My 4-year-old, Hannah, loves the toy catalogues. Sometimes I try to recycle them before she can see them, but she has this sixth sense that foils my efforts every time. If a major toy company or toy store has distributed promotional materials to our area, she can sniff them out. And as soon as she does, the asking starts. “Mama! Mama! Mama! I want this one, and this one! And, of course, this one! Mama! Did you hear me? I have to tell you something! I want this one!”

I am not a fan of the toy catalogues, not one bit. And why not?

Hannah, playing outdoors and not being marketed to

I’m sure I sound like a total grinch. But I’m really not. I enjoy finding toys for my kids to play with, and I buy a lot of them. I just prefer to stick to more basic toys made with natural materials as much as I can. I choose handmade items, created with love and attention by committed craftspeople. Toys that can be used in many ways, by many age groups, and that stand the test of time. When I buy toys like that, I know where they’ve come from and what they contain. I know what it is that my kids are putting in their mouths and cuddling up to at night.

I’m sure that sometimes I come across as the mean mom, or the overboard control freak. My kid wants a special doll, so why not let her have a special doll? How bad is one doll?

When the doll arrives in my home, I don’t throw it out. But I also have the choice to not be the one who buys the doll in the first place, and I exercise that option. I believe that in doing so, I am making a difference. I am supporting an ethic that I care about, I am working to protect the planet, and I am communicating a message to my children about consumerism. Because one doll might not be all that bad, but millions of dolls purchased by millions of people because ‘just one can’t hurt’ add up really fast.

Cheap plastic toys are easy to find, and they are marketed aggressively to both us and our children. But we don’t have to buy into that message. And we aren’t ruining our children if we don’t. We are protecting their childhoods, and teaching them what really matters.

What about you? Is there a toy that your kid is in love with that drives you up the wall? Please share!

I wrote this post as part of Parenting by Nature’s Blog to Inspire contest. Wish me luck!

On November 3, the federal Conservatives introduced The Fairness for the Self-Employed Act, which extends special benefits provided through the Employment Insurance (EI) system to the self-employed. These special benefits include sickness benefits, compassionate care leave, and maternity and parental leave.

Under the legislation, self-employed workers could begin contributing to the plan on January 1, 2010. They will pay the same premiums as other Canadians, and will be eligible for the same special benefits at the same rates. Human Resources Minister Diane Finley says that the plan will be self-sustaining – that is, the premiums paid by self-employed workers will cover the benefits paid out. And we should keep in mind that there will be fewer benefits paid out than the rest of us receive, as the self-employed will not be eligible for ordinary EI benefits due to job loss.

In order to qualify for benefits, self-employed workers must:

This means that the first self-employed Canadians could collect maternity and parental benefits beginning in January, 2011. If you contribute to the plan and don’t collect benefits, you are free to opt out at the end of any calendar year.

I think that this is great news. I understand why people who work for themselves would not be eligible to collect unemployment benefits. But special benefits, which are paid out to help people through life events, are a different story. These are things that we can’t always plan for. It is not fair that small business owners, who are the engine of our economy, would be unable to spend time with their babies or be there for their dying mothers in the same way as the rest of us. I am glad that this inequity has been rectified.

I recognize that even with this legislation, maternity and parental leave may not be viable for many self-employed workers. If your business counts on your presence on a day-to-day basis, taking a year off with your baby may not be possible. It is also true that if you have an unexpected life event you may not qualify for benefits anyway, because you haven’t been contributing for the full year. But I think it is valuable and important to give everyone a choice, and to try to implement change, even as we acknowledge that it may never be perfect.

I really didn’t know what this book would be like in advance. I’ve read more than my fair share of ‘green’ books, and I’ve liked some and disliked others. Some even left me feeling sort of depressed, as if the world is going to end no matter what and all my choices are wrong anyway, so why bother? I was really crossing my fingers that Micaela’s book would not do that, and I am happy to report that it didn’t. In fact, I really loved Practically Green!

Like I said, I didn’t really know what to expect. The first thing that struck me when I opened the book was how very pretty it is. I wouldn’t quite call it a coffee table book, but it is colourful, with lots of little green and orange boxes, as well as full-colour photos and diagrams. I am a sucker for the pretty, as you may know. The book also has lots of information on sustainable living, recipes, craft projects, and information on DIY greening like re-purposing old clothes or making your own beauty products.

Beyond the pretty, I really appreciated Micaela’s pragmatic approach. She says right up front that we’re not always going to be able to make perfect choices. But by doing our best, we are making a difference. Even if you can’t afford to buy all organic fruits and veggies, or have no interest in making baby hats out of old shirts, there are still small, practical changes you can make. And these changes will help your family’s health, and the health of the whole planet.

Because I am a full-service reviewer, I tried a couple of the projects in the book. My favourite was the recipe for ‘Power Bites’. I loved them! And so did the other people who tried them. Well, except for my very picky 4-year-old, but she won’t eat mashed potatoes, either, so take her opinion with a grain of salt. I fed them to some of my friends and their kids, and they disappeared pretty quickly.

Power Bites in progress

The finished product

There wasn’t much new information in this book for me. I already knew about the toxins in many home cleaning products and the potentially harmful chemicals in cosmetics. If you are looking for new, ground-breaking information you probably won’t find it here. But if you’re looking for some practical tips on how you can green your lifestyle, it’s great. And while some of the information is US-specific, I still felt that the vast majority was useful and applicable to me as a Canadian.

I can’t tell you how relieved I am that I liked this book. I was really afraid that Micaela would send me a free copy and I would struggle with what to say. Instead, I find myself trying to contain my gushing. If you are at all interested in sustainable living, and especially if you like the idea of sustainable crafts and cooking or making your own cleaning or beauty products, I highly recommend Practically Green!

To start with you mix a cup of water and a cup of flour to make this sort of paste-like thing, which you leave on your countertop in a glass jar. 24 hours later you pour out half of the goo and add another 1/2 cup each of water and flour. You continue this process (called ‘feeding the sourdough’) every 24 hours until you have a bubbly, frothy, sourdough-smelling starter. Then you can put it in the fridge and feed it weekly, or use it bake some bread. I opted to bake bread.

To bake the bread you need to proof the starter, so you add 1 cup each of water and flour and wait for it to do its thing.

The sourdough starter

Flour and water added for proofing

Bubbles starting to form

Starter proofed and ready to go

At this point, you measure out however much of the starter you need, and put the rest in a glass jar, feed it, and refrigerate. This will be your starter for next time. Then you follow your recipe and make your bread. The whole process can take a long time, since sourdough rises much more slowly than yeast bread. Eventually, though, my bread was ready for its final rise. I decided I would try making a lovely, round loaf just like you see in the grocery store.

My first sourdough loaf, ready for its final rise

This is where it all went off the rails for me. Instead of rising, my loaf sort of spread out. I’m not sure if there was too much oil on the baking sheet, or if it was the recipe, or if there is some trick to making a round loaf. If you know the answer I would love to hear it. The net result, though, was my bread ended up more pancake-like than bread-like. I tried to salvage it by putting it into a baking dish, to no avail.

Deflated loaf in a baking dish

At this point, I decided that I needed to go back to basics for my second loaf. I was using 100% whole wheat flour for my sourdough, since my local flour is all whole wheat. I continued using the whole wheat for the starter, but I decided to use unbleached white flour when I mixed up the bread, as the recipe instructed. (Following the recipe? How novel!) I also decided to use a loaf pan. This time, I got a lovely loaf of bread. And it tasted great, to boot. Victory!

I couldn’t wait to sample the bread until after I got the picture

Have you ever baked sourdough? If so, please share your tips and tricks!

My Manifesto

I believe that parenting my children is one of the most important things I will ever do. In order to parent, I need to spend time with my children and relate to them on their level. I also need to carefully consider my decisions, and try to make the best choices I can. And I recognize that what is right for me may not be right for someone else.

I believe in balance. I have a family, I have hobbies, I engage in volunteer work, and I have career goals. I am not any one thing, and I would like my life to reflect that. This does not mean that I get all of the time to myself that I would like, or that I am free to pursue all of my interests. It does mean that I can set my priorities and focus on more than one area at a time. Balance may never be completely achievable, but it is a worthy pursuit.

I believe in flexible, family-friendly work. Working full-time is a valid choice. Staying home full-time is a valid choice. So is working part-time, working from home, or setting up an alternative schedule. Policies like flex-time, job-sharing, and maternity and parental leave are valuable in creating a workplace that honours workers as whole people. Work, family, and outside pursuits do not have to be either-or. And I think we need to advocate for better policies if we want them.

I believe in dreams. There is practical value in pursuing the things that you really want. There is no particular magic involved, no leap of faith or belief in spiritual forces necessary. By engaging in dreaming you are simply letting yourself fly free, to imagine what could be. Yes, there is dumb luck and unfairness in life. But there is also a whole world full of people who have worked hard and made things happen. I see no reason why I cannot be one of those people.

I believe in passion. When you find that thing that you could do all day, every day, it’s a gift. Pursuing your passion is not silly or vain. Passionate people who are committed to their goals are the ones who change the world, and this change benefits all of us. Your passion doesn’t have to be your career, or your whole life’s work. But it is absolutely worth following, whatever it looks like.

I believe in community. Whether that community is a family, an organization, a group of friends, or a virtual space. We need each other. We gain value from sharing our lives with others. Not everyone will be a perfect fit for us, and we may not belong in every community we encounter. As we find and cultivate the communities that we do belong in we are making a better (and friendlier) world.

I believe in creativity. By acting creatively we can make a tangible difference in our lives. It is our chance to step outside of our normal world, where we spend long periods in front of a computer screen or clean up toys 47 times a day. We make things. We experience flow and encounter the tangible world. We play. And we re-discover parts of ourselves that we’d forgotten were even there.

I believe in simplicity. Our world is very consumer-driven and go-go-go. This is not all that good for us, or for our planet. It results in hectic lives and the abuse of our natural resources. I am not about to ditch my suburban home and go live off-the-grid in the wilderness. But I do seek to set priorities, understand what matters, and evaluate the impact of my actions. Time is money, so spending less money is one way to gain more time.

I believe that change is hard. Really stinking hard. It’s one thing to say, “Oh, yes, I want to follow my dreams and live a passionate and balanced life.” It’s quite another thing to actually do it. I do not roll with the punches well. I like order and routine and predictability and tradition. Deciding that I want to re-invent myself is not a decision I make lightly. But sometimes, you have to do the hard thing.

I believe in optimism. There was a time when I was very bogged down in what I ‘ought’ to do and who I ‘ought’ to be. That thinking really doesn’t help anyone, least of all myself. Being miserable because an internet stranger may not like me or because I didn’t get through the day’s to-do list does not help me improve next time. It’s OK to look on the bright side. And I have found that by doing so I am better able to motivate myself and get things done.

I believe in kindness. Because kindness changes everything.

I believe in the value of this space. In the value of sharing my journey with you, and hearing about your journeys in return. This has been an incredible gift to me. Know that if you come here I consider you a part of my tribe and a part of my community. And I am so, so grateful for it.

What about you? Do you have any statements of Truth to share? Please do!

Princessy!

These days, though, Hannah has been mixing it up a bit. For instance, she’s created the movie star pose. Which is funny, because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t really know what a movie star is. Anyway, the pose has a little more attitude, and a little more hip action. Unlike the princess pose, there is no hint of a smile. Except for me, because every time I see it I grin. Who knew a daughter of mine could be so fierce?

Just like a movie star!

Jacob, on the other hand, hasn’t learned to pose yet. Not really. He has, however, learned to smile for the camera. You’ve got to love a toddler who can turn it on when you need him to. Check out the million dollar grin he’s rocking.

Not to be outdone by her little brother, Hannah upped the ante and broke out the fairy pose. It’s sort of angry, and it includes wings.

How about your kids? Does your 4-year-old put Tyra to shame? I’d love to know!

We hear lots and lots of stories about breastfeeding difficulties. I have even posted my own. I think it’s important to talk about the struggles that we face. It can help other moms who are dealing the same issues. Or, sometimes, it can just help us feel that we’re not so alone.

The problem with only talking about how hard breastfeeding can be is that it can make it all sound sort of horrible. I think it’s important to keep in mind that while many moms do face problems, not every mom does. And even those moms who struggle are often able to overcome their issues and foster a happy breastfeeding relationship. That was my experience with Hannah – it was a rough start, but in the end there was far more good than bad. And with Jacob, I was able to pretty much avoid any nursing problems altogether.

Jacob was born at 39 1/2 weeks gestation. My labour was short and uneventful. Or, you know, as uneventful as childbirth can ever possibly be. When he was born he was 7lbs 10oz and healthy, with apgar scores of 9 and 9. I was also healthy, and suffered no complications related to the birth. The midwife handed Jacob to me immediately, before cutting the cord or performing any other procedures. I held him skin-to-skin against my chest, and waited for him to seek the breast. He didn’t at first, he just seemed to be getting his bearings. The midwife took him and evaluated and weighed him, put a diaper on him, and warmed him under the lamp for a minute.

Once I had him back he was settled and ready to eat. I held him skin-to-skin again and he immediately sought the breast and latched on. In fact, he pretty much just nursed through the few hours we spent in the hospital after the birth. And once we got him home, he continued to want to nurse more or less non-stop during his first 48 hours. It was grueling, but I knew that by allowing him lots of unrestricted time at the breast he would be able to bring in my milk supply sooner, and that it would help avoid problems like jaundice.

And that’s pretty much what happened. When Jacob was weighed on day 3 he had gained half an ounce over his birth weight. My milk was in, and with a full belly he settled into a routine of nursing about 8-10 times a day. I got more rest. From that point on his weight gain was good and I was not in any discomfort. We are still nursing as we near the 15 month mark, and have not encountered any serious issues to speak of.

I definitely think that having breastfed another child did help me with Jacob. I knew far more about how to get breastfeeding off to a good start. But I also think that it was at least partly that Jacob was an organized and efficient nurser from the beginning. Either way, breastfeeding this time has been mostly about enjoying the relationship with my baby. While I absolutely recommend having a support system and knowing what to do when problems arise, I also know that not every problem will arise. Sometimes, it’s easier than you expect it to be.

Things I learned in October.

1. Not to leave the butter within reach of the toddler.

2. Two kids, when taken out in public, will always run in opposite directions.

3. How to needle felt.

4. What 42 pints of crushed tomatoes looks like all lined up on my counter.

5. That it really stinks for you when your kid has surgery, even though she’s totally fine.

6. My toddler is a much better climber than I realized.

7. I am an artist. Or, at least, I like to make art.

8. If you ask a 4-year-old to take your picture, you take your chances with the framing.

9. If you’re going to let your 4-year-old draw the faces on the jack-o-lanterns, give some concrete guidelines or you’re going to have to carve hair.

10. How to sew a cape for Little Red Riding Hood.

What about you? What did you learn in October? Please share!

Speaking of trick-or-treating, I recently learned that there are places that have official ‘trick-or-treating’ hours. For example, the fabulous Feminist Breeder told me that her town allows trick-or-treating only between the hours of 10am and noon today. I’ve heard of other places that have trick-or-treating times set up on weekends when Halloween happens to fall on a weekday. Both of these rules seem sort of wrong to me – trick-or-treating in my world happens on Halloween night.

Here in Metro Vancouver, the only place I’ve ever ‘done’ Halloween, there are no official Halloween rules. But there definitely are unofficial rules. Trick-or-treating generally runs from about 6-8pm. Most folks eat dinner and then head out, and the little kids tend to come before the big ones, since they go earlier and don’t visit as many houses. In order to signal that you have candy, you leave your porch light on and maybe set out decorations like your jack-o-lantern. And when it’s done you’d better bring that pumpkin in if you don’t want it smashed in the street.

What about you? How does Halloween happen where you live? Now that I know that there are geographical variations, my curiosity demands to know more!

While you think about the trick-or-treating rules, here are a few not-so-spooky seasonal photos to get you in that Halloween-y frame of mind:

Happy Halloween!

Recently, though, I got my hands on an Ergo. I have a friend who loves her Ergo, but is expecting a baby any day and she hasn’t had much luck with Ergo’s infant insert, so I loaned her my Beco. In exchange, she lent me her Ergo. And I have been wearing it here, there, and everywhere to see how I like it, and how it compares to the Beco and my beloved mei tais.

Trying out the Ergo on a family outing

So, what’s the verdict?

Here are the things I like about the Ergo:

Here are the things I don’t like so much:

Now that I’ve tried both the Beco and the Ergo, I am more on the fence than ever. I found the Ergo generally easier to understand and use, but I found the Beco to be a more well-thought-out carrier. If you are going to be using the carrier with a newborn, or if you feel less comfortable with back carries, I would go with the Beco. If you are going to be using the carrier with a slightly older infant or toddler, you like to breastfeed in the carrier, or you just don’t want to spend the extra money, an Ergo may be the way to go.

As for me, in honesty, I am going back to my Kozy. Like I said, I love my mei tais!

PS – I’ve got a new post up today at API Speaks – so head on over and read When Attachment Parenting Speaks for Itself.