I’m celebrating my darling friend Michelle’s book* launch by giving you on the skinny on Enthusiasm.  Dig in and take on the challenge in the comments below!

As adults, we tend to shy on the side of underwhelm. It’s not cool to be excited about the Steve Martin concert or new neighbors or the fact that your grocery store is finally carrying sesame butter. It’s not hip to dance around in celebration of your new client.

We bottle our emotions or only share complaints because it’s so much more acceptable to be critical or sarcastic or blasé.

But who wants to be merely acceptable? Allowing yourself to go gaga for a new recipe, an amazing line in your novel, a new crush, or your brand new website feeds your childlike soul. Allowing yourself to get excited, to express hope, to be thrilled a tiny exchange is how us “happy people” enjoy the journey.

Showing enthusiasm towards anything is a gift to yourself.

(click to tweet that gem)

It’s a way to guarantee that you won’t fall into a too-cool-for-school slump of apathy.

In this video, I’m challenging you to let things light you up! Share your passion! When you get excited about the little or big things in life, you’re reminding yourself that your delight is important.

And any reminder that YOU are important fuels your inner confidence and self-love.

Boom.

XOXO

*The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s BlogLovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more — and join us! – by clicking here.

How do you keep faith in yourself and your dreams?

What do you do when shit hits the fan?  When your well laid plans explode in your face?  When you don’t hit the mark, make your goal, meet your deadline or manifest your desire?

What do you do when you feel like you are failing?

For me, keeping the faith means switching the consideration in those low moments from “Am I failing?” to “Am I choosing myself?”

The guiding question shouldn’t be “Is this plan/trip/business/marriage a failure?” — it should be

How do I choose myself in this situation?

Sometimes choosing yourself will mean…

• Cutting your loses
• Persevering because you believe so strongly in your message, your purpose, your love, your artwork
• Making someone else uncomfortable
• Appearing self-involved, impractical, or contradictory
• Tuning into your intuition instead of practical advice

Choosing yourself is not a selfish gesture, done without considering those in your family or inner circle.  It’s not done in a vacuum, ignoring morals or consequences.

Choosing yourself means understanding that you have certain needs that must be met so that you can live wholeheartedly.

(click to tweet)

Let me repeat.  It is not selfish.

Choosing yourself means deeply honoring certain values so you can take up the full space of your presence. It’s loving yourself so fiercely that you can sit comfortably with your weakness and flaws and mistakes without shame.

Keeping your faith in your goodness and worth in the midst of a messy run can be incredibly difficult.  Each and everyone of us knows that. But if you’re evaluating your relationship, your business, your career, your health or your product launch strictly on the terms of failure and success — you’re trying to make something black and white that is decidedly gray.

Stop worrying about failing.  Stop concentrating on success.

Keep the faith in yourself and your dreams by choosing yourself.

XOXO

photo credit to nikki.jane

So, it’s no secret that registration for The Willpower Council is open.  And I couldn’t be more excited!

We’ll be exploring Willpower, Habits and Self-Compassion starting on
April 29th.

The Councils are online pow wows that gather the Tribe together for 21 fast-paced days and address the juiciest issues facing us as ambitious, connected, soulful women.  If you haven’t signed up yet, it’s time to get your cute booty in gear and join us.

This time the topic is, “How do we get shit done/go after our big goals/make the dreams happen without beating ourselves up or turning into women who base their value on productivity/external success/others’ validation?”

Big one, eh?

Besides willpower, we are going to talk about daily habits, about making sure you know the “why” behind your goals, and about how self-compassion is key in making sustainable change.

And YOU are going to tackle one new habit that will make a difference in your world.

With my support.

In the company of other lovely ladies.

BOOM!

One of my favorite parts of The Council is sharing the interviews I’ve been doing with inspiring women from around the web.   In the last few weeks, I’ve cornered seven of them on the phone and quizzed them mercilessly for 30-40 minutes about how they utilize willpower/habits/self-compassion in their own lives.

You’ll hear me say multiple times, “And what does that look like in your day?  And how do you do that? “

I’m not as interested in theory as I am in personal practices.  And self-deprecating stories. And loads of laughter.

I loved the conversation I had with Laura Roeder of LKR Social Media — we jammed on her love of watching Bravo television for as long as possible, to the “failure” of her first live event, to her motivation behind growing her business to 7 figures, to her daily practice of stretching.

Not yoga, mind you.  Like, 7th grade gym class stretching.

Not only was Laura sweet enough to talk with me in the middle of a move to London, but she also wanted ALL OF YOU to benefit.

Thus, a sneak peak!  A freebie! 

40 entire minutes of me quizzing Laura on willpower and her habits and making awesome happen!

Author insert a music with WS Audio Player.
(Download) this music.

If you like what you hear, there are 6 additional interviews included when you join me for The Willpower Council.

Yes, oh yes.  Can’t wait to meet you on the 29th!

XOXO

p.s.  I’m in Maui right now, so if I’m slow to respond on Twitter or you get an email from my assistant, you’ll know why!

On Limitless Possibility

Your life has no boundaries, darling.  The sooner you understand that truth, the sooner you’ll be able to bask in the freedom of limitless possibility.

Yes, there will be personal priorities you’ll want to consider as you craft your life, but the doors are flung open to happiness. There are numerous paths to flourishing and you may choose any of them.

Your ability to appreciate what is and dream about what is possible sets the tone for your intentional life. 

(click to tweet that gem)

Stop limiting yourself to what seems realistic. Stop walking the tightrope of convention.

Stop counting yourself out before you even stand up and raise your hand.

As En Vogue said back in the day,

“Free your mind and the rest will follow.”

 

On Inspiration

You don’t need to be famous or rich or powerful to inspire us.

You don’t need to be saving the world, or protesting for change, or writing masterpieces.

You don’t need to create the next hot iPhone app or be on the cover of Fast Company or land that VP job.

(I mean, if you want to do any of the above, go for it! But it’s not a necessity for inspiration.)

You can inspire us in little ways every day. 

It can be in the kindness you show a stranger. It can be in the warmth of your hug. It can be the love you share with a child, the beauty you paint in that mural, the care with which you prepare dinner.

Your attitude, your grace, your enthusiasm, your compassion — all the pieces that make you YOU — they are the inspiration.

There is nothing more incredible than a woman owning her truth, fulfilling her own desires, and choosing joy.

Day in and day out.

On Saying Yes to Both

No one wants to live a half-assed life, full of regret and settling.  No one wants to hold themselves back with limits or hold themselves down by believing they have nothing worthwhile to share.

If you’re feeling half-assed about your life — there are two things to do.

• Change your attitude about your current reality
• Change your current reality

The sweet part? They are both completely within your control.

Say yes to limitless possibility.

Say yes to inspiring us.

Say a

HELL YES

to intentional, joyful, authentic living.

Believe in the probability of it all, sugar.

You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

XOXO

(photo credit via studio bomba)

Bubble baths, pedicures, massages, a sweet treat — all self-loving activities you think of when you think of self care, no?

After all, aren’t those sweet rituals proof of care?

Of loving yourself?

They are.

But when “self-care” turns into nights spent curled on the couch with cupcakes watching entire seasons of old shows, you may be walking a fine line.  When the delicious solo glass of wine on the porch turns into the bottle and late night ex-texting, you’ve thrown your care under the bus.  When rewarding yourself with a shopping trip becomes the only way to lift your spirits, your pampering is becoming dangerous.

When caring for yourself turns into distracting or numbing or avoiding, it’s time to pause.  It’s time to check in with yourself — what are you really craving in those moments?

Ask yourself, ”What do I really need?

Do I need comfort or care?”

When you need comfort — you’re craving warmth, pleasure, a break.

Treat yourself with sweetness and follow your body’s yearning for “feeling  good.”

A hot bath?  A glass of wine? A bear hug from your partner?  A square of dark chocolate?  A quesadilla with homemade guacamole?  Sex? A TV show? An early bedtime?  A pedicure? A snuggle with your kiddo?

You are soothing yourself from a stressful day.  

You are comforting yourself after a hard conversation with your boss.  You are pampering yourself after a week of doing everything for everyone else. You are rewarding yourself for reaching a goal.

The comforting acts themselves are neither bad nor good.  The intention behind them is the place where comfort separates from distraction, numbing or avoidance.

When you need care — you’re craving self-respect, connection, alignment.

Treat yourself with kindness and honor your strengths and values.  Follow your heart’s yearning for “doing good.”

Write in your journal? Swim laps? Have a soulful chat with your best friend?  Create something? Declare your gratitude? Take yourself on a walk outside?  Go to yoga?  Cook a beautiful meal?  Gaze at the stars? Say no? Say yes?  Have the conversation you’ve been avoiding? Meditate? Get lost in your favorite hobby?  Dance?  Take the first step of your crazy goal? Write a thank you note? Call your mama? Get organized?

You are honoring your highest held values.  

You are making choices that may not be convenient or easy, but are in line with your true self. You are respecting your right to be happy, to be fulfilled, to be present.

There is a moment of choice where you can make a deliberate decision:

CARE OR COMFORT?

(click to tweet that moment of choice)

Both are necessary!

Give yourself what you actually need.  Practice tuning into your cravings.

Sometimes we get so used to comforting ourselves, we skip right to the sugar when what we really need is to take a walk.  The TV can become so habitual that we don’t even realize that writing a blog post is what actually feels better at 9 pm.  We’re so practiced at rewarding ourselves with a massage, that we don’t even consider that a painting class might feel like more of a treat.

And gorgeous?  If you’ve been sliding into the land of distraction, numbness, excessive soothing at the expense of your values — there’s no point in beating yourself up.  Practice some self compassion and let today be the “reset” button.  If the comfort has been gaining crazy momentum, make a different choice now.  Today.  Tonight.

I know you can do it.

(And you can always shout out my Facebook wall if you need some extra encouragement!) 

XOXO

p.s.  Registration for our Willpower Council (a 21 day exploration of Willpower, Rituals/Habits and Self-Compassion) opens April 15th.  Get ready!!  I confirmed a few more awesome babes for the Interviews last week…

I’ve been attending these amazing monthly events here in San Luis Obispo — New Moon Women’s Circles.  So far, they have been a combination of yoga, intention writing, meditation, deep sharing, tea drinking, raw chocolate eating, bath salt mixing and essential oil smearing.

Total woo woo lovefests.
Exactly what I was craving when I arrived in January.

And when you move to a new town without a single friend, gatherings of women are essential in the slow, sweet process of making friends.

The purpose of these New Moon Circles are to embrace the womanly connection between the moon cycles and our bodies, and to share space as we set our intentions for the new month ahead.

Tawny, the owner of the yoga studio and our compassionate ceremony leader, says the inspiration comes from the ancient practice of women gathering in commune during their periods.   Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent (read it if you haven’t — I have adored it forever!) is a beautiful novel telling the story of this ritual where women would be segregated to a “red tent” during their menstrual cycles.

Together the gathering of women would share space, tell stories, laugh and cry.

They were considered wise and magical during these times.

(Who doesn’t want to be considered wise and magical during their period? So much better than crabby and highly emotional!)

I feel lucky to have this monthly time to center, to stay inspired, to share celebrations and challenges with women whom I am just getting to know.

It’s soft and lovely and calming.

R…e…l…a…x…i…n…g.

P…r…e…c…i…o…u…s.

S…l…o…w.

As I was gazing at the almost full moon tonight, I realized I needed a counterpoint to the New Moon of reflection.  I’m pretty in touch with my calm, centered, loving spirit right now.

What I’m craving now?

Something wild.  Succulent.  Chest-thumping.

I need a Full Moon Ritual.

Something that is not soft nor lovely nor calming.

I need a practice that will connect me with my wild child, my wolf mama, the sexy goddess that resides in each of us.

If the New Moon is the perfect time to turn inward,

The Full Moon is a time to rock and roll, to push boundaries, to dive headfirst into the embers, the surf, the divine.

(click to tweet that saucy statement)

What do you say, gorgeous?  Ready for some Full Moon Fever?

You can blame the aftermath on me, of course.

There have been times in my life when I have felt very connected with my joyful wild woman fully-expressed self — the free spirit who loves to go puddle-jumping, who has a weakness for belly laughing at inopportune moments, who stands up for what she knows is right, who swears by weekly skinny dipping, who writes poetry on the bus, who always takes the scary cemetery dares, who freely speaks her mind, and who buys bright magenta pants, leopard print coats and crazy sunglasses.

Sometimes I still feel that way, but not often enough.

I absolutely love my life at the moment, but the sweet routine of work, Big Man and Max, and exploring the Central Coast in all its hiking, wine tasting, small town glory can feel a bit staid when I compare it to backpacking around the world or living out of our car or being a free-wheeling 23 year old.

Instead of dwelling in comparison land where I romanticize my past — I am doing something about my cravings. I am giving weight to my free spirit desires.

I am dedicating one night a month to wildness, to adventure, to trying something brand new.

So Tribe, I am starting a ritual of Full Moon Fever!

It’s a night to go a bit wild, to let our hair down, to howl in the company of other live-out-loud spirits.

Who’s in?

(click to share your declaration of Full Moon Fever)

What are you going to do to let your inner crazy out?  To turn up the volume?  To be ridiculously playful?

What are you going to do to try something entirely brand new and nerve-racking?

I’m still brainstorming exactly what this Full Moon will hold for me, but so far my ideas are dying my hair platinum, making an artsy video and sharing it with the world, poetry busking downtown or in a park, doing the “Free Hug” sign thing, taking an aerial or ropes class, getting another tattoo, skinnydipping in the Pacific, exploring the nearby ghost town at night, or renting a convertible and driving it for hours wearing a sexy dress and huge sunglasses.

 Just as I’ve marked the rest of the New Moon Circles in my calendar for the remainder of the year, I will be marking down the rest of the Full Moons for merrymaking, trouble rousing and boundary pushing.

Join me, wild one?

I would love to hear what you’re going to do on this (or the next) Full Moon!

XOXO

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection she writes, “Without exception, every person I interviewed who described living a joyful life or who described themselves as joyful, actively practiced gratitude and attributed their joyfulness to their gratitude practice.  And both joy and gratitude were described as spiritual practices that were bound to a belief in human interconnectedness and a power  greater than us.”

As I was rereading the chapter about the connection between joy, gratitude and vulnerability, I found this quote:

 Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. –Marianne Williamson  

This is what I believe. Absolutely.

Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop or remaining convinced our joy will disappear the moment we acknowledge it, we need to be grateful as hell for all the wonder, victories, small moments and grace in our life.

So how do you practice gratitude, outside of the nightly gratitude journal or blessings list?  Here are some new ideas!

9 New Ways to Practice Gratitude

(click here to tweet this list)

1. Keep a Daily Calendar of Gratitude

Instead of keeping a traditional gratitude journal — create a daily calendar that you update each year with one thing for which you are grateful.  Each year adds another layer of thankfulness and allows you to savor your past.

2. Mark Anniversaries with Milestones & Predictions

On your wedding or work anniversary, your birthday or any other momentous occasion — start a new tradition.  Write a letter celebrating the highlights of your year and your predictions for the next year.  Seal the letter and open it together on your next anniversary.

My husband and I have done this since we were dating and have a stack of envelopes to reread each year. (We still don’t own a sail boat, but according to our predictions, it’s coming!)

3. Share Gratitude at the Dinner Table

Grace is lovely as well, but if you’re gathering a mix of people with different beliefs, sharing one “gratitude” from that day or week is a beautiful way to connect before you share a meal.  I love doing this every night, not just at dinner parties or Thanksgiving.

4. Express your Thankfulness for the Hard Stuff

We all know life can be messy.  Instead of regretting your mistakes or remaining caught up in the ways you were wronged, take a moment to think about what the challenges have taught you.  What can you be grateful for?  What lessons have you learned?  What do you now know about yourself?  How have the hardships served you?

5. Thank the People behind the Service

Every day there are people in the background of our life — the barista, the public groundsman, the grocer, the banker.  Take a minute to ask their name and then sincerely thank them for the ease they bring to your life. Without them, would you be able to do what you do?  I think not.

(I know I could never function without someone caffeinating me!)

Show some gratitude for the human beings who make your life run smoothly.

6. Write a Letter of Gratitude

Have a teacher, coach, co-worker, old friend or mentor who has made a difference in your life?  When is the last time you told them?  Sit down and write a handwritten note of thanks for the difference they have made in your life.  Bonus points if you can deliver it and read it out loud to them!

7. Start Girl Time with Celebrations not Bitching

It’s such a nice feeling to trust your gal pals with your crazy boss stories or hideous date experiences… But before you dive into the complaints and snark, make a sincere effort to share the highlights of your last week.  It’s not bragging, it’s sharing the positive experiences that mattet to you so that you can celebrate together.

8. Say “Thank You” for the Mundane

Sometimes we get so used to our partner, our mama or our kids doing the things they’ve always done — making breakfast, taking the trash out, sending us surprise packages, dressing themselves in the morning — that we forget to appreciate these small gestures.  Don’t take those tiny moments for granted! Start with a small, specific and frequent, “Thank you.”

9. Appreciate a Force Bigger than Yourself

Next time you are outside, instead of checking your iPhone or rushing to get back to your real life — enjoy the moment.  Raise your face to the sky and give thanks to the Universe that has created snowflakes, streaks of sunshine that make their way between skyscrapers, sunny beaches, forests full of pine trees, autumn leaves or gently rushing streams.  Nature is an incredible presence that we can easily overlook.

Exercise your gratitude muscle by offering a quick prayer of thanks to something greater than yourself.

———————————————-

What expressions of gratitude do you practice?

What other suggestions do you have?  I want to hear them!

XOXO

(photo credit: rituals board on pinterest)

I used to find myself dreamily thinking about being “done” with some project or period in my life and then — finally, finally — having space and time for all the other things I wanted to be doing.

Sometimes it wasn’t dreamy thinking, it was urgent.

Desperate, even.

When I’m done settling into our new city…
When I’m done redesigning this site…
When I’m done being pregnant…

When I’m done, then I will…

The possibilities were endless.

Start my morning meditation practice again.
Go to yoga 4 times a week.
Rewrite my manifesta, retool my signature course, start blogging again.
Purchase the proper size bras.
Commit to eating unprocessed foods.
Have more creative morning sex.

All things I was craving.

All things I wasn’t choosing.

Instead I was waiting to be done.

Waiting to be finished with the challenges on my plate before I took on new ones because I wanted a definitive line drawn in the sand. I wanted to check off the boxes of “I have moved” and “My website is 100% functional and perfect” and “My boobs have returned to their pre-baby size” before diving into my desires.

I wanted to brush my hands clean of my current period of messiness and transition before I added new bits of magic.

I didn’t want to poison my “future best self” with remnants of the previous, less enlightened, more harried, slightly frazzled, in-desperate-need-of-some-hair-color, current version of myself.

I wanted my clean slate, damn it.

And then one day — the earth-shaking, yet simplistic truth revealed itself to me.

In the midst of another move, and more business change, and getting up in the middle of the night to soothe and feed a tiny human, and trying to make new friends again, and working with more clients than I’d ever had with less time than before — I realized I would never be done.

I would never be done.

We are never done.

I may have cried a bit in exhaustion, but my heart lifted with the understanding that this is what it means to be a human with a messy, thriving, beautifully full life.

There will never be a period of everything in its proper place: the family perfectly nourished, the emails all answered, the fridge stocked, the house cleaned, the friends soulfully caught up with, the self-care batting 100%, the messiness thwarted, the tiredness conquered, the daily beauty revelled.

Such a place of “done” doesn’t exist for me.

It probably doesn’t exist for you.

I finally understood what this quote meant through the lens of my life.

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” –Alfred D’Souza

When I look at my life as a series of adventures, of fullness, of shifting priorities as things come and go — I realize that done is a mythical unicorn.  Magical and elusive, but not reality.  And for gods sake — what would I actually do with a unicorn?  If I am ever truly “done” I’ll either be bored out of my mind or dead.

So, what do I do with all my desires?

I find a way to give my cravings life within my current reality or I release them.

If I want to do something and feel too busy/stressed/tapped/overwhelmed, I need to do it (insert magical word!) anyway.

I need to go to yoga anyway.  Have more crazy morning sex anyway.  Buy the bras, sit in meditation, rewrite my manifesta anyway.  I need to respond to emails, start writing blogs, revive my newsletter anyway.

Not when I’ve hit a mystical place of space and time.

Do it now.

In spite of everything else.

There is no done and there are no perfect conditions.  And that’s okay.

(Click to tweet that gem!)

I have my ideal rituals and things that make it easier, but it’s better to do something than nothing.  I will now run to the coffee shop for 35 minutes to write, instead of insisting that I need three hours.  I will go to yoga earlier or later than normal because it isn’t going to happen otherwise.  I just bought one bra that fits properly instead of investing in an entirely new lingerire wardrobe.

If we’re constantly waiting for things to be ideal before we can start, we are going to be waiting a very long time.

Life is an overlapping experience.

There are not a lot of truly clean slates or fresh starts or lines drawn in the sand.

Today is the day to start anything.  To do the work. To make the choice.

Today is the day to prioritize your desires.

Today is the day to stop planning to begin, and simply begin.

We are never done.

And that’s a beautiful thing.

XOXO

p.s.

Ready to add something incredible to your plate?  How about 8 weeks of full access branding training with Ash Ambirge of the Middle Finger Project and  Nicole Ross and Jamie Varon of Shatterboxx?  Magnetic Copy + Explosive Design with some of the sassiest and most successful Gen Y ladies I know.  Done and Done.  Use my link to purchase the course (starting at just $199 through Friday) and I’ll throw in a free Q & A call with me about online community building! I’ll be sharing the secrets of exclusive inclusivity and picking the appropriate size fish for the pond you want to swim in…  Forward me your paypal reciept and I’ll send details about the call!

20 finalists.

20 stories of bold, beautiful transition.

Thousands of votes.

One winner.

Let’s high five, group hug, and toast the wonderful Skyler McCurine who was won bragging rights, tons of love,  and the $500 cash prize for being the winner of the Stratejoy Essay Contest!

Wanna know a little bit more about Skyler? So did we. We had a little meeting on the interwebz and asked her a few juicy questions that helped us get to know more details about our lovely winner.

How long have you been a member of the Stratejoy Tribe?

The past few months, I have good friends that have met Molly and have been encouraging me to form a strategic alliance. A few weeks before the contest started I had a rally of colleagues cheering “Skyler, Skyler, Skyler!!! Do it!”

What’s your favorite post that you’ve read on Stratejoy?

I actually wrote a commentary piece about the 10 Ways to Date Yourself. As a single woman venturing through the world and the sometimes terrible men in it (lol), it’s important to have cojones. You have to fall madly in love with yourself, date yourself, treat yourself the way a sincere gentlemen would. Also there was an article about comparing yourself to people on the internet (I can’t find the title of it) but I found it literally five minutes after I was crying comparing my life to my Facebook friends, feeling behind, single, and a little overweight. That article was so true, we create a virtual facade about how happy we are and only share the beauty and hide the fear,  insecurities, and sadness. Meaning, the people I was legally stalking aren’t perfect.

What will you be spending your $500 prize on?

I am a gutsy woman in transition, how fitting that Stratejoy and I found each other. This money is going to my Better Business Bureau Membership and the rest in savings!

What’s your favorite Molly-ism? (That’s the name we give to the little quotes and sayings that are Molly originals that she has. )

I repeatedly peruse the Quarter Life Crisis page and send it to all of my hot mess 20 something friends. (LOL). People often joke about the QLC, but it is real, and hard, and no one prepares you for it. I always found solace and comfort in the recognition that I’m not alone and that what I was feeling was very real. Sooo, my favorite Molly-ism is:

Quarter Life Crisis, The term might be silly, but the process of growth is anything but.

If you could give your pre-transitional self 2 sentences of advice, what would it be?

You will do it but you must be patient and when you have accomplished your heart’s deepest desires, your tumultuous journey, heartaches, and rough times will show the world that you are credible. Remember, Oprah Winfrey didn’t get an Emmy over night. Also, don’t go to Jack in Box as much (haha).

What little morsel of advice would you give ANY woman in ANY kind of transition right now?

I was working on a proposal that was slowly drowning me, I was so overwhelmed with everything I had to do and worrying how in the hell I would pull it off. My colleague came over to me and asked “how do you eat an elephant”. I threw my hands up and said “I don’t know how” (expecting a silly popsicle stick joke) and she lovingly said “one bite at a time”. Your life, your transition, your dreams, goals, whatever they may be will come to fruition but it happens in little bits, small nibbles. Be patient with life and yourself. In retrospect it all fits together, that clarity is so hard to find betwixt the turmoil but trust that fate has you where you are meant to be.

Congratulations again to Skyler, our finalists, and everyone who entered the Stratejoy Essay Contest. We heart you all!

Just in case you missed it, here is Skyler’s winning essay:

“Introducing the class of 2008!” I marched proudly across the graduation stage, eagerly aware of my reflection being broadcast via jumbo-tron to the thousands of proud parents in the audience, including my own. As I shook the dean’s hand and got hold

of the diploma that I had worked so hard for, I could literally feel a change and shift from my pilgrimage across the stage. I pictured my life as a full blown bad-mamma jamma with her dream job of 60k a year and a wooden floored loft with bay windows and sky lights was waiting for me on the other side of that platform. Little did I know that as I crossed the stage, it was more like walking the plank. I was transitioning from naive

college bliss where my biggest worry was what I would wear to Friday night’s theme party into reality. I crossed the stage stepping into the daunting unfamiliar, aka the quarter life crisis.

The evolution from college student to working adult is like a transition from theory to practice, dream to fruition, and of course tax-free to paying citizen. I feared what this grand shift would mean. I wondered “How will I be a contributing member of society?”, “Will I ever have autonomy?”, and graduating in the worst economy since the roaring 20s, “Will I even find a job?” Jiminy Cricket, what the hell did I get myself into? Finally understanding why my brothers took years to graduate, the super senior methodology became more appealing at the rising of each sun.

Shortly before graduation I fell madly in love with an inanimate object: a red balloon. I once watched my favorite television character prance across the Brooklyn bridge with a dozen red balloons, her strut oozing sensuality, confidence, pride and a strong sense of self. That image stuck with me. Little did I know that a red balloon would be the answer to my quarter life hysteria. I started receiving red balloons as gifts at parties and birthdays. Pretty soon they took on a life of their own. I started seeing them all the time, serendipitously, when I needed them the most. Then one day, my fate was sealed and the ticket out of my awkward transition was sent first class via a sign from above. I was having a minor freak out in my beat up car, a case of the “mean reds” (as Holly Golightly refers to in Breakfast At Tiffany’s), a panic wondering what my calling was. Betwixt the fall of the first stinging tear, a little girl in the car in front of me let go of one red balloon. It was that very moment, right there that defined the next few years of my life.

I reflected back to my stint in retail providing (too honest) customer service at a major department store. I was talked down to for sending customers elsewhere for better deals and a better fit. I HATED the sales aspect but loved those intimate moments when I was able to help women feel utterly beautiful. We have all experienced the defeat that comes from the dressing room. We have all seen women walk in hopeful and walk out as if they have witnessed a tragedy (it’s just their own cellulite, saddle bags, and muffin top looking back in the mirror). I loved being able to wipe the blur and occasional tear from my clienteles’ eyes to remind them that they were, indeed, BE-YOU-tiful and that you can be fabulous at any age and in any body frame. It was why I started Le Red Balloon, a comprehensive styling service that coaches through kindness and compassion.

The tumultuous past few years, years of transition, emotional stretching and challenges has given me the drive to continue Le Red Balloon (LeRedBalloon.com). My business is the manifestation and extension of my true self; it’s an extension of all the love I have within. I revitalize my client’s sense of self through their wardrobe. I have finagled the ability to fuse my love of red balloons and encouraging others into a business.

The transition from graduation and dreamer to Corporate America and realist revealed what my true passion is: making women feel beautiful. I have learned what I’m really made of: sugar, spice, style, tenacity and a dollop of gumption. I have learned that I can handle much more than I thought I could and when I was cursing the high heavens, in retrospect, I realize that transition was the catalyst lighting the fire underneath me to continue, to thrive, and to share red balloons with the world.

You see, Le Red Balloon is the embodiment of my most authentic self.

Life is a string of transitions, revealing the spice, cojones, and in some cases, red balloons in us all. So, three snaps dahling. Remember you are utterly fabulous and when a rough transition stares you cold in the face, give it a kiss on the cheek and say thank you; it might just show you what you’re made of.

You can find Skyler on Twitter @leredballoon 

Dear Courageous One,

I know you have a secret dream, something bigger and bolder, something more precious, than you are attempting in your life right now.

Maybe it means making a huge change — a move, a relationship transition, a journey, an exodus from your social circle.  Maybe it means allowing your creative soul — the writer, painter, chef, photographer, teacher — to blossom, to share her take on the world with those desperate for a slice of beauty. Maybe it means sticking up for yourself, forgiving yourself, loving yourself on such unconditional terms that the idea scares you off before you even begin.

What are you afraid of, my love?

Are you scared that you will fail?

Scared that you’ll make a public declaration and then come up short?  That you’ll trip at the very top of those bright golden stairs you’ve climbed towards your dream and land back at the bottom, beaten up and beaten down?

Are you scared that you will succeed?  

Scared that you will transform your life in such a tectonic-plate-shifting jolt that those who love you won’t recognize you?  That you’ll outgrow the very people who have allowed you to take the leap?  That your inner values won’t align with the new, bigger, brighter self you’ve created?

Are you scared that you’ll make the wrong choice?  

Scared that years worth of effort and change and risk-taking will lead you in a circle, back to this same state of boredom or frustration, still chasing that elusive north star of fulfillment?  That the instant you choose — make the big move, embark on the hard conversation, leave the job, ditch the partner — you’ll suddenly regret it?  That you’ll long for the old you with your old life, the gentle discontent that may be numbing, but is at least familiar?

I wish I could promise you that your fears will never come to light.

I wish I could promise that you are safe from discomfort, that your journey will be easy and fruitful, that your loved ones will support you every step of that way, that your choices will not hurt anyone and that you’ll experience the perfect level of success for you in each moment.

I really wish I could, sweet pea.

But this is life.

Real life.

And I’m going to venture a guess that at least one of your fears will probably come true.

Will your fear realized be as earth shattering as you imagine?  

No. Your fears like to puff themselves up to hold you back.

Will your fear realized mean that you’ll regret making the move on your secret and sacred dream?

No. Even tiny whispers of ideas crave actualization for one precious moment, no matter the eventual outcome.  You are more likely to regret the things you didn’t do than the things you did.

Will your fear realized throw you into a never-ending tailspin, unable to move on?

Hell no.

You are a capable woman and can handle what life throws at you. I say this without a doubt.

Understanding that your fears will not slay you is the motivation of forward movement.

(Click to Tweet that Gem!)

I know you want to be that woman who listened to her heart and took the chance.

You are that woman.

I know you want to be that woman who makes choices that allow her to be proud, choices that honor her strength, that allow for vulnerability, that set an aligned example for the other women in her life.

Listen to me — you are that woman.

You are that woman.

We are all scared.  We are all fearful.  The moment of choice is when you let your fear — your nervous edge, your butterflies, your sweating palms — help you.  Help you take the leap.  Help you put in the work.  Help you have the scary conversation, make the call, write the story, leave the situation, draw the line.

Don’t let those fears paralyze you. They are common. They are normal. They are part of the experience. Each and everyone your heroes — the superstars, the gurus, the awarded, the multimillion dollar successes, the driven — know exactly how you’re feeling.

Live boldly, honey.

Own your courage in the face of your fear.

I’m with you every step of the way.

XOXO,