In an instant, my heart smiles and my heart sinks. The precious little voice saying “My legs are too short” brings one of those precious and cute moments from a young child that I want to remember for a lifetime. The realization that I was nearly dragging my daughter across the parking lot because of my self-oriented one-track focus made my heart sink. I was not paying attention to the big picture and, in my desire to “get there”, I was creating a difficult situation for my daughter.

Life Lesson #312: If you move too fast, your kids will never be able to keep up.

Avoiding the Emergency Room

Most of us have a height and weight advantage over young children. This position comes with a responsibility to those who are younger and smaller – we need to pay attention to our physical surroundings in order to protect our kids. Sometimes this is by remembering to walk at the speed of the child whose hand you are holding. Sometimes this is by picking up and holding close the child that needs to be carried or needs the extra protection. Sometimes this is by simply helping our child to see the things ahead of them that they do not know to look for. In other words, instead of focusing on just ourselves, we have to intentionally be aware of our surroundings and those that we have charge over.

Life Lesson #312.1: If you move too fast, you will look like the enemy.

Leading Instead of Being The Enemy
There is a leadership principle that teaches us that if we are a few steps ahead of our followers, then we are seen as the leader; but, if we are too far ahead, then we look like the enemy.  The same principle is true with our children and families. We must be a little ahead in order to lead our families well. However, we appear to be the enemy when we are so far ahead of our families that they don’t know or can’t see our thoughts, vision or expectations. Sometimes this happens when our thoughts and expectations change rapidly. Sometimes this happens when we neglect to communicate our vision and expectations with our family. We have to remember that we spend a whole lot more time with our thoughts than anyone else does and our family has no way of knowing what we are thinking unless we intentionally tell them. We have to intentionally lead our family to where we are.

Slow down.  Be intentional.  Communicate often.  Lead with purpose.  And help those around you to keep up.

Photo Credit: cooldesign at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The post “Daddy! Stop! My Legs Are Too Short!” – Life Lesson #312 first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

But, as the kids get grow, the endless sea of words also. Question after question until I just can’t take it anymore.  If you have kids or have spent much time around children, I bet you know exactly what I mean…

Daddy, how old are the mountains?  Daddy, how do trees grow?  Daddy, what does precocious mean?  Why?  Why not?  Daddy, why does grandpa smell that way?  Daddy, why does Darth Vader wear a mask and sound so funny?  Daddy, when will I live in heaven?  Daddy, what is divorce?  Daddy, when will I get to drive?

Face it. Children ask a lot of questions. It is the way they were created, what fuels their brain development, and how they learn about the world around them. When they are young, the questions are almost comical. As they get older, the questions can be complex, hard and even scary to answer. But, frankly, it is better than the alternative – the silence because they don’t want to talk to you; or the child who never cares to learn anything and is content going nowhere in life.

What To Do?

But, how do we make it through today without going crazy? How do we deal with the never-ending questions. Well, we can either:

• Ignore the questions
• Demand an end to the questions
• Actually answer the questions

I have tried all three; and, I admit that I am guilty of using the first option way too often. And when answering the questions, I have, more than once, responded with the shortest answer I can think of…even if it wasn’t necessarily an accurate or truthful answer (yes, the man in the moon does like cheese).

What To Do … Really

Now with that off my conscience, I can say that what I should consistently do is something a little more intentional. What is that, you ask? It is a three-step process in which I choose to invest in my children:

1. Accept the need for kids to ask questions and explore the world around them (whether they are 2 or 22).
2. Answer their questions – Intentionally engage my kids in conversations about their questions.
3. Lead them into new questions or realms of discovery that I think may be helpful for them or that they would enjoy.  If I am lucky enough to be asked the questions, then I am blessed with an opportunity to influence and to make a difference in their life.

Of course, sometimes I wonder if I should always answer their questions. The answer: No, a child does not always need to be given a 2-hour discourse on the topic at hand. Sometimes a child needs the opportunity to work out the answers on their own or with some simple guidance. And sometimes there is simply not enough time or I am not in a great place for answering questions.

What do I do when there is not enough time, or I am tired or we have simply exhausted the time for questions? I work at simply and calmly telling my kids something like this:  “That is a great question! I would love to answer that question for you right now; but, we need to save that question for a little later.”

Sometimes, answering questions is the last thing that I want to do. However, the time invested with my kids now is invaluable and I may never get the same opportunity again. So, I have to take advantage of it.

Don’t Know the Answer – It’s Okay

Oh yeah, what if I don’t have the answers? I can’t be the hero all the time by knowing everything. So, I become humble and willing to learn. Sometimes I accept the fact that I don’t know the answer and then I let my kids in on my little secret. Sometimes I suggest that it would be a great research topic (especially for my older kids). And through the process, I am discovering that it can actually be fun to learn something together with my kids.

The post How To Survive The Endless Kid Questions first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

No, the phrases were not curse words. And, yes, there are times when it is appropriate to use one of the phrases as a response. But, when they are just excuses to keep from doing anything that requires effort, the mere sounds of the words grate on my nerves.

The Phrases

Phrase #1: “I Can’t”
Phrase #2: “It’s Too Hard”

My son often uses these five words when he doesn’t want to put the effort into doing something – when he thinks it will be too much work or even when he simply does not want to get off the couch. The phrases have also been used when my son is afraid that he will not attain perfection in the goal or task that I have set for him (yes, there are perfectionist tendencies; and, no, perfection is not a general requirement in our house). From schoolwork to chores and everything in between, these phrases have been a common response in the attempt to get out of doing what he doesn’t want to do.

How I Changed Our Direction

1. Stop Defeating Yourself.  I talked to my kids about how the language we use affects everything. The more we say that “I can’t” or “it’s too hard”, the more we believe it and the more we defeat ourselves. I also challenged my kids to not let those words be used in our family (my kids have the opportunity to challenge me if I use those words as an excuse).

2. Visual Reminder.  I created a sign for my son to hang in his room. He will see this sign every morning when he wakes up. The sign simply listed the phrases with a red circle drawn around the phrase and a red line through the phrase – kind of like the “forbidden” or “not allowed” signs.

3. Introduce New Phrases.  When removing a bad habit, experts tell you that you must replace the behavior with something else – or, the bad habits are likely to return. So, I am introducing new phrases for my son to use. I started with encouraging my son to use words like “I can”, “I will”, “I love a challenge” and the reminder that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Excuses are an everyday challenge for all of us.  What’s your story?  How have you led your kids to give up the language of excuses?

The post Two Phrases I Can’t Stand To Hear My Children Say And What I Did About It first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

The other day I heard the voice of my confused two-year-old daughter exclaiming, “Daddy, the crayon doesn’t work!”  She desperately wanted me to fix it; so, she held the crayon out to me with great expectation.  I examined it.  Everything seemed to be in perfect working order.  I mean, it is a stick of wax – what can really go wrong with it.  I told her that it did work and proceeded to show her as much.

She was still confused.  The colored stick of wax still didn’t do what she wanted it to do…

Then it finally hit me.  It wasn’t that the crayon didn’t work; but, that the she could not see her desired result.  The problem was the combination of the color of the crayon and the the color of the paper being colored upon – they were both white!  So, to the eyes of a little girl, it just didn’t work.

Often times, as parents, it is easy to over-look or dismiss the questions and confusions of our children.  It is easy to expect them to remember everything we have taught them.  It is easy to expect them to see the world the way we see the world.

And, it is easy to be frustrated when our children don’t understand things the way we expect or want them to.

As parents, we want to help our children, we are called to teach our children and we are responsible for leading our children.  But, we are often left asking questions like:

What does my child really want?  Why are they acting that way?  What are they trying to tell me?  How do I connect with them?  How do I inspire my child?

Understanding Your Child

In order to answer these questions (and others like them), you must first learn to understand your child.  Here are two essential aspects to start with:

1. Slow down and listen.  We are often quick to speak for our children.  Instead of putting words into their mouths, we must take time to listen.  Listen to the words, and the heart behind the words, that they use.  You may be surprised at what you will learn.
2. See the world from their perspective.  A child does not see the world the way adults do.  Yet, it is easy to assume that our children “get” the world in the same way we do.  So, we must be intentional in learning to see the world from their vantage point.  Walk around on your knees.  Play their games.  Spend an hour living by the same rules and expectations that they do.  Engage their world.

There is not a formula that leads to complete understanding of your child.  The point, though, is to study your child.  As you get to know your child, listening to them and learning to see the world from their perspective, you will gain incredible insights for understanding and connecting with your child.

Question:  What has helped you in learning to understand your children?  You can click here to leave a comment below.

Photo Credit: mattdoucette

The post The Broken Crayon – Learning To Understand Your Child first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

I watched my dad a lot while I was growing up.  I know, we all watched our parents, didn’t we?  Sometimes my dad knew I was watching and sometimes he did not…like the time that he apparently gained clearance from the FAA to perform as a low-flying aircraft.

When I was in 7th grade, my dad took me on a camping trip with our boy scout troop.  We pitched a tent.  We hiked.  We chopped firewood.  We built a campfire.  We cooked food over the campfire (including s’mores).  It rained.  We had fun.  And we had to leave early so that I could be back home in time for a soccer game.

We were supposed to leave really early Saturday morning.  However, we overslept.  We hurried to get things settled and into the car.  We left late; really late.  And, as my custom was, I sacked out while my dad drove.

Now for the low-flying aircraft part…

My dad always did his best to keep his word and to be where we needed to be when we needed to be there.  So, while I was sleeping and we were on some back roads of West Texas, the car hovered a little above the ground as my dad exaggerated the speed limit – just a bit.

My dad didn’t really know that I woke up a couple of times and peeked at the speedometer.  I was amazed to see the needle pointing at numbers that were clearly not intended to rate speed.  I was a little surprised, excited, even inspired a bit because my dad was, in a sense, fighting for me.

So, I covered my smile, closed my eyes and went back to sleep.  And, even though I should have been a little scared, I knew I was safe and that we would make it to the game on time.  After all, I was with my dad.

Four Roles Children Need From Their Dad (parents)

As I think about my dad and what he did for me on that day, I realize that there are four basic roles that children need from their dads (parents).  Dads need to be:

1. Protector.  Children need to know that they are safe. Period.
2. Provider.  There is always uncertainty these days.  But, children want to know that they will have what they need (notice, I said need…not want).
3. Supporter.  Children need to be loved and to be encouraged.  They need their dad to believe in them, to help them along the way and to be their biggest fan.
4. Example.  If we don’t show them the way, they will follow the world.  Our children need to see our examples in every part of life – from hobbies to work; from family and relationships to emotions and attitudes; choices in actions, reactions, words, and what we do with our down time…just to name a few.  And, they especially need a great example to follow in what we do with God and our spiritual lives.

When children see these roles lived out and truly believe that they are protected, are provided for, are supported and have great examples to follow, they know they can take on the world and accomplish anything.

Question: What is the most important role that you play?  How have your children been inspired by watching you?

Photo Credits: Remco Donselaar; MaxWdhs

The post Dad Didn’t Know I Was Watching first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

Several years ago, my dad was introduced to a group of young boys as a lion tamer.  Pretty exciting, huh?  I think there was some mention of the chair and whip that he used and the narrow escapes from certain death.  The young boys were captivated.  They hung on every word and wanted to hear every detail.

Interesting side note, though, is that my dad has never stepped foot into a cage with a lion (like a circus hero), into a den of lions (like a favorite biblical hero), or into a pit with a lion on a snowy day (like some other biblical hero).

My dad has done many things in his life, and 4-legged beasts have never been a match for him (he was a dog-whisperer before there ever was The Dog Whisperer).  But, I have never known him to be in the circus or even to have gone on an African safari.  Needless to say, I was a bit surprised at this new twist.

So, why did this leader introduce my dad as a lion tamer?  Simple.  For a weekend trip, the leader wanted this group of boys to have someone that they would listen to, look up to, respect, and obey without question.  And he used a description that would gain the boys’ immediate attention and admiration.  I think there was also a little of that fear factor instilled…like “you don’t want to mess with him, he’s not afraid to battle with lions!”

The Roles

Even though this leader stretched the truth a bit, this does remind us of the roles that we play in our children’s lives – and the kind of roles that they need to see modeled for them.  What are some of these roles?  I am glad you asked…

1. The Authority Figure.  This role represents one who commands respect and elicits obedience.  Even when they do not have the answer for everything, they are trusted as your leader.
2. The Hero. The hero generates admiration and often demonstrates characteristics that children want to imitate.  They battle for their family and for the greater good of their community.
3. The Lover.  The lover is a tender-hearted person who genuinely loves people, shows concern and compassion for others and is not afraid to show a little emotion.  A man hug may be an appropriate greeting for this kind of guy.  And, an ability to cry may be required.
4. The Worker.  The worker demonstrates a strong work ethic and the need to work in all circumstances as if we are working for God.  The sloth and sluggard are direct opposites of this role.
5. The Servant.  The servant consistently leads by setting aside their own needs and desires for the benefit of others. They set the example of how we should treat, help and serve others.
6. The Spiritual Warrior.  This spiritual warrior demonstrates a vital relationship with Jesus, shows how our spiritual life is not separate from our everyday life, and fights for their families in a spiritual battle with the evil dark forces of this world.  The Bible is common reading material and prayer is the weapon of choice.
7. The Wise Guy 1.  Yep, there has to be one.  Our children need to see adults that can have fun in the right way at the right time.
8. The Wise Guy 2.  Along with the funny guy, children also need to see someone who is trusted to share Godly wisdom and insight.

I bet that you can think of some other roles as well.  The point is that children need great examples to follow.  And we need to intentionally demonstrate these roles for our kids.  Otherwise, they will settle for anything the world offers them.

You Don’t Have To Be Everything

One more thought…  It’s tough to be all things for our kids – even as much as we want our children to see us as the best in all of these roles.  This is where community comes in.

Reggie Joiner, in his book Parenting Beyond Capacity, shares a story about his son refusing to tell him the truth behind a late night out – simply because he was dad and there are things that you don’t want to talk about with your dad.  Reggie initially expressed great frustration over this.  However, a new option was soon discovered.

Reggie asked his son a simple question, “If you are not willing to talk with me; then, who will you talk with?”  The son thought for a minute and then named another man that he looked up to.  This man was a trusted family friend with similar ideals and beliefs.  Dad could now trust that the son would still have a great influence; and, son could now speak about those awkward things that you don’t want to talk about with your parents.

Our children need to see Godly people in action.  Sometimes that comes from us; and, sometimes from someone else.

Question: What roles do you play? What have your children learned from watching you?

Photo Credit: kghai (Creative Commons); Xanthius

The post I Never Knew My Dad Was A Lion Tamer first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

Like the good father that I am (or, at least, want to be), I tried to talk with my son.  Initially, he did not say much to me.  However, as I watched him and his reactions to the unfortunate incident, I recognized a look of sadness.

After some time, my son was my son finally spoke a bit with me and used some words that I had not heard him use before.  Instead of words about how mean the other kids had been or what he wanted to do to get even with them, he said to me, “Dad, my feelings are broken.”

My heart sank.

Yes, kids are often mean to each other and do stupid things that hurt.  This simple description, though, caught my attention and I became really sad for my son.  I know that my son contributed to the situation.  But, it broke my heart to hear how heart-broken he was.

Repairing The Broken Feelings

Life can be hard – even for children.  So, what do you do for your child(ren) when they do get their feelings hurt?  This helps my children:

• Love on your child.
• Listen to your child. Let them tell their stories and listen for the deeper meanings.
• Hold your child.  Some children do not like to be touched or held close.  However, a loving touch, a good hug, or even sitting close to your child will make a difference.
• Encourage.  Let your child know they are important – to you and quite often even to those that hurt their feelings.
• Talk with your child about their part in the incident.  No conflict is ever one-sided.  Their is always something to learn about our part.
• Help your child understand that this one incident does not define who they are.
• Lead your child to see that there is hope.
• Laugh.  Sometimes you just need to tell some funny stories and have a good laugh.
• Pray with your child.  Let your child know that they, and this incident, are important to God and that God will help when we ask.
• Love on them some more.

When Broken Feelings Are Because Of You

This story inspired me to start thinking about all the different things that we, as parents, do that break our children’s feelings.  It does happen, doesn’t it?  Even though we would never do something intentionally to hurt our children, it is easy to say or do something that goes further than we intended, that comes out the wrong way, or is just simply a poor reaction to our own situation.

What do you do when this happens?  Use the list above.  And add one more:

• Apologize.  We all make mistakes.  Our children know it.  But, they also need to know that they are important enough for an apology.

Question:  What do you do for your child when their feelings are broken?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

The post What To Do When Your Child’s Feelings Are Broken first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

We know all of this; but, it is still so easy to get stuck in a bad mood, to respond to situations in anger (like I did once) and even to disconnect from everyone and everything.  And, just when we are having our own little self-pity party, we have the privilege of experiencing everyone else reflecting our attitude back toward us.

So, how do we keep the awesome good attitude and fend off the evil bad attitude?

1. Identify your stressors.

Know what things put you on edge and make you more susceptible to a bad attitude and bad responses to other people.

 2. Be aware of the time.

Know when your stressors are most likely to occur and plan accordingly.

3. Plan responses for your stressors.

Having a plan for what to do when stressors occur.  Develop responses that can help to reduce the stress, defuse the situation, and help you to avoid over-reacting.

4. Get some sleep.

We are more susceptible to stressors when we are tired.  be intentional about getting enough sleep.  And, when you don’t get enough sleep, be prepared to work extra hard to maintain your attitude.

5. Maintain margins.  Learn to say no.

Our culture entices us to live lives that are stretched too thin and in too many directions.  When there is no room for errors and the unpredictable occasions of life, we can implode…or explode all over those around us.  Learn to say no to enough things in life so that there is enough room for life to happen.

6. Take time off.

Okay, so you can’t always take a break from life – it’s not like you can take a day every week away from your family, work, and the world around you.  But, you can find a few minutes or a couple of hours (on a regular basis) where you can turn down the volume of life and engage in an activity that refreshes and reenergizes you.  Read a book, listen to music, take a walk, work in the yard, bake cookies, create something…do something that you love to do.  Spend time with Jesus.

7. Manage your influencers.

As much as our attitudes impact others, we are also influenced by the people and media (e.g. books, music, movies, television, etc.) that we surround ourselves with.

I have heard it said that “the books you read and the people you surround yourself with will affect who you become in five years.”  It’s true.  And, it is important to remember that this is an ongoing molding process that touches every part of your life and is affected by everything you let into your life.

Be intentional.  Choose wisely.  Evaluate often.  Always take the high road.

Question: Has a bad attitude ever got the best of you? What do you do to keep a good attitude…especially when you want to have a bad attitude?  You can click here to leave a comment.

The post How To Keep Your Attitude From Erupting Into A Bad Attitude first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

I know that my kids do watch me. In fact, I often-times think I am training parrots as my kids mimic everything they see and hear. And I quite often think I am looking at a mirror when I see how my children reflect attitudes, mannerisms, words and actions.

But, sometimes, it seems like my children just don’t notice, understand or appreciate the countless number of times that I do something to help them, to take care of them, to make them feel special or to simply be nice. And then I am left to my downcast feelings about the whole situation (e.g. feeling sorry for myself).

In those times, it is important to remember that children do see more than they let on and much more than we realize. They notice much of what we do, even when we don’t think they are looking. For your encouragement, read the following poem written from a child to her mom.

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I learned that the little things can be very special in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,
and I learned that we all need to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw you give your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that everyone can make a difference.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it,
and I learned the importance of FAMILY.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good,
and I learned that I would need to be responsible when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I sometimes saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned there are things that can hurt, yet it’s O.K. to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I saw that you truly cared about people,
and I wanted to be everything that I could possibly be
to follow in your footsteps.

When you thought I wasn’t looking…
I looked at you and wanted to say,
“Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”

–original poem by Mary Rita Schilke Korzan;
additions by an unknown author

Our children watch. They learn. Even when we are not intentionally trying to teach a lesson. You make an impact. You set an example. You are noticed. You make a difference. Don’t ever stop loving and knowing that you are loved too.

Have you done something, that you thought had gone unnoticed, only to find out later that it had an impact?  You can leave a comment by clicking here.

The post When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking first appeared on Steven Cribbs.

I have the awesome privilege of working with children – at home, of course, and at church.  Some of the most amazing experiences I have in these roles come when I pray with children.

Kids may say the darnedest things at the worst possible moments; but, I have also heard them say some of the most

deep, pure, real, innocent and funny thoughts when praying.  Many times I am left thinking about what I can take away to use when I “talk to God”.

Fifteen insights Learned From Children

1. It is okay to pray about anything and everything – even your pet goldfish that must be bored because all he does is swim around in circles.
2. God has a sense of humor and it is okay to laugh when you pray.
3. Prayers do not need a lot of words. In fact, if it is a group prayer, too many words will bore everyone else – either putting them to sleep or sending them into their own giggly conversation (I wonder, does that include God?).
4. You must pray about whatever just happened – even if it is the belch that the person next to you just let out.
5. It’s sometimes necessary to pray for the same thing over and over and over again (just don’t forget #4).
6. It’s okay to repeat the prayer that someone else just prayed.
7. You don’t always need real words to pray (just ask my two-year-old that prays with a mixture of words that I understand and sounds that I don’t – although, you can always decipher her “Dear Jesus”!).
8. Sometimes shouting your prayer is the best way to go and sometimes you need to say it so quietly that no one can hear you.
9. Prayer still works if you are running while you pray (just don’t run with scissors or you will be scolded).
10. You don’t need to know all the details to pray a powerful prayer for someone or some situation.
11. You can pray for your brother to be nicer to you.
12. You can pray for help being respectful to your parents (and everyone else).
13. You can pray when you are happy, sad, hurt, scared and excited.
14. You can pray for the power of God to be in you.
15. And, Talking To God Changes Things!

Thinking about the way children pray, and the words they offer, are often enough to make you laugh (or at least smile a little). Yet, there is much that we can learn about our attitude, posture, methods, subject-matter, and expectations that should surround our connection with God.

Question: What stories do you have and what have you learned from the prayers of children?  Share your story by clicking here.

The post Everything You Need To Know About Prayer Can Be Learned From A Kid first appeared on Steven Cribbs.