I feel there is much to report and so little to report at the same time. Strange sensation. I went for a 8km run last night which as part of my rioting has clocked up 18km this week already - very satisfying.

I've been no that busy at work because we're eminently releasing so the less work we do on the product, the less risk we introduce and the more stable and consistent the build will be for release. I brought my Windows laptop in and have installed Windows 8 and been looking at that while haphazardly looking as things reported to be critical enough to fix and take my attention away from mucking about with Windows 8.

I went to the dentist yesterday, got rid of my infection in my tooth but will have to go back. Got an assignment to do. Haven't done it - my weekend's goal.

Been sleeping well, very good - few off occurrences of waking up in the middle of the night but things should improve. Applied for my provisional driving license this week - I will be getting a motorcycle this year in the hope that I can set off at the end of it for touring England and Europe. This is one of my goals.

Still reading, which helps with any downtime and still renders it quality time and lately I've also been making childish progress in my 3DS game while in the office.

We, as a development team, got what the British informally come to call a 'right bollocking' which is basically telling off; this was because we've delayed our release 2 times already and it's still not perfect yet. That sucked.

The other thing that's been on my mind recently, inspired by a conversation I had with someone. The bottom line is that if you're not getting what you want from what you do, is it worth trying to change yourself to accommodate this and make something fit that doesn't fit?
It seems that an initial reaction to this is that giving up work based on this is not a real answer. However, the more I think about it, the more I realise that it is: You should get what you want, if you're not getting it, sure see if you can see if you need to try and get it, if that fails or is too much hassle - go get something that gives you what you want. That's the whole reason we have choice, to choice what we want to get. With work, this should be no different.

Started to realise that one of my quality books is becoming boring, I don't know if that's because I'm not entirely following it - maybe reading it in bits and pieces is not the way to do it. But I will give it a chance and get back to it soon; might be good to start reading my alternative book.

Got to send my passport to the DVLA for my provisional license. Loathed to do this. Once a passport is lost in transit, it is lost. I would be really up the creek without a passport. I'll have to do it. Will try to minimise the risk though, with delivery options etc..

I still haven't booked any holiday :-)

Woke up this morning without the furious distraction that had detached my environment during my night run last night. That said, I covered 5.77km which is well, 5.77km and the past two runs this week on average about the same. This is a good story.

I bought a new book about the Crusades. I've always been drawn to wanting to know more about these religious and thus far, to me, enigmatic battles and reason. Started reading in a coffee shop in Liverpool Street train station. The nice thing about reading is that it's not demanding your attention, if anything your attention is demanding to read - provided, of course, you have a quality book.

I was a bit concerned by my apparent detachment, during my run. So much so I needed to rationalise its effects on me and everyone. This became a self studious ambition, most of which occurred in the bath on my iPad.

I have a passage of text that I found I had constructed to describe my apparent focused, detachment from the world that had bothered me on the way home last night. The exercise was to rationalise the experience by removing any emotional subjectivity like "it just felt wierd" or "the atmosphere was almost deathly" with something more rational. This way I know it would make sense to everyone who reads it.
What's weird is that I'm not a rational person, I'm an emotional person, who indulges in romantic thoughts, so it was strange to have this sudden desire to sleep with the enemy.

"Basically it is an enigma as to what was on my mind. I seemed focused, uninterested, detached but polite and had bouts surfacing character indicating odd reintroductions into old normal self. This indicates a Continual immersive preoccupation. I am aware of the underlying goals. I became aware of my unusual preoccupation and surfaced it as to remedy any misconception that it may have caused. I did express my enjoyment."

Now, with that said;it seems fitting that when I don't quite understand stuff, I revert to my romantic thoughts and evade all classical objective or scientific reason. So to this effect it seems fitting to quote my eternal associate, Thoreau, that "man leads a life of quite desperation" be that of ones future, current emotional considerations or anything that makes things seem unclear or seemingly incomprehensible.

I woke up at 8am this morning, dreamed that I was on a motorcycle traveling throughout Europe. I rolled over and pulled my iPad out and started reading up on getting a provisional licence. I think I WILL buy a motorcycle and do this, this year. Its an investment into quality living. I think that this is what was on my mind, in a way, last night: the yearning for more quality in my life, this is the desperation Thoreau was talking about. I'm not talking about relationships with other people, in talking about quality relationship with yourself and your world and ones mind. This is what is quality. Quality time.

I woke up again at 11:30am and continued reading my book, because this is quality time, I read about one mans experiences and the quality of interpreting ones experiences. It's about wondering why you are crazy, why searching for truth and wondering why, when you are honest without self, why what you come up with is crazy. It's about discovering differences about yourself which are diffirent from anything and which no one is prepared to persevere to understand, except you. A journey into higher thought, through the abstract that has not yet been defined for man, will let man think you are crazy, I guess.

The iPad is great for this - I left my kindle at work but could continue reading at home on the iPad.

The psychology of everything in the world at times threatens to destroy your emaculate perception of the world, threaten to replace the normality of definition of this world with the desire to know about the unknown, unexplored and difficult. The release from today's constraints, eases a man to persue questions without any answers yet. Ands it at those times that you perhaps think that you are happiest alone with these questions to your life.

A goal in my life is to experience quality. The pursuit of happiness is born out of this.

My day ended in a high. 3 reasons. One it's Friday tomorrow. Two, I got my new development work-stream at work which going to be amazingly super fun to do. Three, I walked into a shop and they use our software. I was like, dude yeah!
Also I've got another night run tomorrow, I've got no serious bugs outstanding. Great feeling. Really got into my journey of Zelda today: I even played during the emergency fire drill. It was the most productive fire drill I'd had in years!

My new work stream is going to be quite challenging as its a research type one where I'll need to investigate, discover, learn and report back to potentially have brain storming, workshops - which I guess can be tricky and challenging. I'm looking forward to it though! I love the fun I have learning new technology, so I'm pretty optimistic.

I'm pretty preoccupied with testing at the moment and I spent today working on an issue and doing stuff with the QA team. I'm also maybe a little preoccupied with my...er, Nintendo - Don't tell no one though!

I had my first "Detox" type juice today which looked like 7 kinds of ugliness from the onset. It was a concoction of cucumber, spirulina, healthy ingredient x, smart ingredient y and something else that was green. Must have had some apple too because it wasn't that bad tasting. Threw in a beetroot shot with my lunch today and finished off my day with yet another fruit juice. working next to a Planet Organic will do that, I suppose.

We had a retrospective meeting today. It was pretty good. I had opportunity to make some great points which I thought were useful to the team. It was long though. Still pretty weary with the antibiotics killing everything it finds - its kinda like a nuke. Sounds disturbingly like cancer doesn't it?

Still haven't taken leave, this is becoming silly. I feel like playing Xbox when I get home and do some reading, I've missed my reading of late.

Saw a Ducati 1000 Sport today while taking a stroll into London with some guys from work. Really cool. If I got a motorbike(which, to be clear im not...I think, no seriously I'm not) it would be a Ducati 1000 Sport. It's the same bike Flynn's son Chris uses in Tron Legacy.

I've been thinking about now is playing guitar today and I'm ready to ease into tonight and forget the world, the people I know, the emails waiting for me and well, everything...

Whitney Houston died yesterday. Britney Murphey died, so did Any Winehouse. Heath Ledger died also.

Maybe us normal people, if indeed that is what we are, live longer than our celebrity counterparts. That or we just hear about their deaths more than our own(That sounds weird). One exception is Ozzy Osbourne - He just refuses to die.

I was sitting in the dentist waiting room today getting bored and I started watching the fishes in the aquarium, which I must say makes my dentist somewhat unique I think. Again, another assumption I make as I've not been to another Dentist before...

Anyway it is said that Everyman lives a life of quiet desperation. Moments in boredom that we yearn, think, reflect and generally know that we're doing nothing right then, but we're ok with it, but we don't know quite what else to do and it feels strange. It's desperation. For something. Humans are funny that way I guess. What do fish yearn for? Or any animal for that matter? Odd, almost strange thought. Even odder when you wonder about what the answer is. Strange day today is.

As it happens my optimistic view that my dentist appointments have come to an end are unfounded: I got a tooth infection, I got antibiotics and I got an appointment for next week. Root canal. Go figure.

Still, life is grand. I got to clean my apartment again: one thing about ordering out is you get containers, truck-load of containers. Pizza boxes are the worst because you got to cut them down to size to throw them away. Plastic sealed containers just take space in the trash. Oh and you got to take the trash out. Responsibility is this niggling thing. I do like the feeling after you've done it.

Routine. Thats what I need. More routine. Isn't it routine that slowly corrodes our existence into a monotonous, lethargic tablet that we take each day hoping that it will cure an underlying disease we don't have? I guess. Maybe I don't need routine then. Do I really need anything?

I guess this is the question.

What do fish yearn for?

I'm off to the Dentist today after finding that I have, what must probably a tooth infection. It happened the last time I had a crown placed also. I guess it's the body saying, "Woah, I'm not used to this". I actually don't think that's why I got the tooth-ache, the real reason I think I because I used this new type of fancy tooth pick, which I think I poked into my gum and damage it and this is the cause of the infection.

Anyway, I worked this weekend. Had work on my brain. I guess, for a single guy like me, I don't affect anyone being unavailable, working late and over weekends. That said, Ive only tended to do it recently because I the release. Normally I turn off at 5:30 unless something is bothering me, then I'm switched on until it clears.

I've been on ibuprofen since Thursday to ignore the pain but it's pretty painful so in hoping I get antibiotics to clear it but at the same time I don't like the dependance on antibiotics - what you going to do, right - pain, swelling is kinda severe.

I've got another run tonight which I'm looking to, running though Lobdon's night lights are truly awe-inspiring. I've got a varsity assignment to get through which I know I should do sooner rather than later, because the more you do the less things you have to do - Genius, right?

I'm sitting on the tube, listening to ZZ-Top live in Texas and wondering how life can really quickly pass you by if you don't pay attention to it. Not only pay attention to it but appreciate and experience it, feel it, be it, be apart of it. I read today that 'to journey is better than to arrive' - Courtesy of 'Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance'. Sometimes I fall asleep on the tube and then wake up and realise I've lost 30 minutes of time, more importantly time that I can use to do quality things like read my good book, think, feel and contemplate. Sounds real philosophic - I know that but sometimes it's good to be philiosophic, philosophy is the reflection of a man's life in the mirror of time.

We have 11 people on this tube that I can see, as I look left and right across the the wide space adjacent to me. sometimes I look at people and wonder what their names are based on how their faces look, or how they look generally. Other times I wonder what these people do when they get up and leave the carrige and get off. Where do they go, do they worry about the same things I do? Do they think the same things I do when I'm alone? Probably I guess.

Had a magical run back from Work on Friday. Loved running next to the Thames with the lights shimmering across the water. So beautiful. Takes about 40 mins to do 2.7km-ish from Liverpool street to Waterloo. I'm planning to do this run every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Let's see how that pans out. Im fully into doing quality over quantity and that's how feel spending my running is doing for me.

I went into town today, went hunting for Garlic Tablets. I know, sounds very hippie but I was reading this morning how it's natures most powerful antibiotics. That surprised me. I have a dentists appointment on Monday because I have a sore tooth. I know I'll probably need antibiotics to clear the infection and swelling caused by the slight inflammation. So anyway with Antibiotics the modern day favour-saviour, I thought see what else non-prescription antibiotics there are. Garlic. oh...ok...Garlic. In the end apart from its antibiotic properties there are numerous benefits to having garlic regularly, other than warding of Vampires but I can now cross that off the list of I desperately need. I ended up getting 2 bottles of high potency garlic tablets. oderless. As it happens they were half price. Bonus coincidence, I guess.

Had breakfast, full English, tea and orange juice. Bought a silly boys mag which is the equivalent womabs gossip and fashion mag telling men what woman like, what I must wear and what I mustn't do and what I must do. I felt stupid reading it, positively regrettably and utterly waste of the £2 I paid for it at the news agent.

I logged back into wok when I got back from my Run on Friday an stayed up working until 1am. We still releasing. I wish we could just release and get it over and do with. Working on looming deadlines suck.

Snows been making an appearance of late and it's beautiful. I love seeing the tops of things covered in such pure whiteness. Took a video of my apartment today, just to be like, "here look this is me, my apartment and I'm happy with it. That and also it's going to be cool to look back at it in a couple of years and remember what fun I had.

The race was cancelled on Sunday due to the forecast snow which did start to fall late on Saturday. I was kinda hoping it wouldn't because I was looking forward to the trip down, the evening and the run I guess the most. Ended up in, most of Sunday. Bought a box set of movies and a game and played through them all by Sunday evening.

There was a point where I glanced out the window down at the street and saw the icing-sugar coating that the snow had made of the scene I saw out there. Very Festive, I guess - two months out though for Christmas.

I woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday with a sudden whirlwind of thought about someone else's programming problem I was looking into late on Friday. We stayed late at work, I was there until 23:00 testing a fix I had implemented 2 days before. It was kinda nice not to be chased to finish like most were.

Today I was caught unaware by my previous seemingly innocent bliss as it appeared that my work on Friday caused a problem. So I was now stressed and feverishly worked to understand how possibly I could have caused this. I worked the whole day on this and finally in a loosing battle teamed up with my manager and we found the problem so far removed from me i nearly cried in agony for my troubles. So as it happened I got my stress - I guess it needed to counteract the work-stress-release balance in the world. I left work feeling rather outdone and very victimised as I sulked to myself in whispered subliminal undertones as I listened to my colleague speak while walking to the train station.

I got my Java book I ordered today. it was pristine. I like that. can't wait to study it - I like the way this particular book outlines the methods and thinking processes around abstracting ideas into objects by a term commonly known by us programmers as object orientated programming or OOP for short. I read it first as a boy at the back of my parents car on a trip down to the Cape. It's amazing how much I can still remember about that book.

I'm reading Atlas Shrugged, Zen and the art of motorcycle Maintenance and God knows. Enjoying the time well spent.

So what's going on with me I guess is the thing I most want to know! Funny after writing a few blog posts and then reading them I get a strange feeling of who I am at times. I know who I am, obviously - I'm the dude acting like the other dude who knows who he is! If you watch tropic thunder, the movie
you'll know what I mean by that sentence - if not, you'll just have to follow my general lunacy and deranged state of mine!

I nearly bought myself a motorcycle today, it is a green Kawasaki 2001 600cc which is utter craziness. I don't even think I need one on a practical or life style basis so it's really a silly idea. Cool though to consider it! I even strolled the 10 minute walk into town to
Visit my local bank to see how best I pay for it... Anyway thats over and done with and I'm onto my next toy.

I did buy myself a new toy last week now thinking bout it. I got myself an Nintendo 3DS which is fun. The main reason I bought it was to have something to do between code rebuilds. There is a space of 5 minutes between each rebuild at the office, and sometimes more, and I do about 5 a day so that's about 30 minutes of stupid time. Also when I'm on the tube and I get tired of reding my book, starting playing a game or something. I guess the biggest thing for me is that I have options in my down time. Perhaps not the mot productive downtime but during builds it's fine.

Finished reading Catch-22 by Joseph Heller and now I'm on a journey from Dakota to minnesota in Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance as my perfered next read was not on the kindle, that being "God knows" by Joseph heller. So I've ordered the paper back from amazon along with "Atlas Shrugged" which I the next book after I want to read, again not on the kindle.

I'm really happy,I guess, with the fact that I've done a few things recently that I think have started changing how I feel about what I'm doing with my time generally in life.

1. I aim to hit the hay around 22:00 - 22:30. This is so that I can get a decent nights sleep in. I love and have always loved being able to do what I heck I want, go to bed when I want etc... But what I have found though is that I can do all this but I do tend to feel sluggish and tired at work and don't enjoy things in the day as I do when I'm alert, playful and naughty - all things I realise are fun while I'm alert. Also there is stat that freaked me out a while back in the news about a research study highlighting the dangers of not getting enough sleep and the strain it has on the body.

2. I've started reading. More than this I've started reading books that I feel are not wasting my time. I feel that they are constructive and useful prices of information that have a positive impact on my life. Also I've been wanting to find the time to do this and I think now along with my kindle acquisition, now is a good time as any. I loved reading Catch-22 which my mother sugesmted to me when I was a boy and I'm pretty chuffed that I remembered now well into my twenties.

3. I'm studying. Still doing, albeit quite slowly,my degree course In computer science. This is another good investment of my time.

4. Running. I'm running now and I'm running enough now that it's unusual for me not to be running. I'm feeling fitter than ever before, I went for my first 10km run in Kent and have just prepared for the next one in Feb. I actually love running.

5. I'm relaxed, I'm finding myself a lot more chilled about things, I'm not as concerned about potential dramas as I used to be and it's really really fun. Like just casually dealing with things, taking time to consider and measure more than I ever did I all so pretty empowering to the psyche.

6. I cleaned my apartment. No, kidding.

Yeah so things are slowly opening up, like the eyes of a child you ha just started to realise something. I guess, it's a personal journey. And it's about what you come to make important in your life that creates your quality of life.

7. I've finished my run of dentistry which is so so good. My dentist told me that my teeth were now in a good enough state that I need only come back in the summer, which is 6 months away. This is really good as its cost me a bucket load but in terms of investments - this one is right up there. With them.
As a consequence, I'm now more aware of how my diet of sugar items affects not only my teeth but my blood sugar level as well.

8. I started saving money. This is also important investment to my time. Putting some dough aside on a routinely basis is pretty good, considering that I've had to push the boundaries of my overdraft for the last 6 months into hyperdrive with me putting down deposits for my apartment, paying for courses, council tax, electricity and water bills and living too. Not only that I do quite like a gadget or too and so after a while of being in the red and getting out - its a good experience to overcome and even cooler to win and start going the other way in terms of savings.

Single life is pretty awesome and I'm starting to realise how it enables you to think about position and place in this world. It has helped me to appreciate the things I have, the things I don't have and more importantly that what I do in life affects me and only me and I can do with it what I want. I see young people like me getting married, in relationships and I must be honest, while its mostly fun and worthwhile, I see it to be such blockers in personal development. I see girls who are in relationships so stuck and I feel they don't know that there is so much more to life than settling down early. Obviously there are 2 sides to every story but I feel so lucky at times that I don't owe myself, my time, my thoughts to anyone and if anything, work is my compromise, my realisation what I have as a single person and my peace of mind. So so good.

Twitter is good because it lets you feel that you are describing to yourself what you're doing and that makes what you're doing feel like an investment in your time. That, and obviously blogging for me.

9. I wrote some cool software for a 3rd party, external from the kind of programming I do on a daily basis for a colleague and it had to do with a interfacing with a telephone system. What fun!

10. My website is finished. I loved and hated getting my website into a state where is was, as far as I as concerned, suitable. But now it's fine, looks great and makes me feel good about having it.

11. Started backing up my data. Little Small things = big savings.

I'm interested in taking a break from work for about a month, to go on a holiday just to spend some time with myself and zen it up a bit, continue reading my books, blogging and running. I also quite keen on being a little more focused at the gym in terms of toning up. I've started noticing that I'm looking good but still have a belly. I wanna six-pack baby!
Have been contemplating thinking about writing a book, or something creative which is a description of something beau I like describing and explaining stuff - blogging but I'd life to upgrade my effort. Perhaps not seriously but again, an investment in my time I feel will be warranted.

I'm feeling really philosophical today. O don't know why, I even nearly penned a verse. Nothing to be specifically philosophical about. There was that time on Friday that I bought a pizza right after vacuuming my apartment and of all things I'd not wanted to do - I dropped the box of pizza on the carpet. That's a philosophical thought.

I had a 15km run yesterday which has reminded me firstly how important it is to maintain pace and secondly that I can do it. Its 6 Km's off half-marathon distance which is exciting but not as daunting as perhaps I might have thought it to be.

Saturday went for a rather scenic 9km run with a friend from work as a pre-run training session just before our official 10km run in Kent. Got to be a tour guide by road and Wimbledon got exposed for the beautiful town that it is.

I went to gym and had to bite to eat after which I returned my running partner and found myself all excited about warewolves, Lycans and vampires: The new underworld movie with Kate Beckinsale was out. I watched that. I loved it. I liked it because it had shape shifting warewolves - Dude I love that sorta stuff!

Got my iPad to finally play ball with my iPad and do now I can read my book on either device(or Kindle) when I want which is cool option. Apparently I needed to know that I must tell Amazon which of my books I should share with what device. Uh, ok.

Apart from all this, I found myself at Ikea, on Friday and got myself a new rug, cutlery(because I landlords' sucked ). I also replaced the microwave and got a cool hot water dispenser - coffee hasn't been easier to take! It even has illuminated water. Super cool. Besides that I also got a couple of Woden bath slats, do I can step out the bath onto them. I like.

Well, it getting towards that time now where I sense the need to take a couple of days off and perhaps even, at some point, have a extended holiday.

For now I will have to deal with it :-)