Stoked for Life

Family Time

2012-06-22T09:13:00.003-07:00

We've had the pleasure of spending the last week with dear family members from Michigan, the Lorio's. Our time has been chock full of whitewater rafting, the Aquarium, Pirate's Cove, Lookout Mountain and Blackhawk Casino fun. It has been a BLAST! However, my favorite moments were spent together at our homes, in Mom's backyard and at Pearcey's enjoying quality time, just hanging out.

When you live several states away from extended family, you miss out on the daily and mundane. You don't get to know each other on the most intimate levels, because of distance. We come to rely on Facebook and Skype to keep us connected. And...let's face it, we all get wrapped up in the busy-ness of our own lives and months go by without having that time to catch up. {Heck, that happens even when you live 10 miles away from each other!} The interesting part about that truth is that when you have the opportunity to host family that has come to visit, it's a special opportunity to get to know each other again, in the current stage of life, free from expectation or preexisting drama. It is a gift with shiny wrapping and a beautiful bow that we, together, get to unwrap and enjoy!

We spent hours sitting together, enjoying good food and drinks, and talking...about everything from kids activities and school, to family happenings and memories. We were serious about some things and laughed alot about others. We stayed up late and didn't want to leave, should we miss out on any time. Watching our kids bond so quickly naturally was absolutely the best. Our boys could not get enough of Luke (15) and Maddie (13). They looked up to them with admiration and climbed on them with comfort; they talked and laughed about silly things and made the most of every moment. Every night, when we prayed together before bed, Keenan and Tevin would thank God for the time with the Lorio's, and pray for the moments to go slowly. <3

Last night was our final time together and as I sat, Maddie braiding my hair, the boys dancing around and playing, conversation continuing, I just felt warm and fuzzy inside. Quality time with family is a gift, especially when it is authentically engaging, free from negativity and all about sharing, loving and growing. It seems that when our time is limited, we make the most of it and anything meaningless disappears. Whether we be talking about loss in the family or laughing about crazy Chuck Norris jokes, we were fully present...together.

We said our farewells last night and Keenan began to cry. He cried until we were almost home, heartbroken. "I just don't want them to leave..." he kept saying. (I Love that boys heart) Then he asked us, "How do I stop thinking about it, so I don't cry? How do I make it not hurt?" Hmph. Truth is, when you've had so much fun, you never want it to end. The thought of not seeing those that you've grown so fond of is certainly disappointing. But in that moment, he couldn't make sense of it. Our response to him, "Goodbyes are never fun, it's always sad to leave each other. Now you have to think about all the good times and smile in your heart remembering that gift. Stay in touch and be hopeful for the next visit."

Thank you Matt, Kristina, Luke & Maddie for sharing such precious time with all of us. You sowed love into all of us and we feel closer and more connected than ever. You are a beautiful and wonderful family and we are proud of all of you. Your visit was a gift to us, we look forward to the next time. We love you deeply.

And to my family here...I'm so grateful for what we have and proud of the way we "do life" together genuinely loving, caring and celebrating family with warmth and joy. That, too, is a gift <3

Full Disclosure

2012-06-08T07:06:00.002-07:00

I've been working on this blog post for some time now. Truth is, I'm nervous about completely exposing myself. You might judge me when you read this...that's a risk. However, the very nature of my blog is to be myself, to share my struggles and triumphs and to "do life" with you, hoping that you can relate and find encouragement in the journey. So, here goes...

In January, I started seeing a therapist. It's not because I'm mentally ill, or because something major is wrong; it's simply because I felt the need for a "tune up". There are circumstances in this life, mostly derived out of the complexity of relationships and daily demands, that can throw us for a loop. I was feeling ill-equipped to balance all of those things well and so I reached out for help. What I have found most interesting (and disheartening), however, has been the response of some people closest to me when I have shared that I am in therapy...

"Are you okay?"
"Is there something going on with you & K?"
"Are you depressed?"
"Wow...therapy...I didn't know that you were struggling."
"I've always seen you as being so strong."

While I understand the root of these questions, ultimately, I shudder at the perception that the only reason that I would go to therapy is because I'm broken and need to be fixed; I'm weak and I need strength; I'm depressed and need someone to pick me up out of the pit of despair. It's no wonder why most people keep such things confidential, lest they be judged. In my thirties, I have found myself constantly evaluating and reevaluating priorities, commitments and investments. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can spend a lot of time in my own head. That's not always a good thing:( However, I want to be the best ME that I can be and that requires self-examination and a commitment to working on my weaknesses. I believe in the value of having someone completely unbiased and outside of our daily lives to offer guidance and strategies. Asking for help requires a great deal of humility and the courage to see things as they really are.

I submit to you that Therapy is akin to Physical Training. Any athlete that desires to be in peak physical condition will TRAIN. They may already be doing vigorous workouts and adhering to a clean diet, but they may not be seeing progressive results. When faced with a new challenge or goal, athletes will seek out coaching or programs that will present them with new strategies, techniques and exercises that will push them to the next level. When I trained for my Half Marathons, I sought out 13-week training plans, created by professionals and committed to progressive training goals so that I would be best prepared to successfully complete my races and get good results. Therapy is quite similar. You look at your mental/emotional state, identify an area that is challenging your response, examine your wheelhouse of skills and see if you have the tools to navigate well and achieve balance. If you don't have the tools you need, seek out a professional to share strategies so that you can be successful. Mental/emotional training.

I've learned so much about myself. I know that in my thirties, I've become better acquainted with my foundational beliefs and personal values. I lack the tolerance for that which does not enrich this life. Time and energy are precious commodities, I try not to waste them on things that suck the life out of me. Relationships are complex and everyone comes into the relationship with unspoken expectations and relative experiences. Creating expectations of other people is just plain dangerous, especially when they are not informed. Some things don't get better because we expect others to fix it, while we stand by and twittle our thumbs. We are, individually, responsible for the energy that we bring into relationships.

Thanks to the hours I have spent in full-disclosure with my amazing therapist, I feel stronger, better equipped and more aware of the need to take care of myself. It's cleansing, really :) I have looked hard at myself, taken inventory and I'm replenishing that which had depleted. I've created "Best Practices" for how to navigate situations that challenge my self-worth and shake my confidence. Perhaps these may speak to you...

* There is power in the ability to take PAUSE. Rather than REACTING to a situation,
Pause...
Breathe...
Be still and listen. Then respond with honesty and grace.

* Perfection is not real. Strive to be the best you can be daily ~ and accept yourself.

* Don't try to earn Love.

* Clean up your side of the street...the only person you can change is yourself.

* Don't be afraid to ask for HELP, we were not created to do this journey alone.

Words of Affirmation

2012-05-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was walking out of 24 Hour Fitness after teaching a class and I noticed this woman walking towards me, about 20 feet away. She had a beautiful coral top on that complimented her skin and I'm quite sure that I was staring at her! As she walked closer, I said "Excuse me...that's a great color on you, you look stunning!" Based on the look on her face, she might have thought I was joking. She furrowed one of her eyebrows, cleared her throat and answered tentatively "Thank you...I think." I immediately responded, "You're welcome, of course, that was a compliment!" She smiled and walked on.

As I walked to my car and proceeded to drive home, I kept thinking about how strange her response was. Had I been unclear in the message I was trying to convey? Was there something about my body language that caused her to question my intent? Why did she resist my compliment? It was just plain weird. Is it that uncommon for one woman to pay a sincere compliment to another? Geez.

In Dr. Gary Chapman's Book "The 5 Love Languages", he highlights Words of Affirmation as one of the five ways that we both give and receive love. "Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten." Speaking for myself, this is absolutely true. I am someone who thrives on words of affirmation and one who sees the value in sharing them with the others. In the same vane, I can focus too much on the negative words of others and in so doing, forget about the positive.

I believe that oftentimes, as women, we can be guilty of withholding or being selfish with our words of affirmation toward other women. Somehow, we begin to think that if we compliment another woman, it diminishes our personal value. Where does that theory come from? I'm not contesting it, because I have certainly felt/thought that before. I simply do not understand why we can be wired that way. Insecurity can take hold of the wheel of our identity, rather than intrinsic value and self respect. As the old adage says, we first have to love ourselves to love others. But, what if, by boosting others up, we find more value within us...just sayin'.

Have you ever given a half-compliment? For example, your friend has on a dress that looks fabulous and you think she looks amazing. You say, "Is that a new dress?" Perhaps you were wondering about that, but it's not exactly a compliment. In fact, your question might cause your friend to feel self-conscious, rather than admired. Be intentional...why not just say, "Wow! You look AH-MAZING in that dress!" When you watch your friend light up and walk a few inches taller, YOU too, will feel great inside.

At the same token, we need to be gracious receivers of words of affirmation. Resist the temptation to laugh off, justify or ignore a compliment. It is a gift, intended for you, accept it humbly and embrace it. No one likes to have their meaningful words fall on deaf ears.

Our words, mixed with our intentionality, have a profound effect on the people with interact with. If you're thinking something positive about someone, don't save it...spend it on lifting their spirits!

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." -Og Mandino

Held

2012-04-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

Loss wreaks havoc on our hearts and souls. It is in losing something that we realize how much we coveted, valued and loved it. It's a struggle to reconcile, but in it, we learn. Wherein heartache can make its home, the element of peace, too, can coexist.

Three years ago and 9 (or so) months ago, I was very surprised to find out that I was pregnant. Kerron and I had just returned from our 1-week mission trip to Costa Rica; Tevin (8 months) and Keenan (4 1/2 years old) had been staying with Grandma while we were away. We were beyond excited to reunite and share our memories of the time away. I was still nursing Tevin, however, after the time away, he had become increasingly impatient with the process, knowing that the bottle would give him immediate gratification, along with the control of holding it. Within two weeks, he had weened completely. As is always the case after our mission trips, I had been feeling tired both physically and emotionally; mixed with some stomach upset. Initially, it was no big deal, but after a week or so, I began wondering. One morning, as Kerron and I were making breakfast, I looked at him and said, "I know this may sound crazy, but I think I may be pregnant..." I stared at him. Suddenly, a huge smile came across his face and he began to laugh, "Really?!! Let's go get a test!" Within minutes, he was out the door and it seemed like he was back at lightning speed. (Sidenote: I find it interesting that if I had needed tampons, I would have to beg, borrow and plead for him to run out the door and get those!)

He gave me the stick and I went through the motions...my heart pounding in my chest. I walked out of the bathroom and nearly collided with my husband's chest as he waited outside the door. "Where is it?!!" he asked frantically. "It's sitting on the toilet, we have to wait a few minutes." I responded. He ran into the bathroom, grabbed the EPT and placed it atop the refrigerator, then looked at me with a sheepish grin. I began to freak out; not a slow-boil, nope, a full on FREAK OUT. "This can't be happening, we have an 8 month old, I've been nursing...I like sleeping...I can't imagine two kids 17 months apart and I just...know...I'm pregnant!!!" Kerron grabbed the stick and in what seemed like slow motion, I watched his eyes light up, the corners of his mouth curl upward and his words "We're gonna have another baby!!!" He laughed, leapt around the kitchen and celebrated this surprise. I was in awe and utter shock.

At that moment, I think that tears began squirting out of my eyes. My default switch of gloom and doom turned on without hesitation and I crumbled. While my husband, the eternal optimist and the sunshine in my life, celebrated the news of another miracle, I sulked under my gray cloud, filing through the pile of what ifs, whys and how did this happen. The world came to a screeching halt. We sat on the counter together and I half listened while Kerron hugged me, encouraging and reminding me that even though I felt scared, shocked, perhaps even disappointed, pregnancy and the makings of a child are nothing short of a gift.

In the weeks that followed, I struggled to accept what was happening. I lived inside my head (which can be a scary place) and played out scenarios that may/may not happen. I spent time wallowing in self pity and grasping for control that was FAR outside my hands. All the while, I was experiencing symptoms of pregnancy, reminding me that this is going to happen. Finally, I started to focus on the positive. Though I wasn't planning on it, I am going to have a third child! God has such a sense of humor as He didn't permit me to plan for this one :) What was I to learn from this process? I was struggling with looking my own selfishness in the face, recognizing that the main reasons why I hadn't been celebrating this pregnancy was because it didn't fit in my "plan". I had to submit that to God and ask Him to fill my heart with peace and hope. And He did...and at week 4, I remember feeling excitement for the 8 week visit, where I would see my little gummy bear and hopefully, hear the beat of its heart.

It was a Wednesday in September when we went in. I was excited to see my Doctor, whom I truly love and adore. I knew she'd razz me and joke with us about getting back in the saddle right away. I was weighed in (blech!), blood pressure taken and off to see the Ultrasound Tech. Kerron and I got comfortable as she put the cold goo on my stomach and turned on the screen. She circled around, pressed the pad and listened intently. Having been through this twice before, it seemed to be taking longer to find the baby. She circled and circled and circled...finally, I asked, "Is something wrong?" She paused. "I'm going to get Dr. Cristee." I stopped her. "What's going on? Please don't make us wait." She asked, "How sure are you about your dates?" I answered, "Completely, I'm like clockwork. I'm 8 weeks and 2 days along." She breathed in and exhaled slowly and pressed on my belly. "See this? That is the sac, according to this, your baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 4 days...I'm so very sorry."

My heart hurt like it was literally breaking in two...I felt like I couldn't breathe. I stared down at my hands and wept, Kerron held me so tight. There we were, alone, in the room where we hoped to hear our baby's heartbeat and there was silence. It was the most palpable pain I have ever felt. Our doctor came in and immediately embraced us. She is so amazing. Then, she tried to make sense of the situation, first explaining that there are no explanations for these things. We had to decide next steps...I'll spare the details on that piece of the process. Needless to say, the loss of a pregnancy is wretched.

Overcoming that loss was a long process, a journey really. For 3 months after, I struggled in desperation. I'm a type A personality and I need to know "why" things happen and if I don't know why, I tend to make up the reasons in my head and then fuel them as truth. I felt responsible. The reason I lost that baby was psychosomatic, i.e. because I, initially, was in shock and questioned whether or not I wanted to be pregnant, I must have talked my body out of it. I was drowning in the agony of my own guilt. What if that was the baby girl I had hoped for? I was a selfish, ridiculous excuse for a human being and I got stuck in that pit. I began wondering if my body was broken, not working quite right. I grew irrational in my thoughts, and swallowed up in my fear. Kerron had immediately stepped up, giving me the space I needed to grieve, while providing our boys with all the attention that they needed. I sought counseling and one of the compelling things my Pastor told me that really set in was this, "You may not get over this, for awhile, maybe never...but you do have to get through it and come out on the other side stronger, and fully present for your children." Somehow, those words struck a chord in me and propelled me forward to a place of reflecting, sifting and forward progress.

What is there to learn from such a loss? First, I learned that I am not exempt from tragedy ~ not that I believed I was, but somehow we don't imagine these things happening. The statistics on miscarriage are staggering! Sources vary, but many estimate that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; and some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. From that experience, I gained new perspective and true empathy for so many friends that have endured miscarriage or infertility issues. I also learned that when we go through something so challenging, it doesn't have to be a lonely, personal struggle; though for many, that may be preferred. The moment I started being open and sharing about my miscarriage, it opened the doors for many others to share and to relate. It's not a dirty secret. I am grateful for the people who surrounded me with support, even when my emotions and actions made no sense. For the grace I was given to navigate my feelings with full disclosure, especially from my husband. I felt alone, but I didn't feel like I could go it alone. I needed to be lifted up, encouraged and HELD. Held up by my husband, Held in the arms of the Father and my hand held by my dearest family and friends.

I am stronger now.

Today, and every year on April 24, I honor the estimated birthdate of my little Angel, a gift that I never received. Then, I take pause, look at Keenan and Tevin, my precious sons and thank God for the gift of their lives. And for peace...

Questions

2012-04-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

I learn so much from my children. On a daily basis, I am both surprised and challenged by their questions! Often I wonder how much they really understand... My tendency, sometimes, is to overexplain but I've learned that giving them concise, simpler answers seems to bode better. Last week, Tevin and I were driving in the car listening to Klove and singing along. Out of the blue, Tevin asks "Mom, what is the definition of sacrifice? What does that mean?" I pause. I begin wondering if he's asking because it was part of the lyric in the song we were singing. How do I explain this without getting too deep and over his head. I inhale and exhale slowly. "Why do you ask, buddy?" His response "Cuz in Shrek, Lord Farquaad says 'Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.' That's when Shrek is in the arena battling the people." He says in his best movie voice:) I couldn't help but laugh hysterically!! He joined in and before I knew it, the moment for explanation had passed. Phew!

Then Easter Sunday, on our way to church, Keenan asked "Mom and Dad...are they going to show that terrible video of Jesus carrying the cross today?" Kerron answered, "Yes Bug, they probably will, but we'll cover your eyes." "WHY do they have to do that? It's not the important part of the story!" Keenan shares emphatically. I respond "That's true, Keen, but it is an important part of the whole story." Keenan gets quiet, retreating into his head. We go into church and true to form, the lights go out and the video begins. It's a short but haunting excerpt from the Passion of the Christ, difficult for even adults to watch...let alone young ones. Keenan covers his eyes, mostly, but still peaks through. He was disturbed, almost annoyed and whispers to me, "Next Easter, if they're gonna show this, I'm going to Gram's and missing Church. Easter is supposed to be joyful cuz Jesus ROSE from the dead. Hmph! I AM going to focus on THAT." Poignant words from my 8 (going on 12) year old ~ truth, really.

I believe that our children pick up and absorb so much from the world around them; probably more than we give them credit for. The challenge is to help them navigate and understand the elements that are beyond their current level of understanding and do so by being truthful. Sometimes, I'm stumped by the questions and I often wonder if it's God speaking through them to challenge and teach me. I learn something new from them everyday...just one more reason why they enrich my life :)

Attitude

2012-03-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

It's Spring Break and we've just returned from our Mountain Getaway. What a beautiful state we live in! It truly is a privilege to be able to get in the car, drive 1 1/2 hours and arrive in ski country...it is simply breathtaking! Our goal was to ski & snowboard, however, the record high temperatures for March have caused the powder to look a bit more like mashed potatoes, so we opted for other, equally fun, mountain options like tubing, hiking and the Gold Runner coaster. We really enjoyed each other and made lasting memories.

One of the boys favorite activities, any time of the year, is swimming! They are both water babies. Keenan is a terrific swimmer and cannot get enough of jumping in and out of the pool. Tevin became a great swimmer last summer, then we added in some lessons in December just to keep him fresh. However, when several months have passed without being in the water, it can cause some fear. I don't know why it caught me by surprise, perhaps because Tev is our fearless and adventurous spirit, but he was nervous about swimming. He stood by the side of the pool, knees wobbly and arms crossed tight against his chest, just staring at the water. We anxiously encouraged him, "C'mon Tev, jump in!" He looked at me, "Mom, will you save me? I don't wanna drown." Not "Will you catch me?" or "Put your arms out..." He was terrified. I promised him that I would "save" him and he jumped in. It took him awhile to get his sea legs and trust himself.

Both of our boys adore their Daddy, and while I am biased because he is my husband, I believe that he is an amazing father. He has a profound ability to see into our children's hearts and he addresses their needs with such tenderness and confidence. Knowing that Tevin was afraid, he could have taken various approaches to helping him. He could have held him close, walked him around the pool, coddled him a bit or sat him on the side of the pool and given him the choice to join when he felt ready. None of those choices are bad, of course, but Kerron chose a more engaging method. He asked Keenan to come over and encourage his brother. Then, he brought Tevin to the deep end of the pool, assured him that Daddy would keep him safe and then began to build his confidence. "You can do this, buddy. You are a great swimmer! When daddy gets scared, I think of words that make me stronger. Try this: Courage...Commitment...Confidence... Strength." Tevin repeated the words with gusto, Keenan joined in. Then Kerron explained to them. "Courage means going for it, even when you're scared. Commitment means you're not going to give up. Confidence is believing in yourself and strength will power you through it." I watched from the other end of the pool as Tevin, in his best big boy voice, belted those words...

COURAGE...COMMITMENT....CONFIDENCE and STRENGTH!!!

He jumped out of Kerron's arms and swam to the side of the pool and back, then jumped in and again. Keenan cheered for him:) By day two, he wanted to show everyone that he could swim with his head above water. On his own, you would hear him uttering those four powerful words. At 4 years old, he may not understand the full meaning of those words, but if they stick with him through time, I believe that they will become values that build his character. It is our responsibility and privilege to speak life into our children. We impart to them an identity that will influence them throughout their journey. Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

When our oldest son Keenan was 18 months old, Kerron and I began talking about a family mission statement. We wanted to be able to tell Keenan what it means to be a "Stokes". What is our identity? What standards do we hold ourselves to? How can we be accountable to ourselves and to each other? We came up with 3 main things:

"Work hard. Play hard. Serve other people."

Simple, straight forward, memorable. I'll never forget when Keenan was 2ish and Kerron was speaking at a Broker/Owner conference, one of his team members called me and asked for Keenan. When Keenan got on speakerphone, I realized that Nezar (who was on K's team) had the phone on a microphone in front of a large audience. It was a surprise to Kerron. Nezar asked, "Hey Keenan, what does it mean to be a Stokes?" Without hesitation, Keenan yells over the phone "We work hard, we play hard and we serrrvvve otheerrrr peeeeople!" We could hear the applause from the audience and Keenan just giggled. Then Kerron's voice came on the phone, clearly verklempt, and said "Good job Bug! I love you." Keenan beamed with pride. I will never forget that moment.

I have learned that in addition to identity, ATTITUDE is key to navigating life and making the most of it. Chuck Swindoll said it perfectly, "Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitudes toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it.” I am grateful for a husband who has imparted to me, in the last 17 years, the importance of choosing a positive attitude, to seeing the glass half full and for sowing joy into my life. He has been MY greatest example. I don't know about you, but I am deficient when it comes to my attitude. I am so easily influenced by lack of sleep, general mood or circumstance. Sometimes my attitude stinks! However, I know that if I want to equip my two boys with the tools that will help them successfully navigate this life and reap its greatest rewards, then I must model a positive attitude. What we model for them, as their parents and their most influential examples, will form their attitude. That's a huge responsibility! Daily, we must put our attitude in check, so that the little eyes that are watching will learn well, and sow the seeds that grow fruit.

"The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow. Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny."
James Allen

Knots

2012-03-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

I came across this yesterday and it spoke to me...

Head Trash

2012-03-08T20:56:00.001-08:00

Head Trash...what is it? Ever heard of it? I googled the word and came up with nothing but silly Urban Dictionary results. There may not be an official "Webster's" definition for it, but it is real. Head trash refers to behaviors where we unconsciously hold ourselves back; that little, and sometimes loud, voice in our heads that tells us we’re not enough, or we’re too much of something else. It is based on theory, without proof and most often originating from a place of insecurity. Once we think upon it, we embrace it, believe it, sometimes accept it as truth and allow it to have power over us. Can you relate?

When I was growing up, I idolized my Nanny (still do). My mom and I lived with my grandparents until I was 4 and my Nanny took care of me while mom worked. Nanny was the queen of my universe. I watched everything she did and hung on to every word she spoke. In my book, she could do no wrong. Every morning, she would have a bath, then I would watch as she put on her makeup and got dressed. The same routine...apply foundation, mascara, rouge and lipstick; then sit on her bed to put on support hose, a girdle and a housecoat. My Nanny has always been small, never weighing over 12o lbs (for as long as I have known her). However, at some point in her life, she began to see herself as overweight. I can remember asking her why she wore support hose and a girdle and she would answer "Because I'm fat and in sucks me in." She would also talk often about the "Bielefeldt Thunderthighs" that I would inevitably get as I grew older and gave me tips on how I might work against that. While I know that my grandmother never intended to impart negative self-image messages to me, I began viewing myself using those standards. Therein began lasting head trash, some that I fight against even at 36 years old. When criticism or scrutiny comes from someone that we admire, whether they be talking about themselves or us, we often choose to believe it.

As a Group Fitness Instructor, I stand in front of people daily. I am on display. It is important for me to work on my own physique and fitness level so that I may inspire others. There is pressure in that and I can get stuck wondering what others think of me. What is most important to me, however, is that my members enjoy their time in my class and get a good workout. I want to be the kind of instructor that makes them want to come back. In that 1 hour block of time, I have the opportunity to speak positive messages into their psyche and motivate them to give more and get stronger; that is my passion. Now, I know that I will not be everyone's favorite instructor. Truth is, I am not everyone's "cup of tea". We are all motivated and drawn in by different things and it is impossible to be all things to all people. (I'm saying this out loud so that I can work on believing it!) When I make eye contact with a member in my class and they appear to be bored, frustrated or vacant, I take it personally. I make up the scenario in my head, "She is not having fun...I'm not doing a good job...I suck right now...maybe I'm not cut out for this..." and it snowballs. Never mind the fact that there may be 30 other people in class that are having a blast; Nope, too busy downloading that head trash!!!

The real problem is that head trash has energy, tremendous self deprecating power; it can defeat us. I've been dealing with some of that for awhile now. I convinced myself that I could not do something...not because anyone told me so, but because I was struggling, stressing and losing sleep over my inability to "get it". I would consciously question myself for several hours before I would be put to the test and my head trash was winning. BUT, tonight, I had a breakthrough!! I took my fist to that annoying devil on my shoulder and said "YES, I CAN...dammit!" :) And in the moments that followed, I felt triumphant, accomplished and strong, because I believed in myself. I'm still charged up about it!

I want to live in that...the power of positive thinking and affirmation. Don't you? I find myself growing intolerant of negative energy and I want to systematically rid my life of that which sucks me dry and brings me down. Oprah shared on her farewell show that she has a sign on her office door that reads "You are responsible for the energy that you bring into this room." Man, I believe that. Our energy, positive or negative, will affect us and those around us. I want to walk in light and be light to others. I know that head trash is real and that it affects everyone. As often as we can, we should breathe life into others with our words and be generous with positive feedback. As women, we can suck at that. Somehow we've come to believe that complimenting another woman may diminish our own value ~ that is absolute CRAP! Buck the system and be sunshine (authentically) to women in your life. At the same token, we must be slow to criticize and think before we share negative feedback. A friend once told me that she learned that any unsolicited advice can be perceived as criticism. I think that's a golden nugget and I've thought back on that in so many instances. The truth is, we all struggle with head trash ~ we don't need any help adding to the receptacle in our brains.

At the end of the day, struggle and self doubt are inevitable. Our quest to be perfect is an impossible feat! Stop recycling and dump the head trash...focus on being your BEST self.

Miracle

2012-03-01T20:02:00.001-08:00

I came across this article on Facebook and felt the need to share...We are, each of us, MIRACLES.

You and I are a precious miracle. Simply to be alive, right now, breathing, in and out, in and out...for this, the true warrior is grateful. Consider these miraculous facts:

* Your heart is a fantastic pump that beats about 100,000 times every 24 hours, pumping approximately 5,000 gallons of blood per day through 60,000 miles of blood vessels. Three million red blood cells are created every second of the day to replenish this blood. Your heart will beat about 3 billion times over your life without a break. Not one minute of rest or recovery.

* Every second, 100,000 chemical reactions take place in every cell of your body. Now, multiply 100,000 chemical reactions by the 70 to 100 trillion cells that make up your body. This mind-boggling number is the number of chemical reactions that take place inside of you every second.

* The DNA in the nucleus of one human cell is a thread that measures two yards by ten atoms...a billion times longer than it is wide. Two yards of this DNA packs into each cell by coiling itself endlessly on itself. If there are 70 trillion cells in your body, unwound, that string could stretch to the sun and back 400 times.

You and I are lucky to be alive, right now. If we can do all of this without even trying, just think of what we are capable of.

by Eric Jenican, Founder, Endorphin Warrior

The Art of Listening

2012-02-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

Would you consider yourself more of a "Talker" or "Listener"? How would your friends describe you? Do you think you can be equally both? With most things in life, it seems challenging to give 100% in two opposing areas. Maybe that's just my theory, but it caused me to pause and check in with myself. I think that I may be a more eager talker than I am a listener. Talking is not a bad thing, as it takes a talker & listener relationship to create conversation. I am someone who loves to engage with others, enjoy thought-provoking conversation, be immersed in a topic and chat. Sometimes, I am uncomfortable with silence; I can certainly try to fill the air. On the other hand, I enjoy listening, whether it be learning about someone else's story/journey, or simply being available and engaged in time of need for another to vent, process or sound off. I've learned, however, that there is a comittment in listening ~ a responsibility to receive information and attend to it appropriately for others to feel truly heard. I want to excel at that. As I've gotten well into my thirties, I find myself regularly reevaluating the importance or non-importance of variables in my life; in addition to taking inventory of my own strengths and weaknesses, and subsequently how they affect my relationships. I've learned that one of the things that I value most in others (and want to exemplify myself) is the art of LISTENING.

In my quest to become a better listener, I kinda went "academic". I started researching different styles of listening and I was intrigued! It's hard to believe that I found over 12 different styles!! Some overlap and some seem a bit psychobabble, but I'll share the ones that I found to be valuable.

ACTIVE LISTENING

Informative/Instructional listening is the name we give to the situation where the listener’s primary concern is to understand the message. Listeners are successful insofar as the meaning they assign to messages is as close as possible to that which the sender intended. Informative listening, or listening to understand, is found in all areas of our lives.

Therapeutic listening is a special type of relationship listening. There are three aspects of therapeutic listening:
1. Attending : Attending or “paying attention” to verbal and nonverbal cues are crucial in relationship listening; that is, your nonverbal behavior indicates that you are attending to the speaker— or that you aren’t!

2. Supporting : Many responses have a negative or nonsupportive effect; for example, interrupting the speaker, changing the subject, turning the conversation toward yourself, and demonstrating a lack of concern for the other person. Giving advice, attempting to manipulate the conversation, or indicating that you consider yourself superior are other behaviors that will have an adverse effect on the relationship. Sometimes the best response is silence. The speaker may need a “sounding board,” not a “resounding board.” Wise relationship listeners know when to talk and when to just listen—and they generally listen more than they talk. Three characteristics describe supportive listeners: (1) discretion—being careful about what they say and do; (2) belief—expressing confidence in the ability of the other person; and (3) patience—being willing to give others the time they need to express themselves adequately.

3. Empathizing: What is empathy? It is not sympathy, which is a feeling for or about another. Nor is it apathy, which is a lack of feeling. Empathy is feeling and thinking with another person. The caring, empathic listener is able to go into the world of another—to see as the other sees, hear as the other hears, and feel as the other feels. Obviously, the person who has had more experience and lived longer stands a better chance of being an effective empathic listener. When we listen empathetically, we go beyond sympathy to seek a truer understand how others are feeling. This requires excellent discrimination and close attention to the nuances of emotional signals. When we are being truly empathetic, we actually feel what they are feeling. In order to get others to expose these deep parts of themselves to us, we also need to demonstrate our empathy in our demeanor towards them, asking sensitively and in a way that encourages self-disclosure.

Sympathetic listening In sympathetic listening we care about the other person and show this concern in the way we pay close attention and express our sorrow for their ills and happiness at their joys.

PASSIVE LISTENING

Initial listening Sometimes when we listen we hear the first few words and then start to think about what we want to say in return. We then look for a point at which we can interrupt. We are also not listening then as we are spending more time rehearsing what we are going to say about their initial point.

Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring others. We thus hear what we want to hear and pay little attention to 'extraneous' detail.

Partial listening is what most of us do most of the time. We listen to the other person with the best of intent and then become distracted, either by stray thoughts or by something that the other person has said.We consequently dip inside our own heads for a short while as we figure out what they really mean or formulate a question for them, before coming back into the room and starting to listen again. This can be problematic when the other person has moved on and we are unable to pick up the threads of what is being said. We thus easily can fall into false listening, at least for a short while. This can be embarrassing, of course, if they suddenly ask your opinion. A tip here: own up, admitting that you had lost the thread of the conversation and asking them to repeat what was said.

Biased listening happens when the person hears only what they want to hear, typically misinterpreting what the other person says based on the stereotypes and other biases that they have. Such biased listening is often very evaluative in nature.

False listening occurs where a person is pretending to listen but is not hearing anything that is being said. They may nod, smile and grunt in all the right places, but do not actually take in anything that is said.This is a skill that may be finely honed by people who do a lot of inconsequential listening, such as politicians and royalty. Their goal with their audience is to make a good impression in very short space of time before they move on, never to talk to that person again. It is also something practiced by couples, particularly where one side does most of the talking. However, the need for relationship here can lead to this being spotted ('You're not listening again!') and consequent conflict.

Clearly, Passive Listening is NOT the listening style that I want to exemplify, though at times, we all do! If you are a Mom, you know what it means to multi-task, often to a fault, and give only a portion of our attention to our children. When we are distracted, preoccupied, too anxious to interrupt or make it about ourselves, we communicate a lack of importance and disrespect. One of my dear friends, who is a terrific listener, once told me that sometimes in mixed company, she feels like what she has to say is not important because others don't give her "the floor" without interruption, therefore she often chooses to be quiet. I'm not okay with that; because it devalues her contributions, diminishes trust and inevitably inhibits the growth of relationship.

After I collected all of that information, I began thinking of people in my life who fit the profile of the ACTIVE LISTENER. I could talk about all of them individually and honor their strength in the art of listening, but I might run the risk of embarrassing them:) I think, like most things, it is a skill that we intentionally develop; making a conscious decision to tune in completely. From there, we develop more intuition and the ability to sense what someone is saying, without saying it at all. What I discovered, in the end, is that active listening is a way that we show love to others. When we give of ourselves with clear eyes, full hearts and intentional listening, we honor their thoughts, their journey, their story in that moment, we love on them. And we create trust. People who feel valued, heard and understood will call upon you when they need to talk. Others will value you as a good listener and the gift you will receive is an authentic, mutually-gratifying relationship.

Melodies of the heart

2012-02-21T09:48:00.000-08:00

Music, for me, penetrates my heart. Simple melodies matched with thought provoking lyrics speak to me in a profound way. This song, has been the melody of my heart for the last week. There are days when I question my purpose, wonder if I'm doing enough, being enough; feeling tired, even discouraged. Supermom, wife, housekeeper, family CEO, instructor, friend ~ overwhelming. Perhaps you can relate...May this melody speak to your heart!

Remind Me Who I Am ~

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I cant remember what grace is

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I cant receive Your love
Afraid I'll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it

Tell me, once again
Who I am to you, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You
To You

I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love
That will be enough, I'm the one You love

Tell me, once again
Who I am to you, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You

Reach Out

2012-02-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, I boarded a Southwest flight to Chicago. Now, if you've flown Southwest, then you're familiar with the "corral" concept ~ whoever checks in first gets the first seating position and it goes downhill from there. My placement was A28, so I wasn't terribly concerned about getting a dreaded center seat. As luck would have it (or divine appointment), the front row, aisle seat was available, next to a couple in their late 50s. I sat myself down and got situated and then said "Hello". I noticed that the wife, sitting in the window seat, looked tired, maybe even sick with a cold. After we got into the air, I grabbed my iPad, excited to get lost in a book. Afterall, I rarely get this kind of time by myself...I was psyched!

I noticed the gentleman next to me was wringing his hands, usually a sign of anxiety. So, I started conversation. "Is Chicago home for the two of you or are you going on a trip?" I ask with the warmest, bright eyed smile I could give. His response, "Uh, ahem, No...my wife has lung cancer. Our doctor in Denver has given up on her...so we are headed to Cancer Centers of America in Chicago hoping, praying that this doctor will take a chance on her."

I was at a loss for words. My heart physically ached. My eyes filled with tears. I looked away. After a second, I composed myself and responded, "I'm so very sorry to hear that." Then I reached over and touched his wife's hand. Suddenly, I could see the despair in her eyes. Her husband went on, "We're not even sure what stage she's in, but it's progressing. There's got to be something we can do." I couldn't look at his eyes...I could feel the desperation and fear in his voice. We all paused for a few moments, it felt like time stood still. I was searching for the right words to say, to offer comfort, to break the silence... I kept thinking to myself: what a horrible thing to feel like you've been "given up on", short-changed, forgotten, left to go it alone, to face the inevitable with no hope. Then, I look at the husband - I don't even know his name, but I knew that he would give anything to help his wife. He held her hand with tenderness, assuredness and committment, without speaking, he told her, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere; You are my beloved. She laid her head on his shoulder and he held her.

It made me think of Jesus. I felt His presence in that moment. I couldn't read my book, my head was flooded with Bible verses:

Psalm 23 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. John 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
Genesis 28:15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

I didn't know what to say. But I felt prompted and I reached out, touched their joined hands and said, "I would love to pray for you both and believe, with you, that God will take care of you." The wife smiled at me and said, "Please do. I need all the prayer I can get." Her husband gave me a sweet smile, then kissed his wife's head and let her rest. When we arrived in Chicago, I wished them the best and meant it. The nameless husband & wife whose faces are imprinted on my heart, though I will probably never see them again. I won't give up on them, I'll keep praying. Chances are, there is someone in your sphere of influence who may be experiencing feelings of hopelessness, despair and heartache. You can be Jesus in their midst if you simply reach out. We get to distracted in this life and sometimes we miss the need that lies directly in front of us. And yet, it doesn't require much of us but to be willing.

Assessment

2012-01-31T12:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had a health assessment done at HealthQ. What, exactly, is a health assessment, you may ask? It is an evaluation of my current weight, BMI, Body Fat, Muscle percentage and visceral fat. I was weighed and measured to get these numbers. The purpose of a health assessment is to get a baseline view of my current state of fitness, in order to set measurable goals for improvement. Based on my aformentioned goals, this is a necessary part of achieving my optimal fitness level. I might compare it to the pleasure of weight checks during pregnancy...the thought alone creates anxiety, fear and for me, a sense of self-loathing. Moreover, my health assessment was done by two of my friends that I adore. In a word, I felt exposed.

I truly believe that part of making a change is acknowledging the reality of there being a present need. Sometimes, however, an accumulation of your "numbers" can be a bit too much reality to digest. My goal is to trim my body fat and increase my lean muscle. I also hope to create cleaner eating habits to give me consistent energy. As we looked through the measurements and compared them on the average scale, I learned a lot about what my body may be deficient of and also what I may need to reduce to get to the level I desire. I learned about power foods, foods to avoid and how often to eat to adequately fuel my body. None of the information that we discussed yesterday was brand new to me, but it's easy to get lazy and forget the importance of being accountable to your body. All in all, the final goal justified the means...

But: I am a woman, I am a perfectionist, I do not like to fail and I overthink. I allowed my feelings of exposure and those "numbers" to have negative power over me for the remainder of the day...and still, as I write this. I don't share this with you to discourage you ~ this is not a comparative experience, it is relative to me and I assume something that most of my sister-friends can relate to. I know that I'm not alone in the way that I view myself, measure my progress and push limits. I blog, not because it's fun to expose my every weakness, but because I know that there is power in transparency and we can encourage one another on this journey. I'm disappointed in myself that I would allow a set of numbers to define my idea of health and fitness. THIS is precisely WHY my husband will not allow a scale in our home, because my tendency is to obsess about numbers and THAT is unhealthy. I told my husband about my assessment ~ the abridged version:) I told him that I'm "happy" to have a baseline and to be able to set realistic goals. Then, I told him how frustrated I was with my progress. His response, "You're in great shape, Liss. You work hard. But you're never satisified with your progress."

My husband is my biggest fan. He speaks wisdom, sometimes more black/white than I prefer, but always sound. He breathes life into my sails. He wants me to see myself in the light that he sees me. Gosh, I love that guy. I had to take a step back and assess my Assessment. It is, what it is...a tool, a set of relative, descriptive numbers, benchmarks. It does not DEFINE me; it describes current metabolic levels and measurements. If I view it with a healthy, love thyself perspective, it can MOTIVATE me. If I don't, I will fail to use it effectively. I am healthy, strong and fit. I work hard. Sometimes, I think a juicy cheeseburger tastes better than SKINNY feels, just sayin'!! I want to be realistic. I know that fitness is NOT just about physique ~ it's about balance and strength in physical, mental and emotional health. I want THAT. And I'm goin' after it!

Improve Me

2012-01-30T15:59:00.000-08:00

January...a time for starting afresh, reevaluating, setting new goals. Does the phrase "New Year, New You" speak to you? I found myself using that term as I looked at what I hoped to accomplish in 2012. I believe that there is power and accountability in putting your goals out there, in writing, for others to see. So, here are mine:

1) Be more mentally engaged when my children speak to me. They need my full attention ~ they deserve it. As a continual multi-tasker, I can get distracted.

2) Find more opportunities to authentically build my husband up. I don't ever want him to question that I'm his biggest fan.

3) Make family time THE priority, everything else is secondary.

4) Grow in my knowledge of Christ, my Savior, and work diligently to reflect the principles of love, grace and service. Spend me, Lord, in the service of others.

5) To get my heart healthy (emotionally speaking). The last quarter of 2011 was difficult for me in some of my closest relationships. I came to grips with different aspects that challenged me to my core. I'm taking responsibility for myself, cleaning up my side of the street and giving up control of the part that belongs to the second person of the duo. I believe in therapy, I endorse it and I believe that it requires great courage to look deep into oneself and work on the things that have been weakened by life challenges and experiences.

6) To work at getting my body to an optimal state of fitness. Obviously, this is a subjective goal. What is optimal? For me, it's losing some of the weight that I added throughout the year and creating healthier eating habits so that I can teach my children the importance of fitness and feeding the body correctly. The other end of that is accepting myself for my genetics and God-given predispositions...this has been a lifelong struggle. However, as a Group Exercise Instructor, I am in a position of influence in an industry that pushes us to be our best self. I want to be an example of a healthy, balanced lifestyle where honoring the body and celebrating our uniqueness is the goal. I want to encourage others to compete against themselves, not against the images of what the media says healthy, strong and fit should look like.

So, in writing out all of these things, I realized that I'm not trying to be a "NEW Me", I'm trying to IMPROVE Me...not just in January, or for a period of time, but forever...the long haul, to reap the most out of this one body and this one life. Know, that throughout the year, I will blog about my challenges in meeting these goals; it's a given. But I am committed to being a work in progress ~ in forward progress.

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle..."
~ Napoleon Hill

Yes...You Can!

2011-08-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I experienced one of my High of Highs as an Instructor. I was presented with a gift by one of my members that absolutely moved me to my core. Lisa, a member and now dear friend, and her husband own a camp for teenagers in Maine. A couple months back, she offered me an opportunity to be the Fitness Director at this camp. The proposition was outstanding and intrigued me a great deal, however, the details involved with being away from home for 7 weeks proved to be prohibitive. So, Lisa and I spent some time together so that I could help her develop the fitness program for the camp. Throughout the summer, we communicated often about boot camp ideas and she shared all of her successes with me...I felt like I was a part of something great! Tonight, Lisa came to BodyPump and presented me with the Camp T-shirt that she said was inspired by me and the three most motivating words that I speak/yell/scream..."YES YOU CAN!" As a Fitness Instructor, I look for "buzz words" and phrases that will keep my members working and going the distance. It's easy to overuse those phrases and to stand on the brink of annoying. However, I clearly remember the first time I uttered those three words to my class...it was in Boot Camp and we were doing an obnoxious amount of frog hops and sprinting and I was getting pooped. In my head, I kept thinking "I cannot quit...I'm teaching...I have to keep going...but I don't think I can..." Then, like the Little Engine that Could, I had to flip a switch and I started thinking Yes, I can...and out of my mouth came "YES, I can!!! and YES, YOU CAN!!" Those words meant something to ME. I knew that if I was feeling tired and unable to go on that chances were, so was everybody else. Now, I can see it in people's eyes when they are tired and ready to give up and I simply remind them to believe it and believe in themselves. My point in sharing this is not to give myself the proverbial "pat on the back", but to share about the importance of building one another up, the power of positive thinking/encouragement, the responsibility that we have for the energy we bring into every situation and the profound privilege that we have to sow into others' lives. There are so many messages in our society designed to make us feel inadequate, to create limits and to encourage our failure. We can be fooled to believe that our greatest strengths are actually our greatest weaknesses. Women are assaulted with images of what we should look like and it's defined as beauty. And in the great race to be, look and do our best in this life, we compare ourselves to others, rather than celebrating our personal and unique selves. I'm tired of it. I don't want to be a part of that widespread problem ~ I want to be a part of the solution. It's TOXIC. I want to think positive. I want to inspire and be inspired. I want my energy to count. I want to invest in meaningful things. I want to be a part of something great. I am perfectly imperfect in EVERY way, always a work in progress, always learning. What I know for certain is that I want to be my best self. And when I fail (daily), I wanna jump back up and try again. Every day there is a choice to be made when life happens...HOW I react to "things" can have one of three effects: define me, destroy me, or strengthen me. The choice is mine; the choice is yours. What if we looked every challenge straight in the face and said"YES, I CAN!" with absolute conviction and belief? What if? Lisa, you did it! I always knew you could. Thank you for my gift. I will always treasure it:) You have left your handprint on my heart.

Caterpillar to Butterfly

2010-06-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

For Keenan’s birthday, Grandma Lori bought him a Butterfly Habitat. Essentially, it is a kit that includes a mesh butterfly keeper, a feeder and a coupon for live caterpillars. Keenan could hardly wait for the caterpillars to come. “What are they gonna look like, Mom?” “What will we feed them?” “How long will it take for them to become butterflies?” “Can I keep them forever or is that mean?” His excitement and anticipation was overwhelming. He sounded like a first-time parent! Then the day came, the 5 Stokes Caterpillars arrived!!

They came in a plastic bowl, the size of a 1-cup measuring cup with a sticky substance on the bottom - enough food to feed them for 3 weeks or until they went into their cocoons. We watched and waited; checking on them everyday. They grew longer and got quite fat! Then, on day 5 of week 2, the first caterpillar went into his cocoon, it hardened and became a shiny chrysalis. From that point, the other 4 followed suit. We moved the chrysalis into the mesh keeper to prepare for the next stage...soon they would make their appearances as butterflies! They stayed quietly in their chrysalis for another week and everyday we would check for signs of movement. Then, it happened, on a Friday morning Keenan ran to check the keeper and there was the first butterfly. It was AMAZING!! We were able to watch two more of the chrysalis open up and the butterflies emerge. It really was a sight to behold. The butterflies lived in their habitat for 1 week while we filled it with flowers and sugar water, then it became time to release them into the world. It was a big day and we all had mixed feelings. We had spent the last month watching this process and we loved our butterflies, but we knew that they would be happy in the open air and sunshine. Keenan carried the habitat outside and slowly opened it up. Then he looked at me...with the warmest smile and sweetest voice he said “Mom, we got to watch them grow and change and become beautiful...now, we get to help them fly. That’s awesome!” The first butterfly came out on my finger and lingered long enough for Keenan & Tevin to get close and see his beautiful design. Keenan said “Goodbye butterfly...I love you...be safe!” And just like that, he flew up and away. The last one we set free kept flying back and forth through our backyard, as if he/she wasn’t sure where to go. Keenan said “Awww, maybe he really liked hanging out with us.” I couldn’t help but cry. That’s how I feel when I look at my boys. I’m sure that’s the way that God looks at us. That experience gave us a new perspective of the evolution of our lives. It was a sacred glimpse into the beautiful journey of growth, change and refinement; and a reminder of the precious time that we share with our children helping them to learn to fly!

Do Something that SCARES you!

2010-06-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

Written in the manifesto of one of my favorite athletic-wear stores, Lululemon Athletica, are these words: “Do one thing a day that scares you.” Now, I love inspirational quotes, but when you actually ponder their meaning and try to apply them to your life, change can happen. You see, I have spent most of my life as a person who likes to feel safe, secure and unharmed. The things that scare me have been things that I steer clear of. One of the things that scares me the most is failure. I am an imperfect perfectionist. If I think that I may fail at something, more than likely, I will not attempt it.

When I was in college, my now husband encouraged me to run track. He saw my athletic abilities, my desire to be in shape and the opportunity for us to do something together that would challenge us. I was scared...competing at the college level - shah! I’m not ready for that! I nearly talked myself out of it when he challenged me with “if you don’t try, then you’ll never know if you can do it.” So, track season began and I joined the team as a sprinter in the 100, 200 & 400m events. Practices were rigorous and demanding, the training left aches and pains that I had never experienced and ice baths, hot compresses and physical therapy became part of the regimen. I struggled to learn how to come off the blocks quick enough to get a strong start; I improved my anaerobic respiration capacity; I worked on my stride, learning how to move my body to achieve gains. And I became a sprinter. Three weeks into the season, coming off the blocks for the 200m, I got a strong start...the adrenaline was pumping, I was flying...then I caught my left toe, fell and rolled my ankle. Severe sprain. 4-6 weeks physical therapy. Season...done. It was tough, I was frustrated and felt like I had failed. After I moped a bit, I realized that injuries are often “uncontrollables”. This was a fluke, I fell down. I had to get back up, rally behind my team and finish the season supporting our sprinters.

I realized that I felt most alive when I was training. Even though I had shin splints regularly (running on your toes will do that!), it was a reminder that my body was working hard. I like that. That feeling became addictive to me and that track season changed the course of my life. I healed from my injury and continued on as an athlete, working to keep myself active and in shape.

Now here I am, five years into my career as a fitness instructor. I have the privilege of sowing into people’s lives and helping them achieve personal fitness goals. I love it! Sometimes, however, I get bored with my repeating schedule and I look for new ways to challenge myself. Most recently, I did P90X, a fantastic 90 day program that combines varied workouts to stave off the “plateau” effect and transform the body. I jumped into the program full go and saw some great results. After 62 days of P90X, mixed into my 8 class schedule, I started feeling worn down, achy and just plain fatigued. I realized that I was overtraining bigtime and became imbalanced. It was time to take a break and refocus. Set new goals.

11 days ago, I did something that scares me...I signed up for the Denver 1/2 Marathon. Why does this scare me? Because I am a sprinter, NOT a distance runner. Quite frankly, I don’t like to run unless its short and fast! But I need a new challenge, one that will take me to a new level and show me the capabilities of my body. There are a few factors that I have to manage.

I cannot run on my toes for 13.1 miles...so the heel-toe training is in place and going well :)
I am a team player and a motivator; I thrive on the energy of partnerships...this is not a team event, it’s about “your” pace, “your” split, “your” best time; that’s a huge shift for me.
I am committed to training, but not to overtraining. Injuries are more likely to happen when overtraining. Baby steps...
I have to believe that I can do it. This is a mind over matter exercise and I AM capable.

In the last 11 days, I have done 6 runs. I started with 2 miles at a 10-minute mile pace, then 3 miles, then 3.5, then 4...today, I did 4.5 miles in 40 minutes. I’m celebrating progress! Race day is Sept. 12...anyone want to join me? C’mon, do something that scares you. Stare it in the face and tell it who’s boss :)

The Storm

2010-06-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

Last night, we enjoyed a real summertime-in-Colorado storm complete with ground shaking thunder and light up the sky lightning. I love these storms ~ the smell of the moist air, the slight chill and the display of natures power. We don’t have them often, so when we do, it’s welcomed. Tevin, however, feels differently about storms. The photo above was taken at about 11pm, while the winds were whipping and the thunder booming, he was seeking solace and safety tucked into his pillow. The next morning, he walked into our room, crawled into bed with us and said “I didn’t wike that big storm wast night...too scary!” We couldn’t help but chuckle, but to Tev, it wasn’t funny. “I told the rain to go away forever!” he said with conviction.

Storms are nature’s way of watering the earth so that our grass and flowers can grow. Rain brings about more beauty. The correlation is the same with regard to the “storms” in our lives. Though the things we face are scary, frustrating and discouraging, there is something positive waiting for us when the sun shines again. I struggle to believe that in the midst of the storm, I want to bury my head in my pillow and wait for it all to go away. However, I have to cling to the promise that all things work together for good. Casting Crowns released a song called “Praise You in this Storm” and I’ve copied the lyrics below. No matter what the storm, how you’re navigating through it or how hopeless you may feel, God will get you through it. Believe it.

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Breakdown in Communication

2010-04-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

This morning, I woke up to a story of the Today show that rattled me. The story was about a 15 year old girl in Florida who was attacked and beaten within inches of her life by a 15 year old boy who was enraged by a text message she sent. The images of the 15 year old girl, who is in a medically-induced coma to cope with the swelling in her brain, were horrifying. Doctors say she will likely come out of this with brain damage. And why the violence? Because she sent a text that made him angry. A breakdown in communication, a misunderstanding and failure to discuss a matter face to face...leads to a changed life.

Texting, email, IM, Facebook...all of these technological developments have afforded us an efficient way to communicate "real-time". At the same token, however, they have also taken away the power of the voice, inflections and body language that we can only interpret by looking into each others eyes or listening intently to the voice on the other end of the phone. When we send a message, we allow the receiver to come up with their own context and intent, which oftentimes can be completely misunderstood and lead to hurt feelings or confusion. I have been in this predicament on more than one occasion. Honestly, I don't like to talk on the phone. I make phone calls with a purpose in mind, not usually to "shoot the breeze". Oftentimes, shooting a text or email will fulfill my purpose and I don't pick up the phone. I try my best to check in with my family & friends in Indiana by phone so that I can be in touch, but I fail to do that as often as I should. I have sold my soul to convenient technology and have lost some "connection" in the process.

I'm not advocating for the END of texting and email...Gosh, I'd be lost without the convenience! I'm simply sharing a point of view and thinking that my relationships might benefit from more face-to-face and phone time to keep the lines of communication clear. Never underestimate the power of your words.

Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.
Maya Angelou

Let the sun shine in!

2010-03-03T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today, I started my day in the usual way...after waking the boys for school, I go downstairs and systematically open all of the blinds, inviting the sunshine in. One of my favorite things about this ritual is when I open the bay window blinds, I can feel the warmth of the sun. I always close my eyes and soak it up.

"No one experiences true fulfillment without love. To have companionship with those who make us feel at home with ourselves and with God. " That's a quote from my Pastor Hugo's sermon on Sunday and it resonated with me. Do you believe that? Can you imagine life without love? For me, the love and companionship that I share with my husband, my sons, my family and my friends is the sunshine that warms my soul, gives me a sense of belonging, makes me sparkle and feel "at home". It is the desire to nurture and grow that love thats springs up a well of desire within me to be the best me, to give more, to hug tighter, to smile, to be present, available, engaged and balanced. To be a light in the lives of those around me and shine:)

Last week, I shared inspiring conversation with my friend Stephanie (who also happens to be my amazing hair stylist!) We have the ability to talk about diverse topics from religion to celebrity drama and nothing is off limits. There is a trust and respect for each other's thoughts/opinions ~ I treasure that. I was sharing that I grow confused and frustrated with how the ideals that should unite us often divide us, specifically when it comes to religious beliefs. We began talking deeply about the idea of Heaven and our desire to live in the light, God's light, to reflect His unfailing love. What a concept! Since none of us has the definitive answer to what is the "right" way to believe, we can share the heartfelt desire to live in the light, to BE the light in a world with much darkness.

I attempt to live life that way, to spread sunshine...but sometimes, (specifically when I am driving) I fail. It is in trying and failing that we learn better ways to do things. Today, right now, choose to be the light and warm the souls of those around you!

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." -Og Mandino

The Gift of a New Day

2010-02-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

"Good Morning Sunshine!" That's what my Nanny (Grandmother) would say to me as I walked into the kitchen every morning. When I think back on those times, I remember being filled with joy when I heard her voice. What a terrific greeting to start the day. Today is a gift, a fresh start...and after yesterday's negative events, I need to start over!

Circumstances come into our lives,

big or small, that truly challenge us. I believe that ATTITUDE is a little thing that makes a big difference! Truth be told, I struggle to maintain a positive attitude. My nature is more pessimistic/realistic than optimistic. Yesterday, I was ticked off, flustered and irritated. I was negative Nancy & Debbie downer all at once ~ EEESH! I felt like a fell in a hole and couldn't dig my way out. However, when it came time to teach my classes, I was so distracted by the incredibly devoted members who come to work hard and break a good sweat. They motivated me and helped me to climb out. When I came home to be with my family, I was immediately reminded that the events of the day were a setback, an attempt to steal my joy. And when I look into the eyes of my boys, greeting me with open arms "Mommy, I hug you"...there is a new perspective.

Today, I'm choosing joy. I'm thinking of yesterdays events as an untimely opportunity to get a new mattress :) Today, I'm choosing to see the blue skies through the clouds and to be "Susie Sunshine" in the lives of those around me.

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. "
~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book

Let's talk about Eve...

2010-02-03T12:27:00.000-08:00

I've learned that I feel most motivated to "blog" when I've had a rough patch or a tough day. Today, I opened my eyes and immediately began fulfilling both my wifely and motherly duties. My work day doesn't begin after a hot shower and neatly pressed clothes, noooo, it begins the minute I open my peepers and greet the day. Get Keenan up and encourage him to get dressed, quickly...get Tevin to the potty and change him into underwear. Then, RUSH!!!! Breakfast, lunch prepared, necessary items into the backpack and children into the car and on the way to school. I'm out of breath, filled with nervous energy and off!

The checklist for me is undone.
Shower? Nope.
Brush teeth? Nope.
Yesterdays makeup? Yep...so sexy.
Coffee? Nope...sigh.
Breakfast? What's th

at?

When I returned home from dropping Keenan off at school, I was greeted with an extra special surprise. Our 7 year old boxer, Mobley, left a mound of poo and two pee puddles on the carpet for me. LOVELY! Then, when I went upstairs, I discovered the doozie...a puddle of pee on our bed. You see, we always close our bedroom door because Mobley has been known to nap in our bed when we are not at home. But today, amidst the rush, I didn't close the door, nor did anyone let Mobley out. So, here it is, my reward. Now, I'm from the south side of Chicago and grew up with a family of sailors. That is, when someone is irritated or upset, there are poetic four and five letter words that freely flow. I confess, I was there...along with tears that were shooting forth from my eyes!!! Really? really? REALLY?!!!! I have exactly 45 minutes to get Tevin dressed and fed, and get myself ready to teach a class at 10:00 and I have to clean up the loving deposits of my dog. This is a bad joke, straight out of "Marley & Me" except I don't have the endless compassion for man's best friend.

As I was driving to the gym, with yesterdays makeup and hardly brushed hair (I did brush my teeth!) I began thinking of Eve. You know, the first woman, created OF man and FOR man in Genesis...you know the one. I think that Eve royally screwed things up for our woman species. Had she resisted the temptation of the apple, we might have been okay. But instead, she chose to partake and enjoy that which was forbidden. Why? Because she responded to her own selfish desires ~ human, right? And since the beginning of time, we have paid the price. Think about it, menstruation, emotional seesaws, childbirth, lower sex drive, menopause and the imposed demands of being a wife and domestic goddess. It's all about giving and giving and giving. Now don't get it twisted, there are tremendous and priceless rewards in all of these things; joy unspeakable. And, God designed us to be strong, resilient and self-sacrificing for the greater good. He uses us to house miracles and bring forth new life. Then to nurture those lives, guide them and entrust them back to Him.

Maybe God used Eve as a case study...He created Adam & Eve and saw the human propensity to be self-serving. So He used Eve's act of disobedience to hone the makeup of the "woman". Maybe He knew that one of the genders needed to be focused first on the needs of others, so he created the mother's heart within us. I don't know...I'm just philosophizing.

What I do know is this: though it seems a difficult task, I want to take a shower everyday and I want to brush my teeth before I leave the house. Oh, and I need a new mattress, thanks to my beloved dog.

~M.

Significance of Service

2010-01-24T20:24:00.000-08:00

This morning, my Pastor gave a message about the significance of service and the definition of a good neighbor. It has resonated with me all day and given me much to chew on. When I think of service, I immediately think big and outside the box, i.e. feeding the hungry, helping the poor, going on mission trips. However, today, I thought smaller and closer to home...I thought of how I daily serve my family. And I began to ponder the significance...

As I sit here, in the dark, before my glowing screen, I f

eel exhausted, drained and utterly pooped. In the background, I can hear my two greatest gifts, my sons, one taking in the breath of deep sleep, while the other (who doesn't want to give in) cries "Mom-meeee! I hold you!" I continue to go in, wipe his nose, sing "You are My Sunshine" again and give him his 1000th hug for the day, hoping that soon, he will drift off to dreamland. Being a Mom is a wonderful privilege and an incredible responsibility. Shepherding the hearts of my boys and guiding them through this world is my life's work. I know that their youth with be but a fleeting memory, so I try to breathe in and soak up every single moment with them. Serving my children and my family means being engaged, tuned in and available throughout the day; anticipating the needs before they are spoken, then meeting the needs immediately. It means preparing breakfast, imparting joy for the day, making lunches, packing backpacks, drop off/pick up, Gymboree, reading, playing, practice, games, praying, learning, growing...and in the midst of that, there is laundry, dishes, meal preparation, paying bills, grocery shopping and thinking of how I might serve my husband. I know it is significant service, because I keep things moving (not always in good working order), but the machine runs. If I didn't do laundry, then my boys wouldn't have clean underwear and THAT would be bad. The truth is, oftentimes, it doesn't feel significant. Sometimes I grow tired of the daily and mundane. I feel maxed out, frazzled, empty...in need of "me" time. Then I feel guilty, then I beat myself up, then I'm no good, at all. Can you relate?

I am grateful for a husband who is engaged, truly my partner sharing the load and always an active father. I am blessed with a strong support system and a mother-in-love who is tireless and helpful. I can't imagine the velocity of the task if I did not have these teammates. As I serve my family, I want to do so with zeal, love and joy. I often worry about the impression I'm leaving on my two sons. How do they see their Mommy? Do they know how much I love them? How much I like them? How much I enjoy learning with them? I am plagued by the question of whether I am doing, being, trying, loving enough.

I share this, not because I have definitive answers or wisdom; I share because I know there are many Moms, like me, who question the significance of their service. This is not the kind of job where you are recognized by the multitudes for your efforts; there will be no promotions, incentives or vacations. Our payoff is in the development of our children, the strength of our family unit, the depth of our marriages and the memories we make for a lifetime.

Here's a little poem I stumbled upon:

Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray
For life's been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom
Running errands, matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose
Gitting lids on bottled bugs
Wiping tears and giving hugs
A stack of last week's mail to read
So where's the quiet time I need?
Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I seen then, in my small one's face
That you have blessed me
All the while
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile

Wonderful

2010-01-10T15:10:00.001-08:00

Today, I want to share with you the lyrics of a song called "Wonderful" by Gary Go. Everytime I hear this song, I am inspired to "see" myself differently and more positively. For all you Moms who question yourselves daily, take these words to heart. You are WONDERFUL, imperative, influential, selfless and amazing. Believe it...don't lose your SPARKLE!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a28s_wyqkyc

Wonderful by Gary Go

The person that you were has died
You've lost the sparkle in your eyes
You fell for life - into it's traps
Now you wanna bridge the gaps
Now you wanna bridge the gaps
Now you want that person back

And all your ammunition's gone
Run out of fuel to carry on
You don't know what you wanna do
You've got no pull to pull you through

Say "I am"
Say "I am"
Say "I am wonderful"

Say "I am"
Say "I am"
Say "I am wonderful"

If what you've lost cannot be found
And the weight of the world weighs you down
No longer with the will to fly
You stop to let it pass you by
Don't stop to let it pass you by
You've gotta look yourself in the eye

Say "I am"
Say "I am"
Say "I am wonderful"
Oh you are

Say "I am"
Say "I am"
Say "I am wonderful"

Cause we are all miracles
Wrapped up in chemicals
We are incredible
Don't take it for granted, no
We are all miracles
Oh we are

Say "I am"
Say "I am"
Say "I am wonderful"
Oh you are

Don't take it for granted, no
We are all miracles
Wrapped up, yeah we're wrapped up
Oh we are wonderful

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

AFFIRMATION: Lord, help me to see myself as You have made me.

Limitations

2010-01-10T14:28:00.001-08:00

It's Sunday and I'm feeling inspired after church this morning. The message was about overcoming our limitations to experience the fullness of God. I needed that, in fact, I devoured it. We can so easily "buy in" to our limitations. We tell ourselves "That's too scary", "There's too much risk", "I don't have the proper training", "That's just not my thing", etc. It can apply to so many areas of our lives. We talk ourselves out of experiencing the things in life that can ultimately change us, our perspective or our purpose.

Four years ago, Kerron and I accepted an invitation to go and serve in missions in Costa Rica. Our pastor asked us for a 10 year commitment, before we had ever been there. We prayed about it, wondering what God might have for us in Costa Rica. Heck, all we knew about the country was the culture, the beach and some great scuba diving! Nonetheless, we felt a tug at our hearts. We looked at the blessings in our life and constantly asked, how do we give back, where can we serve? This, for us, was the answer. Mission work can be scary, you don't know what the conditions for living will be, how the language barrier will affect your experience, what inherent dangers you might face. All of those questions can cause you to turn away from the opportunity. It was in that fear that we surrendered to the call of God and now, because of that step of faith, our lives have been enriched and changed by the relationships that we have formed with teens and families in Costa Rica. Seeds have been planted, watered and harvested. Lives have been changed. We...have been changed. And, we have six more years to experience the fullness of God with our new family there.

Kerron leaves for Costa Rica in a few days. When we were there in July, he told the kids that he/we would be back in January to do a leadership training, to equip these "Youth" to sow into the lives of each other and their community. Although it seemed the trip would not come together for a team of us, Kerron felt that he needed to go, as he had promised. I know that God will use him in a mighty way. However, he speaks MINIMAL Spanish and the team he is sharing with speaks MINIMAL English. I am inspired by my husband and his willingness and excitement to go, despite the obvious limitations. I look forward to hearing his stories of transformation and deeper relationships. I covet your prayers for his safety and effectiveness in ministry.

In 2010, I want to serve more. I want to be stretched more. I want to live out the purpose of my life...with joy and enthusiasm.
How can I serve you more?

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."
1 Peter 4:10