Yes, I am suggesting that cooking can be relaxing and therapeutic.

No need to spend a fortune on exotic foods and resort-style cuisine.

May I recommend a website I recently came across that provides really easy nutritious recipes for relatively low cost. The author has had lots of experience cooking meals without busting the budget so she knows, from practical experience, what she is talking about. The website is called Cooking On a Shoestring and I feel confident you will find it fascinating.

I received this magnificent photo from Rob Hornsby today. The photo shows people fishing near Port Smith Caravan Park in Western Australia.

Rob tells me that some people stay there all day just listening to the surf and fishing. This is major relaxation with a Triple A rating.

Wilderness is a great tonic so please give it a try.

Click here to go to TED Talks if you cannot see the embedded video.

photo credit: mynameisharsha

By adopting physical actions of a positive nature — that is, acting contrary to your depressed feelings, the body is often tricked into a more positive mode.

To do this, just apply some action that you know will produce good feelings – for example, actually making some appointments or spending a few minutes to share a joke with your friends.

photo credit: learningexecutive

Some animal research suggests that when rats help or protect their kith or kin the action causes the altruist’s brain to produce endorphins. Antisocial behaviour has the opposite effect.

While these studies have not been applied to humans, it makes evolutionary sense that we are built in such a way that when we do a good turn for someone else we feel good. Nature has probably planned neuropeptide release on these occasions to ensure that infants arc well protected.

The word dynorphin means power and this is appropriate because dynorphin is 200 times more powerful in its actions than morphine.

Julie, what is the primary objective or outcome of the Choices Program?

In two words, conscious choice.

How significant is that in terms of the person’s life and managing stress?

The tendency for most human beings is to react rather than pro act in a situation. For example, most people who have experienced an extremely busy day tend to just automatically start saying “I’ve had a busy day, I’m really tired and stressed. Their self-talk propels them into a greater level of stress. They often don’t realize that there is a gap between stimulus and response and that they can actually choose another way of looking at things.

If you ask some very busy people how they keep going, my father-in-law is a perfect example, retired from medical practice at 65 but didn’t retire started mentoring and assisting others and then set up a horse stud and so on. He doesn’t see work as a chore, he sees it as a passion and so if he has had a really busy day his way of dealing with it is to say to himself “I’ve had a great day and got so much out of it”.

What we have as human beings is a choice continually and some of the choices that we make in terms of our self-talk are not altogether helpful for managing stress.

A person taking charge of their life and making choices, is it all about just internal self talk?

Now I think it also relates to the external choices that we make. The choices that we make in terms of the people that we befriend and the health of those relationships. Our choices in terms of the decisions that we make to do at any one time, like deciding to meditate or opening a beer and sitting quietly in front of the TV.

We are making choices all the time and I believe that our whole existence here on earth is basically the sum total of the choices that we make continually whether it be internal or external. I mean they all start internally but they impact on how we act externally.

So what guidelines do you give people to make the right choices?

What I try to stress is that it really is about stopping and thinking and asking yourself relevant questions. To do that you have to be in the moment asking yourself what is really going on for me right now. Asking what am I thinking, what am I feeling, what am I doing. To take a second out and think about what is actually happening, to become actually conscious of what is going on inside you. Developing that level of self-awareness.

So it is becoming conscious, first of all about how they are thinking feeling and acting, and then learning the art of reframing. If they find themselves sitting at work tense up against the computer thinking “Oh my God I’ve got so much work to get through, I’ve gotta get through, I’ve gotta get through” then that is not going to be very helpful because it is consuming the energy required to get through and it is causing them to become even more stressed. They get emotional about it which only sabotages their ability to finish it anyway.

Learning to say something a little bit more helpful like:

“I can only do what I can do”

I’ll do the best that I can”

“I can only do what is humanly possible and I’ll just pace myself and I’ll just keep going and I’ll finish what I can finish and if I can’t get it all done then it will be there in the morning”.

These statements take the foot off the accelerator of fear really, because that is often why we end up in a stressed state. We are perceiving something as difficult and the consequence of that is often as stressed state.

When people come to your Choices Program what do you teach them?

I give them some strategies in how to become more self-aware. Most of us are aware in terms of issues in our relationship with others but are not so aware of the issues in relation to ourselves. We tend to have a more external focus.

So often I explain the anatomy of a dispute or an emotional situation that occurs between people, an argument for example, and the process involved in that and then I get them to come out of that recognizing that we contribute to the relationships we have with other people.

I get them to go beneath the surface in terms of understanding what is going on for them. So get them thinking about the last time they had a dispute or difficult time with someone else. Initially they’ll explain it like “I went somewhere and I saw this person and she said this and then I got upset because she did that”.

I use a model called the Ladder of Inference and then get them to come down the ladder and try to imagine their contribution in it. So the first step in developing that level of self awareness, for example, is to ask “what was going on to me, what was I saying to myself at the time and how did that contribute an external situation that I have with another person”.

So if you get them to focus firstly on their relationship with others then it is much easier. If you look at a challenging time with another person you can usually start to understand the dynamics.

A large part of the program is understanding themselves, understanding their beliefs, and their core values. What are the things that push their buttons. We use language that people are comfortable with. Then I give them strategies for how, when they feel themselves reacting to situations, they can manage themselves.

I use an adapted model from Goleman. He talks about traffic lights and he’s done this for kids. So he talks about stop, think and choose. He uses the lights red, amber and green. He says when you see yourself starting to react you stop, then you think about “what’s going on with me why, am I feeling this response, what’s coming up for me? Is it that I am feeling that I’m being undervalued because the person’s not listening to me? Where is this emotion coming from etc.” and then recognising that you could think about it in a different way.

Mind you this is all very easy in theory, it’s very easy to talk about but the hardest thing to do because we have developed in this habitual way of thinking, we have got these thought patterns that have just gone for years – this happens, bang, I think this way!

So it’s about unlearning. It’s about a weakening of those neurological pathways in the brain so that we can start to get a different response, or a less automatic response. I give them some strategies around that.

Part of the program is also about empathy – how to get out of my position only and into the position of the other person. That’s really important training because some people have not really developed the capacity to imagine what is going on for another person and the more rigidly they stick in their position the more damaged their relationships will often be. That rigidity of thought often prevents them from making good choices.

A lot of people have developed coping mechanisms of saying “Well that’s the way she is and I can’t do anything about that – this is how I feel and this is what’s going on to me.” That reluctance to get over and try and see what it might be like for that other person. It is a human tendency to stay in our own position.

We do quite a bit of work on assertiveness and core communication skills.

On Day One they do self management and focus on developing a bit more self awareness and some self regulation using emotional regulation tools and strategies. Then I set them some work in the week between Day One and Day Two. When they go back home they have to journal, they have to record their running up the ladder and going and getting emotional and try and unpack it and look at things like:

• what happened to me;
• what was the trigger;
• what was the activating event;
• what was the belief that came up;
• what were the consequences and if I disputed those beliefs and saw it differently what would I say to myself (which is a bit of a reframing exercise);
• how did it feel when I explained it to myself?

The purpose of these activities between week one and two is that they start to actually develop some thinking strategies that they’ll put into place to stop themselves from automatically running up the ladder.

We know that this is a long-term process but I try and get them to a point of becoming conscious of their thinking strategies.

They often come back with remarkable stories. It is surprising when people take the information away and just even with the slightest attempt to think through their behavior they get a different result. So they can come back very excited. But I’ll come back and say “Well I totally stuffed this, I just lost it, but then I did I did it again” so they know that it’s one step forward three steps back.

On Day Two we explore managing emotions in others and managing your relationships with others when they are under stress. That’s where the empathy and assertiveness training comes in.

Thank you Julie.

Full details of the Choices Program can be seen here.

photo credit: swanksalot

Our emotions are delicately balanced. The balance can be disturbed when we over-extend the nervous system. In times of high arousal the nervous system is working overtime and we are using a lot of psychic energy. The brain can’t remain in this state of accelerated activity so the nervous system tries to force us to rest. One of the ways that it does this is to bring on a feeling of depression.

The depression is thought to actually build up under the high arousal so while ever we keep powering on it is masked. However, given the slightest break, the depression emerges and we sink into an emotional slump.

The consumption of alcohol lowers arousal levels and this is why people who have been pushing their nervous system wake up with a severe depression after a night on the booze. Depression usually causes us to be inactive. We prefer to just lie around and do nothing. This lassitude can assist the nervous system to repair itself.

While the feelings associated with the slump are often unpleasant they can serve a very useful purpose. If you’ve been working like a dog at a sheep trial; breaking all previous management records in your company and doing plenty of boozing – don’t be surprised if you occasionally slump.

How to Overcome Depressive Slumps

1. Get some exercise. Take a brisk walk or a swim when you are gloomy.
2. Watch your diet. A low fat, high carbohydrate seems to assist production of beta-endorphins — the good feeling chemical.
3. Recall some positive memories of work or personal success.
4. Do something positive for someone else. The good feelings will rub off.
5. Act as if you feel good. Your mind can trick your body.
6. Catch a positive emotion. Associate with positive people and their emotions will be contagious.

Take your foot of the accelerator and go with the flow. If rest and recuperation doesn’t fix it then please seek medical assistance.

photo credit: Artificial Art

Gary Innes is Commodore of the Coffs Harbour Yacht Club and has been on the board of the yacht club for the last four years. Over the last three years Gary has been on the committee of management for the Coffs Harbour Chamber of Commerce and industry and are very proud member of Daybreak rotary club. Gary broadcast every Monday afternoon on 2HC the local commercial broadcasting station.

Gary how long have you been sailing?

I’ve been sailing since I was a child really in dinghies and only just took it up again after 10 years of waterskiing. I’m back into yachting now rather than dinghies and really having a great time.

There are lot of people will assume that yachting is a sport only for the rich and famous. Is it something that people can get into for a reasonable price?

Yes it is. You can go down to a local Yacht Club like the Coffs Harbour Yacht Club and become a member for a couple of hundred dollars, which is not a lot when you use it over the course of the year, and you can go sailing. On Thursday night here in Coffs Harbour we have twilight sailing, during daylight savings, and we also try to get out every weekend. You can join up for $220 and become a member of the club and go out sailing.

So you don’t have to go and buy your own yacht?

No. It takes quite a few people to sail a yacht so as the owner of a yacht I can take up to 10 people and I won’t go out on my own.

What are the things that really appeal to you about sailing?

One of the most magnificent things I have ever seen while sailing, which made me realise how peaceful and calm your life can be, was when the sun was going down in the west as we were sailing up the coast of New South Wales. You might have a small sleep overnight, while the other members of the crew were sailing, and then, in the morning, you see the sun rise again and you’re being on the water for that whole 12 hour period. It is just an amazing feeling that you have done something completely different. Something very peaceful. Something very quiet. It is a wonderful experience. I really enjoy a night sailing more than anything else at all.

Have you participated in any major sailing events?

Before I owned my own yacht I have had the opportunity to twice do the Pittwater to Coffs Harbour yacht race. I wouldn’t call that the most peaceful sail I have done! But it was a lot of fun and it teaches you a lot about sailing. It puts you in a situation where you’vre got to make decisions. When you are just sailing overnight in your own boat at your own pace in your own time, the decisions you have learnt to make in advance, they keep you are very safe person at sea.

Have you had any terrifying experiences while sailing?

Funny you say that. We were out at the lighthouse only a couple of months ago and we’re all looking towards the lighthouse as we were sailing towards it which meant we were looking in a northeasterly direction watching the sails, watching the boat. Coming behind us was this big Southerly Buster and I must admit that we didn’t notice it. It was a bit remiss of us, but we didn’t notice it. We had a spinnaker up, we had full headsails up, the whole thing, and that wind came and just absolutely flattened us – a forty foot yacht laying on its side, 150 yards just this side of the lighthouse. It was a bit terrifying.

Do you find sailing helps you with your own personal stress management?

Absolutely. It’s funny that you say that, I got a message from the young lady who comes sailing with us often, and her message was “I couldn’t go out last week, I’m in withdrawal. I’m stressed out. When are we going again?” I thought, that’s exactly what’s all about. Sailing is all about relieving stress and looking after yourself. It’s something you look forward to. When you’re out on the water no one else can contact you. We don’t allow mobile phones on the boat. We have to have the radio on, but we just sit there and relax and enjoy it. It’s a couple of hours a week.

I think the wonderful thing is that people can just go to their local Yacht club, anywhere in the world and go sailing.

Yes it is. Some yacht clubs become a little bit exclusive, that they are the bigger ones, you’re got to go to the smaller clubs sometimes, but right around the world people will let you go sailing. They want you to go sailing. We are actually short of people to go sailing particularly in the age bracket of 25 to 40. So if you are in that age bracket, and you want some stress relief, I think sailing could be a great option.

We owe a great deal to entertainers for making life so much more enjoyable.