sumidiot

Ambivalence

2012-01-28T04:51:00.000-05:00

My boss described me as having "that ambivalent Nick look" the other day. This was a little bit of a new one for me, sort of like the time one of my students wrote that I was "aloof" on their end of semester evaluations. I don't know that I'd ever heard myself described in either of those ways, prior, though both are probably apt descriptions.

While I have some vague sense of both words, I wouldn't have been able to particularly correctly define either, if you'd asked me to (luckily, you didn't). I tried to piece together "ambivalent" for myself before looking it up. "ambi"... Well, ambidextrous... so... some sort of plural. "valent"... The valence of a node in a graph is the number of edges hitting it (or so). So... I'm going in many directions? Hit from all sides? Nope. According to etymonline.com, which I enjoy, ambi means both and valent is along the lines of valor, strength, for thoughts in this context (I guess the "strength" of a node in the graph makes sense). So, I'm of a divided mind. Somewhat along the lines of cognitive dissonance, though not exactly, I suppose. Glad I looked it up, because I'd have guessed it meant something more like uncaring. It's not that I don't care, I just can't make up my mind, then. I see many options, but have no way to distinguish them by rank.

Aloof's an interesting one, too. Coming from "windward direction" or "the weather side of a ship" to mean "at a distance." Just as a combination of letters, it's also reminiscent of alot.

Write More

2012-01-21T21:01:00.000-05:00

A friend recently told me I should write more. I had just used the phrase "peddle my wares" reasonably naturally in conversation, and I think it caught her off guard. Of course, I wouldn't be particularly surprised to find that she's stopped talking to me, so perhaps I shouldn't use her comment as any sort of motivation... But that's a story for another day, perhaps.

I've sorta been thinking about writing more here anyway. I mean, I've got this space, I'd like to try to use it. Since I basically don't have anything worth saying, though, I've refrained. Apparently some sort of bridge has been crossed, and I'm prepared to babble to you, internet (at least this once, we'll see if I actually keep it up). Lucky you. I think it may be that I think writing helps me organize my thoughts or something (I'm so unique!). While I could certainly just write on localhost and leave you all alone, apparently I'm not going to do that. Maybe the public-ness will help motivate me to keep writing, or to work on my arguments. Or maybe it's a desperate plea for attention. Maybe I don't want to talk directly to any of the people I personally know (due to lack of comfort (why? so I don't have to continue this/a conversation?)), but want to talk anyway.

What will I write about? "They" say to write what you know. Unfortunately, I think that puts me at writing about being confused, with fluctuating levels of depression, and generally not feeling like you know anything or will contribute much. I don't understand much about the world or my place in it. Some online comics, if nothing else, I've seen suggest that maybe this is something that basically everybody goes through, and that maybe I'm just "at that age" (or does it spans ages?).

I suppose an argument could be made that I know about running. Of the last few posts I've had here, several were about running. However, I seem to have found some sort of a place among the Charlottesville Area Trail Runners (thanks, all), and might use space there for whatever running-related things I have to say. (On a side note, if you're in the Charlottesville Area, and looking for a Trail Run, you really should check us out).

Aside from running, I hold a paying job as a computer programmer (technically my title is "Systems Engineer", but most of the best parts of that, which I'm fortunate to spend most of my time doing, are programming). So perhaps I know something which could usefully be shared about... R, or Javascript, or the practice of programming in general. Except I've already got a (also pretty quiet) blog I'd rather use for technical things and, really, I don't even know that much about any of this. I've only got a little experience at this point, and rarely feel that anything I do know isn't already online.

It doesn't seem that that leaves much for me to talk about here. I'm in a mood, at the moment anyway, where I'm maybe inclined to try to talk through some of my general confusion (probably to myself in the open, though you're certainly welcome to comment) (it occurs to me that if I were saying all of these things to myself on a bus, say, people would be giving me all sorts of funny looks). So probably if I actually do end up continuing to write more, here, it'll be very... well, confused. Incomplete. Self-contradictory. Personal? Self-centered. Rambling and pointless.

A wiser fella than myself once said that the unexamined life is not worth living, or so. Of course, other wiser-than-myself fellas have said that life's a piece of s*, when you look at it (this reminds me of the disparity between "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" and "it's the thought that counts"). I guess I'm looking. I may try sharing. Forgive me.

Tough Mudder

2011-10-22T20:51:00.000-04:00

This morning I ran the Tough Mudder event out at Wintergreen (site of the recent UROC). It really was quite fun, and I'd honestly be tempted to run another (probably not tomorrow, even if they did offer us 50% off).

Originally, I decided to do the run because some folks from work were putting a team together (there's been a fair amount of joking about the electrocution obstacle for the past few months at work). However, it didn't quite work out as a team event for me... by yesterday, one of the guys had bailed, and I had created a scheduling conflict for myself, so couldn't make our designated wave start. The remaining team members had afternoon commitments, so couldn't really wait for me. I figured I'd just go down anyway and see what happened.

What happened was that nobody cared at all about assigned start times, which was nice. You show up, check in, drop your bags, and start whenever you want, basically (I think they really wouldn't stop you from running it multiple times on the day, if you were so inclined). So that was good. I started with the noon group, which I quickly moved toward the front of, on account of starting off basically going up a ski slope. I was surprised (perhaps because I'm not too bright) by all the people walking so much throughout the day. Ok, sure, I can understand not trying to run up a ski slope (though I've recently decided I sort of like testing my going up-ability), but... 10 minutes in I had already caught up to some folks from the wave ahead of me, and I think waves were separated by about 20 minutes. Anyway, I rarely mind passing people, especially on hills, so I'm not complaining.

I was fairly nervous about some of the obstacles (beyond electrocution). I don't have much in the way of upper body strength, so things like 'Get over a 12 foot wall', 'Carry a log up a ski slope', 'Cross monkey bars over a water pool' (the temperature was in the 50s today) had me a bit anxious. I surprised myself with the monkey bars (namely, I made it), and the logs weren't just cut to size assuming people would be in groups (probably I could have picked up a solo from another group, if I'd needed to, but they had individual-sized logs too).

The 12 foot wall I only made it over because there was a great amount of camaraderie among the ~~runner~~ participants, especially at the obstacles. At one of the first obstacles, it looked like some volunteers were there holding up some cargo net to help us sort of get started/finished. What confused me was they had bib numbers on. It took until a later obstacle for me to realize that it was just other participants, helping out (not just helping out their teammates). So at the next cargo net I tried to do my part as an anchor (like I had any idea how to do that, but I tried to do what other folks seemed to be doing), and at various walls I tried to offer what I could to get a few people up-and-over before moving on.

There was always the possibility of simply skipping an obstacle, but there were always lots of folks around the harder ones, which helps the motivation. It does lead to a fair amount of down time, waiting for your turn to try to run up a half-pipe, or get over that 12 foot wall, or crawl under the cargo wire. My overall time was 2:45 (which was probably reasonably ahead of the average - I heard several folks talking about 4+ hour times, and I don't think many people passed me), but I wouldn't be surprised if 20-30 minutes were just waiting around at obstacles. I definitely didn't mind the break, though. Even without the obstacles, that was a tough 10 mile run, with so much vertical gain and loss.

I got a little banged up, but nothing too bad. Mostly just my knees and shins picked up some scratches and light bruising from the crawling around at various obstacles (elbows were probably only spared because I wore long sleeves). I think I picked up a bruise on my hip at the slip and slide (did I mention it was in the 50s?), from the rocks underneath, but honestly that part was smoother than I expected. I'm guessing this is a reasonably typical Mudder experience (plus some additional knee pains on this course - ski slopes, people). My teammates who ran earlier than me, and I ran in to at the finish area, said they heard a guy behind them required medical attention for a broken leg (like, bone coming out of the skin broken). I heard some folks behind me requesting attention on one of the downhills, but I don't really know what the issues was.

The obstacles we actually had didn't exactly agree with the obstacles on the course map, though certainly the most memorable ones are on there, and it doesn't much matter. Mostly they weren't particularly scary, though there was certainly some scattered moments of concern on my part ('that looks like a big drop'). Interspersed between obstacles were a few aid stations. Mostly they seemed pretty simple (coming out of ultras which have had lots of tasty options) - bananas and water (I think there were occasionally some clif products). The water was mostly distributed in bottles (12 oz?), which sort of struck me. It was too much water to drink passing through the aid station, but more than I wanted to carry. I downed what I could, but generally ended up with at least a little left in the bottle before tossing it (ah, waste).

I didn't actually get electrocuted (and my teammate who said he did get hit said it wasn't really too bad), so, for me, the worst obstacle was the 'Chernobyl Jacuzzi' (I think I'm not alone in this assessment). Per the course description:

Jump in and out of an icy mixture of assorted carcinogens. The additional limbs you'll grow will surely help you on later obstacles.

The key word here is 'icy' (carcinogens maybe meant food coloring... I think my pool was purple). I mentioned it was in the 50s, right? So, this was one of the obstacles with a slight backup. We're standing there in line and see an earth mover sort of vehicle off to the side, coming up to the side of the shipping containers we're about to hop in. We notice the bucket it's about to dump is full of ice, and start yelling at the people ahead of us to hurry up. Alas. Ice was dumped, and then I got my chance to jump in. Damn that's cold. Oh, and there's barbed wire over a wooden divider in the shipping container, which you have to go under. Head fully under in icy water. Brrrr. I got out and took off in a run, trying to keep moving, and not thinking about the cold. One of the nice things at the event was that the cold (in general, not just from this obstacle) was anticipated, so they had lots of those metallic space blankets around (I don't envy the clean-up crew). I was able to mostly keep up a jog, so on the next up-hill in the sun, I didn't feel too bad. For folks taking things at more of a walking pace, the space blankets were (presumably) basically a necessity.

Tough Mudder bills itself as 'Probably the toughest event on the planet'. I'm honored to consider among my friends people who cover 100 miles on their own two feet in one go (up and down mountains, through deserts, ...) so I can't really say I agree with the Mudder's self-assessment. All the same, it's a fun, festive, generally well-organized event. There was some issue with drop bags today... though drop bags had numbers on them, and tables listed ranges of numbers for drop bags to expect there, the obvious system of putting bags where they should be didn't seem to be in affect today. I don't know how long I spent looking for my bag, and the bag of my teammate, but it was probably on the order of 20-30 minutes. That said, the organizers seem to be on their game, and sent out an apology in the afternoon (before I'd made it back to the parking lot), with a 20% discount if we register for another Tough Mudder in the next few weeks. Parking was well handled, the volunteers were all approachable and helpful.

So, there's that. And now I'm going to bed. Fear not the obstacles.

Questioning Running

2011-07-28T20:35:00.000-04:00

On my run yesterday, and probably a fair number of other runs in the past, I was sort of wondering what I was doing. Why am I getting up between 5 and 5:30 to start an hour-long run (say) around 6:30, all before a full day of work? And maybe running in the evening? And probably waking up earlier on the weekend to run even longer?

These aren't particularly comfortable questions to be thinking about less than an hour in. Running on my own, around town, it becomes pretty easy to bail early on whatever mileage I had in mind for the day. Not exactly a good training strategy.

But then, what, exactly, am I training for? I'm not currently signed up for any runs at a mileage I'm unsure about. I've now got a 10k in a few weeks (as part of a team relay triathalon), and the Tough Mudder in October, but that's all I'm currently signed up for. I'd like to do Boston in the spring, but that's still a while.

The big race on my mind is the UROC 100k at the end of September. I know I'm not one of the "Champions", but the race is for anybody, and last year I decided that my goal for this year was to do the GEER 100k, which has become UROC. Of course, my goal also included the Bel Monte 50 miler in the spring, which I bailed on pretty early in. That means my longest run to date is 36 miles, and lately I've only been averaging about 60 miles a week. I'm supposed to translate that into 60 miles in a day, 2 months from now? I kind of doubt it. And my thought is that if I'm not sure going in that I can finish, and that I want it enough, that I'll just quit again. It's sort of what I do. "When the going gets rough, I'm getting out of here."

So I think maybe I've been questioning running a bit because I'm antsy about that race, afraid of failure and all that.

Yesterday, I was thinking that maybe the ultra running I've had my eye on for a while isn't something I actually want for myself as much anymore. Sure, I want to want it, but I'm pretty lazy. I was thinking that maybe I've been thinking for that past few years that I wanted to run ultras because I didn't like grad school. My last few years of grad school were... not good. Probably I was "running away," which, I reckon, ultras are probably good for (not that that's why everybody does them). Perhaps I'm not actually "running toward" any sort of goal like "testing myself" or for some sort of "real" experience. Now that grad school is finally over with, and I've got a great job that I love, maybe I don't actually feel the need to try to run 50, 60, 100 miles in a day. Maybe I could be perfectly happy spending some of the time I'd need for training on other things, like more programming, reading, learning to cook, being home so my cats aren't quite so lonely (and therefore obnoxious when I am around). Maybe I could be pretty happy running 50-60 mile weeks (less?) and occupying my other time/energy other ways. Stop stressing about making sure I get whatever miles in.

Maybe I'm just tired, either from not enough recovery time in my running, or the 57 hours on my last weekly timecard at work. Or maybe it's just the heat talking. After all, running to the tops of "mountains" makes the views that much grander, and whatever large meal afterwards practically justifiable.

Well, whatever. I took today off (from running). Perhaps I'll get my shoes on in the morning.

Outside the Academy

2011-04-07T06:31:00.000-04:00

I recently gave a talk for the mathematics graduate seminar at the University of Georgia, since I was invited to by my old UVA roomie @christopherdrup, who is now a postdoc down there. The title of my talk was the title of this post, and was about my experience switching out of academia.

Unfortunately, some poor planning (why would anybody care to listen to what I have to say?) and verbal diarrhea obscured anything like a point that could have been made. I should have written this post before-hand, to get my thoughts together. Hopefully writing it afterwards will still be useful for somebody.

My point, if I'd focused a little, would have been something along the lines of: If you decide to stay in academia, that's great, and I wish you all the best. If you decide to get out, that's great too, and "real jobs" can be pretty awesome (crazy-better than grad school). This talk may not apply to you now (I wouldn't have listened my first year or two of grad school), but maybe store it somewhere in the background, because things change (I'd have listened two years ago).

I threw some slides together. You're not likely to get much out of just looking at them, since mostly it's just some random pictures. In what follows, I try to recount what I said (or should have, without so much babbling (hopefully)), with some indication about slide transitions.

I began (first content slide, Math) (well, after a quick intro about how I originally wanted to be a math prof, and now have a non-academic job I love), talking about how, yes, I do actually like math. I had a great time in grad school reading about continued fractions, and in the little reading group a few of us formed for number theory. Even at a broad level, the topic of my thesis work (the more involved expression on the slide) was interesting. I told them I wouldn't bother talking about what it was, since it didn't matter, which I think caught some of them by surprise.

However, I never really cared a whole lot about serious math research. I knew being a professor might involve having to do some research, but I was optimistic it could be about math education, or something. I know I never particularly cared about cohomology, or spectra, or spectral sequences, things that my classes for the last few years talked about. (transition on the first slide, to the sketch of the frustrated guy). I failed to mention that it wasn't so much an issue about just being wholly abstract and useless. That had never really bothered me. But I think when it was not only abstract and useless, but also frustrating and not fun, that's when it bothered me.

But that's ok (next slide), because mostly I was in grad school because I wanted to teach at the college level. Getting a phd seems to be a requisite step along the way, so I'd struggle through (a friend, recently, told me this was a stupid reason to go to grad school. I'm not sure about his rationale, besides liking to tell people they're stupid). Teaching was always what got me through. I think I mentioned that they'd need a reason to get through, because grad school is gonna suck a lot sometimes.

Unfortunately, a few years in (transition to the rows of desk), I started not appreciating the teaching gig either. I've come to refer to it as "institutionalized education", and I don't care for it at all. I lost the feeling that school was about the joy of learning, and that, instead, it's all about accreditation. Really a shame, but that's how I see it.

So now it all sucks. I came in liking math, and wanting to teach, and I no longer had either of those. Not a fun place to be. However, grad school wasn't all bad, and I did get a few useful things out of it. (next slide, Running) First up, running. Not much to say here. Physical exercise is probably good for you, and I encourage it, and running just happens to not require anybody else (mostly), and very little in the way of equipment. (next slide, News) Next up, a news habit. In undergrad, I know I was reading slashdot a little (I know this because I remember checking it in the computer lab where I studied abroad), but don't think I read much other news. Sometime in grad school I picked up a multi-hundred feed Reader habit, and it's one I have no intention of trying to break any time soon. I gave them a quick heads up about rss, and was encouraged that a few folks appeared to nod when I asked if anybody followed news this way.

In addition to running and reading and generally avoiding what I was supposed to be doing, I picked up a few side jobs (next slide). Not on this slide are things like: I taught the racquetball gym class one semester, and I worked as a tutor for athletes. But my first odd-job was working with Webwork (online homework system) with Jeff Holt, at UVA. He must have sent out an email to math grads, asking for folks that were interested in tagging webwork problems, so they could be searched and organized. At some point, when Jeff was going to be away for a year, they decided I could be the assistant admin the year before he left, and then the actual admin in his stead. This sounds more impressive than it is, and wasn't particularly taxing. But hey, I figured it'd be useful, because webwork's a cool thing, and I'd use it if I was going to continue teaching. Through Jeff, who has some connections at a publishing company, I got to do some "independent contractor" (I think it was called) work associated with the Rogawski calculus textbook. It started as working with their webwork problem library, debugging problems mostly, but eventually also included editing a chapter (for the second edition), and writing wrong answers for questions, for use with clickers.

More recently (last summer), I worked as an intern in software development at Rosetta Stone. I applied because the then-fiancee of one of the math grads worked there, and she suggested I apply (and acted as an awesome proxy for sending my resume in). I had a great time. I don't remember how much thesis work got done last summer (this is going in to my final year (ended up as final semester) of grad school), but my guess is not a whole lot.

At the end of the summer, I applied with Rosetta Stone to stay on (or come back?), half-time throughout the fall semester while I was still in grad school, and then starting full-time in January when I was done (either with a degree or not, I was pretty fed up with research, and had been for a while - even up in to November I almost told my advisor I was quitting). Also, on the suggestion of @drmathochist, I applied at a little place in Charlottesville, CCRi. I almost cancelled on the interview, since I basically knew Rosetta Stone would work out, and I'd enjoy it, but went anyway, and enjoyed it.

After sort of a crazy week(end) when I was debating between offers, I decided to go with CCRi (next slide, Outside (CCRi logo, boring slide)). I mentioned that maybe it's not the most typical company, but I don't really know about many others. It's a great small place, and the owner is a professor at UVA, so I think it's maybe closer to the academic end of the spectrum than other places. There's a laid back atmosphere, but lots of fun things to work on, and it's full of great people. I should mention that this was also my impression at Rosetta Stone. So while my idea of programming jobs might come from, say, Office Space, The Matrix, or Dilbert, there are other great jobs out there where you don't have to wear a tie or sit in a cubicle.

One of the things it was suggested I might talk about was what my typical day looks like (next slide). My schedule is pretty flexible, so I can get in whenever, and leave whenever, as long as I'm around for my 10am daily meeting (stand in a circle and say what you were up to yesterday, what you're planning for the day - easy, and helps you keep up with the work of others), and long enough overall to get work done. Occasionally I've got a telecon I need to be on, and once a month I need to write a quick progress report. I don't know what a TPS report is, and Lumberg never shows up and asks me to work weekends.

In grad school, you may work on the same problem for weeks or months (years) and not make much noticeable progress most of the time. These days, I do something different every few days. Longer tasks might take (me) a week or two, but I can always see my progress. I get to play with things at all levels, from the math/stats in the background, R for some computations, Java as a big framework, a database as necessary, and Javascript toward the front. While I've maybe dabbled in most of these things, I came in as (and remain) no expert (hopefully I'm improving). But the point is I can learn, and I expect anybody that's bothered starting grad school can say the same thing.

While most of my days are spent programming (which is awesome), other things come in too, to mix it up a bit. The telecons I'm still sorta getting used to (they still stress me out). But I also got to work on a white paper (here's an awesome thing we could do if you gave us money), and that was pretty fun. Every few weeks we might (depending on which project you're on at the time) have a "sprint planning" meeting, where you set some goals for 2-3 weeks out.

I talked a little about the project I'm on (upper-right), where we do threat prediction: given incident reports, where does it seem crime is likely? I also mentioned that I've learned that singular value decomposition is actually useful (I asked if any of them knew this, and didn't notice any hands up), and talked a little about how it's used for text analysis. Why didn't I know this when I was taking linear algebra?

Oh, and we've got a ping-pong table, so days typically involve some of that :)

Ok, fine, some recommendations (final slide). Again, I don't know why anybody would take advice from me. If somebody did, though, this is it: (1) Read. Hook up an rss reader, add feeds for things you are interested in (math or otherwise), and enjoy. (2) Share. Start a blog, show off the things you're doing, and you've got yourself a ready-to-go resume. Even if you've got no formal experience in something, you've got a free way to point people to something so they can see what you can do. I'd hazard a guess that what you can actually do matters more than what grades you got in whatever random classes you took in school to fulfill graduation requirements (especially because I doubt anybody looks that closely at your individual class grades). The flip side of "Share" is "Do". You gotta do something to have something to share. I hated grad school because I never felt like I should be doing the side-projects I wanted to be doing, that instead I should be directing my efforts at my thesis.

(3) Keep Your Eyes Open. Unfortunately, this recommendation could also be "Network", which I always hated hearing at job talks. I'm not a networker. At conferences I'd go and sit through talks, eat the free food, and basically not talk to people. However, look at the jobs I've had and how I got them. Jeff Holt sent out an email asking for people to work on a project, and I did that. From him, I got work with the publishing company. Later on, I put my resume in at Rosetta Stone because a friend suggested it. The same holds for my current job. For not being any good at networking, as I view it from job talks, I have to say that my network has gotten me places (that I want to be!). But since I don't want to call it networking, I'll say Keep your eyes open. Watch for opportunities, and try it if one comes along that looks interesting. You can actually get through grad school and have other jobs and run and read a lot. Of course, if you realize early enough in grad school that you want out, you could skip the grad school bit and just do the fun jobs and the running and the reading...

That's about it for my talk. There were a few questions afterwards. I'm almost certainly mis-remembering them exactly, but I think the general ideas are there...

How much programming would you say you need to have to get a job at a place like mine? I'm sure it depends on what other skills you bring to the table, but if you can learn stuff, that's probably the best skill. If you've got a class or two under your belt, and are otherwise smart etc., that's probably sufficient to be optimistic about sending in a resume. If you take up an interest in programming, outside of official classes, blog your learning efforts, and point people at that.
Why did you go in to math if you clearly like programming? I've been getting this one since before I started grad school. Apparently others know me better than I do. They were all right, too. But, in my defense, I wanted to teach college classes, and I wanted to teach math, not computer science. I'm not sure why, but I never really had an interest in teaching computer science.
There was a question about useful classes (or that I took to be about useful classes, anyway). I don't remember the last useful class I took. I know at least one early on had material I revisited several times, so was probably useful in that regard. None of the classes were (I think) honestly useful for my programming work. I didn't mention (because it didn't occur to me) that I did develop a better appreciation for category theory, and love the viewpoint it allows. And I did recently wonder if "persistent homology" might be useful at work, and certainly some early topology classes would be helpful there (maybe some late ones too?).
There was another question I think I didn't answer well, about what else I learned in grad school that was useful, not just course material. I guess what "soft skills"? I said that people always say that having a phd shows you can focus on a hard problem for a long time (and that, in my case, this isn't true, because mostly I focused on not thinking about my thesis). I think the best skill is being able to learn, and I don't think that I got any better at that because of grad school, necessarily. Certainly having the opportunity to teach a course the first time or two focuses your ability to learn. But you get that in your first year or two, and could still get out after a masters and not miss much. Also, being in grad school may have allowed a schedule for me that let me explore other things, which I may not have gotten to do if I'd jumped into a 9-5.

Chris told me my talk was sort of depressing (that's what happens when I talk about grad school, welcome to my world), but that I had some good points (he didn't say what they were, and I didn't ask). He also tells me that another postdoc in the audience found my talk "refreshing" (since other talks don't talk about how grad school sucks). And apparently I said some things one of the grad students in attendance has been thinking. Going in, I figured such a connection with one person was a suitable goal. I hope whoever it was got something useful out of it, besides just knowing that others have felt the same way (if that's useful).

If I'd lost my idealism about teaching in my first year or two of grad school, I hope that I would have had the sense to bail with my masters. I don't think I've picked up anything since then that I couldn't have gotten outside of grad school. I mean, my two big take-aways were running and news reading.

If I'd known, a year ago, that I'd be at a job like the one I now have (or that I was considering applying for them, that they were even out there), I would have started learning more about stats and things, and (hopefully) blogging my efforts, or some other "share"-ing.

Another Failed Run

2011-03-27T12:42:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I ran part of the Bel Monte Endurance Run, wearing a black bib number that indicated I was in the 50 mile event. And I was, for probably the first 18 miles or so. I think at that point I was in the top 10. Over the course of the next 4 miles I spent more time walking (looking for some coverage for a pit stop, but also just trying to conserve energy on hills) than running. Within another mile or two out from the aid station at mile 22ish I started walking and never started running again. For the few little parts I did run in there, my legs actually still felt ok. But my brain had decided it had no interest in telling my legs to go, and, sadly, I let it get away with that.

While I'm certainly biased toward the CRCRunning team, I'd recommend this event to anybody looking for a run at any of the distances offered (50 mile, 50k, 25k). The trails are some of my favorite (admittedly, I don't get out much), and the volunteers are awesome (thanks, all!). There's a similar event in the fall, the Great Eastern Endurance Run / Ultra Race of Champions (anybody can enter, so do!), that I'm looking forward to.

The course started off with only a little free space before narrowing down to singletrack, and I was behind people who were setting what felt like a really reasonable pace (I was also behind, for a bit, a sorta creepy anesthesiologist, but perhaps I'll give him the benefit of the doubt). I skipped the first aid station, since I was running with my own over-stocked pack and still had plenty of water (and, admittedly, felt like passing some folks). I stopped briefly at the second aid station, and was feeling great, and still felt great at the third aid station. I think I was eating better than during my last race. I was being fairly good about taking gu and salt capsules on a regularish schedule. And though I ran with some 50k guys hoping to crack 5 hours (I hope they did) for a little bit, I think I was being fairly good about my pace/exertion.

After that third aid station (mile 13), we ran along a dirt road with some minor rolling hills. The sun was starting to peek out, and it was really looking like a pretty decent day (despite some pretty uninspiring weather forecasts from earlier in the week). I noticed some sluggishness on some of the hills, which caught me a little off guard, but it wasn't that bad and I kept chugging along. The course turned off the dirt road onto a jeep road and then there was about a mile to the next aid station. In there I started feeling generally sluggish. When I showed up the aid station, the RD, whom I know and am friends with, told me I looked low on energy, and I was sorta feeling that. But I wasn't feeling too bad.

From that aid station we were supposed to do an out-and-back and use a hole punch at the turn-around to punch our bib numbers to indicate we'd done it. The bib numbers came with holes already in them, and I made a joke about it, and how I was just gonna skip that section. I'm pleased that I was close enough to the front that I was the first to make that joke (I asked). I hope the aid station crew laughed for everybody who made it.

Anyway, I took off for the little out and back, but my gut was telling me that it could really use a pit stop. Unfortunately, the trees and bushes were all pretty bare, and it took several miles for me to find a place I was comfortable with. In that time I walked a fair amount (probably best, since I was looking away from the trail a lot). Eventually I found a place, but my gut was letting me know it still wasn't particularly happy with me.

So here I was, 22ish miles into the 50, and not particularly happy about it. As I took off, Alyssa, working the aid station, told me to enjoy. I told her I wouldn't, but at least with a smile on my face. I was expecting to be able to run most of this section, up until the switch-backs that take you straight up to Camp Marty. When I did run, it felt reasonably ok. But my mental game was faltering, and the physical game wasn't there to fill the void (or, if it was, my mind wasn't into letting it try). I knew I was not going to enjoy parts of this run. But I was really optimistic I could make it at least to mile 32, and hopefully 37, before I really hated running. I figured if I could do that, I could slog my way up the last main climb, and then totter down the remaining 7 or 8 miles of mostly downhill. But after mile 22, I was walking more than running, and probably before mile 24 I had stopped running entirely. (Thanks, though, to the awesome CRC crew and whatever volunteers made it possible to cross the creeks without getting my feet wet - something I was fairly worried about after that last wet run)

I walked all the way up to Camp Marty, told Marty I wanted to go home, ate a little, got my water refilled, and then continued walking as straight back to the parking lot as the trails permitted (which was not particularly straight). I think I was at mile 22 around 4 hours, and I made it back to my car, maybe 30 miles total, probably a little under 8 hours. I guess I just missed seeing the top one or two 50 milers finish (they passed me somewhere in my walking).

I wish I knew better what went wrong, in the hopes of avoiding it next time. I really think I did a much better job keeping my pace in check early than I usually do (though perhaps being in the top 10 for a bit belies this notion). And I also think I was doing better with the nutrition/eating aspect. On the day, anyway - the last few weeks/months are probably a different story. Perhaps I got my training wrong (not enough? not enough in the mountains? too slow?) or my taper (took it too easy? not easy enough? didn't adjust my diet appropriately?). Perhaps it's as simple as my gut being slightly unhappy, and kicking off the unhappiness chain reaction earlier than I hoped I was prepared for.

I know I've got a week mental game - I'm a quitter, no doubt about it. I almost never do anything hard, or that I want to not do. I really thought I could do the physical game long enough to compensate, but apparently I was wrong. Alas.

I'm ready to get back to training (might go out for a few easy miles this afternoon (I should have gone out earlier when it was snowing!)). The last two weeks, forcing myself to take it easier than I wanted, were not my favorite. Hopefully I can bring up my endurance, both physically and mentally. Time will tell.

A Learning Run

2011-02-07T22:38:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I ran in the "ICY-8", 8-hour "ATR" (Adventure Trail Run, apparently). The event was nice and low-key, and I'll certainly consider it again next year (and probably the longer variants throughout the year). There were two different loop options, one was 4.7 miles and the other was 8. Both had some hills, but it was all runnable (well, for the first few hours :)).

My goal for this run was 40 miles, and staying out for as much of the 8 hours as I could. I ended up stopping around 6:40, having covered 36.7 miles. I think that makes this the first running event I've done in which I didn't meet my goals. Which is probably, itself, a good learning experience. I think I learned a few other (transferable) things, and thought I'd share them, in case they can benefit somebody else, or help me remember them:

Sitting isn't a good way to control your pace. I decided early on that to get my 40 miles in, instead of keeping track of all those .7s, I'd just run 5 of the 8-mile laps. I figured 1:30 for each lap would be a pretty comfortable pace, and bring me in at a respectable 7:30 stopping time. My first loop was around 1:08, and the second was around 1:12. Since I was then 40 minutes ahead of pace, I figured I'd sit for 10 minutes at the aid station, and still be half an hour ahead. This also gave me a chance to snack, for better or worse (more on this later). I repeated these shenanigans for the next two laps, running each of the 8 mile loops at something like 1:15 and then resting to the 1:30 mark. I really think it would have been better to walk some of the hills as a way to keep my pace in check, instead of sitting so much.
Don't take your gloves off unless you're going to change them. It was about 40℉ and rainy all day. While I was dawdling at the aid station, I decided to take off my gloves, thinking maybe it was more hygienic for grabbing food. After I put the gloves back on and headed out for another lap, my hands got painfully cold. I decided it must have been because the gloves, without my hands to keep them warm, froze up a bit and then froze my hands a bit when I put them back on. I was glad I brought another pair I could change into after that lap.
Your feet will get crazy prune-y and probably blister when you're running in sloppy mud for a few hours. Changing socks seemed to help a little bit, but only so much. I didn't try dealing with blisters until I got home, so I'm not sure what to say about that.
Avoid opportunities to stop. I started my 5th lap still feeling fairly good, with about 2:30 remaining, and started doing some calculations. If I ran a 1:30 8-mile loop, I'd have a whole hour left, and figured I wouldn't want to shoot for a 4.7-mile lap but I'd be disappointed with myself for stopping an hour early. Instead, I decided I could probably get 2 4.7-milers in with the remaining time, and thereby go further and occupy more of the time. So I took the turn for the short loop. I might have made it a bit past halfway through the loop before I, apparently, hit a bit of a wall, as people say. I started walking, never really got back into a run before the final downhill into the aid station, plunked down in my chair with 1:20 remaining, and only got back up to change into warm, dry clothes (which felt amazing, by the way). If I'd opted for the 8-miler when I had the chance, that last lap would have sucked for rather a bit longer, but maybe I would have overcome my rut, and at least I would have met my goal.

I wish I had something specific I could take away from this run in regards to eating. I think I didn't do it right, but I don't know which parts of what I did were the most wrong. I didn't carry anything with me for the first lap, and had a hand-bottle of water on each subsequent lap (which I finished during the laps). I carried GUs for all but the first lap, and had one about halfway through two of the laps. Just when I was about to take one on one of the laps, I started feeling slightly nauseous. I figured GU wouldn't help so I just walked for a bit, and when I started running again things seemed ok. I also felt slightly nauseous on my last lap, which again discouraged me from having GU, and kicked off my walk to my finish. I think the big mistake I made, besides perhaps nothing on that first lap, was sitting at the aid station with all the food. They had a great selection, I must say. Chips, pb&j, skittles, boiled potatoes and salt, ramen (and some other soups), pierogies, quesadillas, grilled cheese... When I was sitting at the end, they had started making hot dogs. Quite a sampling for a guy who likes to eat, and thinks he has a pretty good excuse, running in the mud for a few hours. I didn't have any soup, and avoided the cheeses, but had some of just about everything else. I'm guessing this wasn't the right strategy. I think a powerbar somewhere in there would have been a good idea.

I'd say I learned I'm a bit of a quitter, but I already knew that. I can't seem to find it again, but last week I watched an interview somebody did with Scott Jurek, and he said something about how he likes to say "It's 90% mental, and the other 10% is mental too". I know that I don't have the "mental" (not the kind ultras seem to need). I think this run did get me comfortable with my physical fitness, so I can maybe focus on my mental game a bit more. Sure, I got tired, but I'm feeling pretty good in my recovery. I went out for a few miles yesterday (the day after the event), and nearly went out for some more today, but convinced myself I'd just run to work tomorrow. So I think my legs are there, and I still know I can improve them. Perhaps the disappointment from this run will help push me for the next one.

And there is a next one. I'm signed up for a 50 miler at the end of March. In fact, I just heard about this 8-hour run two weeks ago, and realized it'd make a pretty good training run (would have been better if I'd gone further, longer, but alas). I think a few of the issues I had on this run won't be factors for the 50 miler. First off, the 50 miler is a set distance (clearly), and not a lap course. Secondly, the 50 miler has worse hills, and that'll make it much easiest to incorporate more walking time. And maybe, just maybe, the course won't be quite as muddy.

Adapting to Full-Time

2011-01-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

Starting with the new year, I've been working full-time (and more!) at a real job (not graduate school). It's truly a great place to work, I consider myself quite lucky to be there. While I'm supposed to be there for a 10am meeting, I can pretty much come in whenever I want and leave whenever as well. As long as the work gets done, the particular hours don't matter. Which is awesome. And the people are all very easy to work with, smart, and helpful. And there's a ping-pong table (and surprisingly many people who want to play). It's a great atmosphere. The work is great too, even if it does make me wish I'd taken useful classes sometime in the past 5 years. I've got a whole lot to learn, and it's things I'm excited to learn, which is great (even if I could easily totter into overwhelmed).

During the first week, I felt like I couldn't quite make it all work out. "It all" being work, sleep, running, reading, side projects, keeping the cats not too unhappy with me. Of course, I wasn't exactly expecting to. I think progress was made this past week, though. A big step was sorting out (to first approximation) running to and from work. I can get my miles in, and not feel bad about driving to work (it seems so silly to drive the 3 miles back and forth). I've also done a little bit to organize my online reading... buzzing through headlines and starring items to save for the weekend (Saturday morning with coffee and feed reading... fantastic), since I no longer have office hours for students to not show up for when I could get some quality reading in. I reorganized some of my folders, too, separating out some silly comic feeds, which I could maybe read when I'm pretty tired at the end of the day, from actual potential read-me articles. There's still some organization that could happen there (and some programming projects... :)), but that'll always be the case. Get something started and iterate, right? I'm trying.

I think a next thing to think more about is foodstuffs. Not just eating less (I seem to eat all day - still trying to get my running miles up enough to feel like it's warranted), but being better organized about grocery shopping and when to spend time cooking. I think I can get some lunch-preparing done on weekends (make a big batch of...), and try to have easy (quick, little cooking) food for dinner (sandwich, cereal) so that I still have some time/energy in the evening to work on side projects or read. I'm open to suggestions here (and elsewhere, of course). It also seems like running as my commute will help me trim down the number of grocery store trips I make - there's a grocery store right along the way on my usual drive, so it's easy to just stop in for milk, or cereal, but I ended up going a couple times each week. So if I drive to work once a week, I can use that to transport things I don't want to run with (clothes, non-perishable foods), and then also stop at the grocery store in that trip, that'll be good and efficient. Hopefully. We'll see how it goes.

I'm trying to avoid setting up a rigorous schedule for myself. I don't want to say "I'll drive to work on Mondays, and Tuesday I'll work on side project A, Wednesday will be project B, etc". I think that'll just get me frustrated when some particular day I'm really tired and don't get to a project (reading counts). I want to learn better to adapt and be flexible and still get things done when things don't go according to plan. Add it to the huge list of things to learn.

Anyway, that's me. Off to see about getting something done. Which, of course, almost never happens. So few things actually get to "done". I've got heaps of unfinished floating around. So I'll just shoot for making progress. Iterate.

Student Feedback

2010-12-20T22:45:00.000-05:00

Since I tried a few silly things with my class this semester, I wrote a couple of extra questions on the end-of-the-semester evaluations to get student feedback on them. In particular, I set up homework so that students were to choose which problems to do on an individual basis, and I orchestrated a class project to write our own textbook. Overall, student feedback was not as negative as I had anticipated, which was nice. Of course, only 19 of 39 students completed the evaluation...

Homework feedback was the least negative of the two. Of the 19 responses, 11 said they liked it. Others seemed to think it was ok, but didn't provide enough structure (not unexpectedly). A handful thought it would have been better if they were given some direction of things to focus on (I still don't see, for our class, how there was that much to choose from). One student apparently initially thought they would like the setup, but ended up not. A few flat-out didn't like it. Alas. I still like the basic idea.

The project was a source of frustration for all involved, which is too bad.

I'll begin with some of their feedback. A few students noted that they liked the idea of the project (and the project itself), working together to make something other students might use. And a few said they learned some things (mostly whichever mini project they were on), even if it wasn't related to the course content as listed on the syllabus. Some students found it tedious, and busy work, and would have rathered just do more homework problems (this confuses me, because assigning problems seems like busy work to me). A couple think in-class time to work with groups would have been good, which I can definitely see. And one student's comment, about wanting to see all the work at the end, makes me think another part could be added to the assignment, in which students would present their mini project work at the end of the semester - I think this would be valuable (even if the work is all accessible on the wiki anyway).

And now, my perspective. First off, there was no point in letting this project exist for half of the semester, as almost all of the work seemed to get done on due dates, right up to the minute. Apparently about two weeks probably could have produced the same result.

One of the parts I thought would be best was the "write questions" and then "write answers to classmates questions" parts. This seemed straight-forward enough to me, and the mostly clearly useful for our course content. Questions were due in two blocks, on a couple of Friday evenings. I'd then spend the evening (my life is that exciting!) formatting things so it all looked somewhat uniform, and randomly assigning problems to students. Due dates were such that after a block of questions were written, the answers were due two weeks later. I wanted to have a quick turn-around time from problems being written to problems being assigned, so students could have more time working on well-written answers, as well as working out issues with the questions (poor wording, ambiguity, problems in the wrong sections, etc). Of course, by my previous comment, I really could have spared more time before assigning answers. And I should have, using the time to edit the questions for clarity and content, since apparently students writing answers mostly didn't feel the need to do so (despite it being written as part of the assignment). I'm also concerned that I should have tried harder to see if questions (and, later, answers) were copied from the textbook, early on in the process. And for some reason I expected all of my students to follow the guidelines about how many of which questions (difficulty/content) to write (and write them on time), so that I when I redistributed them, everybody would end up writing the same number of answers. Silly me.

Clearly that part of the project would need to be tweaked (completely dismantled and reassembled) for future use.

The other useful part of the project was the MiniProjects, which students were put into groups for, based on initial project proposals they submitted. This part of the project was intended to involve group meetings about 2-3 weeks before the semester ended so students could show me rough drafts (ideally just little issues remaining). It became clear, the week of these meetings, that only very few of the groups had done anything at all (those that had done things had done well), which was hugely frustrating. Several students came to the meetings hoping I'd tell them what do to do get started, with no ideas of their own. This was weeks after their project proposals and group assignments. Perhaps a few more meetings would have been a good idea.

Anyway, eventually a whole-book pdf was compiled by one of the groups, of all of the sections and pages of questions and answers, and lots of appendices containing the further research found as part of many of the MiniProjects. It comes out to 126 pages, of which I wrote about 35-40. I'd share the book with you, but students at UVA own the intellectual property to their work, and I clearly can't force them to give me their work so I can just post it online for free for anybody, nor would I try. However, I did tell them I'd release all of my base effort under a CC license, and told students that if they wanted to contribute their work similarly, I'd be happy to compile it. I've got signatures from 18 students that I can gather their work up into a bundle, which I fully intend to do in the coming weeks. I'm sure you'll hear more about it, if you're still reading this far into this post.

Textbook Poll Results

2010-12-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

Here are results from the first 77 responses to the textbook poll I mentioned recently. Charts are via Google's api, and numbers for the pie charts are percentages. I don't really know who ended up taking this, unfortunately, but my guess is that it is predominantly undergraduates at the University of Virginia.

How likely would you be to purchase an optional textbook for a math course, if it were a reasonable price?

One of the fill-ins was: "Only if I perceived to be beneficial to my grade."
Would you be comfortable using a student compiled textbook for a math course if your professor used it as the main textbook for the course?
If you were taking a mathematics course and your professor provided you access to a free, online textbook in addition to your regular textbook, how likely would you be to reference the additional book for extra help and problems?

With a write-in "Depends on how well I understand the respective material."
If a free digital copy of a textbook were legally available online, how likely would you be to buy a paper version?
To what extent do you use your textbook in a math course? (multiple answers allowed, counts are number of respondents). The available answers were: "I real all relevant sections", "I skim example problems", "To do extra unassigned problems", "I focus on highlighted formulas", and "Only to do assigned problems".

Also a few fill-ins:
- Whenever I find I don't understand a topic I find the book explains it in a very simple understandable way.
- To try and find lost-related Equations
- Reference tables and equations in the back of book
- never
- Paperweight
- I do not own a textbook
What changes/improvements would you like to see in how textbooks are structured?

Here's a sampling of answers:
- A couple comments about digital versions:
  - "Putting textbooks online is hard for a lot of people (including myself!) to read from"
  - "would prefer more kindle/e-reader-friendly books".
- Some about textbook usage in relation to class:
  - "Perhaps if the textbook order followed the order are curriculum is taught."
  - "Force students to use the textbook by alternating between online homework and maybe do quizzes based out of the book."
  - "More similarity between the material taught in class and the material in the textbook and more sample problems."
- Some miscellaneous comments:
- Most of the responses were about examples and solutions:
Do you have any additional comments or feedback?

A sampling:
- "The text book we have no has not helped me at all - my teacher explains everything we need to know, so the only use it has is practice problems. In the future I would suggest saving students thousands of dollars and not making a textbook mandatory"
- "Try not to use all the example problems from the text book, it takes away a student's resource if the lectures are not helping."
- "I haven't opened my textbook at all this year."
- There were also two comments about how textbooks are too expensive.
There was also a fairly lengthy response expounding on the virtues of e-books and the ePub format in particular. It mentioned how videos right in the textbook "could be a cool new way of learning mathematics." And apparently this student loves his or her iPad:

iPad and tablets will run rampant in education/academia in the next 5 years. My iPad has transformed the way I take notes, do my reading for class, organize my life, and access my material. I have never been so prepared for class in my life, I don't necessarily do anything beyond what is assigned, I just now have the time to do it on-the-go, interactively, and efficiently. It's one of those cases where I am working smarter, not harder. And I owe it all to the iPad streamlining my academic life. Textbooks are going paperless and nearly half of mine are (all on my iPad).

Perhaps the thing that struck me the most about these results were all of the comments about examples. Many students seem to want answers to all of the problems in the book, not just the odds, and also want more detailed solutions. I can certainly see the appeal of this to students, and how it might seem helpful. However, I'm not sure that it actually would be helpful. Unfortunate as it may be, struggling through problems yourself seems to me to be a better way to really learn the content, instead of relying on textbook solutions. It's too easy to get stuck, look in the back, see what was done, and then think you understand what is going on. It's the same problem one of my students mentioned this semester: students may think they understand what's going on when they are listening to me talk about examples, but then feel stumped when they get to doing problems by themselves. Certainly I'm happy to hear that things make sense when I talk about them. But if students think they understand what's going because they can follow lectures and examples in the book, they may be fooling themselves. The only test is to struggle through problems without a guide (until you really need it).

NCR Trail Marathon

2010-11-29T14:10:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday I ran the NCR Trail Marathon. I'd definitely recommend it for anybody looking for a marathon in the Baltimore area in November. It's a primarily flat course (besides the first and last mileish) on some sort of paved path (but probably more forgiving than roads), and pretty, with lots of trees and water and farms. It'd probably be even nicer when there are leaves on the trees, but still. It's basically an out-and-back, for whatever that's worth. Before I get to talking about my run (sorry), I want to thank all of the volunteers, staff, supporters, etc. You all were fantastic, and deserve medals for standing out there in the cold all that time. The aid station volunteers were great about calling out where water was, versus gatorade. And all of the cheering was wonderful; I definitely got a good boost every time. Thanks, all.

My goal going in was to qualify for Boston, requiring a 3:10:59 clock time. I wasn't really sure I could do it, though I was pretty confident I could get a 3:20. I tried not to get my hopes up too much, but couldn't really help it. I've been feeling like I've been running pretty well recently, even if I've only averaged 33 mile weeks for the past 9, topping out with one 41 mile week. My longest training run was a 2:34 21.2 miles, 3 weeks ago.

I got up in the 5 o'clock hour, dawdled for about an hour, slowly getting ready, and stressing myself out. My sister, like a champ, got up early to head out to the course with me, and we got to the Sparks Elementary School, where the start/finish are, by about 8. It's a 9am start time, which is sorta nice and late. Of course, that meant another hour of sitting around, stressing myself out. And checking out all the other runners. Oh man, that guy looks serious. Are there supposed to be holes in that guy's shirt in those places? And look at all those ultra shirts. And Boston apparel. Etc.

I started off a few rows back, worried that the trail might not be too wide, and I'd get cut off (no worries there, it's a car's width throughout). Put in a sub-6:50 first mile, and joked with the guy next to me... "just a few more of those, huh?" It was sort of fun looking at the runners around me... that guy surely is gonna blow up... I wonder if I can keep up with that guy for a few minutes. Etc.

At the first water stop I threw water at my face. Some of it made it to my mouth. The rest reminded me that it was probably not yet 40 degrees, and windy. Somehow the wind honestly managed to be against us in both directions. I'm not the only one who says so, so it must be true.

By mile 2 or 3, the pack had thinned out pretty well, and I was basically running with another guy (who I recognized from the shuttle, also trying to qualify for Boston), putting in just-faster-than-7s. Before too long he got a little lead, and I was worried about blowing up, myself, so I let him go. About the same time another guy caught up to me, and we also ran together for several miles, still putting in 7s pretty consistently. At every mile marker we'd both check our watches. I'd do a quick calculation in my head to make sure we were still on track, and he'd check a pace chart on his arm. After the first one or two, I said something about "nice pace, huh?" and he didn't respond. Headphones. Alright, fine. We must have run about 7 or 8 miles together in silence, putting in basically 7 minute miles throughout. Occasionally I'd think he was getting ahead, and I'd think, "ok, just let him go, you gotta do your own thing." And then I'd think, "see what he's got, maybe you two can push each other the whole time". And, "should he be breathing that hard if he's hoping to keep this pace for 2 more hours? Am I breathing that hard?" Somewhere along the line he dropped off behind me. So I ran on alone.

Since the course is basically an out-and-back, you see lots of mile markers, in addition to the ones that are just part of the NCR trail. I definitely got in to looking for the backs of the second-half signs, then the yellow NCR signs, and then the first-half signs (and the other order after the turn around). At some point there's a "fitness walk" along the side of the trail. 10ish stations set up with "do so-and-so exercise here". I was a little amused.

Hit the half in the 1:31 minute, a pace just over 7:00s. Then the turn around. And over the second half, somehow managed to basically keep my pace, and pass several runners. According to the results, 8 of the 10 guys who came in just after me overall were ahead of me at the half. So that was sorta nice. I'd keep seeing people ahead and think, ok, you'll just tail this guy in. And then I'd catch up. And nobody passed me. It was kinda crazy.

Somewhere around mile 18 I started hurting. I was hoping that'd hold off until 20, but there it was. Just kept telling myself I only had so much time left. And wondering if I'd hit my 3:10. I knew I was doing ok with all of the 7s I'd put in, so thought about trying to drop off to 7:15s or 7:30s consistently. But I couldn't convince myself I knew what that pace felt like, so I just kept pushing. I couldn't tell what I was running, so it was always a pleasant surprise when another mile would drop off at somewhere in the 7s.

At mile 22 I was ahead of my 21 mile training run time, feeling pretty rough, but basically optimistic. With every mile I kept saying, "ok, you could run 9s and still make 3:10", and then it was 10s... Of course, each mile the calculations got more difficult, with my mind not really sure why we were still doing this. What time was I at at the last mile? What mile am I at? Am I still running 7s, or am I at 12s? (I know that my 23rd mile was still sub-7, which still surprises me) Why is that girl running toward me smiling? (It was my sister, who had headed out for a run of her own) Is it a bad sign that my hands hurt like that?

With about a mile to go I scooped up one more runner. And saw two ahead of me. I figured they'd keep their lead, but it kept getting shorter. Coming up the final hill, a little before the final turn, the three of us were together. I feel sorta bad passing people at the end like that, but I gave it a kick to see if I had anything left (gotta do my run, not anybody else's, after all), and if they'd answer. I sorta did, and they sorta didn't. Came in at 3:04:55 clock time, 20th overall, and 5th in my age division (2 ahead of me were in the top 5 overall, so I could have picked up my 3rd place award for my group). Pretty proud of myself, if the length of this post didn't give that away. Sorry.

The folks at the end grabbed my tear-off bib number, grabbed my chip, and gave me a metal blanket and medal. I took a few more steps and plopped down in a chair. Other runners walked on by, "good run". I rarely had energy to answer. It was still cold and windy out, so I walked a little bit further down the hill, trying to make it back in to the school, but had to sit down again. My legs hurt, and with the blanket, I could just about avoid the wind. At some point while I was sitting there, my sister made it back from her run, and sat with me. She must have been cold, but she stayed with me anyway. A few more small walks and stops, and I eventually made it back into the school (cursing the whole way). Stopped right inside the doorway huddled up against a wall. One lady walked by and saw me shivering and gave me her metal blanket. I kept shivering. My sister kept chuckling. People kept walking by telling me about the hot soup just inside. Eventually I made it back onto my feet, and to the soup table. I must have looked pretty ragged; the lady seemed a bit concerned. I was shaking quite a bit, so she gave me some coffee to warm me up, and some soup. Made it to a seat at a table, and didn't get up for probably half an hour. Sat there with my sister, talking about our runs, shivering. Feeling like the other runners didn't look nearly as rough as I felt. The soup really was quite good. And my sister was awesome.

I think it was probably about 45 minutes after I stopped running that I finally stopped shivering. Sorta makes me think probably I gave just about all I could to the run, which is a good feeling. I definitely don't think I could have done any better. And now I guess I start looking forward to Boston :) Of course, there's an ultra in March I've got my eyes on...

A Textbook Poll

2010-11-28T21:15:00.000-05:00

In association with my class project of making our own book, one of my students has made a quick poll about textbooks. If you are a student, or wouldn't mind sharing this with any you know, we'll be happy to have your feedback. So, if you've got a minute,

Take The Poll!

Well, In My Defense...

2010-11-21T22:08:00.002-05:00

I gave my Ph.D. thesis defense the other day. It's sort of an odd thing to call it a defense, for a math paper. You argue in the humanities (I think, I haven't spent much time there). In math, you're just presenting facts, it's (sorta) the nice thing about math. Well, that's the ideal, I guess. There were certainly some weak joints in my work, but, as expected, people didn't have enough time to really stress about them. Which is nice.

When the thesis committee told me they were allowed to torture me with questions after everybody left, I told them, "knock yourselves out." Got a little chuckle. One professor asked what the hardest part was. I had wondered if somebody would. The hardest part was convincing myself it was worth doing --- was more worth doing than the other things I wanted to be doing. Luckily, he extended his question a little before I got to it (besides a grin), and I ended up just telling him about what math took the longest to piece together. The same professor asked if I was going to do anything with this later, that it would require some re-writing. I told him I had no intent of doing much with it, but that it would be freely available online, and he could do with it as he liked. He also said they could send me some changes that I should make. I guess when I said "whatever flips your switch", he realized I didn't care much to do them, and he, appropriately, didn't care enough to send the suggested changes to me. I didn't make any comments about how they were still allowed to make me jump through hoops, which is a little too bad.

The talk itself was fun. I do enjoy giving math talks, especially when I understand what I'm talking about. Threw in a couple jokes, got a few chuckles, put at least one professor to sleep. All in a day. I've got some notes about the presentation itself on my other blog. Or you can poke around the thesis material at my homepage.

So that means I'm nearly done. Still some administrative nonsense to do. And still a few weeks of "teaching". But nearly there.

A Homework Experiment

2010-11-14T19:17:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of the semester I decided to try something new with homework. Basically, students were supposed to do as many problems as they thought necessary to get the understanding of the material that they desired. If a student notices that there are essentially one or two types of problems in a section (as is frequently the case with our textbook), they probably don't need to do many problems. Other students might require more practice to feel comfortable with material. I gave them the responsibility of deciding for themselves how much to do.

Each week, students turned in a sheet saying which problems they did, how they would grade their own understanding, what major and minor issues they had, any questions they had, and a "well-written" solution to one problem. Grading has been pretty easy, and I've basically just graded on completion. It's been nice to get questions on homework (and respond with individual answers), and to see students evaluating their own mistakes. Quality of "well-written" solutions varied a bit, but I did see many good ones.

Our first exam really didn't go so great, even though I hadn't seen many students rate their own understanding on homeworks much below a B. I think this was partially due to this relaxed structure of homework. After the exam I asked the students to tell me (anonymous feedback was fine) if they wanted to see anything change to make the class better for them, and I never heard anything. Our second exam, last week, went a bit better, and I like to think perhaps study habits had improved.

Anyway, part of what I wanted to see, doing homework this way, was if there was a relationship between number of problems done for homework and exam scores. I've been keeping track of how many problems each student did each week (probably miscounting slightly occasionally), and so after this last exam I broke out gnumeric. In the name of privacy (thanks to those in my twitter/facebook network for their thoughts here), I varied each point by some random small perturbation, and have removed axes labels and scales, with the following result:

The x-axis is number of problems done, and the y-axis is the sum of the two exam grades divided by the sum of the two best possible exam grades. It's nice to see that the linear fit has a positive slope, at least. The correlation coefficient for the actual scores was about 0.23, so not so great. What I find slightly interesting is that it just about looks like (and does in the actual scores too) there are 3 clusters... a large collection on the left, another 8 there in the middle, and 3 more at the end who did lots of problems.

I know it wasn't particularly scientific, or rigorous, but that's what I've got. I never told the students I was collecting this data (I'll show this to them in class tomorrow), in hopes that they wouldn't be just making up how much they did, but it's still a possibility. I almost wish I'd kept track of the scores students gave themselves, but it's too late now.

Speaking of class tomorrow, I better go sort out what we're doing...

Class Project

2010-09-27T21:09:00.000-04:00

We're making a textbook. Or at least we're going to try.

On Friday I told my class I wanted to do a class project, where we all work together making a textbook. I told them I thought it would be fun and interesting and worthwhile. I told them that in addition to writing problems and solutions, like a textbook should have, they would also get to do something fun, of their own choosing, to make it a good project. I told them they had the weekend to think about it, and that we'd talk about it in class today. Attendance was unexpectedly low today, but the impression I got was that the majority of those in attendance were for the project. So we're going to try it.

The course I'm teaching is "Financial Math", and the textbook that has been used for this class in previous semesters, as decided by somebody else in the department some time in the past, is The Mathematics of Interest Rates and Finance, by Guthrie and Lemon (covering, approximately, chapters 1-6). I'm not a huge fan of this book, and I don't really hide that from my students. Rumor was that the department was considering finding a different book for this semester. I don't know how hard they looked, but we're using this book again. I'm pretty sure it's not because this is the best book we could be using. But what do I know. Anyway, the point is, this book is the basis for the course, and so will be the inspiration, if you will, for the book my class puts together.

I've been typing up my notes as I go, so I've got an outline and first draft of content for the first few chapters, so far. I told my students I'd write the first draft of the remaining content as well. There will be 3 parts of the project, from the perspective of it being a graded assignment. First, students will be put into groups and required to edit a few sections. I'm not much of a writer (in case you hadn't noticed), and I've done basically no editing of what I've written, so that'll be an important task. Next up, they will have to write some problems, and then I'll have them also write solutions for somebody else's problems. Finally, the fun part. They're to come up with a "mini project" that they want to do to make the book better. I've suggested things like:

making diagrams, charts, graphics to accompany the text
writing sections on using calculators, or spreadsheets
writing historical or real-world content
convert everything to other digital formats

But I'm hoping they come up with more. Things they actually want to do. I'm curious to see what they come up with. I told them to dream big, and don't worry if it was too big (we can trim it to something manageable for the purposes of grading). It'll be good to have ideas bouncing around.

The overall organization of this is still coming together. There's a bit of work that seems to need to happen on my end to get things off the ground. Next week we've got a midterm, and then we've got a little fall break, so hopefully by the time we return, in just over 2 weeks, things will be all organized for the class.

I've been LaTeXing my notes, but it seems like using the wiki feature of our course management system thanger will make it the most easy to access and keep together for everybody. So I dropped all of my current sections into the wiki. I cleaned up the first one a little, so it's now wiki-formatted, instead of LaTeX, and was working on the second section when I realized that I could just make this part of the editing they're supposed to do anyway :) Give them some experience using wikis. I may do a quick tutorial in class at some point, if we've got time. I'll aim to get first drafts of the remaining sections written quickly, so that students can start editing and writing problems and things when we get back from break.

I decided that since there are 5-6 chapters, depending on how I organize things, for the problem/solution writing portion of the project, they can just write one problem/solution per chapter. I'll have to decide how to organize who does solutions for which problems, but I figure I've got a little time in that regard.

For the mini projects, I decided to make them write a (brief, informal) proposal for what they want to do. I made it due next week, which gives me a week to look at them during break (while I'm grading exams, writing the remaining sections, oh, and that thesis thing...). I'm guessing there will be some overlap among projects, so they might end up getting grouped. And it will hopefully give me a chance to make sure everybody is doing "enough", or at least comparable amounts. I told them if they had "big" ideas, and people to work with, their mini project could be in groups. There might be some students who don't want to come up with anything - I told them they'd be assigned a project (possibly just writing more problems/solutions).

When I get carried away, I dream that this project could all come together to something beautiful and useful by the end of the semester (I think some students may be thinking like this too!). That maybe the department would start using it. That maybe folks outside of the department could get something out of it. In the discussions in class, I've told them how I think it would be great to release it as a fairly open project, like under a permissive creative commons license. In class today, I told them to assume they're working on a project that will be released fairly openly, and that if they were opposed to this they should email me or send anonymous feedback. They can still work on things and get their grade, I just wouldn't include their work in a release version (kinda tricky for "editing"... I'm hoping this doesn't come up). I also told them that I wasn't sure what the University would think about such a project, or about such a project being released however we want. Maybe they'll claim it, or restrict how we can distribute it. I'm probably going to go for a "beg forgiveness" approach, instead of "ask permission". I took a quick look online, but didn't find anything about university policies that seemed applicable. Presumably I'm being irresponsible... it's not the first time.

So, anyway. Could be fun. Could be disappointing. Will almost certainly be more work than I've considered. Hopefully we make something useful...

If you've got comments, feedback, or suggestions, I'd love to hear it. I'm sorta making this all up as I go. If you'd like to pre-order your copy today... :) I jest. Mostly. (drop a comment, you might inspire my class)

Choose Life. Choose a Job. Choose a Career.

2010-09-04T17:44:00.000-04:00

This is my last semester as a graduate student, I'm moving on to a "real job." I may graduate. I may not. I basically don't care much either way, at this point. My job offer doesn't depend on my having a Ph.D., and I don't see a future for myself where a Ph.D. is required. Perhaps I'll get fired in short order and will have neither a Ph.D. nor experience/recommendation. I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. I'll feel bad if I don't get my advisor a thesis after all he's done, but hopefully if that happens he'll at least be closer to a paper.

This summer I did an internship as a software developer at Rosetta Stone, where I had a great time. I was on a team full of good people, all easy to work with (the impression I got was that such people were all over the place at Rosetta Stone). During this time I worked on an Adobe AIR application described by my boss at an executive-summary level as a "Fancy Tape Recorder." There was already some work done on it when I came in and, with my fellow intern, I think we got things to a pretty reasonable state by the end of the summer.

I enjoyed my time at Rosetta Stone, and the team I was on seemed to think I was doing good work. At the end of the summer, I submitted an application for full-time employment, and eventually an offer was extended to me. In the mean time, I had also applied to Telogis Research, in New Zealand. I would have gone in a heartbeat, but apparently didn't do well enough on my phone interview. Ah well. At least I had fun with their quiz. The third and final place I applied was CCRi, here in Charlottesville.

After a terribly uncertain week, with lots of lying in bed pondering and not being able to fall asleep, and some last minute craziness (apologies to all involved), I'm finally sorted. CCRi gave an offer I'm pretty excited about, and so I'm going to see what happens there.

I'm quite nervous about it, to be honest, and that's why I was leaning to Rosetta Stone for a while. At CCRi, I'll be a systems engineer. I don't even exactly know what that is. I don't remember the last class I was in that had much to do with applications. As they pointed out during my interview, they've got a lot they need me to learn. I hope I wasn't too far off in my claim that after all this time in school, as student and as teacher, I can learn quickly and effectively. If not, I'm potentially looking at that no job + no phd bridge in short order.

Additionally, I'll need to get a security clearance. Hopefully not much of an issue, but it will mean giving up being an Australian citizen, apparently. And I just got my passport :-(. Ah well. It's been pointed out to me that there are plenty of nice places in the States to live. And it's not like I couldn't go visit. And, since Telogis didn't take me, how likely was it I was heading that way soon anyway? Life was bound to get in the way sooner or later. Still, it's a bummer dude.

So I'm not sure what will happen with this blog. My math fork is already a bit neglected. I guess this has always just been a personal ranting blog anyway, so probably it'll stick around. As this is my last semester teaching, I probably won't have too much more to say about textbooks or institutionalized education (maybe just a little bit as the semester rolls on :)). I'll keep my eye on the space, and I do believe there will be interesting developments there in the next few years (they're happening already). But for now, it looks like I'm out. Off to other things.

Choose rottin' away at the end of it all...

New Homework

2010-08-23T19:18:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking about trying something new with homework this semester. The goal is to have students evaluate their own understanding, and have each individual decide how much they need to do in order to attain the understanding they desire. So each week I will tell them to work on particular sections. What they will turn in to me will be something like the following

I attempted problems: (list of problems)
Overall (or perhaps per section), I would rate my understanding at: (letter)
I had the following minor issues: (list of problem with issue, things like... algebra/computational mistake, counting mistake,...)
I had larger issues with: (list of problems, with work, and a description of the issue - couldn't start, got so far but didn't know what to do next, finished but got the wrong answer and don't understand why)
Here's a well-written (sentences, little algebra) solution to problem X: (well-written solution).

As far as grading goes, I will probably do something like check for completion - is the student showing me evidence that they are thinking about the problems outside of class? Perhaps I'll use a 0 (didn't turn anything in), 1 (didn't spend more than 5 minutes on what they turned in), 2 (gave it an honest attempt).

There's certainly lots of potential for students to not take this seriously. To some extent, I'm willing to let them, basically. If they choose to not think about the course material, they can see what happens when an exam comes. If they do fine on the exam, so be it. I'm not here to do much for the students who don't need me for help (ok, whatever, I should try to challenge everybody?). I could also use quizzes to see if students claimed understanding is accurate.

So we'll see how that goes, I guess.

Netflix History

2010-08-15T16:39:00.000-04:00

I'm in my 6th straight year of my Netflix subscription. I decided to see my complete history, and found that I've gotten approximately 600 movies through Netflix. A quick average tells me that's 100 movies each year, or about 1 movie every 3.5 days. That's nearly turn-around time for mailing movies. Since I'm currently on the 1-at-a-time, 2-per-month plan, I was kinda surprised. But I guess that's how averages go. In my most prolific month, I returned 20 movies. I was probably on the 5-at-a-time plan then.

Not that it's particularly useful, but I made a chart with the google chart api, showing (to first approximation) the number of movies I got each month. Basically I love coming up with excuses to play with the chart api. Anyway, here it is (even if some of the alignment isn't exactly right):

Colorado Hiking

2010-08-05T21:44:00.003-04:00

Just got back from a great hiking trip in Colorado. I got to go with my best friend, Peter, whose parents live near Boulder and were great to us (Thanks you two!). It even sounds like they might not mind if I go back next year! Sweet!

We arrived in Denver in the late evening on Friday, and I don't remember doing much before bedtime. All of the evenings were pretty relaxed, sitting around eating and drinking, wandering around whichever town we were in at the time. Combined with hiking and running, there probably aren't many better ways to spend your time (though, of course, some dawdling around online doesn't hurt).

Saturday we woke up and Peter took me for a run of a few miles, to start getting used to altitude. Peter always kicks my ass running, and makes it look easy. I'm just happy he'll humor me with a run occasionally. It was a fairly flat route (east of the "Front Range", everything is pretty flat), but I certainly remember one hill (which might not even qualify as such in Charlottesville) in particular, and trying to catch my breath for a while. After we got back, we (me, Peter, and his dad, Gary - the same combo for all the hikes) headed out to NCAR (National Center for Atmospheric Research) for a hike up Bear's Peak. Actually, we were going to do South Boulder Peak, but there was maybe some map mis-reading, and it was on the other side of what we were anticipating, I guess. Still, it was a fun hike. Scrambling up rocks, lots of nice views, and more getting used to altitude. It was a... 6ish, let's say, mile hike with something like 2000' elevation gain, ending up in the 9000s. Good times. This was also our only hike without rain.

Sunday we got up and headed out past Rollinsville along a 7 mile or so dirt road to the trailhead for a hike up to Heart Lake. I think this hike came in closer to 8 miles, started around 9k, and finished up around 11k ft or so. I could be mistaken. It was a much easier, technically, hike than Bear's Peak, and gorgeous. Maybe someday I'll be in shape and go back to run the road and also the trail. Someday. Around the time we got the top, it started to drizzle, and it just kept raining harder the whole way down. By the end it was pouring, and lightning was getting pretty close (2 one-thousand ish). I regretted not bringing more of a change of clothes (or leaving clothes in the car - my pack wasn't exactly waterproof), but once Peter sorted out the heat in the car, things were looking better. We stopped in Rollinsville looking for a cup of coffee, but didn't have much luck. We did, however, catch guys with pistols and shotguns standing around the parking lot (we're talking right outside the store) shooting at birds. I don't think I'd last long in Rollinsville on my own. We drove to Nederlands for coffee, and it seemed like a cool little place.

Monday we took it pretty easy. Another half hour run with Peter, and his dad this time, to start the day, then we headed out to Golden (where Coors is made, or so), Red Rocks, and some nearby dinosaur tracks. I think it was this day that I started noticing more how brown everything was. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just a change from Virginia (I guess that's sorta part of the point of travel, huh? the change?). Apparently at Red Rocks people like to exercise, among all the stairs. You can run back and forth along the rows of seats; apparently getting 4 miles in without hardly changing your geographical coordinates. Watching everybody, I got pretty tempted to just try bounding up the rows of the stadium. Eventually I decided on a 'next time' approach. After all, we were resting up for our big hike the next day, Long's Peak.

Monday night we went to bed early. It's what you gotta do when you're going to wake up at 1 in the morning. Out the door at 1:30, then a bit of a drive, and on the trail by 3am. This out and back hike is something like 15 miles with 5000' of elevation change, ending above 14000'. Long's Peak, I hear, is the only "14er" in the Rocky Mountain National Park. I also hear it's one of, if not the most, hiked 14er (at least, the Keyhole route that we took), but that only 3 in 10 who try it successfully summit.

So anyway, starting at 3am, there's not much to see for a while. Just hiking along with headlamps on, seeing the first 20 feet, or whatever, of trees on either side of the trail. When we popped out above the tree line, it was still dark. However, the moon was half-full (half-empty?), and I found that it provided plenty of light to see by. We had a gorgeous view of the stars, and even saw a few shooting stars. I was feeling a little dizzy, and couldn't decide if it was the altitude or possibly just something strange with walking with your main light source being a headlamp. I felt a little better when I turned of my headlamp, but the dizzy didn't entirely go away. Probably I just started focusing even more on walking and staying upright, and didn't have as much time to notice the dizzy.

The keyhole route has a handful of landmarks. After you get above the tree line (a bit further than that, even), you come to a Boulder Field, where people camp, and there's some toilets. There are also marmots - always handy to have around for a Lebowski reference. From here you can see the summit basically (though not the route you'll take to get there), and the Keyhole. After the Keyhole comes, if I remember correctly, the Ledge (across, scary), the Trough (up, scary), the Narrows (across, scary), and the Homestretch (up, scary). You'll notice a theme here. At several points I considered telling Peter and his dad I was just going to sit tight and wait for them on their way back down. I kept plodding along though, happy to tell anybody who asked that I was terrified. Peter was worried I was getting mad at him for "making" me do this, but I was far to scared for that. And also too scared to notice much trouble with the elevation. Sure, I got out of breath, but not too bad.

You're welcome to call me a wuss, I don't care. I was scared. Death was quite honestly a possibility (indeed, it has happened to many on this mountain). All it would have taken was one wrong step. I wondered if there was any way I'd be able to catch Peter's (or his dad's) arm if he fell. Lacking anything like upper-body strength, I knew it wouldn't go well. We're all glad it didn't come to that.

We made it to the top around 8:30am. I sat around telling Peter and his dad that there was no way off this rock besides a helicopter. And I wasn't sure they'd be able to make it that high. Eventually (9ish) they decided it was time to head down. "Just take it easy, slide down on your butt", I was told. Of course, everything I know (nothing) says that sliding is exactly what you don't want to do. Despite all of my fears, down was, quite honestly, easier. I'm not here to ponder why (and why would you listen to me anyway?), but it was. Still scary, of course, but manageable.

We were back in the Boulder Field around noon, but decided (mostly) to not stop for lunch because the clouds were clearly starting to form. We wondered a little how the rest of the hike would go for the lady who happily professed that she was "Too f*ing old for this s*" when we passed her on our way down and her way up. Or the couple with their infant (seriously). I hardly wanted to be up there when the clouds weren't there. Perhaps lacking the panoramic view of everything (the cliff a step away) makes it easier, but I doubt it.

As we descended, I was looking forward to getting pictures of the "Alpine fields" we had walked through in the dark, and the forest further down. But right behind us was a rapidly growing, and darkening, storm cloud. Our pace quickened. And paused so we could take pictures, or just gaze around, check our packs for... whatever. And then quickened some more as the lightning and thunder built up. We were still above the tree line (and 2.5ish miles from the parking lot). While I appreciated being tall and lanky during other parts of the hike (scrambling over boulders and trying to make my way up the mountain), I no longer appreciated being the tallest thing around. Peter was behind me on the trail, so slightly higher still, but that wasn't much help. As we were about getting to the tree line, the hail started. I wondered about tornadoes, but couldn't quite believe they'd occur "at elevation". The lightning was more worrying. Eventually I pulled off the trail underneath a tree and next to a rock. Even after Peter said that's not what you're supposed to do, we stayed for a few moments. People passed us, just ambling down the trail, so we decided to go as well.

Eventually the storm calmed down, and I could start feeling the tired in my legs and feet again. The white of the hail all over the ground made everything fairly pretty, even if it was a little hard to appreciate, being a bit cold and wet. We made it back to the parking area, and changed into dry clothes, by about 3pm - 12 hours, 15 miles, and 5000' of elevation gain after our start. Good times.

When we got back and settled and fed and warm, we all started looking around for articles or trip reports about hikes from the day. Apparently the day we hiked was the 50th anniversary of the first successful summit attempt along a particular route (and by a math Ph.D. no less!). I didn't see many other articles. Now, a few days later, Peter and his dad have found some articles about another hiker who's trip didn't go as well as ours. I hope he recovers quickly. And I hope that everybody else on the mountain that day (and others, of course), made it home safely.

Wednesday was another relaxed day, and the day of my flight home. It didn't seem like the end of my trip, though. The flight was scheduled for 6:10pm departure, with arrival in BWI around midnight. We left at least an hour and a half late, due to weather, and got to Baltimore around 1:30am. Then the drive to Peter's place, and I was probably in bed by around 3am. Back up at 5 for work today. I can't say today was my most productive day of programming :) But I did stay awake the whole time, so I consider it a success. And I made it home, and my cats even seem basically happy to see me. So I guess now my trip is done, even if I'm not unpacked.

My pictures are posted (Warmup Hikes and Long's Peak). My memories are written. And my last dose of caffeine is wearing off. So it's bed time.

Some trail wisdom, straight from Sir:

It's always raining somewhere.

Take it easy.

Update 20100807: Peter posted his pictures.
Update 20100808: Gary's pictures and trip report.

Super Troopers

2010-05-11T20:16:00.000-04:00

Super Troopers is one of my favorite movies. At some point recently I decided it was time to watch the Broken Lizard collection again. Then a friend pointed out their most recent just came out. So it's been a good time for movies recently.

As I was sitting down to watch Super Troopers, I thought up a fun project: try to pick a single frame "for" the movie. I haven't really been able to further describe what I mean... "advertising" the movie doesn't quite cut it, nor does "capturing", entirely. But something like that. So I pulled out a couple, and thought I'd share them. That's what the ends of semesters are for, right? Movies? I guess exam time was always Dr. Mario time when I was a student...

I've put a good line with most of the frames. It's not always the line going on in the frame, but it's nearby.

A friend who has seen the movie many times (perhaps not particularly recently) suggested the following from memory:

"Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you?"

Another friend, who hasn't seen it quite so frequently, picked out the following scene (I grabbed what seemed a good frame to me):

"Good enough for me!"

There's a lot of magic in the first scene, but I'm not sure I found a particularly great frame. From it, I picked out:

"What'd you say man?"

Of course, one of the most-quoted lines, I expect comes at the burger joint:

"I don't want a large Farva."

But a good frame should probably be a little independent of the lines it suggests. There's a fair amount of humor tucked in this frame, but it might be a bit buried:

"Ten deep breaths, I got it 'cap."

This one's a little bit more obviously funny:

"Okee silly dilly dokey oh, I'm an idiot."

As is this one:

"Finish it up, rook."

I also like frames with the group, in uniform, but not looking particularly official, like:

"It's really funny 'cap. It's Afghanistanimation."

or

"Maybe we should take another look."

I think if somebody made me pick a single frame, it might just be this last one.

Apparently my point is you should probably just go watch it. And maybe let me know what frame(s) you'd pick.

Finishing Up

2010-05-11T18:55:00.000-04:00

Still have one student that needs to take a make-up final, but I'm basically done for the semester. I all honesty, I probably checked out a few weeks ago. I've got something like a vaguely un-scheduled week ahead of me (besides a Flying Karamazov Brothers show!), until a math conference in Georgia in the second half of next week. People tell me it'll be good to go. That remains to be seen. And basically as soon as I get back, I start a summer programming internship at Rosetta Stone. Could be something. So with my loose week, I just gotta bang out a thesis so I don't have to come back in the fall...

Err, right. So this post was supposed to be about thoughts about my class this semester. Things that went well (it ended). Things that went poorly (the other parts). Things to do differently next time (next time‽). Something I can look back on in the fall for guidance.

So... reading assignments with homework due before we talked about it in class didn't go hugely well. I stand by the method. But I've also been reading about how homework itself, as a graded assignment, sucks (maybe start at joebower.org if you want to follow along at home), so I'm a little torn. Halfway through the semester I switched to the following setup: read the book for Tuesday, and submit a "discussion seed" based on the reading, as your homework assignment for Tuesday. I then used the those discussion seeds as what I brought up in class Tuesday, and then had written problems due Thursday. Seemed to go fairly ok, as a setup. Basing class time on questions students had actually submitted seemed like sort of a fun idea. Having the questions as a Google Docs presentation seemed to work ok.

My students really seemed intrigued when I showed actual housing cost data, so I should work to bring more actual data into my classroom. I was also thinking it might be cool to have guest speakers, maybe from banking or realty. Perhaps I'll look into that more for next semester. Probably the best thing about this class is that students can actually mostly see it as something useful. Putting money in an account, saving up... sorta easy to relate to, I think. There's some amount of intrinsic motivation there, if I can just capture it.

One important thing I didn't know going in to the semester was what sorts of students took the course. It's a 100-level course; I was expecting mostly freshman and sophomores. No dice. Probably half of my class was graduating seniors, many of whom already probably knew basically all of the material. I sorta have a hard time believing these students should actually be allowed to take this course... this is part of the stupid game I hate about education when I think about it these days. I had friends in undergrads who, as graduating actuarial science seniors, took 100-level "finite math" sorts of classes. This seems like what sorta happened with the class I taught this semester. The impression I get is that many of them were then upset with the class for being boring. What the hell do you want from me? Other students, in the last few days, have mentioned that they thought I did well trying to balance for these students along with those who actually didn't know much of the material coming in. I think it helps that mostly the students who didn't need to be there stopped showing up.

Another thing I didn't know coming in was the content of the course. I was reading the book along with the students. Turns out, there's very little material. In a few-minute wrapup I did on the last day, I told my students how essentially we did one thing all semester: move money around on a timeline. Compound interest is just iterated simple interest. Bank discount interest is just simple interest from a different perspective. Annuities formulas are just conveniences for dealing with many things moving around at compound interest. And that's all we did. I'm a little curious to see if I could teach all of the formulas in a week or two. Knowing this, I intend to go faster next semester and cover more material. I think this should help with some of the boredom issue.

I'm toying with the idea of using next semester, when I'll likely be teaching the course again, as a chance to have the students write their own textbook. There were enough errors and oddities in the textbook we did use, I have a hard time believing we couldn't do better. We'll do a big collaborative project, as the entire class, writing a book. I think a project like this could be good for having students involved and interested. I also think it should be a good way for students to learn the material - you learn best by teaching. And, finally, I think we could make a pretty decent book.

Each semester we math grad students are given a teaching request form, where we get to request what to teach the following semester. Basically it's one of the four calculus sections (two levels of calc 1 and calc 2), and then occasionally this financial math course, or a calc 3. On my form, I requested to teach this financial math class again. A friend thought I was joking when I told her. My advisor asked if I was a masochist. I think, having gone through it once, the next time can't help but go better, which will be nice. I know the material now, and might not be quite as caught off guard by my class being mostly seniors. Also, the class has no emphasis on algebra, my current frustration with calculus courses. I do need to try to design better assignments that have students explain their work more, but hopefully I can sort something out. Writing a book should be good for that.

Anyway, I'm off. Take 'er easy.

Teaching

2010-04-19T22:36:00.000-04:00

I've started thinking that, perhaps, I don't actually enjoy teaching. Which is to say, there seems to be quite a bit about being a teacher that I really don't care for. Or I'm doing it wrong. Perhaps this is just how it all goes... nothing's perfect, right?

I love learning (my own, I'm not sure I can sense others'). I love reading. I think I enjoy meeting with individuals, or with small groups, who are truly motivated to learn something that I can help with. Not motivated in the sense of finishing an assignment, but in understanding material for understanding-sake. Perhaps it's content I already know, or something I can join them in learning. That might just be where my joy in teaching ends. Sadly, this doesn't seem like much of what school is (or, like I said, I'm doing it wrong).

I want to help individuals learn something that they are interesting in learning. I have no interest in talking to a classroom full of students about things few of them care about. I have no interest in trying to motivate them to care. I have a hard enough time with my own motivation to encourage others in that regard. And, looking back, I know that when I was a student, I didn't care about most of my classes, and don't expect I was interested in being told I should care. I didn't try to learn the material for its intrinsic value. This is especially true outside of math and computer science, but I expect even in some of those classes I was just getting through assignments (at least sometimes). Now that I'm about done with taking school, I'm finally ready to learn just about anything.

Probably I should just suck it up. There are always at least a few students who are paying attention, who are learning something, right? I should focus on them, right? I should figure out how to make things so exciting that people just can't help themselves but want to learn? I should continue giving homework and exams and playing the grading game, without it helping my students much at all. I should humor the notion, hinted at by award nominations, that I'm a "good teacher", despite knowing that I'm hardly doing anybody much good.

I should continue playing this game.

But I think I've realized about myself that I don't like other people's games. I like my own games. I think I might go find some of those...

A Smile

2010-04-05T18:54:00.000-04:00

As my amused smile
turned full-face grin
staring at my plate
I hated her for making it so

I couldn't look up
I knew I'd see
Her smile.
Her eyes on mine.
His smile.

It's ok to smile
I told myself
and never came
her sass about it

The mistakes I've made.

=========
Sorry usual readers. Back to my usual confused rants with the next post, surely. I reckon this one at least fits the "confused" trend.

Textbooks

2010-03-19T20:34:00.000-04:00

(begin rant)

Two days ago, an email went around the math department here indicating that the higher ups were thinking about changing calculus textbooks, and that there would be a meeting today to talk about it. The meeting was essentially a presentation from a salesman from the textbook company about how great the new textbook is. A few minutes of discussion before-hand, and a comment that those making the change (I'm pretty sure it's a foregone conclusion) would hear our thoughts on the matter. I sorta felt, leaving the meeting, that we'd get a somewhat formal (at least an email) request for comments. Now, a few hours later, I'm guessing we wont. In fact, they probably just signed a contract while the guy was here today.

Sorry, I'm a bit cynical.

Before I go on, I'm probably supposed to make some disclosures. I have at times made (and am currently making) money doing things associated with the Webwork online homework system (admin, library tending). I grew up on Stewart's textbook (used it as a student, and it's what UVA has been using since before I got here). The textbook we are thinking about switching to (like, apparently, everybody else considering switching textbooks) is Briggs and Cochran. At the meeting today, I got a free copy. They also gave us an access code to their online software, MyMathLab.

In all fairness, the new book looks fine. It looks like basically every other recently-released calculus textbook I've looked at (don't take that to mean I've looked at a lot, of for large amounts of time). There are lots of pretty pictures, and apparently the author(s) are big on geometric intuition, which is great. We were also told to be impressed that in the worked examples, each step was given a little explanation. And, gosh, isn't this something amazing, the authors organized the problems at the end of each section carefully. We were told several times that this was not a lower level book, clearly something the publishers are worried about people thinking. It is, as @MitchKeller opined about the projects it has, "a bit hand-holdy".

Oh, and there'll be a new edition along every 3 years.

Of course, the textbook by itself isn't, I expect, what people are all giddy about. The textbook is paired up with MyMathLab. You can make online homework assignments and quizzes. There are little tools for the students to use to get help, like looking at worked examples, looking at a digital copy of the textbook, and probably some others I forgot. Students can also see a little "Study Guide", a sort of summary of what sorts of problems they missed, so they would know what to go back and look at. Oh, and some large collection of those pretty pictures in the text are pretty animations (calculus being about change, we were reminded by the salesman) in the MyMathLab system.

Students have the option to not buy the physical book (at least, in theory, who knows what our goofy school will require), and instead spend somewhat less and just use the e-book in MyMathLab. I seem to recall the e-book being in the $70 range, the first year textbook in the $90s, and the 3 semester book in the $130s, +$6 for the MyMathLab software if you buy the textbook. These numbers might all be before bookstore markup (we were also told to be pleased that the UVA bookstore markup of ~25% is really low... go team!), and we were told that these prices are cheaper than Stewart. The presenter today did this cute thing where he pretended not to already know the price of the books, and looked them up online.

Digital rights management didn't really come up at the meeting today, and I'm ashamed that I didn't bring it up.

Quite honestly, it seems like a not entirely bad thing. Switching textbooks isn't the worst thing we could do. Like I said on twitter after the meeting, though, it feels like shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic.

If I were given freedom to set up the course however I wanted, I wouldn't require that my students purchase this, or any other, textbook. There are simply too many free resources online for me to justify requiring students to spend that money. If students want to buy the book, or the software (more accurately: access (likely temporary) to it), good for them. Go for it. But if a student would rather use their brother's old textbook, say, or the free ones they find online, that's fine too. If instructors are going to lecture (I generally do, more than I'd like), many students can likely get by on class notes (their own, or a friend's), maybe in combination with some office hours.

Sure, the pictures in the book were nice. And the animations. But there are plenty of calculus animations online (I'm not gonna google that for you). In fact, I could roll my own (and have, happily), and would be delighted to teach students to do so as well. It'd be awesome to talk to students about pictures during class, draw them on the board, and then have them make a digital version of the picture, or an animation (for the ambitious) (and release them all under a CC license, wouldn't that be a fun thing to talk about in class). Heck, why not have the calc students write a book, complete with pictures? Write about the things they got hung up on, and what got them over it. Make a wiki. The instructor likely has access to several textbooks. Use them to put together an outline for the semester. Lecture if you want, or tell them to go see what they can learn online or at the library (then use class time to synthesize what was found). Looking up resources online, you also get to talk about evaluating resources, and how to compare different sources. You can build up a big huge list, and have students rate each source (and share your result with... everybody!).

And as for step-by-step explanations, WolframAlpha jumps to mind, but there are certainly others (I'm not gonna google that for you either). Don't like W|A's solution to a problem (they can be a bit... pedantic)? Have students talk about improvements. This also points out that those problems are pointless anyway. A computer does them more quickly and more accurately, so let it. Let's work on understanding concepts, instead of continuing to test pointless algebra tricks. Use the time that we're not doing mechanical manipulations to come to the geometric understanding slowly, guiding students to discover it for themselves.

Webwork has, for me, done a perfectly adequate job as an online homework system. If UVA doesn't think the problem library is nice enough, of the interface good enough, perhaps they should invest some money in improving it (I know they (at least, Dr. Jeff Holt, through a grant) have to some extent, and also that there is money floating around). Then even more people benefit (webwork is open source), and UVA gets some nice credibility. Webwork can do most of the things the guy today tried to sell us on for online assignments, though it's interface might not be as gosh durn pretty. It will not show students which section from the book they missed problems on (it's not tied to any one book). But I don't really see the problem here. I think it would be a great exercise to teach students how to evaluate for themselves which sections they need to look at.

I know I'm not going on much but youthful optimism and naivety. It's not the first time, nor likely the last. I have no expectation at all that the powers that be will take my thoughts seriously. At least here I can pretend that my thoughts are worthwhile (thanks Blogger). I'm leaving after next year anyway, and have seen no evidence (I suppose I haven't asked) that the younger grad students think like I do. I should probably just let it go (until I'm at another school). [As I was writing this post, I decided to email the math grads, to see if they'd like more flexibility in their teaching.]

All I want is for the department to allow instructors to try something different. Let us not require our students to purchase the (any) textbook. Get out of the publisher's pointless "new edition" cycle

Think about dropping the heavy emphasis on algebra.

(end rant (for now))

Thoughts on "Dehumanized"

2010-03-10T21:24:00.006-05:00

You should go read "Dehumanized: When math and science rule the school." Even if you've read it before, and even if it was recently, go read it again. Perhaps a few times.

In this essay, Mark Slouka expresses disappointment that education is being "retooled... into an adjunct of business" at the expense of the arts and humanities.

This is certainly a fair thing to be disappointed about.

I've never really been "in to" the humanities. I don't remember ever much caring about my history classes, or social studies. I don't think I took many literature classes, and can't say I feel like I got much out of any that I did take. I blame nobody but myself, of course. While reading "Dehumanized" I became convinced that I have seriously missed out. It's sad that now, age 26, supposedly 1 year away from a Ph.D., I'm finally ready to go to school.

I do not agree with everything in the article, though. Throughout, Slouka seems to wish that civics were the highest goal of education. I'm not sure I see why this should be. Of course, I'm pretty sure I don't even know "what" this would be, so I don't have much basis for argument. But I think many of the goals Slouka advocates, with the apparent intention of improving individuals as citizens, are goals I do agree with.

Slouka asks, "What do we teach, and why?" Clearly a fantastic question. He even provides some answers: "whatever contributes to the development of autonomous human beings", "in order to expand the census of knowledgeable, reasoning, independent-minded individuals." I like those answers, even if Slouka seems to want these things for the purpose of "the political life of the nation." I guess I feel like I want these things for the individual, and those around the individual. Perhaps that's what politics is/are. I don't know, I probably wasn't paying attention that day.

The humanities, it is claimed, are there to talk about "what it means to be fully human," to teach "not what to do but how to be". The output is "the reasoned search for truth." But then Slouka says these things are all, "inescapably, political." Perhaps the reasons why all point out why I don't know what "political" means: "they complicate our vision", "grow uncertainty", "expand the reach of our understanding" (and thus "compassion" and "tolerance"). One goal seems to be "an individual formed through questioning". The de-toothing of humanities education is summarized:

Worried about indoctrination, we've short-circuited argument. Fearful of propoganda, we've taken away the only tools that could detect and counter it.

The arts and humanities are there to "upset people", prompt "unscripted, unapproved questions", and, according to Don Randel, "force us into 'a rigorous cross-examination of our myths about ourselves'". Slouka quotes the teacher Marcus Eure who wants students to have "depth of experience and a willingness to be wrong", and notes that "every aspect of life... hinges in some way on the ability to understand and empathize with others, to challenge one's belief, to strive for reason and clarity."

These all sound like awesome things.

What confuses me about the article is that the author doesn't seem to think math and science help with these goals. I just don't see that at all. Uncertainty? Understanding? Questioning? Cross-examination? Reason and clarity? How are those not in the realm of math and science? Sure, the topics that are questioned and reasoned about are different for mathandscience than for the humanities, as it pointed out by the article. But how can the questioning nature of mathandscience, the logic and reasoning, not be helpful in the humanities? Is it because math and science education, in parallel to education in the humanities, isn't what it really could and should be? Of course, having also just re-read "A Mathematician's Lament", I worry that this is quite likely the case. But that's probably the topic for another day.