If that sounds bizarre that’s because it absolutely is! An odd mix of Sesame Street for adults and Scott Adams’ Dilbert (if confined to the public restroom), The Flushed manages to be both entertaining and oddly educational as visitors are instructed in “toilet yoga” for the corporate world. Tips include when to avoid eye contact, why stall pissing is a sin and what makes the urinal bug a pee savior. Get your learning caps on… it’s time to go to school!

In case you’re a caveman that’s just been thawed out from a block of ice, Men in Black is a movie franchise about a secret organization that monitors and polices alien activity on the planet Earth. The last two movies have focused on the buddy-buddy MIB team of Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) and Agent J (Will Smith) and their adventures, which generally end up saving the planet from alien threat(s).

I liked both of the previous films. The original Men in Black is great because, other than the special effects and aliens (most created with practical FX courtesy of SFX veteran Rick Baker), you as the viewer get to follow Agent J as he gets recruited and learns the ropes of his new profession while his mentor/partner Agent K treats every fantastic/horrific alien encounter as another day at the office. Both characters are well written and the duo of Smith/Jones do a great job bringing them to life. There are a lot of comical moments, especially with alien pawnshop owner Jeebs (Tony Shalhoub) and Frank, the talking alien pug.

The sequel, MIB II, is a true detective tale with a great backstory that gives more insight into Agent K’s life and interjects some romance to Agent J’s life as well. While its a good film, however, MIB II is not great. Don’t get me wrong, the overall story has a lot more comedy than the first film, but the ending lacks a certain “something.” Overall the film could have used some more fine polishing ,but considering that a lot of the story was going to be about the Twin Towers being an intergalactic prison and then during the first months of filming… well, you know what happened. After the aftermath of 9/11, MIB II had to be rewritten (in a hurry) and scenes needed to be re-shot. It’s actually a miracle that Sony came out with MIB II at all.

So, after seeing MIB III all I can really say is that it’s the weakest movie of the three. Even though the film has a strong opening prison scene (probably left over from MIB II’s original script), most of the movie just falls flat. Almost all of the funny scenes have already been shown in various trailers and commercials over the past 3 months! Story-wise, it’s a little too straightforward for the team (either in 2012 or 1966) when it comes to finding clues that propel them to the next point of interest. Each scene just feels rushed with very few of the comedic moments that you expect from a MIB film.

All the actors pull off great performances (Brolin’s version on Tommy Lee Jones is spot on), but with very little time spent on each scene it’s hard to care what’s going on. It’s also kind of sad that there is no presence of previously established characters such as Jeebs, Frank, or David Cross’s character (Morgue desk man/Video Store Clerk). Come to think of it, there are NO CELEBRITY CAMEOS in this movie. The only intriguing character is Griffin (Michael Stuhlbarg), a lonely alien that… you know what, I don’t want to spoil his shtick for you, suffice to say he’s a fascinating character. His observations, while very comical, aren’t quite funny enough to carry the entire movie.

Good, but not great.

If you can just wait for DVD/Blu-Ray/cable/Netfix or go see it in a month at your local double feature drive-in or dollar theater.

Piranha 3DD – Not a DVD/Blu-Ray release, but I think it bears mentioning.  Apparently, the sequel to 2010′s awesomely camp Piranha 3D is going to stream the same day it is released in US theaters (June 1).  I enjoyed the first one, so I’ll definitely check out the sequel.

True Blood: The Complete Fourth Season – I actually really want to start watching this show but I haven’t had the chance to jump in yet. The guys and I from the Nerd Lunch Podcast are preparing to read the first novel that this series is based on, Dead Until Dark, later this summer.  We’ll see if that gets me going on this show.

Goon – Written but not directed by Kevin Smith. I’ll admit, I’m a Smith fan, but I’m sort of a lapsed fan. I haven’t really loved anything he’s done since Clerks II. Cop Out was just f**king terrible. However, I like the man’s writing style and the previews for this look funny and the cast is really great. I’ll give it a shot, but my expectations are low.

Maverick: Season 1 – Not only am I a big western fan, I am a big James Garner fan. And this is one of Garner’s best roles. Bret Maverick is an awesome and funny series. If you’ve seen the movie Maverick with Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster and Garner, then you have the gist of the series. It’s funny and very entertaining.

Rape of the Vampire and Requiem for a Vampire – Awesome 60s – 70s psycho-sexual horror movies by Jean Rollin. These movies are crazy, weird, erotic and strange and feature vampires, cannibals, lesbians and monsters.

You could call cartoonist M. Wartella a great many things, but none would describe him quite as well as “MAD.” Wartella is anything but angry, though. In fact, since becoming an animator for Warner Bros.’ MAD on Cartoon Network he’s been rather ecstatic. A lifelong fan of MAD Magazine, Wartella has been a part of the animated series since its debut in 2010. Before that, the New York native lended his artistic talents to shows like Wonder Showzen (he also performed the voice of the Horse Apples horse) and SUPERJAIL!. His work has also appeared in Interview, SPIN, Nickelodeon Magazine — he was even a contributor to Topps’ Wacky Packages trading card series.

Since today marks the official premiere of MAD Season 3 on Cartoon Network, we convinced Wartella to share a bit of his “MADness” with us here at the clubhouse.

© Warner Bros. Entertainment 2012

It’s so awesome to have you here with us, M. Congratulations on the debut MAD Season 3!

Alright! Well, thanks for watching, and especially for inviting me up into the clubhouse. You got it pretty decked out in here!

Thanks! So, the MAD cartoon seems to consist of a lot of different animation styles and techniques. What sort of animation process(es) do you have?

A tedious one! Everything’s drawn and animated completely by hand. It’s the only way to really make the drawings feel alive. Not like that soulless CGI crap. I mean, we also use computers of course, but it’s still entirely drawn by hand, just digitally on a digitizer pad in Flash. It’s traditional keyframe animation… just like the classics!

Sweet! Is it just you working on each one or do you have any animation assistants to help you?

For my segments, I design and draw all the artwork, set the shots, pace, the timing and all of that. Several of the segments are entirely animated by me, like You Got Ninjas which ended up in some of the Cartoon Network promo spots, but each one requires an insane amount of drawing. It’s a lot of work, so I also bring in other folks to help animate some of the longer segments.

I’ve been very lucky to have worked with some amazingly talented artists in their own right, especially Joy Vaccese (one half of the animating wonder duo Twins Are Weird), and other cool people like Funwunce‘s Shelby Hohl, Ian Miller, Ryan Ortgiessen, lots of folks. Josh Bayer even helped out on one short. We have a good time!

What sort of creative freedom are you given on the show? Has anyone ever told you to pull back because you’ve gone too far?

The people at Warner Bros. and Cartoon Network are great. They usually don’t ask to change too much, but every once in awhile there has been some funny stuff that had to be scrapped because it is a primetime show, after all. Everything has to fit within the MAD template, so it’s cool.

Do you ever censor yourself or do you feel that’s counter-productive to tapping into your imagination?

I try to amplify myself instead of pull back. It’s like they say, “Be Yourself… TIMES TEN!” That’s how we all should be! *laughs*

Let’s roll back the clock… what spawned your interest in illustration and when did you start making your own comics?

I had my first weekly comic strip in the local newspaper when I was ten years old, that was my first professional gig. I got hooked once I found out all the ladies love cartoonists!

You lived relatively close to Three Mile Island growing up. Did that influence the subject matter of your work at all?

Hmmm… I am kind of interested in mutations and hybrids…

TSA comic by m. wartella (The Village Voice, December 2007)

Me too! Have you discovered any latent superpowers of your own? Spider-like agility? Mop-weilding prowess? Radioactive rage?

Well, I’m currently working on my remote viewing techniques. It requires an incredibly high coffee consumption.

Speaking of incredible, your site has an incredibly unusual name, Ackxhpæz. How did that title come about?

I just wanted something that was catchy, easy to remember, and simple to pronounce.

Is it true that pronouncing it backwards will open a portal to the Sixth Dimension?

Yes, but you have to be in a pitch-dark bathroom at midnight, looking at your own reflection in the mirror for it to work.

SNNFFY SMTH by m. wartella

Oh, I am SO trying that out tonight! There was also a Ackxhpæz comic strip, did that open any doors for you professionally?

No, it got me banned from several newspapers.

That explains why you were considered an “underground” cartoonist during the 90s. Do you think the “underground” still exists or has just about everything migrated to the mainstream?

The underground ALWAYS exists. Anyone who can’t find it on their own has just gone too far into the mainstream, but you can’t have an “underground” or “alternative” or “street” culture without a mainstream culture. It’s like they say, “Dark is not the opposite of light, it’s the absence of light.”

R. Crumb's Head Comix (cover scan)

Visually, your work shares a lot of similar traits to other underground comix artists like Robert Crumb, Clay Wilson and Gilbert Shelton. Have any of these artists, or that scene in general, had an influence on you?

I take that as a huge compliment! That’s totally the scene I love. Jay Lynch too. All the underground comix artists. My first obsession was the classic MAD magazine artists like Don Martin and Al Jaffee. Then I keyed into the vintage MAD stuff and really got inspired by Bill Elder. Once I hit my teen years, I was lucky enough to discover a copy of Crumb’s Head Comix. The rest is history!

It would seem that you’ve made some influences of your own as well. Is it true that Johnny Ryan’s “Blecky Yuckerella” character is based on your name?

Heh heh… No comment.

© Warner Bros. Entertainment 2012

Who are a few artists whose work currently inspires you?

Modern? I’d say Andy Rementer. Classic? I love Raymond Pettibon’s stuff. New York has a pretty good comics scene happening now. I like artists like Gabrielle Bell and then what I call the “beyond” cartoonists like Marc Bell and Ron Rege Jr.

I also use audio as a source of inspiration. I love Rock & Roll music! Always play it loud. Then I layer up something on top of that, like some Art Bell or George Noory, a little Coast To Coast AM. Maybe some David Wilcock or Terrence McKenna talks, just let that run in the background, and before you know it I’m in the right state of mind to do some serious “ice road” animating!

Alright, M., before you mutate a pair of bat-wings and fly away there’s one last question. What’s the strangest thing you can remember doing as a kid?

Sneaking into the embalming room at my uncle’s mortuary. That was fun!

Click to embiggen the awesomeness

For a full list of which Wartella-crafted toons have appeared on MAD, be sure to check out the official MAD Wiki.

Don’t worry if we stumped you, it was really a rhetorical sort of question because there’s no telling how big you can really get… like perhaps becoming part of the internet culture itself, carving your name in an era or having two, big-ass yearly gaming conventions that threaten the dominance of the elite Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3). Sound impressive? It should and there’s one webcomic that has been able to do it all, a webcomic about gamers co-created by friends Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik: PENNY ARCADE.

For those not already caught in the mammoth reach of Penny Arcade, it’s the story of John “Gabe” Gabriel and Tycho Brahe. As fictional alter egos of Krahulik and Holkins respectively, Gabe represents the naive, energetic, not so innocent, free spirit of gamers while Tycho represents the obsessive, sarcastic, bitter over-intelligence of fanboys (and girls). You could say that both are generalizations of all “nerd domain fandom” to which every single gamer, sci-fi collector, comic book reader and other strange kids can identify with. As such, the webcomic often focus on pop-culture, portraying it in an irreverent, heart-filled way. absorbed the culture, our pop-culture, and showed it to us in an irreverent a full of heart way. Topics have included video games, game developers, role playing games, religion, politics, My Little Pony… and so on.

Beyond being just a webcomic, Penny Arcade has gone on to rack up two published videogames (with another under development), founded a charity event called “Child’s Play,” started two gaming expos — The Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) is held in Washington (Prime) and Boston (East) — and that’s not all of it! Krahulik and Holkins have also collaborated with companies like Nintendo and Capcom (among others) to publish comics and parodies about their games. Gabe’s “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” (aka the “online disinhibition effect”) has been studied as a human behavior theory and even Yoshimitsu from the Tekken series will wear the Cardboard Tube Samurai’s robe for the upcoming Tekken 6.

Krahulik and Holkins have both become gaming superstars. They have been recognized by MTV, Next Generation and 1UP.com for their influence on the gaming community, appeared in the 2010 edition of “Time 100” and were even honored by the Washington State Senate. Now that’s how big you can get in the webcomic industry!

Here’s a few personal favorites and if you want to scope out more of Hartter’s work, be sure to visit his official blog, HARTTER.

Prayer of the Rollerboys is your run of the mill futuristic anti-drug/anti-hate that is very reminiscent of an episode of 21 Jump Street. In the future, the United States is on the verge of national bankruptcy and with very few jobs out there for the middle class, most Americans are struggling and live-in centers, makeshift shanty towns or tents and trailers. Griffen (Corey Haim) is a lucky/unlucky to have a job delivering pizzas. While doing a pizza run to the BAD side of Los Angeles (armed with only a straw hat, a M-16, and a post apocalyptic battlevan), he comes to a burning crack house and saves the life of a “Rollerboy,” one of the local in-line skate gangs that are trying to buy back the streets… for America!

Turns out, the Leader of the Rollarboys is Griffen’s childhood best friend, Gary Lee. In return for risking his life to save on of his generals, Gary Lee takes “Griff” under his wing and explains that it’s time for (White) American’s to take control of their country. With the help of slinging a new drug called Mist, heavy recruitment and “The Day of the Rope” coming soon, they will victorious! …but what Mr. Lee doesn’t know is that his new best friend is being forced undercover (by the lovely Patricia Arquette) for the Police/FBI to take down these rouge gang of rapscallions before it’s too late. Oh, and there’s some boring crap about Griff’s kid brother getting strung out and their African American father figure being beat to shit by the Rollerboys.

One of my favorite things about this movie is that apparently EVERY CHILD KNOWS HOW TO SKATE and how someone can easily fire a gun of any caliber while rollerblading and not be knocked down by the recoil. Overall, for all of the film’s heavy preaching, the it really isn’t that bad of a movie. The story is actually well written and very intriguing, I especially enjoy the drug lab trailer scenes with Bango (Mark Pellegrion). Yeah, Corey Haim is terrible but the acting ability of his co-star Chris Collet really makes up for it… kinda sad that he didn’t make it big in Hollywood.

Even though it only received a limited DVD release, you should be able to find this gem at your local hole in the wall rental shop or online for a couple of bucks. Also, if you’re looking a equally good movie to make a bad night double feature, I would recommend Class of 1999, which I’ll save for a later Rube’s Review.

Glenn even managed to put together a pretty funny video to promote the campaign – full of dry wit, comic nerd shenanigans, Transformer-love and art… okay, “sorta art.” Sure, you could spend your money on a few tubes of minty fresh toothpaste, but why do that when you could have “Bad Teeth?”

To learn more about Bad Teeth or show your support, check out the official The Best of Bad Teeth fundraising page.

First released in the UK as Teenage Wasteland: The Slasher Movie Uncut (2010), this new edition brings back every vividly colorful photo still and movie poster (both foreign and domestic) that appeared in the original with a few updates to boot. Alongside this imagery Kerswell provides a surprisingly in-depth retrospective of the subgenre, covering an even more impressive list of films (my personal favorite being the “Campy and Creepy” section), that culminate in a series of fun micro-reviews, a Top 10 Body Counts list and more – there’s even a Glossary for those new to slasher films!

Memorial Day Weekend Slash ‘n Grab Giveaway!

HOW TO WIN:
Simply answer the question below by leaving a comment along with a valid email address – that’s it! Two Grand Prize Winners will each receive a copy of the book sent straight to their doorstep. This contest ends next Monday, May 28th, so don’t wait! The winners will be announced by Tuesday, May 29th.

What movie is widely considered the earliest slasher film? (Hint: It’s not Psycho.)

Back in 1999, writer/director Stephen Sommers had a major hit with his re-imagining of The Mummy. He took a classic story about love, loss, and revenge and turned it into a non-stop adventure for a whole new generation of monster fans. As an uberfan, I really enjoy watching the (new) Mummy adventures. I always thought there was so much unexplored territory for that character (Imohtep/Mummy) and was very happy with Sommer’s new editions to the Mummy’s lore. Even though some parts/ideas didn’t work for me (ie. piranha-like scarabs and mummified priests), the Mummy (and it’s two sequels/prequels) still work as a whole and deliver that classic Universal Monster feeling that was missing from modern day creature features.

The bigwigs at Universal were so impressed with the movie’s positive response and box office success that they wanted to do a full relaunch of their famous monsters line, but the studio wanted something big… bigger than any monster movie they ever released. So they let Sommers have full reign of their franchises and let him run wild. When news got around about the new Universal relaunch, UM fans couldn’t be more excited. With the writer and director of the Mummy at the helm what could go wrong? …then Stephen Sommers fucked it all up – big time – for all of us with Van Helsing.

The beginning of the film does a great job setting the good ol’ Universal Monster vibe. It opens with a B&W scene of Transylvanian villagers armed with torches and pitchforks, breaking down the doors to Castle Frankenstein – it doesn’t get more Universal Monster than that! Victor Von Frankenstein has just brought his “creation” to life but then you have another guy dressed in black that is, lets face it, being a little bit melodramatic, but it’s okay because right before you get sick of him *BOOM!* the creature throws him and a sparking, electrical gizmo into a huge fireplace. The burned figure walks out and regenerates.

Okay, he’s Dracula, we get it. The villagers follow the Frankenstein monster to a nearby windmill (which for some reason is filled with liquor and bibles) and while setting it ablaze, Dracula and his half naked Brides show up just in time to cry over big Frankie’s fiery demise. At this point you’re just all pumped up to see more monsters, explosions, and sexy vampires!

So the action starts up again with an exciting cat and mouse chase through the rooftops of Paris. During their grande fight, there is some clever/friendly banter between a gadget wielding Van Helsing (played by that “Wolverine guy”) and a CGI behemoth, aka Mr. Hyde. Let me tell you it’s very entertaining, but it ends too quickly when (for some weird reason and no explanation), the monster turns back into Dr. Jekyll and falls to his death. I really like this scene but kinda reminds me of something… “video gamey.”

Turns out Van Helsing is a paranormal crime fighter that works for a secret sect of Catholic Church that is determined to rid the world of evil. After being reprimanded for his extreme actions, Van Helsing is instructed to go to a small village in Romania to investigate a blood feud between the house of Dracula and the current ruling gypsy clan, the Valerios. The Valerios family is on the verge of being wiped out and if they don’t succeed with their promise of destroying Dracula, nine generations of their family will not be let into the Kingdom of Heaven and their souls will be lost in purgatory forever.

Armed with a gas-propelled auto-crossbow (BTW – the kid’s toy version is really cool) and partnered with his court appointed Friar, Carl, they’re off to Transylvania to battle the forces of evil! Then… the movie just falls apart. Even though it’s entertaining, every scene that follows makes you feel like your watching a video game that includes Van Helsing fighting whatever monster/boss for that scene/level and obtaining power-up weapons and/or info on the villain’s weak spot from his Friar buddy.

There are plot points that are just confusing and make no sense (I’ll let you find them) and if it wasn’t for the cool special effects, sexy vampire brides (Aleera is my favorite), and the acting ability of Kevin J. O’Connor (one of my favorite character actors) as Igor I wouldn’t have even finished watching this train-wreck. Hugh Jackman does his best with what he’s given, but sometimes he seems as confused as the audience watching the film. That said, referring the Van Helsing film as a Universal Monster film is PURE BLASPHEMY! You cringe every time that you have to listen to Richard Roxburg’s (Dracula) atrocious overacting or Frankenstein’s unneeded Shakespearean speeches. The whole premise of why Dracula needs the Frankenstein Monster is just absurd (I won’t spoil it for you).

My number one pet peeve, though, is messing with the original Wolfman gypsy speech by adding extra verses just to integrate it as a key plot point for a new movie. This just rubs me the wrong way. Also, since I was working at “We Be Toys” at the time, it seemed like the whole reason why this confusing crapfest came out in the first place was to sell toys, and there were a lot of them… that sat on the shelves… for months… gathering dust… and finally sold at discount or got sent to a local landfill to finally rest in peace.

When I saw it in the theater, children either fell asleep or were squirming outta boredom so much that parents took their kids and just left. Even though it had a strong opening, overall Van Helsing did very poorly at the box office causing Universal Studios to abandoned all ideas for a sequal/trilogy. In my opinion, with all of this movie’s problems and video game like qualities, they should have just changed the film’s name to Castlevania: The Movie… which when you think about it would have made more sense and probably made millions.

I still watch Van Helsing from time to time. I really do like some of the monster parts, especially the chick fight at the end with Vamp-a-whore Aleera and Princess Anna over a werewolf cure in a bottle of hydrochloric acid(?). During this battle Aleera get splashed in the face with acid and even though it’s CG’d, her disfigured image reminds me of the old-time makeup effects of Jack Pierce and Bud Westmore… I liked how Stephen Sommers really tried to bring back that old Universal Monster feeling. I think that he has done a great job with his Mummy movies and other films (check out Deep Rising), but he just missed the mark when it came to Van Helsing, which is just a shame. I would have loved to have seen more adventures of the man in black battling other villains and monsters of yesteryear.