko.com, so I no longer used stephkoanie.wordpress.com.

Long story short: I moved this blog to the WordPress platform again because I use WordPress for my business site too. It'll be easier for me to manage this way, so it all just makes so much more sense to me.

More recent-ish posts from this Blogger site have been moved to the WordPress site, but I'm not moving any old posts from this site so I'll leave this blog up just simply as an archive.

Okay, that's it!

There's nothing new there yet, but if you follow my blog, update your bookmarks and feed subscriptions to stephkoanie.wordpress.com to keep reading my fun life-related posts!

Sidenote: It's funny that I used to think the WordPress.com platform was complicated! Now that I've used WordPress.org (the version you can use with paid self-hosted sites), the free WordPress.com platform seems overly simplistic. Perspective shifts over time, and as you learn. Neat-o!

P.S. if you ever have any questions about Blogger, WordPress.com, or WordPress.org, let me know. I'm happy to help!

cha gheill!

2015-12-10T18:04:00.000-05:00

It's been 5 and a half years in the making... but my chapter at Queen's University is coming to an end! It's kind of a bittersweet feeling.

There are many many academic things that I have learned in my time at Queen's. I did my undergraduate degree in Health Studies, and graduate degree in Public Health. Ask me anything about population health! I'm your gal. But I learned more than just information in my time at Queen's. I've sorted some of the main takeaways in 4 categories, that coincidentally all start with Cs. So here are the 4 Cs of my time at Queen's!

Christian Life and Community

It was here at Queen's that I joined a Christian community, and came to know Christ as my Lord and Saviour. I don't even know how to summarize my entire experience in one paragraph. I have changed, a lot. My mission in life has transformed, and my values have shifted all because of my encounter with Christ. I now know Him to be the one who takes on my sins and gives me eternal life in exchange for my faith in him. It is absolutely the greatest gift I have ever received, and I want all that I do to point to God's glory. It's really a weird and wonderful thing to explain, but who wouldn't want to know the goodness of God?! Queen's may be known to be a predominantly secular caucasian school, but it was here at Queen's that I met the largest number of Chinese Christians. And for that I am thankful.

Critical Thinking

Learning to not take things at face value is a major skill that I've taken away from university. The art of asking questions is not something I understood as a kid. My brother was always the negotiator between the two of us. I'm pretty sure I just did whatever my parents told me to do, and never questioned or strayed. My brother, on the other hand, challenged everything. Probably annoying to my parents, but I think his mind was built for university. Here, I really learned the "why" behind so many things. You learn to wonder, and to find answers. The first step to anything is to understand the issue at hand. So don't always do exactly as you are told. Learn to understand what the problem at hand really is, and you will become a better problem solver.

Creative Communications

This is something that I am passionate about, and want to incorporate into my future career. This year, I started my own small business, Simply Steph Ko, doing fun creative things like calligraphy and greeting card making. I love the integration of creativity and Christianity that I've found. So I also wanted to try to integrate this passion into my public health career, too. So, this year my friends and I applied, and won, the Sheela Basur Communications Award! We created a communications plan to increase physician adherence to gonorrhea treatment guidelines, as well as an implementation and evaluation plan for this initiative. It was an intense week where we put our heads together to come up with our plan and presentation, but it was also some of the most fun I had. Communications is definitely something I want to integrate into my future career.

Continuous Learning

Just because I'm leaving school, and will no longer be a student for the first time in my life (since I was a baby, haha), doesn't mean that the learning stops here! I really enjoy attending seminars, conferences, workshops, and webinars. Especially webinars, because then I can attend from the warmth of my bed, haha. But these continuous learning opportunities have been so invaluable for the thought provoking talks, and for the constant push to improve. Stay curious, friends! Not to mention, you can't be the expert in everything. You can be an expert in something, but there will always be someone who knows more about some other facet of life. Learn from others, and teach what you know -- constant knowledge exchange!

And that's that! There are so many things that I will miss about Queen's University, and Kingston. But these are the things that I will be taking away with me. I don't believe in goodbyes, so instead I'll see ya later, Queen's!

Cha Gheill,
Stephanie

Make New Blogs, But Keep The Old

2015-10-23T01:03:00.000-04:00

One is silver, and the other's gold. I'll let you decide which is which.

My new small business, Simply Steph Ko, lives over at simplystephko.com. I create greeting cards that feature calligraphy, joy, and colour as a way to share love and encouragement.

Since starting that blog, I realized that I needed to niche down. I had to choose a focus, and post about, talk about, write about that and that only. So I write about creativity and Christianity, specifically how it emerges in my creative process through the words that I write, and in the attitude I take in approaching creative work.

Pursuing Secondary Passions

I love it. I love writing about the intersection of creativity and Christianity. I never know how passionate I really was until I began. I love creating cards, I love discovering the power of words and seeing people react to them. But I feel like I've lost my platform to explore and share my other interests. I love writing, and I love sharing. That is probably why I love blogging. But I think about a lot more than only creativity and Christianity.

My secondary passions include: health, culture, food, and my city. I am passionate about the intersection of these areas, too. I am interested in thinking about, and reasoning out issues, or sharing successes. But I don't love food enough to become a food blogger. Instead, this blog will be my "everything" blog. I will share all the things that I am passionate about, other than creativity and Christianity. Here, I am not concerned about building an audience, or writing about anything in particular.

Unstructured and Unplanned Blogging

Don't follow me if you're looking for something predictable. If you want predictable, go read my blog at Simply Steph Ko. There, I will consistently talk about creativity and Christianity, and I post every Monday.

Here, no such structure will exist. Maybe I will post every day for a week, and then I won't post again for a month, or five months. I can give you no guarantees, except that I want to keep this old blog alive.

If you're still following me from back when I used to write more regularly (kind of), then hello! I'm glad you've stuck around! It's nice to see you again! Why don't you leave me a comment so I know that you're still here :)

If you just stumbled upon this blog, then welcome! I'm glad you're here. I'm always happy to have you join in on my adventure through life. Feel free to leave a comment and introduce yourself. I'd love to know more about you and if you enjoy reading my random ramblings.

I look forward to more posts about nothing in particular, but about life in general.

Talk soon!

Steph

Baptism Sunday!

2015-04-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

Baptism Sunday isn't a real Sunday, haha. It's not like Palm Sunday, or Easter Sunday or some other set date that everybody celebrates together. It just happened to be that last Sunday, my church had its baptismal service, and 4 people got baptized!

I love baptisms, because I love hearing about how God worked in other people's lives! Baptism is an opportunity for a believer to publicly proclaim the belief in God, and declare that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Saviour. Then, our pastor dunks them in the water tank, and their immersion represents Jesus' death, burial and resurrection. The act of baptism gives a person no extra grace, or anything. But is a representation of what has happened in their spiritual life.

I always have such a good time at baptismal services. It's so fun seeing those who are about to get baptized, and how giddy and nervous they are. And it's always such a blessing to hear them share their stories, and share the gospel with everybody. This year, everyone was so different! One young girl, two university students, and one adult. They all had different back stories, and different experiences, but ultimately have Christ in common.

Praise God! And if you've never seen a baptism before, I highly encourage you to ask a friend and see if you can tag along. It's very surreal, and such an amazing visual depiction of Christian salvation.

apple pie cookies, aka mini apple pies!

2015-04-02T16:30:00.000-04:00

I love food. And I love baked goods even more. And on top of that, I love miniature things! Pi day (March 14, aka 3.14) came and went, and pies were everywhere! And so, I have been craving pie like craazy lately. Naturally, I decided I should make these apple pie cookies from Smitten Kitchen.

I have made them before, about three years ago with one of my housemates, but this time I put a little bit more apple in, and did most of the work myself. J did help, he peeled the apples and helped construct some of them. So I guess I just made the crust on my own. That in itself I would say is quite the feat. Crust requires great patience. And it's worth it. Be patient. Chill the dough.

These mini apple pies have a higher crust to apple ratio than usual apple pie, so if you are like me and love crust, these are for you! They are also super transportable, and you don't feel as guilty eating a "whole" pie by yourself :)

Not to mention, there's still a bunch in my freezer for another day...

52 hand-lettered project: 12 | 52

2015-04-01T13:00:00.000-04:00

[ 12 | 52 ] lyrics I love

Look, ma! I used colour!

The hymn Before the Throne of God Above is definitely one of my favourite hymns. It's my go-to whenever I get either discouraged or cocky. The hymn is basically telling me, "Look what God has done; Jesus died on a cross for you, my dear. It is finished. Sin has no hold on you. You are forgiven. God loves you."

Read more »

coffeeeeeee

2015-03-31T08:30:00.000-04:00

This gif is absolutely mesmerizing.

Can't you just smell the coffee?! I can't start my day without a cup of coffee, it's my morning hug in a cup.

This week, I have:

2 presentations,
1 exam,
1 quiz, and
1 paper due.

Hurray for the end of the semester! Wish me luck, and please send coffee.

i read a book!

2015-03-30T13:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, I have a confession to make. I am not a reader. Eep! I hate the sound of that. Don't get me wrong, I love books, and I love reading, but.. I am simply not a reader. I don't soak up books like those around me do, and maybe you've noticed the lack of any mention of any book, ever. Well, that's cause I am not usually reading, so I don't have any recommendations for you.

Don't get me wrong, I do have some great recommendations up my sleeve, if you are ever interested. But they don't change often, because I probably have not read any new books since you last asked me.

Recently, I read Women of the Word, by Jen Wilkin.

I have always enjoyed Jen as a Bible teacher, and the subtitle of her book really appealed to me: how to study the Bible with both our hearts and our minds. I know that approaching things heart first is one that is so oft taken by women. Although, I may argue that as a student of science, I put a large emphasis on evidence, or "head-knowledge" as Christians like to refer to it sometimes. But I am still a woman, and I love my emotions. Jen argues that we need to use both our minds and our hearts to study the Word, and boy is she right.

J warned me that this book would probably cover things that I have heard before (either through him or through my church's teaching - and praise God for that! I have access to really great resources). But the book was still just what I needed.

The book is simple, short, and really sets you straight about how you should read the Bible. Sure, I didn't actually have any mind-blowing realizations while reading the book. But I still think it is a superb book that all Christian women should read (the principles apply to men too, although the book is written to women).

This book reaffirmed my understanding of Scripture, and gave me the necessary kick in the butt where I needed it. The Bible is about God, not me. So I ought to read it that way and ask, "what does this passage reveal about God, and his story of creation, fall, redemption, and restoration?".

If you have no idea how to read the Bible, this is an excellent read.
If you want to know God more, I encourage you to give this book a quick read. It is exactly that, a quick read.
If you get solid Biblical teaching from your church, your spiritual leaders, etc., then this might just be a quick summary of what you think you already know!

Ultimately, this book is a short guide to reading your Bible. In the end, I would encourage you to go ahead and do that- read the Bible!

*Note: the images above are not my own. Hover for sources.

simply steph is moving!

2015-03-27T16:32:00.000-04:00

I'm in the process of moving my blog over to Wordpress at stephkoanie.wordpress.com. In the meantime, I'm posting on both Blogger and Wordpress until eventually I will post only at Wordpress! I haven't quite figured out when that will be yet, but I'll keep this blog around for archival reasons.

I decided to move to Wordpress because I wanted to play with more flexible layout designs, and Blogger just wasn't meeting my needs anymore. I'm now using Simply Steph to showcase my new lettering work, and continue to write about my faith (and all that interests me!).

So please, let me know what you think of the new space, and I hope to see you there!

stop gossiping about yourself!

2015-03-24T10:00:00.000-04:00

Do you ever find yourself self-conscious of what other people are thinking about you? Not saying about you, but *thinking* about you? You are probably gossiping about yourself, to yourself. This issue is near and dear to my heart, because I do it all the time.

I have a great knack for alienating people, and losing friends because I think they are talking about me. Are they gossiping about me? I have no idea. But that doesn't even matter, because I have already made up things that they are possibly saying behind my back.

My simple solution: don't do it.

James 3, 8-10 reads, "but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so."

"The tongue should teach us to speak well of, and kindly to, all who bear his image."

About this passage, Matthew Henry writes, "If we bless God as our Father, it should teach us to speak well of, and kindly to, all who bear his image. That tongue which addresses with reverence the divine Being cannot, without the greatest inconsistency, turn upon fellow-creatures with reviling brawling language. It is said of the seraphim that praise God, they dare not bring a railing accusation. And for men to reproach those who have not only the image of God in their natural faculties, but are renewed after the image of God by the grace of the gospel: this is a most shameful contradiction to all their pretensions of honouring the great Original."

So really, this post is written more as a letter to myself, telling me to praise the Lord and speak kindly of all others (myself included). If you are in a similar place, then I encourage you to spend more time in Scripture and in prayer, building your faith, and desiring nothing more than to honour God in all that you think, say, and do. Because that is precisely what I am challenging myself to do, too.

52 hand-lettered project: 10 | 52

2015-03-21T01:00:00.001-04:00

[ 10 | 52 ] home is..

This is my favourite piece to date! I had so much fun making this. I used my new dip ink calligraphy pen, and a Speedball B-4 nib. I also played around with ink splatter too. It was generally just a lot of fun to make, and I’m very happy with it!!

When I read the prompt, I naturally thought to complete the sentence with the lyrics from Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’ song Home. It’s such a catchy song. But I actually have a very convoluted idea of home, at the moment. As a student, I move so often that the physical building that I live in changes every year. I make my home, and then I leave and have to make another place my home. So I’m not sure what home is anymore.

But, I am reassured because the Bible tells me that my true home is in heaven with the Lord, “for our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:20).

52 hand-lettered project: 9 | 52

2015-03-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

[ 9 | 52 ] how I like my coffee

I love a good mug, just as much as I love a good cup of coffee, if not more! I also take my coffee with milk, but no sugar. This also happens to be the way I take my tea, too! Oh, coffee and tea, how I love thee ❤.

Happy March everyone! I hope this month brings more warmth, as I am officially done with winter, and cannot wait for spring!!

52 hand-lettered project: 8 | 52

2015-03-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

[ 8 | 52 ] things that soothe

I'm not sure if I get stressed out easily, but I do get stressed out a lot. I guess that comes with the territory of being a student. With tests, assignments, extracurriculars, and responsibilities galore, these things keep me centred.

Also, the background image I chose is of a sandwich I had from Art-Is-In Bakery this past summer. If you ever find yourself in the Ottawa area, you must go! Hands down, my favourite bakery. Just thinking about their food soothes me.. Mmm...

the 52 hand-lettered project.

2015-02-28T16:59:00.001-05:00

I decided recently that I would participate in the 52 hand-lettered project on Instagram, as a challenge to myself. This year, I would really love to get my creative mojo back, and there really is no better way than to practice, practice, practice!

Armed with my gel ink pen (yep, that's it, really!), I am tackling this challenge head on!

Since I am starting late, here are weeks 1 through 7:

A photo posted by simply steph (@simplystephstudio) on Feb 24, 2015 at 9:39pm PST

[ 1 | 52 ] my mantra for 2015

[ 2 | 52 ] summer love list

[ 3 | 52 ] one thing to do more often

[ 4 | 52 ] a summer memory

[ 5 | 52 ] places to visit

[ 6 | 52 ] a quote about love

[ 7 | 52 ] my everyday essentials

While I'm at it, I'm also hoping to up my photography game. I would love to be able to compose better images to share my work. I have discovered that my home has awful artificial lighting, and I tend to work at night, where that light is all I have.. so it has become a personal challenge to wake up earlier and take advantage of the soft morning light, or at least take photos in the afternoon when the sun is still shining.

my first commissioned work!

2015-02-25T20:05:00.002-05:00

I recently had the opportunity to design a mug for my friend to gift to his girlfriend.

The verse he chose serves as a reminder of why she studies law (hint: because God is good!). It's such a sweet gesture – she's a lucky gal!

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause." Isaiah 1:17 (ESV)

The other side includes the verse reference.

So, friends, if you would like me to help you create something, please let me know! I love being creative, with a purpose.

updating the look of my phone.

2014-08-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

I was itching to change something on my phone. I've had my phone for about a year and a half now, and other than changing the wallpaper, I haven't made many changes in a while.

When I first got my phone, I learned that there are many options to customize the phone. I used to be an iPhone gal, so this was *super* cool. I downloaded the first thing I saw, and I haven't changed much since that day (mostly because I was too lazy to set everything up again). But, like I said, I wanted to change something on my phone, and ohmygosh, I'm having a ball :D

Check it out! New launcher, icons and wallpaper.

The lock screen, and the default home page.

The pages on either side of the default home page. One has a clock, and the other my calendar.

I keep my screens pretty empty, and have frequently used apps in the dock (which scrolls and has 3 pages), leaving the rest in the app drawer. I like how clean it is, and it lets me see the wallpaper too! The wallpaper reminds me of the verse, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalm 46:10) But it's also just a really pretty background :)

I used to use Atom launcher, but Apex has way more functionality. I much prefer it. It feels much less cumbersome. Yippee! A+

Launcher: Apex // Icon Pack: Numix Circle // Wallpaper: Julie Song for designlovefest

summer highlights.

2014-08-08T11:38:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged my summer at all, so here are some highlights from this summer! As told by my phone's camera roll - no photo, no memory of it! Jk. But I am a lazy photographer.

Got a new Magic Bullet at home, and my family loves it. Having a ball making our first smoothies together, hahaha.

Tried the new ramen place in Chinatown (Ginza) and it's really really yummy.

Click through for more photos!
Read more »

get back to work.

2014-08-06T10:40:00.005-04:00

(drew ellis.)

finding rest.

2014-03-19T13:51:00.001-04:00

I am tired. How about now? Yep, still tired.

Last night I stayed up until 5AM doing research for my term paper for one of my classes. Isn't it funny how after you're done the research you feel like you're done the paper? But I actually have nothing written down right now, so if I were to hand that in- um, well, I can't really hand it in. There's nothing, haha. Gotta get writing.

But isn't this how most of us feel sometimes? We just keep going and going and going, yet it feels like nothing is getting done. We're tired. And boy am I tiiiired.

I need to learn to find rest.

A friend recently shared this article on rest. The message that stuck out to me the most is that Man is not sovereign, only God is.

So here's to finding rest and trusting in an almighty God.

a messy canvas.

2014-03-12T13:00:00.000-04:00

I think we all fear our flaws. But how crippling is your fear?

I often worry about being a perfect example for others, and therefore strive for perfection in everything I do. And that is where I fall short. I don't allow myself to make mistakes, so I either spend too much time perfecting something, or I give up and pretend it never existed in the first place.

Take this blog, for example. I wouldn't write if I didn't have a perfect post. I even get caught up with perfection when writing in my own personal journal. If my handwriting isn't perfect, if it doesn't look artistic, then why write at all? This is a silly question, because I write to reflect, not to show off my calligraphy or penmanship.

But it's okay to not be perfect. In fact, it's better to know that we aren't perfect. Christ alone is perfect. We should be okay with knowing that we are imperfect, and instead be made perfect by Christ. He gave us everything so that God would see us as perfect. He alone is enough.

Don't let your flaws cripple you. Let yourself be a work in progress, a messy canvas.

the danger in hobbies.

2014-03-10T11:30:00.000-04:00

Someone recently asked me what my hobbies were. It's funny how such a simple question can stick with you for so long, and cause you to ponder your life so thoroughly. To be honest, I don't know what my hobbies are.

I used to love telling others, "I am a blogger, a writer, an avid social media user, a baker, a cook, a crafter.." A whole host of things that I thoroughly enjoyed. If it isn't evident from my lack of recent posts, most of these have kind of... derailed. I didn't know what to blog about, so I stopped. This is because I didn't know what to write about. I no longer knew what to do to relax, and rest. I didn't know what I did to unwind.

It's very confusing when you lose track of your hobbies. I think hobbies can be a very healthy thing, but they can be dangerous when they become an obsession. I think this might be why God took them away from me. I was finding too much of my identity in these things.

I needed to take time away to think about how the things I do can point back to Christ. How can the things that I do help me find rest, and to see God's handiwork in my life?

I can't promise that I will be back and blogging with great vigour. But since this happened, I know that I have definitely felt a rush of things come to mind that I want to blog about. I want to write again! I want to draw again! I want to craft again! I want to cook again! And I really hope that in doing all these things, I don't lose sight of Christ.

My hope for this blog has always been to share my life with others. To share my life, my faith, my experiences, and to hopefully encourage. I know this, but I need to always remember this.

So hopefully in putting my trust in God, in finding my identity in Christ, I can find joy in my hobbies again.

finding my way back to Him

2014-03-09T13:41:00.000-04:00

To my brothers and sisters in Christ,

I want to share with you a bit about what I've been learning in the past little while. I hope this post can be an encouragement to you. I don't know if anyone reads my blog anymore since I rarely post as of lately.. but I really wanted to share this.

I always need to remind myself again and again of my dependence on God. The hymn Before the Throne of God Above really encourages me, especially these lyrics:

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Okay and basically the rest of the song too, haha. I have been listening to the song on repeat lately, reminding myself to run to God and to bow before Him. I did not want to, and just did not feel like it. Anytime I opened my bible I just felt like I was reading words. It just felt… blah. However, I was reminded recently to do three very important things, always.

Preach the gospel to ourselves always (yourself personally, and to other believers as well);
to remain steadfast in prayer; and
to wait patiently on the Lord.

Feeling super inadequate, I spent some time in prayer, pleading with God. I’ve also been reading a bunch of the psalms, so I just wanted to share these verses with you, Psalm 13:5-6 (NIV):

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.

So no matter where you are, and what you are feeling, I hope these words can encourage you.

In my denial of my need for God, I am sinning. I am slowly coming to realize, again, that we as human beings kind of suck. We are weak, we fail, and we are super sinful. BUT there is hope in Jesus! God is good, and He is perfect and unfailing. He stands firm and is our rock and salvation. No matter how inadequate we might be feeling about any situation, don’t forget that though we are imperfect, we have a perfect God to look to.

God is good. He gave Jesus on the cross for us, saving us from eternal condemnation. We are His. We are broken, but we are His.

With love,
from a sister who is venturing to find her way to a burning desire to be like Christ,
Steph

on being 'enough'.

2013-11-12T12:18:00.000-05:00

Something that I often struggle with is being enough and feeling loved.

As a Christian, something we should all do more often is remind ourselves again and again of the gospel and of our own salvation. If I go back to where I was before I knew God and remind myself of how God found me and what convicted me, and how He reached me.. I remember feeling alone, lost, worthless, aimless, etc. God showed me and promised me a life with Him knowing that he cares for me, that He loves me, that He gave his one and only son for me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am loved. That God loves me no matter what. I can’t screw up so badly that he will turn away from me. As big as the sin is in my life, God / still / loves / me. He won’t love me one day, and not love me another day. His love is perfect. God is love. His love is great, and I need it. I need to know that He loves me. Some days I just want to be hugged and held. And when I can’t, I get really emotional and needy. It is a big struggle to remind myself that though God won’t give me a physical hug, his Spirit dwells in me. Christ died for me. Is that not enough??

..though God won’t give me a physical hug, his Spirit dwells in me.

I have always tried to fit in. I want to fit in so badly, and in the process I end up losing sight of myself and of God. If I please people more than myself (and unfortunately, pleasing people feels much more immediate than pleasing God), I can earn their love. Ouch, I find that really hard to type. Earning their love. God’s love came free to me!!! What are you doing, Stephanie?!?!? Sometimes I want God to be a teddy bear who will comfort me all the time. But his love is better than that. He isn't simply a source of comfort, but a source of fuel.

And so, I pray that God alone will satisfy me. To know that I am enough for God and that he loves unconditionally.

how do you overcome writer's block?

2013-11-05T12:09:00.001-05:00

..you write.

I always get caught in this spiral of not knowing what to write: I have nothing to write that is interesting, nor important, nor valuable; it serves no purpose, I'm not good enough, or whatever other excuses I can make up for myself. Writer's block- it's the absolute worst. I still have nothing to write, so I'm writing about writer's block. Makes sense, right?

I feel like this is reminder to myself that I need to get back on my feet and write again. For me, the creative process comes in journalling, in drawing and in mindmapping. I miss it, I definitely do! So while I have nothing exciting nor insightful to share today, I am here to say hello. Hello! And so for the sake of updating my blog, and for the sake of getting back on my feet and writing again, I am going to update y'all.

It is now November, and well into the school year. A major major change in my life is that I found out this summer that I am graduating this year! I was originally going to take an extra year because I switched into my program a year late, but I am somehow able to take my 3rd and 4th year credits at the same time. Praise God! But at the same time, it brings lots of new challenges that I was not prepared for (but when is anyone ever prepared?). So, I am now exploring the world of post-graduation. Will I pursue more education? If so, what? Next year, or after getting work experience? Will I go into the work world next year? Basically: What will I do, and where will I go? I have definitely found myself in a sea of applications and am praying for guidance as to where I should be.

Woop woop! I don't really know if I have anything else to update y'all on. I'm doing swell, other than the usual stresses of a university student (TIME. WHAT IS TIME.), I moved (again) this year aaaaaaaaaaand yes.

Hello friends! I will try to come back and write more often. I miss this, and I will try my best to not let writer's block get the best of me. I want to share my world with you, and I do have a few ideas for some potential posts. So, see you soon! I hope :)

what are you crying over?

2013-09-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

Yes. I am writing about crying. This is kind of a weird topic for a post, but it’s in response to these two posts from Trevin Wax: I Weep for Miley and Further Thoughts.

Someone asked him if he was actually weeping, and he said yes, he did actually weep. So that got me thinking about what I weep for. You know that expression “there’s no use crying over spilt milk”? Am I crying over spilt milk? What am I crying over?

I used to cry all the time.. #girlproblems. You could set me off with anything emotionally charged. Honestly, you still can, though I cry a lot less than I used to. A secret pastime of mine is watching sappy movies and crying my way through them. And now you know!

The last time I cried was when I visited Jethro to celebrate my birthday with him and he gave me a necklace for my birthday. Now, it isn’t the necklace that made me cry, but what he said. He told me that the cross on the necklace should serve as a reminder to always look to Jesus on the cross. Our relationship is and will continue to have its challenges but the cross is a continual reminder for us. A reminder of who we are as Christians and that it is God at the centre of our relationship. This made me cry because I was simultaneously looking forward to the necklace (which I “didn’t know about” but secretly or not-so-secretly did know about) while also not wanting to get a present for the sake of presents (they really are silly). But this bold reminder was what I needed. Jesus gave me everything when He died on the cross - that's the best present ever!

The last time I broke down sobbing was a weekend last spring where nothing was going ~~right~~- er, I mean, nothing was going my way. You know those “WHY MEE???” moments? That’s what I was going through. But that weekend also came at such an opportune time. Our fellowship was running what we call an Iron Chef night where we cook food to feed each other and our friends, and we put on skits that illustrate the Gospel. And the next day, a bunch of my friends were getting baptized at church and they shared their testimonies of where they’ve been and how God has come into their lives. All the while, I was having the worst few weeks, and throwing myself a huge pity party. The reminder of the Gospel was so loud and clear that weekend. I broke down and let the tears stream down my face. It was a reminder to not get caught up in my own life and to be constantly preaching the Gospel to myself!

So yes, my tears are what we like to call Jesus tears. I wouldn’t say my tears are only Jesus tears now - I’ll probably still cry if I watch a sappy movie. But for the most part, I cry when I am moved. And I am most moved by my Saviour. I cannot stress how amazing it is that Jesus took on my sin and became my sacrificial lamb, dying on that cross so I could live an eternal life with God. Jesus’ death and resurrection move me in a way that nothing else can.