What’s a nice word for stalker? I typed in the search bar.

I guess that’s as good a way to start a post as any.

According to the search results, there really aren’t any nice words for stalker — probably because stalkers aren’t nice. Stalkers are scary… and so appropriately, Merriam-Webster lists the following synonyms: Weasel. Lurker. Sneaker. Spy. Slyboots. (Actually, I kind of like Slyboots. It’s a good band name, if nothing else.) But I have to insist that none of these words really apply to me and my recent actions…  no matter what you might think after reading this tale.

Let me explain.

It all began about ten days ago, when I received a text from a friend we’ll call Joey Coco. His sister was in town from out of state and all the Cocos had all gathered to see her at a popular bar/restaurant on the outskirts of Nashville. I had been invited to come along as well, but already had plans.

Look who showed up here, the text read. It was followed by this photo:

I’ve cropped the photo so that it doesn’t identify the people Joey was taking the picture of — but you probably wouldn’t have been able to identify them, anyway — Almost all of them had their backs to the camera.

Who? I texted back.

Zoom in, he responded.

I zoomed in on the one guy in the photo whose face was actually visible. I was at a loss.

Dave Romberg? I texted. He was another friend of ours who looked vaguely like this guy… but not really.

Sigh… Joey texted back. Then he told me whose back he’d taken a photo of  — It was a musician whose show I attend every year with Joey and his family, most of whom were there at the restaurant that evening. It was a funny coincidence that out of all the ‘names’ who could have walked into a Nashville restaurant that night, it happened to be the one musician we all go see each year.

‘That’s so Nashville,’ I thought to myself, and promptly forgot about the whole thing — until a week later, when I went to see a concert featuring Leslie Jordan. Leslie used to be in a band called All Sons and Daughters, which I loved, and I’ve followed her solo career in Nashville ever since the band broke up. She just released an album and was performing it in an intimate listening room, right down the road from my house.

I showed up to the concert with my friend Sami and we took our seats. A band of musicians came onstage to accompany Leslie, and it struck me that the drummer looked strangely familiar… Between songs, I pulled out my phone and pulled up the zoomed-in photo I still had in my texts of ‘Dave Romberg.’ Then I looked at the drummer again. I took a picture of him and texted Joey.

Isn’t this they guy who was with [the musician] last week? I wrote.

Joey read my text, then looked back at his photos. I think it may be, he texted back. That’s him, right?

I think it’s him! I wrote. This is so weird. 

I mean, what were the chances?

After the show was over, I showed the photo to a group of Sami’s friends we’d run into at the show and told them the story.

“Oh, that’s definitely him,” one of them said. “Yeah,” another chimed in. “Look, he’s wearing the same shirt and everything.”

I looked down at my phone again. And then I looked over at the drummer, who was now standing a few feet away, talking to some women from the audience.

“I’m going to show it to him,” I said resolutely.

“Oh, you are, are you?” my friend Sami laughed.

“Yes I am,” I said, “because if I were a drummer and someone had a random picture of me on their phone from a restaurant I was at a week ago, I WOULD WANT TO KNOW.”

I mean, it makes perfect sense, right?

…Right?

And of course, my friend caught the whole thing on video. I turned it into a GIF so there’s no audio, but what I’m saying to the camera before I walk over there is, “This might be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.” That was sadly not the case, but there’s a good chance it was the most embarrassing thing I did last week. Anyway.

“Excuse me, is this you?” I asked the drummer, before showing him the photo on my phone.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said in a friendly way, as if strangers walked up to him all the time holding random photos of him standing outside a restaurant. But after a moment, I could see some Stages of Realization start to set in.

First, there was Confusion. ‘Why does this woman have a photo of me on her phone?’

This was quickly followed by Dismay. ‘When was this picture taken? And why? And why is this woman showing it to me now?’ 

Before he could get to Panic (‘Security!’), I tried to explain: “So I always go with my friend’s family to see [famous musician] do [famous musician’s annual show] each year, and my friend was at a restaurant over in Goodlettsville last week with his family and you guys walked in and he took a picture of the whole group and said, ‘You’ll never guess who showed up,’ only it was a bunch of people’s backs, so I zoomed in on you and named a guy we know that looks sort of like you and we had a good laugh and then he told me he had actually taken the picture of [famous musician’s] back and I forgot about the whole thing but then I saw you on stage tonight and thought you looked strangely familiar and I looked back through my photos and it was you the Dave Romberg lookalike and I mean what are the chances and then I felt obligated to let you know I have these pictures of you on my phone and this isn’t creepy at all right?”

He laughed a little and was very nice about it and, well, I can only imagine how he tells this story to his friends now. “Fame’s a bitch and fans are weird,” is how I’m guessing it ends. “I might have a stalker,” is how I’m hoping it doesn’t end.

Sadly, there’s no moral here and no tidy ending. I didn’t end up having drinks with the drummer and his lady friends. He didn’t chuckle and call me ‘Slyboots.’ We didn’t exchange Instagram handles. I just thought you’d want to know a little more about what happens to me now that I’m a glamorous divorced lady, mostly because as it turns out, embarrassing moments are still occurring on an almost daily basis, much like they did back when I was married and herding kids around — It’s just that they happen in clubs sometimes now, as opposed to the Kroger.

The post Just Call Me Slyboots first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

I’ve noticed some troubling hair changes now that I’m getting older. There’s the gray hair thing (NOT READY FOR THAT!), the thinning (I don’t think I’m losing hair, necessarily, but I DO think what I shed is taking a lot longer to grow back now), and most recently, I started noticing a change in my hair’s texture. Once sleek and shiny, my hair had become sort of… dry and frizzy. Ugh.

I tried every deep conditioner and hair mask I could find, but nothing really seemed to help.

And then one day, the good Lord sent me a miracle. And lo! The miracle was inexpensive! And I’m not kidding you when I say that my hair has never looked better.

So I made a little video about it! Enjoy!

P.S. I have bought this hair mask here and here, if you’re looking for links!

The post This Hair Mask Has Seriously Changed My Life first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

One of the great things about reaching ‘a certain age’ is that I now have a wardrobe of what my mom would call foundation pieces and closet staples. The foundation pieces include basics like black skirts in every possible length, a range of camisoles and tank tops that work underneath jackets and sheer tops and dresses, jeans in lots of different washes and styles, and other basics that never really go out of style. The closet staples are nicer pieces I’ve scored on sale or inherited from my mom over the years – St. John jackets, timeless Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein dresses from my TV days, cashmere sweaters, and other things I only wear once or twice a season.

Having a closet full of basics means I can look for statement pieces when I’m shopping now, but along with everything else, clothes have gotten soooo expensive. I like buying trendier pieces from Free People and Anthropologie, but most dresses now cost around $200 apiece, and that quickly adds up to an absolute fortune if I want to buy two or three pieces at once.

That’s why I’m SO EXCITED to tell you about my experience with Nuuly — and before we get started, I’ll say up front that I have zero affiliation with the company. I tried it on a whim last month and I’m completely obsessed with it now, so I thought I’d share my findings with you, as well as my referral code, which gives you $30 off your first month (a significant discount) if you join.

What’s Nuuly?

Nuuly is one of those clothing rental services you’ve probably been seeing ads for online, sort of like Rent the Runway. From what I’ve seen, there are about a dozen major clothing rental companies out there right now, and each one seems to have its own vibe and featured designers. Nuuly has lots of options, but most of its inventory comes from labels like Free People, Anthropologie, Farm Rio, Selkie, For Love and Lemons, and trendier brands, as opposed to couture/corporate workplace options. It’s great for those of us who work in more casual environments and like trying out new trends without spending hundreds of dollars on them.

How does Nuuly work?

Getting started was really simple. I created an account, chose six pieces of clothing I loved, and placed my rental order for them. Once I placed my order, I was charged $98. The clothing arrived at my house in a reusable shipping bag two or three days later.

One of the reasons I ordered from Nuuly was its much-used review system, which is very similar to the helpful reviews you can find on sites like Anthropologie and Free People. Nuuly members are mostly young women who love taking pictures of themselves in their outfits, so you’ll often see dozens or even hundreds of reviews on clothing items, and many of the reviews include a photo, the size of the outfit pictured, and the user’s age, weight, bra size, and body type. In other words, it’s really easy to get a good idea of exactly how each piece will look on you. Nuuly users run the gamut in size, from XXS to 3X, so you shouldn’t have a problem finding examples of clothing on someone whose build is similar to yours.

Once your Nuuly shipment arrives, you keep it for a month and wear each piece as much or as little as you like — and this brings me to another reason I placed an order. If you want to turn in your outfits and get more pieces sooner, you can! Simply put them back in the reusable shipper, attach the included shipping label, and take it to any UPS location for free shipment back. Once UPS has your items, Nuuly will unlock your ability to order six more pieces, and charge your card and send them to you as soon as you place the rental order.

Conversely, if life is getting busy and you don’t have time to choose six pieces of clothing every single month, you can pause your membership as opposed to cancelling it (which saves all the pieces you’ve put in your virtual ‘closet’ on the site). This means that if you only want to use Nuuly at certain times of the year, that’s not a problem. My interest in clothing waxes and wanes, so I appreciate the ‘pause’ option and will probably use it when things get busy.

You can also rent up to four additional pieces from Nuuly each month, at a cost of $20 per item.

I decided Nuuly would be a cost effective plan for me because 1. I will have 18 outfits to wear over the next six months, for the same price I would have paid for 3 Free People dresses, many of which I end up wearing only a handful of times, and 2. I can BUY clothing through Nuuly from my favorite brands at a fraction of the cost. More on this in a moment.

A look at my closet.

What else do I need to know about Nuuly?

You can add pieces to your online ‘closet’ at any time, even if you’re not in a position to rent them yet. You can also create multiple closets for different events or times of year. Looking at clothes on Nuuly and saving pieces I like is now one of my favorite things to do (it beats doomscrolling!) and I like the idea of having closets ready to choose pieces from quickly when the day rolls around to order new rentals.

I’ve seen some girls complain on TikTok that their sizes are always out of stock on Nuuly, but I’ve only rarely seen something I like being unavailable, so maybe it’s the sorts of clothes college-age girls are renting that are out of stock and I’m not choosing those. I’ve also heard that if you really want a particular piece and it’s out of stock, you’ll often find it’s available if you simply wait a few hours and check back. I’ve tested that theory and have found it to be the case! But honestly, even if something I want isn’t in stock, it’s not a problem since I have an online closet full of options to choose from.

Nuuly discourages members from cleaning pieces of clothing themselves, since Nuuly has its own special cleaning and sanitization process. That said, you CAN clean something if you think it needs it, you just don’t have to. All the pieces I received had no odor whatsoever, and that was probably my biggest reservation about ordering ‘used’ clothing, so I was very relieved and impressed. The website also states to not worry if you rip or stain a piece of clothing – Just send it back and they’ll handle it.

All the pieces I received in my first shipment looked like they had been worn a few times, but nothing looked particularly worn, faded, or unwearable. I’ll go into the particulars down below.

Anything else you want to tell me?

Oh HECK YES. Here’s one of the things I love most about Nuuly:  Once all your clothing arrives, you’ll see a discounted ‘buy’ price for each piece you’ve rented, in the event that you want to keep it. And in many cases, the prices are pretty spectacular! All the pieces I’ve rented for this month are available for between 48% and 72% off if I decide to buy them. I just have to click on the ‘buy’ button and Nuuly will charge the piece to my card. If you love Free People as much as I do, you know that sales on any of the pieces you would actually want to buy are pretty much unheard of, so being able to buy a slightly used dress I’ve been looking at online for months — at a fraction of the retail price — is exciting. Also, right now, Nuuly is offering an additional $20 any clothing purchase with a code that’s at the top of the website. I don’t know how often they offer discounts, but I like it.

Another cool feature is Nuuly’s online thrift shop, which is available to members. The thrift shop offers Nuuly rentals for sale, the prices are fantastic (like, $30 for a $200 dress, for example), the selection is massive and includes many items I had already saved to my rental closet, and the website promises that the clothing sold in the thrift shop is in the same condition as the clothing sent out as rentals. I ordered a few pieces from the thrift shop and they’ll be shipped out along with my next Nuuly order. I’ll let you know what I think.

Can I see what you got?

OMG yes. I chose pretty well this month, and I’m getting a lot of use out of what I rented. I’ll warn you – It’s all Free People; Nuuly’s Free People selection was initially why I decided to try it out. I’m excited to order some brands that are new to me (like Farm Rio) in my next shipment.

Okay, let me show you my rentals!

I’m wearing this Portland Striped Pullover from Free People today! It’s a perfect example of a look I have been wanting to try but never would have ordered, because I wasn’t sure I could pull it off. The sweater is oversized, so I got it in an extra small and I love all the different ways I can style it.  It also looks great over jeans and with a tank top underneath instead of a buttondown. I’m thinking of buying it — Retail, it was $168; I can keep it for $72.23. It arrived in perfect condition.

I can’t stop wearing this Freya Floral Mini Dresss from Free People! The velvet is super soft and I love the way it looks and feels and fits. It’s short, as you can tell, so I wear a knit mini skirt underneath it so that there are no wardrobe malfunctions! This dress looks like it’s been worn a few times, but it’s in great shape. It retailed at $198; I can keep it for $102.96. I might keep it, but I’m also thinking of renting it again in the fall (since the time to wear it has pretty much ended for this season), possibly getting an extra small, and buying it then — or I might just keep an eye out for it in the thrift shop, where I suspect it’ll be even cheaper.

This picture is cracking me up, because I hadn’t done anything with my hair and the whole thing is giving major Laura Ashley vibes, ca. 1991. This is the Jaymes Midi Dress from Free People in extra small and it fits like it was made for me — I love the neckline, immediately fell in love with the dress, and I’ve worn it a lot. It works for so many different occasions. It retailed for $168 and I can keep it for $87.36, which I was planning on doing UNTIL I found the same dress in green in the thrift shop for… I think it was $40. It might have been $30. I bought that instead and will rent this one again down the road if I just have to wear it in red.

This Jaci Sweater Dress from Free People is another I would never have had the courage to buy — but now I LOVE it! It’s an oversized sweater dress made from the softest, coziest material and I just love it with tights and boots (and again, a skirt underneath because it’s short!) It retailed for $168 and I can keep it for $62.16 — Once again, I think I may rent it again next fall/winter, this time in an XS, and buy it then.

I love this Garden Glory Mini Dress from Free People in XS and have been wearing it often — I get lots of compliments on it, which is nice! It retailed for $248 and I can keep it for $99.20. In this case, the bow on the front is getting a little worn, so $99.20 seems too high. It’s nothing anyone would notice while I’m wearing it, so as a rental, it’s perfect.

This Mont Blanc Sweater Dress was the only rental I didn’t end up loving. It wasn’t bad – It was just very form fitting and the zipper made the collar sit in an awkward position on me. This dress was a medium and retailed for $168. I could have kept it for $47.04

Another thing I’ve loved about renting these clothes is having an opportunity to wear them in real life for a few weeks before I decide whether I want to buy them. I’ve discovered that some items I’ve initially loved have faded in my mind after wearing them a few times (like the Garden Glory dress), and some things I was on the fence about, I’ve decided to buy after wearing them and hearing positive feedback.

If you want to try Nuuly, use my referral code and get $30 off! I get $10 off one billing cycle for every friend who joins, but I can only use one discount each month, so it’s a ‘meh’ deal for me — but a very good one for you!

I’ll keep you posted about my Nuuly rentals each month. I’m thinking that if/when I get tired of Nuuly’s selection, I’ll just switch to another rental service and try out some new designers.

Let me know your thoughts/questions in the comments!

The post Nuuly is My New Clothing Rental Obsession first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

Me, a few minutes ago.

A couple of posts ago, I shared that I’m devoting 2025 to pursuing my creative dreams — and so far, things are going pretty well! I have lots of ideas and I’m plugging away at them and feeling good about the response I’m getting as I put them out in the world. The biggest challenge I’m facing is TIME. I have two freelance jobs that pay my bills and my Substack, Something Totally Divorce-Related, has enough paying subscribers now that I feel a big sense of responsibility to put out a thoughtful, well-researched newsletter every single week. That means this blog, my labor of love, has to come last — but it’s no less important to me and I’m doing my best to make time for the ideas I have for this space, as well. Before I begin posting content here more regularly, though, I want to give you a little background on some of the things I’m going to be doing here, and why.

More than a decade ago, I created a separate style blog called She’s Still Got It. I hoped it would motivate me to figure out how to feel fashionable and pretty again, after several years of parenting small children and completely losing my sense of style in the process.

The blog took off quickly, and less than a year after I started it, I ended up selling it to CafeMom and continuing to write it for their website. I had a blast doing it and loved getting to write for CafeMom’s much larger audience. I never portrayed myself as a fashion expert — I was just learning about trends along with everyone else and laughing a lot in the process. It was lovely to discover so many moms out there just like me, wanting to stay current and reclaim their former selves, even if they didn’t have a whole lot of cash or a size two body.

The CafeMom gig led to other opportunities and I eventually had to give up style blogging. Honestly, I also got a little burned out — I was writing thirteen posts a week and it was… a lot.  I started doing more TV and video work, then travel writing, and staying fit and reasonably fashionable was part of the job.

But then, right around the time I hit my 40s, my world started falling apart.

It began with the death of my grandmother. She was the most important person in my life and losing her absolutely gutted me. Then, a close family member became very ill and I cut back on work and devoted my energy to helping take care of them. For a long time, we weren’t sure what was going to happen with the illness and treatment and that was incredibly stressful — It was, in all honesty, the toughest thing I’ve ever been through and I haven’t been able to write much about it out of respect to my family member’s privacy. As you know now, at the same time that all this was going on, I was in an abusive marriage — and things with my husband were only getting worse. In addition to being abusive, he had also pretty much left me to handle the logistics of our family member’s illness and treatment on my own, and even complained that I talked about it too much, and that felt so overwhelming and scary.

That was the state of things throughout most of my 40s, and I often found myself struggling just to get through each day. I gained weight and hated buying clothes in sizes I had never worn before. My husband began referring to me using terms like ‘big girl’ and ‘middle age city,’ and he frequently assured me that no one but him would ever want to be with someone like me. I had never felt more unattractive or undesirable, and I was certain I would never really feel pretty again.

By the time I left my marriage in 2022 (honestly, ‘fled’ is a better word for it), I was 40 pounds heavier than I had been during my style blogging days, and I was living on next to nothing, so I was very limited in what I could do to physically improve myself. Life felt pretty bleak.

Me in 2022, two days after I left.

But as I began working on healing and creating a new, toxicity-free life, I discovered that my self-esteem started improving almost immediately. Without my husband around to make comments about my age or my weight or criticize the things I did to try and build myself up, I felt a freedom I  hadn’t experienced in decades, a freedom to find my real self again. And even during one of the darkest moments of my life, when I had just left my marriage and had absolutely no idea how I was going to live on my own or pay for anything, that freedom felt glorious.

Very slowly over the last couple of years, I’ve been able to reconfigure my life to fit my terms. I prioritized living in the city instead of the suburbs, in neighborhoods that included miles of safe, sidewalk-lined streets. I started walking two to four miles every single morning, and walking instead of driving to coffee shops and restaurants when I could. I only bought and cooked healthy foods. I surrounded myself with friends who encouraged me and built me up, a welcome counter to the many years of putdowns that had become my norm. I figured out ways to take care of myself on a budget, scouring the shelves at TJ Maxx and Marshalls for effective beauty creams and serums on deep discount, or waiting for big sales at my favorite stores.

The creams (and the nights of peaceful sleep and the healthy foods and the reduction of stress) did their work and the lines that had started appearing around my eyes, shockingly, went away. I started watching hair and makeup videos on TikTok and YouTube and figuring out how to update my look without spending a fortune. The weight I had gained slowly started coming off. By the time I was able to buy a place and finally get my things out of the attic of my former home, all the hanging bags of beautiful, classic dresses I’d bought during my TV days actually fit again. I cried the day I tried them on and zipped up every zipper. I never really thought I’d be able to wear them again, and had always felt a little guilty about keeping them. Who knew that they would end up providing me with a whole new wardrobe ten years after I bought them, at a time when I needed them most?

I’m turning 50 in a few months and I’ll be honest — I’ve never felt better about myself, inside and out. I still have a lot to work on, but I think that’s part of what makes me feel so good now  — I’m learning to be honest with myself about my flaws while still celebrating my strengths and how far I’ve come since leaving my marriage. I’m hopeful that my 50s will be my best and most fulfilling decade yet, and these feelings are a big part of why I decided to rebrand Suburban Turmoil and turn it into, well, Something Totally Different. I want this to be a place of fun and hopefulness and excitement for all of us, at a time in life when we’re too often told by society (and in some cases, by asshole husbands), that our best years are behind us and only gloom and doom and wrinkles lie ahead.

I can’t help but want to share all I’m discovering with you all, whether it’s miracle products or beauty hacks or affordable clothing websites. And I’ve been thinking about how ridiculous it is that I’m not making more videos doing just that, given that it’s so easy to shoot and edit videos now with a phone and a $20 microphone, not to mention the fact that a big part of my career included shooting, editing, and appearing in videos and TV shows. Why am I so afraid now to use the skills I was literally trained in, for years?

I’ll tell you why. That inner critic is sadly still there, claiming I’m not good enough and that people will laugh at me if I make the videos I want to make, or think I’m shallow or conceited or deluded. And it’s ridiculous, because there’s nothing to back up my inner critic’s assertions. I’ve made a few videos for my social media accounts already and I haven’t received any negative feedback. Or lost followers. Or gotten anything except supportive and engaged comments, from people who were interested in what I was talking about. The troll, in this case, is me. And that’s the saddest, most pathetic thing ever. I am holding my own self back and it’s unacceptable.

So I’m going to work really hard to squash that inner voice, and do what I want to do and make the videos I want to make and write what I want to write about. And I’m telling you all this because I’m hoping this resonates with a lot of you reading it. Our 40s and 50s are a time of transition for many of us — Our kids are growing up and moving on, we hopefully have at least a little more time for ourselves, and many of us are assessing what we want to do with the next two or three decades of our lives. I’m hoping that if I’m openly working to dream big and conquer my fears here on this site, it encourages some of you to do the same, whether you want to feel stylish again or try your hand at gardening or start your dream business or leave a dead relationship or write a book or anything, really, that’s been on your heart to achieve. Because now’s the time, right? I do feel a new sense of urgency to do the things I’ve always wanted to do — I don’t get that sense anymore that I’ve got my whole life ahead of me and all the time in the world. It feels more like it’s now or never at this point, and I want to use that as positive inspiration, rather than a reason to give up.

This post is all over the place, and it echoes some of the sentiments I’ve already written about on this blog. But as I start creating more style and beauty posts again, I wanted to share with you a little bit about what’s behind that decision, and why it means so much to me. I’m still not an expert — just a soon-to-be-50-year-old trying very hard to feel good about myself again and not let my age or someone else’s assessment of me hold me back. I hope you feel motivated to do the same thing in your life, however that looks for you. We’re just getting started… and anyone who doesn’t like it can move along.

The post A Little Pep Talk Before We Get Going first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

American Primeval

This new limited series from Netflix is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride through the wild, wild west. It has strong female leads, sooooo many plot twists and surprises, and best of all, Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights. Yes, ladies, he’s back — and better than ever. The plot: “A mother and son fleeing from their past form a found family while confronting a harsh landscape of freedom and cruelty in the American West.” There’s lots of gore and disturbing scenes in this one, so be warned. 

Rome

Let’s start with the TV series that turned me onto the TV series craze way back in the day: Rome. I actually don’t remember that much about the plot anymore because I watched it sooooo long ago, but I do remember being completely enthralled by the show, which seemed to have everything that makes a big-budget series memorable: Crazy sex scenes! Shocking gore! Melodrama! Memorable characters! Richly detailed costumes and sets! And I wasn’t alone in my feelings. “I found the series, which premieres Sunday at 9 p.m., to be an addictive piece of costume soap opera rich in atmospheric realism (thanks to a $100 million budget),” wrote the Boston Globe’s Matthew Gilbert. The show only ran two seasons, I believe because of the massive budget it required, but both seasons were highly watchable and followed characters that included both names you’ll remember from sixth grade social studies and normal, everyday Romans-on-the-street. I loved it.

Broadchurch

Like most of you, I’ve seen a LOT of TV series by now and Broadchurch stands out in my mind as one of the best of all time. Here’s a synopsis: ‘Two detectives – the strong yet compassionate Detective Sergeant, Ellie Miller, and the by-the-book Detective Inspector, Alec Hardy – are brought together to solve the murder of an eleven year-old boy on a picturesque beach in a small coastal town. Under the glare of the media spotlight, the two race to find the killer, while the clock ticks and the mystery deepens.’

I’m not much of a murder mystery/police procedural TV watcher, so the fact that I was obsessed by this series says a lot. I was drawn in by the superb acting and the show’s many twists and turns, and it was an excellent introduction to the incredibly talented Olivia Colman. 

Derek

Ricky Gervais created and starred in this hilarious and poignant comedy-drama series about a slow-witted nursing home attendant who sees only the good in everyone. Despite its unlikely premise, Derek is absolutely one of the best TV series I’ve ever watched. It takes one or two episodes to really get into it (and I’d recommend turning on subtitles, because the writing is fantastic and it’s easy to miss out on some of the jokes since everyone speaks in regional British dialect), but if you loved season one of Ted Lasso, I honestly think you’ll love Derek even more. I’ve never laughed so hard — and then cried so hard — while watching a TV show.  

The Queen’s Gambit

Pitch-perfect from start to finish, this limited series is riveting and totally bingeworthy. Plot summary: “The Queen’s Gambit centers on the life of young orphan Beth Harmon, who possesses a remarkable talent for chess. The show, which is set in the 1950s and 1960s, follows Beth’s journey from an orphanage where she had a difficult upbringing to becoming a world-class chess prodigy.”

The time period makes this one a fun watch, but you’ll find yourself on the edge of your seat during Beth’s chess matches. This series is so well-done in every aspect, and never gets dull for a moment. I’ve seen it twice, and I almost never watch a series more than once!

Catastrophe

There are very few comedy series that I find funny — this one is a notable exception. The premise: American man Rob gets Irish woman Sharon pregnant when they hook up for a week while he is on a business trip in London. That’s really all you need to know. It is smartly written, expertly cast (added bonus: Carrie Fisher has a role!), and manages to be howlingly funny without getting to broad or over-the-top. This is another one I’d definitely recommend turning on subtitles for, because you won’t want to miss a single line of dialogue.

Succession

Get ready for plenty of intrigue, plot twists, and dark humor. Succession is clever, it’s funny, it’s painful, it’s salacious, and it’s based on a true story. Here’s a very brief synopsis: ‘The Roy family is known for controlling the biggest media and entertainment company in the world. However, their world changes when their father steps down from the company and each of his children vies for the top spot.’ This series is so well-written and acted that you will feel like you know the characters in real life and find yourself thinking throughout the day about what they’ll do next. It slips a little in the final season but overall, it’s a masterpiece — and the theme song is the ringtone on my phone, if that tells you anything. 

Friday Night Lights

All you have to say is “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” and if the person you’re talking to, male or female, has seen Friday Night Lights, you can pretty much guarantee they’ll get a bit misty eyed and say quietly, “I loved that show.” A quick recap: “This drama follows the lives of the Dillon Panthers, one of the nation’s best high school football teams, and their head coach Eric Taylor.” But it’s about so much more than football, so don’t worry if you’re not a sports fan, like *small voice* me.

Friday Night Lights is strong throughout its entire five-season run, and every episode will give you so much to think about. It is brilliantly written and shot, and really was a pioneer of more realistic, innovative, ‘everyday life’ dramas on network television. Watching it, you’ll see so many aspects of the series that were (and still are) imitated by other shows after it became a hit. Fun fact: I know more than one person who watches this entire series every. Single. Year. That’s how good it is.

Game of Thrones

This series is another one of my all-time favorites. I got completely immersed in Game of Thrones‘ fantasy world. A recap: Nine noble families fight for control over the lands of Westeros, while an ancient enemy returns after being dormant for millennia. This series is shocking and over-the-top, with so many twists and turns. There are some craaaazy sex scenes and lots of gore, so be prepared.

The Empress

This is for all my historical fiction, Downton Abbey-loving fans. I happened across The Empress when season one came out a few years ago and was immediately hooked. It’s dubbed on Netflix, and it was so good, I didn’t even mind that their mouths didn’t match up with the words! Here’s the summary: The Empress is a Netflix series about the life of Elisabeth “Sisi” von Wittelsbach, Empress of Austria, and her marriage to Emperor Franz Joseph. The series follows Sisi as she navigates the complex politics of the Viennese court, while also dealing with her husband’s family and the challenges of being an Empress. What makes the series fantastic is that Sisi is very much her own person, and probably not meant to be an Empress. I loved watching her try to follow the rules of royalty while holding on to her stubbornness and independence. Season 2 just came out and I can’t wait to watch it.

The White Lotus

Each season of The White Lotus is standalone —  I highly recommend season two, of this satirical comedy-drama, which follows the guests at a luxury resort in Sicily. It’s pitch perfect and you won’t want to stop watching it. I thought the writing, acting, and story arc were phenomenal.  Season one is just not as good, but I totally watched it after watching season two, just to be back in that White Lotus world! I am looking forward to season three, which just came out! Yay!

Your turn! What are some of your all-time faves? I don’t care how old they are — Share them in the comments!

Thanks for stopping by! You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, and be sure and subscribe to my Substack newsletter for divorce and abuse-related posts.

The post Here are 11 of my All-Time Favorite Bingeworthy TV Series first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

Yes, I know it’s been a while, but I can explain, I promise!

My plan was to make this post (the one when I revealed the truth about my marriage) the last one on Suburban Turmoil, and then debut Something Totally Different a couple of weeks later. Although I wanted to continue writing about my divorce and the abuse that preceded it, I didn’t want to do it here, because this website is about celebrating our next chapter and creating a space where we can all be excited about midlife and having more time to evolve and pursue our dreams. With this in mind, I created a separate Substack newsletter called Something Totally Divorce-Related, which I could devote exclusively to my posts about abuse and divorce and healing from trauma.

Within a few weeks, the newsletter jumped to more than 1,000 subscribers and I started receiving dozens of messages from women who were experiencing the same things I had. And suddenly, this blog had to go on the backburner for a bit, as I devoted all my writing time to getting the newsletter up and running, so that all these unexpected subscribers would have access to a range of posts both on the various types of abuse I experienced and resources they could access for more information or help.

This turned the last few months into an odyssey I hadn’t planned or prepared for. In the interest of accuracy, I read through all my journals and texts and emails from my marriage and listened to many, many audio recordings I made over the years to reassure myself that I wasn’t crazy and that what I thought had happened had actually happened. I’d never really let myself look at or listen to any of these things before, but as I wrote the posts, they were so helpful in allowing me to piece together what had really and truly occurred, from the actual moments in which they had taken place. And to my surprise and great sorrow, I discovered that things were actually far worse than I had even allowed myself to remember or believe. I’ve cried many tears over the last few months as I finally confronted this mountain in my life, and I’ve experienced an incredible amount of healing. And being able to take so many people on that journey with me in real time, while scary, was also deeply liberating. It truly felt like I finally was able to take the shame and secrecy that had been a central part of my life for so many years and bundle it up and banish it forever, and I love that you were able to be witnesses to that.

The result was that by the end of 2024, I felt more empowered than I ever have before, because I did this big, scary thing and it didn’t kill me! I wasn’t cast out of society! I didn’t lose all my friends! All of the fears that had been placed on me by someone else turned out to be lies. And I’m sharing this with you now because I suspect many of you have also allowed your lives to be defined by certain irrational fears, and I hope my experience encourages you to think about them, name them, confront them, and do what it takes to eliminate them. I found that when I shared the secrets fear had made me keep, I was met with so much compassion and understanding and support, both from friends and from total strangers — and now that I’ve conquered that fear, I’m stronger, I’m more self-aware, and I’m ready to confront even more of the things that are holding me back.

And that brings me back to this blog. I’ve had so many ideas on how I want to use this space that it’s hard to know how to even begin. For weeks, I’ve been trying to work out exactly what kinds of stories I want to tell here and I was having a lot of trouble narrowing it down. Then one day, I passed the church next door to my house and noticed that its message board said simply, ‘START BY STARTING.’ Eureka.

“I’ve been saying the same thing to you for months,” my um, man friend, said when I excitedly told him about it later.

“I know, but now it’s on a church message board and it feels different,” I replied. Heh.

Anyway, it occurred to me that a big part of why Suburban Turmoil succeeded was because I never limited myself there – I wrote about whatever I was thinking about or excited about or inspired by at the time, and it seemed to work for (almost) everyone involved, probably because I never felt pigeonholed and writing never became a chore. Why shouldn’t I do the same thing here on Something Totally Different? And why not simply start by… starting?

And then I thought of something even more exciting – If I could confront my greatest fear and conquer it in 2024, then perhaps I should spend 2025 confronting another fear that’s been holding me back. I’ve danced around the idea of devoting a more significant amount of time to writing and working on my own creative projects. I’ve always known that the more frequently I publish work I’m excited about online, the more good things happen for me, career-wise — I don’t know how or why this works, I just know that it does. But now that I’m on my own, fear has me in its clutches. Fear tells me I need to spend my time looking for more ‘real’ freelance jobs or a really good full-time one to ensure I can continue to pay my bills. Fear tells me I’m old and washed up now, and my creative ideas will fail and people will laugh at me, or pity me, or ignore me. Fear tells me I need to make the safe choice instead of the brave one.

But if I learned anything in 2024, it’s that fear lies.

Right now, I have both the income and the bandwidth to devote a significant amount of time to pursuing my creative dreams. And so I thought, why not devote 2025 to doing just that? Why not spend a full year really working on my writing and video and book ideas and then see where I am at the end of it? Then, if I get to December and I don’t feel I’m solidly headed in the direction of being able to support myself with my creative projects, I can look for a ‘real’ job for 2026 and at least have the satisfaction of knowing that I gave my longtime career dream my best effort… and I didn’t let fear hold me back.

I’m putting this out there now to hold myself accountable as I launch this plan, plus I want you to know what’s going on if and when you notice me trying new things here and on my social media accounts. I’m fully aware that some of my ideas will work and some won’t, and I don’t want to worry about what people are thinking of me for giving them all a shot. This blog will probably be a bit of a hodgepodge for the next several months, because the first thing I need to do is get back in the habit of writing and posting regularly and not worrying about whether I’m publishing something that fits this blog’s ‘aesthetic.’ So here goes nothing.

I’m trying something totally different in 2025 and I’m so glad you’re here for it. I can’t wait to see what happens next…

The post So Here’s the Deal first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

Am I ready to leap right into a discussion of my dating life in this, the second post ever on my new blog?

Well, that’s actually a story in itself — and it’s one that is playing out much like a quirky chick lit romance novel, now that I think about it.  The kind that gets optioned for Netflix. Hmmm…. Maybe I should wri–

ANYWAY.

I do have things to say about dating after divorce and I will say them eventually, but let’s just ease into that discussion, shall we?  We have time.

I love a good date night, though, and I’m always looking for fun things to do in Nashville that are a little different from the norm. And with that said, I present to you Cheekwood Botanical Garden’s Music Under the Stars series. It checks all my date night boxes.

My, um, manfriend and I went to the most recent Music Under the Stars concert last Friday night and the evening was pretty fantastic — and quite romantic as well. We bought cocktails at the bar, then spread picnic blankets on the lawn and sat down, side-by-side. As you can see from my feet positioning, at first I was very demure, very mindful. I kept a dinner plate’s distance between our bodies.

But as soon as bluegrass legend Sam Bush began strumming his mandolin, all propriety went out the window.

See how I made my move? I wasn’t born yesterday — This is what they call ‘rizz,’ you guys. And it totally worked. The very next day, we watched a documentary together about whether serial killers were crazy or just insane. I’m pretty sure he likes me.

But that’s not what this post is supposed to be about! Why did y’all get me off topic like that? We are talking about Music Under the Stars right now! So here’s what you need to know: Tickets to these concerts range from $55-$65 for members, $65-$75 for non-members. They include admission to the concert and to the gardens, which are worth seeing if you haven’t been to Cheekwood before. Music acts this season have been fantastic, and included The Dirty Dozen Brass Band and a songwriters night featuring several hit songwriters, in addition to the Sam Bush bluegrass evening.

The night is a perfect opportunity for a picnic since there are several food trucks on site, as well as two bars selling wine by the bottle and glass, craft beers, and cocktails. You can bring blankets and/or lawn chairs — If the concert is being held in the ‘music meadow,’ I’d actually recommend just bringing blankets, since the hill is somewhat steep and the grass is thick. I felt like we were more comfortable sitting on the ground than I would have been in a chair on that slope. Also, if you’re sitting on the ground, you have the option of going and sitting right in front of the stage — It’s like having front row seats!

And maybe I’m just getting old, but being able to find decent parking is something that matters to me lately — It’s a safety issue for me as much as anything else. Fortunately, there’s plenty of parking at Cheekwood. Be prepared for a walk, but c’mon, it’s a botanical garden – you should be prepared for a walk, anyway. Once we entered the gardens, check-in was quick and easy and the event, which was sold out, never felt too crowded. Food and drink lines were totally manageable.

And that’s it. Tickets for next season will go on sale in March, so keep an eye out to see who will be playing in 2025.

Oh, and if you want to use my signature picnic blanket moves on your next Cheekwood date night, you have my blessing. Get it, girl.

The post Nashville Date Night: Cheekwood’s Concerts Under the Stars first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

In my pajamas, BECAUSE I CAN BE.

Well! Fancy meeting you here!

If you’ve come from Suburban Turmoil, you’re probably wondering what all this is about. The fact is, a lot has changed since I started that blog back in 2005. For one thing, my kids, known on the blog as Punky and Bruiser, grew up! Punky is now 20 and a college sophomore and Bruiser is a senior in high school. Also? I got divorced! I know, right? Plus? I no longer live in the suburbs! I moved to a lovely historic neighborhood in Nashville, where I can walk to restaurants and bars and parks and greenways and just be in the heart of everything that’s going on – I’ve always dreamed of living in the city and feel really lucky to be here now.

Remember them?

In other words, the suburban turmoil is over. It was definitely time for something totally different. And… Yeah. See what I did there?

I know what you’re thinking. Blogging is dead. You may be right. Regardless, I decided to start blogging again for a number of reasons. When I started writing my blog, I tried to be as honest as I could about my thoughts and experiences as a mom, and it was the most freeing and fulfilling writing experience I’ve ever had. But as the blog took off and my kids started school, I began toning down my writing a bit. It turned out that while being honest appealed to lots of readers across the country, it didn’t go over so well with some of the moms in my town, who took it personally that I was poking fun at my suburban lifestyle (which also happened to be their lifestyle) — and while I really didn’t care what they thought (okay, sometimes I did, but I tried not to!), I didn’t want my actions to affect whether or not my children were invited to birthday parties and sleepovers. Also, I started getting jobs based on the blog’s success – Soon, my family came to rely on that money, and I was afraid of writing anything that might jeopardize that. 

And then there was the biggest secret of all – I was in an abusive marriage. The fact that I couldn’t write about this increasingly problematic part of my life really took a toll on my creativity over the years, and as things got worse, I pretty much stopped blogging entirely. Instead, I focused on preparing to leave my marriage. And then I did leave. And while I knew I’d eventually write again, I wanted to wait until I was certain that what I wrote was coming from a positive, healed (or at least, healing)  perspective. That took time. A lot of time, as it turns out — I left my marriage in August of 2022, the divorce was final in May of 2023, and it’s only now that I finally feel comfortable blogging again. 

But as I prepared to get back into it, I realized I was at a crossroads. I could stay silent about what had led to my divorce, fly under the radar, keep my ex-husband’s secret, and stay small and safe and socially acceptable. Or I could be completely honest about my experience, write with true authenticity for the first time ever, and hopefully help a bunch of other women in the process.

I chose to speak out, and I made it the final post I published on Suburban Turmoil. The decision to go public was, and still is, terrifying. But it was also incredibly freeing. I’ve never felt a bigger weight lift from my shoulders than I did the moment I hit the ‘publish’ button. (Well, I did once, but I’ll get to that in a second.) And as the comments and emails and DMs began pouring in from women who had seen themselves in my story, or a friend, or a loved one, I knew I’d made the right call.

I decided to create a Substack newsletter for all my future posts about abuse and divorce, to create a level of privacy and safety both for myself as I tell my story and for the readers who want to comment on posts and communicate with each other. If you’re interested in that part of my story or feel it might help you, I hope you’ll subscribe. An incredible community is forming there and I’m so excited about the good things that are already happening as a result.

And that also means I can use this website to write about… well… something totally different. In order to explain, I need to take you back to the night I left my marriage, carrying only a duffel bag on my shoulder. As I drove away, I felt shocked. I felt scared. I felt traumatized. But after a few minutes of crying, I stopped suddenly, because I realized that I also felt… free, for the first time in two decades. I knew in that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the worst, for me, was finally over. I had done the impossible. I had made it out of my toxic and dangerous relationship. And I was never, ever going back.

I didn’t quite know what to do with the feelings of hope and even giddiness that began bubbling up as I drove farther and farther away. They felt highly inappropriate. But I decided in that moment to seize hold of them, because I knew the coming months were going to be rough. I gave myself permission that night to take any small glimmer of hope or happiness I could find from that point onward and cling to it for dear life.

And that decision has made all the difference.

Because while the last two years have held plenty of difficulties and trauma and tears and the hard work of healing,  they’ve also held more actual happiness than I’ve experienced in decades. Regaining control of my own life has made me feel like a kid in a candy store. I’ve been absolutely elated over the fact that I can now hang out with whomever I want, whenever I want! I can buy what I want! I can buy my kids what they want! I can have dinner wherever I want!  I can get DoorDash if I want! I can decorate my home how I want! I can watch what I want! I can read what I want! I can go to the beach if I want! I can have my own opinions! No one is criticizing me for all the little choices I make anymore! No one is blaming me for everything that goes wrong! It is the absolute best feeling in the world, and if there’s a silver lining to my experience, it’s that I’m so grateful now to feel such excitement about life and all its prospects and possibilities at a time when popular culture wants me to believe that because of my age, it’s basically all downhill from here. There are plenty of blogs and websites and social media accounts intended for women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond that go on and on about things like menopause and empty nesting and how to look younger, and there’s a huge audience for those topics, clearly. But that’s not what this blog is going to be about.

Instead, this blog will be about joy, adventure, loving life and all that it (still!) has to offer, making new friends, learning new things, embracing the unknown, defying the stereotypes of aging, and laughing as much as possible. My hope for all of us is that we stop worrying about getting older, stop feeling pressure to look younger, and simply do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Period. Instead of talking about what is and isn’t appropriate for women my age, I want us to simply make sure our motivation for whatever it is that we’re doing is on track — and if that’s the case, then everyone else can shut the hell up. In short, I want this website to be something totally different from what you’re used to reading, and I hope that it helps you feel the same excitement about your own life and its possibilities that I feel now about mine.

I’ve started a new chapter, but I’m still the same me — which means you’ll probably see any and everything here, from personal essays to funny stories about my misadventures to book/movie/TV recommendations to travel posts. (I’m looking VERY forward to traveling again!) If I think it’s interesting, I’ll probably write about it.

So with that said, welcome to Something Totally Different. I’m so glad you’re here.

Want to keep up with my posts here? The best way to do that is by following me on Facebook and Instagram. And I’m starting a new TikTok account as well, because I love TikTok and it’s ridiculous that a person who has made videos her entire professional career now has a fear of making TikTok videos. So if you’re a TikTok person, you can follow me there, too.

The post Welcome to Something Totally Different! first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

This is just a reminder that abuse is never okay.

It doesn’t matter if your partner is successful or famous. It doesn’t matter if it only gets physical once or twice a year. It doesn’t matter if he has abuse or trauma in his own past. And it definitely doesn’t matter if he insists he can’t stop the abuse until you fix all that’s wrong with you. That’s some serious bullshit, friend.

These things may seem obvious to anyone who’s never lived with an abusive spouse, but it’s different when you’re in that environment all day, every day. Over time, he’s probably worn you down until a part of you can’t help but believe all the lies he’s told you about yourself — that you’re worthless. Nasty. An asshole. A bitch.

But maybe you stay because you love him. And maybe you love him because when he’s not angry, he’s attentive and charming, and a wonderful father. You’ll actually start to think of him as a real-life Jekyll and Hyde, switching without warning from delightful to monstrous, keeping you constantly off-balance. You may wonder why you seem to be his only target, and spend years trying to be so good and so perfect that Hyde disappears forever — but you’ll eventually realize that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, nothing ever really changes. He simply finds new reasons to be furious with you, reasons that often are beyond your control — like when he locks his keys in the car, or when your hometown team beats his in the World Series. You know in your heart that his behavior is unacceptable, but it won’t be until you see something like this, posted on the back of a church bathroom stall, that you’ll know what to call it:

You’ll begin reading it with idle curiosity and then realize that almost every example describes your experiences. Your life. And suddenly, it will dawn on you that you’re not simply going through a ‘rough patch’ or navigating someone’s ‘anger management problem.’

You’re being abused.

The time you locked yourself in the bathroom during an argument and he beat the door open with such force that he splintered the frame? Abuse.

The e-mail alerts he put on your charge cards and demands to see your grocery receipts so that he could go through your purchases line by line? Abuse.

The times he called you unspeakable names and mocked your deepest insecurities? Abuse.

The times he hit or physically injured you and later minimized it, or pretended it was an accident, or said it didn’t happen? It did happen. It wasn’t ‘nothing.’ And it definitely wasn’t an accident. It was abuse.

You might make an appointment with a therapist when you come to this realization. And when you sit down for the first time and begin telling her what you’ve never told anyone, don’t be surprised if she says within minutes, “You know you have to leave him, right?”

You’ll probably feel overwhelmed and afraid, but she’ll promise to help you prepare for it, physically, mentally, and emotionally. She’ll tell you that you’ll know when it’s time to go. And she’ll help you find the courage and the words to tell your parents and close friends for the first time what you’ve been experiencing for two decades.

You’ll spend the next year working on yourself, reading helpful books (this one could be invaluable), practicing calming techniques like meditation and breathing exercises, and saving every penny you can in a private bank account.  Don’t be surprised if he begins to sense a change in you that only makes him angrier. You’ll feel his rage start to build yet again toward that tipping point that always culminates in violence, and this time you’ll hide a bag away with all your necessities and important documents and find a friend you can trust who’s ready to take you in the moment she gets your phone call. You’ll tell your teens that you might have to leave suddenly and if that happens, you want them to know you have a safe place to go and they’ll be able to reach you at any time on your phone.

And when the time finally comes to leave, you’ll know.

You’ll know because things will be said and done that night that make staying impossible. Unthinkable. I hate to tell you this, but it will probably be the most awful night of your life.

But I have good news for you.

The worst part is over. 

Make no mistake, the months that follow will be hard. Two weeks after you leave, you’ll somehow manage to get your daughter off to college. You’ll rent a tiny studio apartment and pick up your son every day after school and take him out to dinner each week and live on a shoestring budget while you wait for the divorce to be finalized. You’ll cry a lot. You’ll worry that maybe you really are worthless and unloveable. You’ll wonder where you’re going to find the strength and resources to make it on your own. But you’ll also know there’s no going back. Your teenagers needed to see you leave. And now, they need to see you thrive.

And so you’ll do your best to make that happen. You’ll find work you enjoy. You’ll make amazing new friends who add wisdom and perspective and laughter to your life. You’ll give yourself space to heal and permission to feel your feelings. You’ll cry when you need to, but you’ll also discover that it’s okay to feel happiness and even excitement — because the truth is that from the moment you left, things got better. Almost immediately, you were enveloped by a strange sense of peace that grew stronger each day. Later, you’ll realize that feeling was safety. You hadn’t felt safe in so long that you’d forgotten what it was like.

As the months pass, you’ll start seeing glimpses of yourself again — the confident, silly, wildly optimistic woman you were before you married. The inner critic in your head will slowly grow quiet, and you’ll be surprised to realize that its voice was never even yours. It belonged to your husband.

Nine months after you leave, the divorce will be finalized and your life will keep improving. You’ll buy a place with actual bedrooms, so that your kids can spend nights with you again. You’ll start waking up every morning feeling hope  — actual hope! — about the day’s possibilities. You’ll still have a lot to work through, but you’ll embrace the process and be grateful you’ve surrounded yourself with people who believe in you and your capabilities. The fear and insecurity you lived with for so long will slowly fade into the background.

But even then, the abuse may not stop.

Many months after the divorce is final, your ex-husband might continue sending you texts that feel like gut punches, insults and lies that frighten you and take you back to some of the darkest moments of your life. He might also decide that your extended public silence means he can say and write what he wants about you, regardless of the truth. You might not be ready yet to share what happened. You might feel like you’re still recovering and don’t want to talk about it publicly until you’ve healed just a little more. You’ve worked hard to take the high road from the start, and it feels like it’s really paid off.

But your silence is beginning to feel like shame. And you know now that while you’re far, so very far, from perfect and you’ve made plenty of mistakes in this life, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing to hide. Nothing you wouldn’t want your kids to know about you. You’ve worked for more than two decades to build a community and a reputation and make meaningful connections in your city. You’re not willing to let the man who’s already taken so much take these things away, too.  You won’t let him destroy you. Not now. Not ever.

And so you decide that it’s time to be brave and simply tell the truth, because the man you once adored and feared and believed in and were lied to and hurt by and finally left forever, needs to know and understand one thing:

This is where the abuse ends.

If this sounds like your story, I want you to know that you are not worthless. You are not weak. You are not crazy. You deserve a chance to be happy. To be whole. To feel safe.

Do what you have to do to make it happen.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

This is my last post for Suburban Turmoil. Whether you’ve been visiting this site for 9 minutes or 19 years, I want to sincerely thank you for reading this blog. You have all added so much to my life over the years. Please check this space again soon — I’ll still be around, but with so many changes in my life, I think it’s time for something totally different.

Meanwhile, I’ll be writing about divorce, partner abuse, and all that comes afterward in an e-mail newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

The post A Public Service Announcement first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.

Obviously, being lonely had never been part of the plan — After all, I’d spent a lot of time and energy trying to make friends when I moved to the suburbs twenty-odd years ago. I joined moms’ clubs and book clubs and Bible studies, volunteered for Field Days and the PTA, invited neighbors over, and made so many plans with so many women for coffee and dinners and drinks.

But while I didn’t have any trouble making acquaintances, true friendship eluded me. I yearned to find women I could pour out my heart to, laugh and cry with, and build the kinds of relationships that last decades. Instead, I found women who were perfectly nice, but didn’t seem to want the conversation to extend beyond their kids, neighborhood gossip, and the latest binge-worthy series on Netflix.

Of course, I wondered if I was the problem. I tried hard to be a better listener, to check in often on my potential friends and show them I cared with cards and little gifts. Nothing worked. Eventually, it occurred to me that I’d never had trouble making friends in college or at work before I married — It was only in the suburbs that I struggled. I decided that I had simply been looking for friends in the wrong places. After all, I’d never really felt like I really fit into the suburban environment — Perhaps it was unreasonable to expect to fit in with the women who thrived in it. I thought about the true friends of my early years and realized most of them were a little quirkier and more artistic and open minded, and as my kids got older and started needing me less and less, I began actively looking for ways to meet those kinds of people.

That’s what led me to Kara Kemp’s Adult Summer Camp last year. Held in Rugby, Tennessee for three days each summer, it’s a place for people to gather together and eat, drink, and be merry while doing camp activities like yoga, creative dance, hiking, swimming in the village’s swimming hole, origami, theater games, karaoke, and more. After seeing pictures of campers having what looked like the time of their lives on Instagram, I knew I needed to give this camp a try. I went and discovered, pretty much immediately, that I’d found my people. (I wrote all about the experience here .) And today, one year later, the men and women I met at summer camp — and the people I’ve met through them since then — have truly become the friends I’d always longed for. They’re the ones I laugh and cry with and share my deepest secrets with, the ones who fill my text feed every day with gifs and hilarity and support and encouragement. I’m no longer lonely, y’all! And for me, it has made all the difference.

But now, I can’t stop noticing just how many people out there feel exactly like I once did. Online and in person, I continually run across men and women who share what a difficult time they’ve had finding friends, no matter how hard they’ve looked for them. Loneliness has become epidemic in our culture and while it’s fairly easy to find activities that bring us in contact with other people, it’s still really tough to get past the facade of politeness and small talk most of us seem to hide behind when we’re together.

Kara Kemp has done a brilliant job of structuring her summer camp in a way that encourages campers to get beyond that facade quickly — but if the thought of interacting with 80 or so people on a more personal level feels intimidating, I’ve got great news. Kara also holds Wellness Weekends in Rugby, which are a lot like Summer Camp but limited to a maximum of ten people. Each session is customized to the attendees and the season, so they’re all a little different. I attended her summer Wellness Weekend, centered around writing, and it was life changing. Truly. If you’ve been yearning to connect with others in a more authentic way and make meaningful friendships that last — or, if you just want to spend a relaxing weekend taking care of your mental and emotional health in a beautiful historic village surrounded by a small group of caring and supportive people — Wellness Weekends are for you.

On a Thursday night in June, six women and I all checked in at the Newbury House, an 1880s boarding house in the heart of Historic Rugby, where we spent the evening relaxing, hanging out, and getting to know each other. The Newbury House has a big communal kitchen and we’d all brought snacks to share — Eating and drinking together was an excellent way to break the ice. The next day, we walked across the lawn to Adena Cottage, where most of the events of the weekend took place. There, Kara had prepared us an elaborate gourmet lunch, the first of many incredible meals to come.

Kara was joined on this weekend by her friend, Mark Lamb. Mark is a choreographer and MOTH Grand Slam champion storyteller who’d led the creative movement sessions at summer camp the year before, and he was a big part of why I came to this particular Wellness Weekend. Mark has a way of turning dance and movement sessions into deeply personal, emotional, cathartic experiences that are hard to explain or quantify. If you’ve never experienced what I’m talking about, you’re probably very confused right now; if you have, I’m betting you’re nodding your head in agreement. He’s just amazing. Plain and simple.

After lunch, we started with some simple creative writing exercises to help us get in the right headspace for what was to come. Kara led this session and she promptly did her Kara thing, which was to somehow lead us straight into opening up and getting very honest and comfortable with each other without us even realizing what was happening. Kara has a true gift for this and it’s wonderful to experience it. Whether I’ve been in a group of 30 people led by Kara or in a one-on-one long conversation with Kara alone, I don’t think I’ve ever ended it without spilling my guts and crying a little — in a good way! Kara effortlessly brings out the truest, most authentic parts of people, and she does it in a very casual and comfortable way.

The writing session was followed by forest bathing, something I had heard about, but never experienced for myself. It was led by Melissa Jean, a certified Forest Therapy Guide, who’d come from Nashville to lead us on what was described as ‘connecting with nature using all five senses,’ and turned out to be a sort of walking meditation session in the woods — No bathing suits required, fortunately! The session was followed up with a tea ceremony.

Photo: Jamie Stevens

The forest bathing session made me realize that I’ve been ‘forest bathing’ for a few years now without even realizing it. I began hiking alone about five years ago because I was going through some difficult events in my life and walking in the woods by myself was literally the only thing that made me feel better. I hiked almost every day and let my feelings guide me through the process. Sometimes I hiked a three or four-mile trail as quickly as I could, other times I would stop often along the way and listen to the sounds around me, or sit for half an hour, just trying to be present. Occasionally, I journaled. Often, I cried — bawled, even. All this is to say that this meditative form of hiking has ended up being one of the most healing  and cathartic experiences I’ve ever discovered, and if forest bathing is teaching more people the practice, then I’m all for it.

We got to make our own creative tableaus with the provided toppings and then the creamiest, most divine soup was poured over the top!

That night, we had a delicious dinner at Adena Cottage followed by creative sharing, and then we were off to bed.

Saturday began with brunch and was followed by a mindful meditation with Kara, then a creative movement session with Mark Lamb. After following some creative writing prompts, we were encouraged to share our work with each other and looking back, I realized that this made us open up to each other in some deep and really meaningful ways. After all, if you think about it, there’s little that’s more personal and vulnerable than creative writing.

The real surprise, though, was the emotion that came out of Mark Lamb’s movement sessions. Mark has come up with an innovative way to unleash creativity through movement, and the way he makes it work is by getting completely vulnerable himself before gently encouraging the rest of the group to do the same. Consequently, his creative movement sessions quickly became these incredibly raw and yet healing group moments that made us all feel closer and allowed us to support each other, wherever we were in our lives.

If all this sounds overwhelming, don’t worry. The beauty of these sessions is that no one was ever put on the spot. Some chose to share their writing, some simply listened and offered encouragement and feedback. Participation was always optional and I never felt pressured to do or say anything. Like summer camp, Wellness Weekends are very much about making the experience what you want it to be, so nothing is mandatory. But I had wanted to make meaningful connections with others — and that’s exactly what happened.

During afternoon free time, optional sessions with an acupuncturist or massage therapist were offered and I’m pretty sure we all took advantage of one or the other. That night, we had a fabulous dinner of wood-fired pizzas from the outdoor oven and s’mores afterward. It was, quite simply, a perfect day.

On Sunday, we had one last brunch and one last creative writing session. Checkout wasn’t until four, so we had plenty of time to write on our own if we chose before leaving. I said goodbye to my new friends and we all promised to meet up soon and often. I couldn’t believe how close I felt to them in such a short amount of time.

What surprised me most about the weekend was how emotional I felt for several days after it ended. It really opened something in me that I normally keep closed tight, and it took me a few days of introspection to recover. Kara holds three Wellness Weekends a year, and I remember thinking that if I could do this three times a year, my life would be immeasurably better for it. Her next Wellness Weekend is September 22-24, and even thought it’s a crazy month for me, let’s just say I haven’t completely ruled it out!

Nor should you. The September Wellness Weekend is appropriately harvest-themed. Mark Lamb will be back and according to Kara, “the focus will be on creativity & movement, reflecting and celebrating your year and clearing the space for the one ahead. The weekend will be a customized retreat to explore your story, journaling prompts, movement for maintaining balance and life mapping will play an integral part of this workshop along with energy body work.” Plus? Sherri Marshall from The Movement Center in Murfreesboro will be leading a yoga session! Sherri does yoga at summer camp each year and she’s the absolute best.

Expect more fabulous gourmet meals, time to focus on yourself (for a change!), and a chance to make real, true friends — in a beautiful historic village hidden away on the Cumberland Plateau. What more could you ask for? If you’re interested in signing up for the weekend or you just want to know more, check out Kara’s website. 

It just might lead you to the friendships you’ve always longed for.

The post Kara Kemp’s Wellness Weekend changed my life first appeared on Suburban Turmoil.