Internet memes:
The term Internet meme (pronounced /ˈmiːm/, rhyming with “cream”) is used to describe a concept that spreads swiftly via the Internet. The content often consists of a saying or joke, a rumor, an altered or original image, a complete website, a video clip or animation, or an offbeat news story, among many other possibilities. In simple terms, an Internet meme is an inside joke, that a large number of Internet users are in on.

Source: Wikipedia

Now that we’ve cleared that up, how many can you spot?

Click image for a larger version in a new window/tab

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Originally seen on: theCHIVE

(Ed’s note: here’s the bit from the forwarded email where they try to make it sound all official and legit. We ain’t buying it! We just read these coz they’re entertaining.) These are actual quotes taken from USA Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluation Records. (Yes yes, I’m sure they are).

Anyway, ‘ave a read and see if you can spot yourself.

“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”

“I would not allow this employee to breed.”

“This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”

“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

“When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”

“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”

“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”

“A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

“He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”

“I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”

“He’s been working with glue too much.”

“He would argue with a signpost.”

“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

“A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”

“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

“He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

“If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

“It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”

Spoiler alert – The real name of The Stig is revealed below (dun dun dun)…

I assume you lot have been following all of the shenanigans over in the UK about The Stig wanting to release an autobiography. No? Well then, here’s a brief refresher course for those who haven’t been paying attention:

• The Stig wants HarperCollins to publish his autobiography.
• They said “Schweet”.
• The BBC said “uh-uh pal – your name must stay secret”.
• A court said “uh-uh BBC – he can do whatever he wants to”.
• The Stig is revealed to be Ben Collins.

Well that just sucks. The whole concept of the secret identity of The Stig was great, funny, and most importantly, harmless. Was it really necessary to go and bollocks it all up? Apparently so – Mr Stig Collins may have a point in this whole thing – everyone else on the show is getting stupid rich by cashing in the show’s massive popularity, so why can’t he. Well if you put it that way…

One minor detail he may have overlooked is that the last time a Top Gear secret identity was revealed, namely that of the original Stig, the producers wasted no time whatsoever in killing him off. And it sounds like floppy-haired bad-jumper-wearing James May may already be considering it if the following article from the Metro newspaper is to be believed:

The 47-year-old star of the Top Gear shows said that the team may oust The Stig in a similar manner to his predecessor Perry McCarthy – who was fired off the flight deck of HMS Invincible after his identity was revealed.

‘We start some filming next week. We’ve had some thoughts – driving to The Stig’s house and nailing his head to the table was one.’ May told The Sun.

The floppy-haired presenter even claimed that the team were considering stripping Collins of his famous white racing suit, claiming that they would be ‘getting our overalls back because they’re not his.

‘And those stupid, poncy shoes he wears. They’re ours. And the gloves.’ he added.

Consider yourself warned Stiggie. James is pissed! Might be time to dust off the old CV.

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More on the subject:

• Sky News – ‘End Of The Road’ For Driver’s Stig Career
• The Mirror – The Stig’s career heading for an emergency stop
• Wheels 24 – The Stig slaps down BBC

Oh very clever.

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Thanks Neil.

Take a look:

WIN!

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Source: FAIL Blog

Take a look at the following three videos – in each one a team modifies a humdrum regularity of our day-to-day life, all with the aim of making life a little bit faster and a bit more fun. Each video carries the slogan “Dedicated to everyone who enjoys speeding life up a little.”

First up – affixing skateboards to shopping trolleys…

Fast lane – The shopping carts:

Next, causing an elevator journey to make you feel a bit like an astronaut…

Fast lane – The elevator

And finally, making access to a Tube station that much more entertaining and speedy…

Fast lane – The slide

I think it’s a great concept, if purely for the fact that it would really perk up your day if you stumbled across this sort of thing! 10 points.

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More campaign info on the official Facebook page – facebook.com/volkswagen

Make a plan – get on a plane to Australia NOW. Trust me on this…

But if you prefer not to trust me implicitly (because let’s be honest, I’m a bit dodgy) here’s why – in the form of the company’s official advert:

Shame, they look so… so… lonely. Besides, that’ll beat the crap out of a day at the Pretoria Zoo.

Go check out their website for more info here, you little perve.

Kinda random. Take a look:

So he has a book out, does he? That’s gonna be worth a look.

No idea who David Thorne is? Sigh…. click HERE for awesome.

536 posts… gone. One and a half years worth of wisecracking… gone. Needless to say I was rather displeased. And by displeased I mean… ummm… not happy? See the snappy catchphrase in the first paragraph.

“Well, that’s that then I suppose.” Coz there was no way in Hell that I was starting out again, from scratch. “Well, blogging was fun. What’s next?”

Sending out a panicky couple of tweets confirmed what I had feared – it was not a local connection problem or anything like that (Hey, don’t judge: I’m not an IT geek. Besides, I was grasping at straws). A reader from London (Hi PJ!) replied that the site was indeed gone. Kaput. Finito. In sy moer in.

Fokit. That’s the best part about the whole internet-thing: if you f@ck something up in the middle of your tiny little nowhere country, you can rest assured that it is f@cked beyond the same level of recognition the entire world over. ”The world on your doorstep. Broken. By you. FAIL.”

Just as I was about to pack it all in, trade the laptop for a bus ticket to Keetmanshoop and become a hermit, I figured I’d try one last time to Google a solution – a solution that did not involve me learning how to reprogramme the space shuttle in 45 minutes flat. Wouldn’t you know it: it turns out this is quite a common blog problem…

If you find that one day your WordPress blog contains no trace of you ever having written a single word, then (i) thank A. Fatih Syuhud, and then (ii) try the following (after your turn screeching “AG P*ES!”):

1. Login to your CPanel, which is located at yoursite.com/cpanel
2. Go to MySQL Databases
3. Select WordPress Database
4. Click Repair. Done.

Yes? Happiness?

Right, if anyone needs me I’m off to do a proper backup of this site. Because every image of Jessica Alba needs to be protected and safeguarded for all eternity. And because we only ever backup after we’ve had a problem, not so?

Your missus wants to go to a movie, so you kindly offer to take her to some chick flick-looking drama about a talented ballerina. She’s happy, you’re happy, birds are chirping, all is well with the world etc. The fact that you offered to take her to a ballet movie seems lost on her.

But alas, this ain’t no “Center Stage” or “Step Up” or “Honey” or ummm… okay, I’m kinda out of dance movies here. Oh, or “Billy Elliot” -- that’s another one. Yeah, it’s not like that one either.

It turns out that Black Swan is more of a psychological thriller than a happy dance flick. Directed by Darren Aronofsky of ‘Requiem for a dream’ and ‘The Wrestler’ fame, this one looks kinda creepy… take a look:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9DevdBithM

Yeah, not so sure you’ll have any brownie points left after that movie. Unless you earn brownie points for going to crap-yourself scary thrillers -- in which case you’ve got bigger problems to worry about.

And lads: if I lost you at ballerina and you moved off to other posts, well here’s something just for you: Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman locking lips in the movie. Coz I had to drag this post into the gutter, didn’t I?

Yep.

You’re welcome. Have I got your attention now?