I am continually grateful for your generosity. Thanks for praying yesterday during our first 24 hour prayer day.

We’ll do others.

Jon

Today, starting at 7AM eastern time, people from around the world will be praying about the requests people left in the comments on this post and any new prayer requests that come in.

People from all over have volunteered to cover the hours of the day and the comments with prayer.

Let’s pray. Here is a link to hundreds of prayer requests. If you have a prayer request you would like someone to pray for, please post a comment on today’s post.

The list of people who will be praying is after the jump. (We’ll pretend daylight savings time is not happening until after we’re finished at 7AM Sunday morning.)

7:00AM = Toni, Jenny, Tracey, Paul, Jon

8:00 = Steffi, Jordan, Kim, TJ, Claygirlsings

9:00 = Nick, Alas, Rebecca C, Jennifer, Erin, Susan, Jess, Stephanie

10:00 = Donna, Kels, Brittany, Gina, Violet

11:00 = Alison, Rae, Cindy, Edna, Meg, Jon B., Cody

12:00PM = Aydan, Rayanne

1:00 = Caroline, Phillip, ldhrendur

2:00 = Emanon712, Stacy, cjnash06, huggiesgirl, Curtis Honeycutt, Christina08

3:00 = AymieJoi, Stacy from Louisville, Kena

4:00 = Kels07, melladp, mattstreasure, Breanne

5:00 = Brittany, penny broome, miriam

6:00 = evambrose, Sarah

7:00 = Rebekah, Rachel

8:00 = Honeylove

9:00 = Persio, Malin

10:00 = Dawngreen, Connie, Mina

11:00 = Rebecca, Shannon, Becky Miller, Hope

12:00AM = B. Marie, Megan, Dianne

1:00 = Miss Ashley, tsholom, shelley, Quirky, Stretch Mark Mama

2:00 = Squinancywort, Raven, Dan

3:00 =Rebeccamh, onejarofclay, zacinator, Val, Sarah S.

4:00 = Scott, Katy, Peter

5:00 = eastern ky pastor, Gina, Jennifer, Tanya, Jenochej

6:00 = Charmaine, Angela, James

For those of us that have been to a Christian conference, retreat or youth camp in the last decade, we know the power of the Tangible Sermon Reminder. The TSR usually occurs when multiple speakers are up against each other, all vying for your inordinately short attention span and space in your pre-worn journal. We’ve all been victim of the TSR and it usually takes the form of a small, post-sermon giveaway that is meant to drive home the sermons’ main point.

As Christians, we don’t remember any of the sermons we’ve heard in the last ten years but I ALWAYS remember the TSRs.

Traditionally, the TSR comes in many forms. It can be as simple as a small cross or as complex as a bracelet with six different colored beads on it, all representing a different stage of the roman road.

But with TSR competition heating up in the last several years, Christian conference speakers have taken TSR use to new heights. It usually happens after the closing prayer (any earlier and the speaker could risk loosing the attention of the audience) and it typically comes in the form of a small trinket or memento. Before you’re inspired to change your life as a result of this gift, keep in mind that it was purchased with your tithe.

Now, everyone please look under your chair and find out the three most common TSR’s of 2009.

THE NAIL:

Most common use: reminder for what Christ did on the cross, reminder of the consequences of sin.

Pros: cheap, easy to find, can send the youth intern to Home Depot to make this purchase.

Cons: will be confiscated at airport security, cannot be used with children under 13, could result in tetanus.

Application: put it on a necklace, hang it from your rearview mirror.

THE PROMISE RING:

Most common use: reminder that true love waits, reminder that perfect love is a circle…it never ends.

Pros: Girls can use it to deflect the advances of guys from the college ministry.

Cons: Christian who have ‘made mistakes’ in the past can’t have one.

Application: Wear it on your right ring finger.

THE ROCK:

Most Common use: reminder that Jesus is our rock, reminder that their are “goliaths” in our life that we need to kill.

Pros: Can be purchased by the pound, multiple rocks provide entertainment for A-D-D kids during ministry time.

Cons: makes really loud noises in the laundry when you leave it in your pants pocket, kids confuse Jesus with Dewayne Johnson (the wrestler).

Application: Put in on your mantle, use it as a cubicle decoration.

THE PUZZLE PIECE:

Most Common use: reminder that we’re are all part of the Christian body, reminder that we are worthless unless we have the other parts.

Pros: recyclable, no individual resale value.

Cons: only comes in quantities of 1000 or 3000, youth group kids try to fit their puzzles pieces together and when they find a match the guy says, ‘God must want us to hook up.’

Use: stick it to your bathroom mirror, tape it to the inside cover of your bible/journal.

Have you ever been TSRed?

Pastors are always looking for new TSR ideas, any suggestions?

I found that using the phrase “If by” was the perfect little sarcastic twist to add to an otherwise normal sentence. When someone would ask me a question, I would answer like this:

“Am I thirsty? No. If by ‘no’ you mean, “I could drink an ocean of grape kool-aid right now!”

See? It wasn’t even funny, but I got so tangled up in it. Before long, I was using the “If by” phrase dozens of times of day. Friends and family members became concerned. Small children and dogs could sense something was wrong with me. Very bad season really, but I recovered. And I think we as a community can too.

Recover from what?

From making Old Testament Bible themed jokes about the new tablet from Apple.

If you’ve never heard one of these jokes, then you are living a pretty good life my friend. You really are.

The jokes are simple, most humor viruses usually are. At the core is comparing the Apple tablet to the tablets Moses brought down with the Ten Commandments chiseled on them. That’s it. Easy. But things never stay that way.

What starts as one little joke spirals out of control until someone is doing a mildly witty twitter stream about the new “iMoses.” (You know who you are, you know who you are.)

So today I want to declare joke amnesty. This stops right here, right now. Let’s get it out of our system. Let’s come together as a community and get out any and all iPad Bible related jokes we have and then let’s walk away. Not mad, just walk away.

So let’s have it.

If you’ve got a bad Christian joke, let loose. I declare today, “Bad Christian Joke” amnesty day. Share it and then just walk away. Let it go. Don’t look back.

What’s your bad Christian joke?

there will be rocks.

When you speak to someone or blog to someone, they are often holding rocks in their hands. The rocks are built of all the negative experiences they’ve ever had with the idea you’re trying to tell them about. I think this is true of everything from faith to organized sports. As you talk to them, they hold their rock, a rock composed of a dad that forced them to play baseball even though they hate it. They hold a rock composed of a church they fell in love with only to have the pastor have an affair. They hold a rock full of all the conversations they’ve had with hypocrites and liars who once shared the same idea you are.

And they want to throw it at your idea. To unleash that rock.

The temptation Christians face often is to pretend that rock isn’t there. There’s a weird dynamic that we believe. We sometimes think that if we admit the church fails or that Christians fail, it means that God fails. So instead of admitting the rocks are there, we ignore them. Or we try to come up with excuses for them or shine them up or dress them up.

But I think that’s the wrong thing to do.

What I’ve learned is that the best thing to do is to confess those rocks are there. To get off your platform, whether in a one on one conversation or on a blog, and stand beside the person and say honestly, “Hey, you’ve got a rock in your hand. It’s a rock that I helped put their with my own hypocrisy and mistakes.” And then, once you’ve said that, once you’ve built a relationship that is real, I think you can ask them for the rock. You can say, “Can we talk about that rock? And while we talk, can I hold it for you?”

You know what happens when they give you their rock? Their hands are open and empty. They can now hold something new in those hands. Something like truth and mercy and grace. You can hand them something new when they hand you something old.

There will be rocks, but that’s OK.

We serve a Christ who knows a thing or two about moving rocks.

Recently, they did a video called “Things you can’t do when you’re not a dog.” I thought it was hilarious and hope you dig it too. You can watch it after the jump.

Colin Burch won the Macbook Pro

Jennifer Phipps won the Nook

If that’s your name, send me an email with your mailing address please.

Thanks for playing!

That is my favorite sentence from a recent article about an escaped monkey loose in Tampa, Florida. Apparently, every time animal control hits this monkey with tranquilizer darts he just shrugs them off and keeps running around down town. He’s become a bit of a local celebrity and has his own facebook page, which lists one of his hobbies as “Messin’ with the popo.”

I love that about Florida. My brother lives there and is constantly telling me weird and wonderful facts about that state. For instance, did you know they have “exotic pet amnesty days?” What’s that you ask? I would love to tell you.

Florida has an issue with giant pythons. They now have tens of thousands of the large snakes in their ecosystem. One of the ways they get in the wild is that when they get too large, some pet owners simply release them into the swamps. There, in the perfect conditions, they grow to 15 feet and threaten all sorts of wildlife. So Florida started amnesty days where pet owners can turn in their exotic pets with no questions asked.

They should sell tickets to those events.

How great would it be to hear those conversations:

“Ahhh yeah, this is a little awkward, but I’ve got a Bengal tiger in back seat of my Kia and I’ll be darned, but the little guy doesn’t want to get out.”

Those interactions would be fantastic. I’m waiting for those events to become a reality show. Until they do though, I’ll just have to rely on my imagination and the odd one off stories I hear about giant pythons in Florida.

I tend to love snake stories and was actually a little surprised to find one in the Bible. It’s in the Old Testament, Numbers 21.

The Israelites are up to no good, continuing a 40-year grumble tour in the desert. And they are an interesting example of complaining because they pull out all the stops. I realized recently that their very first complaint after being saved from slavery was sarcasm. In Exodus 14:11, when the Egyptians are marching toward them, the Israelites ask Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?” Ha! I love that, such a dumb, mocking thing to say. “What, were there not enough graves in Egypt?”

But in Numbers, they’re complaining about the food, actually saying “We detest this miserable food!” That is stunning if you think about it. Imagine if a hostage from North Korea was freed and the first thing they said at the press conference was, “I’m glad to be freed, but the meal on the flight over here was really not up to my standards. Chicken was stringy and the peppercorn sauce lacked pizzazz. It was kind of gross.”

That would be ridiculous, but it’s what the Israelites do, so in verse 6 God says, “Oh yeah, how about some venomous snakes then?” That’s not a direct quote, but you get the gist. Suddenly, it’s like Snakes on a Plane up in that mug. (I’m not sure what that last sentence meant but it felt right.) A bunch of folks start dying, things get crazy and in the midst of that the people pray “that the Lord will take the snakes away from us.”

But God doesn’t, instead he has Moses create a bronze snake on a pole. Whenever the Israelites get bitten, they can look at it and be healed.

Let’s repeat that key idea, God doesn’t take the snakes away.

The biting continues.

The pain proceeds.

Has that ever happened to you?

Has there ever been a situation in your life that you prayed God would remove or fix or solve? He wanted a divorce, you didn’t. Your job is miserable. Your family is fractured. You can’t stop looking at porn over and over again. There are snakes in your bed.

And so you pray to God that he will remove them.

But he doesn’t.

Why?

I’m not sure. In all honesty, I’m just some blogger prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love. But I have an idea. I think God doesn’t remove the snakes because:

God doesn’t give us solutions, he gives us a savior.

A lot of the time, I wish it was the other way around. To be honest with you, sometimes a solution feels more manageable. I can control and understand a solution. I can bend and tweak a formula to my own needs. Christ on the other hand, our savior, isn’t like that at all.

He’s messy. And counterintuitive and uncontrollable. Grace and mercy are two of the most puzzling things on the planet. They’re raw and unbridled and out of control and intertwined with love we can’t possibly understand or earn.

The Israelites wanted a solution. A solution that would remove their snakes. Instead they got a savior in God, the great healer, and the snakes kept biting.

The snakes will come for you. I wish they wouldn’t but they will. My hope for you and for me, is that in moments of poison and pain, hope and happiness, we’ll look for a savior, not a solution.

So, how can we pray for you?

List of people praying:

7:00AM = Toni, Jenny, Tracey, Paul, Jon

8:00 = Steffi, Jordan, Kim, TJ

9:00 = Nick, Alas, Rebecca C, Jennifer, Erin, Susan, Jess, Stephanie

10:00 = Donna, Kels, Brittany, Gina, Violet

11:00 = Alison, Rae, Cindy, Edna, Meg, Jon B.

12:00PM = Aydan, Rayanne

1:00 = Caroline, Phillip, ldhrendur

2:00 = Emanon712, Stacy, cjnash06, huggiesgirl, Curtis Honeycutt, Christina08

3:00 = AymieJoi, Stacy from Louisville

4:00 =

5:00 = Brittany

6:00 = evambrose, Sarah

7:00 = Rebekah

8:00 = Honeylove

9:00 = Persio, Malin

10:00 = Dawngreen, Connie, Mina

11:00 = Rebecca, Shannon

12:00AM = B. Marie, Megan

1:00 = Miss Ashley

2:00 = Squinancywort, Raven

3:00 =

4:00 = Scott, Katy

5:00 = eastern ky pastor, Gina, Jennifer, Tanya, Jenochej

6:00 = Charmaine, Angela, James

The opportunity to imagine a situation where a “Booty, God, Booty” card would be required was just too much fun to pass up. And imagine being single and someone giving you the “Surviving church as a single” greeting card. Tell me that wouldn’t warm your mono heart on a Valentine’s Day?

So I sent the greeting card company my book and I am anxiously awaiting their reply. I’m not going to lie, it’s been about a month and I haven’t heard back from them. Maybe they hated the book. I mean, that is very possible given that the first chapter is “Ranking honeymoon sex slightly higher than the second coming of Christ.”

Which is a shame, because Christians definitely like greeting cards. This topic belongs on the SCL list. But if they don’t publish my greeting cards, I’m probably still going to make some on my own, they just won’t be as high quality. I’ll probably have to just take photos with my digital camera and then write pithy statements. I’ll probably have to start today.

Below is the front of my first greeting card. I took this photo at work the other day. Inside the card it will say: “Angels are working for us.”

I think that’s probably going to sell a bajillionty copies, but maybe you have a better idea.

What would you suggest we write inside this greeting card? Caption please.