Sumankumar's yak pad

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2010-03-06T10:15:00.001+05:30

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Yak pad will be retired

2010-02-03T16:20:00.004+05:30

Google has announced their plans to stop supporting FTP support for custom domain blogs. And, I have not been blogging lately. So Sumankumar's Yak pad (SKYP) will be retired.

For the one or two readers that feel sad, here's the good news. I will be launching SKYP 2.0 very very soon. A spanking new Wordpress blog with tons of new stories. So don't bust that nut yet, we'll be right back!

Spanish biriyani

2009-11-07T17:05:00.000+05:30

Ha!

Make your own jokes!

2009-11-06T14:21:00.000+05:30

I read it as 'Gloria's jeans now open.'

Jet Airways sends me someone's ticket

2009-10-22T13:39:00.004+05:30

I have no idea why I got this mail from Jet Airways. I looked at the ticket and under 'E-mail' it was someone else. It was not even Gmail. You know the story of the 'dot' in Gmail. So either the customer that booked the ticket gave a secondary mail id and made a mistake. Or, Jet screwed up. I am inclined to believe the latter to be true. Here's a screen grab. I have blurred all private information. WTF is going on? Someone tell me please!

Pug on a bike

2009-10-15T18:32:00.000+05:30

Kids playing in water

2009-10-05T10:10:00.000+05:30

The park next to my apartment. That sprinkler was awesome. even i played for a while.

The fortune teller and his colorful cow

2009-09-25T01:43:00.000+05:30

The tsunami auto

2009-09-20T22:15:00.000+05:30

Vittal mallya road marooned

2009-09-18T14:34:00.000+05:30

Invest with a sense of humour

2009-09-05T12:17:00.000+05:30

Manjeri, Kerala.

Searching for faith

2009-08-19T10:53:00.000+05:30

Man outside a temple.

Recession?

2009-08-05T19:38:00.000+05:30

Banking Humor

2009-07-31T14:58:00.003+05:30

My Citibank Suvidha investment account has this monthly Systematic Investment Plan (SIP); essentially this means instead of paying upfront I have the option of paying in monthly installments and invest in funds. However...

Even God Needs Science

2009-07-30T14:35:00.001+05:30

Saw this mechanized drum at a temple near home. Earlier temples hired drummers to play during daily ceremonies.

:)

2009-07-24T21:17:00.000+05:30

Park. A play.

2009-07-21T20:51:00.000+05:30

Ravindra my friend acted in this play. Staged at kyra, bangalore.

The Price You Gotta Pay

2009-07-20T21:55:00.006+05:30

It was five in the morning. It was a balmy October day and the trees stood still. The town of Chittoor was pregnant with expectation. Chiranjeevi's Raakshasudu was releasing that day. The Chiru fans' association had arranged for a special show. Quite a few people I knew were going for the special show. I wished I knew someone that would get me inside MSR movie hall for that show but I wasn't lucky. But, that didn't dampen my spirit. Srinivas and I were ready with our star: a bamboo and cardboard affair with an assortment of Chiranjeevi's pictures stuck on it. That was the tradition then. If you were a real fan, you installed a star (no matter how small) in the movie hall. On day one of the release.

I have to tell you about movie stars and their fans in Andhra Pradesh. Guys were fanatical about their heroes. In 1984, fans of Superstar Krishna created a record of sorts by erecting the biggest star for the release of Kanchu Kagada, outside Srinivasa movie hall. The imposing star made of bamboo and gray paper stood more than 25 ft tall. I don't think that record was ever broken. If that wasn't crazy enough, they showered rose petals, money, and what not when their beloved star appeared on screen. The movie hall would erupt and explode what with hundreds of fans screaming. I know of people that were injured when a one-rupee coin hit them. Fans would take over the balcony, the high price ticket area, days on end. It was easy to shower flowers and coins from the balcony. If you were one of those budget types that chose to sit in 'First Class,' well, a coin or a coconut just might hit you.
Altercations broke out between fans of different stars quite often. Chiru vs Balayya was the most debated topic. All fans had the numbers on their fingertips. How many centers recorded 100 days? Fuck the 100 days, what were the collections? Oh! Balayya's fans forced the movie hall to run the movie for 100 days! He can't dance! Chiru is dark! Balayya wears high heels to hide his short stature. And so on. I know a guy that broke his nose because he forgot Balayya�s fans outnumbered us and yet, he commented on Balayya. Pow! Came the punch. We kids called it 'Mukku Pachhadi' (Nose Salad) in Chittoor.

Srinivas and I biked it to MSR Movie Land, on his dad's ancient Hercules bicycle. He sat in the 'Carrier' behind the rider's seat, holding to our 'Star'. And I pedaled hard. By the time we reached the movie hall, it was already six. There were a million stars occupying every nook and corner of the movie hall's facade. We ran like our lives depended on it. The special show crowd was already there. The show was about to start.
'We'll get tickets for the evening show. Don't worry.' Srini said. I was disappointed nevertheless. What kind of fans were we! But what can a couple of 12 year olds do? We had trouble finding a nice spot for our tiny star. It appeared tiny now. There were bigger, better stars. Some even had serial electric bulbs that blinked as if mocking us.

Just as we were climbing a wall to reach the massive billboard that faced the road, a security guard screamed 'Get the fuck down you bastards!' And he pointed a stone at us. As I slid down the wall, I slipped, and hurt my leg. The skin on my knee peeled. It was white one moment and in the next, it filled up all crimson. I bit my lip and faced the security guy and said, "Fans...fans association. They asked us to put this star."
"Of course, why don't you convince me you are Chiranjeevi himself? And, what star are you talking about!?" He said and laughed. I hadn't noticed, but Srini had dropped the star and it was crushed beyond recognition. The special show crowd had trampled it. I stared at Srini for a moment that lasted forever. He was devastated. He adjusted his spectacles a million times. And we both broke down. The tears broke free, washed my face. The special show started. It was just the two of us. We were about to leave when we heard the security guy screaming at us.
"Park your cycle. Do you have money?" He said.
We were perplexed.
"Don't just stand there like idiots. Get in. Sit on the floor in front of the front row. All for two bucks! Now!"

We paid the security chap and parked the cycle. We flew through the tiny opening in the Iron grill gate. I almost tripped and fell again. That's when I noticed that the cut on my knee was bleeding profusely. The security guy signaled to the usher guarding the Entry door. And, we walked in and squatted on the ground, right under the huge screen, next to a bunch of gypsies. They were smoking beedies. Some were chewing scented tobacco and spitting all over the place. One gypsy woman was trying to feed her wailing baby. We didn't care. My knee hurt a lot. But as the lights went off, and the screen came alive, I felt no pain. We didn't let our hero down. That's what mattered then.

When we were riding back home, I asked Srini
'Do you think all this trouble was worth it?' I was sitting at the back and he was riding.
He mulled over it for a moment and said,
'There's a price for every experience. And what you get is a priceless memory.'

I honestly don't know what the heck he meant, I mean, not too many 12 year olds spoke like that. But that line stuck with me.

Sapthagiri wines

2009-07-18T21:37:00.000+05:30

Instructional design

2009-07-17T22:06:00.000+05:30

Why-kee-pedia?

2009-07-14T22:37:00.006+05:30

I caught my eleven year old nephew browsing the web and I asked him,
"What are you up to?"
He said, "I am researching on Tamil freedom fighters on 'why-kee-peedia'. For an essay?"

I was impressed. When I was his age, I had to rely on the government library in Greamspet, Chittoor, for research. The wiry, old librarian was a hostile man. He walked about in those cramped corridors between bookshelves, his shoulders hunched over and his eyes roving: we stole half the books within a week of the opening of the library. The modus-operandi was simple. Pick a book of your fancy, check if anyone's watching, if no one was, tuck the book under your shirt. And, walk s..l..o..w..l..y. That rule is the same I guess: for shoplifting, bank robbery, and running away from eateries without paying the bill. You always walked out calm and composed.

As time wore on I realised the importance of a library and how it could help me in my projects. So I stopped stealing books from libraries. Other than research, I chanced upon classics like Alex Hailey's Roots, Melville's Moby-Dick. The catch was that they were all Telugu translations. I didn't regret it though. I spent hours reading in the library. Now, I am not one of those 'well read' 'I-can-quote-Kafka' kind of a 'well read' guy. I read for fun. I read action, adventure, and stuff. And I read like a maniac.

My mom used to send me to the market to buy provisions or coffee. Those days they never used plastic covers: You walked into Anji Shetty's store and asked for say, half a kilo of moong dal. He packed it in a paper from a magazine or sometimes when you're lucky, a sheet from a Telugu novel. The cone shaped parcel was bound by Twine. Remember those huge twine globes hanging in old stores? They tugged the loose end and deftly wrapped your parcel, and snapped the Twine in one clean move? I used take that parcel home and wait for mom to unpack the parcel ("Don't tear the paper! Just undo the Twine!!") and grabbed that paper, sat down in the hall read it as if my life depended on it. I put together a collection of Telugu short stories that way, thanks to Anji Shetty's store.

I tore myself away from my reverie and noticed that my nephew was making notes. I didn't want to disturb him but I had a couple of questions.
"So you are interested in reading and writing about stuff like this?"

He said "Hmmmm? Interes.... I don't know?" and continued making notes. I could sense it. He wanted to say 'Why don't you buzz off?' I decided to push it. What the heck, as a kid, I had to bear with quite a few nosy morons. 'It is payback time buddy.' I thought. Also, I wanted to know what kind of reading my nephew did. Mark Twain? Crusoe? Nancy Friday?

"You don't read books? I mean you could go to the library and read about the freedom fighters... they have a lot of books..."

He stared at me and I could almost read his thoughts again. He said "But why!? I get that information on why-kee-pedia!" And, the first prize is only a 1000 Rupees! Who wants to walk to the library for 1000 Rupees!"

Touche.

RIP Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T11:55:00.003+05:30

It was raining and we were scurrying for cover in VGP Golden Beach. It was 1989. I refused to budge. They were playing Thriller. That was the first time I heard MJ. I was transfixed. "What music is this?" I asked someone and they laughed at me. "That's Michael Jackson, stupid!" Now, I was a small town boy and we didn't get any 'western music' records. When I walked into the music store on Church street in Chittoor, the next week, and asked for Thriller the store guy clucked his tongue and said 'No. I have to order it from Madras. Double charge. Will take 10 days. Shall I?"

I hadn't heard his music before. I heard of this guy MJ all right but for a 16 year old back in 1989, 200 bucks were a lot of money. To this day I don't know why I said "Yes!" to that store guy. I am glad I did.

I played Thriller endlessly on our Dyanora-National '2-in-1' Cassette player. Before long I had Bad too in the collection. My neighbours, who thought I was this nice kid that knew his manners, were in for a shock. They enquired about those strange, loud noises that exploded from my room. It was me practicing the MJ hiccup. Or the squeal. My mom proudly proclaimed to her friends "Vaadu Ingleesh paatalu paaduthunnadandi!" (He is singing English songs). The next thing I did shocked the shit out of everyone. I put some FEM facial bleach on my side locks and hey presto! I had light brown side locks. I cut my hair and ensured that one strand of it fell on my forehead. The strand became brown but refused to curl up despite hours of trying it.

I know that all kids go through this. But to do something like that in Chittoor back then was true rebellion. There was no real TV. There were no top 20 countdowns on the radio. There was no Internet. Heck, if you had a phone, you were considered a rich man!

I am sure most of the people thought I was a clown. They were right. I wanted suspenders, I think because I saw an MJ's picture in which he wore suspenders. Now, forget suspenders, Chittoor was getting used to trousers only then. I was way ahead of time. So I decided to make my own suspenders. I bought two thick strips of elastic and had my tailor stitch it to my new chocolate brown baggy trousers. Believe me when I say this: I wore those custom made suspenders and tried hitting on girls. In retrospect, it explains why I never got any.

I felt sad when I watched Chiranjeevi (I am a big fan!) dance for 'Kashmora kaugilisthey...' in Dhonga. It was a poor imitation of the legendary Thriller. When I whispered to my friend sitting next to me in the movie hall "That's a copy of..." He interjected "Impossible. Chiru doesn't tolerate copying." I mumbled "Right!" and realised that I was seeing, listening to, and understanding things that the average lower middle class Chittoor kid would never imagine existed. That's when I decided "I need to get out of this town." And I did. No no, not that I don't love that town... just that I knew that I had to get out and see other places. Bigger places.

MJ has provided 'inspiration' to quite a few movie music composers in India. I know composers that made a career out of Dangerous alone. One of the reviews of Dangerous said "...bound to provide content for the Indian movie music for years to come." And, you know that is the truth. Before long MJ was a house hold name. I can't think of any 'western' musician that achieved the same distinction. Of course, when Prabhudeva was given the dubious title 'MJ of India' I laughed.

I think MJ is the only western musician my grand ma tolerated. I think she actually liked his music though she doesn't understand a word of what he sings. I am quite sure my granny is sad today. So am I. I know I'll forget this day and move on to grapple with vicissitudes of life. But I want to pause and pay a little to tribute to dear MJ. Thank you for the music MJ. Rest in peace.

Yahoo Domains: Insufferable and Dirty

2009-06-24T17:04:00.004+05:30

I booked a domain name last year using Yahoo Domains. This year they increased their renewal prices without a notification to my principal mail id (which is Gmail).
They bill my credit card without asking me if I want to renew a domain for 34.95 USD Yes. 34.95 for a domain name.

Fine, probably I didn't read some fine print. I am a moron but shouldn't there be a way I can get in touch with them? I mean I fucking paid money and bought something from them... No. There is a convoluted wizard where you choose your problem and click continue... see http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/contactus/. After I clicked Continue, a cute little note said:

So I tried setting up a "call back" with Yahoo. You make an online request and they'll call you. But no. Because my yahoo account did not have my phone number, they wanted me to updated my account with my phone and then request a Call Back. I tried that too but it said "Sorry the system accepts only 10-digit numbers..." And by that time I was like "Can't you count bitch!"

Anyway. I want you to do me a favor. I want Yahoo to answer me just one question.
"How the fuck can you hike your prices and bill my card with the new price without asking me if I am okay with it?" And, the only way I see it happening is by you and me making a lot of noise. So please post a link to this post on Twitter, Facebook, Orkut, Myspace and what not. Will you do that for me? Please?

Music Yogi: "It is okay if you don't buy our CDs"

2009-06-16T12:16:00.003+05:30

A colleague of mine recommended a CD of Karnatriix. I fell in love with their music. And Karnatriix sells their CDs on Music Yogi. I wrote about their "IE only website earlier... If you thought that was bad, check this out.
I called Music Yogi. They provided a number on their website. Some guy picks the phone

Me: Is this Music Yogi?

Guy1: Who is this?

Me: I got your number from the website?!?

Then the guy yells out to some other guy.

Guy2: Hello?

Me: Is this Music Yogi?

Guy2: Yes?

Me: I have some feedback on your websi...

Guy2: Yeah, we are having problems... which CD do you want?

Me: Album called Namaste by Karnatriix?

Guy2: You can send a DD if you want...

Me: Dude! I thought this was 2009??

Guy2: Dude! That's what I told you! The site is not working. I am giving you options.

Me:Listen, I don't think you should get cocky. I mean you're trying to sell something to me and your system is broken! I don't think I have time to go cut a DD... so I...

Guy2: I will give you options, if you don't buy, that's cool too.
Me: !!!! okay! What other options do I have?

Guy2: I'll give you a user id. Use that to log in. Punch in your card details. And we'll send the CD. Or you could transfer the money to an account number and let us know...

Me: Erm, No, I'll pass.

Click!

Whoa! And I thought they were serious about their business. Imagine. He is asking me to use some login credentials that is not mine. And, he has the audacity to ask me to feed my card details. Good luck Music Yogi! And like I said, this is 2009 and it is a sin to be clueless on how to run a simple e-commerce site to sell CDs.

And when you publish a phone number on your fucking website, you don't greet callers with "Who is this?" I am sure you are a cool cat. Been there done that and all that crap, but as a customer I expect a little bit of courtesy.

2009-05-30T13:24:00.001+05:30

Testing ping.fm ignore.