Still Mind has gone through many iterations since I started this blog in 2015.

It started as an idea on the ceiling when I felt lost as an independent recording artist and desperate for change.

Then it evolved into a creative obsession, sparked by a conversation I had with my collaborator Brett (who designed the first logo, header image, and merch) on a flight to Tokyo.

When we were back in LA, I cycled again and again through this vision we had of a digital magazine with “art, design, music, and mind” as its pillars. It was an invigorating exercise filled with mood boards, films, playlists, and scheduled posts. And by the time the site went public, it was actually quite close to what we had dreamed up.

Friends and strangers reached out to tell me how the content on Still Mind was resonating with them. Guest writers and Q&As added more dimension (special thanks to contributors like Ossy, Ben, Rene, Greg, Juliet, Mona, Yoshino, Mark, Evan, Dyan, Elyn, Jane, Michael, and Jacqueline <3.

We even planned and co-produced a few events. Our community of creative seekers looking for the inspiration to keep going was growing.

But in the end the full vision, which walked the line between lifestyle brand and digital movement, just wasn’t sustainable.

For quite some time now it’s been a one-man show, and as such, I feel compelled to make the footprint smaller.

Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way:

Lesson 1: There’s a huge gap between self-directing a solo project and leading a collective.

You have to learn how to communicate clearly with yourself before you attempt to lead others in any significant way.

Most of the avoidant behavior that was my default as an only child and chronically single person in my 20s simply did not work in the context of a large editorial project. Even with the accountability of people watching me, I eventually ran out of steam and stopped following up with contributors. By 2017 I had ghosted all of our Slack channels and Trello boards without a trace.

In hindsight, a lot of the community-based aspects were driven by my own need for external validation. Still Mind was a personal quest to prove I could send a message that was transcendent and build something worth following. But I don’t need a collective to do that. I just need to get out of my own way.

Seven years later, a lot of the extra pressure to keep up the content machine and involve a large network of people has faded away. I still have a strong desire to document my observations in real time, just at a different pace and a different scope.

Lesson 2: You don’t have to monetize everything you create, or everything you love or everything you have a passion for.

It’s okay to invest in things that don’t necessarily make a return (see: research and development and creativity for creativity’s sake).

If you’ve ever had a side project - a home bakery, a clothing brand, a party to promote - you’ve flirted with this tipping point. When what you love becomes what you do for a living.

The switch sounds simple. And the creator economy really has our generation in a chokehold. But the artist-to-influencer-to-enterprise pipeline shares many of the trappings I’m familiar with from the music industry, and I don’t yet know how to reconcile it.

Whenever I’ve depended solely on my art to sustain a living, it has sucked the joy out of my process. To preserve that joy, I’m willing to make some tradeoffs.

I’ve stopped beating myself up about projects that never took off or turned a profit, web domains I bought and never used, and paid apps that haven’t seen a login since signup.

Still Mind still costs me more in hosting and service fees than it brings in, and that’s okay. Having returned to working a corporate 9 to 5, I have the privilege of saying so.

I will continue to learn the language of business, media, and technology in my own way, because I’m deeply interested in it. I just won’t subject my writing or my music or my social media to every tool of modern capitalism to make it happen.

There are plenty of other ways to explore.

Lesson 3: Make learning the goal, always.

I keep reminding myself that progress is never linear and my goals are allowed to evolve over time.

Adaptation and self-compassion is key.

That’s what allows me to go back and appreciate how big the vision was for Still Mind in 2015. And I get to be grateful for all the things I learned while building it. Things like:

• How to take an idea from concept to execution.

• How to design and iterate for the web without knowing how to code.

• How to write things that people will read and remember.

• How to organize my thoughts to inspire action.

• How to talk about myself with confidence.

• How to show up consistently, even when it feels imperfect or unstructured.

In 2023, I’m still figuring out where to take my creativity next.

The biggest challenge for me is not being self-conscious about the new topics I want to explore.

“To be seen trying” is always scary.

But the more often I show up, the better I get at bearing the uncomfortable feelings that come along with it.

And when I finally strip my identity down and free myself from the tyranny of “brand” and perfectionism, I trust that the whoever needs my message will find it.

Constantly revisiting and rewriting and remapping through this outlet has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible.

When learning is the goal, I can always find my way to success.

I’m convinced, now more than ever, that success is in the practice and in the journey that continues today.

1. When was the last time I felt inspired?

2. What have I caught myself daydreaming about lately?

3. What's good about life right now and why?

These questions generate momentum for my day.

Whenever I'm distracted, "all over the place," and struggling to find a center, I ask myself the following:

1. What do I care about the most?

2. What can I do today to support it?

3. Who might help me along the way?

These questions keep me focused on what's important.

When I'm a little scared of something new, feeling vulnerable and uncertain, I ask myself the following:

1. What does younger me (me of the past) need to know?

2. What would older me (me of the future) appreciate right now?

3. How will I show up for myself today?

I am visualizing a life that makes sense for me and my needs, for the right time and the right place.

Which questions will you answer for yourself today?

1. I've come a long way and my experience is unique.

2. Growth is a process that takes time and requires discomfort.

3. No need to judge my emotions as good or bad.

4. Rest stops are essential and help is available.

5. Little things are worth celebrating.

Which one of these do you feel the most?

1. Reading (the signs). I realized I was unhappy and finally took responsibility for it. When I opened myself up to the idea of help, help arrived. When I opened myself up to the idea of change, I allowed it to happen.

2. Reading (the books) that sparked my interest. I had to curb my own judgment so I could receive the message I needed to hear - even when the package wasn't my aesthetic.

3. Talking (with a therapist) that I found via the internet and a life coach recommended by a friend.

4. Opening up (to friends and peers) about the new journey I was on and the struggles I was facing.

5. Practicing new habits that often felt awkward. Sitting in silence. Being more vulnerable. Bucking my own trends. And being kind to myself.

6. Writing things down to figure out what was going on between my ears.

The process has not been linear and this list is nowhere near exhaustive. These were just the tools most readily available to me at the time.

Which ones might you explore this week?

Ask Yourself

• What aspects of my art, relationship, or career are currently in hibernation?

• Is there any sadness in my psyche that needs recognizing?

• Where can I go for rest? Who is available to support me in a healthy and productive way?

1. My phone is still the first thing I pick up in the morning.

2. But instead of checking work messages right away, I leave all of my notifications on Do Not Disturb.

3. I choose one piece of non-work reading to scroll through - could be a newsletter I received over the weekend or an article I bookmarked earlier in the week. No IG, TW, or TT allowed.

4. I've found that consuming something insightful or educational in the morning sets my mind off in the right direction.

5. After a few minutes of reading, I'll land on my feet with a calming soundtrack or a guided meditation.

6. Then comes the water/coffee/tea ritual. Lazy stretches while the water boils. A few deep breaths.

7. Only once I've set the proper scene do I begin to think about work.

My morning routine used to function like a hope-and-pray slingshot into my day. High velocity. Terrible aim.

Now it's more like the freeway on-ramp in a wealthy suburb. Well-paved, well-funded, and just long enough to get up to speed.

So, which one of your morning habits could use a remix?

Here’s what I’m doing to save my mind and body from imploding:

1. Get physical in tiny, tangible ways. Bunny hop. Downward dog. Spread your wings and swan dive. Bonus points if you’re in front of a full length mirror.

2. Breathe all the way in. Every time you feel a tension in your body or your brain, that’s the cue for breath.

3. Pace your productivity. If you have some wind in your sails, ride the wave and don't stop until it’s gone. If you’re not feeling it, take a nap like it’s your number one business.

4. Turn off the news. Whatever live-stream or group chat you’re getting it from will be there when you get back. Prioritize peace.

5. Put ‘em on mute. Any social accounts that make you feel bad, sad, or mad - including the toxically positive and patronizingly motivational - need to go. They’re not for you, not for now.

6. Phone a friend. Ask question you’ve never asked them before and see where it leads.

7. Brew some (CBD) tea. Say less.

8. Chop vegetables. It’ll soak up a lot of time and attention, two things the devil stole from you this week. Only this time, you’ll have something healthy to eat at the end.

9. Take a hot shower. One of the simplest ways to reset and slough off the bad vibes.

10. Wash the dishes. Something about emptying the sink makes me feel like a very accomplished human. What about you?

11. Read a book. Whether it inspires you to action or lulls you to sleep, it’ll be a win either way.

• Deeply enough to jump through the health & safety hoops of a pandemic to reach you.

• Deeply enough to have an uncomfortable conversation about racial injustice and white supremacy.

• Deeply enough to walk through an intention-setting session and ask the tough questions that will help you grow together.

If it were easy, everyone would do it. But mindfully tending to your bonds with your friends, family, and romantic partners is work.

Here are some questions that might help:

• Who is always in my corner, even if they don't fully understand where I'm coming from?

• Who is worth reaching out to for help? And why haven't I yet?

• Who in my inner circle could use my help? And why haven't I offered it yet?

• Whose time have I been taking for granted? And do I want that to change?

• How do I increase the quality (if not quantity) of time I spend with _____?

1. What am I grateful for?

2. What is my intention? and

3. What am I avoiding?

#3 was always the toughest to answer.

It was also the most powerful. Here’s why:

1. Often the feelings I'm trying to suppress are the best cues for what I should do next. Emotions like grief, fear, disappointment, jealousy, and cynicism (hi, 2020) say a lot about what we truly value and desire in the moment. When I deny myself from acknowledging these emotions, I lose out on vital information for making key decisions. And it’s true what they say, you can’t heal what you can’t feel.

2. Unaddressed responsibilities today = a lot more stresses tomorrow. Like late parking tickets and bank fees, a neglected responsibility can become exponentially more expensive. If there's an unpleasant task I'm putting off but it's critical to my goals, I need to prioritize it so it doesn't come back to haunt me on the daily. Better for me to do or delegate something now than to let it distract or deter me for months.

3. Finding real calm sometimes requires a bit conflict. Do I really need more time to think? Or do I just need to make the tough decision? What’s on the other side of that uncomfortable conversation? Better for me to face an unresolved issue now than to bury it in a way that causes irreparable damage.

Take the time to ask, “What Am I Avoiding?” and see what happens. What comes up might surprise you.

Still whenever this time rolls around I can’t help but look ahead to see what new ambitions I can inject into the future.

Here are 5 questions I’m asking myself while prepping for the new year:

1. Where am I right now? What lies in front of me that I can appreciate in the moment? What does that say about how far I’ve come and what I’m capable of?

2. Who am I right now? How has my identity emerged from the psychological pinball machine that is 2020? Which of my personality traits or character flaws have grown? Which have actively diminished or fallen away?

3. Where do I want to go? Beyond a routine checklist of goals and resolutions, what’s the theme of my next year going to be? What’s the message or mantra I want to embody? And who will be willing /able to join me on the journey?

4. Who do I need to be? The next chapter of my life might require a different version of me than the one that exists today. What does that person look like? How do they move? And what are they willing to leave behind?

5. What is the most important thing? There will always be more on my plate than I can take in one sitting. But if I had to choose only one goal to focus on, what would it be?

I’m taking my time to be honest with the answers and turn them into action.

Which one of these questions challenges you the most?

1. Gratitude is not about denying traumatic experiences, hiding my pain, or saying everything is ok when it’s not.

2. Gratitude is a conscious choice to focus on the things I can appreciate right now, in the moment, for the moment.

3. Gratitude is a practice - which means I’ll dip in and out of it. The more I work on it, the more skilled I become. The more skilled I become, the more challenges I can take on.

4. Gratitude is for everyone. When I’m in a state of gratitude, I’m not only better for myself, but also for everyone around me.

5. Gratitude is always accessible. Because it comes from within, I don’t have to ask for permission or wait for the right time and place to get it.

Which one of these rings truest to you?

Emotional triggers from the holidays loom, lockdown fatigue has become cliché, and I can’t tell the difference between screen-time and me-time anymore.

And yet, we’re still here. That means there’s still hope.

Here are a few centering thoughts that have helped me honor this moment without dwelling too long in the dark:

1. One step, one minute at a time. Like making a cake, cooking a curry, or baking a potato. These are things in life that can’t be rushed. And the result is much nicer because of it.

2. Every feeling is valid. I will respect the changes in my mood, rather than resist them. Just like the seasons, they will come and go. When I notice the weather, I’ll grab the appropriate attire and carry on.

3. Appreciate what (and who) is in front of you. While some of my relationships may have changed due to lack of proximity, others have proved stronger than ever before. I won’t take these bonds for granted, nor the circumstances that made them possible.

4. Not everything has to be productive. I will return to the things that bring me joy - with emphasis on the joy part. Not just because they make me “better” or make for great #content.

5. Keep creating. Even when it hurts. Just a little something each day. I know my spirit is counting on it.

6. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

Which thoughts are you focused on this week?

Nevertheless, it’s good to regularly acknowledge that our pain is not in vain. Knowledge is actually power.

Here are a few hard-learned lessons I’ve meditated on recently:

1. When creating something worthwhile for yourself, don’t expect the road to be short or easy. Get used to walking in the unknown and having to ask for directions.

2. There's nothing wrong with hedging your bets. The right backup plan will provide you with the foundation you need to build the dream you really want. And when it's time to take the giant leap (with or without a parachute) your gut will tell you.

3. Keep your ego in the passenger seat, not behind the wheel. It has a place. It has a purpose. But if you let it win all the time, you'll never grow.

4. Accept people for who they are when they show you. If it's not what you hoped, you'll have to detach from your initial ideas and move forward with a new one, or else repeat the same disappointments again and again.

5. You can’t heal what you can’t feel. And no amount of spending, binging, smoking, or #self-care will keep you from your true emotions. Good, bad, or ugly, they’ll eventually catch up to you, and the longer you bury them the more drama they’ll cause when they show up.

I’ve been working on applying these notes to my life in the present tense and so far the benefits have been worth the challenge. Can you relate?

1. The more you stand to love, the more you stand to lose. It’s still a risk worth taking.

2. You can’t have ups without downs. It’s like math. Like physics. Like life. The sooner you accept this, the smoother the ride will be.

3. Never take for granted your support system - the one you feed, and the one that feeds you back. It’s not always linear or perfectly bound, but somehow it’s always…there.

4. The act of reflecting in real time is severely underrated. Cherish the present moment because it never looks the same in the rearview.

5. Being really present with people requires energy. Conserve yours and spend it wisely.

It’s something vital to remember in times of overwhelm, when I become a deer in the headlights to my own to-dos.

“Just showing up” doesn’t win immediate awards. And it doesn’t promise instant clout. But it does make a more sustainable path to fulfilling my dreams.

Last week I committed to showing up in small, specific ways that were easy to mark off. Things like,

1. 30 minutes a day in my writing workshop.

2. 15 minutes of reading something that makes me feel good.

3. 30 Pushups / 30 Squats for the health of it.

4. 10 minutes on the phone with ________.

5. 5 minutes to update my voter registration.

6. One walk around the block in the sun.

7. Two and a half minutes of deep breathing.

8. 100 words for a Still Mind post.

Small actions = small wins = more momentum. Less prone to burnout. Less overrun by overthinking. Less analysis paralysis. No more holding my breath.

In what small ways will you show up this week?

When it comes to new business plans or creative ideas, I tend to see every task as urgent and overwhelm myself with the possibilities.

As soon as one tab closes, another one opens. And I can’t stop consuming, comparing, and pseudo-completing.

Thankfully, recent times have caused me to recenter on the benefits of taking it one thing at a time:

1. When I remember the power of one:

   • I get to detach from the idea of “busyness” as a mark of success.

   • I’m more tapped into the moment and a little bit closer to calm.

   • I’m less drawn to decision fatigue and less prone to procrastination.

   • I get to practice a discipline of focus that counteracts distraction.

   • In the words of James Clear, “Doing more things does not drive faster or better results. Doing better things drives better results.”

2. When I remember the big picture:

   • I can orchestrate a sequence of micro-goals that will ultimately serve my macro-goals.

   • Like a filmmaker, I can zoom in on the edits that will make a difference when I play my life from front to back.

   • I can craft an overall mission statement that connects me to my day-to-day. It’s a work in progress and that’s okay.

   • In the morning I ask myself:

     • What is the one thing I want to be, do, or have today?

     • What is both the most reasonable and the most likely to make an impact today?

     • What does it look like when I let everything else be optional?

3. When I remember to write things down:

   • I can analyze my urgent thoughts independent from one another, instead of trapping them inside my head where they always battle it out.

   • I can connect the dots and acknowledge my patterns on paper.

   • I can literally draw circles around what’s most important to me at the time.

   • I can cross things out, allowing the freedom to make a mess, change my mind, and re-negotiate my approach.

4. When I remember to reflect with others:

   • My friends and partners get to hold me accountable to just one thing.

   • I get to explore my “why’s” and “how’s” out loud, inviting better ideas into the room.

   • I get to verbally celebrate the act of following through, which brings more momentum to my day.

These are just 4 reflections on single-tasking that have helped me find a healthier pace. What’s guiding you?

It’s a great time to reconsider your mission, your mindset, and your priorities.

I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that my new normal is now.

And with that, living in a new world means living with new priorities.

Here’s how recent shifts in our world have shifted my perspective:

1. Working In vs. Working Out.

   • I am focusing more on the person I want to be inside vs. the personality I want to project on the outside.

   • I am prioritizing my actual health over the appearance of health.

   • I am paying more attention to my personal values and instincts vs. my material image and possessions.

   • I am initiating important conversations with myself internally, which helps me initiate the same conversations with friends and family.

   • I am being more sincere with my giving vs. performative with causes I believe in.

2. Excelling Horizontally vs. Excelling Vertically.

   • I am focused more on my contribution to the collective than my come-up as an individual.

   • I am paying more attention to long-term relationships and family vs. short-term contacts and acquaintances.

   • I am broadening my idea of success to include areas beyond upward mobility, and prioritizing holistic growth for all areas of my life.

3. “Here and Now.” vs. “Someday, Maybe”

   • I am learning how to detach from the immediate outcome of things and celebrate the process of just doing the work.

   • I am learning how to sit and be present with my less than optimal self.

   • I am learning how to say yes when my intuition calls.

   • I am learning how to act with imperfection vs. waiting for a perfect moment that never comes.

What about you? How have recent changes in the world brought a change to your focus?