[stuff college football fans like]

[#14] trick plays

2009-12-02T02:00:00.005-06:00

Trick plays are like safeties, when executed well, every college football fan loves them.

In 2006, Boise State went undefeated, yet most fans believed they were a joke. Much like this year, they were regarded poorly by the computers, voters, and the college football nation. But on January 1st, 2007, for one day, they changed everyone's opinion. How? The best trick plays anyone has ever seen.

Imagine it's fourth and 18 and you need a first down or you lose. What do you call? College football fans, being the armchair quarterbacks they are, would probably say to send out 5 and hope for the best. No fan is going to tell you to throw it short, add a hook and lateral, and pray you fool the defense. But this is exactly what the Boise State Offensive Coordinator called, and it worked.

So now it's overtime and you just scored a touchdown and need to kick an extra point to send it into another round. What do you do? Here, most college football fans are silently replaying everything the kicker has faltered on (and preparing for the beat down if he misses), while praying their boys can get it in the end zone again the next time out. At this point, the thought of going for two rivals the idea of backpacking through North Korea. But to Boise, the risk was worth it, and not only did they go for two to win the game, but they busted out another trick play (probably the greatest of all time).

When a college football fan watches a play successfully unfold that they would have NEVER imagined themselves, they have no choice but to applaud it. Because fans believe they are the best coaches/players around, a call that tops theirs, can only come from a true genius.

There are many times when fans painfully watch as the running back, after taking the pitch from the QB, throws a wobbly spiral straight at the feet of his intended receiver. These calls always bring forth disappointment and unashamed bashing. But there are those few times, when everything seems to come together, and fate proves that high risk leads to high reward. For fans, they add spunk to their monotonous lives, and allow them to feel as if their TIVO was a worthwhile investment, as they rewind to watch the play over and over.

So here you go... (lets give a little love to Boise... at least for a minute).

[#13] conference comparisons

2009-12-01T23:19:00.000-06:00

"Without a doubt, the best conference in the world is..."

If you have ever read the sports section, been on ESPN, or met a college football fan, you have heard the sentence above. The entire sporting world is obsessed with comparing conferences and the fans you come into contact with are just the tip of the iceberg. While normal people might know PWC, Ernst & Young, Deloitte and KPMG, college football fans are more familiar with their version of the big 4: the SEC, Big XII, Pac 10 and Big 10.

Blogs, articles and of course fan conversations are dedicated to discussing the overall rankings of these conferences (and debating whether the ACC deserves to be back in). If your school does not belong to one of these pristine conferences (aka the MWC, MAC, WAC, Big East, C-USA, or Sun Belt) and has lost a game, you can forget about going to a BCS bowl, and in most cases, being talked about at all. It doesn't matter if the University of Houston beat Rice 73-10, Tim Tebow played his last days in the Swamp, and according to the sporting world, that takes precedence.

The Big 4 conferences are automatically the best each and every year, however, the rankings within them are subject to controversy. Here is where college football fans generally run into awkward fights and battles. Say you are with a Penn State graduate at dinner and casually bring up that the Big 10 is overrated; you may or may not have just ended a friendship. Replace the Nittany Lion with a Florida Gator and suddenly you'll find yourself in a 3 hour conversation using the 2006 and 2007 national championship games as proof of your shared assessment. With conference comparisons, its next to impossible for fans to be unbiased (unless their school is in one of the "other" conferences and in that case their opinion doesn't matter because they don't know what "real" football is).

College football fans will spend countless hours spouting off their statistics, the overall rankings, and past games as proof of their conference's dominance. If you're trying to win one of them over, find a stat in which they DO dominate (believe me they are out there), and you are on your way to a new best friend/relationship.

(Note: Notre Dame is not mentioned because Independent is not a conference, its a copout)

[#12] bowl season

2009-11-30T15:00:00.004-06:00

Football fans hate the BCS, but this doesn't stop them from loving what it produces: Bowl Season. While normal people are frolicking around in shopping malls trying to make Christmas special, college football fans are making body imprints on their couches, settling in for the true season of joy.

When teams break even, they are bowl eligible, meaning they may be invited to participate in a game, that win or lose, is pointless. Winning more games means the bowl increases in prestige, yet still remains pointless. If a team does manage to end a season in the top 2, they win a trip to the only postseason game that matters: the national championship. Bowl season is the combination of these money making games all leading up to the big show, and despite the capricious nature of the match-ups, fans love them.

Fans don't care if they are watching Florida Atlantic top Central Michigan; football is football, and therefore bowl season is the mother load. So, because the appeal may be confusing to non fans, we here at Stuff College Football Fans Like, feel it would be best to show why it is so special through a song we wrote:

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

"Its the most wonderful time of the year!

There'll be upsets a lurking

and old coaches smirking

as they succeed with the veer.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

It's the hap- happiest season of all!

There are fans that are cheering

While others are jeering

cuz refs cant make a good call.

It's the hap- happiest season of all!

There'll be analysts discussing

and teams that are cussing

at the system leaving them out in the snow.

There'll be hail mary stories

and tales of the glories

from games from long, long ago.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

There's the new heisman winner

Looking so beginner

Falling apart after his victory.

There'll be quarterback sacking

As the defense is attacking

and fakes that'll make history.

Yes its the most wonderful time!

Oh its the most wonderful time!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

(written by us in 2003 and redone in 2009)

[#11] tailgating

2009-11-30T13:00:00.007-06:00

Football fans love tailgating. The perfect combination of consuming too much alcohol and food is only bettered by the company of other superfans doing the same exact thing.

Tailgating always begins as early as possible (despite the actual time of the game). When normal people are still in their feety pajamas, college football fans are already in their first round of body paint, parked in their expensive spot, with vodka in their cups and an array of dips on a table. Fans enjoy this activity because it brings their families and friends to a central location and allows them to talk about football for hours (where they are bale to freely discuss the stats they've memorized, compare conferences, and whine about their teams rank knowing that those around them will inevitably agree).

The essentials for any good tailgate are: a tent (to protect from bad weather... because fans don't let hurricanes ruin their fun), more food than most eat at Thanksgiving, and a big screen TV. Why you might ask? Fans love watching football (obviously), so how could a true fan spend an entire day outside, oblivious to the other games around the country? Hooking up a TV to the back of a truck, ensures that fans are able to keep up with the Top 25 and if at an early game, wake up to GameDay.

Fans live for the time spent eating, drinking, and discussing their boys (and how much they hate the BCS). What's better than tailgating for five hours on Saturday? Repeating it every week. So rain, sun, or inclement weather warnings, you know where to find most college football fans.

[#10] football movies

2009-11-29T22:00:00.002-06:00

Ever since the beginning, there have been a few months every year that college football fans believe are pointless. From February-August their beloved boys were either preparing for the draft (which brought about tears) or the next season (which brought about either silence or pointless press). Because of this, fans were desperate for access to some aspect of the game. Enter Hollywood and the emergence of football movies.

Fans watch movies about football because they combine everything they love about the game (and remove what they hate). Movies endings don't change, meaning fans already know the outcome of the game (which takes away the nerves and nausea they feel watching their own boys play). They are also filled with upsets and comeback victories and focus on the sob, redemption and walk-on success stories that fans live for (which is why a movie was made to begin with). Lastly, they have a manly appeal which allows the tears they inevitably bring forth to be excused (you're allowed to cry in Brian's Song because its about two guys on the Chicago Bears team... if only the Notebook was about football.)

Fans love watching the mighty fall, the underdog win, and the scrawny little kid finally play at Notre Dame. These football movies make the offseason bearable, keep the game on their minds, and allow fans to patiently wait until their boys suit up again.

Best football movies: Rudy, Remember the Titans, The Blindside, Jerry Maguire, Brian's Song, The Replacements, Little Giants, Any Given Sunday, The Junction Boys, Facing the Giants (ignore the cheese)

[#9] rivalry week

2009-11-29T16:04:00.007-06:00

Forget the stats, forget the past; its rivalry week... anything can happen.

Football fans live for the week of Thanksgiving. Sure they love turkey and mashed potatoes, but the beauty of Thursday is it begins the glory that is known as rivalry week (note: it is not actually a week, rather it is three days filled with football on practically every channel).

The great thing about rivalry week is that it brings forth a different attitude from players on both teams. Whether a team is undefeated or barely breaking even, when the instate rival comes to town, you come ready to battle. No season is safe entering this week and fans live for the upsets that bring tears to the eyes of their opponents.

Immediately after the teams hit the field, fights break out. Fans love this (mostly because they are not so secretly longing to start a fight with the loud, annoying opponent fan around them.. watching the teams fight enables them to live vicariously through their players). Games are also FILLED with unnecessary roughness, facemask, and late hit calls giving fans multiple opportunities to lose their voice by yelling at the refs and players (both things fans love).

The combination of fights, penalties, and the possibility of vindication makes this week the perfect end to the regular season (unless you're one of those stupid conferences without a conference championship game). If you know a college football fan, serve Thanksgiving early and make sure to send them home with a ton of leftovers... they probably won't leave the couch for the next 72 hours.

This rivalry week was intense and beautiful with upsets and comebacks galore.

Stats 2009:
Florida 37 - Florida State 10
USC 28 - UCLA 7
Texas A&M 39 - Texas 49
Oklahoma 27* - Oklahoma State 0
West Virginia 19* - Pittsburgh 16
Auburn 20 - Alabama 26
Georgia 30* - Georgia Tech 24
South Carolina 34* - Clemson 17
Virginia 13 - Virginia Tech 42
North Carolina State 28* - North Carolina 27
Mississippi State 41* - Mississippi 27
(* denotes underdog victory)

[#8] gameday

2009-11-29T09:05:00.003-06:00

"We're comin' to your CITYYYY!"

Football fans love waking up to GameDay, despite it airing at an hour that shouldn't exist on Saturday. Somehow the faces of Chris Fowler, Lee Corsco, Kirk Herbstreit, and Desmond Howard are not only welcomed in the morning, but alarms are set to ensure all two hours are taken in.

Gameday gets fans up and ready for the best day of the week. The opening anthem brings tears to their eyes as they chant along with Big and Rich hoping that soon they'll be coming to THEIR city (which is the best honor you can have as a fan). Fans love watching the analysts discuss the games (so they can use the arguments later on with their friends) as well as the predictions made by Lee and Kirk (fans don't pay attention to the guest picker because they are all too jealous of his opportunity).

GameDay also provides fans with potentially the only moments of laughter they will experience on Saturday (depending on what team/teams they are fans of) as Lee Corsco will always say and do something ridiculous (including wearing a mascot head).

When GameDay does come to town, fans love breaking out their creativity by producing the best poster for their team and/or favorite player. Markers, pictures, and acronyms are essential for fans to earn a coveted spot in the background (which if achieved will be a bragging right for the rest of a fans life).

[#7] goal line stands

2009-11-28T23:23:00.000-06:00

You and your fellow fans have just watched your opponent march down the field, one first down after another, intent on getting the touchdown they need to win. Suddenly, its first and goal inside the five. "I hate our defense!" You shout to all who will listen (although no one can actually hear you over their own cursing). First down, your defense holds. Second down, your defense holds. Third down, and somehow your defense holds again. Hope begins to fill your soul as you watch the boys line up for the last play. The play clock clicks down... 20 seconds... 15 seconds... 10 seconds... 5 seconds. Snap. Quarterback sneak... HE DIDN'T MAKE IT! Elation.

Football fans love goal line stands (when they are on defense... on offense it makes their veins bulge and their faces red). This is due to the fact that they get to experience every emotion in a matter of seconds. They go from utter anger and disgust at their defense, to surprise at the first stop. By the second they are beginning to get nervous and by the third they are a jumble of everything. Then, once their defense comes through and produces that beautiful victory, their lives are complete.

When watching this situation unfold, you will notice that the same players the fans were cursing a minute ago, have now become their idols or will one day father their children. This is common amongst college football fans. Something as perfect as a goal line stand takes every missed tackle and first down given up and somehow replaces it with rainbows and butterflies.

[#6] using slang

2009-11-28T21:00:00.008-06:00

Fan: "I accidentally told a someone who graduated from Penn State that the Big 10 was overrated and they got mad..."

Not: "How do you accidentally say that"

Fan: "They were bashing Michigan and Ohio State, so I assumed they would agree."

Not: "Eek... how did you leave it?"

Fan: "I said I loved Joe Pa, so hopefully that salvaged something..."

Not: "Is that their mascot?"

Fan: "That's their coach... Joe Paterno..."

Not: "Oh I know who Joe Paterno is, not Joe Pa... what does it make you cooler to say it that way?"(*)

Sadly, the answer is yes.

Fans want the world to know they are fans. Using nicknames gives the perception of familiarity, so in the college football world, the best way to prove you know your stuff, is through just that. Using slang allows fans to showcase their validity by proving they know the sport so well, they can no longer be bothered with full names of schools, coaches, players or positions.

Don't be surprised if a fan mentions their favorite player is a D-back from the U and pauses a bit for your reaction; they are either fishing for the conversation above or recognition from you. Or they are inherently lazy and refuse to say words with more than five letters.

(*)- actual conversation

[#5] talking about tim tebow

2009-11-27T23:14:00.002-06:00

You can't get around a football fan without hearing about Tim Tebow. What's his draft status? Will he be a quarterback in the NFL? Is he the greatest ever? Is he fake? Does he deserve the Heisman? Questions, comments, and opinions seem to always spew forth in regards to Florida's Quarterback.

Football fans love comparing their own beloved QB to him, on and off the field. "When has Tim Tebow ever passed for 400 yards? Obviously he's not as good as Case Keenum" "Well Colt McCoy goes on mission trips too but he just doesn't talk about it..." "Sam Bradford was a sophomore when he won the Heisman too!" Non Florida fans continually use Tim as the standard by which their quarterback should be compared, and somehow they all find a stat by which he is inferior to their boy.

Tim's concussion coverage rivaled the election. For two weeks, you couldn't leave your house (or even stay in it) without hearing someone talk about what happened, whether he should play, if he will play, and how it will affect the rest of the season. Injuries happen every Saturday, but only Tim could have a concussion heard round the world.

Fans are either enamored by "the chosen one" or long to send him back to the hospital. They either think he is next to Jesus in terms of his service and kindness or that he is an alcoholic that hates everyone and somehow has created a fake persona for the media. You'll hear many say he has no future in the NFL, while others are already hailing him as the next Joe Namath. The fact is, you either love him or you hate him, but no college football fan can ignore him.

[#4] armchair quarterbacking

2009-11-27T00:12:00.005-06:00

"I knew Alabama was going to block that field goal!" "Mack shouldn't have gone for it on 4th down!" "Why did he call the option? Of course they were going to stop them for a loss!" "They should have gone for the quarterback sneak!"

Its Saturday and you and your friends decide to venture out and watch your favorite team at a sports bar. You pick your perfect table, but a minute after the kickoff you find yourself surrounded by the angriest voices. You look around to find an obese 40 something to your right and watch as for the entire first half, he incessantly claims he would have done every bad play differently. The second Jesse Palmer hits the screen, you tap him on the shoulder, "Did you play football?" you ask, wondering if you're sitting next to a retired legend. "Of course I played football!" he grunts, "I was the best linebacker my middle school had ever seen!"

Go to any venue in the nation on game day and you will be faced with this same situation. When there is a game on, you will suddenly find that everyone surrounding you is smarter and a better play caller than the guys on the field. No matter the experience (or lack their of), all college football fans believe in their hearts they would be undefeated if they were in charge of the headset or had the ball in their hands.

Most of these fans have no experience, no knowledge, and only make comments in hindsight, knowing the play didn't work. Never tell a fan this. Football fans' pride comes directly from victories and therefore losses aren't just an L on the schedule, they are demoralizing. Because fans have little impact on the game (and none if not in attendance), they need to believe that if they were involved, the outcome would be different. Just allow the armchair quarterbacks to spout off about their potential greatness and try to enjoy the actual talent on the field.

[#3] hating on the bcs

2009-11-27T00:05:00.006-06:00

Every person wants to start a conversation they know will end with those around them cheering in agreement. Enter the Bowl Championship Series. The BCS is crap. Utter and complete crap and EVERYONE knows it (including those who created it). This however, will not stop any and all college football fans from ranting about it year round. Why? Because it's fun to be a part of the majority.

Coaches, players, and fans all want a playoff to end the college football season. They want one champion, entertaining games, and the absence of a bias determining the postseason. There are facebook groups, blogs, and t-shirts all dedicated to this general dismay all college football fans feel towards the system.

But what football fans don't realize, is that when the bowls leave, so do the opportunities for excuses and complaints. Fans love believing their team would be the champion if a playoff existed and that the only reason they are in the toilet bowl, is that the coaches/writers/computers all favor USC and The Big 10 (which is completely true). Many friends and relationships have started over a mutual disdain for the system, and without hating it, fans would have one less thing to love about football.

So since the BCS doesn't look like its going anywhere anytime soon, enjoy bashing it with all your friends and relish in the built in excuses it brings for you and your team.
(If you don't think the BCS is a broken system... you're alone)

[#2] whining about their teams rank

2009-11-26T23:45:00.009-06:00

From the preseason to the final set, football fans love whining about their teams rank. If a school has won a few games, fans will immediately become ecstatic and believe their boys deserve a spot in the coveted top 25.

Once a team starts receiving votes, the complaining begins. "Why is USC ranked so high? They lost three games!" "Well who cares if we lost to UTEP, we beat Oklahoma State so we should be higher than them!" "We beat Mississippi State by more than Florida so we should be number 1!" Fans will find a problem with each and every team ranked ahead of theirs (and here is where they pull out those game stats that they have pointlessly memorized to somehow prove their case). You will frequently hear the phrases "strength of schedule" and "win/loss margin" in relation to their team, as well as those ranked higher. They will give countless details (that you neither asked for or care to know) to justify their teams losses, all the while supplying equally unrequested facts about how overrated every other player and/or team is.

Fans will never accept anything lower than number 1, and even then, will find a way to complain (mostly about the curse of being ranked first and the statistics that go along with that). The best part of it all, is that there are multiple lists released each week, allowing for the optimum amount of tears. "Well the AP has us at 5 so why are we 10 in the BCS? Its an OUTRAGE!" "Well according the the ESPN U Fan poll we are number 1 so obviously that should be taken into account." "The AP poll gave us 8 votes but we aren't mentioned in the USA Today one! Those people OBVIOUSLY don't understand how important the Big 12 is..."

As long as there are college football rankings, they will bring forth whining fans. Never fight someone trying to fight for a rank... its best to just smile and nod until they have left their soap box.

(important note: fans have learned their techniques from watching their beloved coaches, who forget their actual job and turn into politicians, incessantly pleading for the best bowl or one last vote in the AP poll).

[#1] safeties

2009-11-26T23:33:00.006-06:00

Football fans love safeties, for ANYONE (including their own team). Somehow there is nothing better than watching someone fail so badly they score for the OTHER team. Not only do you get to rack up 2 for your opponent, but you also give them the ball, which is humiliation at its finest.

The second a kick off, punt, fumble or interception is downed inside the 5, every fan begins to hold their breath. Each snap the quarterback takes seems to be in slow motion as fans search for the linebacker or defensive end that will make our dreams come true. More times than not, they call a run play and somehow manage to get out of the danger zone. But sometimes, miracles happen, and you get to witness that moment when the quarterback goes down, and the referees make that beautiful signal: safety.

If you're at a game and you notice the quarterback taking the snap from inside or exceedingly close to the goal line, don't just silently pray for the outcome we all desire. Show everyone around you how legit you are and shout it proudly throughout each and every down (bonus points if you actually make the signal and even more if you manage to start a safety chant).

Not all of these humiliation plays are the same, though, and this is why most, if not all football fans despise watching intentional grounding in the end zone. Take the sack like a man, unnamed quarterback, and give us all the safety we were hoping for.