Today I found something shared in my Google Reader that makes me think there might be something to this. Clearly what the internet needs is a Douchebag Award.

I was going through my Google reader this evening and came across a piece someone had shared on using Google Alerts to boost book sales. An Alerts user myself, I scanned the piece to see if there was anything useful in it. The post author talks about setting up an alert for anytime someone mentions your product, and being sure to comment and thank the person who wrote about it. Engaging with your audience is good, no matter what you are selling, right?

Then he comes out with this little gem-

4. Offer to send them a signed copy of your book. Or two or three copies. Here’s why:

• They can give to their friends. You can personalize the signature to their friends.

• Now they should be wowed. The blogger and their friends.

• Now, you’ve made that blogger stand out as…cool, connected, important. You’ve boosted their street cred in their community.Now, you’ve made yourself stand out as an expert resource and great person.

As a blogger of 3 years and someone heavily involved in social media, let me educate you Mr. Safrit, because you are WAY off track when it comes to bloggers.

1. Recieving an offer to get a free copy of your book AFTER it has been purchased and reviewed is not going to wow a blogger. Ever. We get offers for free copies of books constantly, and the deal is that the review comes afterwards. Why would anyone be impressed that someone will give them a copy of a book they already own?

2. Offering to autograph it? *yawn* So 15 years ago.

3.  ”Street cred” in the blogging community does NOT come from hawking your crap. Just the opposite. A blogger worth reading is a blogger who values themself enough to be properly compensated for their work.

No you have not “made yourself stand out as an expert resource and great person”, you’ve just made yourself look like a douchebag with your condescending attitude towards the very people you seem to think will quite happily work for you for free.

Congratulations.  Wear it with pride, and every time you look at it, remember the lessons learned here today.

Douchebag Award

When I redesigned my theme the last go-round, I knew I wanted something different. Something darker and sexier. Something that says “Look at me- I’m 30, I’m confident, and I am worth listening to.”  Mostly what I wanted it to say was that I was more than just a mommyblogger. The switch from pastels to red and black was dramatic, but I loved it. It was who I am at this stage of my life. Out with the PTA mom, in with the woman who was finally ready to start finding herself. It was a whole new image.

Then Paul told me the image sucked.

Ok, not really

Actually what he told me was the theme was not working. It was too heavy, too square, too SEO-hostile and just didn’t reflect me the way it should. He then told me he wanted to redesign my blog and make it what I’d envisioned it. Needless to say he didn’t have to ask me twice. He worked ridiculously long days over the weekend to make my custom theme, and I can’t tell you how thrilled I am with the results. He took my vision and made it reality, and I can’t thank him enough for it.

This is what Suburban Oblivion was meant to be.

———————————————————

Over the weekend as we were working on the site, I had to re-do my categories, and that meant re-categorizing all my old posts. There is a lot to be said for going through your own archives once in awhile.

I have written this blog for nearly three solid years now. In re-reading 400+ posts, I saw myself in a way that I normally couldn’t. It was like having an outsider’s view into my life. I could very clearly see the decline of my marriage. I could see my depression and my ways of coping with it. I could see my struggles with trying to fit into a mold I clearly wasn’t made for. I could see my children growing up.

Oddly enough, I could also see myself growing up. I am not the person I was when I started this site.

In the last year, I’ve seen the worst, both in myself and those around me. I nearly let the events of my life destroy me, and in that consummation, I attempted to take my own life. It was a moment of weakness, not to be repeated.

Since then, I have begun the process of truly figuring out who I am. I am learning to put myself first, and to not apologize for that. I spent years trying to make everyone else happy, and in the course of things, I ended up miserable because I wasn’t allowing myself the freedom to figure out what made me happy.

The past few months have found me going in a different direction with my interests. In mid-May I co-organized the first Barcamp to be held here in Mobile.  This was a huge step outside my experience and comfort zone, but one I found I excelled at, and as a result I will be organizing another Barcamp next year.

From Barcamp came the idea of forming a group to unite the tech community here locally. Still in the very early planning stages, this is a really exciting project, and one I expect you’ll be hearing more about as we get that organized and the website up and running.

Finally, Paul and I have been working on a joint project, a new viral video and humor site we call the Daily Shite. Suburban Oblivion may be my baby online, but Daily Shite has been so much fun to work on, and we are seeing a steady rise in traffic and subscribers.

All this on top of trying to find a job (and dealing with my ex) has kept me pretty busy. I am still seeing my therapist regularly, and she was thrilled to hear I am getting involved and not just becoming a hermit while I wait for the mess that is my divorce to be sorted out.

Two years ago I never could have managed this. I would have been too worried about what everyone else wanted, and what everyone else thought, and would have given myself 100 reasons why I shouldn’t do any of the things I am doing now. I would never have been able to give myself permission to even start down this road.

Right after I filed for divorce last year, I got a nasty troll comment from someone who could have only been (related to?) my ex, as they knew details of the situation that I had not talked about anywhere online. In that message they stated that I “would never grow” if I didn’t reconcile my marriage.

A year later, I am proving him wrong. I may not be growing in the direction he would prefer, but in terms of my personal development, I am growing by leaps and bounds.

I’ve made my mistakes and have paid for them dearly, but now I am finally heading in the right direction. For the first time in my life, I am confident enough not to feel the need to apologize for doing what I feel is right for me.

I only wish the girl who started this blog three years ago had believed in herself as much.

Mother’s Day was not a happy one here this year, I spent it without my kids for the first time ever. I should have had visitation that weekend as it was scheduled to be my time, but thanks to an ex who has decided HE dictates when and how I see my children and not the court, I was not allowed to have them that weekend, or the next scheduled weekend either.

We don’t go back to court until July 6th, and it can’t get here fast enough. This shit WILL be dealt with.

I got to spend about 4 hours with them today, and it was great   Snuggled with the boys, and watched Gabrielle build an obstacle course for the hamster. The poor furball is probably hiding in the corner of the cage traumatized, but we all had a great time.

On an interesting note, my ex has been harassing me at every opportunity, emailing and criticizing me at every turn over everything he deems ‘inappropriate’, which is pretty much every breath I take. The latest one involved the gifts the kids brought over for me Monday night, which they’d made at school for Mother’s Day. They didn’t get opened that evening, because it was Gabrielle’s birthday, and ‘out of the goodness of his heart’ he brought the kids over for exactly 60 minutes so I could celebrate her birthday with the kids. I left the things in the bag, planning to open them when the kids came over this weekend. He stopped by 2 days later, and emailed me later basically saying I was a crappy mother for having left the gifts unopened after they left. (Yeah, excuse the fuck out of me for wanting them here when I did right?)

Well, today when the kids were here I opened the gifts, and went through the bag of their end of the year papers, artwork, etc. I assumed that when he dropped off this bag of stuff for me, he had already gone through it, you know..being the caring and concerned father and all. Aside from the unopened 4th quarter CRT scores, and the list of speech exercises for our son which obviously he doesn’t feel is important..I found this.

I’m the shitty mother because I want my kids to see me open and appreciate what they give me, yet he can’t even be bothered to keep what he gets, and heaps it in with all the other school stuff that obviously hasn’t even been looked at.

The irony here is rather delicious.

Like it? Share it!

Where has she been? My guess would be she’s too busy saving the world from gay marriage (/sarcasm) or scrambling to cover her ass after those topless pics of her that she first denied keep surfacing.

Don’t hate her because she’s beautiful…just hate her because she’s a lying bigot.

Hand Sanitizer Found With High Levels of Dangerous Bacteria

My life had a lot of labels- Wife. Mother. Mommyblogger. PTA mom. Soccer mom.

I never felt like they fully fit, but I did my best to adapt and be what I thought I should.

Over the last year, those labels have been stripped away over the course of my affair, my filing for divorce, my suicide attempt and the resulting temporary custody loss afterwards.

I’ve lost all those labels, and with them all sense of my identity.

When I can make myself do it, my blog is still my outlet and a great source of therapy. Yet at the same time, what does a mommyblogger write about when she is no longer the full-time mom?

Funny enough when I did my site re-design a few months back, I’d complained about feeling like I’d pigeon-holed myself into that niche and wasn’t sure how to expand without losing the community I loved so much.

Now due to circumstances in my own life, the label no longer fits and I’m finding myself without direction. Not in my life, nor with my blog.

I feel like I’m starting over in every aspect, and it’s scary.

I used to feel suffocated and confined by defining myself in such narrow terms, but there was a certain sense of safety and identity there that I never thought I’d miss. I don’t miss that crushing conformity, but the freedom of starting over is overwhelming.

Megan at Velveteen Mind once said her label-maker is broken, and mine is now too. I’m not sure how to fix that, or if I even should.

The labels as I once knew them no longer apply.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

Then I recieved my very first cease and desist letter.

Dennis L. Wilson

Keats McFarland & Wilson LLP

9720 Wilshire Blvd., Penthouse Suite

Beverly Hills, CA 90212

Tel: (310) 248-3830

Fax: (310) 860-0363

May 6, 2009

VIA ELECTRONIC MAIL

sara@suburbanoblivion.com

Re: Unauthorized Distribution of Twilight Screenplay

http://www.suburbanoblivion.com

Dear Sir or Madam:

We are writing to you on behalf of our client, Summit Entertainment LLC (“Summit”). Summit is the exclusive owner of all rights in and to the screenplay for the unreleased motion picture currently entitled “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” including but not limited to all related copyrights (hereinafter collectively referred to as the “Twilight Screenplay”). No one is authorized to reproduce, transmit, copy, or otherwise utilize the Twilight Screenplay without the express written permission of Summit.

Notwithstanding this, it has come to our attention that your website located at “http://www.suburbanoblivion.com,” is advertising, utilizing and/or engaging in the distribution of the Twilight Screenplay. More specifically the URL where the Twilight Screenplay is being offered and distributed is:

http://www.suburbanoblivion.com/2009/05/05/new-moon-script-leaked-see-for-yourself/

Summit has the good faith belief that the use of the material in the manner complained of is not authorized by Summit, its agent or the law. Summit diligently enforces its rights in and to the Twilight Screenplay in all forms of media. Our client rightfully takes its responsibility for the protection of the Twilight Screenplay very seriously.

In accordance with DMCA, we request your assistance in the removal of infringements of the Twilight Screenplay from this website. We further declare under penalty of perjury that we are authorized to act on behalf of Summit and that the information in this letter is accurate.

Nothing contained in this letter constitutes an express or implied waiver of any rights, remedies, or defenses of Summit, all of which are expressly reserved.

Very truly yours,

/s/

Dennis L. Wilson

Keats McFarland & Wilson LLP

I actually expected the first notice of this sort would comefrom my ex’s lawyer considering he threatened to sue me over talking about his herpes on my blog.

It does confirm in my mind that the script is indeed real. And yes, it has been removed. (Sorry dear readers!) However if you don’t have it yet, a quick google search will likely turn up other sites still hosting it.

Real or not, it is a good way to pass the time if you are a diehard fan with a bit of time to kill. Either way be warned, may contain spoilers. (Duh!)

*Doc removed, but a google search should turn up other copies if you are still looking for it*

Be sure to tell me what you think..Real? Fan fiction? Or maybe Stephanie Meyer’s idea of a prank to get the internet back for the whole leaked-draft-turned-tantrum over the book she started to write, but apparently doesn’t plan to finish?

I got an email just now that rubbed me the wrong way. PR pitches are always fun, because like the proverbial box of chocolates, you just never know what you’ll get. For once though, it wasn’t the pitch that got my dander up, but the product. Well, a little of both.

Confuzzled? Let me explain.

Six Apart’s publisher development group contacted me for the opportunity to try out a product called the Peek. I’ve seen these in Target, and thought the premise was ok- a little handheld unit that looks similar to a Blackberry, but strictly handles email. My Mogul does this, so it pretty much fell off my radar as one of those cute-but-useless gadgets I’d never buy. Until I got the email, offering me one to test out. Free is free, so I thought it might be worth trying, right? Besides, as the email said, it seems like a perfect match for me! (Famous last words…)

Then I started looking at the device a little more carefully.

The Peek does email and..umm..email. That’s it. No IM, no web surfing, no calendar, no..well.. anything.

5 years ago this might have been exciting. After all, it’s small, and cute, and you can keep it next to the remote and get your email wherever you happen to be. But in the age of iPhones, smartphones and Blackberrys, such lack of functionality isn’t exciting. It isn’t even all that interesting.

But hey, I haven’t even seen the thing, so I’m probably being a bit harsh. After all, unlike the Blackberry, you don’t have to worry about those pesky data plans, right?

This thing does run off of your own wifi connection…right?

*crickets*

It doesn’t take a crystal ball or a deck of tarot cards to see the nail in the coffin for this product, which is what they rather stupidly try to push as a selling point!

Instead of using your own wifi connection or one of the umpteen-billion hotspots in the world, you have to pay $20 a month for the Peek service, which is provided by T-Mobile.

$20 a month for nothing. but. email.

Here’s the real kicker IMO. That email being served up through T-Mobile’s network? A quick glance at the T-Mobile website shows they charge users $24.99 a month for data plans, only with them and on your phone you get that same email, plus unlimited web browsing, unlimited picture messaging, unlimited IM, plus 400 text messages a month.

$24.99 a month for all that data, or $20 a month for..umm..email.

Anyone else starting to see the absurdity in this?

I realize Peek is aiming at a particular market here, namely those not bright enough to realize that you can do way more on the phone you already own (I’d venture to guess 80+% of phones in use right now support email and web usage). And hey, that’s great, everyone needs to make a buck.

Truthfully, I probably wouldn’t have even gotten my dander up over this had I not seen these words on their website-

“Moms love Peek.”

As a mother, let me tell you exactly what moms DO love.

Moms love saving money.

Moms love products that save us time, and simplify our lives.

Moms love trying new things that help us stay organized.

As far as I can see, the Peek offers none of these, and the assumption that moms are so braindead that we would waste our money on something that most of us can get for free or cheap on the phone we already own (instead of carrying two devices!) is quite frankly not something I care to take a ‘Peek’ at.

For the 98% of you that don’t know what’s going on, I suppose it’s time to fill in the gaping void that has been my blog for the last month.

I know I promised I would tell what happened that night, and with a little more patience that will come. I think there’s a part of me that needs to talk about it. Just not yet. Right now there’s a much bigger part of this situation going on, and it has changed everything.

After attempting to overdose myself on the Saturday in March, I was in the hospital for 3 1/2 days. (They actually would have released me after 48 hours, but I was on a medication that had to be taken every 4 hours to prevent damage to my liver from the Tylenol in the Nyquil.)  During that time, I was in ICU for about a day. When they got ready to transfer me upstairs to the psych ward, we realized I didn’t have any clothes there with me. The nurse called Ian to ask him to bring some up. He brought up a bag for me, and while neither of us wanted to talk, I immediately asked him how the kids were. He tells me that they are with his parents right now, and he is taking the day off tomorrow (Monday), but that after that he’d see about other arrangements.

Color me stupid for not seeing this coming, but I honestly had no idea what he meant. The nurses had said I’d likely be home in a day or two. When I asked, his responce struck me dumb- “Sara, you just tried to kill yourself, you are dangerous and you can’t be trusted around our children.” I don’t know if it was the shock of his words, or the disgustingly smug look on his face when he said it, but I looked him right in the eyes and told him get the fuck out of here, NOW. I didn’t want to see him back up there, that he could not be walking in there and threatening me when I hadn’t even left ICU yet.

His responce?

“Fine. Find your own way home, I’m not picking you up.”

I should have known then.

I got home on Tuesday, and being before lunch, the house was empty- kids at school, Ian at work. He’d left a note on the counter telling me if I got home early enough and wanted to pick up the kids, I should call his parents so they’d know not to make the drive over. I took a shower, trying to relax and get re-orientated after the trauma of the weekend and hospital stay.  When I got out, I checked my email, to find several frantic messages from my lawyer.

There was to be a hearing with a judge and the two lawyers the very next morning. While I was in the hospital, Ian had seized the opportunity and filed for an emergency hearing to get custody of the kids.

The next day, the judge granted his request. Ian was given temporary custody of the kids, and I was given supervised visitation every other weekend. 2 days later he took the kids and moved into his parents house.

Let me say at this point, with nothing else to go on, I understand why that happened. The court has to protect the kids above all else, and with nothing else to go on but the fact that I’d tried to commit suicide, they had to look out for the kids best interest. I get that, and I don’t hold that against the court.

From what I understand, the judge said that if we could get a hold of my hospital records and they showed that I was considered stable and not a danger to myself or anyone else, the temporary order would be resolved. I thought no problem, just get the records, right?

Apparently with all the lawsuits and HIPAA and everything else, getting hold of medical records takes nothing short of an act of god these days. First I had to sign a form and have my lawyer sign it. Then we had to wait for the chart to be put together (ER records, psych records, discharge, blah blah blah), then the doctor on the case had to provide his signature allowing the records to be released. I am not exaggerating when I say that I either called or was in the medical records office every. single. day. for over 2 weeks. Finally we get to the point the doctor signs off, but informs them we need the other doctor’s signature as well. I couldn’t wait another 2 weeks, so I called him myself, and explained the urgency of the situation. Bless the man, he had it done the next day, and on that day I picked up my records. My lawyer has been after the judge to get an office conference scheduled for the matter of my records and he expects to hear back about that this week.

While all this was happening, Ian continued trying his best to make my life miserable. Smug does not even describe the what I have had to deal with where he is concerned. I have never seen someone take so much pleasure in someone else’s suffering. Even after moving out, he continued with his constant demands and cruelty. One day when bringing the kids over for a visit, he says that since the kids aren’t here, I should give the house a thorough cleaning. I just smiled, not wanting to get into it with him. He mentions it again, and I don’t really say anything. He then goes on to tell me that the kids are only there out of the kindness of his heart, and since HE is the custodial parent, he doesn’t have to give me any time with the kids outside of what the court order states. He has since made a point of raising hell over the state of the house, namely that after one visit with the kids I’d missed a chip they dropped on the floor, and another time I’d missed some crumbs under the barstools. (I finally got nasty with him today after this sort of email exchange and told him when he comes and vacuums the clumps of dog hair that he left *covering* his bedroom floor, or the pubic hairs he shaved and left all over the bathroom floor, THEN he can bitch about my housekeeping, until then, fuck off and leave me alone.)

In the meantime I’m killing time, waiting on the court stuff to get straightened out. I have a therapist now that I’m seeing, she’s pretty awesome, and has great taste in shoes. I got a couple of hamsters for the kids for Easter, but truthfully they are more to keep me company. One is a sweetheart, the other is a nippy little fucker, but we are working on getting to know each other.  I suspect we’ll come to an understanding in time

And the question everyone seems to be wondering about? Yes, Paul and I are back together.

He and I are working on things, not without a few ups and downs. There are wounds, and there are trust issues, and none of that is going to be ‘fixed’ overnight. We are taking it one day at a time, but we both want to make this work, and are committed to doing what it takes to make that happen. He has been a huge support to me during all this, and has probably taken more shit from me than anyone deserves lately. Ok, sometime’s he’s deserved it, but even when he doesn’t he understands what I’m dealing with and puts up with me anyways. You can’t ask for much more than that.

Special mentions should also go out to my friends Amanda, Christy, and Diane who have listened to me bitch, whine and cry, and somehow still love me anyways.

Finally, it’s worth mentioning something I *totally* did not expect coming out of all this…I’ve actually been spending more time with my family. Not my mother or my crackhead aunt, but the more normal ones.  Without getting too much into it all, there is a LOT of dysfunction on that side of the family tree, and unfortunately to stay away from the bad apples, I’ve had to kind of seperate myself from all of them. I didn’t want to be sucked into the drama, and so it was easier to just stay away.

The fact of it is my grandfather’s health is not what it used to be, he’s had a number of surgeries in the last year, and I’m starting to realize we aren’t going to have all the time in the world, and that’s also led to me wanting to repair things with my dad. I don’t know, it’s weird, but sorta good.

I could probably say a lot more right now, but it’s nearly 3am and the random case of insomnia that’s popped up tonight seems to be leaving. Will try to make the updates more frequent from here on out.

Sara just spotted what appears to be hacking of twitter accounts. Check out these screengrabs of @bobbyzeez and @BabyPatches.

As you can see a twitter search for the term “mikey” is displaying a huge number of accounts being compromised that is increasing very very rapidly.

My advice for now, is to sign out of the web interface, change your password and see what happens.

UPDATE: 17th April 20:49

It appears that this is a resurgence of the Mikeyy worm from last week (albeit with somewhat different output! See this mashable post for details of how to deal with it.

Here is a short video I found on the features of this kick-ass service.

You can sign up here to be notified when the service goes live to the general public.

Then my ex read my blog and started in on me. And kept on me.  To the point I got so stressed that between him and everything else, I snapped. I drove to a hotel, checked in, and attempted to overdose myself on Nyquil. And very nearly succeeded.

I got lucky in that I was found in time. I promise to tell that story soon.

In the meantime I am dealing with the aftermath of making such a huge mistake. Some I expected, some I didn’t.

What I didn’t expect was the series of emails I’ve gotten this afternoon. Apparently not content to sit back and watch my stumble, they tried to post this on my, AND several of my readers’ blogs. I am floored not only at the names I am called, but also by the sheer callousness of the ‘ask her what she did 12 hours later’ remark.

The remark in question is referring to my suicide attempt Saturday night.

Here is the comment in it’s entirety(minus actual email address), as it was sent to Loralee at LoraLee’s Looney Tunes , reposted here with her permission-

from Mark <Email removed> to <Email removed> date Wed, Mar 11, 2009 at 2:44 PM subject Suburban Oblivian – Just so you know — loraleeslooneytunes.com contact form mailed-by serv01.siteground179.com

hide details 2:44 PM (2 hours ago)

Reply

You people are the most pathetic people in the world. Get a life. She
can’t stand lying. That is all this is. Ask this crazy person what she did
Saturday night less than 12 hours of posting this bag of lies.

Ask this evil witch when the last time was that she spent any quality time
with her children instead of the Irish scumbag. She has occupied the same
house with them, the same vehicle as them, but nothing beyond that.

To make it clear, I am Ian’s brother. SO I HAVE PICKED A SIDE IN THIS. My
brother is not perfect, but this is bizarre, and you pathetic people feed
her. She is a SLUT, she IS a LIAR, She is SELFISH, she is GREEDY, she is
HATEFUL, she is LAZY, she is MATERIALISTIC, she is ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET,
she is admittedly an ADULTERER, and most of all SHE IS EVIL. And that is
alright with you pathetic, miserable people. And now we all know that she is
MENTALLY ILL. That’s right, a moment of truth. You have all been taken in
by a crazy person. The irony is remarkable. Though how were you pathetic
people supposed to know. You do not know the people involved here. It is on
the Internet, so DUH, it must be true.

You pathetic people should be praying for this family, for these kids. She
has used this to entertain your pathetic lives and you have bought her bag
of lies and crap, hook, line and sinker. There are THREE YOUNG CHILDREN in
the middle of this mess and all she can talk about is herself. Who the hell
is taking care of these children while she spends hours and hours on the
phone with the IRISH Jackass, and hours and hours online with this and
frickin’ Twitter and anyone else that will buy into her crap while my
brother is working his butt off.

By the by, the Irish Jackass broke it off with her, not the other way
around. He started calling my brother and harassing him. He said it is to
let him know that my brother was right all along. Not to apologize or
anything like that. He too is everything she is. Probably mentally ill too.

I’ll end like I started….you people are the most pathetic people in the
world.

I am speechless.

“Oh, I’m soooo sorry mommy is too busy on the phone to turn a game on for you! Mommy is ALWAYS on the computer and phone, ISN’T SHE?” (Insert pointed look at me along with a smirk and laugh.)

Additionally, he is walking around with a notepad recording everything I do( Think-10am, Sara goes into her room. 10:30am, Sara comes out of her room and supervises the kids.). And some things I haven’t. Apparently truth means little.

Sorta like him walking into the room across from me, pretending to call Paul on the phone and leave a voicemail saying he may have a chance with me, because he saw me on his website.

Paul doesn’t have voicemail.

I had thought today would be spent dealing with the breakup of a year-long relationship, and getting things in order from that.

Instead I apparently get to watch my ex make an ass of himself all day long.

Popcorn anyone?

I hadn’t planned to write this post tonight, much less as this rediculously late/early hour, but circumstances are such that it felt like the right time. I’m once again feeling that sense of what I call literary bulemia- if I don’t write it out, it’s going to suffocate me.

Maybe it’s only fitting that the last post in this series has come full circle to the first- to Paul.

I want to tell you about the joy, and the frustration, and the just-getting-by-ness of the last few months, but right now my head is spinning and I feel quite ill.

This story doesn’t have a happy ending, at least not this story up till now. It is with a heavy heart I tell you that Paul and I are no more.

Maybe honesty is too much to expect when two people are as far apart as we are. We both had things that we weren’t completely open about. But I never expected to find out the things I have tonight. I made my mistake by opening Pandora’s Box when I was warned it should have stayed firmly shut. The past should stay in the past. However when these were questions posed directly, and were firmly rooted in the topics of trust and faithfulness, I felt like I needed to know the answer. We were having so many problems with trust as it was, I needed the whole truth, and that was not forthcoming, so I forced the issue.

There is some irony in that this relationship started with one affair, and ended with another. One in the past, but the lies surrounding it in the present were not something I could deal with. I have no moral high horse to sit on where cheating is concerned, but I do take issue with lying. Strong issue, because when we had over 4000 miles between us, trust was really all we had to go on.

This was despite what I’ve previously been told, not the first rodeo.

The way I found out was less than noble. He gave me the password to one of his accounts for a project we were starting together, and due to some inconsistancies that were nagging at me over and over, I decided to try the password on another account. It worked. I found things, I confronted him about them, I’d thought we worked things out. Then I found other things, and more things. Things that didn’t add up. I emailed someone and flat out asked what had happened. Wrong? Yes. Do I regret it? The answer that came back hurt like hell because of what it verified, but I am far better off knowing than not.

Paul changed my life. It was because of him that I came out of my shell, and started to see my own self-worth. It was because of his love and support that I got through some of the harder times of the past year. He was there for me, and he believed in me. He taught me how to look at life as an adventure and not just something to be endured.

I wish him much happiness in his journey, and I’m sorry we couldn’t do that together.

I was out running errands earlier when I got a call from Ian. He informed me that someone had forwarded him copies of my recent posts, and that he felt he needed to make me aware that posting his personal medical information in a public forum is a federal offense, and that he has already sent the copies straight to his lawyer.

It seems he is planning to take legal action against me for ‘revealing his private medical information’ on my blog.

Did I miss something here?

I don’t claim to be a lawyer, nor do I play one on the internet. I admit to not having the HIPPA laws memorized, and truthfully I don’t know if I even spelled HIPPA right.

HOWEVER…doesn’t common sense dictate that the second HE goes to court and files legal documents claiming that he has herpes and that I gave it to him, that this ceases to become ‘personal medical information’?  I have always been under the impression that once papers are filed with the court, they become public record, and are searchable by anyone.

I do not have copies of his medical records, nor have I seen them. (My lawyer has copies that were obtained when he first made this claim, but I assume due to those privacy laws, they were never shown to me.) All I know and have shared here regurding the herpes case is on public record with the Mobile County Courthouse for anyone who has the time and inclination to go look it up. The fact that he charged me with this, and the fact that the lawsuit has not been dropped are both, as far as I am aware, open and free for anyone to look up.

The only truly personal health information I have shared here that is NOT currently on public records are my own test results, which are mine to do with as I please. If I want to shout to the rooftops and take out a billboard saying that I do not have herpes, I am legally allowed to do so.

In short, I was initially sued for giving him an STD that not one but two blood tests show I don’t have, and now it looks like I may be getting sued for writing about it on my blog.

I’ve always said handcuffs were my idea of a great Friday night.

The first time I found out I had to be tested for herpes, I was scared. The second time I found out, I was incredulous. What the ever-loving fuck?? Seriously? Where’s the hidden camera? Hadn’t I already passed this test with flying colors the first time? My lawyer objected, based on us the fact that I’d already been tested and they already had the results of that test. The two lawyers went before a judge, and from what I got third-hand as I wasn’t there, it was apparently insinuated that I’d somehow scammed the system, and hadn’t actually taken the test. The judge granted their motion that I be re-tested, but I was allowed to do so at my doctor’s office again, and at Ian’s expense. I would arrange to do it after my return from Ireland, and before mediation on December 19th.

On December 6th, I once again boarded a plane to go see Paul, this time on a 17 hour trip overseas. The flight was long, as was my layover in Houston, long enough I was able to read the bulk of the first Twilight book for the first time. I got off the plane in Ireland to frost so heavy I’m still not convinced it wasn’t snow. December in Ireland is much I imagine like December in the States, as long as you are close to the Canadian border. Meaning I thought I was going to freeze to death every time we left the hotel. I loved Ireland, and I can’t wait to go back one day, but this southern girl couldn’t even begin to imagine living there. As for the visit, again, a huge blur. Seeing the town he grew up in…meeting his family…spending time together…It was magical, it was beautiful, it was familiar-foreign, and it was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Once I got home, Ian was angry at me, and made one or two remarks, but surprisingly was able to leave it at that. With mediation coming up, I think we were both focused on getting to the end and getting it done with. I went for my 2nd herpes test, and within a couple of days had my results back.

December 15th, 7 months after possible exposure, and 3 months to the day after my first test, I again tested negative for herpes.

Although this then raised a few questions for me, namely if I didn’t have it, where had my husband picked this up?, I just mostly felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Relief I didn’t have it, relief I couldn’t have given it to anyone, and relief I would no longer be dragged through the mud over this.

I have said ever since the night Ian found out about my affair that I did this, and I was going to take my lumps like a big girl. I haven’t tried to deny any part of it, and I never will. Paint the big scarlet A on my forehead if you like, I made my bed and as such I will lie in it. But…all that said, the herpes thing bothered me for the simple reason that once we knew I was negative, I was still being accused of something I hadn’t done. I had expected for that lawsuit to be dropped after the first test and was shocked that it hadn’t. Being forced to be tested again was a bit insulting, but I was eager to prove, once and for all, that I was innocent of this much at least, and that’s exactly what the test showed.

On December 19th, we went into mediation armed with that info, which Ian and his lawyer did not have yet. We were not in the same room, nor were either of us allowed to be in the room with the other person’s lawyer at any time. This meant that when my second set of test results were presented, I don’t know what was said, save for what very little my lawyer has told me. I *believe* what happened in mediation as far as the offers were considered confidential, so I won’t go into detail here, other than to say we presented an offer, they declined, they presented an offer that we declined, and somewhere in all that the other lawyer allegedly threw a bit of a shitfit when he saw my second negative test results. We walked away from mediation with not even a hint of an agreement. The whole thing from start to finish was less than three hours.

With Christmas around the corner, we stayed in limbo, waiting for word of our next court date. The holidays were uncomfortable for both of us, and the tension between us could have been cut with a knife. Paul called me early Christmas morning, and we unwrapped our gifts to each other and spent time together on video chat before my kids got up. It was hard on both of us not being together, but we tried to make the best of it.

At some point in late January, I got a call from my laywer regarding court. Our date had been set at a mind-boggling 4 months away, and oh yeah, btw, that herpes lawsuit? Still there.

To be continued…