Sue Carroll - News Opinion - Mirror.co.uk

Failure at the polls could be the best result for Sarah Palin

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Sue Carroll

Isn't there already someone else out there posing as the President of France?
NB: Failure at the polls could be the best thing to happen to Sarah Palin.
Producers and agents are falling over themselves to offer the former Alaskan beauty queen TV work at twice the salary she'd earn as America's Vice President.
Word is she's being lined up to host a morning gab-fest.
On the basis that empty vessels make the most noise, it sounds like an inspired idea.
Listen to the Sarah Palin-Sarkozy con in the video player below.

New range of Marks and Spencer clothes: blatant fashion ageism?

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Marks & Spencer is to launch a range of clothes for women over 45. The new line for the "fashion conscious older woman" is to be called Portfolio.
I can't think why. Hot Flush would have a better ring of condescension.
I doubt Joan Collins, who I spotted rooting through cashmere jumpers the other day in M&S Marble Arch, would approve of this blatant fashion ageism.

Here in America they have a nationwide chain called Forever 21 which is perfectly ambiguous.
Well, I thought it was till someone suggested the 21 referred not to age but the number of cosmetic procedures undergone by the average American lady.
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OAPS fight for the right to be hearty

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Seven pensioners have been told to keep the noise down at daily gatherings outside their sheltered accommodation or face having the benches where they meet for a cuppa removed.
They're accused of antisocial behaviour by other residents at the South London flats though as one of the "gang" Ann Reddy explains: "We don't drink and sit on walls throwing cans of lager round the place."
Perhaps they should. Round my way kids taking crack cocaine in a local park seem to get by without any interference from the authorities.

Though a gang of youths is harder to catch than a 96-year-old barely able to walk. Or a rheumatoid arthritis sufferer.
"As registered social landlord, we are responsible for ensuring that any complaints of noise nuisance or other forms of anti-social behaviour are acted upon," a housing association official says pompously.
"We are talking to residents and considering various solutions to try and resolve the situation."
Well, try harder.
And bear in mind the words of JM Barrie: "Be kinder than necessary."
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Crimebusting octogenerian William Grove would be better off selling his reward to pay his heating bills

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

William Grove, the 84-year-old crimebuster who took on two thugs trying to sledgehammer their way into jewellers Ernest Jones is to be rewarded by the store.
They've offered the warhero a Rolex watch. If he wants to hang on to it, I advise Mr Grove not to go out wearing it on a Friday night.
Best to put the watch on eBay. He might raise enough money to pay his winter heating bills.
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Simon Cowell hasn't kidded around when it comes to children

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Sue Carroll

But when push comes to shove she'd have faced motherhood virtually alone.
Some might argue Simon was wrong to deprive Terri of a longed-for baby, but he grew up in a happy home where he was cherished and loved by two parents who had all the time in the world for their son.
Caring for a child is a full-time commitment. Admitting you can't meet that isn't wrong. It's sensible and fair.
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My dream is Barack Obama will end American nightmare

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Sue Carroll

We may not be into "buddy, can you spare a dime?" territory yet but the division between the haves and have-nots here is wider than the Grand Canyon.
I've been visiting the States for over 20 years, I have friends here, I love this country but the famous American optimism has gone. The can-do spirit has all but evaporated.
Forty per cent of the population can't afford medical care, a war no one wants is costing billions, people are being kicked out of their homes and the economy is down the toilet.
Whatever is happening in Britain is happening here, 10 times over.
Sick kids die in America, not something you hear much about at Disney World. Families go hungry. Last week consumer spending was the lowest for 30 years.
In LA the thriving businesses are vintage clothes shops, packed with designer cast-offs. Even the Hollywood housewives are truly desperate.
To say a nation's hopes are invested in today's presidential election is an understatement.
The excitement is so contagious you're caught between rejoicing at just watching the spectacle and resenting the fact you're merely an observer at one of the most dramatic moments in American history.
Tv debates rage endlessly day and night. Every sporting analogy has been exhausted; candidates have scored their own goals, fumbled the ball and even Sarah Palin has played the occasional blinder.
But now it's the final touchdown.
Bunting hangs over windows. Pyjama parties are being organised in Californian neighbourhoods and regardless of pollsters putting Barack Obama in pole position, almost everyone I've spoken to is convinced the finish will be as nail-biting as the Brazilian Grand Prix.
The choice is stark: black or white. An irascible maverick 72-year-old Republican whose party represents eight years many would rather forget. Or the calm, unflappable Barack Hussein Obama with the promise of medical care for all and tax breaks for the average Joe.
He offers hope. He's a fresh fix. He's youthful. He's African-American. And in a bitter nomination battle he outwitted Hillary Clinton.
As they say here: "What's not to like?"
Along with everyone else, I'll be in my pyjamas watching history unfold coast to coast. I want to respect this country, I want it to remain a beacon of democracy and fairness. I want Obama to kick ass.
And if the good folk of the USA get this one wrong I suggest they stay in their pyjamas, climb back into bed and stay there for a very long time.
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With the pound dropping, it is time to join the club class

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Good news: the best flight deals to America are to be had right now.
With sterling dropping, every airline is offering reduced prices on club class fares - which is how I came to travel to Los Angeles in Virgin's Premier Economy.
(Worth it just for the free champagne and celebrity-spotting in the Clubhouse).

And the bad news? When you get here the pound is now so weak against the dollar you'll have to sleep on a park bench.
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Don't make the Jonathan Ross' Hallowe'en party political

2008-11-04T00:00:00Z

Sue Carroll

Whatever you think of JR's grotesquely inflated salary, the fact remains that it takes two to sign a contract.
Supposedly to keep him out of the clutches of ITV, the BBC connived in stuffing millions of pounds (our money lest we forget) into JR's pockets.
How he chooses to spend it is entirely up to him. Of course it would be a nice gesture if he were to hand over a huge cheque to Children In Need or Comic Relief.
Maybe he has done - quietly as many do.
But if he wants to blow a few thousand on a lavish party for his kids, their friends and his showbiz pals, why on earth shouldn't he?
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Ditty for the downturn.. (recession)

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

Too much talk of a "downturn" (the BBC prefers this to the dreaded r-word "recession") has got me humming that old Petula Clark hit...
"When you need a loan and life is making you moany
You can blame it on: Downturn!

When you just worry, can't pay up for a curry, or the rent you owe: Downturn!
Just listen to the politicians, they're all sitting pretty,
While you can't buy petrol to drive out into the city. How did you lose?
The Lidl's much cheaper there, you'll get a nice lobster if you borrow the fare.
It's a Downturn! Things will get really hard. Downturn!
Can't pay your Barclaycard. Downturn!
Just write a big I.O.U
Don't turn the heat on or let comfort surround you. Even if it snows.
Downturn!
Maybe you know some little doss-house to go to
When the banks foreclose. Downturn!
Just pray you'll win the lottery when there's a big rollover. Meanwhile go to
Oxfam for a second-hand pullover.
Unhappy again.
The blight is now everywhere. You can forget about Christmas, there's nothing to spare.
It's a Downturn! Not going out tonight.
Downturn! Blow out that candlelight.
Downturn! Things will be really tight now."
(With apologies to Tony Hatch)
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Russell Brand's brand new low for the BBC

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

Sue Carroll

What's truly worrying isn't that this annoyingly unfunny, self-serving pair of overpaid prats thought it hilarious to taunt a dignified 78-year-old actor, but that their immediate superior at the BBC sanctioned it.
I wonder, when Ross's daughter is old enough to be seduced by some swivel-hipped chancer with a face like a demented goblin, how much he'll enjoy hearing her sexploits broadcast to the nation.
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Ridiculous cost of immigrant translators

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

Health Trusts are spending more than £50million a year on translators for patients who can't speak English.
I'd have thought anyone with the nous to get over here might just manage to make themselves understood when in need of urgent medical assistance.
If we didn't spend vast sums of money on linguists, translators and interpreters how long, you have to wonder, would it take immigrants to find themselves able to say in perfectly competent English: "Where do I get my free pills?"
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Tough times ahead for inmates?

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

Jack Straw says he's been "driven nuts" by the priorities given to prisoners' rights. Hallelujah. Welcome to the real world, Mr Straw.
Now, it's proposed victims and the law abiding must come first with courts handing out tougher sentences.
Jails will be forced to become less cushy while those serving community service will be made to wear uniforms.

I'm all for this injection of common sense - absent for almost a decade while politically correct prison reformers all but expunged the word punishment.
But will it happen?
We'll only know that when the first con takes his case to the European Court claiming his human rights have been infringed because he can't watch Sky Sports. And someone's nicked his slippers.
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Prince Harry's ambitious chopper plans

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

Prince Harry wants to be an Apache helicopter pilot so he can return to action on the frontline.
It's an admirable ambition, and his heart's in the right place, but flying the most technically advanced machine in the world is a privilege awarded only to two per cent of the Army Air Corps. And they've got brains the size of a small country.
The academically challenged Harry will start his flying training in January 2009. Who knows? By 2019 he may even be ready to land his chopper in his girlfriend's garden.
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ASH denounce Liquid Smoking

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

Because they have little else to do these days, pressure group ASH have been quick to denounce a drink called Liquid Smoking because it's designed like a pack of cigarettes.
Ye gods, it's a fizzy drink. In a can. Do they think we're completely stupid?
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Perhaps French academics should examine their own war conduct

2008-10-28T00:00:00Z

A conference of French academics has decided triumphant English soldiers at the battle of Agincourt were "barbaric" and behaved "like war criminals".
It's quite likely they did - I don't think the Geneva Convention was around in those days.
No doubt we'll soon be accused of cheating at Trafalgar and rigging the result of Waterloo.

Meanwhile, the French might like to examine their own conduct in the numerous battles they've won over the centuries. Well okay... just the one. But does the Eurovision Song Contest really count?
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