For instance this very beautiful dress is a master of illusion. It’s taken the models curves and emphasized some and de-emphasized others to make her seem a lot more slender and curvaceous than she really is.

This dress fools the eye by:

• opening up the upper chest area and showing a lot of skin and a tantalising hint of cleavage giving the illusion of fullness but stopping the bust from becoming the entire focus of the outfit;
• the black panel over her bust covers her entire bust and focuses the eye directly on the whole width and fullness, giving the illusion of a very full bust;
• which is further emphasized by the very nipped in waist, giving her bust a round, sexy, but also smaller look;
• the black panel in the centre of the dress literally draws a more slender silhouette onto the model making her look taller and thinner;
• the dress cups the hips and bottom before falling in a lovely drape from mid thigh, further emphasizing the feminine roundness at the same time as hiding any thickness in the legs;
• and the length brushing the floor allows the model to wear heels (possibly?) without displaying shoes which further extends the length of her legs and makes her look taller and thinner.

That’s a lot of duty for one dress and it’s a fabulous example of the way patterns, seams or embellishments can be utilised to great effect to create a silhouette.

Of course patterns, seams or embellishments can also work against you, which I have far more experience with.

This year I received a plant in a very pretty pot and some cookies, both of which are great gifts. In the past though, well, I’ve been give diet books.

The thing is a gift of a diet book or system just makes me feel awful, and it’s pretty hard to be grateful when you just want to hide under the table.

I thought this reaction was just me, but it turns out it’s a sociological response to a subtle message that possibly the giver is not even aware that they’re giving.

That message is, “yes, you’re right, you’re unacceptable the way you are.”

Gwen Sharp explains further on the Sociological Pages in a post Barnes & Noble Mothers Day Gift Guide

Weight-loss related items are, generally, problematic gift ideas. They put the recipient into the position of having to acknowledge in front of anyone watching them open the gift that their weight is considered unacceptable, and that the person giving the gift agrees with that. Even if a person wants to lose weight and is actively trying to do so, they may not wish to have their weight brought up unexpectedly and opened up for public discussion.

So, if you’re thinking about giving a gift of a diet book, or even a body shape book, perhaps its a better idea to offer a voucher or something a little less incendiary even if you do think a person could stand to lose some weight or needs to rehash their appearance. Its far better to offer a little acceptance of who they are than point out that who they are is not acceptable.

And if someone did give you a diet book for Mother’s Day, I’m so sorry, and hey, I think you’re great the way you are.

What did you get for Mother’s Day? Leave a comment and let me know.

There clothes are fashionable, well crafted and look fabulous. Check out their Real Curves section while you’re there to see their clothes on women your size.

Best of all until 13th May you can get 20% off all dresses. Just use the code MOMDAY.

There’s plenty of fantastic options to choose from like the Serena Cold Shoulder Dress, which, I got to say, is something that I would like in my closet.

So, if you’re looking for a fabulous dress now’s the time to buy and save yourself 20%. Click the link below.

Serena Cold Shoulder Dress, Tempting Teal (Women’s Plus Size) – Delectable style and effortless beauty radiates from our Serena Cold Shoulder Dress. Flirty, cutaway sleeves and a functional, adjustable tie detail front add a twist to this classic faux wrap dress. Tie the front panel tight or loose, either way you’ll love how this dress enhances your curves.

The wrap feel to this dress is going to break up a wider torso and the ruching from the side tie will disguise any extra rolls. The sleeves are spacious and flattering and the neckline will breakup your chest and draw the eye to your cleavage. Probably best to avoid if you don’t want to draw attention to your cleavage!

Happy Mothers Day!

The wonderful thing about this dream is that there are actually quite a lot of other people out there who are thinking the same thing. Case in point this wonderful article on xoJane titled 14 Things  No One Will Tell Fat Girls, So I Will. There’s some wonderful stuff in this article but one point in particular that was made was

Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says “Does this shirt make me look fat?” Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.

Yes! Yes, yes and oh my god yes!

STYLE IS BEING YOURSELF

I’ve been compiling a board on Pinterest (follow me on Pinterest!) with pictures of fabulously dressed (in my opinion of course) plus size women. I did that to get used to looking at plus size women, women who look like me.

One thing I notice is that these women don’t observe any rules. This business of body shape and style rules, things I’ve compiled here on this blog, things like, avoid skinny jeans if your legs are fat, are just thrown to the wolves. Instead these women wear what makes them feel good and expresses who they are and what they want to say. And it looks fabulous!

And that’s the real difference. Style is about confidence, it’s about making a statement about who you are, your influences and your passions. It’s about being yourself, regardless of your size, shape or colour, in a world that may or may not approve of you. And not giving a damn about that.

For those of us who’re not actually confident enough to make any statement other than “don’t look at me” the rules are a way to save money on buying clothes and dress in a way that’s at least marginally comfortable.

For those who don’t give a damn, and I’m pleased to say I’m getting there, then rules are to be disregarded in favour of passion and fun and just simple delight in the world.

And that, more than some rules about how to look thinner and more balanced, is what style is all about.

I really like this bustier I spotted on Pinterest. Its a nice colour and I dig the pattern. Love the little touches of lace around the breasts.

The model is gorgeous and she’s rocking some serious curves and the bustier gives her great shape. This is a really lovely garment.

It’s just a shame that it doesn’t fit.

The Issue

The cup on the bustier, and in fact on all bras and quite a number of dresses and tops, is designed to sit at the narrowest part ie directly under the breasts. That’s the function of this sort of top, to support the breasts.

The line is not sitting under the breast, in fact it’s just balancing there about nipple line.

There’s no way to wear a garment that fits like this because it will move. It will either slide up and that wonderful cleavage is lost, or it will slide down and whole lot more cleavage than you were bargaining for will be out there on display.

When you’re choosing an empire line or a fitted top make sure that the hemline under the breasts sits under the breast. It should draw a line under your breasts or alternative in the example below actual around your breast. If it’s not cupping you, it doesn’t fit, and frankly, it looks wrong.

Personally I need to avoid bustiers’ and other tops that have this sort of line since it’s very difficult for someone with such a large cup size as me to get well fitting tops. Viva those manufacturers who do create tops for the top heavy amongst us.

Wearing clothes that fit is an essential for anyone wanting to look good. Plus, you know, it’s just that much more comfortable when the clothes you wear actually work with your body.

This gorgeous wrap top from Kiyonna is a great buy for those who are bigger on top, have large breasts or a little extra in the middle.

• the sweetheart neckline is a great choice for minimising breasts and opening up the chest
• the wrap top fastening acts as an empire line highlighting the slimmest part of the body just underneath the breasts
• the loosely draping top effectively skims over bulges through the middle

AVOID IF …

• If you have smaller breasts this is likely to highlight you have smaller breasts. A higher neckline will work better for you
• be careful if you’re petite as it may overwhelm your frame

On sale for $62.00 from  and available from Kiyonna in Jade, Sugar Plum and black this is a simple top that will work for most.

Eventually enough is enough and I’ve reached that point. I’ve pretty much decided that the way forward for me is to like myself the way I am, right now.

Turns out though, that’s not so easy to achieve. I don’t like the way I look. I mean, intellectually I know that I’m OK, pretty even, the way I am right now, but when I look in a mirror that’s not what I see. I see, well, I’m faaattt!

WHAT YOU SEE IMPACTS HOW YOU FEEL

It turns out there a reason I find it difficult to look at myself in the mirror and see beauty is because I’ve trained myself not to appreciate those images. I’ve created endless vision boards with slender, toned women who look nothing like me. I’ve drooled over gorgeous clothes and never realised I was cementing in my mind my own ugliness.

You see, the images you consume, the things that you see, really do play a role in the way that you view the world, including yourself. This study by Lynda Boothroyd from Durham University in the UK found that by showing women pictures of anorexic women they became more positive toward slender body shapes. Conversely showing images of plus size bodies improved the woman’s opinion of plus sized bodies. By changing  the images consumed it was possible to change the opinions of the participants.

Perhaps that’s why we’re so obsessed with thinness, even if most of the people around us are found to be larger. We’re constantly fed images of very slim actresses and models, all beautifully dressed. All you have to do is watch five minutes of TV and you see more thin bodies than you would all day on the street, Boothroyd says.

This makes a lot of sense to me. I don’t often see people shaped like me in magazines or on TV. Or if I do see them on TV then they’re not positive images, which in itself further reinforces the idea that people, women, shaped like me have no worth, an idea that I’m keen to let go of.

FINDING NEW IMAGES

With the goal in mind of switching off from images of slender women and focussing instead on women who look like me I’ve turned to my friend the internet.

Pinterest in fact. I’ve created a board onto which I’m stuffing lots and lots of pretty pictures of plus size women, otherwise known as women look like me. It’s actually really fun and rewarding to look at so many fabulous photos and I definitely feel I’m seeing the beauty that’s really there.

I’ll let you know how it works out for me. In the meantime, check it out.

Case in point this sweater from the Queen Latifah Collection on HSN:

This two tone sweater from Queen Latifah collection on the HSN

Don’t get me wrong here, I think its a pretty sweater, and I think I could totally rock it. But on this model it just makes her look kinda frumpy. Its literally obscuring her body, and frankly I don’t think this women has anything that needs obscuring. Wearing something that covers her so completely makes it look like she’s pregnant, and not just at the baby bump stage.

It also hits mid thigh which, again, makes her thighs look much bigger than what they are.

On the model, it’s frumpy. On me, well, I think it could suit me. I’m not going to buy it though, because, I only think it could suit me, and I’m in Australia. Getting something here in the first place is an expensive exercise in postage, then to find out it’s not going to work. I don’t think so.

Plus size retailers really need to get on board with this. Plus size clothes are being sold to plus size women and should be shown as they look for the target market.

It’s one of the things I love about Kiyonna. They have a Real Curves section where you get to see the items on non-models. It’s a great idea and really helpful when choosing clothes. After all what better way to see what clothes suit my body shape than to actually see people with my body shape with clothes on!

It’s a lovely vision, but doesn’t actually have much basis in fact. In reality, I’ve just quit my full-time job and I’m scrambling to build a business to replace that income.  I spend much of my life in track pants with no makeup and bed hair. I’m stressed, scared and scruffy. And I’m sooo fat!

Everything I read tells me that healthy habits are what’s important, not the size of your body, and I want to do want to feel more confident. But its not so easy to just stop hating my body. I’m finding it very difficult to just turn off my internal dribble about the size of … well, you probably know how it goes.

TAKE SMALL STEPS

Darla Breckenridge, MS, a psychologist specializing in binge eating at Green Mountain at Fox Run, in her article When Body Love Feels Phony on the Weightless blog says if you have a long term history of self hate, then aim for body neutrality rather than body love. Trying to make the leap from hating yourself to loving yourself in one go is going to seem strange and well, phony.

Instead consider it a scale with complete self loathing at one end and complete self acceptance at the other. So long as you’re moving up the scale then you’re moving in the right direction. Aim to feel better and step outside the negative self talk a little bit at a time.

Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge that the negative self-talk is there.

2. When you hear it, breathe as a way to create the space so you can move from reaction to response.

3. Validate the body hate. Say, “I know you and though you might be trying to help me, I’m going to try it a different way.”

4. Practice progressive affirmations, starting with body neutral ones and growing into body positive ones, as you feel ready. An example might be starting with the neutral statement, “It is important to take care of my body,” and moving onto, “I bless my body with love,” when it feels authentic.

Well, that doesn’t seem too hard. I can do that.

Now I am a lady with a big bust. I have like an F cup, and if you go and look in my closet you will not find a single blouse. And that’s because a standard shape blouse, ie flat front, is never ever going to work with someone with large breasts. Even a shirt that has been … expanded, often never gets expanded enough to cope with holding in a very large pair of breasts.

The difference is in the cup size, which is actually a really good point about this whole body shape thing. Five women can have a bust measurement the same and yet be completely different shapes. For instance me, I have a very narrow back. From the front it’s a different story. I have large breasts and that’s because the actual breasts themselves are a large cup size. My daughter by contrast, who is a couple of sizes smaller than me has a broad back and much smaller cup size.

The point of that slightly embarrassing over-share conversation is that we come in an astonishing array of shapes and sizes and the larger we get the more that comes into play. What that means is that for all us plus sized ladies out there the differences in our body shapes narrow our choice of clothing even more than the restriction of being plus-sized. Its not that they don’t make plus-sized clothing, because there’s more and more on the market every year, though some of it is very questionable and never in the same quantities as ‘regular’ sized clothing, but it is there. Its that so much of it just won’t work for our particular shape, because we’re just that different.

In my case I almost always wear separates as I have such trouble fitting my breasts and then my lower half. For my daughter, she almost always wears dresses because she has really long legs and finds it really difficult to find pants that don’t stop at her ankles.

I don’t mean to suggest that those who aren’t plus size are all the same shape, because no, no you’re really not, not by a long shot. There’s just more scope for finding clothes that will work for your shape because of the volume of clothing available. Even in normal sizes it can be incredibly frustrating finding something that works with your shape.

Its fantastic to see that some manufacturers are addressing specific body issues. I doubt it’s ever going to be a saturated market, but its wonderful to have some choice.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m gonna buy a blouse…