What are ya’ll going to do about school for the boys? Public, private or home?
We are not sure yet.  We are open to everything and praying about what is best for our family.

As you may know women tend to be attracted to men in leadership.  Do women ever act interested in your husband. If so, how does it make you feel?
Angry.  I would kill them with my eyes (and then possibly with my hands).

Here’s my question: How do you, as a Pastor’s wife, address your hubby – the slang intimate ones?  Is it Steven, My Husband, Pastor, Pastor Steven, Pastor Furtick or what have you???
When talking to him, 99% of the time I call him Babe or Baby.  When writing, I refer to him as PF.  When talking to others about him, sometimes I just call him Steven or my husband.

Hey Holly, You have an incredible family but you must go through some trials and frustrations as we all do. How difficult is it being a preacher’s wife in such a fast paced, growing church?
You said it right, we all do.  I don’t think that the trials of being a pastor’s wife are more difficult than that of any other woman today.  They are just different and maybe a little more lonely.  I pray a lot.  I have a lot of people who pray for me and my family every day.  And I try to keep a good perspective.

I was wondering what you think that it was that your parents or other person did that helped make you the man (Pastor) and woman that you are and that you are going to do with your own children.
I hope so.  I pray so!  I think our parents did a great job raising us.  I know there was lots of prayer involved.  I hope we can do the same with our kids.

For the wife’s perspective, how was church planting?  What do you do to help your husband?  Do you have any tips for other church planting wives or those whose husband are dreaming of church planting?
The church planting phase was just that, church planting.  No phase gets easier, it just gets different.  My tip… Believe in your husband and tell him that you believe in him.  Every. Single. Day.  And about a dozen times on Sunday.

Despite busy schedules w/ ministry, how do you and Pastor Steven find time to spend together? Any suggestions on fun dates?
Sorry, we are pretty boring as far as fun activities go.  We just like to eat out and talk to each other.   We sometimes go to bookstores and read together.  Every now and then we go to a movie.

A lot of you asked questions that I have already answered on my blog.  Check out my side bar categories.  In my You Asked category, I answered a lot of questions about our daily life, bible reading, dealing with judgmental people, raising kids and more.   One day soon I plan to give some dating advice and tell our story so check back too.

It’s been great spending the week with you.  Your favorite Furtick will be back on Monday with his great and always concise and challenging posts.  Have a great weekend!!

I think I am going to have fun answering this question. Where should I begin?

When I first met PF, one of the main things that attracted me to him was his dynamic personality and his love for people. Even today, he has a way of making every person he meets feel special and liked. I used to joke with him that he had more best friends than anyone I knew.

He is extremely musical. He can sing and play the guitar. He can hear notes in his head. One of the first times I ever saw him lead a large group of people for a common vision was through the music ministry at our college BSU. Many people don’t know that he led the worship AND preached the first year or so of our church. When we began to talk about hiring someone to lead music, our team was so picky because we truly loved it when PF lead the worship.

He is more introverted than he comes across. He is not energized by people. His idea of fun is hanging out at home with me and the boys and maybe one other couple.

He cares a lot about his health, now. He used to be the craziest eater. When we first got married, it was nothing for him to eat a 1 lb bag of peanut m&m’s (his favorite candy) and one of his favorite meals was hotdogs. He now eats with such moderation. He enjoys a few m&m’s now and then but eats very reasonably and I can’t remember the last time he ate a hotdog. He works out regularly.

He is a neat freak. His car looks like a rental and his closet is immaculate. He is really bothered by carpet that is stained or needs to be vacuumed.

He is super picky about the sound at our church. I would hate to be the sound guy at any of our campuses.

He chews things. The ends of his pens look like a puppy got a hold of them. He also chews hard candy, never sucks on it. Even cough drops.

He shakes his feet when he is trying on shoes at a store to see if they fit.

He loves to match. He would never wear a brown belt with black shoes. He can really obsess about this one.

He truly walks with God.

He is his worst critic.

He has an amazing ability to call things out in people.  He challenges the people around him.

He loves God and he loves people and it is an honor to be his wife.  Ok, you’re puking now.  I wish everyone could know him like I do.

In the early days, my way of supporting my husband was more involved. I sang back ground vocals every Sunday for the first 18 months of Elevation. During the first year, I also helped out in our children’s ministry after singing. I taught stories in Ekidz, lead a small group and served as a one on one. Whatever was needed.

After the birth of our second child, Graham, I had to refocus my priorities. Getting to a rehearsal at 6am on a Sunday morning was not helpful to my husband or my kids. There were others who could fill that spot. So for the past 18 months my role has developed into a more supportive role for my husband.

Currently, I sit through every service that he preaches live. Why? He likes me there and he wants my feedback. I am backstage with him, helping him get dressed, talking about the message etc…

We are blessed to have great volunteers who are called to help our family, one on Saturday, one on Sunday. Saturdays are more intense, so the boys stay home, play and get to bed on time. Sundays, the boys and I attend the first two services PF preaches at.

Elijah and Graham don’t sit through the whole service (our children’s ministry is much more fun), but they do get to hear some of the worship and go backstage to visit their dad (and eat his food). After their second service, they go home with some good friends of ours for lunch and naps.

Meanwhile, PF preaches one more time, and I attend that service as well. Afterwards, we head home for lunch (take out), debriefing of the day and rest. The boys come home around 4. On the weekends where he preaches Sunday night, we vary what we do.

The schedule and tasks may change, but my purpose remains the same. The supportive role I play may not look or, at times, feel important but I know that it is. I would encourage all women married to men in the ministry to figure this out for their family. And men? Be honest with your wife. Tell her what you need from her.

Clearly define your roles and priorities and figure out what that looks like for your family and your ministry situation.

I can’t promise I will get to each question that was submitted, but I should be able to combine a few. I also can’t promise my posts will be as to the point as PF’s, truly, I cannot compete with his language genius, but I will do my best to be concise and not ramble.

Ok let’s get to it!

Many of you asked questions about our marriage, the pace of our ministry and how that translates at home. I feel like the answer to that is simple, we fight to keep our marriage strong. We set priorities and respect each other. We understand the seasons of ministry and we cut each other slack.

One person asked me, “Is Pastor Steven really ‘home’ when he’s home?”

I know that this is a struggle for him. But he works very hard at it. Is he perfect? No. But I understand that ministry is not a job that you can leave at work. When you pastor a growing church, you have a lot on your mind. I can say that 99% of the time, he will put it away until our boys go to bed. He never comes into the house on the phone. On the flip side of that, I understand that there are times where he needs to sit in the driveway to finish a call so he can give his attention to his family when he comes in.

We are a team. We talk about church a lot. Sometimes it’s talking about his message for the weekend. Sometimes we dream about the future. Other times we talk about his frustrations and discuss solutions to problems. If I want to be a part of his world, I have to take the good with the bad.

We protect the things that are important to us. Like date night and family time, every week. Yes, we go on a date every week. We budget for it. And we spend quality time together as a family each Friday. We say no a lot.

We carefully manage our calendar and strategically work in weekends off to take a break from the fast pace of Elevation church. Sometimes this means I tag along with him to an outside speaking engagement and we make a weekend of it. Other times we take our kids on vacation and give them undivided attention with very minimal calls to check in back home.

We aren’t locked into holidays. Who says you have to hunt for eggs on Easter Sunday and open presents on the 25th of December?

We work around stressful days of the week. Like Saturday mornings, before it all starts and Sunday nights, after it is all over, I never ask him to change a diaper, watch the kids, cook a meal or fix something (ok, I never ask him to fix things, just not his strength).
The way I see it, keeping a calm house, especially on the weekends, is my ministry to people who are far from God who will come to our church each weekend. I may not run the children’s ministry or sing on the stage, but what I do is essential to the work of God at Elevation Church.

Is it easy? Of course not, but every successful marriage is made up of two people who are understanding of each other, who put one another first, and who make it work, no matter what their circumstances.

Ok so much for my promises to be concise and not ramble. I’m done now. Happy Monday!

Hello stevenfurtick.com readers.  Next week I am hijacking my husband’s blog to answer your questions.  This is your chance to hear what it is like to be married to Pastor Steven Furtick.  Ask away and I will be candid and honest.

Send your questions to pastor@elevationchurch.org and I will see you back here next week, sort of.

Make sure you measure your circumstances from the baseline
of what you really deserve.

The reality of grace invalidates any claim to complaint you may stake.

The basis of all complaining is one of the following two erroneous beliefs:

1. I deserve something good I didn’t get.
2. I don’t deserve something bad I did get.

Complaining takes your perspective out of the realm of the unmerited, unlimited, inexhaustible grace of Jesus.  The spirit of complaining squares it’s shoulders and demands what it deserves.

I promise you – you don’t want what you really deserve.

God loves you.  He wants to bless you.  He has every intention of being good to you.

But anything short of eternal torment and separation from God in hell is a blessing.  No matter how unfair your current situation may be, it’s a lot better than what you deserve.  Never forget that.

The next time you’re tempted to complain, check your perspective.
You should be in hell.

That ought to put your complaint in its place.