StrictlySplatter.Com

Brain Dead (2007) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 11:30pm EST

"The Orc-faced zombie creatures terrorize the California countryside. Two felons on the run, two cute hiker chicks lost in the woods, and a reverend and his sinfully innocent secretary find themselves trapped in a cabin together. Ultimately they find themselves at the mercy of the alien zombies who have no real rhyme or reason but to eat brains!!"

The Vampire Lovers (1970) -reviewed by Jerry Smith

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:04am EST

"This entire film is just an hour and a half of dullness. It follows a vampire named Marcilla who is put into the care of Grand Moff Tarkin himself, Peter Cushing, unbeknownst that she's a bloodsucker with an appetite for the ladies. We get everything from Carmilla chasing Emma around naked, to a shot that solely consists of a close-up of boobs pressing against a cross, it's just all very pointless."

Guinea Pig: He Never Dies (1986) -reviewed by Jorge Lopez

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 01:53am EST

"He then states: 'Am I a man that cannot die?'. The stupid fuck then tries all sorts of torture on his body but becomes frustrated because he really wants to die! He jabs a pen through his forearm and then severs his hand clean off. The blood and gore is nice, but not as visceral as what you’d expect from the infamous series.But everything is handled like a joke; there is no meanness or real cruelty. He is just clowning around."

Escape from Hellhole (1983) -reviewed by Jorge Lopez

Wed, 05 Jun 2013 08:47pm EST

"Indri is taken back to the house and we see her seducing MG and kissing him. When he tries to slip his tongue into her mouth, she bites the tip off! This results in MG going to the hospital and Indri taken back to the camp and strapped upon the X-shaped torture wheel where she will be whipped and humiliated."

Tragic Ceremony (1972) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Thu, 30 May 2013 10:03pm EST

"A group of hippies unwittingly runs into a cult of devil worshippers on the night of one of their biggest rituals. Somehow they make the cult kill themselves (?), which allows for some great gore moments, but doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense."

Grave of the Vampire (1972) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Tue, 28 May 2013 09:22pm EST

"Eastman finally looks into his father’s eyes and vents his frustration. Lockwood asks him, who the hell he is and Eastman says: “I’M YOUR SON LOCKWOOD! I’M YOUR SON CONCEIVED IN A GRAVE THE NIGHT CALEB CROFT ROSE FROM HIS CRYPT!! Eastman and Lockwood battle it out."

She Killed in Ecstasy (1971) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Sat, 25 May 2013 11:39pm EST

"She follows him to his apartment and magically posits herself in her underwear on his bed! Her ready and waiting body is too much to resist so Dr. Houston starts kissing her warm flesh. She stabs him in the head with a pair of metal scissors just as he’s starting to eat out her cooch!"

Terror House (1998) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Wed, 22 May 2013 08:53pm EST

"They find some newspaper clippings in a room, telling us about Ashberry. Supposedly, his newborn son died and was a monster?! But he is not dead! He is a disfigured man who wears monster masks to scare and kill people who come to the house."

A Blade in the Dark (1983) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Fri, 17 May 2013 08:51pm EST

"Katia is sliced up with a box-cutter by our killer. Bruno finds her diary and learns that the past tenant, Linda, had a secret Katia had discovered. Bruno steps out and when he walks back into the studio a reel of tape has been destroyed and key diary pages ripped from the diary and burned. He doesn’t go to the police, but decides to play amateur detective."

Feeders (1996) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:07pm EST

"Two friends on a road trip stumble upon the dawn of an alien invasion. The feeders are small puppets with wobbly heads that make strange gurgling growls and move low to the ground. These little guys may look funny but they are vicious creatures!"

The Evil (1978) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Sun, 12 May 2013 05:27pm EST

"A guy using a power saw on a door, cuts through his fingers by mistake. Remember that crazy dog? Well he comes out of the shadows to bite a girl’s throat and drop her down the stairs. An evil force pulls the clothes off a black girl, leaving her frightened. C.J. now knows this is serious business."

Breaking Point (1975) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Wed, 27 Apr 2013 05:41pm EST

"It truly is all about the sex - hardcore pornographic fucking. Bob Bellings is a horny middle-aged man that is obsessed with sex and model trains. He also hates women and fabricates this imaginary world where he is in control."

The G-string Horror (2012) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:44pm EST

"Psychic/blogger Lady Zee, claims that one night she came home and found stripper clothes mysteriously in her apartment (!?), which in turn possessed her and made her strip naked and wear the hooker outfit, and then she goes to sleep and dreams she is in the strip joint and confronts a gypsy ghost that asks her to free the evil that is Baby Doll."

The Galaxy Invader (1985) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:04am EST

"Did he accidentally crash land on earth? Or maybe he comes with sinister motives? In this movie there are no answers to those questions. The alien really has no agenda but to walk around and see what might happen. We don’t even get a look at his space ship!"

Crash and Burn (1990) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 08:33pm EST

"Arren posits that there is a Synthoid (cyborg human thing) among them, sent from Unicom with orders to exterminate with extreme prejudice. Synthoids were programmed to be incapable of killing humans, but according to Arren 'any Synthoid can kill you if you override its program with the crash and burn virus.'"

Creatures from the Abyss (1994) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 08:38pm EST

"The deep sea fish had been feeding on radioactive plankton. The results were a variety of horny fish creatures that probably killed the crew. Mike learns that they are sexually endowed and I think the scientists were fucking these things."

The Asphyx (1973) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 10:53pm EST

"An Asphyx is a zombie-like ghost creature, and everyone has one. The Asphyx works like your very own personal grim reaper. At the time of death, your Asphyx appears and it takes the soul that leaves your body."

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 10:52pm EST

"The vomit gore is indeed an exclusive treat. Angela and many of the other prostitutes are bulimic and eager to shove their hands down their throats. We get clear liquid, brown liquid and blood vomit. The brown puke was the best because it contained chunks! I counted over eight pukes. They are all intense and very messy."

Dead End Drive-In(1986) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 08:12pm EST

"If you can't drive out, then you have just changed your address because you are now a resident of the Drive-In. And who lives there? Oh, just your usual punks, gang members, hussies, harlots, and weirdoes...the typical cast for an 80s flick."

Splatter Farm (1987) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 05:52pm EST

"Jeremy, the farm hand, is hacking up a corpse in the shed. After chopping off an arm, he uses the hand on the limb to masturbate himself with. ...more crazy shit that Jeremy does, which includes killing a pony (off-screen), beheading a woodsman, and using the head for oral sex."

Mommy's Epitaph (1987) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 01:46am EST

"That night Amy is attacked by what appears to be the bloody ghost of the dead painter and she screams for help. It is revealed subtly that the whole family knows that mom is a killer and the dead painter is common knowledge."

976-EVIL (1988) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 05:57pm EST

"This debacle is about a satanic force that lures people who call the 976 number into performing evil acts. Hoax is weaving the evil force to his benefit and has satanic symbols to perform rituals in his bedroom. He grows a monster hand with black claws and his face turns even more stupid."

Kong Island (1968) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 06:18pm EST

"Albert turns out to be a mad scientist and he hides away in a jungle cave to carry out experiments on gorillas. He sticks a metal thing in their brains and this makes them his personal army, which he probably wants to rule the world with."

Killer Nerd (1991) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 02:51pm EST

"There’s plenty of testosterone deep down inside Harold, a potent mountain lion just waiting to pounce on a piece of ass. The problem is that he’s clueless, and that’s where the self-help tapes (Slick Dick’s School of Cool package) come into play."

Chopping Mall(1986) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 12:24pm EST

"Eight teens are trapped inside a shopping mall where three robots chase them around trying to kill them. They are built like four foot midget tanks with flat heads, extending arms and equipped with sleep darts, stun guns and 80s red and blue lasers."

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 10:22pm EST

"Joanne and four other college kids have volunteered to clear out an old dorm before it is demolished, so they are stuck there for the next couple of weeks...with a killer on the loose! The janitor is drilled in the brain pan and Patti is choked by the killer and dumped into what I assume is a giant, industrial-sized vat of soup."

Claw of Terror (1973) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 09:21pm EST

"Matthew is not comfortable with men touching women. He finds a saucy milf redhead named Vera who in her own words describes herself as 'an amateur painter who turns tricks to pay the rent.' Matthew likes this woman but not her tricks!"

Rape Squad (1974) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 09:30pm EST

"They establish a 24-hour rape line, go to karate classes and bathe naked in a gym Jacuzzi. Oh, most of them feel no need to wear braziers and prefer open-chested, panty displaying short dresses. In one operation a potential rapist gets his apartment thrashed by the squad, tied to his bed and blue paint poured on his junk."

Evil Clutch (1988) -reviewed by Jose Prendes

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 10:10pm EST

"The film begins when a poor, unsuspecting guy has his balls gouged away by a 'gal' with chicken claws for hands after making out with her in a barn. He dies from ball blood loss and she turns into a vampire (!?) and giggles at him."

The Living Dead Girl (1982) -reviewed by Jorge A. Lopez

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:52pm EST

"She moves like a zombie. Her face is blank and unreadable. She’s just as shocked as anyone that she is now alive. Catherine throat pokes the guy and he gushes throat blood on his fully nude girlfriend who also gets a throat poke. When Helene arrives after the killings she finds Catherine playing the piano fully nude."