Yes, it’s about external evolution! And it’s also about internal evolution — being a “big feeler” dealing with pandemic exhaustion + an existential crisis + a country rolling back our human rights while the world literally burns up. What does that all mean for my day-to-day + for my work + for our community? How do I handle the gobs of uncertainty that have become my constant companion?

How do I EVOLVE from all of this, not end up a numb, overwhelmed, sweatpant-clad 40something surrounded by useless shit I bought off Instagram ads?

I compiled/wrote the first 2 pieces of this 3 part series back in November 2021 and the 3rd piece in July of 2022.

XO
MM

1/3 Destruction: Behind the Scenes

If you follow along with my personal IG account — you know that change is happening in my world but I’ve been hesitant to share any real details. And you also know that I’ve been having very strong reactions to it all for the last year…

The short version:

“We bought an old Church in Montana! There’s a mysterious 2 year plan that means we’re leaving California! Reclamation is only 3 months long next year! I may quit the Internet forever! I’m currently in the middle of a destruction-mode OMFG WHAT HAVE WE DONE freakout!

I mean, no surprise, right? The foreshadowing has been quite clear…

APRIL 2021. Taking a breather from the shitshow of the last 1.5 weeks to exhale a really loud AHHHHHHH. It’s definitely more than … But quick note to self – Beauty is everywhere. Growth is hard, but it’s also necessary. Mistakes will be made. But joy is possible in my messy world. Choose the JOY. Keep choosing the JOY.

JUNE 2021. Roadtrip Day Whatever.   We made it. All the feels including complete overwhelm, nostalgia, homecoming + exhaustion. Yes – we bought this 1890 Church site unseen during the pandemic thanks to Mary’s mastermind planning.   No – we are not 100% sure what we are doing with it. For now? 3 weeks in Helena while we try to figure it out. No pressure, right? Really grateful for my steady husband who grounds my wild emotional swings + holds “possibility vision” with the best of them.

AUGUST 2021. I was scared of falling into another dip (my word for depression lite) this summer because that’s what happened last summer… And although there were challenges being “on the road” for over two months – my heart felt lit up on adventures + stellar company + immense gratitude for the abundance of help we received.

Things that were good? I started talking openly about our 2 year plan + dosed up on vitamin D + had a lot of one-on-one deep talk time with friends I love + spent entire days playing in nature + kept my morning journal routine strong + stayed sober + talked to lots of strangers + slept a ton even if that meant missing out on late night festivities + gave myself plenty of dedicated working time for Reclamation. I’m sure there are a million other factors that helped keep the dip at bay, but we are headed home today + I am feeling JOY.

OCTOBER 2021. Golden Thread in Action this weekend. And yup – it’s the last day to sign up for Reclamation Essentials via Early Bird, friends. It may be my only online offering in 2022 — an epic celebration + exploration of the work I’ve been doing the last 5 years. 3 months of unpacking your Authenticity, the Expectations you are carrying, and the Purpose you’re are here to embody.

Here for it? Me toooooooo.

NOVEMBER 2021. Reminding myself that tomorrow will be another day to begin again. Rough one over here! Frog   belly eyes and all. All is fine — just a very dramatic middle-of-destruction-mode “WTF are we doing, this is never going to work” freak out kicked off by a (hopefully mistaken) surprise giant ass IRS bill. But dosed up on some vitamin D at the beach with the littles this afternoon and will try again tomorrow! That’s really all I ask of myself these days. Feel your feelings, try not to make any rash decisions, stay sober, and go the fuck to bed!

—————————————–

First a few things to know…

It’s starting to get confusing trying to share in drips + drops. I’m 100% a person who would rather have you just know all my business in real time because that feels simple to me. Like, lay it out there + deal with it, because it is what it is, even though the online world keeps telling me, “Don’t talk about “stuff” when you’re in it — only AFTER the fact so the good stuff looks magical + effort-free OR you can tie a shiny bow of lessons learned on the shitty stuff.”

But in this case — I’m both IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THE CHOSEN STUFF + I haven’t been able to share in real time about all of it.

So much of what is coming is dependent on a million other things happening beforehand… And honestly? There are some things that aren’t mine to tell.

And yes, I get nervous that I’ll change my mind about what I want + look flakey. Like a failure? Like someone who dreams big + then can’t back it up?

I get nervous that you’ll make assumptions about what’s going on that aren’t true. I get nervous you’ll judge me for making changes that affect our community + your plans. I get nervous that complaining about my privileged life (hurrah for a household of 2 entrepreneur incomes + location freedom) will turn you off because I should just be grateful + shut the fuck up about wanting something different…

But I can’t control any of that!

All I can do is live my life in a way that feels in integrity, while I embrace my values of adventure + joy. All I can do is trust that getting quiet (LIKE REALLY QUIET) to listen to my heart + impossible dreams reminds you that you’re allowed to do it too.

And because I know that The Holiday Council is fast approaching — I feel like it’s time to get you caught up on the whole “WTF is going on” story so you understand what I mean when I claim DESTRUCTION on the Cycle of Years framework.

And I will.  Next love letter…

Like Juliet said to me this morning when I wrestled the library book out of her hand so she would get her butt in the car, “But it’s a hiff clanger, Mama!”

So it is, my friend. A big ‘ol hiff clanger.

More from me soon, promise.

XO
MM

2/3 The Unrest Was Already Brewing: Behind the Scenes

If you read my Holiday Council notes + comments closely last year, the current of Unrest was very clear. (Unrest is the stage before Destruction!)

And hell! I was posting about it publicly during the Fall of 2020…

“I’m 100% confident I will cycle back up to a state of hope + find the shift in perspective that allows me to practice finding “joy in the messy world.” (Who recognizes that old tagline?! ) But for now, in the swampiness + gap, I am honoring my shadow + my ugly. And I’m cool with it because I’ve been here often enough in my life to trust that unrest births truer + more poignant alignment for my next season of life. Like a phoenix…

Burn it up + out, baby!

If you happen to be in the swamp, I welcome your company. If you’re on the bank of hope + perspective shift, I welcome your inspiration. If you have no clue where in this imaginary landscape you happen to be, I wish you a moment of quiet to check in with yourself + a deep breath to honor what you find out.”

“Some days we are so afraid that we’re not enough. That we’ll never find peace within our bodies, our parenting, our relationships, our never-ending list of adulting tasks, our desire to do good + be happy.

In the dark of the night, we worry that we lack in some essential way that means we will never be loved in the way we want to be loved. That we will never be seen in the way we want to be seen. That we will never have the impact we want to have on our world. We convince ourselves that all our dreams will remain forever out of reach. That we can’t ask for help. That we will always feel alone. That it won’t ever get better. That we’re broken in a way that others just aren’t.

There’s nothing wrong with you if your shadow voices say those kinds of things to you.

My shadows say the same shit to me!

And those shadows capitalize on depression, on anxiety, on social isolation, on the fatigue of a world steeped in systemic injustice, on the current state of global pandemic, on entire states on fire.

Here’s my take on dealing with those shadow voices, sweet friend — observe them, dance with them, get super sweaty with them, scream about it in the solitude of your car or your pillow, throw an epic temper tantrum. Bring those fears, those worries, those frustrations out into the light of awareness in your journal, with your safe people or with your therapist

Or you know, the entire internet if you’re like me…

Feel those Feelings.
Feel Them Feel Them Feel Them Feel Them.”

“Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t pretend no one will understand. Don’t enter the loop of judging your own feelings validity or acceptability. Don’t hold back when your friends check on you because you don’t want to bring them down. Don’t gloss over your big feels with fake gratitude or continually distract yourself with productivity or numb yourself out.

Or maybe I should say — do all those as needed because you are human + sometimes we need a break from the big feels + there’s nothing wrong with productivity or emotional eating or social media or positive affirmations or radio silence.

It’s the getting lost in those avoidance mechanisms that’s dangerous!

We all know that our feelings aren’t THE TRUTH (cause hey! hormones + sleep deprivation + trauma patterns + astrological shit + brain chemistry) but I also truly believe that the only way out of our messy feelings is through…

And yup, this is totally a personal update to tell you I’m slowly crawling my way out of the Swamp! Shoreline + sunshine + potential destruction here I come…”

“Slowly crawling out of the swamp! Being bolstered by noon Sit + Shakes, 4 pm get out of the house dates — garden Tuesdays, beach Wednesdays, and Hiking Thursdays — and dreaming (aka Zillow porn) about the mountains. Only way out is through..”

Destruction here I come…

During that whole period, I knew in my heart that it was time for something NEW, but I wasn’t sure what NEW was… I knew it was time for the next season of my life to emerge, but I wasn’t sure what was actually next…

(THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF UNREST! Nothing’s “wrong” exactly, but it’s not exactly right either.)

I journaled + I hiked + I cried + I made a hell of a lot of gratitude art trying to get to the bottom of it.

Was it my marriage? Nope.

(I mean, there’s always room for deepening + expanding desire, but Ken is my beloved, chosen partner + I make that choice everyday.)

Was it my kids? Hahaha, nope.

(Not that there is much I could do if it was! But I’m 100% certain I’m meant to be a mother in this lifetime, so we’re solid here.)

Was it my business? I didn’t want it to be, so I noped this one.

(Things were running smoothly, as planned + I get to spend a majority of my working time doing things I LOVE. I was tired, but so was everyone else.)

So what was left?
Our home, our community, our choice to be in California.

Hmmmmmm.

We’ve been in California since 2011 and in this Shell Beach house since late 2014. We’ve built deep friendships, fallen in love with the ocean, immersed ourselves in the stunning nature + food +  weather + great neighbors, welcomed my mom here 5 years ago, and landed our kids in the most amazing elementary school.

And while I love it here, the continued slog of the pandemic just emphasized that I was also a bit bored. I blame it fully on my Enneagram 7 novelty seeking self who thrives on adventure… But because Ken + I both work for ourselves online — we have FULL control over where we live + I’m always accurately aware of this fact.

We chose to move here without knowing a soul + it was starting to become clear we could choose to leave. There are other places I love too! Other communities of humans I adore! And I’ve had some deep cravings for winter. And a house with a bit more space for my growing kiddos.

So a year ago — as I was crawling out of the swamp — we started burning it all down after many, many conversations about what kind of life/family/legacy we wanted to create.

Ken + I did all the math + decided we could leave CA, but keep this darling beach house + rent it out. We bought the Church in Helena site unseen for our future selves.  We resurrected our dream of living abroad with the kids. We decided we could lower our cost of living dramatically so I could rest + regroup.

I’m still not 100% sure what is “next next” – but I do know that if I sit still + stuck, I stagnate – so we throwing a bunch of arrows + seeing what sticks!

The mysterious 2 year plan?

• We are moving to our cabin in Index, Washington over the holidays. 34 days to go before we pack up our Honda CRV + drive north!
• We’re hunkering down for our kids’ very first winter +  working while they finish up the school year in WA. I’ve got the Holiday Council, Reclamation Essentials from February – April, and Camp in June on my Stratejoy plate. And then? I’m taking a work sabbatical for as long as it takes to figure out what’s next.
• We’re going sailing in Croatia in August, hiking in the Alps in September, spending the fall in Italy, and early winter in Thailand. Kids will be unschooling + I’ll be doing whatever the hell I feel like doing.
• Most likely, we’ll be back to WA for the winter + I’ll host Holiday Council 2022 for us.
• Then, we’re off to Central America for 6ish months. More unschooling for the kiddos, writing (novel? Stratejoy book?) for me, and Spanish language immersion for all. I’m pretty sure Ken wants to spend all his time fishing + surfing…
• Finally, we’ll land back in my hometown of Helena, Montana in time for the 2023/2024 school year. Potentially in a renovated Church… Potentially on some mountain acreage…  Still figuring out how/if we can swing the finances of this one, but the desire is clear.

Will everything work out perfectly as planned? Of course not. 

But I’m willing to risk that in order to embark on an adventure that lights me up. I’m willing to fail + adjust as needed in order to live a life that feels like mine. I’m willing to strip back major identities (successful entrepreneur! responsible saver! minivan soccer mama!) in order to evolve into the next version of me.

I’m willing to chance regret for beauty hunting, for collecting memories, for pushing my own definition of what’s allowed.

It’s not the right choice for everyone — but for now? For me? For us?

It’s our chance to explore the unknown potential of what’s next.

And yup! I’m terrified + excited, both.

More soon (3/3) about the questions I’m holding in my heart about my work + our community. About fear + commitment. About permission to change…

Thank you for letting me be my full, messy, big-dreaming, raw self in the middle of it all. Love you. Mean it.

XO
MM

3/3 The Pause (PreGrowth?): Behind the Scenes

I wrote those first 2 pieces in November and now it’s July! We are fully in the midst of the “2 Year Plan” — wrapping up our stay in Index + getting ready to leave for Croatia in a week.

Holy Shit. It’s happening.

My kids have been feral free-range bicycle-riding mountain children for the past 6 months, loving the freedom of a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. They survived changing schools, adored learning to snowboard, made a lot of money on Sunday lemonade stands, and found all the geocaches within a 20 mile radius. There was plenty of Minecraft + banging away on the keyboard + baking piles of sugar +  art messes + minnow catching + swimming in the freezing cold Skykomish river too.

They are ready to hit the road after us talking endlessly about it for 9 months… Me too for that matter!

I’ve been in awe of their resiliency. And grateful. Although I have a lot of mom guilt for leaving their incredible elementary school back in California, I know they are benefitting from a different kind of learning right now.

Ken worked his ass off for the past 6 months (on top of the last 20 years), crammed on a tiny desk in the corner of our cabin bedroom during the long grey days.  He set a goal 3 years ago to sell his email marketing agency by July 4th + HE DID IT!

His business sale was part of the “2 year plan” that I couldn’t really talk about as it was rolling out + honestly? I had no idea if it was actually going to happen. More than the money (significant, but not life-changing) — this sale buys him freedom. Freedom to travel for the next year. Freedom from being online/on meetings all day. Freedom to evolve into something new when we land in Helena a year from now!

I am so proud of him.

And me? I’m sick of checking off as many of my “To Dos” as I can each day in preparation for leaving — feels like my brain is stuffed full of booking flights/housing/last minute appointments + buying cabin supplies for our Airbnb renters + packing all our shit up for the 2rd time in 6 months + buttoning up Stratejoy  + ALL the things. It’s been this way since I got back from Camp + got over Covid…

Which is fine — it all needs to happen. It’s how the next year of travel adventure/sabbatical CAN happen!

But I am definitely craving time + space to think about the big questions around my work that got kicked up during this process of Evolution…

• Who am I now, in this season of my life? What am I willing to let go of? What am I open to allowing in?
• How do I feel about this industry (coaching? personal development?) overall? And my place within it?
• Do I need to make the same amount of money I am used to making? Am I willing to sacrifice other desires to do so?
• Is my focus on individual joy/reclamation causing more harm than help in the big scheme of things?
• Is there a way to participate in social media/content marketing even though I find it mostly toxic to my mental health?
• Am I willing to fail at something new? Am I willing to trust I might be good at something else?
• Does the world need something more from me right now? Do I care?
• How do I want to use my gifts? WTF even are my gifts?

I thought I might have more wise things to say by now — but really it’s just felt like a series of closures without many clues to what’s next…

It’s weird. I’ve had my fair share of intense scarcity freakouts. I recommitted to my sobriety, realizing that my favorite self is alcohol-free + attempting to moderate was causing me unnecessary mental anguish. I’m uncomfortable a lot of the time. Some days I wish I’d ignored all the unrest and just continued on without getting all “I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!”

But in reality, I’m glad.

Stagnant + stuck Molly is not fun for anyone — she gets super whiny + self-righteous + the bad kind of main-character-energy…

Even with the parts that have been hard + scary, I’m incredibly grateful for the ability to pause + rethink some things about how I’ve been working + mama-ing + wife-ing + just living. Also grateful to the extreme level of planner I am that make the whole logistics of this upcoming year possible! I’ve been saving for a few years to make the money work and booking months of accommodations + travel doesn’t scare me…

And even more than anything? I’m really happy with past me who chose “Live the question” as a goal this year.

I am ready to full on live all the questions.

From a sailboat! And the Dolomites! While eating pasta + drinking Crodino! On a Thai beach! In between language + surfing lessons! From the passenger side of an open air Jeep in the jungle!

I’ve got a new journal + I know how to use it…

I don’t know if I will be sending many email love letters until Holiday Council opens up for registration, but I will be posting/using my personal Instagram if you want to stay in touch. We’ll be sailing in Croatia for August, road-tripping in Italy during September + October, island hopping in Thailand for 6 weeks, and then spending next winter learning Spanish + getting back on our surfboards somewhere in Central America!

Thank you for being here for the journey – wherever it ends up taking me. 

Catch you on the flipside, sister.

XO
MM

The post This Is How You Evolve appeared first on Stratejoy.

“Ultimately the greatest service a woman can do to her community is to be happy; the degree of revolt and irresponsibility which she must manifest to acquire happiness is the only sure indication of the way things must change if there is to be any point in continuing to be a woman at all.”  — Germaine Greer

This quote gets me every time.

Why? In our world — being happy is an act of courage.

It takes courage to dream + it takes courage to pull off those dreams. It takes courage to stay focused + courage to begin again. It takes courage to tell the truth  + courage to know when things can slide for the greater good. It takes courage to initiate big change + courage to trust that everything will turn out okay.

But again, why? Because you can’t control life, no matter how hard you try. 

Being happy requires courage because amid the possibility, there are also huge heaps of uncertainty. With all the opportunity at your feet, there are also a bazillion chances to be overlooked or misunderstood.

Alongside the joy, there is also entrenched patriarchy + systemic oppression to face, choices to regret, personal failures to overcome, embarrassments to stew in, mistakes to sit with, unpredictable + uncontrollable disasters to suffer.

Like it or not, this is our world.

And sometimes in the midst of the doubt and the hurt and the overwhelming fear of what may come, you forget your strength. You forget your beauty + unique gifts. You forget your immense capability. You forget your ability to do hard things, to face hard truths, to find grace in the fissures, to choose happiness.

Instead, you spend your days doing anything possible to avoid fear.

Whether you spin in anxious circles or float on the surface of life in an attempt to dodge the depths — your life energy is tied up avoiding scary situations.

You make (unconscious) assumptions that avoiding fear — staying small, protecting yourself from being seen, not fighting injustices, living inside the prescribed box, avoiding hard change, being perfectly pleasing to everyone, fulfilling external assumptions — is easier than practicing courage with your life.

It’s not fucking easier.

When you let fear lead, you’re sabotaging the very spirit inside of you that is capable of courage.

When you let fear lead, you’re using socially acceptable armor of procrastination, perfectionism, self-criticism, apathy, busyness, or self-deprecating humor to avoid the uncertainty of life.

When you let fear lead, you’re missing out on the beauty, the opportunity, the joy, the chance to claim happiness.

You’re saying, “I’m too scared of the consequences. I’m too scared of what other people might think. I’m too scared to fail. I’m too scared to succeed. I’m too scared the grass won’t be greener on the other side. I’m too scared if I say it out loud it will become real. I’m too scared to disappoint my family. I’m too scared that I’ll go broke. I’m too scared I won’t be loveable. I’m too scared I’ll regret it. I’m too scared to look like an idiot.

I’m too scared to be brave, and thus happy, with my life.”

Here’s what I know.

Taking courageous action always teaches you something about yourself and the woman you are + the woman you want to be. 

Experimenting with your edge + claiming your happiness always shows you that you are more capable than you imagined. That you can do it. Or if it all blows up + you suffer failure, it proves that you can survive it!

Trusting your intuition by listening to the small whispers of desire or discontentment always strengthens your trust in yourself.

Courage builds pride. 

Courage builds self-efficacy.

And honey? 

You don’t need to avoid fear. You can be fearful in the very same moment of courage.

You can learn ways to deal with both the physical and mental triggers. You can practice bravery sitting alongside your worst case scenarios, your inner critic, your cringeworthy failures, your unsupportive family. 

You can build belief in your own capacity for happiness through action.

You, dear one, are capable of making completely new choices. Of trusting that you’ll figure it out when you get there. Of taking risk without guarantee of result.

You can stand alone, quite cold turkey, fall in love, do something out-of-character, change your mind, step into your brilliance. You can create your vision, leave the relationship, speak up for a stranger, practice kindness, burn the barn down. You can allow yourself the grace to begin again. You can grow comfortable with uncertainty and doubt. You can belong to yourself first and above all. 

You can show the fuck up for your life + your happiness, act of courage after act of courage.

Because here’s the thing…

You do something brave and you become braver. 

Courage begets courage.

Can we promise to stop letting fear lead our lives?

Can we gather together, plot out revolutionary happiness + swap best Courage practices? 

If this wasn’t already abundantly clear — I AM SO IN.

The post Are You Letting Fear Lead Your Life? appeared first on Stratejoy.

You put a lot of pressure on yourself to conquer the next mountain, to uplevel your life, to face your fears, to be recognized (and paid! and adored!) for your greatest gifts, to achieve despite the hardships you face, to always play bigger.

Sometimes that pressure is exactly what you need to push through a barrier that doesn’t need to be in your way. Playing bigger can be an invitation to TRULY understand that you are capable of so much more than you imagined or were conditioned to believe possible. Playing bigger can allow you to shine, to change the world as only you can, to remember that action makes shit happen.

And yet…

Sometimes that very same pressure lands you in a life where playing bigger becomes a berating internal voice of do MORE, achieve MORE, you’re not enough as you are — be MORE.

It can load you up with incredible stress, with perfectionism, with judgement for yourself when you get quiet, slow down, or simply can’t push yourself any harder. It may force you to take on challenges that aren’t in integrity with your soul, to forget about your human enoughness, to chase dreams that aren’t truly yours, to belittle your own desires that seem too simple or frivolous or selfish.

In our month of Expectations, it’s been fascinating to watch half the women be drawn to the rally call of “play bigger” and half of them needing the permission slip to “play smaller.”

Mindi sent me a long, beautiful email talking about her last couple of years of wildly high achievement and influence.

And then she shared this,

“The idea that I don’t have to play BIG — that I don’t have to change the world, be a CEO, create world peace or in some other way achieve a monumental new thing — is the single most emotional thing that I’ve encountered in my journey of self-discovery over the last YEAR AND EIGHT MONTHS. Hearing today that “smaller, more sacred” goals are okay to have — that I don’t HAVE to play big — is the most relief I’ve felt in years.”

And Mindi knows that “small + sacred” doesn’t mean nothing… It doesn’t mean you stop believing in yourself or your gifts. It doesn’t stop you from creating or putting yourself out there or starting something new.

It means you release the pressure to prove yourself worthy or extraordinary through the bigness (money? impact? Influence?) of your life.

I know in my own journey of reclaiming my life  — I’ve needed both messages at different times.

I say this because I’m absolutely a fanner of the flame  — GO BIG! I’m also the one whispering in your ear — ENJOY SMALL + SACRED.

So today’s message?

It’s here if you need permission to stop banging on a closed door… To truly make peace with a year of taking care of the life already on your plate… To simply take a break from your warrior woman stance…

Playing smaller is totally allowed.

You are the same beautiful, bright, valued, loved human.

The post Playing Small is Totally Allowed appeared first on Stratejoy.

I’ve had some version of a Life List since high school.  But it was 2007 on my trip around the world when I made it officially, official — I was going to be one of those humans with a Bucket List.

I still remember sitting on an outdoor staircase in Spain listening to an audio book from Tony Robbins.  He’s chanting in his deep man voice, “What do you want? What can you improve? What will you learn? How will you contribute? How much will you make? What will you buy? What will you create?”

It was the first time I ever really let myself dream bigger than the world I currently occupied… It was the first time I let myself call the shots on what would constitute a well-lived life ON MY TERMS.

It gets added to, deleted from + tweaked every year during Vision Month in Reclamation– but it has existed in this format since 2007. It’s inspired vacations, Stratejoy offerings, and many life choices. It reminds me of who I am + what I value, especially when I’m feeling stuck.

Life lists may not work for everyone, but this kind of goal-tracking is really inspiring to my Enneagram 7 self — the enthusiast lover of life + experiences. My list reminds me that boredom is a choice. It reminds me I have ownership of my desires + expectations. And having this list reminds that in order to honor my dreams, I must steward my own personal resources (money, energy, time, attention) carefully if I really to live THIS life.

(Example.. Ken + I have been saving (autodraws monthly) since we got married to celebrate our 10 year anniversary in with a splurge on some tropical huts over water. August 2020 baby! And then the Pandemic hit + we had to cancel our trip! And we spend that money on a teardrop trailer instead… Hahaha!)

My List changes as I grow into new seasons of my life. I love reading back over my desires + my accomplishments (even the ridiculous ones) each year, but I have no problem axing items that I’ve outgrown…

(Meeting James Franco? Winning a volunteer award? Playing blackjack for big money in Vegas? Gone, gone and gone.)

Just as my life is a growing, breathing, changing offering — my life list is the same.

And let me say this clearly — whether or not I accomplish all 101 items on my list is beside the point.  I’m trying! I’m dreaming! I’m pushing my own limits! And I’m having one hell of an adventurous, meaningful life in the meantime.

Now, for the public declaration…

101 Things To Do Before I Go

1.     Get a piece of writing published.
2.    Go skydiving  (Skydive Oregon, June 2011, with 44 other World Domination Summit attendees)
3.    Sail in Greece (Catamaran Sunset Sail off Santorini with Mom & Kate. June 2011)
4.    Buy a brand new car (Honda Odyssey Minivan. Bahahaha. October 2016)
5.    Get married (August 28th, 2010) & have babies  (Maximilian James Mahar 2012. Juliet Layne Mahar 2014.)
6.    Plant and nurture a herb garden (Started in Shell Beach backyard in 2019)
7.    Speak at a TEDx conference
8.    Meditate 30 minutes every day for a year
9.    Hire a personal shopper/personal brand expert
10.  Host a Oktoberfest Party complete with picnic tables, steins and sauerkraut (Index Weekend Tradition! Sept 2011 and 2013)
11.    Speak conversational Spanish
12.    Visit every National Park
13.    Ski an A-Z shoot in Big Sky
14.    Learn to play 10 pop songs on the piano
15.   Drive a convertible down Highway 1 in California (June 2019 on a day date with Ken before he sold his BMW)
16.    Design my own cowboy boots
17.    Learn how to roll sushi
18.    Take boxing lessons
19.    Guest DJ a radio show (A hilarious story involving a TV Pilot, a Utah Casino and Sean Ogle. August 2011.)
20.    Go on a silent meditation retreat (June 2010 7 days at Cloud Mountain Retreat Center)
21.    Become a Life Coach  (Though not certified, I’m claiming this one.)
22.   Live in Mexico for a month.(Lived in Merida for a month, Oaxaca for 6 weeks, San Pancho for 5 weeks in 2023 with Ken + the kids.)
23.    Slam poetry at an open mic
24.    Attend a Hoyne family reunion at the cottage in Wisconsin  (Wautoma! August 2013.)
25.    Take a week long trip with my best gal pals. (We spent a week in Rome + sailing the Almafi coast with 4 other couples in Sept. 2025. Close enough!)
26.    Stay in a beach hut over water
27.    Backpack Vancouver Island
28.    Get booked as a speaker at a major conference  (SXSW Interactive– 7 months preggo! March 2012.)
29.    Volunteer as a burlesque greeter at the Moisture Festival (2010- Leopard Hat, tiger shorts, wig & specs!)
30.    Spend a week with my mom & sister at a spa/yoga/surf camp
31.    Own a home  (Shell Beach, CA. July 2014.)
32.    Buy 10 sexy bra/underwear sets
33.    Volunteer as a guide with a girls + outdoors organization
34.    Decorate my own office/room/loft  (Shell Beach, CA. February 2015.)
35.    Plan a Stratejoy retreat  (First one — Elevate Mastermind January Retreat in Woodside CA. January 2013.)
36.   Win a gold medal (Junior Olympics Pole Vaulting 1996 or some such)
37.   Complete a Masters in positive psychology
38.  Live on a sail boat with my family for 3 months (We only did this for a month, but that was enough! Croatia Summer 2022)
39.   Travel around the world (made a loop from C America to Europe to S Africa to SE Asia and then home)
40.  Start investing (Timing was wrong, but that’s life…)
41.   Go dog sledding in Alaska
42.  Sit on a board for the Arts (Currently serving on the Board at the Cohesion Dance Project. 2025)
43.  Spent 3 months alone in Nature
44.  Have a conversation with Elizabeth Gilbert
45.   Ride a zipline in Costa Rica   (Backpacking Trip with Ken, 2007)
46.   Buy an giant expensive watch
47.    Climb Mt. Rainier
48.    Learn how to surf & feel sexy while doing it
49.    Build an igloo
50.    Take my parents on a big trip wherever they would like
51.    Write a book that people read
52.    Host a foreign exchange student
53.    Go on an African Safari (Backpacking Trip with Ken, 2007)
54.    Design/build a modern, green home
55.    Visit Egypt and Morocco
56.    Bungee jump (Twice! Including the world’s highest bungee jump in South Africa)
57.    Experience the Sundance Film Festival
58.    Have backstage passes at a big show
59.    Take Demi Moore-esque pregnant photos  (Under the wire! Two days before Max was born. May 2012.)
60.    Experience a Sweat Lodge (Hidden Creek Ranch, 2000)
61.    Live abroad for a year with my family.
62.    Go heli-skiing
63.    Throw a Cooking Competition Dinner Party
64.    Own a cabin retreat in the woods (May 2010 in Index, Washington)
65.    Attend TED
66.    Drive through New England in the fall (Fall, 2010)
67.    Go on a wreck dive
68.    Ride in a seaplane   (For work at Columbia Hospitality, 2009)
69.    Dance at a Masquerade Ball
70.    Trek in Nepal
71.     Go to a retreat at Eselan  (2019 with Ken to Michaela Boehm’s Radical Intimacy Workshop) + The Omega Institute
72.    Start a summer camp (Stratejoy Summer Camp August 2015, 2016 +2018)
73.    Take cooking classes in 3 different countries (Thailand 2008, Italy 2022, Mexico 2023)
74.    Learn how to swing on the trapeze
75.    Have a color coordinated closed with a little chandelier
76.    Write, direct and produce a neighborhood play
77.    Travel to New Zealand and do something wild
78.    Become an amazing Salsa dancer
79.    Make a time capsule with my kids on their first day of school that they open when they graduate
80.    Teach a course at a university
81.    Have a yard filled with twinkly lights, comfy nooks and an outdoor bed
82.    Ride naked in the Fremont Parade (Seattle tradition- I was a ravishing Jungle Princess in 2008)
83.    Crush grapes in Italy
84.    Open a wellness/retreat center
85.    Sit ringside at a big boxing match wearing a sequined gown
86.    Learn more about my heritage/mythology and visit my “homelands” of Poland, England + Sweden
87.    Dress up for the Dirt Bag Ball in Big Sky
88.    Host a murder mystery weekend
89.    Go scuba diving in Thailand (Got my advanced certification in Koh Lanta)
90.    Get mentioned in a national magazine
91.    Go skiing in Banff
92.    Become a Death Doula
93.    Spend a summer road tripping & creating art
94.    See the gorillas in Uganda
95.    Make a million bucks in a year by coaching, teaching, writing & speaking
96.    Do 5 pull ups in a row
97.    Take my grandchildren on a Christmas sleigh ride
98.    Host a television show
99.    Go to the Jazz Festival in Montreal
100.  Learn how to river kayak
101.   Be on a best-seller list for my future book

The post Molly Mahar’s Life List appeared first on Stratejoy.

On the flight back home to California, I wrote, “I’m ready to get back to my real life. This weekend has been 1000x harder than I ever imagined.”

I lost my first love, an incredibly formative part of my past, to suicide 3 weeks ago. And last weekend, I traveled to my hometown of Helena, Montana for maybe the 4th time in almost 20 years. I was going to comfort a family I know intimately and grieve with old friends I hadn’t seen in forever.

I didn’t expect it to be easy…

But mourning privately, with the support of my husband + girlpack in SLO, with solo time to dance, cry + rage to a storming ocean, was a far cry from the weekend I had just experienced. Being prepared with heartfelt letters + gifts for the tiny humans in no way prepared me for mourning with shell-shocked families + brothers + women who had lost Tanner’s physical presence in their life.

Every night in Helena ended with me sobbing in confusion as I lowered my exhausted body into a strange bed. Grateful to be there in communion, grateful to be able to feel my feelings, but wishing for nothing but the oblivion of sleep.

It’s not to say there weren’t moments of beauty in the middle of the mess… There were.

I re-experienced the pleasure of wintertime hot springs, of frozen frosted hair + eyelashes, of screaming while making snow angels in -9 degree weather. It was beautiful.

On Sunday before my flight took off, I got the chance to gather with Camp friends for brunch and laugh + cry for hours. It was beautiful.

I drank my 300th cup of weekend coffee tucked into a dark booth at the Merc with Tanner’s best friend Joshua, while we downloaded memories + acknowledged the holes in our hearts + caught up on our lives. It was beautiful.

Running through security in my heavy snow boots with giant bags under eyes, trying not to miss my flight home, my new 4 year old BFF yelled out with pure joy, “MOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!” as I blew kisses to her on my mad dash to board. It was beautiful.

But as I wrote what felt like my “final letter” in my journal to T on that flight, I felt a desperate need to separate this period of grief (+ anger + sadness + regret) from my general set point of joy. I tried to convince myself that when I returned to California, I would be returning to my “real life.” I could release the numbness and step into my hopeful intentions of #bemama19, #beguide19, #beadventurer19.

As I was writing + crying (pretty normal flight time activity for me, honestly), I was hit with the heavy realization that this wasn’t an aberration. There was no return to a version of myself from 3 weeks ago…

This is my real life. This is my messy, beautiful, heart-breaking, tragic, joyful life.

My chattering teeth that accompanied the speeches at the service made by men I had known since I was 16? My life. Awkward declarations about the pride I felt about staying sober this entire time? My life. My new habit of ending every phone call with literally anyone by saying ”I love you?” My life. The fact that I will never get to know 38 or 48 or 58 year old Tanner? My life. The inability to stop my eyes from spilling over with tears for going on 3 weeks now? My life. A brand new tiny fear that when someone is late, they are dead? My life.

This is my real life.

And not only was this my real life — this was everyone’s real life. The unexpected, the tragic, the hardship. We don’t remain unscathed on our paths. Our hearts don’t remain unbroken.

I realized that there was no box I could put the sadness + regret into, no safe compartment for the stories I had heard that weekend that broke my heart all over again, no way to protect myself from saying the wrong thing because there is no training manual for this kind of situation.

We are who we are by our trials + suffering, our lost hopes + dashed dreams, our naked hearts + moments of humanity. I am who I am because of Tanner, because of his love + his life + his death.

As I sit here today, tucked upstairs at my daughter’s gymnastic lesson, trying to turn my tear stained journal musings into something to share, I thought of you.

I thought of anyone, everyone, in the middle of the unexpected, the tragic, the hardship.

And while I don’t have any magical solutions to making it all better or any tips for avoiding the “mess” — I do know you can attempt to show up fully to each moment + be incredibly kind to yourself when it feels impossible.

You can throw up your arms and scream, “Fuck!” or “Amen!” or whatever you’ve been biting your tongue on. You can rage + sob + soak until the bathwater turns cold. You can ask for help + for hugs + for someone to hold the piece of the story that is breaking you.

You can get up each morning and feel the morning sun on your face. You can let that be enough.

Let life open you, love. All of it.

​​​​​​​Let it rock you, mystify you, soothe you, and hold you.

This is your real life.

And this is my real life.

p.s. Love you T. Always have, always will. Thank you for helping me become the woman I am. Thank you for being you, relentlessly. Soar on + safe passage. XO B

p.p.s. My love? If the depression, despair, darkness or the lies they tell are knocking on your door too loudly or with too much force — call someone, anyone. Call your Mom. Call 1-800-273-8255. All of you is wanted in this world, in any amount of pain or ruin.

The post Processing the Suicide of my First Love appeared first on Stratejoy.

 

“Here’s the truth about telling stories with your life. It’s going to sound like a great idea, and you are going to get excited about it, and then when it comes time to do the work, you’re not going to want to do it. It’s like that with writing books, and it’s like that with life. People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen. But joy costs pain.”

I saw this Donald Miller quote on Instagram a few weeks ago and it stopped me in my tracks.

“People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen.”

Exactly.

After 9 years of doing this work, I could write a few gems of my own like this…

→ People love to think they’re showing the fuck up for their life, but few people are willing to take the risks to make it happen.

→ People love to say they’re making authentic choices, but few people actually make those choices in the face of family pressure, societal norms, or uncertain outcomes.

→ People love to believe in their big dreams, but few people can sustain the motivation when fear or failure strikes.

But here’s the thing, babe.

It’s all possible. All of it.

Living a great story, showing the fuck up for your life, making authentic choices, believing in your dreams — ALL POSSIBLE.

Making the brave choices will probably cost pain. They’ll most likely cause friction. They’ll push you to edge our comfort zone.

They’ll definitely be hard.

But it doesn’t mean those brave choices aren’t worth it.

And it doesn’t mean you’re not capable of making those brave choices.

If you want to be the woman who puts in the work, takes risks, makes the authentic choice and sustains motivation — you can be her.

You are her.

Fire up your focus, your confidence, and your self love. Get on board with your own power and your ability to withstand conflict. Take exquisite care of yourself so that you can take exquisite care of your dreams.

Gather some hella good cheerleaders who keep reminding you that this work is worth it — even when you’re not seeing immediate results, even when the self-doubt feels suffocating, even when you’ve got to disappoint someone else to be true to you…

And take it one step at a time.

One day at a time.

One right action at a time.

(You’re in good company here. We’re ALL working on living our own version of a great story!)

The post But What if Being Brave is Hard? appeared first on Stratejoy.

After a Monday where I couldn’t get off the ground and a Tuesday full of tiny minutiae that probably doesn’t matter in the scheme of things, I escaped to the ocean yesterday afternoon with a chai latte and my journal.

This is one of the quickest ways for me to center back into myself — writing, writing, writing. Not caring what pops out of my pen, just allowing the spirals of my mind to find some peace on the paper.

I started with the really eloquent burning question of, “What is causing this yick?”

(Heads up. I’m totally emotionally fine right now! A bit triggered by all the #whyIdidntreport stories, but not in a dip. Just observing that my Monday + Tuesday didn’t go the way I wanted them to and I was feeling frustrated + yicky. And because I’m well-practiced at caring for myself instead of beating myself up for “wasting time” — I took 1.5 hours of precious nanny time to explore the yick instead of soldiering on.)

Anyway…

5 scribbled pages later full of possible answers to the yick question — I found myself dashing off a quick list.

It wasn’t meant for public consumption nor did I carefully craft it, but I do think it’s an interesting measure of where I’m at and what I’m struggling with and what I’m inspired by in this exact moment.

And since it is #purposemonth and my purpose is to “celebrate my life authentically + inspire others to do the same” I’m sharing with you!

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN

1. How to feel jealousy/comparison + USE IT instead of avoiding coming across it or reacting immediately with imposter syndrome or getting on my “I’m consciously not choosing that” bandwagon/soapbox

2. How to dress the way I feel on my most vibrant sing-aloud-in-the-car magnetic JOY days!

3. How to drink a glass of wine without using it to fix/hide/destress — intuitive drinking

4. How to know when to stop talking for the most impact

5. How to grow things – like plants + herbs + food + flowers

6. Balance in over-delivering because I am desperate to matter + serving with my full compassionate heart

7. How to practice loyalty to my inner circle without excluding others?

8. The art of creating for something other than my business

9. How to kill more of my darlings!! (This one comes directly from the process of attempting to streamline my website/offerings + sucking at it.)

10. How to increase my consumption of soul-bending poetry, books, music + conversation and decrease the crap

And now I’m really curious. Tell me — without thinking about it too much — what are 10 things you’d like to learn right now?

If you’d like to share, click here so I can read them!

The post 10 Things I’d Like to Learn appeared first on Stratejoy.

I saw a post on Instagram about the challenge the day it started. My friend and pleasure teacher Ev’yan Whitney was running a Sensual Selfie Challenge, and without thinking too much about it because I knew I would probably talk myself out of it — I yanked my shirt off at 3 pm in my office, took a few selfies on my fuzzy sheepskin, and went live with the one I found most sensual.

I basically have zero filter, and telling MY truth outloud is one expression of my purpose. And after two weeks of trying to survive a new school year and preschool lice surprises, I was not feeling sensual.

It was both exhilarating + nerve wracking to allow the interwebs to witness this first image. I had to go journal my feelings out and check in with my “whys” to make sure it was worth it to me.

Here’s what I came up with for my very personal “whys”…

→ I am figuring out how to feel sexy with my newly short hair. I understand all the media messaging that is influencing this — but I admittedly feel less feminine without my long hair + I want to challenge that feeling. And I’ll do anything to combat the word “matronly” that came up in HoCo last year!

→ I’m still having a lot of convos about pleasure + relationships + body image + sex within the safety of Reclamation or at Camp — but it feels like this piece of my work is hidden in the real world right now. I’m not afraid of this piece of my life or in other’s lives and I want to make sure you all know this about me.

→ I’m craving that nervous/excited energy of doing something outside of my comfort zone. Being seen/judged/misunderstood feels like a good challenge to take on right now and I feel strong enough handle whatever comes at me.

→ My purpose statement is to  “celebrate my life authentically + inspire others to do the same” and this 5 day challenge feels like a celebration of my sexuality + my body love + my creative artist side. I could do it privately, but the inspiration piece calls me to publish.

And those “whys” felt compelling enough to continue.

I won’t lie + say I was feeling totally comfortable about the whole thing.

I didn’t publish to FB where more of my IRL acquaintances/family are and I didn’t tell Ken about it until the weekend rolled around + I needed to spend naptime awkwardly perched in our backyard jungle trying to get my goddess shot…

But I did it. I feel proud of pushing myself to get shots that I love + publishing each day. 

And now, I’m sharing here to allow you to witness both my fear + my pride.

Because I decided I hadn’t done enough things that truly scared me for #couragemonth. Thanks dear @evyan.whitney (one of my beloved #pleasuremonth teachers) for giving me the perfect opportunity to push my own boundaries.

Today’s prompt was about holding space for ourself and vowing to honor our own individual beauty for a lifetime. Hands on body? (Head pets are part of my love language.) Fabric? I’m a 100% denim flavor of sexy. 

“Take a selfie that is unflattering or outside of your comfort zone.” For today’s challenge, I went with the guiding word raw instead of unflattering. Because honestly? Finding a sensual angle to my gummy squirrel face or ridiculously jacked traps is outside my selfie ability level. And for me — these 5 days are about reminding myself that I can express my sexuality in ways that turn ME ON.

So yes, of course I could share pictures of my belly rolls or my flat ass or the spider veins I’ve had up and down my legs since I was 15 — but do they make me feel turned on? Not really. Do I care? Not all all. (I know so many other ways to access my turn on!)

After many years spent trapped in binging + purging cycles and validating my existence through male attention — I’ve made gentle peace with my body. There’s so much to be loved about how she moves and feels and yes, looks — but there’s plenty I’m just happy to simply feel neutral about. Not neutral like I don’t love + appreciate + take attentive care of her, but neutral like I simply don’t spend energy or brain space fretting about her.

So, this may not be a specifically unflattering shot, but it is raw + outside of my comfort zone.

I was definitely not going to post a picture of my boobs when I started this challenge. But black + white adorned goddess prompt? My inner goddess is definitely outside + definitely naked + definitely doesn’t give a fuck about showing nipple. Honestly, I’m kinda sad I had to blur them for Insta…

(Anyway— most people who know me in real life have already seen my boobs that #breastfedtwobabies because of my love of skinny dipping! )There you go @evyan.whitney! #free18 in a whole new light… Thank you for guiding us, sweet sister.

Last day before we return to regular programming of nature, travel, tiny humans, musings on life and smiling, fully clothed selfies…
Thank you all for witnessing me and for the thoughtful messages + memories you’ve been sending. And menfolk? Bravo! I loved your respectful notes just as much as I loved my sisters #affirmingtheshit out of me!

Today’s affirmation from @evyan.whitney was a good one for me — “When I am soft, I am strong. When I am connected to my senses, my body, my breath, my sexuality, I am powerful.“ Soft AND strong. Feminine AND masculine. Receiving AND directing. Pleasure AND power. I’ve been working on occupying these particular “ands” since #pleasure16. And after 4 days of pushing my flavor of badass, today’s prompt was the perfect reminder to soften.

That’s what we do at Stratejoy.

(No, not get naked… I mean, that part is totally optional!)

We tell our truths, honestly + vulnerably — knowing that we can’t control others’ reactions to our choices, but that we do get to control our experience of our life.

My experience of my life right now?
An embracing of juxtapositions. Fully embracing the “and”.

Full of creative risk/adventure cravings/badass sexual energy and handling a gazillion school pickups/lice/soccer Saturdays. Goddess vibes and twice monthly biz accounting. Fine-tooth-combing the new website for clear calls to action and devoting myself to our sisterhood with a full heart of love.

And naked selfies? Just proof that I’m showing the fuck up for my life, on my terms.

Whatever your version of naked selfies may be — go for it with all your heart, honey.

The post Why I Posted Naked Photos on Instagram appeared first on Stratejoy.

I know it sometimes seems easier to just stay the course without examining why you’re on it or how you feel about it — even if that means you’re constantly putting up with shit you resent or continually feeling like your opinions or dreams aren’t valued…

Women do it all the time in jobs, in relationships, in martyr roles in their families, in the ways the treat their bodies.

You ignore what’s bubbling up under the surface, hoping it will go away on its own without you having to do anything about it.

(‘Cause jeeeeezzzzz, you’ve got enough to worry about just getting through each day!)

Except it doesn’t go away.

Whatever truth you were trying to shove under the rug will come back to bite you on the ass.

Been there. Done that. 

And in my line of work, I’ve supported hundreds of women as they pick up the pieces of that truth bite.

That’s why I’m so intent on helping you tell the truth to yourself — digging deep so you understand how you actually feel about your life and the themes that influence your experience.

I’m here to guide the deep dives and lead the honest discussions — around Authenticity, Expectations, Body Love, Pleasure, Ritual, Creativity, Courage, Purpose, Power, and Abundance — that walk you home to yourself.

Why? Because I believe that you can source your own wisdom about what is right for your life and your gifts. I believe that you are strong enough to claim ownership of your life in way that feels empowering + concrete.

I believe that you are enough + whole + capable of declaring your own truth.

And I want you to know it too.

Each tiny declaration of ownership, each small step home to yourself, each new choice that honors your truth builds the foundation of a life that is truly yours.

A life, reclaimed.

I want that for me.

And I want that for you.

The post How to Reclaim Your Life appeared first on Stratejoy.

When I read this today it stopped me in my tracks. It was posted in our Reclamation group where we’ve been having deep discussions about feeling our feelings and the places we numb.

Ellenkate wrote, “Today I had the thought, ‘When I numb, I abandon myself.’ Followed by, ‘But I have to abandon myself sometimes, to get through my day.’ I want to show up in the world in a way that I don’t have to abandon myself. Ever again.”

WHOA.

I’ve had lots of people ask me how my year of sobriety is going (not only sobriety from alcohol, but also from overwork + overconsumption of other’s creativity at the expense of my own) — and I keep saying, “It’s going okay.” I’m having no issues with the actual not drinking part or really even the actual not overworking part — but meeting myself in that space of barrenness as been rather eye-opening.

I’ve been journaling up a storm about exactly WHY I was/am so reliant on my numb-ers of choice. I mean really… My life is beautiful. I know I have gifts to offer. I worked my ass off to get to a place where I get paid to do my good work. I am certain I am loved. I am grateful.

I know all of this to be true. And yet, there are still some deeply ingrained ways that I have been abandoning myself, that I have been avoiding my own purpose, that I have been checking out of my own life.

My conclusions are works-in-progress. I don’t know exactly WHY yet…

But I know I agree with Ellenkate. I, too, want to show up in the world in a way that I don’t have to abandon myself ever again.

And knowing me, that’s probably going to mean lots of nakedness + saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times + loving the shit out of pretty much everyone in my orbit + rebelling against external power plays + letting my curiosity run rampant. It’s going to mean following my whims + hugging strangers with the strength of a thousand suns + avoiding situations where I have to drive in traffic + doing my best to be a kind human + continuing to believe in my big dreams, but having patience with the timing.

It’s definitely tending to my own care + showing the fuck up for my own life.

Any of this strike a chord with you, love? 

The post I Don’t Want to Abandon Myself Ever Again appeared first on Stratejoy.