Our humor site, Daily Shite, has started to take off. I don’t want to get into exact numbers, but let’s just say our crazy dream for getting over 100k hits in a month has already been far passed. For the month of February. Yes, today is only the 5th.

See why I’ve been afraid of jinxing things?

Anyhow, we are starting to look into trying to promote the site a bit more, and we’ve decided running a sponsored contest would fit the bill. Only, we aren’t really sure how to go about it.

In the past, PR people have approached me about doing it on my own blog, but Daily Shite is still pretty new, so we aren’t at that point yet. I don’t mind approaching companies for potential sponsorship, but the question is who?

Assuming it was something easy, like join our Facebook page, what could a site offer that would tempt you to enter to win? What would you like to see offered as a prize?

I know some of you have done a lot of these on your own sites, so any advice would be much appreciated!

(And have I mentioned you really should join our Facebook page?)

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If you’ve never been to one, it’s like a huge party with lots of music and drinking and dancing and food and drinking. (Did I mention there tends to be a lot of drinking?) It’s extremely formal, as in white tie and tails formal for men, and floor length ball gowns for the women. Ball gowns which we spend weeks searching for, and even longer starving ourselves to get into.

The one I went to in 2007 and 2008 was by way of invitation from one of my ex’s co-workers. The society itself is known for being highly exclusive, which meant in the end we basically knew no one there other than the person who invited us. My ex didn’t drink, and that coupled with not knowing anyone there meant there was very little socializing done and a lot of awkward standing around. The first time going was exciting, but once the novelty wore off with the second one, I swore I’d never do it again. There’s only so much people-watching that can be tolerated when everyone around you is having a great time and you aren’t.

It was because of this that I said no when I was asked by my friend Heather to go to their ball (name removed..Ooops!), since she is part of the organization. Then our friend Alli joined. And I found out our other friend Hope was not only in it, but her mom was the leader this year. (This society doesn’t do court like most.) I kept saying no, but the idea of getting to hang out with my friends for the night for something other than a Tweetup won me over, and I decided to give it a shot.

To say I am glad I went would be a massive understatement. I must have spent at least half the night laughing my ass off about one thing or another, from the incredibly drunk floor committee women who told her husband that they had to get a hotel room because “A hotel room is a lot cheaper than a DUI!”, to Alli’s son being told by the bartender that if he gave the drink termed the ‘room special’ to his date he’d be sure to get her into bed, not realizing he was escorting his mother. It was awesome seeing Alli, Heather and Hope dancing in the tableau, and seeing all the amazing (and sometimes scary!) dresses women wore, and how funny spouses and friends looked in their penguin suits. I even got to meet a Twitter friend who was in town just for the ball, all the way from Texas!

All in all it was a wonderful night, and I am incredibly happy I stepped out of my comfort zone and went, instead of letting past experiences dictate. There is no question I would go again if I am lucky enough to be on the invite list next year

Left to right- Me, Alli, Heather and Hope

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As I look around my blog today I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. Lighter, more airy, less clutter, less crap. Much like real life for me these days.

Things are not what I would call anywhere near ’settled’, but for now there is at least a sense of security that I was missing for the better part of the last 2 years. I can finally breathe easier, and that feeling of constantly worrying and waiting for the next shit-storm is easing off ever so slightly.

Not content to just wait for the effects of The World’s Worst Divorce. Ever. to wear off, I have decided to make the changes I want a very conscious choice, carried out by action rather than reaction. I’m working on not dwelling on the divorce so much, although I still maintain that anyone who has been as deceitful and vindictive as my ex is due for a whopping dose of Karma-times-infinity. (Then again maybe that’s exactly *why* he got the visit from the herpes fairy, she was filling in for Karma that day.) I know, I know, I said trying to work on it. Slow process.

I came back from my recent trip to Virginia happier than I’d been in ages, and with a strong desire to revamp my blog and start fresh with it. I didn’t want to get rid of my old content, but I did want to change my focus to the road of self-discovery I am on, rather than the hell and back I have been to previously. Paul worked out a way to do all that by archiving my old content, and clearing out my categories so that what is on the main page will be new stuff instead of old. (He’s so smart sometimes!) I decided clean and simple was the way to go, so I dumped the tag cloud, lifestream and other non-essentials and stuck with links to just a few networking sites.

Now that my blog is cleaner and more focused, I can finally get back to basics with my writing as well. My focus for 2010 is to start experiencing all that life has to offer, and to learn to not take myself so seriously in the process. I want to let my inner child out to play again, and re-discover the world through her eyes. I’ve had far too much darkness in my life over the last two years, it’s time to learn to laugh again, even if it’s just at myself.

Sara, hamming it up at age 3.

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It may be the epitome of geeky, but when Paul proposed last night with many of our close friends there to share in the moment, that’s exactly what happened. Thanks to Alli recording the video and Chris taking pictures, we have a beautiful visual record of what many often don’t, and we are able to share that with those we wish could have been there with us (Amanda and Christy especially, miss you guys!) but couldn’t.

Paul popping the question as twitter locals share in the moment.

The actual capturing of the video was incredibly lucky, because he hadn’t told anyone he was going to ask last night. He did however start his speech with something along the lines of us ‘never breaking up again’ or something to that effect, and Allie decided just being a smartass that she needed to get that statement on video. We are so glad she did!

Thank you so very much to everyone who was here to share in the moment last night, and to all of our friends who couldn’t be here but have sent their well-wishes via Twitter, Facebook and email.

Most of all thank you to Paul, my wonderful, sweet, pain in the ass husband-to-be for making the moment so special. This has been so hard-earned for us, but so worth it. I love you.

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My how things change quickly. Almost immediately after the contract was signed and money changed hands, I started getting emails about how he talked to his lawyer, and the court’s decision that I get all the household stuff didn’t include blah blah blah (fill in the blanks, because he is trying to make it sound like pretty much most of the stuff in the house). Nothing belonging to the kids, nothing belonging to him from before we were together (which clearly I agree with), and nothing he terms as ‘gifts’, which he has now expanded to mean anything anyone has ever given us for free, ever, and some of which we paid for. He is also trying to say ‘household items’ does not include appliances, so he gets to keep both refrigerators, even though the agreement he and I drew up includes him buying one from me.  (For the record, the house did not come with a fridge, and we would be taking it with us if we’d moved. I am not talking about appliances that came with the house, like the stove).  As part of the agreement he is supposed to pay me the final $1,000 when I move out by the 11th of December, and as you can imagine he is trying to say anything and everything is reason for him to not follow through on that signed, video-taped contract.

The court papers were exceedingly clear in that he gets the kids bedroom furniture, and I am awarded the remaining household items. I can’t think of any way at all it could be more clear. Yet he continues to try to bargain for, and when that doesn’t work, bully me into, giving him things that I have been awarded by the court. He has even gone so far as to offer to trade me things I already own, for things that I’ve told him are not for sale. The logic, or lack thereof, has been absolutely comical at times, and great fodder for conversation with friends who swear I need to write a book about my experiences when this is all finished.

His visit today was not so comical. In fact it came close to downright scary. He came over to drop off the washing machine, and knowing he was coming I had the video camera ready (something I started some time ago for my own safety).  For those who may have doubted or thought I was exaggerating when I describe his behavior, you can not see it with your own eyes. Nothing happens until about a minute in, and you can see when he comes in he is immediately pissy and confrontational, despite the fact that I’d said nothing to him or even tried to initiate conversation.  Warning ahead of time- there is some language here so I’d deem it NSFW, or not safe to listen to around kids.

The police won’t issue a restraining order unless he actually does something (I looked into this back when everything first went down) but luckily this will all be over soon as I have agreed to be moved out by the 11th. Needless to say after his behavior today, I will be carrying my pepper spray on me as well, in addition to keeping the video camera running.

I’m taking no chances.

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Longtime readers of my blog know just how big this news is. This has been nothing short of a war for over a year and a half now. Luckily the kids have for the majority of it been kept in the dark, but the process has taken an emotional toll on all of us, so there was a huge sigh of relief just calling the courthouse and hearing that yes, the divorce decree had been processed yesterday.

The relief was somewhat short lived as I got and read the papers. The terms of my divorce are somewhat unusual- the ex got custody of the kids, and I continue to have supervised visitation pending the results of another psych evaluation, and if I am deemed not to be a threat to anyone, then I will be allowed normal, every-other-weekend unsupervised visitation.

For all of the hassle and concern, you’d think I’d put a gun to my kids heads rather than tried to overdose myself in a hotel room alone in a moment of extreme stress.

I’m not overly concerned about that part, just curious why a second evaluation is needed when the court already has a copy of the first one I undertook voluntarily.  The interesting part about it is that visitation has now been ordered at a family center here who charges $45 an hour, at his expense. Ouch. Considering how often I haven’t been able to see the kids because no one was free to be here to supervise, this arrangement is actually something of an improvement over what it was, and is clearly very temporary. The thought of him having custody of our kids kills me, but the fact is right now he is the one with a stable job, and when I am able to look at things objectively I know this is a good opportunity for me to get myself settled and in a better place financially to equalize things more in the future. It’s a very bitter pill to swallow though to even think about that.

As for the rest…When we were in court the ex was asked about his plan for things financially. At that point he said there was nothing in the house worth fighting over as far as assets, and that he had a company lined up and willing to give him an equity loan on the house (which we long ago agreed he’d keep) and he would use that that to give me a settlement check when the divorce was over. Said all this on the stand, under oath.

Clearly the judge took all this to heart, and since the ex felt there was nothing worth fighting over, awarded me everything in the house, aside from the kids bedroom furniture. Yes, everything. ( Alabama- equitable distribution state FTW!)

Guess who has suddenly decided, despite testifying otherwise, that maybe he can’t give me that lump sum after all? The papers say he has the ‘option’ to pay the settlement in $120 a month installments, starting in January.

Guess who is saying that if I want him to pay the lump sum so I can, after being locked out of the checking account for the last 18 months and given only enough money to barely get by on, start over and get a place to live, must now make him an offer on the property the court awarded to me in the divorce.

In short, if I want the money up front as he has agreed to multiple times both in and out of court, I basically must agree ahead of time to give up some of what the court gave me as part of the settlement.

Worse yet, he won’t even tell me what it is he is after, he just keeps telling me to ‘make him an offer’. I’m not stupid, nothing I even tried to offer would be enough, and I’d likely be considerably better off selling what I don’t need rather than trying to bargain with him.

He is even now arguing that things that he bought and paid for himself are ‘gifts’ (to himself apparently) and that they ‘don’t count’ in what the court awarded me. I’m sorry, what part of everything but the kids bedroom furniture is so hard to understand?

Icing on the cake? He’s making comments about the time I have left in the house running out and how I will be living in my van if I don’t get the money, so I need to hurry up and make him an offer.

So rather than going and signing papers on a cute rental house I found tomorrow, I get to go back to the courthouse and start filing more crap to get this all dealt with. More time, more headaches, more delays.

I just want this done. I want it over so I can get out of this house and move on, but as usual his wallet is more important than trying to make a stable life for his kids, and a smooth transition for all of us.

I don’t know why I expected any better from him. 18+ months of being fucked over at every opportunity should have taught me better.

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“Don’t get mad” Paul tells me, “but my ex just called here.”

Oh for fucks sake what does she want now???

“My divorce is final. It’s done. Over. I am now legally free to be with you.”

Suddenly I didn’t care about the time. I didn’t care that I’d been woken from a sound sleep. For the moment I didn’t even care that she’d called. I just felt complete and utter relief.

It was over, his divorce was finished.

To be honest, we were both taken by surprise. There have been some holdups in his paperwork along the way, and we’ve heard nothing for ages. I had my hearing on Nov 5th, and am expecting my papers literally any day now. We both thought for sure mine would be finished first. Either way we are beyond thrilled that this major step is done, for him at least.

Friends have been asking all day what is next. Truthfully..nothing, for a good while at least. It may seem odd to some, but we always said once the divorces were final we wanted to do things properly. We know we want to be together, but we decided a long time ago there would be no engagement while either or both of us are still legally married, and when he does ask, he will be here in person to do it. We both need to get better situated financially before we start filing papers for the visa process, and I need to get settled somewhere and give my kids some time to adjust to the situation as it stands(whatever that is, no word from the court yet) before anyone new is brought into their lives.

As excited as we are to start our lives together, we are not rushing into anything. We’ve been through so much over the last year and a half, and for now we are just thrilled that a big part of the stress has been lifted off of us. We are looking forward to my legal stuff being wrapped up, and getting the chance to just be us as a couple for awhile as we rebuild ourselves and start working towards our goals for the future.

Congratulations my love. I’m so very happy for you

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The email address is obviously fake, but the IP is not. ‘Ybil’ obviously standing for ‘your brother in law’, and I REALLY wish he’d quit referring to himself as that, because I certainly don’t claim him.

Author : Ybil (IP: 68.63.56.13 , c-68-63-56-13.hsd1.al.comcast.net)
E-mail : tifolluf@erauoy.com
URL :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=68.63.56.13
Comment:
“They need you to be their mother, to be strong and to spend your energy on loving them…” I could not agree more. This is 100% right. But she is focused on being greedy and more worried about material things than seeing and spending time with her children.

(Sara’s note here- I was supposed to see my kids this weekend but my ex decided I was not ALLOWED to have them this weekend as planned because I refused to agree to a ‘permanent’ change of visitation schedule when we are waiting to get orders from the judge on this literally any day now.  I’m not stupid, I do what the judge tells me, not my ex, and when I refused to agree to it he said I am not allowed to take the kids this weekend.)

“…instead of wasting it on pleasing someone who is impossible to make happy and being a slave.” What the heck are you going on about? Who do you think she is trying to please that is impossible, herself? “A slave,” who the heck is she a slave too, her own selfish, misguided hatefulness?

I guess you and her both think that you can do mean, hateful crap to people and they are supposed to just take it, accept it, and be just as nice and amiable in return. The two of you cannot get the support you need from what family and friends you have left, so you turn to these blogs to try and muster support for the mean, hateful crap you have done, and have the nerve to call it “growing.” What amazes me even more is that there are folks out there that buy your crap. But there is a common denominator in those that agree with you; it appears that most of them have done the same evil crap you two have done.

How long were you married? She has been married twice and now divorced twice. It will be interesting to see which one of you cheats on the other first. Good luck with that, you two deserve each other. Let us see if this post sees the light of day, and if it does how you will spin it.

Approve it: http://www.suburbanoblivion.com/wp-admin/comment.php?action=mac&c=9254
Delete it: http://www.suburbanoblivion.com/wp-admin/comment.php?action=cdc&c=9254
Spam it: http://www.suburbanoblivion.com/wp-admin/comment.php?action=cdc&dt=spam&c=9254

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Today I turned 31, and as I read back over that post, I am struck by how fortuitous it was without even realizing it.

My 20’s were pink. I wanted to prove to the world that I was still young, despite having kids. I wore things that I shouldn’t have, thinking they made me look my age instead of looking like a mommy. Damnit, I was still sexy even if I did have kids, and I was determined to prove it! Don’t you see me?? There is still a woman under these children! Look at me!!

At the time I thought I was wanting recognition from anybody, but looking back it’s clear to me it was in relation to my marriage at the time. I felt completely ignored, and not of much use to my ex other than as a housekeeper and caregiver to our kids. For years I’d told him how his lack of affection towards me made me feel unwanted, and for years I got no more than a less-than-token effort.

My 30’s will be red. I have always feared red, feeling like it would overpower me, call attention to me, and show off how unsophisticated I was. Yet now at 29 I am starting to realize the power it holds. Not a fire engine red; no more of that desperate, ‘look at me!!’ here. A burgundy. The color of a finely aged wine ready to come into its own. The color of a silk gown that hints at curves but leaves them guessing. Strong and confident, but subtle. Sophisticated.

It was a matter of days after writing that post that I decided I would eventually be filing for divorce. It was a few weeks later that Paul and I began talking, and a couple of months before I realized he was what I needed in my life.

The French have a saying that life is too short to eat bad food or drink bad wine. It has taken me till 29 to grasp this, and I plan to not only embrace it, but revel in it.

Revel in it I did, and at the highest of costs. Most of you know what happened from there. It’s no secret. For those that don’t, it’s in the archives.

With my hearing last week and literally waiting for my divorce papers to be mailed, I have asked myself often if it was worth it. The friendships I’ve lost, and possibly a continued battle for custody of my children to my ex..was it worth what I am taking away from this?

Though many might not understand, I have to say yes.

Being with my ex was like slowly suffocating to death. Everything was about him, with very little room for me. I had no concept of myself as an individual, because I wasn’t really allowed to be one. To get what little approval I ever got from him, I had to be what he wanted. Someone that I wasn’t. That life was all about appearances, with no depth at all. From the outside things may have looked ok, but inside I was dying.

Once that split was made, everything started to change. I have come out of my shell, and learned to stand up for myself, something I never dared do before. I started to learn who I am, and what is important to me. I stopped worrying so much about what everyone else thought, and started to live my life by the promise I made myself two years ago- to really start to live, without fear, and without regret.

The fear part I have managed, the regret part has not been so easy. There are things I wish I could take back or change, but how different would I be now without those experiences? Without the trials of the last year and a half, would I have the strength to face an uncertain future? It’s all woven together inextricably, and I can’t take the good parts without the bad.

All I can do is look ahead, and I am doing so with gusto. I am looking at going back to school, and just yesterday I found a pretty good candidate for the next place to call home. It’s not the west-end cookie-cutter house that I am used to, but that’s a big part of what I like about it.

They say life begins at 40, but I say 31 is looking like a damn good place to start. Here’s to the next year, and whatever it may bring.

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karly@xxxxxxxxx.com

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mom_says@xxx.net

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neilochka@xxxxx.com

They do take anywhere from a day to a week to arrive, so if you don’t see an email right away don’t worry. Congrats to those who won, and if you didn’t, check back often, I will be handing out more as I get them!

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Oddly enough, the worst part in all this wasn’t finding out she lied. Yes, it was disturbing.  After all, before this, I followed Nic myself, and liked her sense of humor. I respected her.

Yet worse than discovering she lied was discovering how sadly apathetic the blogosphere could be.

People twittered saying she fucked up, leave it alone, why does anyone care?

Blog With Integrity, whose badge she displayed on her blog (no small irony there), posted a statement taking no stand at all.

Other bloggers blogged, many with no real opinion either.

It has actually gotten to the point that those of us choosing to voice our opinions are being called out, at times rather rudely.

This is truly disturbing beyond words to me that people actually think this doesn’t and shouldn’t affect them.

The blogosphere is at it’s heart a community. An incredibly diverse, rather disjointed and often dysfunctional family of sorts consisting of those who enjoy writing and sharing their lives and opinions with the world. There are relationships among bloggers, and between writers and readers that on some very basic level must contain an element of trust to be maintained. Writers must trust those they link to to be accurate, and readers must trust the content they are consuming and the emotional relationship they develop with the writer are what they are represented to be.

Trust which is shattered when a blogger chooses to lie to their audience and to their fellow bloggers. That breech of trust makes everyone question whether anyone they read or know online can be believed, and in the end that affects how the blogging community is perceived as a whole.

While one can argue a few bad apples shouldn’t spoil the barrel, I point to the Blogging With Integrity movement itself as a case in point. Clearly many ARE worried that the ethical lapses of a few could spoil it for us all for the pledge to even exist.

Bloggers are at a disadvantage to begin with in terms of credibility. Traditional journalists are assumed by their title to be strictly reporters, with no bias, and with all the resources and skills to fact-check everything before they put a piece to press. That they are human and naturally will be biased, and that many news pieces have been printed and retracted due to errors or untruths is of no consequence. At the end of the day, bloggers are people behind a screen, and are not considered reliable. (A fact I’ve seen many a blogger rail about.) One of the biggest difference between bloggers and journalists comes down to accountability. A reporter fucks up on their facts, they can get fired.

Who is the blogger accountable to?

In my opinion, we are all accountable to each other. The blogosphere is and should continue to be a self-policing entity. That doesn’t mean letting bad behavior go without comment for the sake of peace or ‘respect’. It means doing as we have for the most part always done, and calling out those who do things to damage the reputation of all of us involved- those who fabricate, those who plagiarize, those who attempt to take advantage of the community for their own personal gain.

That’s not to say this should be abused. There has been behavior this weekend that clearly crossed boundaries. It’s one thing to call someone out on your blog, it’s something else to potentially put someone in danger by posting things like their home address online. There is a difference between policing and vigilantism.

At the end of the day, all bloggers have are their reputations, both on their own and as part of the community they participate in. When one part of the structure becomes unstable, it throws off the balance for all the parts, not just those closest to the weak link.

The only way we can maintain our integrity as a whole is to be willing to take a stand, and not sweep things under the rug after we’ve shot the messenger. It is not just the wrong-doer’s reputation at stake here, it’s yours as well.

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This morning’s light however, showed a different story. A very, VERY different story.

Not to take this sitting down, TSA responded to the firestorm with the security footage of the Atlanta airport that morning. Footage that quite clearly shows that the incident detailed on her Twitter stream and blog never actually occurred.

Yes, she and her son were there. Yes, they were briefly detained and she was searched, but the mysterious phone call she made when the agents weren’t looking, the separation of mother and son..None of it is seen on the camera footage.

Footage which is clearly dated and timestamped, without any more than a second or two’s jump as they show film from the next camera when she moves.

Footage which ends with her clearly walking away with her son after she is searched with no lapse at all in time.

The best explanation she seems capable of offering in her response refers to things that supposedly aren’t shown (bolding for emphasis)-

in the video, it looks as though my son is playing happily in his stroller while i am being searched with a wand. obviously this is the big discrepancy with my story, since he was not in my sight at that time, and one that i too am thoroughly looking into. neither of the two phone calls i placed while seated in security are in the video either. what is shown in the video is incomplete as it leaves out when the security agent took my son to a separate area and out of my sight. this matter is one that is being handled between my family and the TSA.

In short, she seems to be accusing TSA of doctoring the footage. An extremely serious charge.

So what’s the real story? If TSA was covering this up, why? It’s not like they haven’t fucked up and had to apologize for things before. More likely, what motivation would she have for lying?

I have seen it mentioned several times now that some believe that she truly believed this happened, and that her anxiety caused her to hallucinate.

I find it more interesting that this is never the case when other bloggers online have been ousted as frauds. As Paul said in a comment on his post about this today, had this been a man who posted a story like this, he’d have been ripped to shreds by the blogging community, no questions asked. I’ve actually been a bit surprised at the huge number of people who have been quite adamant that this should be swept under the rug and allowed to blow over without comment.

I understand compassion, I understand wanting to protect your own, but I also understand the damage done to the credibility of the blogging community by bullshit publicity stunts like this.

I’m not trying to imply anything, but when you want to be taken seriously, you might not aught to be posting stuff like this on the internet less than 24 hours after the incident…

You wouldn’t want to look like you were…I dunno, trying to make money off something that caused you, in your own words, to have an anxiety attack and horribly traumatized you…

It has dawned on me as I write this that it should be simple enough for Nic to prove at least part of her story is true, if she so choses- posting a picture of her call log would prove the calls she claims are missing from the security footage. I’m raising the suggestion, but I doubt it will be taken up.

Insanity indeed.

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After pacing the floor and cursing for weeks waiting patiently for my Google Wave invite to get here, I woke up this morning to the beautiful site of an invitation from Google in my inbox! Whoohoo!

I added Paul to the list first thing because he has been waiting for this too, but then realized I had seven invitations left, and there are a lot of people still waiting.

Short and simple- leave a comment here (be sure to use a valid email address!) letting me know you still need an invite. If by Friday we only have seven, those people will get them. If there are more, I will pick seven at random. Nothing fancy, no crazy hoops

Looking forward to seeing everyone on the Wave!

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I wrote last week about getting a very nice email back from Mark’s work regarding the nasty messages he was leaving on my blog from their internet.

I thought for sure that would be the end of it.

A week later I get this comment…

“You ought to be careful, you don’t want to be charged with harassing him at work, and lose everything you own or might own. How did it go on your big day in court? Did you screw his brother too?”

Aside from using his signature ‘screwyou@’ email (this time spelled backwards for a little variety I suppose) his IP address traced right back to his neighborhood.

I couldn’t believe he would be stupid enough to pull this crap again. Why? What is the payoff for this? I emailed him with the copy of the comment and this-

So please explain to me Mark, what is the point of this crap? Why do you continue bothering me after you have been told repeatedly to stop, over a situation you have nothing to do with? Do you think doing stuff like this is going to help the ex in court, or are you just that desperate for the attention you get from being shown as the stalker you are on my website? This is what you call Christian behavior? Somehow I doubt God would approve. Sara

This is where it gets interesting. Or crazy. You decide. His reply-

DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE. Not by email, not by phone, not through a family member, not through a fellow employee, not by mail, NOT BY ANY MEANS. If You contact me again, you had better hone your lawyering skills because I WILL get a restraining order, and if that does not stop you, I will drag your butt into court and sue you for harassment. Signed, MARK W. JXXXXXX

I’m sorry, did I miss something here?

So let me get this straight..The man with a documented history of contacting me (and other bloggers!) through my website, who I have had to report him to his job because of it, is now threatening to take me to court for ‘harassing’ him, because I responded when HE initiated contact?

Sounds like someone needs some serious help. And a meeting with one of those ‘lawyering’ people to explain to him what harassment exactly is, and why he needs to stop it before his ass gets thrown in jail.

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Hello Sara,

I would like to follow up with you regarding your email dated September 16, 2009, in which you complained about receiving unwelcome messages from one of our employees who was using our IT system. We do appreciate you bringing your concerns to our attention and allowing us the opportunity to address them.

We discussed this matter with Mark ******* and made it clear to him that he is not to use our computer system or internet connection for personal communications, including blog or website postings. We believe that should prevent a recurrence. I do ask that you let me know if you receive any further communications from our IP address or from our IT system.

Thank you again for your email.

With best regards,

M****** *****
Office, HR Manager

I sent them an email back thanking them for their help in all of this. Despite what he and my ex seem to think, just because a blog is readable by anyone, does NOT give you the right to send verbally abusive messages to the site owner just because you get a bug up your ass.

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JetBlue

JetBlue airline recently launched an ‘All You Can Jet’ pass giving customers the opportunity for unlimited travel to any JetBlue destination for a month for only $599. Not useful for me, but very useful for those who were able to take advantage of such an unheard-of deal.

Why does this make me smile? JetBlue’s twitter crew started retweeting links to blogs people have set up to chronicle their month-long travel adventures. Just some of the examples-

The two friends traveling for 31 days, spending only 12 hours in each city.

The couple traveling for new culinary adventures.

The girl doing an 8 city photo-journey.

The lawyer meeting online friends in 11 cities in 23 days(and job-hunting).

The baseball tour- 13 games in 10 stadiums.

Everyday Love Stories

This site has been so much fun to work on, and I had a new story go up today of a man who met and married his wife within 5 weeks, and the two have have been married for 26 years.

There will be a couple more great ones going up this week, so be sure to subscribe in your feed reader, or follow Everyday Love Stories on Twitter.

DailyShite

This has been a great weekend for posts on DailyShite, but my favorite by far was this morning’s post with the baby laughing hysterically at his own reflection. No way you can watch that one without breaking into a grin!

So what has made you smile on this rainy Monday morning?

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When you know who is sending them, it stops being a joke, and starts to get a little scary.

I received two emails today from the comment form on a new site I have in the works, Everyday Love Stories. For those that haven’t checked it out yet, the site showcases ‘How We Met’ type stories from the average couple. I built this site for a variety of reasons, but mostly because the stories are all beautiful to read, and who doesn’t need something to smile about? I certainly do!

So imagine my shock then I get two comments to be moderated from that site that are not only personal in nature, but quite nasty. It took me a minute to look at the name and realize the ex’s brother had struck again, despite previous emails saying he would not be contacting me any more.

(Click on the images to see them full size)

I did an IP trace, which brought up this-

Company name is blacked out, but the comments have now been traced back to where Mark works.

Clearly he missed the day in Stalker School where they discussed not doing this shit on company time.

I have for the most part previously ignored these messages from him, but I decided after him saying it would stop that this needed to be addressed immediately, and sent him this, which I also copied to the ex, his parents, and Mark’s wife(who for the record is a VERY nice woman and I am certain had no idea he was sending them, likely his parent’s didn’t either)-

I was told back in December these nasty, semi-anonymous emails that I had been getting for a nearly a year would stop. the ex has said he would talk to him, and Mark himself said it would stop. I just received two more today, so clearly that has not happened.

Mark, I have no idea what your obsession with me is about, but it needs to end, NOW. Your IP traced back to (company name removed) here in Mobile, and I have the screenshots to prove it.

I have no choice at that point but to contact your employer and ask they they step in, since this is being done on their time and their internet connection.

If there are any more incidents I will be forced to pursue criminal harassment charges.

I hope for the sake of your own well being you realize you have a serious problem and get some help for it. This divorce was filed 18 months ago and I am doing my best to move on with my own life. I wish you would too.

Stalking people this way is NOT healthy.
Sara

I then sent this to the company he works for. What, you thought it was an idle threat?

I am currently having a problem with one of your (company name removed) employees sending me nasty and harassing emails from your intranet. The two I received this morning came in at 9:26am and 9:27am as comments through a website form on one of the sites I run.

I am enclosing screenshots from the two emails, as well as a screenshot from the IP lookup which links that IP address to your company.
The person sending them is Mark (middle and last names removed), he is an employee of (company name removed) here in Mobile, AL and serves as the (long boring job title removed). I am currently going through a difficult custody battle with his brother, which is I suspect why he keeps sending these messages. I have previously attempted to address this matter with him when the messages were coming from his home internet, and he admitted to sending them, and claimed it would cease.

Clearly it did not stop, and it is now happening on your company time and via your internet.

I am copying Mr. (last name) in on this email so he is fully aware it has been brought to your attention.

I would like someone to please contact me and let me know when and how the company plans to deal with this, because I plan to pursue criminal harassment charges against him if there are any more incidents, and if the incidents continue to occur from the (company name removed) network, (company name removed) will then become involved as well.

If any further information is needed such as copies of the actual emails or the website used to trace the IP I will be more than happy to provide them.

Thank you so much in advance for your assistance in this matter.

Sara (full contact info)

I almost hated doing it, but this clearly isn’t going to stop unless I do something. I have sat back and taken all the mud that has been slung at me, feeling like I deserved it, because let’s face it, I did have an affair. I have never tried to play that down, or act like it didn’t happen.

I do however believe that after a solid 18 months of harassment, I have served my time. I have had to put up the written and verbal barrage of sheer shit that I have gotten from both the ex and Mark, and quite frankly I’m fucking DONE with it.

At some point they both need to get over it, grow up and move on.

I’m not taking this lying down any more.

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It hurts even typing that out.

When the order was originally put in place, my then-lawyer assured me that this was only until we got my hospital records, and then everything would go back to how it was. 3 weeks of back and forth with the hospital to get my records, only to be told they didn’t use the specific wording he thought we needed to be done with this in one go. Nothing wrong with what was said, but he wanted specific phrases before he would even try to get this in front of a judge. Fuck me.

“Go get a psych evaluation done” he tells me, so off I go to be questioned and analyzed. The result? Same thing we knew all along- I was under extreme stress from my divorce, and made an impulsive decision that the psychiatrist does not feel I will repeat.

Great! Let’s take this back to court!

“Too close” he tells me, “Wait until the divorce hearing in a couple of weeks. This will all be over then.”

Frustration, anger, confusion. I just want my kids back home.

Then the day before court, he takes himself off my case. A solid year of telling me ‘do not go back to work’, a year of me pushing him to get the Status Quo order enforced (and him not doing it), and he drops me because I can’t pay him. There is some kind of serious irony there I think.

The day he is notified I have no lawyer, the ex files to have me kicked out of our house, and a hearing date is set for that. Job-hunting proves unsuccessful, and it very quickly becomes obvious a new lawyer is out of the question and I am going to have to defend myself.

Which I did, successfully.

Months of emails from the ex telling me that I was a shitty mother, calling me an unfit parent, and threatening to not let me see the kids for whatever reason he felt like that day had taken their toll on my confidence, but it was that small victory that made me realize that I wasn’t as helpless as I felt in all this.

A couple of weeks ago, with the help and support of Paul, I went to the courthouse and filed two motions with the court. One asking the temporary custody order be dissolved, the other asking the ex be held in contempt for his refusal to follow the Status Quo order that had been put in place a year before.

A solid year I have been locked out of the bank accounts, had no access to the credit cards, and since he moved out of the house, have been given only money for gas, $20 a week in personal spending, and $30 a week for groceries, which has to cover all meals, cleaning supplies and personal items like razors and tampons. Let’s not forget the extra meals for 3 kids and a supervisor 2 days every other week as well, which also has to come out of my $30 a week. No extra money for that.

For all my previous lawyer’s hemming and hawing and talking about how he was ‘trying to get a court date’ for months, within two weeks I heard back from the court with a date.

On October 2nd we go back to court, specifically for the purpose of dealing with these two issues. With any luck at all, my kids will be back with me when it’s over.

The last bit of advice my previous lawyer gave me when I left his office was not to do this on my own, under any circumstances. The person who represents himself has a fool for a client.

Maybe I’m wrong, but all things considered I have a lot more faith in my therapist, who says I’ve come a long way in learning to take control and stand up for myself.

This clearly isn’t going to change unless I take action, and if looking foolish is the worst that can happen I’ll gladly take that risk to have my kids back with me where they belong.

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If Meme is going for simplicity, they hit the nail on the head. You can’t get a more basic micro-blogging service. You have the option to post a snippet of text, a picture, music or video. Like most services you have the option to subscribe to other users Memes, and each user has an RSS feed so you can subscribe in a reader, stream though a lifestream, or whatever else.

While Yahoo Meme has been compared to Twitter due to it’s ‘repost’ feature, this is really more along the lines of Tumblr, or a stripped-down version of Posterous. In fact, it’s this lack of features that makes the service so very unimpressive.

One of the biggest drawbacks to the service is the incredibly insular feel it has. There are no options to share content to other places, which means content is simply posted and then reposted within the service to other members. I understand Yahoo wants to focus on keeping traffic within the site, but in the end it really starts to feel like nothing but a Yahoo member circle-jerk.

You’d think with this ‘content in, not out’ mentality, they would make it easier to post things to the site, but not so. Videos cannot be uploaded, only shared via links, and only from Youtube and Vimeo. Sorry Seesmic, Metacafe, and all the rest! Most remarkably, you cannot even share video from Yahoo’s own Yahoo Video service. Whaaaat? Music is just as awkward, requiring a link instead of direct upload.

With all the hoops to jump through to post there, at least they make it somewhat easy to use by giving you a bookmarklet or browser button to post media directly to your account from your browser, right?…Right?

*Crickets*

That would be a no. Items can only be posted directly via the Yahoo Meme dashboard.

I have gone over this site pretty thoroughly, which given the lack of features, didn’t take long. Yahoo Meme could maybe be recommended if all you wanted was a basic microblog service that you don’t expect anyone else to actually read. Until some of the most basic features are added for social bookmarking and sharing, and Yahoo makes it easier to post via uploads and bookmarklets, don’t waste your time.

Yahoo Meme’s attempt to recreate the microblog fail to impress, and in this case feel more like other services’ leftovers re-plated and served cold.

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