Helena wasn’t a newbie, she’d already been dancing for some time in Bratislava, so she was used to the way the system worked there, and it took some effort for me to explain that in Toronto, things are different.

In Bratislava, she said, dancers are paid strictly from the clubs: their shift pay, percentage of earnings from lapdances (for clubs that offer private dances), minus applicable club fees, averaging about $200USD ($150EURO) per night.

In Toronto, I tried to explain to her, a dancer’s earnings depend largely on herself. It’s hard to estimate how much an average dancer earns, because there is no such thing as an average dancer. Some dancers refused to work in any club where they doubted they could break a $500 per shift. Other dancers stopped the hustle as soon as they reached $100. Toward the end of my dancing “career”, $1,000-1,500 afternoons no longer surprised me, and I have even met a dancer who threw a fit when she realized that she wasn’t going to top $16,000 that month. And this was while most dancers I worked with complained about the economy and agreed to work for shift pay of under $100.

I sort of tried to explain all this to Helena, as well that the fact in most Toronto clubs, the money exchanges hands privately and no one, aside from the dancer, knows how much she’s made on a given day or night.

Maybe I didn’t come across convincing enough, or perhaps it sounded too vague, or seemed too good to be true, but Helena emailed me back, saying she’d found an international agency in Europe that would help her with becoming a stripper in Toronto. The agency, she said, even claimed to guarantee her a minimum income. Of $8,300 per month.

Alarm bells went off in my head. How can anyone make such a guarantee? It must be a scam, or a human trafficking scheme. Over the years in the trade, I’ve only met 1 woman who *may have* been stripping against her own will (I say *may* because I simply don’t know for sure). I’ve also seen a few documentaries and heard some stories from politicians who speak against trafficking.  But the TV stories were horrific and brutal enough that I wondered whether going with the agency that offered Helena such a guarantee, could be dangerous. So I asked Helena for more info about them.

I am not going to link to the agency’s web page here, but you can google it if you like, or email me for the link, but here is the deal they offered:

First, the quote from the email by the agency rep:

“..the club offers different guarantee to every lady, major of them are in the top $ 8,300.00 Dlls Can per month. Of course if you make more money than your guarantee the club will pay you.

I understand that the club offers you let say $ 8,300 less 10 dlls daily DJ , licence 500 dlls and the fee of your agency wich is 20% of your incomes, assuming you make just the guarantee or less $ 1,600 for your agent. (exclusivity for country, they don’t hire ladies without agent, then even if you go straight the agency fee will be deducted and give to the agent who has the exclusivity) . As the licence is collected just in the first month, your numbers would be:
Guarantee 8,300 Dlls CAN
Less:
DJ 31 days 310 Dlls
Agent 1,600 dlls
Licence 500 Dlls
Net for you 5,890 Dlls for 31 days worked

The second period of 31 days will be
Guarantee 8,300 Dlls CAN
Less:
DJ 31 days 310 Dlls
Agent 1,600 dlls
Net for you 6,390 Dlls CAN”

Despite the ridiculous rip-off that is the agency fee, the agency website also mentions that dancers are paid in tokens which are then converted into cash, and the dancer gets paid once a month. The agency website states that table dance tokens are paid to the entertainer at $5.00 a token,  and an average dancer makes about “50-120” tokens per shift. (Wait, what? If a token is payment for one table dance, then it looks like the club is getting $15, and the dancer- only $5 for her dance (dances are generally priced at $20 per song).

And then we get to the particulars:

• If Entertainer does not make over her guarantee then a charge of $10.00 per day we will deducted at the end of contract term.  95% of all entertainers make over their guarantee.

Wait, what’s that? Turns out that the income guarantee is not the amount the agency or the club guarantees to pay the dancer…but the amount that dancer is EXPECTED to generate, or face penalty of $10 per day.

The club also offers one free meal per day, allows $50 per day cash advance, which will be deducted from her pay each month, and, should the dancer not make her guarantee, she’ll be charged for shared accommodations with other dancers…

So, at the end of it all, our numbers really begin to look like this:

$8,300 (if you are lucky, working everyday, at 1 $5 token per song)

Minus:

-$1,600 compulsory fee to the agency

-$300 DJ mandatory fee

-$300 DJ and staff tips (if you want to keep good relations with the staff, tipping is a must)

-$500 dancer license (it costs less than $500, but this is the number the agency gave)

- The club requires dancers to have 2-3 approved costume changes per night and offers advances toward costume purchases. Expect their own costume sellers and high prices. A few costumes and a few pairs of shoes later, here goes another $500.

-You can’t live on 1 meal a day, and if you are only paid at the end of the month, you’ll need those daily $50 advances. Trust me. That’s $1,500.

1,600+300+300+500+500+1,500= $4,600

That’s $4,600 that a dancer will owe before she even sees any of her own money. And it’s very unlikely that a dancer will make the required $8,300 in the first month, so deduct another $10/day.

It’s not hard to see, before long, she’ll be indebted to the club and in no position to refuse any kind of work.

And this is all assuming that the agency is legit, and the above numbers and facts are all correct, and there is no actual coercion involved…

…although the club that the agency mentions on their website has a horrible reputation and there have been numerous articles circulation about its suspected involvement into sex trafficking.

There is a ton of money to be made in the sex trade, and there are a ton more leeches who would stop at nothing to suck the $$ out of the earners. The agents who claim a $1,600 monthly fee for nothing, are a good example. Pimps who exploit women in return for “protection”.  Recruits and suppliers of girls for non-consensual sex work. Sex work is dangerous enough as it is, but when it involves international migration, agencies and middle-men, it becomes that much more risky- you just don’t know who’s waiting for you at the destination, or what their motivations might be.

It may seem easier to sign up for a guarantee of $8,300 per month and take your chances, but is it really worth it? In the end this may cost a lot more than a just few (thusand) bucks. Really, it’s best to do it on your own, one step at a time. No one can guarantee you success, except your own skill and hard work.

You see, some time ago, I took a job in Europe (not related to dancing) and departed Canada. Since then, between work, home, travel and family life there has really been very little time to blog or work on that stripping guide I keep promising.

I haven’t danced in almost a year now, and although I’ve taken breaks from stripping before, I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without dancing, nor had  my lifestyle ever changed so drastically that I have pretty much decided that stripping is mostly likely the thing of the past now. It is unlikely that I will return to it again in the future.

That’s not to say that I won’t miss it, however. A few times a month I still dream about myself poledancing. In my dreams, the pole is usually suspended in thin air, thick fog, or even out in open space somewhere. And I, completely weightless, perform the poledance of all poledances- sexy, graceful and magical, and nothing like anything I’ve ever performed on stage in real life

My lifestyle is completely different now, it has a lot more structure- and routine- than it ever did when I danced. Although my work schedule is still rather flexible, family consumes the rest of my time rather completely.

My life may be different, and few, if any, people I meet would ever suspect that at 28 and with a decent job, I’d spent 7 years getting naked in front of strangers for money. It’s actually a mystery even to me, how after so many years dancing, so little in my appearance or manners can betray me. And this is despite the fact that many of the things I learned at the club became like second nature to me. For instance, I find that I still evaluate men for “spending potential” the same way I used to at the club- one look around the room (bar, restaurant) is enough to establish  who’s “my client” and who isn’t. I also automatically go into stripper mode each time I try to get out of receving a speeding ticket or having to pay for parking etc (no, I don’t start undressing or try to lapdance. By stripper mode I mean the subtle flirting mode that is meant to get him to say ‘yes’ to your request.)

A year post-stripping, and I have zero regrets, except one- that among the friends I have in the country where I am now, there are very -VERY- few, with whom I could share any of the stories from my stripper past. Gender revolution hasn’t happened here yet, and any kind of sex work is extremely looked down upon. That may be unfortunate for me, but it may well be a good thing for this blog or for the stripper guide e-book: if I have no one to tell my stories to, then I am going to have to write them.

Four bags of clothes packed, including one full bag of dancer wear that I’m simply too bored with to wear ever again. (Sidenote: My used streetclothes usually go to Value-Village, but I’ve always had a problem getting rid of my old work clothes- it somehow feels wrong to donate stripper clothes to the poor or sell it to other dancers, yet I definitely don’t want to throw them out! So all my packed-up work clothes just end up sitting in boxes in my basement, mounting evidence to my ‘second’ life.

Sidenote 2: Never had problem selling my old work shoes though-not to dancers, of course, but to shoe fetishists. Damn, those guys sure love those shoes!)

Here are some sexy numbers I couldn’t help but order (all images are clickable):

Simple, white, sparkly, and glows in black light. It comes in 7 colors and the black one is quite nice too. $39.50 from flirtcatalog.com

Satin lace dress. Yes. I’m a sucker for little lace dresses, and have owned more of them than should be enough for any sane person..but this one is dead sexy. It’s now on sale for $59.95

Long sleeve crop tops are fantastic. Super comfortable, great as both stripper and street clothes as they can be worn with jeans, skirts etc. $27.50, available in 6 colors.

Camouflage skirts, kilts, and any mini-skirt made to look like some sort of uniform are always a huge hit with customers. I learned that the night I bought my first school-girl kilt. It paid for itself 5 times within the first few hours of my work shift. I paid $95 for mine, and this one is on sale for $19.50

Not really a costume skirt- but a cute number that will go with just about anything! $27.50 (also comes in bright pink…if that’s what you like. I prefer black. )

Make sure you click on the image and see this one up close- it’s perfect, and my number One find of 2011 so far. Antique suede bikini set with eyelet trim. Can’t wait until it arrives in the mail! ( 3 colors, $79.50, which is a bargain!)

Ok, this one will I will keep for personal use, but I thought I’d share anyway.

I am one of very few women who hates the hassle of going out shopping, so being able to shop for everything I need online,  without having to get out of bed, is 100% for me.

Where do you shop for work clothes?

First of all promoting sex work (or advertising just about anything to do with sex and pornography) is against Facebook ad policies. As someone who’s done some FB advertising in the past (non sex-related), I know that FB is usually quite strict about reviewing every ad before it goes live. In fact, I’ve had quite a few of my own ads disapproved. So, I am quite surprised that an ad that so blatantly violates the rules should somehow get published.

But why does the ad make me uncomfortable enough to want to complain about it? After all, I’m sure that age/sex targeting is set to women who have reached the age of majority (at least I certainly hope so). Plus, having danced for the better part of the last 7 years, I take no issue with sex work. Well, sort of. I support honest sex work, but find massage parlours to be questionable.

Part of this attitude I acquired a few years ago, when massage parlours started gaining traction in Toronto, cleverly offering more than strippers do, and for less money. Although I never really found that I lost any clients because of this, I’ve heard too many dancers blame masseuse-girls for the money they themselves didn’t make. I took issue with massage parlours when, having walked to my car one night after work, I found a flyer for a parlour on my windshield. Hour long massage packages, some of which promised a full release to potential customers, were priced at less than half of what most dancers charge for an hour in the VIP. Massage parlours went on the aggressive campaign meant to undercut strip clubs and steal their clients.

That was the beginning, and soon afterwards, the effects of the parlour campaigns became more noticeable- not even in the fact that clubs were no longer as full as before (SARS scare, smoking ban, the economy – all had something to do with it), but the fact that more and more strip club customers started bargaining. Simply put, suddenly, customers acquired this sense of entitlement, this knowledge of what they should expect for $20. Or $40. Or $60. What used to be known as an ‘extra’ became the new norm, something he openly asked for, arguing that since the girls in the parlours did it, it was now part of the deal.

I left small bars and moved to bigger, more exclusive clubs, where customers came for the experience, not for a full release, and where bargaining- if there was any- was about $100s, not $20s. My income didn’t suffer. If anything, I gained much more by moving to larger, greener pastures. But my animosity toward massage parlours remained, something I discovered when I saw that ad on Facebook. A few years ago, the parlours moved onto the club’s turf in search of business. Now, they are moving into the public domain- and somehow, someone reviewing the ads, let it slide.

Although I fully defend the right of a woman to decide what to do with her body, I am also very clear with myself about what has to stay in the bedroom, or the club, and what gets displayed in public. There is a place for everything, including prostitution, pornography and sex jobs postings, as well as industry websites that carry information, offer tips and help.

But sex work marketing does not belong in the PG rated domain. Reaching out to young women via their personal Facebook pages, luring them into prostitution with promises of money is intrusive, unethical, deceiving, and –I am pretty sure- illegal.

So, next time that ad pops up on my page, I will very likely report it. What would you do if you were me?

1) I felt I was in good company;

2) I felt that now – at last – strippers were recognized as educated women, rather than pitied as ‘victims’ or dismissed/condemned as women of loose morals;

3) I liked seeing the term ‘stripper’ used as a job title, not a demeaning label.

I was even more excited when a few days later a Toronto newspaper contacted me, asking for my comments on the story and whether I could estimate the number of college or university educated women among Toronto strippers. I replied with an enthusiastic email in which I shared that:

1) Many exotic dancers (especially Eastern European women) who immigrated to Canada as adults have postsecondary degrees that they were unable to apply either because their language skills aren’t up to par, or because they require recertification or additional coursework, which is both time consuming, very expensive and doesn’t guarantee a well-paying job placement;

2) Quite a few dancers only strip part time and have demanding full time jobs, many of which require some form of postsecondary training (i.e. teachers);

3) Percentage of dancers who already have or are studying toward a degree in a given club hugely depends on the type of strip club and its location. Big city strip clubs are more likely to have higher numbers of educated dancers than small town strip joins (not fact, but this is my own estimation based on experience and observation);

4) Most women who contact me through this blog are students who are considering exotic dancing as a means of paying their way through school and covering the sky-high cost of living in Toronto.

I was looking forward to the possibility that the newspaper might run a story that would ask questions about what it actually means that such a high percentage of exotic dancers have degrees. For instance, why do so many educated and skilled women choose to work in sex trade? How does this percentage compare to other service industries? What does it say about the ability of our society to fully utilize the talent and expertise that took years and thousands of dollars in tuition fees to acquire? ( days later, 2 things happened. Craiglist shut down its adult services, and there was an announcement that Canada would be cracking down on sex trafficking in order to save the victims – sex workers and strippers.)

Consider this. Approximately 8,000 women currently hold exotic dancer licences in Toronto (this does not include other areas of the GTA. They have different licensing requirements.) If the UK numbers applied here (and it seems very plausible to me that they would), then about 2,000 of downtown Toronto strippers either possess university/college degrees or are working toward them. That’s 2,000 able and educated women, most of whom at one point decided that stripping was a more desirable way to earn a living and support their families.
We already knew that many of our university educated minds defect to the USA to seek well-paid employment there. Now we know that many others find sex work to be more lucrative than employment in their field of studies. Why is that?

Are all these women simply misguided? Morally corrupt? Naturally promiscuous? Greedy? Or does this number suggest that we, as a society, are far more willing to pay for sex and entertainment, than spend our resources on producing and utilizing brilliant teachers, nurses, designers etc?

I’d guess it’s the latter, although we deny it every step of the way. We want sex- in music, television, clothing, social trends and government policy. Sex all the way and from every angle.
This is where condemnation of honest sex work and victimization of sex workers proves especially sexy and worthwhile. Canada allows prostitution, but living of the avails of prostitution is illegal. Pimping is bad. Exploitation is bad. Only crackdowns on sex trafficking don’t yield results because rather than hunting down actual criminals, they focus on sex workers and saving those who made a conscious choice to engage in sex work and do not want to be saved.

You see, as long as you have an active sex trade, there is a steady flow of government funding. As long as you keep feeding heart-wrenching victim stories to the public and rejecting the notion that sex work can and often is a choice, as long as you ignore the numbers (25%!), money is made, careers are built. The ‘rescue’ industry thrives.

Now, that’s pimping!

But I am optimistic. The newspaper article may come out yet, and –gasp – it may even ask the right questions. I probably won’t see it tomorrow morning, or next week, but maybe once day I’ll find a small write up somewhere between the ad for American Apparel and Gaga-related gossip. A discussion of actual numbers and real issues is what I’d like to see. Until then, I’ll enjoy my time on the club stage. It’s the one place where I don’t think about whether my 2 degrees were ever worth it.

But while I wait, I continue to navigate through the convoluted rules and tipping ‘traditions’ of individual clubs, trying to be reasonably generous and to avoid bad karma as I do. That last bit is a little more tricky than it might seem at first. So let me take a few minutes to talk about strip club payouts and tipping etiquette in Toronto.

Strip Club Freelance Fees

Usually, new dancers are advised to use common sense: come to work on time, show up for your stage shows, pay club fees and ‘take care’ of your DJs and wait staff. Only the idea of ‘common sense’ is actually different from club to club, and many new dancers, having developed certain work habits, are often reluctant to adjust when they change venues.

Let’s start with the basics: club fees, or floor fees. Back in the day, this was synonymous with the DJ fee, a set amount each dancer was expected to pay the DJ for the permission to work in a club on a particular night. Today, club fees and DJ fees are not the same thing.

The club fee is usually a set amount ($20-30, in most cases, rising to $40 or more after 9pm), that a freelance dancer pays to the club manager prior to starting work. In most clubs, this allows her to work for the rest of the day (or night), take as many breaks as she wants, and leave whenever she decides to leave, be it after 1 hour or 10 hours. This is the case in most Toronto clubs.

At the Sundowner (Niagara Falls), the business of club fees is a bit more complex. The fee rates vary depending on the time of the day and the day of the week. For instance, if you sign in at noon, you pay $20, and at 12.01 the fee rises to $40. At 4pm it drops back down to $20, rising again at 5pm. You better make sure you are at work by 9m, as that’s when the freelance fee skyrockets to $90. In addition to the fee, the Sundowner requires its freelance dancers to stay a minimum of 5 hours and to leave only after the manager has signed you out (if you leave without permission, you’ll be charged $50 fine next time you return to work.) Sundowner has 2 work shifts on a given day, and each dancer is expected to pay a fee for each shift she works. That means that if you arrive at noon and want to stay until 2:30am, then you’ll have to sign in and pay a second freelance fee at 7pm.

Clubs like For Your Eyes Only (Toronto) have chips system in place: clients compensate dancers in chips that they have previously bought from the club. Dancers then cash in their chips and get paid the next day, after their earnings have been processed and a certain percentage has been deducted as club fees.

In most reasonable clubs, freelance dancers are expected to do 1 or 2 stage shows, upon DJ’s request. Most clubs will allows you to opt-out of doing a show for an additional fee (ie. $10 at Jilly’s, up to $50 at the Sundowner.) Other clubs, such as the Brass Rail, will refund you $10 for every show you do (so, if you come to work before 9pm, pay your $20 fee and do 2 shows, you will get your club fee back.) In most cases, clubs hire several dancers for shift work (paying anywhere from $45 to $100 per 7-8 hour shift), and freelancers go on stage only if 1) they want to, in order to gain exposure and promote themselves; 2) there aren’t enough scheduled dancers and the DJ needs them. Some busier clubs can run solely on freelancers, which means that if there aren’t enough dancers, you will be expected to do 2, 3, 4 or even 5 shows, as necessary, for no extra pay.

Tipping Strip Club DJs

Not all strip club DJ’s are created equal. Their terms of employment and salary (if any) are specific to the establishment that employs them, and can vary greatly from club to club. This directly affects how much and how often you should expect to tip your DJ to avoid bad karma.

One Toronto club where I worked 6 years ago actively discouraged tipping its DJ’s so that ‘they don’t get lazy.’ In most strip clubs, tipping your DJ is not required but is greatly encouraged (and is an absolute must if you want to build a good working relationship. After all, inside the strip club, his (or, less frequently, hers) is the ‘voice of God’ that has the power to make you look fantastic on stage with just a few words. Or to ruin your show altogether. You choose.) At the Sundowner, a minimum of $5 tip per DJ per shift is mandatory. Weekend DJs, who do not receive a salary from the Sundowner and instead pay the club a percentage of their DJ fees, are very demanding and you should be prepared to tip out at least $20 or you’ll have a hard time getting on stage (and risking $50 club fine for a missed show.)

As a rule of thumb, I tip a small amount every shift, and reward my DJs generously if there were any favours involved (i.e. postponing the time of my stage show if I am busy in the VIP making money.)

Tipping House Moms and Other Strip Club Staff

Some more upscale strip clubs keep a ‘house mom’, a woman who is there to take care of most of your needs. The house mom will keep a supply of drinking water, snacks, and gum. She’s the person to go to if you run out of tampons, wipes, deodorant or spray tan. Many house moms keep a sewing kit around, and I’ve even met one who brought her own sewing machine to the club to fix costumes and do basic alterations right in the dressing room. More often than not, the house mom is not directly employed by the club, so you are expected to tip her generously. It’s best to start by compensating her each time you need something, but as you build trust, you can just tip her in one lump sum at the end of the night.

Some clubs also keep makeup artists and other professionals, all of whom need to be paid. I’ve never come across one in Toronto, but I’ve heard this is quite common in bigger US clubs, and dancers are required to have their makeup done and costumes picked by on-site professionals.

Tipping Doormen and Bouncers

Strip club doormen and bouncers are there to ensure your safety. If there is ever a customer who is unwilling to pay or is trying to rip you off, you rely on the bouncer to get your money. It’s always a good idea to show a little appreciation for them, and make sure to tip generously every time they help you in any way.

Tipping Wait Staff and Bartenders

Bartenders and wait staff know who is spending, who isn’t, so they can point you in the direction of the customer who has an open tab going and is ready to indulge. Or they can give the heads up to another dancer. Take care of your wait staff, always reward them generously for their help, and encourage your customers to tip them well also. Your efforts will be appreciated and will pay off.

**

All that being said, don’t go all out on tipping just out of desire to make friends and impress your co-workers. Rather, estimate what other dancers find appropriate for your club, and follow suit. If you tip more than you can afford, you’ll both hurt yourself and create many bitter and confused staff when your generosity runs dry. Finally, if you are low on cash, offer to buy a soft drink, or bring them a coffee, but never tip less than a $5. No one likes to be thanked in small change.

Earlier this month, the Pickton case report was made public. For those who don’t know who Pickton is, here is a brief summary.

Robern Pickton is a convicted serial killer, who from the 1997 to 2001 tortured and killed on his pig farm a number of prostitutes from Vancouver Lower East Side, B.C.. The exact number of the women Pickton killed is not known. He was convicted of 6 murders, charged with 20 more. Following the arrest, in a conversation with an undercover police officer who posed as his cellmate, Pickton confessed to 49 murders in total, adding that he was really going for 50, but got sloppy. There is evidence that Pickton mixed the body remains of his victims with pork and handed it out to friends and family, it is also likely that he fed the bodies directly to his pigs (more on Pickton).

As early as 1999, there was clear evidence of Pickton’s connection to the missing women. There were eyewitness reports of bloody women’s clothing found on his farm, and one witness (a prostitute who’d been previously stabbed by Pickton) claimed to have seen a human body hanging from a meat hook in his barn. Yet Pickton was not arrested until 2002, and committed several more murders in the meantime.

The 400 + report into the Pickton case investigated what went wrong and why it took the police and RCMP so long to arrest and charge him. In the press conference that took place on the day the report was released, it was stated that miscommunication between the Vancouver Police and RCMP was to blame for the errors and delays in the missing women’s case.

The relatives of the murdered women (and many others) don’t buy into that explanation, maintaining instead that the authorities handled the case as carelessly as they did precisely because the missing women were prostitutes (and thus seen as disposable to society). One of Pickton’s victims was an unidentified Native American woman, whose extremities were found on the farm, while her skull surfaced elsewhere in the area. During trial, the Judge dropped the charge of her murder altogether.

Having been convicted in the deaths of 6 women, Pickton received the maximum sentence available in Canada for murder- life in prison with no parole for 25 years. A few weeks ago, the decision was made not to try him for the murders of the other 20 women (not to mention dozens more whom he claims to have killed).  No one will answer for the remaining 45 murders. Case closed.

Or  is it?

*

The view of sex workers as expandable and disposable faceless beings isn’t really new. Although we may claim to have come a long way since the days of Jack the Ripper, on the whole we are still a lot more fascinated with the lives, the psyches and the personal stories of serial killers than we are concerned about the suffering and the rights of their victims. Especially so if the perpetrator is a sex criminal and his victims are sex workers. We pathologically continue to mythologize the killers, giving them tons of room to play in our popular culture. How else would one explain the numerous criminal investigation shows (a few, incidentally, ran episodes that alluded to the Pickton case). How else can we explain songs such as ‘Hooker Fortified Pork Products’, written about Pickton’s atrocities by the Seattle band the Accused? The song goes on to describe the ‘pork products’ as full of heroine and AIDS. Is it not an example of our complete social detachment  and indifference to the suffering of those whom we, as a society, view as lesser humans?

This attitude is disgusting, its inhumane, its wrong in every way.

But its too slow to change.

Have you heard the popular hooker joke? It goes like this: If you rape a hooker, is it rape or shoplifting?

I’ve heard it too many times, but not once have I found it remotely funny. I’ve heard many other stories about prostitutes and strippers beat up or set on fire – all discussed as entertainment, with laugher. I’ve seen strippers get beat up with club furniture while other patrons ‘politely’ looked the other way.

I’ve heard the way some  men talk about sex with trafficked and abused women who are in the sex trade by coercion, not choice. Business is business, they say. If I pay, it’s rightfully mine. Regardless of whether the woman consents to it.

I remember a dancer who got raped by 2 men she’d been dancing for hours earlier- but I cannot recall any police investigation of the rape.

I remember another dancer, who was saying ‘no!’ but was too drunk to fight back when a guy  tried to mount her. I was told not to interfere, because ‘what does it matter, he’s horny and it’s free for the taking’( I did interfere, by the way. And was criticized for it later.)

And I’ve seen police turn a blind eye and dismiss reports of abuse against sex workers—and heard stories about crimes that were never reported, because they ‘would be dismissed anyway.’ Ironically, I’ve caught many glimpses of police officers strolling through the  club VIP and eyeing the naked dancers whenever police were called to the area for any reason.

For a consumer society where sex, ideas and allusions to sex are continuously used to sell just about any product from cars to floor mops to yogurts, refusal to extend basic respect, protection and consideration to sex workers is pretty damn hypocritical to say the least.

*

Now, I’ve digressed. What I actually wanted to talk about in this post is my own experiences with danger (or lack thereof) during the years I’ve spent dancing. Unlike many women I know, I have been very lucky. But there were several occasions when I seriously wondered if that would remain the case.

In 2004, after Pickton was already arrested, I worked a lot of evening shifts. One night, there was an older, chubby client who sat by the bar turning away every dancer who approached. When I came up to try my luck, the man looked me up and down and suddenly became overly friendly. We chatted for a bit and he told me that he was from out of town. He didn’t want a dance, but had a strange request. He wanted me to walk from the bar, past the stage and toward the DJ booth, with my back turned to him, as fast as I could. Better yet- he wanted me to run. Every time I did the walk, he gave me a $100 bill. I repeated the walk 6 times, and he kept paying, requesting ‘one more time’ and getting very turned on, giggling and grabbing himself. Uneasy about what was going, I asked him what it was about the walk that he found so exciting. Without hesitation, the man told me that the sight of me running away in my heels is something that he would be enjoying at his farm later that night, and that what he was seeing now was just a teaser.

Was I creeped out? You better believe it. I excused myself to use the washroom and informed the bouncers. One of them monitored the man, while the other stayed with me as I changed into my street clothes, then he walked me to my car and made sure I was safe to go home. I was told the man left the club about an hour after I’d left, that’s all I know of him.

More recently, I acquired a new daytime regular client, whose generosity grew every time he came to see me. A couple of weeks after I’d met him, the average sum he’d spend on me per visit (he never stayed more than an hour) increased from $500 to $1,500. But his tendency to pry and attention to every detail also increased. Tim wanted to know absolutely everything about me: when and where I was born, whether my family was living nearby and if I was close with them. He asked if I was married, or living with a boyfriend, often repeating his questions to check for consistency in my (mostly made up) answers. Tim wanted to know where I lived, how late I worked and if anyone came to pick me up from the club. In no time at all, he figured out what car I drove, and deducted where I went to school (and what I studied) by the University notebooks that I’d accidentally left in the back seat.

It was creepy. But Tim was spending, and as long as I only saw him at the club, I didn’t feel particularly threatened. Then one day he decided it was time to meet on the outside. We played this game for a while, me promising a dinner together one day, him insisting on more and offering a generous compensation. Finally, he started to demand that I set the time for us to meet, so – carefully – I gave him a date a month away. Tim got excited beyond belief, started talking and giggling to himself, as if he was unaware that I was even there. He was planning out our date – dinner, oysters, champagne, sensual massages, a bath tub… His excitement was entertaining –  right up until the point when the monologue about ‘us’ evolved into a barely comprehensible babble about what he would later do to my body and where he would take it once he was done with me.

I silently freaked out, waited a few minutes, and lied to him that I’d already notified a friend who’d be driving me to our meeting and hanging around to pick me up when it’s over- ‘safety reasons, standard procedure, nothing personal.’ Upon hearing this, Tim’s overstated delight turned into rage – he yelled that everything was to be done in secrecy, no one was to know about him, and that by telling a friend I’d ruined all the fun for him. He stormed out the club, sent me one nasty email later that night, and was gone for good.

Unlike those strippers and other sex workers who’ve encountered abuse, rape, torture or even death at the hands of their clients, I’ll never find out whether either one of these 2 clients ever posed any real threat to me. This makes me very lucky and very grateful indeed.

Not wanting to ever find myself in a situation where the answer to that question is a painful and inescapable YES is what keeps me sober and on guard in all my strip club interactions. As tempting as it sometimes is to let go and indulge- to have a few drinks, to relax and to accept a generous offer that seems too good to be true, I try to never forget that the only person who can ultimately ensure my safety is me.

Because by the time the police get involved, it’s often far too late.

In most Canadian clubs, and Toronto strip clubs in particular, strippers make their money by selling private dances. I like to divide private dances five categories.

1) Table Dances.

These are the dances that take place in the main area, by the customer’s table and in full view of the stage. Back in the day, clubs had horse-shoe shaped tables, inside of which a table dance would be performed. Some clubs still have horse shoe tables (i.e. Sundowner in Niagara Falls), but nowadays they are few and far between. A table dance is a very low contact dance, and sometimes no physical contact is allowed between a dancer and a client at all. Regardless of the number of customers present at the table (or the number of customers present in the club at the time of the dance), the price of a table dance is set by the club and is either the same as the price of a private lap dance – $20, or $10. A single table dance equals the length of one song or roughly 3.5 minutes. A dancer cannot charge more than the set price per one table dance.

Not all clubs allow table dancing, and even in those that do, many dancers prefer to lap dance in a private booth, one on one. Because tableside dances can be seen by the rest of the club patrons, a dancer can both dance and promote herself to other customers at the same time. I have met many strippers who prefer table dances over private lap dances. While giving a table dance, they would be discreetly flirting at/smiling at another client, to whose table they would proceed afterwards for the next dance.

PLUS: On a busy night, it is possible to make excellent money by performing no contact dances simply by moving from table to table.

MINUS: Men’s eyes like to wander around the club and check out other dancers. A stripper is unlikely to perform more than a handful of table dances at once, as the clients will want to ‘check out’ the rest of the girls.

2) Low Contact/ No Contact Private Dances.

They take place in the semi-private VIP, or lounge area, away from the main room. In the past, dancers had a small stool that they would position a few feet away from the client, and perform a striptease while standing on the stool. Few, if any, strip clubs use stools anymore, but some are very strict when it comes to any physical contact between a dancer and her client. Low contact dances usually cost $20 per song. If you are a dancer who is uncomfortable about being touched in any way at all, a low/no contact club may be your best option.

3) Lap Dances.

In Toronto, most strippers make their money by selling lapdances. By definition, a lap dance is a high contact dance. A dancer may sit on a client’s lap and rub up against him. Some touching is allowed, although Canadian law forbids any touching that is explicitly sexual in nature (no touching of genitalia, no sexual acts, no masturbation etc). A lap dance is the most ‘upclose and personal’ type of a private dance. In most Toronto clubs, private lap dances are performed in semi-private VIPs (away from the main areas, but where dancing ‘couples’ are in plain view of one another). The Brass Rail, Zanzibar, Filmores and Jilly’s have semi-private dancing lounges. Some clubs have very private VIP booths that are hidden from view and have barely enough space to fit a chair for a client and a small stool for his drink or belongings. The House of Lancaster, for example, has booths like that (with red panic buttons on the wall, so a dancer can alert the bouncer in case a problem arises.) For reasons of hygiene, safety and personal comfort, I avoid clubs with booths that are overly private (and have a need for panic buttons!)

Some clubs charge clients a fee (of $10 or $20) to use the VIP (Jilly’s, House of Lancaster on Queensway). There are also clubs that charge their dancers a few bucks per each song she spends in the VIP. Most clubs, however, make their money from alcohol sales and dancer freelance fees, and don’t set additional fees.

A lap dance costs $20 per song. On busy nights when there are line-ups to use the VIP, in order to compensate for the time wasted waiting, some dancers set a lapdance minimum- say, of 3 to 5 dances.

4) Private Dance For a Couple (or 2 or more people.)

It’s becoming more and more commonplace for couples to visit strip clubs and wanting to enjoy a lap dance together. Sometimes, friends or even business associates will insist on getting a private dance in the VIP together (I’m serious! Business associates enjoying a sexy lap dance together.) Technically, a VIP dance is $20 per song per person, so a couple would pay you $40 per song. However, most people expect to pay a flat $20 per dance, so it’s best to discuss the pricing in advance and avoid any post-dance disagreements on the owed amount (unless you request to be paid upfront.)

PLUS: in practice, the cost of a lap dance for a couple is kind of a grey area. I found the best strategy is to explain that the price is $20 per song per person or $40 per couple, but then to offer to cut it to $30 per song if they get more than one dance. Because few couples would be prepared to buy more than a single dance at $40 per song, you actually end up making more money giving a $30 dance.

5) Champagne Room Dances.

Few Toronto strip clubs have champagne rooms, but those that do rent out the rooms – usually small semi-private lounge-like rooms with a sofa and a table – on hourly basis. The champagne room rental costs about $100 (payable to the club), or is provided ‘free of charge’ with a purchase of a bottle of champagne. The dancer is paid not for individual dances, but for each hour of her company ($400/hour), regardless of whether she dances or not. The Upper Brass has several champagne rooms that are rented out for $100/hour. They can also be rented out for 3 hours (‘free’ with a purchase of a $400 bottle of champagne). Obviously, upselling to 3 hours in the VIP (3x$400= $1,200) is one of the fastest ways for a dancer to make her money.

Even in clubs that don’t have champagne rooms, a dancer can negotiate an hourly rate. Depending on the level of privacy of the VIP and other factors, it can be $400, but usually much less – around $250-300.

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Tipping a dancer on stage is not very typical for Toronto. Tipping was commonplace when $2 dollar bills were still in circulation, and has nearly ceased since then. Clubs that are located close to the US border and clubs that get a lot of American clients still see a lot of $1 bills in tips. Stage tipping with $5 and $20 bills is not very common, but does happen sometimes. Personally, although I’ve been tipped with $20s (and even $50s) on stage, Niagara Falls was the only place where I made consistent money in stage tips.

Once in a while, a well meaning (or an ill meaning) customer can throw a loonie or a twonie on stage. Stepping on a coin during a show can cause a dancer to slip, fall and injure herself, while having it thrown at her will leave a nasty bruise. So it’s a good idea to scan the stage floor for any change and keep an eye out for it during the show.

Most dancers make their living by selling most these types of private dances. Feature stage performers that were popular years ago are now rare in Toronto, so striptease has become less of a stage performance and more of a private one-on-one deal. Today, a stage show is primarily a way to promote yourself to your potential customers in order to sell private dances to them later, so while it’s a good idea to have a sexy stage performance, most of the dancer’s efforts should be directed toward individual dances.

To a layperson, for whom stripping is a label, the idea of a stripper school might indeed sound like a joke. But to a dancer for whom stripping is a profession and a way to make a living, proper training is something that can ensure her success in the industry (paying off debts, putting herself and her kids through school, retiring early etc) in the long term.

Stripping is a sales job. No more, no less. Only when it comes to stripping, it means being in a top physical shape, utilizing knowledge of human psychology, persuasion and negotiation skills, ability to beat the competition, all while wearing 6 inch heels.  And that’s before clothes come off and money exchanges hands. So anyone who reduces stripping to nudity and ‘shaking one’s moneymaker’ and ‘easy money’ has it dead wrong.

Today, there are a few stripper training programs around and available online. Some are great and comprehensive guides written by experienced dancers, and others are nothing but quick money making schemes that seek to scam new dancers from their earnings.

I accidentally came across one of these scams earlier today. I stumbled upon a landing page for a stripper training course that I haven’t heard of before.  Naturally curious, I scrolled down, carefully read the sales letter for features, benefits and program details. The copy was vague and poorly written, built on a single promise to turn anyone into a fantastic stripper who makes a ton of money. According to the letter, the program was an online course that came with a few bonuses, among them an ebook (that’s available for free to anyone willing to Google it) and a pretty rhinestone necklace.

All for a ‘measly’ price of $2,000.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. $2,000! I Googled the author’s name and found nothing. I wanted to Google the name of the program- but it had none! No name, no background info, no blog, no course website. Nothing but a poorly written sales letter and the buy now button.

One could argue that it’s obvious that it’s a scam and no one in their right mind could fall for it…but even the Nigerian banker and penis enlargement scammers that send out millions of emails, turn thousands of dollars in monthly profits. All because those who are truly desperate (or truly naive) are sometimes willing to take that leap of faith.

But no legitimate respectable product will ever involve blind risk taking. The same rule applies to online stripper training programs. I want to say a few words about 2 stripper success programs with which I am personally familiar. They are both legit, very educational, well worth the money, and cost nowhere near $2,000.

The first program is Strip and Grow Rich. The program has been around since 2003 and in addition to an online video tutorial membership website offers live training workshops in Dallas, TX. Rebecca Avalon, who runs the program, is an active participant in several online exotic dancer communities (has been for years), there are numerous program reviews available online.

There is also 7 Step Strip Success, an ebook and personal coaching program offered by Jessica Simmonds. It’s a comprehensive guide into the ins and outs of the business, and includes a lot of great tips and techniques that help dancers maximize their earning potential. To some low-earning dancers, Jessica’s promise of being able to make $1,000 per night may seem like a stretch. Any successful stripper (me, for one) will tell you that it can certainly be done.

7 Step Strip Success is a must-read for anyone who is serious enough about making an excellent living stripping. Jessica herself is one of the world’s top earning strippers, is very professional and easy to work with, and overall a great person. Her 3 month personal one-on-one email coaching program comes as a free bonus and is indispensable to the program, as it’s done through private emails where Jessica answers  all your questions. The cost of the program is a one-time payment of $97 and there is a 30 day no risk money back guarantee. There are plenty of reviews of 7 Step Strip Success available online. Check it out!

If you are a dancer who wants to learn how to succeed in your profession- you are already ahead of most. The days when stripper training was no more than a funny joke are behind us. There are numerous great books and programs available online for you to choose from, but there are also plenty of scammers eager to sell empty promises for a hefty price. When shopping around for a program, keep in mind two things: 1) if a program seems sketchy, it is likely to be a scam; and 2) Google is your best friend.

Good luck!

Most of the online resources available to strippers and other sex workers are written from the American perspective and about the American side of things. So I thought I’d put together a post that links to a few resources for Canadian exotic dancers. Let’s talk stripper law and safety.

Trials of the Sex Trade: A Survival Guide to Canada’s Legal Jungle is a series of booklets that were put out in the 90s. They deal with different aspects of the sex trade in Canada. There are 6 booklets in total (all conveniently available for download in PDF) and they provide some useful information to Canadian workers about legal aspects of their profession, where to seek protection in case of rape, harassment as well as in case of abuse from law enforcement officers.

Holding Court: Harlots, Strippers, Hustlers & Whores Tour the Halls of Justice:
This is one of the booklets of the Trials of the Sex Trade series. It describes legal procedures from arrest to sentencing, as well as offers tips about child welfare laws, small claims court and legal aid that may be available to sex workers.
It’s not a secret to anyone that people employed in the sex trade frequently don’t get the adequate protection from the law, and assault and/or rape claims made by strippers and prostitutes can sometimes be dismissed by the police. The booklet provides some good tips on what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

Bare Facts: How Dancers Get ‘Jerked’ Around by the law!
Also one of the booklets of the Trials of the Sex Trade series. It provides a quick overview of the evolution of Canadian law in regards to stripping and offers some great tips on how to protect yourself from those law enforcement officers who want to abuse their power for personal gain.

Any new exotic dancer should read this, as you never know when this information may come in handy. Here is a quick rundown. Every dancer knows that strip clubs get regularly visited by inspectors- undercover cops who pose as customers. While on the premises of the club, the inspectors investigate if any laws are being broken. They may try soliciting for drugs or sex, for example. More often, an undercover cop will just buy a private lap dance (100% legal) in order to see if the dancer engages in any ‘indecent’ act (illegal and will get you charged). Here is the thing: what exactly constitutes illegal (aside from intercourse, masturbation etc) is really a subjective thing. In other words, the cop decides when to lay charges and which charges to lay. At the end of the day, even if you have done nothing wrong, it will be the cop’s word against yours in court… and guess whom the judge is likely to take more seriously?

A few years back I worked in a club that had an open VIP lounge, where individual dancing areas weren’t hidden from view. So, any of the 20 dancers (and their clients) could easily watch me give a lap dance, as I could watch them. Not much privacy there. No reason to worry about any indiscretions, right?

Well, on one slow weeknight I was approached by a 30-something guy who introduced himself as Peter, and asked for a dance. I was in a bubbly mood, and was making jokes and chatting away as I lap danced. Peter seemed disappointed by the time 3.5 minutes were up, and left after only one dance. Before I even had a chance to get dressed, he was back in the VIP, with Stacy.

I was friends with Stacy. She went to school for sociology, was a big germophobe and – really – one of the ‘cleanest’ dancers I’ve ever met. Despite the protests of the club management, she often refused to remove her panties on stage, and kept at least 2 feet away from her clients in the VIP. It was her looks and her youth – rather than her lap dances – that made her money.

Stacy did one dance for Peter. He insisted on getting more than she was willing to do, she refused and told him off. For that, she got charged with indecent performance.

Although it was Stacy who’d be facing the judge (and dealing with the consequence of the humiliating charges), it could have just as easily been me. Or someone else, whose crime was not doing something wrong in the eyes of the law, but rather in resisting the advances of a law enforcement officer.

In other words, just because you play by the rules doesn’t mean that you are always protected. So take a look at the booklet. Aside from the useful information it also has some fantastic hand drawn illustrations that are a must-see.

Yonilicious

This is the blog of Annie Temple, Vancouver exotic dancer and adult business owner. Annie also runs NakedTruth.ca, an online community for Canadian sex trade workers (one of the best things about this communitiy is the forum that’s restricted only to sex industry professionals and is off limits to outsiders. You identity will be verified before you are granted access to the forum.) Both websites keep track of Canadian sex industry news and media, and provide tons of other information, including some very comprehensive safety guides for sex workers etc.

If you know of other useful resources for Canadian strippers, please mention them in the comments or by email,and I’ll link to them.

Human sex pheromones act by intensifying the pheromones that your body naturally produces, making you more appealing and more sexually attractive to the opposite sex. Translated into our day to day life, this means an extra edge in all social situations where making a good impression is necessary. In a strip club, where competition is fierce, having an extra edge translates into a lot of money.

Here is some basic pheromonal science:

The Good News: By nature, men are sexually attracted to fertile women. A woman is fertile in the middle of her monthly cycle when she is ovulating. At this time she has a special scent that signals that she is, pardon the terminology, available for breeding.

Many dancers will tell you that they consistently make more money when they are ovulating- with far less effort than usual! On those days, customers just ‘naturally’ flock around them, wanting dance after dance. There are even a few scientific studies that back this up (check out the 2007 study done by the Department of Psychology, University of New Mexico: Ovulatory Cycle Effects on Tip Earnings by Lap Dancers “…Eighteen dancers recorded their menstrual periods, work shifts, and  tip earnings for 60 days on a study web site. A mixed-model analysis of 296 work shifts (representing about 5300 lap dances) showed an interaction between cycle phase and hormonal contraception use. Normally cycling participants earned about US$335 per 5-h shift during estrus, US$260 per shift during the luteal phase, and US$185 per shift during menstruation. By contrast, participants using contraceptive pills showed no estrous earnings peak. These results constitute the first direct economic evidence for the existence and importance of estrus in contemporary human females, in a real-world work setting. These results have clear implications for human evolution, sexuality, and economics…”)

This brings us to the Bad News: Most exotic dancers are on some form of birth control, usually hormonal (the Pill or Nuva-ring, for example). These contraceptives work by preventing women from ovulating. Dancers who do not ovulate do not have a monthly earnings peak.

The Solution: Sex pheromone products.

Simply put, human sex pheromones work by indicating that a woman is fertile and available for mating. This automatically makes her far more sexually attractive to a man than other females around.

In a context of a strip club, where you are competing with every other dancer, a little boost in sexual appeal will give you a definite advantage over your rivals.

Love Scent carries an extensive collection of pheromone products. Unlike some of the other pheromone stores, Love Scent has very reasonable prices.

Love Scent has a big selection of scented and unscented perfumes and sprays. I really like their unscented products- they work great with the body mists I use at work (I generally avoid using strong perfumes at the club.)

You wear pheromone products exactly the way you would a normal perfume. Dab a little bit on your wrists, behind the ears, and on your neck. You can also put a few drops on the insides of your elbows and knees, or even your ankles.

Here is a tip: If you already have a regular client who is particularly attracted to one or two of your features- try applying pheromones there. For example, I have a customer who just loves smelling my hair. So, I put some Pheromax spray in my hair before taking him in the VIP, and he stays for a looong time.

Warning: If you are new to using pheromone sprays, start slowly and apply a little bit. Try not to overdo it. It’s better to apply the products on your skin rather than clothes. Mixed with your natural perspiration, the effect of pheromones will intensify. Avoid applying to fine clothing as it might stain the fabric.

If you are not sure about purchasing, you can request a free sample. Best of all, Love Scent stands by their products and all of their pheromone sprays and perfumes come with a 100% money-back guarantee.

Verdict: Love Scent pheromone products really do work. It’s pretty incredible how something we can’t even consciously smell makes such a difference in attracting someone! For any exotic dancer, pheromone perfume is an easy and affordable way to gain an extra edge over the competition and bring home more money. Definitely worth a try! So check it out.

Don’t treat your stage name as something trivial and unimportant. After all, it will become an integral part of your dancer persona and will come to represent you. In the business of exotic dancing, your name is a reflection of your personal brand.

So, when choosing a suitable name, think of the bigger picture and keep in mind the following questions:

What image do you want to project? Do you see yourself as a sophisticated seductress, an irresistible femme fatale? Do you want to work at an upscale establishment that requires their dancers to wear long gowns as part of their costume? Then Sable or Isabella are appropriate names.

Your dancer persona is your new alter ego. What kind of a person is she? How is she different from you? Is she outgoing, extroverted and a risk taker? Is she shy and coy? Or is she assertive and demanding like a Sasha or Nikita?

If you want to play up your sweet and flirty side, consider something as simple as Sugar, Honey, Chocolate or Delicious.

Are your looks unique when compared to other dancers in your club or area? Then why not focus on being exotic and pick an unusual name, like Penelope?

Or, instead of creating your dancer persona from scratch, you can mimic your style after popular celebrities such as Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus etc. I have met many dancers who have done so- successfully, I might add. Only a complete recluse hasn’t heard of Britney, Paris or Gaga, so by mimicking these stars, you will cash in on the fantasies that men have about them- the women that, as we are told every day from TV screens, magazine covers and billboards- are the epitomes of sexiness.

Finally, you can borrow from mythology and use the archetypal feminine names like Luna (taken! J ), Diana, Celeste, Bridget etc.

There are many dancers who simply keep their real first names and use them as stage names. Some do it for the sake of simplicity, others – in order to avoid having to answer uncomfortable questions  if approached and greeted by a friendly client while in public with family or uninformed friends.

When choosing a dancer name, think about the kind of clients you would like to attract. Who is your perfect customer? What kind of women does he like? You can appeal to men’s hobbies, art, you can borrow from literature (ie. Lolita), or even incorporate certain fetish fantasies. I’ve met several dancers who worked as ‘Horny’ and ‘Viagra’. If your dancer personality can live up to her name, then why not?

But be careful when picking a name that may have political or religious connotations, and if you are not sure, double check! In this industry it’s difficult to pick a name that would be offensive to a dancer or a patron…yet I have met several dancers who – mostly through ignorance rather than intent – have “succeeded.” For example, if you go by Kashmir and don’t know anything about the geo-political conflict, you probably won’t be having an easy time making small talk with a client from India or Pakistan.

About a year ago, I met a dancer who went by the name of Siberia. I was a bit puzzled as to why she’d chosen that name, so I decided to strike up a conversation. Siberia was in her early twenties and spoke English with an accent, so I asked if she was Russian. She said that she didn’t speak Russian, was actually from Southern Moldova, her mom a Bulgarian and her dad- a Romanian. But for some unknown reason, she still considered herself a 100% Russian and picked the name because Siberia represents the Russian strength and the kind of might that no one should mess with.

This was the only time in my years of stripping that I was genuinely offended by a dancer. Or, rather, by her utter ignorance. Not because she was pretending to be someone that she obviously wasn’t, but because she did not know the first thing about the person she was pretending to be! Siberia was completely unaware of the Soviet terror, genocide and the GULAG camps where tens of millions of people perished and were slaughtered like cattle under Stalin. (What baffles me is how it’s even possible for someone to come from a formerly Communist country and not know about the Repressions…it’s like coming from Poland having never heard about the Holocaust!)

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Your stage name will reflect your dancer persona and suggest the kind of experience you provide to your customers. Avoid Siberia’s mistake and, if you are not sure whether your desired name has any questionable connotations, double check it before you register.

On second thought, look it up even if you think you are sure.

While I defend the right of women to exercise control over their bodies- and their right to engage in any type of sex work they choose – years on the pole have taught me that most women are just not cut out for this. Too many women get trapped by the availability and lure of alcohol, drugs and flattery from the mouths of horny club patrons. All too often what starts as temporary means to making a quick buck or paying a few outstanding bills, or as a venture into a lifestyle that goes against the grain, soon becomes the downward spiral of substance abuse and total loss of control.

It is not in my power to prevent young women from becoming dancers- and it is not what I want to do. I’ve heard many people say that it’s the nature of the industry to ruin its women. But in my experience, it’s the ill-advised, uninformed and careless decisions, as well as misguided trust, that lead to disasters. Over the last 7 years in the industry, I’ve met many women whose experiences as dancers translate into stories of personal success; and many more women, who have nothing to show for it.

Instead of looking to discourage young women from becoming dancers, I want to share the experience and knowledge that I have acquired over the past 7 years and offer advice to those who are either just starting out or looking to do better as dancers.

This is why for the last little while this blog has seen few updates- I have been busy working on an E-book, my very own Bare Facts Guide to Stripper Success. The guide offers a general overview of the state of affairs in the industry today, explains the lingo, who is who and what is what. In the book, I answer many of the questions that I have received by email, offer a new way of conceptualizing what it means to dance and to be an exotic dancer, talk about the importance of having the right mindset and attitude, and share a plenty of indispensable tips, tricks and know-how that will help you make a maximum amount of money in a short time, all without compromising your integrity or endangering your safety.

After years of working at different clubs, reading books, seeking advice from successful dancers and speaking to club managers and directors, I am confident that I can walk into any club, anywhere and, knowing what I know, I will start making excellent money, right away, without wasting time. In the book, I share what I learned. I present my knowledge as a series of simple truths and rules that are easy to understand and follow. I implemented these rules and was successful. You can do the same.

Many young women, and I was once one of them, become seduced by the intoxicating upbeat, fast-paced environment of the industry. The promise of instant cash, payday everyday and never-ending flattery quickly become the norm. In other words, unexamined life in the world of sex, drugs and rock and roll threatens to blur the boundary between fantasy and reality, and to have detrimental effect on a dancer’s private life, career and personal relationships. Over the years, I have met all too many girls who have gone in the wrong direction simply because they lacked the necessary knowledge. By utilizing my experience in their work as exotic dancers, more young women will be able to effectively navigate through the maze of traps, illusions and deceptions, and come out as successful independent women.

The E-book that I will be making available very soon (keeping my fingers crossed for July) is meant as a guide, a kind of a roadmap that will make it easier to navigate through the industry: from the audition, to the stage, the change room, the clients, the VIP, and toward the promised pot of gold on the other end. I share the techniques that work, the tricks that have made me money, saved me time and kept me from having to compromise my values. All my theory is backed up by real life examples from my own experiences, to illustrate why certain approaches work. Finally, I give a step by step explanation of how I came to make over $1,000 in a single afternoon shift- and sometimes in as little as one hour.
I am very excited to be able to share my knowledge in a form of a comprehensive, easy-to-understand and indispensable guide to success in the exotic dancer industry. What I know has made me money; it will teach you how to do the same. So stay tuned as I apply finishing touches, the guide will be out shortly.

I bought into the idea that I’d be making more money per night giving out $10 dances and headed over to the House of Lancaster on Queensway (in Etobicoke) to make a killing. What did I find out? After a few weeks of endless hustling, explaining the price drop to those who wondered about it, I came out having made significantly less than I would normally at my home club. But this was not the only thing that upset me. I was frustrated about the continuous pressure I felt from my $10 customers to ‘do more’, I was tired of fighting off those who expected the kind of ‘interactive’ and border line illegal activities with which I felt uncomfortable. ‘If you are willing to get naked for $10 instead of $20, you obviously need the cash,’- one customer openly said to me as he was making himself comfortable in the VIP. – ‘So you better be working extra hard if you want to keep me here.’

When I returned to my home club, I asked Al, the talent manager, whether he had any plans to lower the lapdance prices in order to attract more clients. Al seemed puzzled by my question and told me that this was not something he was ever willing to consider.
A drop in price reads as a drop in value. Lowering prices of bare necessities is sometimes required, he said, but as a dancer, you are not a necessity, nor are you a charity. You are a luxury, offering the experience of your youth and beauty (or both) in exchange for money.

Over the years, I have met numerous dancers who have offered ‘discounted’ dances or have made deals (2 for $30 or 3 for $50). Some did it while battling the effects that SARS, non-smoking laws or the recession had on the industry. Others simply used it as a way to undercut other dancers, to succeed over their competition. In a very short run, it works. Some patrons will gladly go for the ‘cheaper product.’ However, an easy sell of 3 for $50 today means a loss of hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars in the future. You can’t sell a fantasy to a man who is only looking for a bargain, and if you are the one seeking out men who are anxious to take you up on your ‘good offer’, you are effectively putting a tight cap on your earnings.

Successful men who have taste, culture and wealth don’t disappear when epidemics or recession hit. They are still around, and they don’t haggle over the price of a single dance- they negotiate hours, evenings, or vacations. These men know what they want in a dancer: a beautiful, sexy, confident woman who knows her worth, someone whose presence reaffirms what they already believe to be true about themselves and their spectacular achievements. As a dancer, you really are a luxury that few can really afford, but those who can make it really worthwhile.
So why settle for being anything less??

Today, strip club owners complain about the shortage of dancers (some clubs, such as the House of Lancaster, Fairbanks and Jilly’s, run permanent WANTED ads in NOW, offering their potential dancers hourly wages and even benefits!).  Many of the dancers who have been in the industry long enough to remember ‘the good old days’, desperately migrate from one club to another hoping that being a ‘new face’ will make them a few extra bucks.

It is true, the situation has changed, and strip clubs are not what they used to be. But as every successful dancer will tell you, the potential to make excellent money remained. The key is in keeping up with the times, recognizing the changes in trends as they happen and adapting to them. More importantly, the secret to making a killing while stripping lies in steering clear of the common excuses that mediocre and unsuccessful dancers throw back and forth at each other in the dressing room while the rest of us are busy making money.

Here they are:

The economy is in recession, there is no money to be made.

There is always money to be made. Recession or no recession, there is always money that is waiting to change hands. When the economy is down in the dumps, the entertainment industry thrives. Why? Because people who are stressed out seek ways to make themselves feel better, they want reward themselves for all the hard work they do and sacrifices they make. Inside the strip club, that reward is you- access to your beauty, youth, sensuality. Offer your client the encouragement and reassurance of his self-worth, and he will reward you in return.

No one is spending.

If no one is spending, you are not doing your job. True, sometimes it takes as little as a smile and your perfect customer is following you into the VIP. Most nights, however, it will take a little more than that. Every man who walks into the club wants to feel liked. Talk to him, engage him, flirt with him and, at the very least, try to appear sincere as you do. Make his visit worthwhile, and he will reciprocate.

With all the extras that the other dancers are doing, I don’t have a chance to make any money.

If you know for a fact that there are illegal activities going on, and you are uncomfortable about that, change clubs and move on. In most cases, however, the only ‘extras’ that other dancers are performing is hustling- something that you should be doing instead of complaining in the dressing room.

Economy fluctuates, epidemics strike, and there is usually someone younger and more daring around.  But the fact remains: beautiful, confident, attentive and sexy women are always in high demand; and those of us who remember that always make money.

But I have also met a lot of patrons whose disabilities are far too real to be turned into games of egotistical sexual pursuit. For these men- limbless war veterans or those with severe neurological disorders and disfigurements- proximity to a naked woman is not an opportunity for a cheap laugh and a good story to tell later. Rather, the sight of bare female body and the inviting warmth it generates when the dancer is right next to them are as close as they ever get to being intimate with a woman. For many of these men, a dance equals an experience, the value of which is not measured in $20 bills.

I remember Mark. He was in his 30s, had some form of autism and lived at home under constant care of his parents. Every Thursday morning he received a weekly allowance of $50. Every Thursday afternoon he came into the Club where he bought one can of Coke and two private dances. He always used the remaining $5 to tip a girl on stage. Each time he picked me as his dancer of the week, Mark boasted about how he’d fooled his mother about his whereabouts.

- I kept my scooter charging all night to come here. – he’d say. – And when my mother asked where I was going, I told her I was going to the movies.
Or to the park. The story varied from week to week. Sometimes, when he managed to save up a little money, he would bring us gifts- key chains, little stuffed bunnies or other cheap souvenirs he’d picked up at a Dollar store.

I remember the way Mark touched my body. He’d lightly run his fingertips down my back, or my legs, barely touching me at all. His stare would get very intense and quietly, as if to himself, he’d be saying ‘wow…wow’. Before leaving the club, he’d always find me- and interrupt if I was with a client- to get his goodbye hug and tell me he’d see me the following week.

*
Then there was John, a middle aged war veteran, a large wheelchair-bound man who was missing both legs. The doormen were overly attentive to him, the waitresses always leaned in a little closer when taking his order, and the managers never failed to go over and offer a firm handshake. Yet John seemed to hate this attention, and he would take the table right by the edge of the stage and sit with his back to everyone but the performer. John watched the stage dancers as intensely as a starved wolf watches his prey- had he only had the capacity, he’d run toward her and devour her completely.

Like most other dancers, I avoided John. I was bothered by the intensity of his stare and I didn’t know how to act around him. Would it insult him if I asked about the injury? Or would he be offended if I didn’t? A few years prior, I’d taken a University course on disability in Western culture. For a whole semester I watched countless videos, read books and articles on how the disabled perceive their disabilities and how the rest of us should. Yet at the end of the day, I still had no clue how to be sexual and seductive around somebody who I didn’t think could be sexual back.

One day John caught me staring from across the room. He smiled for a moment and waved me over. I froze with a half-smile.
- Go,- Rebecca, an older dancer poked me in the back with her finger. – He’s a nice guy. And he has money.
- But…er…
- If they don’t have legs, just focus on the torso, – she said very matter-of-factly.
- Yeah…but…- I stalled.
- Your loss,- Rebecca blurted out and headed over to him.

She sat down at his table, shook his hand and they started chatting. Within a few minutes, Rebecca walked past me on her way to the VIP and John followed her in his wheelchair.

Later that same night I watched Rebecca take another disabled man into the VIP. He had an oxygen tank in the back of his motorized wheelchair, his torso and arms were strapped to the chair with leather bands- to constrain involuntary muscle movements. He was one of Rebecca’s regulars, the doorman told me.

I felt both ashamed of myself and perplexed at the ease with which Rebecca interacted with her disabled clients. When I finally approached to ask her how was able to do it, she said:

- He wants the same thing that every client does- for you to make him feel like a man. If he is missing legs, focus on his torso. If he is paralyzed from the neck down, caress his face. Your touch and your warmth- that’s what they want. Not sympathy or pity. He wants to forget about everything else and feel wanted for a few minutes. Just do your job and give him that fantasy.

Rebecca spoke with conviction and led by example. I followed her advice and, after some time, started occasionally dancing for John.

Some questions, though, still remain unanswered. How do I find comfort and ease in sexually teasing someone who has no capacity to be sexual back? How do I detach myself enough that I am able to do my job and create the fantasy they want without pity getting in the way?

see also: Nurses caring for four men with rare brain illness treat them to a night out at a lapdancing club

In the perfect world you do want that dance and the two of you disappear into the VIP. For a while.

But let’s imagine that you don’t want a dance. Maybe you’re low on cash, you are waiting for someone specific, or this particular dancer is simply not your type. Be a gentleman, decline politely. Respond to her greeting and afterwards tell her that you appreciate her coming over, but you will not be buying dances that day. Compliment, it takes the bitterness out of being rejected. Remember that over the course of a single worknight she will hear many rejections. But she will be grateful for those that are delivered with kindness.
If you don’t want a dance, just say so. But:

• Never stalk the dancer with your eyes for a while and then, when she comes over, silently brush her off.
• Never engage her in a lengthy conversation only to suddenly realize that you ‘really have to go’ once the question of dances comes up. A conversation implies that a dance will follow. After all, you are at a strip club and she is working, that is providing entertainment for money. If you do not want a dance, but want to chat, offer her something for her time.
• Never respond with ‘I am not that kind of guy’, or ‘I don’t get dances’, or ‘I am married and lapdancing is like cheating’. By saying these things you only come across as a pathetic liar. And a loser.
• Never ask ‘How good are you?’ First of all, it’s insulting. Second of all, it communicates that you are both cheap and a creep: you will never stay for more than a song or two, and you will try to get as much groping done as you can get away with. Yes, we can see right through you.
• Never try to bargain. Especially if all you want is one or two dances.
• Never say ‘ I don’t want a dance but I’d love to take you out to dinner’. The dancer is there to work, not to look for dinner dates. You shouldn’t be looking for love in a strip club either.

Finally, whatever you do, never ever ask the dancer what you can get for $20. Ever.

1) What is the price of a private lap dance for a couple?

Over the past few years there has been a growing number of couples visiting strip clubs and wanting to enjoy a private dance together. More and more women now initiate these experiences, and I take that as a sign of progress.

Moneywise, the cost of a private dance for a couple in Toronto is $20 x 2 =$40. If you want to get several dances, try negotiating the price with your dancer. In advance. Never wait until the songs are finished to propose a deal. If you do, the only deal you will get will involve a very unhappy dancer and a very persistent bouncer.

Talk to the dancer before the three of you head over to the VIP. Most of us are quite reasonable people will happily meet you half way (well, not quite half…in fact, probably not anywhere close to half..).

Note: If you are entertaining a business client in a strip bar and want to get a private dance together with your client (yes, that’s happened before), don’t bargain. Better yet, consider charging your client’s entertainment to your expense account, and letting him enjoy the dance privately. That way everyone will have a good time, and will get to keep your client.

2) Strip club dance came in my pants.

Anyone not completely unfamiliar with basic notions of propriety would be too embarrassed to admit to something like this. Let alone run a Google search to see if…what?

…If there is a reassuring statistic showing that a considerable percentage of men finish their business during a private dance?

…If ejaculating during a private dance would impress a dancer (someone actually asked me this once. I’ll leave it by saying that no, it doesn’t. )

3) Toronto sleep with strip club dancers.

Contrary to the Hollywood stereotype of strippers, most dancers are neither working girls nor sex-crazed sirens eager to offer themselves to you. Try to distinguish between fantasy (that you can have her if you want) and reality (she is not actually available). The percentage of dancers who provide escort services are small. The chances of finding a dancer who is willing to go home with you, someone who is researching how to get laid by a stripper via Google, are close to zero.

4) How do exotic dancers make their skin soft?

When I shower, I usually use a gentle body exfoliant (I buy mine at the Body Shop) and follow up with a moisturizing body wash. Once out of the shower, I apply generous amounts of scented body butter (I like Victoria Secret) all over my body and let my skin absorb it. The end result: my skin is super soft and has a pleasant scent.

5) What you don’t know about your woman and exotic dancers.

This is usually the first sure sign that your relationship with an exotic dancer is doomed. When she first told you that she is a dancer, you probably thought it was hot: out of all the men she meets each night, she picked you. This made you feel like a somebody, right? But then things changed. Maybe the jokes your friends make started to get to you. Maybe it’s the stories from work, or guys- customers, she claims- who call her. You’ve asked her to quit, but she refuses and maintains that she is a clean dancer. You want to believe her, but here you are now, trying to articulate your fears and type them into Google, hoping it would alleviate your worries and put your mind at ease. As you surf, every page that doesn’t say ‘You, Mr. Jones, are in luck! You girlfriend is an honest, decent human being who has never done anything questionable in the VIP and you are a fool to be doubting her’ is further proof of her guilt.

What if the search results magically turned up such an answer? You’d still continue raiding stripper community forums, emailing strippers and even going out to clubs to spy on dancers while accumulating proof- little signs and hints that something is not right.

That’s because something isn’t right: by the time you run your first obscure Google search, what you still call ‘suspicion’ has already evolved into a conviction that she is guilty.

So do yourself and your dancer a favor- let her go. Whatever she does or doesn’t do is irrelevant when there is no communication and trust. And if you have no trust, you have no relationship.

6) Peep show pink bunnies doing pole dance.

I was going to leave this one out, but there is something irresistible about the image this query invokes. In fact, I can see how appearing on stage in a big pink bunny suit and then stripping out of it could make for a fun stage show. Too bad Easter is already past.