Naked & Natural

Read 'Em and Weep

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

I read a total of 38 books last year (a whopping 17 more than 2010), but I can't say I was as satisfied as I have been with my past reading lists. In 2011, I vowed to read a lot of books that I felt I SHOULD read, instead of what I wanted to read. There were old classics from the Harlem Renaissance and acclaimed authors from yesteryear that lingered on my reading list for years, prompting me to read them, hopefully love them, and make space for newer reads on my list.

Welp, I made space on my list, but I can't say I regularly fell in love with many books in 2011. I either read a lot of forgettable books, or very average reads. I don't believe it was a waste, but I'm kind of down about not being as excited about my Top Ten reads like I was in 2010. In fact, I was so underwhelmed that I only decided to share my Top Five Favorite reads.

5. Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin - You know when you’re watching a soap opera and you get so captivated by the characters that you’re clutching your pearls and yelling “No! Dont do it!” at the screen. That’s what this book had me doing from the first chapter. Giffin is a great, heart wrenching, edge of your seat, storyteller, which has guaranteed her success. I’d recommend this for anyone looking for a light, but very juicy read. Those looking for romance and comedy may want to check it out too!

4. The Darkest Child by Delores Philips - I absolutely loved this very disturbing, but extremely riveting novel. Phillips rendered a heartbreaking tale of loyalty, and the horrendous spell that a mother can have over her children, no matter how dangerous. I am looking forward to reading more from this talented author. With this being her first and only book, that seems to be the main complaint coming from those who read this story: we want more! This was also deemed the favorite Literary Selection of 2011 by my book club.

3. Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer - I devoured this collection of short stories in three days. Loved it. As someone who grew up in the church, I was extremely pleased with how many of her stories were rooted there without being preachy or disrespectful. Her stories were funny, realistic, quirky, and touching. My favorites were "Speaking in Tongues" and "Brownies". This has to be one of my favorite collections of short stories, behind Junot Diaz' "Drown"

2. White Teeth by Zadie Smith - Fantastically intense, tremendously expansive…I. LOVED. THIS. NOVEL!! Zadie is a pro at creating a multi-layered, humorous but oft times serious story, full of ordinary, quirky characters of different cultures and backgrounds. How many people can do that? And do it so well, without spewing stereotypes and misconceptions? This book definitely solidified her as one of my favorite authors of all time.

1. Paradise by Toni Morrison - I don't understand how Morrison is able to write a novel with so many stories intertwined, so many themes and issues, so much history, and still remain lyrical and arresting with her words. This book was so beautiful that I have to read Sula again to figure out if I want to put Paradise above it as my favorite. Words can't express how much I enjoyed this book. She is too good at this!

In defense of my 2011 reading list, I tapered off with reading in the spring and summer, so there are 12 more books that I was supposed to read that I may have fallen in love with. Also, reading this many books in a year (and being old now *sad face*) makes it hard to retain much info, so had it not been for tracking my reads and reviews on GoodReads.com and my book blog, I'd probably only have less than the five above.

Also, peep my 2012 reading list below. I am waaaay too excited about it. Booktini's Literary Selections from now until June are sprinkled throughout the montage, as well. I'll be reading more novels that have been published within recent years. Also, I've thrown in a few non-fiction reads, which I'd promised I'd do more of in 2012. I probably will only get a chance to read 30-40 of these throughout the year, but it doesn't hurt to reach for 60+.

2012 Reading List

Nakia Michelle's favorite books »

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I Be At The Gym

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

First day of my intense workout plan (I stumbled upon this on tumblr). Pretty sure this is going to make me cry.

Friday Flashback: Favs from 2011

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

I didn't blog much last year, mainly because my barely year old laptop broke down and I refused to spend money on a new one. There are a few gems throughout the year that I'd like to revisit, though. Below are some my of my Top 10 most popular posts. A few of my favs are also included.

If you're bored over over this 3-day MLK weekend, check them out. :)

I'll be busy with my very first Vision Board Party this evening, a birthday celebration on Saturday (Happy birthday, 'Roux!!), our first BookTini meeting of the year on Sunday, and a trip to the Museum of the African Diaspora in San Francisco to celebrate MLK Day.

Happy Friday!

10. The Book of Light (May 19th)

9. Is She Really Bat Sh* Crazy? (March 3rd)

6. True Story: I Survived Heartbreak (April 6th)

4. It's Our Anniversa...Wait. We Don't Have An Anniversary (May 25th)

1. Black Cinema: I Will Follow (March 17th)

Honorable Mentions

One Day, He Gon' Say, 'You're Crowding My Space' (Jan 26) - Contemplated packing light...oh how I should have listened to my instincts
What Would We Do Without Grace (Feb 13) - Thankful for God's grace
Be A Blessing (Mar 6) - What I Learned From Maya Angelou
Black Narcisus (Apr 2) - My first real jazz concert
30 & Fat (Nov 1) - I need a work out partner
Love Has All The Lasting Permanence of a Rainbow...And I Give Up (Nov 28) - The demise of my relationship

A Change Is Gon' Come

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

I very rarely make resolutions, but I felt like jumping on the bandwagon would be a great way to distract me from my current heartbreak. This year, I decided to dedicate the first five months of the year on *drum roll please*..... ME. Shocking, right?

But seriously, I'll be turning off all outside influences, mainly social networks, tv, and social events, to focus solely on these few improvements

eating healthier
exercising 5x a week
sticking to a budget that focuses primarily on saving and includes absolutely no shopping or miscellaneous expenses (excluding my hair and pedi* once every 6 weeks)
starting an academic program that will most likely lead me out of the black hole that is my job
no alcohol (with the exception of one glass of whatever we're having at my BookTini meeting)

This Five Months of Me plan is set to start on January 16th (so I'm Black and I'm late...what's new?) and end June 16th. Keep me in your prayers! This going to be a hard long road.

There are a few other unconventional changes that I'd like to implement in 2012, as well.

First, I'd like to write more. I'd like to finish the novel that I started back in November for NaNoWriMo*, post a new blog here at least once a week, and attempt to write a least one poem each month. I also wouldn't mind writing for publications outside of this space. I am scared that the program that I start in a few weeks will most likely zap me of all of my creative writing skills, so to prevent that from happening, I plan on writing creatively as much as possible.

I want to wear dresses. I looked in my closet the other day and realized that I could count on one hand the number of dresses that I own. How did this happen? One can be feminine and flirty with a pair of skinny jeans, heels, and a cute top, but nothing beats or is as easy as a cute dress. As soon as my shopping ban is lifted, I'm going on a spree for nothing but dresses. I can't wait.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: my prayer life AIN'T right. Instead of lamenting on how haphazard it is, it's about time that I implement some kind of plan to get in the habit of talking to God. And once again, Ebony Janice comes to the rescue. Earlier this year, she posted a remarkable prayer plan on her tumblr. Her schedule is definitely for the mature and experienced prayer warrior (in other words, way out of my league), but one step of her plan appealed to me:

1. EVERY MORNING THE VERY FIRST THING THAT I WILL DO IS SAY THE LORD’S PRAYER SO THAT I CAN PETITION HIM IN JESUS’ NAME FOR “DAILY BREAD.” AS SOON AS MY FEET HIT THE FLOOR AND I STEP INTO MY NEW MERCIES THAT HE GIVES TO ME DAILY I WILL DO THIS. (LAMENTATIONS 3:22-23) ALSO PRAYING THE POWERFUL PRAYER THAT THE DISCIPLES LEARNED TO PRAY WILL KEEP ME FOCUSED ON THE BASICS OF WHAT JESUS INSTRUCTED THEM TO PRAY.

I will definitely be incorporating that in to my daily life.

Next, I want to work on my stage fright. I hate the fact that I love to write, but I'm deathly scared of performing my poems in front of ANYONE, even my mama. Niles Heron sums up my discomfort perfectly right here on his tumblr. I stepped a little out of my comfort zone a few years ago, but in 2012, I'd like to somersault completely out of the box and have more confidence in front of an audience, and stop worrying about being judged. I have no idea how I am going to go about doing this, but I'm pretty sure just DOING IT should be a good start, right?

Last but not least... men. I have toyed with a few options of how to deal with them once my Five Months of Me comes to an end. Should I be the Date Master again and live a life of dating with no strings attached, or should I ignore all of the men on earth and live my life as a heteromantic asexual?

Then I heard Wale's Lotus Flower Bomb and I was reminded of how boy crazy I am. A light bulb appeared above my head. I had to stop being dramatic and be real with myself. I like to flirt. And men are fun when love isn't involved. Keep me company, entertain me, and...that's about it. If we can leave our hearts on our book shelves and have fun, then count me in. And if I end up being a heart-less man eating harlot in the process......oops *shrug*

So basically, the female version of this song will be my life, minus the humping of course. I do not plan on losing my virginity in 2012.

Any new transitions for you in 2012?

*I'm doing us all a favor by not giving up my hair and pedicure appointments. Trust me!
**National Novel Writing Month is a month long online challenge which encourages writers to complete 50,000 words in 30 days. I got 1/5th of the way there, but I plant to keep writing and hopefully finish sometime in the Fall.

Sunday Praise Report: Five Miles to Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 16:30:00 +0000

A few month's back, I randomly came across EbonyJanice's twitter account through NikkiBlak, an extremely talented poet who also happens to be hilarious. I saw an exchange between the two that led to me laughing out loud, so I added her to my Twitter timeline, not even knowing that she was already following me.

Since I started following @EbonyJanice, I've come across her various blogs and tumblr sites where she shares her steadfast faith, heartbreak, eating healthy, her love of Common, and a myriad of other things that keep me highly entertained. When I ran across her healthy eating blog one day, my jaw dropped. She lost an enormous amount of weight throughout 2011, and since I am consistently struggling with weight loss, I asked her to share her story with me.

A few weeks later, she posted this:

Her story hit me on a number of levels. Yes, I am dealing with a break up, and even though I am not currently experiencing the level of grief that she speaks of in this video, I have gone through the "wanting to die" stage when a previous relationship ended*. It is hard to talk about because I have never really said it out loud, but back in 2004, I was EXACTLY where she said she was in the beginning of her break up. I can attest that the only thing that kept me alive was a combination of knowing that my faith prohibited the alternative, and being my mother's only child.
This video did a number on me. You mean to tell me that someone has felt the same thing that I felt? Someone hurt the same way that I hurt? She relied on prayer and walking to get her through. During my grief back in 2004, I relied on praise and running. I ran 2x a day, sometimes 3x a day. I went to church and threw my self head first into almost any and every ministry that was available for my gifts and talents. I became closer to God and I was the smallest I have ever been in my adult life.
That was nearly eight years ago though. I am not back to where I was before that particular heartbreak, but I am close: struggling with weight, and with a vast black hole smack dab in the middle of my relationship with God. A few weeks ago, I silently promised myself, though, that 2012 would be my year to get back to praise and running. And then this video falls into my lap.
Her words, her story, her truth was the push that I needed to get started.
God definitely works in mysterious ways.

*And this is why I have consistently said that I never want to go through heartbreak. That feeling of wanting to die is something I never want to experience again. It ain't easy for some of us...but that's another story.

Love & Hip Hop: A Ring Don't Mean A Thing

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:32:00 +0000

I watch Love & Hip Hop. I am a faithful viewer. I love it. I'mma be pissed if I miss an episode, especially this season because these people are dramatic and crazy and that's really all I need to be entertained. It is my guilty pleasure, comparable to the soap opera's that used to populate daytime television.

One of my favs on the show is Chrissy Lampkin. Homegirl is bold, unapologetic, and ready to snap the neck of anyone who disrespects her. She is also loyal to her friends and her man, and you see why when you learn that she lost of her parents years ago and has little family support.

Many of you know, whether you watch the show or not, that after seven years and one and a half seasons of Chrissy complaining to her rapper boyfriend, Jim Jones, about marriage, he finally popped the question. Well...not really. She popped the question last season (on national television...YIKES). He accepted her ring. And then they went back to life as usual, until Chrissy blew up on him a few times about disregarding their "engagement", and eventually requested a "break" right before heading off to Miami for a weekend with her girls.

The proposal wasn't really a romantic gesture at all. He surprised her in Miami, pulled her to the side, and while she spewed a near endless "What do you want? Why are you here?!" tirade, he sheepishly presented her with an enormous ring. She was speechless (FINALLY) and crying. And that was that.

I thought it was cute, silly, and funny, mainly because it reeks of the kind of relationship they present on camera: her mouthing off to him, him mouthing off back but eventually giving her what she wants. But the internets were full of people who said the proposal was ridiculous and far from genuine. Others said she was a fool to have waited around for seven years for him to propose. And still others chimed in that it wouldn't last because he only gave her a ring to shut her up after she handed out a half-hearted ultimatum.

But my question is: should she have rolled her eyes at the ring and declined his offer at marriage?

We have to be realistic here folks.

From what I gather, Jim Jones seems to love the hell out of Chrissy. The woman can wreck havoc in his family and in his professional life, and he has yet to stop her. He protects her, he takes care of her, and said himself that everything he has is hers "by default". THE MAN CRIED ON NATIONAL TV TO HIS MAMA BECAUSE SHE WASN'T GETTING ALONG WITH HER. If that ain't dedicated love, I don't know what is.

I actually thought Chrissy would have to be the fool in the relationship if she were to walk away just because he wasn't racing to the altar.

Yes, I am an anomaly. I am a woman who loves romance and believes weddings are great celebrations, but marriage, in my opinion, is not the end all be all or the only sign of a successful relationship. It is obvious beyond a doubt that Chrissy is THE ONE for Jimmy (as she calls him), and their only issue was that he may be afraid or not "in" to marriage, if that makes sense*. I'm not on his side or anything, but it looks like they'd be together forever, with or without a ring. It would have been sad, on both of their parts, if their relationship were to end ONLY because of a ring, because in the big scheme of things, a ring doesn't mean a thing.

Their situation reminded me of a fictional couple in the movie, "He's Just Not In To You". Jennifer Aniston's character left her loyal and loving boyfriend when he wouldn't marry her, even though he gave her everything else she ever wanted in a significant other, and had warned her in the beginning of their relationship that marriage was not on his agenda. In the beginning of the movie, I scoffed at his refusal to commit, mainly because it seemed (as most women would assume) that he was scared of commitment, or just not ready to give up his access to other women.

But in real life, is marriage a deterrent from cheating? Does marriage stop husbands from packing up and leaving when they just don't want to be there anymore? Does marriage really guarantee anything?

I will not deny that for many it does guarantee a lot. There is a certain security that comes with marriage that sends women in to a frenzy when they start to think they wont get the chance to jump the broom, but in my experience, I have met some loyal and successful non-married couples out there who make it work for a lifetime. I have also met some married couples who, on a daily basis, piss on the vows that they made to each other. And, I know plenty of divorced couples. Again, in the big scheme of things, a ring doesn't mean a thing.

I am not against marriage at all. I think it's wonderful when two people can stand before God, pledge their love, and promise to stay together for ever (and mean it and stick to it), and maybe one day I'll do the same. I am also not advocating that women toil along for years in unhappy relationships with no progress. I just think that some people need to be realistic about their own expectations.

Would you really give up the man of your dreams if he preferred to be your honest and faithful BOYFRIEND for the rest of your life?

Would you?

I know I wouldn't.

*Giving a woman EVERYTHING she wants except marriage, doesn't make much sense, but I am never shocked by men who don't make much sense. lol *shrug*

Dear Jill Scott, Please Don't Sing My Life on National TV Ever Again

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 15:45:00 +0000

Do I really want to talk about how Jill murked my soul when she sang this song the other night on Vh1 Divas Celebrate Soul? Why couldnt she sing something else?"So in Love" is soulful. So is "Rolling Hills". "Shame" has a whole lot of soul. And so do all the rest of her songs.

But nooooooooooo. She had to sing the song that makes me want to nose dive into a pile of concrete.

Get More: Jill Scott, Hear My Call, Jill Scott Music Videos, Live Performances

I was calm, cool, and collected until she sang:

I am such a fool
How did I get here
Played by all the rules
Then they changed

Then the flood gates opened up*.

I didn't appreciate that at all, Jill.

This song is already a heart wrencher, so even if you're going about enjoying your life with a smile on your face and love in your heart, it'll make you stop what you're doing and hold on to the nearest wall for dear life, while trying to stifle the cry for mercy in your throat.

Imagine actually going through what she's singing about WHILE listening to this? Might as well feed me to the piranhas.

"Love has burned me raw..." Ma'am exit the stage, please. EXIT THE STAGE. Especially if you're going to sing it like you no longer have the will to live because your heart doesn't know how to beat without the love you're pleading God to heal you from.

When I tell you that I've had this kind of convo with God on so many occasions in the past few months and then told myself to just move the hell on, and right when im OK, here comes Jill, reminding me of all the crap I've pushed to the back of mind.

Not cool, Jill. Not cool at all. I'm not your friend anymore.

*This song, coupled with me unconsciously blaming myself for not protecting my heart, PLUS PMS...not a healthy combo.

Love is Patient

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:50:00 +0000

There was a part of me that wanted to be so mad at Him. At one point during one of our post-break up conversations, I had the adult version of a screaming and kicking temper tantrum. I was confused, hurt, upset, scared. All the things that can make your tongue betray you. The things that can make words you'd never thought you'd say, spill out with a vengeance, cover your arms, slide down to your fists, and drip on to the floor.

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

Unfortunately, I tend to talk, write, and reason my situation in to something that it is not. Sometimes I assume the worst. Sometimes, I believe it only takes time. But "time" to me usually has a limit: a day, sometimes a week. When time is up, and things aren't back to normal, I assume the worst, again. And then I ask questions, hoping to get the answer that I want. When I don't, I turn in to the 3 year old version of myself and ask an endless barrage of Why's. Why did this happen? Why did you do this? Why can't this feeling go away? Why am I here...again?

After my temper tantrum, I spoke to a friend who quelled my anxiety by explaining that the impossible is possible once I make it so. He was honest and explained why he understood both of our plights. The next day I felt better. I smiled. Forgot a little bit of my hurt. My heart returned to a regular beat. I didn't think about us.

Then, one afternoon on Tumblr, someone posted the scriptures found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This verse stopped me in my tracks. Back in the day, my mother was a Sunday School teacher. She taught the preschoolers and kindergartners, which meant that she was constantly creating kiddie songs to help them memorize scriptures in the Bible. Even though I was years ahead of her class at the time, I remember her putting this verse to a melody and teaching the children who would eventually sing it in front of the congregation.

I knew this verse. I've had it memorized since those years long ago when my mother sang it in the house in preparation for her classes. But I've never lived this verse. Never incorporated it into my daily life, never used it as a blue print in my relationships, never turned to it when my heart turned somersaults and beat out of my control.

Love is patient. But lately, everything I have done in relation to my heart has been the opposite of such. I have been impatient with the person I love. As written about in my last praise report, I have been impatient with God. I have been impatient with my entire situation. I have been impatient with LOVE.

I spoke to Him about this epiphany a few days after I got a grasp on it. He has always been sorry for the demise of our relationship, and feels even worse when we have these conversations, but I needed him to know that love is patient. My love SHOULD be patient. It should also trust, protect, and have hope. It should persevere.

Even though I am not all the way there yet, I am working on it. I am working on training myself to not have the urge to hurl myself into oncoming traffic when my heart doesn't get what it wants. I am learning to relax and accept things as they come. I am learning to be open to the possibility that what I want may come back. I am learning to be open to the possibility that it may not. But most of all, I am learning that love is more than getting what you want out of someone: it is patient, kind, trusting and protective.

I'm learning, ya'll. I'm learning.

Sunday Praise Report: Blue God

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 17:01:00 +0000

And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30, NLT)

I am impatient. I don't like lines, which is why I stay away from Black Friday sales and any other kind of event that produces a crowd. I hate being put on hold. Don't tell me to wait on you to do something for me because I'd just as soon do it myself. Instant gratification keeps me calm and my blood pressure low.

Unfortunately, my relationship with God is not exempt from this. I find my prayers filled with pleas to take whatever thing it is away that I need gone..immediately. Bring to me whatever thing I need..now. Make me happy. Help me change my situation. And don't make me wait for it. I can't wait.

And then I heard this song.

Written by Mali Music, but sung by Jessica Reedy, Blue God initially struck me because it was a different kind of bluesy, jazzy, soulful gospel. I liked the cadence of it, so I listened to it mindlessly without absorbing the words only paying attention to the chorus, "If you were a color, you would be a blue God". That kind of tripped me up. What the heck does that mean?

And then one day while driving home, I purposely listened to the words surrounding the chorus, and it hit me: my "satisfy me now" demands, coupled with my "I'll do what you want me to do, God...just later" attitude...is that making Him sad?

I'm happy
Successful
Oh Lord
I'll tell you when I need you
We don't say it
But surely we do it
Oh, its how we live
And its how we treat you

But if you want
I'll let you rule
In my life
If you make me feel good
And if you make it all right
Just take care of me
And give me what I need
After that
Then maybe
We can get to you, God

Hearing those words, and then typing them out for this blog, made them sound harsh. OUCH. Is that how I've been acting? "God help me now first, then MAYBE I'll get to whatever you want me to do later." It reminds me of the Genie in a bottle syndrome: wanting God to grant our wishes only because we ask Him to do so, without considering his wants.

This song definitely has made me reflect on my relationship with Him. Whenever I feel like I need something, I want him to move, or I need him to make things better soon, I turn this song on. I cleave to the message within it, mainly because I hate to be disrespectful to God, but also because I don't want my being impatient to be responsible for Him being disappointed in me.

I know many of us in the church are more familiar with the angry and vengeful depictions of God, but imagining Him being sad or blue, as the song suggests, because of something I've done, is enough for me to sit back, breathe, and wait for his works, while actively trying to live according to his will.

Soul Saturday: It's Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Well, it's not Christmas right now, but the season is upon us and unlike the usual Scroogetta attitude which descends upon me around this time every year after being fed up with the commercialism that erupts during the holidays, I'm actually pretty cheerful.

Being cheerful during the holiday season is all for naught without Christmas music, though. Unfortunately, due to my dislike of the holiday, I don't have many carols on my iPod to choose from. In fact, I have none. So instead of putting together a christmas list full of presents I'd like to receive*, I decided to put together a list of Christmas albums that I plan on downloading to make sure this random Christmas cheer of mine lasts at least until December 24th.

Kirk Franklin & the Family's Christmas

I grew up in the church, and remember being a preteen when Kirk Franklin blew up..blew up meaning every youth choir in every Black church in America latched on to his music and wouldn't let go. He was contemporary, edgy, jazzy, and slightly hip hop compared to other gospel artists. Basically, you could get your groove on while simultaneously praising the Lord.

The same rings true with his one and only Christmas album. His Caribbean tinged version of "Silent Night", jazzy rendition of "O Come All Ye Faithful", and the original, head bobbing offering of "Jesus is The Reason For The Season" should always stay in heavy rotation during this time of year. Also, before Tyler Perry got a hold of her, Tamela Mann lends her voice to a beautiful rendering of "Now Behold The Lamb".

The Best of Motown Christmas - 20th Century Masters

20th Century Masters - Best of Motown, Vol 2

I am my mother's child, which means I'm partial to The Four Tops, The Jackson Five, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, and especially The Temptations. I couldn't choose one Best of Motown Christmas album over the other, so both will have to do.

No holiday season would be complete without the Temptations singing "Silent Night"

The Preacher's Wife soundtrack

If there was such a thing as a stan (stalker-fan hybrid) back in the late 80s to mid 90s, I would have definitely been classified as one for Whitney Houston. So of course I had the Preacher's Wife soundtrack. I can't tell you what happened in that movie, but I can sure tell you that her versions of "Joy" and "Joy to the World" (two different songs), still stick with me. Pop, inspirational, gospel, and r&b songs are scattered throughout this record, making it difficult to label it a Christmas album, but I still don't mind playing her rendition of "I Love The Lord" and "I Go To The Rock" during the holiday season. I mean, it wouldn't be a holiday season without Jesus anyway, right? Plus, "Somebody Bigger Than You And I" with Bobbaaay, Faith, Monica, Johnny Gill and Ralph Tresvant used to be my jam!

Bebe & Cece Winans First Christmas

Either my mother constantly played this album, or she played it a few times and I wouldn't let her stop. Whatever the case, when I was a kid, this cassette tape stayed in the tape deck in my mom's car during the holidays. I loved them both on "Hark! (The Herald Angels Sing)" and "For Unto Us (A Child Is Born)", but Cece singing "Silver Bells" on her own? Let me tell you...SHE GIVES ME LIFE! That is my favorite Christmas song ever.

Sit around the fireplace in your snuggie with a glass of wine and getchu a piece!

Ledisi's It's Christmas

I love me some Ledisi, but I've never heard her Christmas album. This is of course #1 on my list tho, mainly because of her version of "What A Wonderful World". No, it's not specifically a Christmas song, but the cheerful message fits right in. Plus the notes she hit when performing it live (below) will make you scrunch your face up and bug your eyes out. Her voice is ridiculous.

There are plenty of Christmas songs on the album, like the bluesy "Please Come Home For Christmas". I'm pretty sure this is an album for grown folks holiday shenanigans, so I'll keep that bottle of wine out and snuggle up with the imaginary winter boo while Ledisi sangs her butt off.

Honorable mention goes out to

The Clark Sisters' Family Christmas (phenomenal singers!! Why didn't I know they had a Christmas album?),
The WOW Gospel Christmas compilation,
Any album compilation that includes Donny Hathaway's original rendition of "This Christmas", Luther Vandross sangin' "The Christmas Song", and pre-crack Whitney belting out "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

As you can see, I'm pretty partial to gospel and a old school R&B carols. Got anything you think I should add?

*My christmas list is short anyway. It doesn't take much to please me. All I want is a book light. And $50,000. That's it. Nothing fancy. :)

Friday $5 Book Sale

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:00:00 +0000

I either have more than one copy of the books below (this is what happens when you don't track the books you buy) or would prefer to give them a better home. No matter the reason, all of the books presented are $5 or less and in good condition. Shipping costs are included.

Pleasure by Eric Jerome Dickey (paperback)
SOLD
Born in Trinidad and living in Atlanta after a relationship gone bad, Nia Simone Bijou is an ambitious writer who has it all. Except for the one thing that'll give her the control she craves—and the power she deserves: absolute, uninhibited sexual satisfaction. Now, in the sweltering days and nights of summer, the heat is on. Nia's fantasies will become a reality—with man after man after man. She will shatter the limits of erotic love. She will open herself up to experiences she never dared before. And as her fantasies begin to spin out of control, she'll discover the unexpected price of the extreme.

Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez (hardcover)
SOLD

Situated in Ohio, a free territory before the Civil War, Tawawa House is an idyllic retreat for Southern white men who vacation there every summer with their enslaved black mistresses. It’s their open secret. Lizzie, Reenie, and Sweet are regulars at the resort, building strong friendships over the years. But when Mawu, as fearless as she is assured, comes along and starts talking of running away, things change. To run is to leave everything behind, and for some it also means escaping from the emotional and psychological bonds that bind them to their masters. When a fire on the resort sets off a string of tragedies, the women of Tawawa House soon learn that triumph and dehumanization are inseparable and that love exists even in the most inhuman, brutal of circumstances— all while they bear witness to the end of an era. An engaging, page-turning, and wholly original novel,Wench explores, with an unflinching eye, the moral complexities of slavery.

This book sale is sponsored by Zora-Toni-Maya.

Click here for more sale items.

Thursday $5 Book Sale

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:05:00 +0000

I either have more than one copy of the books below (this is what happens when you don't track the books you buy) or would prefer to give them a better home. No matter the reason, all of the books presented are $5 or less and in good condition. Shipping costs are included.

Getting To Happy by Terry McMillan (hardcover)
Sold
McMillan revisits Savannah, Gloria, Bernadine, and Robin fifteen years later. Each is at her own midlife crossroads: Savannah has awakened to the fact that she's made too many concessions in her marriage, and decides to face life single again-at fifty-one. Bernadine has watched her megadivorce settlement dwindle, been swindled by her husband number two, and conned herself into thinking that a few pills will help distract her from her pain. Robin has an all-American case of shopaholism, while the big dream of her life-to wear a wedding dress- has gone unrealized. And for years, Gloria has taken happiness and security for granted. But being at the wrong place at the wrong time can change everything. All four are learning to heal past hurts and to reclaim their joy and their dreams; but they return to us full of spirit, sass, and faith in one another. They've exhaled: now they are learning to breathe.

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy (paperback)
SOLD
The year is 1969. In the state of Kerala, on the southernmost tip of India, fraternal twins Esthappen and Rahel fashion a childhood for themselves in the shade of the wreck that is their family. Their lonely, lovely mother, Ammu, (who loves by night the man her children love by day), fled an abusive marriage to live with their blind grandmother, Mammachi (who plays Handel on her violin), their beloved uncle Chacko (Rhodes scholar, pickle baron, radical Marxist, bottom-pincher), and their enemy, Baby Kochamma (ex-nun and incumbent grandaunt). When Chacko's English ex-wife brings their daughter for a Christmas visit, the twins learn that Things Can Change in a Day. That lives can twist into new, ugly shapes, even cease forever, beside their river...

If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin (paperback)
SOLD
Like the blues--sweet, sad, and full of truth--this masterful work of fiction rocks us with powerful emotions. In it are anger and pain, but above all, love--the affirmative love of a woman for her man, the sustaining love of the black family. Fonny, a talented young artist, finds himself unjustly arrested and locked in New York's infamous Tombs. But his girlfriend, Tish, is determined to free him, and to have his baby, in this starkly realistic tale... a powerful indictment of American concepts of justice and punishment in our time.

This book sale is sponsored by Zora-Toni-Maya.

Click here for more sale items.

Wednesday $5 Book Sale

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:59:00 +0000

Color Me Butterfly by L. Y. Marlow (paperback) - SOLD
The last thing Eloise Bingham wanted was to leave the comforts of her South Carolina home and family. But at the end of World War II, the young wife follows her husband, Isaac, to Philadelphia--only to experience his sinister and violent temper. Eloise's children--and their children and grandchildren--will face their own trials over the next sixty years: Mattie, who has lived in her mother Eloise's shadow, finds it takes a life-changing tragedy to help her break free; Lydia, Mattie's strong-willed daughter, summons the resolve to rise above the cycle of abuse; and finally, Treasure, Lydia's lively daughter, has the chance to be the first to escape her family's destructive legacy. It will take unconditional love, old-fashioned family values, faith, and fearless determination--already embedded in each woman's DNA--to triumph over a life plagued with unspeakable pain.

Dirtier than Ever by Vickie M. Stringer (hardcover)
$4
Following the phenomenal success of Essence bestsellers Dirty Redand Still Dirty, Vickie M. Stringer takes readers on another bumpy ride in Dirtier Than Ever with Red, Bacon, and Qthe crazy love-hate triangle who makes the series a favorite among urban fiction fans.

Dork Whore by Iris Bahr (paperback)
$4
Fresh out of the Israeli Army, twenty-year-old Iris Bahr decides to follow the footsteps of many before her and backpack through Asia. Only unlike the average traveler, she has more in mind than just seeing the sights: she is on a desperate mission to lose her virginity. Dork Whore is a fresh and funny memoir about a young woman whose quirky personality and embarrassing neuroses always seem to get in the way of her getting what she wants. As Iris lands in hotel rooms in Bangkok, rides scooters out of opium-fogged compounds hidden in the jungle, and antagonizes an impromptu tour group in Vietnam, she begins to realize that the greatest obstacle she’ll have to overcome isn’t losing her virginity, but coming to terms with the reasons for her need to be accepted.

Falling Man by Dan DeLillo (hardcover)
$4
There is September 11 and then there are the days after, and finally the years.

Falling Man is a magnificent, essential novel about the event that defines turn-of-the-century America. It begins in the smoke and ash of the burning towers and tracks the aftermath of this global tremor in the intimate lives of a few people. First there is Keith, walking out of the rubble into a life that he'd always imagined belonged to everyone but him. Then Lianne, his es-tranged wife, memory-haunted, trying to reconcile two versions of the same shadowy man. And their small son Justin, standing at the window, scanning the sky for more planes. These are lives choreographed by loss, grief and the enormous force of history.

Feminista by Erica Kennedy (hardcover)
SOLD
Sydney Zamora is fiercely independent, aggressively opinionated and utterly self-made. Armed with feminist ideals and a fashionista's sense of style, this self-proclaimed feminista has reshaped her body, staked out her own little piece of Manhattan as a celebrity journalist and only dated men on her own terms. There's just one problem: Sydney has never really let a man in. And now that she's hitting her mid-thirties, she wants one. Badly. Enter Mitzi Berman, a $40,000 a shot matchmaker forced on Sydney by her well-meaning sister-with-the-perfect-suburban-life (even if she does have a wife instead of a husband). Sydney is Mitzi's most challenging project yet: she's gorgeous but nearly impossible to set up with a man. Mitzi also has her eye on Max Cooper, scion of Harvey's department store, the city's chicest place to shop. But nothing could make either Sydney or Max Cooper run faster than Mitzi, with her inflexible instructions and her Brooklyn accent. And they might just wind up running into each other's arms.

This book sale is sponsored by Zora-Toni-Maya.

Click here for more sale items.

Cyber Monday $5 Book Sale

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:00:00 +0000

I read a LOT. A WHOLE LOT. This means that I own a ton of books. Right about now, I have a million of them with no home, so in order to make room on my current book case, I figured I'd kick off Cyber Monday with a few days of cheap book sales.

There is one copy per book. First come, first served.

I'll be posting more books everyday until Thursday, so make sure you come back for more!

Bitch Is The New Black by Helena Andrews - SOLD

Hardcover

$5 (shipping included)

Bridget Jones Diary by Helen Fielding (synopsis)

Paperback

$3 (including shipping)

Love Has All of the Lasting Permanence of a Rainbow... And I Give Up

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:00:00 +0000

“Take it from me: love has all of the lasting permanence of a rainbow - beautiful while it’s there, and just as likely to have disappeared by the time you blink.”

I saw the above quote while reading My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult last week, and it resonated to the point that I had to write it down.

That quote is my life.

Thanksgiving would have been our one year anniversary. I was planning a night out on the town somtime during the weekend. Maybe to see the Fela production in San Francisco, and possibly going to the Starry Plough in Berkeley to commemorate our first date.

Instead, I broke up with him a month and a half prior.

Our relationship was something straight out of a book. Girl is done with men and is enjoying life with her friends and by herself. Guy and Girl cross paths and an innocent flirtation begins. Guy eventually asks Girl out. Girl is hesitant because she doesn’t want to start anything new, but eventually agrees because he’s a good guy. Guy wins Girl’s heart. Girl falls in love.

This time, Girl not only falls in love, but after numerous conversations initiated by Guy about the future, Girl actually begins to ponder marriage and children, two possibilities she’d previously hurled out the window with the ferocity of Joe Montana circa 1989. Girl believes that they have so much in common, this has to work. Guy is faithful. Honest. Wants her to be happy. Guy has taken on the role of being her knight in shining armor. Girl almost believes this is too good to be true.

To ensure that things work, Girl stops being selfish. Girl learns how to be understanding and empathetic, less argumentative. Girl begins to trust. Girl lets him be a man. Girl even cooks. Girl is actually being a good girlfriend. Say it isn’t so!

It actually is so. Girl is pretty happy about it all and is glad she ignored her initial doubts of opening up to Guy.

But… a series of unfortunate circumstances begin to befall Guy. There is death to deal with. And illness. And sadness. And a plethora of issues that could bring the strongest man to his knees.

Since Girl has embraced the definition of “Good Girlfriend”, she makes sure that she is there for him: a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a warm meal, and whatever else she can do to distract him from his circumstances.

Girl soon learns that is not enough. Girl and Guy talk but it seems as if Guys problems are too big for him to bear…while in a relationship. Guy would rather deal with his issues alone. Girl suggests a break up, but Guy does not want to end their relationship. So they continue on with Guy falling in to a deeper depression, and Girl trying to help. Girl begins to feel useless, unwanted, and ignored. Girl tries to ignore these feelings, but eventually begins to fall into a depression of her own after realizing that her relationship is falling apart. Girl and Guy talk again, and after much thought and an extremely heavy heart, Girl decides to end the relationship. Girl and Guy attempt a friendship, but it becomes too much for Girl to bear.

Girl is now alone.

I have tried to wrap my head around this situation, but my heart tends to get in to the way. I didn’t find a man. A man found me. He wooed me. Was a true gentleman. Became my best friend. And in the blink of an eye, it was all gone.

As I’ve stated numerous times on this blog, I’d rather suffer from a broken neck than endure another broken heart. But here I am again, with my neck intact and my heart crumpled in to itty, bitty pieces all over the place.

This is one of the hardest break ups I have had to deal with. Why? Because I do not hate him. I cannot hate him. Our relationship was not dysfunctional. He did not cheat on or lie to me. We had issues but nothing that we couldn’t work out. We communicated with each other. Arguments were few and far between. We loved the same music, the same events, believed in the same way of life. We could talk for hours. And we had an enormous amount of fun together.

He fell on hard times and did not know how to handle those times while being in a relationship. I hate to say this, but it would be so much easier to deal with my relationship ending had I been wronged or disrespected in some way. I would be able to replace my memories and thoughts of missing him, with anger.

Instead, I’m just left missing him.

I know that everyone deals with their issues in their own way, but I find it ironic that I have grown into the "kind, caring, helpful, sympathetic girlfriend", at a time when it wasn't wanted. I don't understand that at all.

I have always felt that there are lessons to be learned from relationships that come to an end. The only thing that I can come up with concerning this one: I am not meant to be in a lasting relationship. What else can a girl come up with when a relationship that otherwise seems successful, ends because of bad luck?

I am actually ok with this conclusion of "forever alone" status. My only child syndrome has equipped me with what it takes to entertain and make myself happy, so I am quite ok with being alone. I will always be boy crazy. I can’t deny that. The Date Master may rear her pretty head again eventually ~~in summer 2012~~, but I don’t see opening myself up and giving my heart to someone like that ever again. A date, a few drinks, a movie, a few laughs? That’s perfectly fine. Relationships? Commitment? Marriage? I’ll pass.

I seem to have a pattern of attracting men who aren’t available anyway (no matter how available they present themselves to me in the beginning), which leads to nothing but hurt. Self-preservation mode is imminent. I kind of feel like this is the only way to protect my self-worth, my heart, my piece of mind. I’d like to keep my sanity intact. And most of all, I’d like to keep a smile on my face.

Make no mistake, I do not think all men are dogs or there are no good men out there. I’ve always felt there are wonderful men out there who make great significant others. There are plenty of examples of that in my life. I just feel like I wasn’t meant to be in a relationship with one lol And if I am meant for that, I’m way past tired when it comes to trying on that shoe and seeing if it fits.

Someone on Twitter remarked a few weeks ago that many Black women are suffering from PTSD. That was my Aha! Moment (word to Oprah). Men and relationships have traumatized the hell out of me. We can be friends, but we sure as hell can’t be lovers.

My mother’s love, the love of my friends, the love of God…that is the love that was meant for me. And I embrace it wholeheartedly.

Saturday Soul: 4Evermore

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:45:00 +0000

I can't say that I am a huge fan of Anthony David, but that chick Algebra? She is baaad. Bad as in good. I absolutely love her voice, and her writing. Her high notes make me want to wave my hand and thank the Lord. Can't wait for her to drop another album.

I heard the end of the song one night on the radio one evening while driving and nearly hit the curb when I recognized her voice. I don't think I've ever heard her on mainstream radio before. The song is beautiful and the video is too cute. It all makes me happy.

I love love songs

Forever's a mighty long time
But I really wanna spend it with you
I shine and
You shine
And there's really no substitute

India.Arie is getting THICK. And I see you Phonte and Erro. :)

30 & Fat: I Need a Work Out Partner

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:55:00 +0000

I turned 30 a few months ago. I know that previously, I've made a running joke out of my age throughout my blog, but it really was all for sh*ts and giggles. I'm very comfortable in being 30. There is a certain kind of assurance and understanding of myself that has come with growing older. I am not one of those people who claim that I have instantly changed and am this headstrong, confidant, woman warrior now that I have waved goodbye to my 20s. I do however, recognize that maturity comes with age (or at least maturity SHOULD come with age; unfortunately everybody aint able lol), and now that I have lived a little, I am better: a better woman, a better person, a better everything that I could hope to be.

I enjoyed my 20s. Some people are happy to move on from them as if they escaped some invisible torturous prison. I guess, when we look back at our mistakes, it may seem that way, but other than losing a few loved ones, I can say I relatively had a great time getting to 30.

But now what? Well, I am extremely unhappy with my professional life. Words cannot describe how
disheartening it is to go to a job that you intensely hate everyday. Especially in a desolate job market in which anyone employed should be grateful. It is hard. Harder than hard. But I thank God for bills being paid and I keep it moving, looking for a change. It's gonna come ya'll. Soon enough.

In the meantime though, let's talk about this weight that I can't seem to shake. My weight has been a consistent theme throughout my blogging years, mainly because it bothers the hell out of me. After so many weight gains though, I have come to notice a pattern: I love to eat, but who doesn't? What makes my love for eating result in weight gain?

STRESS.

It would only make sense to cut out the stress in my life right? Welp the stress in my life is my job, and I can't cut that out until a plan B enters the scene. Twice, I've successfully lost weight while working at this godforsaken plantation, but each time I began to make serious progress, the job reared it's ugly head, and to McDonalds I'd go. Or Wing Stop. Or Popeyes. And the list goes on.

My job has a busy season, though, which starts in April and ends in early October. My stress level is beyond describable during those months, and I recently realized this is also when I've gained the most weight. My attempts at weight loss were futile: I'd start the day with oatmeal and a banana, have salad for lunch and fruit for snacks, but by the end of the day I was looking for a hamburger to take my pain away, and I was way too exhausted to think about working out. Sad isn't it?

The good thing is, I've recognized that the best time for me to institute a healthy eating plan is NOW through May. That should be enough time to lose a million pounds right?

My only problem is accountability. I know what to eat. I know how to work out. But that surely doesn't mean I'm going to actually do what I need to do. Accountability. Such a scary word, but one that I'm realizing that I need to face head on.

So now my plan is to seek out a work out-healthy eating-accountability-partner or partners. Anyone out there dealing with the same struggle, who knows what to do but seems to consistently get sidetracked? Who knows that it ain't easy but it is worth it, and who isn't looking for short cuts? Who doesn't mind sharing the successes and failures of trying to eat right and work out consistently? Who also lives in the Bay Area, and doesn't mind a work out partner tagging along to run 3 miles or lift a few weights once a week (preferably on a Saturday)?

I am looking for accountability close to home. I know so many people online and offline who would love to do this with me, but don't live here (if only Keshia or Dayna Michelle or Jamilah would move to Oakland lol). I even had an email group dedicated to weight loss in 2009 and lost a good 25 lbs, and that was great and fun, but I'm pretty sure I need more this time around. I am partial to working out by myself because I foster a fierce determination when I am alone and hate being distracted when I'm focused (the only child in me), but a friend of mine on twitter remarked that we no longer have the will power or the metabolism that we had in our early 20s, and when body and mind change, a new plan must come in to play.

So who is up for the challenge?

My motivation comes from a visit to LA that took place a few weeks ago. One of my close girlfriend's showed me a photo album dedicated to a trip we took to Vegas five years ago when we both turned 25. I saw pics of myself and my jaw dropped.

How did I go from this

Fresh off the plane to celebrate my 25th in Vegas in 2006

To this

My 30th birthday party this past July

I guess it doesn't matter HOW, though. What matters is, what am I going to do to get that sexy back?

And to think, I thought I was fat in that Vegas picture. SMH Lord, forgive me. And after you've forgiven me, send me a work out partner (or two, or three) who will unleash the side eye while choking me out if I eat tacos for breakfast.

Amen.

Why Was This Fool In My Dreams?

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:15:00 +0000

Two nights in a row, someone I highly dislike, who never enters my consciousness while I am awake, appeared in my dreams. Two nights in a row. Ya'll know how much I hate Freddy Krueger, but this is worse than Nightmare on Elm Street.

I have an ex who I have had to boot from my life entirely. Some people feel exes should be cut off, while other's feel why not be friends? For me, it depends on how said ex acts. Why be friends with someone who constantly wants to argue, be rude, or cause problems?

So this particular ex is all bad. Don't wave to me if you see me in the streets. In fact, pretend like I died back in 2006. Let me be a distant memory and we'll live happily ever after...apart from each other. At least that's how I thought things would end since the last time we spoke nearly three years ago. Then, a few weeks ago, lo and behold, there sits in my Facebook notifications, a friendship request from this fool. *insert quizzical look here*

I died in 2006, remember? Why are you sending me FB friend requests?! When I get to a computer, I deny him and then block him so no further contact can be made. Our last interaction was one for the record books, so there is no need to even pretend like we can be cool with each other. Plus, I'm sure he just wants to be nosy.

I go about my business for a few weeks, but Monday morning, I wake up dazed and confused, knowing I've had a disturbing dream, but not quite remembering what happened in it. I just remember feeling uncomfortable and irritated. As I'm driving to work, I'm jolted with an image of the dream. We were together, driving around the city, talking and catching up with each other. He took me to see his mom who was so excited to see me, that she hugged me five times and couldn't stop smiling. Ugh. Even though nothing exciting or interesting took place, the entire dream felt troubling and upon remembering it, I immediately wanted to scratch my eyeballs out.

The next night, I'm dreaming about something entirely unrelated to him, but he pops up in the dream as an extra. I'm walking down the street and he walks by and attempts to hug me. I cringe as if I've seen a rat, gasp dramatically, scoot out of his grasp, and scamper away from him. At least this dream stays true to how I really feel about him, but why oh why was he even in it in the first place?

Being the extremely ~~emotional~~ reasonable woman that I am, I may or may not have diagnosed myself with post-traumatic stress disorder concerning our prior relationship. I may need counseling. Somebody call the ambulance.

I know I can't be the only one who has dealt with the momentary lapses of sanity. Has an ex snuck into your dreams out of the blue before?

Saturday Soul: Resentment

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 15:55:00 +0000

Things We Never Told You: Ode To A Bookstore Death

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 14:19:00 +0000

I stumbled upon this picture in an article on NPR about the closing of Borders book stores. A former employee left behind this list of annoyances booksellers deal with on a daily basis.

From reading the list, it is obvious that customers can sometimes be the bane of a booksellers existance. And I have to agree. lol But it's a catch-22 because without the customers, your job as a bookseller will no longer exist...as is the case with Borders. Oh, the irony of this list.

I worked at Barnes & Noble for a few months as a side gig, so I can attest to a few of the annoyances listed above. I was not prepared for them at all. I just wanted extra money and I loved books so I figured...why not?

Customers. That's why not.

Lucky for me, I worked mostly weekday evenings in a store located in a downtown area that would turn in to a ghost town once 5pm hit. This meant that my week day shifts were very light. But on the weekend? Lord, ha' mercy. The line would wrap around the corner.

I generally enjoyed working there though (ESPECIALLY WHEN I MET JUNOT DIAZ), so I can't identify with too many of the complaints above. I'll expound on the few that irked me:

Threatening to shop at another major bookstore because of their better coupons, bargains, variety of books - I heard this a lot when people would try to compare Barnes & Noble membership discounts to Borders' membership. This is something that should be directed to store managers or regional managers or corporate. Complaining to a book seller behind the counter about it does not result in getting your way. It just results in irritating the book seller. And if you're being evil and rude about it, we care even less. Go on to that other store! BYE!
Immediately asking for help in finding a book, when you havent even attempted to look for it yourself - Why do you do this? Booksellers are there to help, not to hold your hand. Especially when there are a million people waiting in line who actually need real help ordering a book, or finding one that has been misplaced.
Letting your children run free like animals in the wild is ridiculous anywhere - but especially in a book store. A few times, we found kids whose parents had disappeared and weren't in the store at all. A book store is NOT a daycare. Get it together, parents.
One that was not mentioned: People who come in to the store one minute before closing to browse - You have to be kidding me? GET OUT! There was a woman who used to come in every two weeks at 9:50p (we closed at 10p) with her five kids and a boatload of questions about books that she had no intention on buying. Then she'd want to talk about the weather, politics, life, my hair...bish, would u get your books and get out?

All of the other complaints in the pictured list about returning read or used books never bothered me. As long as it wasn't coming out of my check, we were good (I can understand managers being PISSED about it, though; returns mess up the stores numbers). And who cares if you worship Oprah's book club list, or think Nicholas Sparks is a literary genius? As long as you're reading, I'm happy.

Case in point, as much as I dislike Zane and other urban street lit and/or erotica, one of my happiest moments was when a group of three guys in their early 20s, long locs and gold teeth, came in excited to get the sequel of some Teri Woods book that I had never heard of. I couldn't believe it. I didnt even mind that they were loud, boisterous and causing a scene about it (AYE! YOU GOT THAT NEW TERI WOODS, DOE? WHATCHU MEAN YOU AINT HEARD OF IT BEFORE? THAT SH*T IS FIYAH. I READ THAT SH*T IN LIKE TWO DAYS AND SH*T!)...they were READING. And ecstatic about it. It doesn't get better than that.

Another great experience was helping a middle aged Black man send books to his son in jail. Barnes & Noble has a service that allows them to send books directly from the store to people who are locked up (jails/prisons prefer them coming directly from the store). This man would come in every single month to send his son 3-4 books. Not magazines, not comic books, or graphic novels...serious books. And even though I didnt know the circumstances surrounding his son's incarceration, or if he'd been this diligent with his son before he was locked up, it still warmed my heart that he chose to send his son books every single month. That made this crazy job a little more worth while.

That and the few and far between cute guys who would come in every now and then.

Anyway, enough of the life and times of my bookseller days. The Barnes & Noble store that I once worked in has since closed, but I left a few months prior, mainly because I'm totally not a sales person, and I started to despise one of my favorite places in the world because I was pushed to meet sales numbers, when all I really wanted to do was enjoy being surrounded by books...and get paid for it.

The library is more my speed. I'd work there in a heart beat. But I still love a nice book store. Too bad they're now becoming extinct. *insert frowny face here*

I know this spot has been a ghost town, but if you're interested in what I have to say about books, check out my tumblr: http://ZoraToniMaya.tumblr.com. It's frequently updated. :)

Sunday Praise Report: Life is HARD

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 20:57:00 +0000

Life has been hard lately. Super hard. Every where I turn there is sadness. All of me seems to be breaking. And even though I know that trouble don’t last always, things are getting worse as time goes on.

I have always noticed though, that my circumstances seem to be unbearable only when my relationship with God has faltered. When I become cynical about my faith and don’t dedicate my energy to serving Him in any capacity, things fall apart. This may not be the case for all, many or even few, but as for my own life, chaos erupts when I am not trusting in Him.

I have fallen out of the habit of talking to God. Sharing with him my troubles. Thanking him for blessings and mercies. Incorporating Him in to my everyday life. There are many reasons this has happened, but most of it has to do with not being centered spiritually, not having a base, wandering without a consistent church.

I realize now that I can no longer use that as an excuse though. Church is man-made, while Christ is in my heart. There is no earthly reason why He should not be the center of my everything, so I must be a responsible Christian and live as such, church home or not.

I was resisting the urge to call out to him for a long time. I sometimes feel, why talk to God when he knows what’s going on. He’s omnipotent, right? He knows my heart. But as Psalms 3:19 says, "How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world".

And so things began to happen in my life, things that made me second guess this theory of mine that there was no need for me to nurture an intimate connection with him. Things that were pushing me to come to him.

And then last week, I heard this song and everything about it screamed, “You must get alone with him and speak to him. Even if it’s just calling his name, you must speak to him.” And I did.

I won’t say that things immediately changed. I don’t look at the Father as our personal genie who immediately comes running when we want or need Him. But I will say that the habit of communication between Savior and believer is forming again. And it may take a few more pitfalls, bumps, valleys, and heartaches to make it stronger, but such is life.

Life is hard. But I look at our problems, not as the devil trying to make us weak, but as God trying to make us strong. He is working on me. And I am opening up my heart to whatever it is He has in store, once again.

New Orleans in a Nutshell

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:36:00 +0000

It's been awhile. I know. Things just ain't the same when I'm not spending a few nights a week blogging away, but my laptop died on me and access to the internet became scarce and my job has my stress levels on a hundred, thousand, trillion, yadda, yadda yadda...

Anywho, I took a quick break from life in Tha Town, and flew out to New Orleans for the 4th of July weekend to help a pair of my favorite twins celebrate their 30th birthday. Jamilah and Kalilah have been my girls since high school, with Kalilah also being my roommate during three semesters of college. Add to that, having always wanted to go to the annual Essence Music Festival, and finding out Jill Scott and Kanye West would be there, I jumped at the chance to attend. Jamilah's friend from Dallas, Tequila, also came with us.

There were a million things to do in New Orleans that weekend, but since I am no longer a party girl, I had my heart set on a number of seminars and events held at the convention center. And drinking. lol So on Friday, after grabbing BBQ shrimp and grits at The Red Slipper, and a Hurricane from the Big Easy on Canal, we headed to the convention center, where we unexpectedly ran in to Charlie Wilson and Chaka Khan.

After pics and signed albums, we headed to the Iyanla Vanzant seminar, followed by a panel of a few of my favorite authors: Terry McMillan, Dolen Perkins-Valdez (the author of Wench), Tayari Jones (Leaving Atlanta, The Untelling, and the recently released, Silver Sparrow), Danielle Evans (Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self), and Sharifa Rhodes-Pitts (Harlem is Nowhere: A Journey to the Mecca of Black America). Being the book slore that I am, I was in heaven when I got a chance to speak to Terry McMillan about my book club's "Getting to Happy" retreat last October, got a hug from Tayari after missing her on the San Francisco stop of her book tour, and shared with Dolen how Booktini read her book in December. Meanwhile in another part of the convention center, Kalilah was on stage doing the Running Man in an impromptu dance contest hosted by Taraji Henson. Fun times!

We definitely had a blast. Until I realized in the cab on the way back to the hotel, that I didn't have my phone. Luckily, on the way back to the convention center, we received a call from one of the workers there, letting me know that they had my phone. Talk about a sigh of relief. Losing my BRAND NEW PHONE ON VACATION would have been hell.

After relaxing for a bit, we had dinner at the Red Fish Grille, and later perused Bourbon Street while having a few drinks. *giggle* Kalilah and I also got a chance to run into one of our old college friend from the LU*, Victor, who now happens to be a police officer in NOLA and was on duty a few blocks from Bourbon. I hadn't seen him since 2002, so it was great reconnecting. Afterwards, along with 50 other people, we did the electric slide to Frankie Beverly, and I carried my tired ass home.

On Saturday, we rushed to make it back to the convention center for the Cornel West, Tavis Smiley, and Iyanla Vanzant seminar but got there a little late, only seeing the tail end of the conversation about Barack's progress and the state of Black folks in America. That seminar was followed by Soledad O'Brien interviewing Terry McMillan about her life, including a candid conversation about her failed marriage. It was shocking to hear her say that she is now friends with her ex-husband, and she finally had to realize that regardless of how it ended, he made her extremely happy for the first seven years of her marriage, so much so that the next man has some huge shoes to fill. Say what, Terry?

Later on, we caught a cab to The Two Sisters Restaurant, where we had a whole lot of soulfood (neckbones and collard greens, to be specific) and bought a few homemade pralines for my mama, and mini sweet potato pies. Reminded me of Nelly's back home in Oakland.

That night, along with another one of our girls, Naseema, we rushed to the Superdome to see El Debarge (we missed him though), Chaka Khan (she did the damn thang, and ended her performance by making Ledisi come on stage with her to sing "I'm Every Woman"!!!), Jill Scott, and Kanye West.

Ya'll know Jill is my baby mama, and our connection goes all the way back to 1999 when I discovered "Who is Jill Scott: Words & Sounds, Vol. 1", but this latest album, I wasn't feeling it. That is, until I heard her sing the tracks live. IT WAS AMAZING. I THINK I'M IN LOVE AGAIN!

As far as Kanye, I never realized he had so many hits. The man was up there for nearly THREE HOURS. I was like, "Lord, my body is weary, but this is my jam! Give me strenf to dance, please."

Sunday, I went to the convention center again, and met up with Russell, one of Kalilah's friend's from New York. We were both excited to find out that Jill Scott and Ledisi would be there signing cds. There were no pictures allowed, but I got to chit chat with Jill about J California Cooper and The Wake of the Wind (yes, my nerdy self was talkin' about books). And Ledisi has one of the sweetest spirits ever, especially when we bonded** over both of us being from East Oakland.

I was slightly saddened when I missed out on the gospel concert with Kierra Sheard, Kelley Price, Fred Hammond, Cece Winans, and Marvin Sapp, but the shrimp etoufee and catfish po boy that I had later was as close to heaven as it gets, so I got over my sadness quickly.

I then headed over to Cafe du Monde for a few beignets, and afterwards, rushed back to the Super Dome. We hadn't bought tickets for Sunday's concert with Kem, Trey Songz, New Edition and Mary J. Blige, but one of the security guards had enjoyed our group so much the night before, that he told us to come back Sunday, a few hours early for free tickets. We got there, only to find out we would be in the 8th row, right in front of the main stage! Talk about being ecstatic!

On Monday, we slept in until the afternoon, and then went off to the Jackson Square area, where we had lunch at the Market Cafe. I got to taste fried alligator. Yum! Tastes like chicken lol We then headed to Cafe du Monde, where I met up with Walidah, someone I've known through my blog and twitter and facebook for YEARS. After beignets, we headed off to do a little sightseeing around town, but it was so hot, we could barely move. Later that night we went to see the fireworks at the Riverwalk with another one of our friends from the LU, Vanessa, and ended the night with dinner at The Famous Gumbo Pot (our first waiter was horrible though...who walks away TWICE in the middle of the customer ordering? smh)

Our last day in Nawlins, we headed to the US Mint to see an exhibit on the constructs and history of RACE done by the Louisiana Civil Rights Museum.. A few blocks away at the Louisiana State Museum, we walked through the Katrina exhibit and the exhibit on the history of Mardi Gras. Afterwards, we had lunch at the ACME Oyster House (the grilled oysters were delish!) before heading to the airport during a random thunder storm.

Overall, I had a great time in New Orleans. Getting to meet a few of my favorite writers and singers absolutely made my weekend and spending time with old friends was a plus. I also fell in love with the city, it's side streets and beautiful buildings, the mesmerizing accents, delicious food, addictive music, the art, EVERYTHING. It is one of the most uniquely entertaining cities in our country. I can't wait to go back again, to travel up and down Frenchman Street for good local music, take a tour of the Treme, eat at NOLA and Arnaud's, and visit the Jazz museum.

I think I'm going through gumbo withdrawals. Mardi Gras 2012, anyone?

*Langston University
**Ok, bonded is an exaggeration, but you know what I mean. She is my BFF in my head, after all.

It's Our Anniversa...Wait. We Don't Have An Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Thu, 26 May 2011 00:26:00 +0000

My boyfriend and I don't have an official anniversary date for our new relationship. I'm pretty sure he couldn't care less, but me being the typical girl who enjoys celebrations of love, I'd like to set aside a day to honor our boyfriend-girlfriendship.

Yes, I know I'm grown and grown people arent supposed to care about that, but still...
The problem is, I can't remember when we started "Goin' Togetha". After some months of dating, while eating dinner at a local restaurant, The Boyfriend started sharing a conversation that he had with a coworker. As he's retelling their convo, he explains that he says to his coworker something along the lines of "My girlfriend said blah blah blah...".

Even though hearing him say that made me smile wide and deep on the inside, my initial sarcastic reaction was to stop his story to ask what he meant by referring to me as his girlfriend.

"You know you're my girlfriend. Stop playin'," was his response, as he attempted to finish his story. Of course I wasnt satisfied with that. I wanted to have some say so in the matter. Ask me to be your girlfriend. Send me a note on lined paper with the option to circle "Yes" or "No". Geez. But he continued to nonchalantly ignore my queries about this labeling of our relationship.

And then...we were together.

Isn't that romantic?

It has been a long while since I have been in a relationship. It was very strange to hear people say "Congratulations" when they heard about my boyfriend. Are times that hard? Had everyone given up hope on me*? "Congrats" is the salutation reserved for when you earn a degree, get married, or have a new baby, right? When I heard it in response to "My boyfriend is such and such", I had no idea what to say. lol

Anyway, along with the "congrats" that I recieved, a few of my girls pointed out that I wouldn't have an anniversary since I can't remember the day this particular conversation took place. At first I didnt care but then I was like "Oh hell nawl...I needs me an anniversary." This guy makes me extremely happy. Why wouldn't I want to celebrate our togetherness?

So I settled on the anniversary of our first date. The day before Thanksgiving, we decided to meet up at the Starry Plough, a local bar/restuarant in Berkeley that also serves as the headquarters of the Berkeley Poetry slam**. I'd never been and he is also in to poetry/spoken word, so we met up there and had a really great time. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into (what with me being the Single Black Woman With Zero Options president and all), but I'm glad it happened. I think we both were kind of surprised by how much we enjoyed each other's company.

And so that is where it all began.

Yesterday marked six months since that fateful evening. And even though The Boyfriend hadn't realized the significance of it all (like I said, he couldn't care less lol), he bought tickets for us to see Eric Roberson and Vivian Green tonight. YA'LL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE ME SOME ERIC ROBERSON, RIGHT?

So I guess we'll be able to celebrate something after all.

*I know I'm the president emeritus of 3SBWWZO, but still...ya'll didnt have to give up hope on me like that lmao

*Yes, I know. it doesn't get cornier than going to a poetry spot on a first date, but it was one of the best dates I've ever had. lol

The Book of Light

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Thu, 19 May 2011 18:28:00 +0000

I'd never even heard Lucille Clifton's name until she passed away last February, and my Twitter timeline was filled with mourning by the authors, writers, and poets that I admired the most. I immediately added all of her books to my "TBR" list and finally, two days ago, I cracked open the Book of Light. And just in time, because that same day, Psychology Today posted an article about how and why Black women are the least beautiful (it has since been removed from their site). I read "Song at Midnight" a few hours after learning of the article...and it touched me tremendously. It seems as if she was able to beautifully render the sentiments of many of the women upset and hurt by the article (and other systemic attacks that consistently mock what we are made of).

How could she have known that these words would be needed in 2011?

Song at Midnight
...do not
send me out
among strangers
-Sonia Sanchez

brothers

this big woman

carries much sweetness

in the folds of her flesh

her hair

is white with wonderful

she is

rounder than the moon

and far more faithful.

brothers,

who will hold her,

who will find her beautiful

if you do not?

****

won't you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model.

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

-Lucille Clifton, The Book of Light (pg 24, 25)

Natural Hair Meet Ups? I'll Pass

noreply@blogger.com (suga) — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:58:00 +0000

A few weekends ago, I attended a natural hair meet up. I was excited because even though I’d heard of them, I’d never known of any that consistently took place in the Bay Area. I was in Chicago during the last meet up, so I promised myself I’d check this one out.

First things first, I was shocked at the price: $20! I can’t even remember the last time I paid that much to get in to the club, so I was surprised a natural hair meet up would cost that much. They promised champagne, goodie bags, and prizes, so I figured I’d stop being a cheap skate and buy my ticket online ~~plus I didnt want to pay the $25 at the door.~~

The meet up took place in a hair salon, which I initially thought was a great idea because I’m very interested in finding more natural hair stylists in Oakland. There was a problem with space though. Fitting 50+ women in a small salon for four hours where only 10% of us could sit, wasn’t too much of a good idea. Not to mention that being in the back meant you may not be able to clearly see the styling demonstrations that took place.

Another issue: this meet up seemed to be sponsored by one particular hair product. I’ve always been interested in attending the natural hair meet ups so products junkies can share their trial and error experiences with shampoos, moisturizers, conditioners, hair sprays, etc. That can’t happen when product reps are involved in every aspect of the event, can it? NOPE.

In between the product reps and hair stylists* giving tips on hair care, the hostess of the event told us to look inside of our goodie bags for a golden ticket. Those with certain ticket numbers were given prizes. Well…I didn’t have a golden ticket in my bag at all. And neither did 70% of the people around me. What the hell?

As I I fumbled around in my bag searching for the golden ticket, I took note of the product samples that were given to us. Every single product was for curly hair. I don’t have curly hair. Granted, I have locs, but even if I had loose natural hair, mine is far from curly. What good does that do me? Or the other 60% at the meet up who didn’t seem to have curly hair?

I met people. Talked about my locs a few times. Explained my homemade moisturizing spray to someone who seemed interested. Asked a question or two. Got an answer. Became bored. And then I left wondering what the hell just happened here? Did I really pay $20 for that?

I have much respect for the ladies in the natural hair community because I think many of us are clearing the path to help new naturals and those contemplating the transition make that decision. It’s not easy to go from relaxed hair to kinky or curly. Many of us aren’t prepared for the sudden change in our looks/style and are confused by the different products and maintenance steps that it takes to look “presentable”. So I give props to those, especially online, who share their experiences and aid in teaching others how to handle their hair.

But honestly, I left that meet up feeling taken advantage of and thinking that I will never attend another one again.

Granted, I’ve been natural for a long time, so most of the things that were discussed were things that I already knew. Also, I have locs, and they mostly spoke on loose hair naturals, which didn’t help me in any aspect whatsoever**. So, had I been a “new, loose hair” natural, I might have benefited from attending.

But still, I have a huge problem with the cost*** of the meet up.

I feel like as naturals, we already have enough issues to deal with concerning our hair. If someone is putting together an event for naturalistas to learn from each other, it should be free or under $10, unless food is provided. It should be an atmosphere of sharing and not just watching someone style hair. And no one should leave feeling like they wasted four hours of their life.

So, suga, why don’t you organize one then? My experience helped me to realize that I do not care enough about hair to do such a thing. I want my hair to be presentable and healthy, so I don’t mind asking people for help or researching for tips, but discussing hair with a large group of people for more than 15 minutes is not my idea of fun. That is the one thing that I learned from the meet up: I’m not as dedicated to natural hair as I thought (or any kind of hair, for that matter).

I’ll still rock this shirt though.

But holla at me when there is a meet up for ladies who love to play in NYX or Urban Decay make up, or women who enjoy books. Or tacos. Or Target. Other than that, I’m cool.

*Regardless of how I felt about the meet up, the stylists that did demonstrations were excellent and I’m contemplating having one touch up the color of my locs. I loved the fact that they were serious about healthy hair, and having good communication with their clients. I cant help but think that the influence of the product reps hindered them from sharing information about other hair products, though.

**The one thing that I did learn about locs: using primrose oil will also keep color treated locs from fading.

***Gas is way too high to be paying $20 for a natural hair meet up when Youtube is FREE. I should have known better. And it didnt make me feel any better to see meet ups in Chicago and DC this past weekend, both under $10.