Welcome to my brain, do come in but close the door behind you or you'll leave a draft in!

Crime for Dummies

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 13:09:00 +0000

In Colombia, a would be robber was hospitalized after he attempted to burgle a karate school. He entered the academy with a gun, but wasn’t able to intimidate the students who, in return opened a giant can of whoop ass on him. When police arrived, they had to take his severely concussed body to the hospital for treatment.
In all fairness, what the fuck was he thinking trying to rob a karate school? Was that his idea of a nice easy job? What ever happened to a nice easy mugging of an elderly person?
Now I’m not condoning these activities, I believe in doing an honest day's work for my money, but I also believe in doing things properly. So if your going to rob someone, don’t make an ass of yourself and do it fuckin right.
I really can’t fathom how so many of these criminals are so fucking stupid, like the fuckin numpty over in the states who robbed a convenience store with a clear plastic bag over his head as a disguise. I suppose that guy must be given some credit, he manage to rob the place, he was only arrested after being easily recognized on CCTV!
This made me think, would someone not make a ‘crime for dummies’ book for these thick cunts, with plenty pictures for the really thick illiterate ones. Here is what I imagine it may look like!

Dying to do that thing you love.

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 23:07:00 +0000

I have never understood it when people say “at least he died doing what he loved”……….What?........I would think, if you were doing the thing you love, dying would be the very last fuckin thing you would want to do! I can see the setting now, you live for rock climbing, you have just climbed a huge cliff in the most picturesque of places, you are bathing in your accomplishment whilst being overwhelmed by your surroundings, and you think to yourself, only death could complete this experience now!
If you were able to choose what you were doing when you die, surely you would want to die doing something you fucking hate, who hasn’t wished for death at some time or another, be it being stuck in traffic or being severely hung over.
I hope that when I die, people will say “at least he died doing something he fucking hate”
I don’t want my last words to be “Isn’t this great, I wish I could stay like this for eh…….” I want to die with a sigh of relief, thinking “thank fuck for that”

Also if a rock climber dies when out on a climb, and people say “at least he died doing what he loved” technically that’s not true, technically he didn’t died climbing the cliff, he died falling down it. So unless ‘the thing he loved’ was developing fatal head trauma as a result of falling off shit, he wouldn’t have died doing the thing he loved!

Irelands fantastic telecommunications provider, what a load of wank!

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 12:44:00 +0000

Not even gone start ranting about these useless cunt bags, they make me so mad big pulsating vanes pop out and my head turns red, Oh fuck, its happening already I’d better stop…

MacGyver seriously cool or incredibly retarded?

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 19:28:00 +0000

So we all know there is nothing on the telly on a Sunday, or is there?
Recently FX has been repeating MacGyver, I’m sure we all remember Richard Dean Anderson as Angus MacGyver. Using science and his wits, rather than violence, he could solve almost any problem.
But was this show seriously cool or incredibly retarded? I would have to go for, incredibly retarded!
I remember when I was a kid, I used to watch MacGyver and thinking it was the bees knees, I use to even play games pretending to be him. However watching it now I find myself asking the question, ‘how the fuck did I find this retarded shit any good?’. I now watch it occasionally on a Sunday, not because I think its great, but to laugh at the retardation of the show. In the pilot episode MacGyver has to steal a map from some mad Arab place in the desert. So to escape he uses the feckin map as a sledge to slide down the sand dunes to his waiting hot air balloon, but oh no… an Arab shoots a hole in his balloon, but no fear, using the map and a bit of sticky tape on each corner he plugs the hole and escapes……… There are so many things wrong with that! Being a science and physics buff u think he would know that all you get if you sit on a map on the top of a sand dune is sand in your crack! And what’s with all the women? Every episode there is a new bird most of which were the love of his life and who he hasn’t seen in years, ever since they almost got married! HORSE SHIT…. How many women do you almost marry in a life time? And why dose every one call him MacGyver? Nobody ever calls him Angus, and not only that but they use his name in every sentence. Here is a bit of dialog I made as an example “say MacGyver, why are you such a retard MacGyver? Never in my life MacGyver have I met a retard as retarded as you MacGyver” but the best has to be when the villain is beat he shots MACGYVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Me inline for good old punctual and reliable Air Coach

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 22:13:00 +0000

This is me waiting for an air coach bus in Dublin last year, the feckers had me waiting four hours in line, I felt like I was some fugee waiting in a food line minus the dignity!

Frenchin’ my baby’s bum!

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 20:41:00 +0000

Pampers are feckin’ great for advertising as well! I enjoy watching the tube in the morning before work but I’ve had many a breakfast spoilt during the ad breaks, fortunately the Dove ads don’t seem to be on much in the mornings but instead (obviously expecting only housewives to be watching at that hour) they show plenty of baby related ads including the widely infuriating ‘It’s all gone it’s all gone’ ad for air perfume, there you are munching on your breakfast watching some little shit freak-out on the crapper because there’s nothing to cover up the foul smell coming out of his ass! Yum yum fucking yum. I tell ya what’s “all gone all gone” MY FUCKING WILL TO LIVE
So I’ve finally managed to swallow a bit of toast when the next ad comes on!
Pampers……You would think that it couldn’t be too bad……you’d think……but no, fair fucks to them they managed it. I am not a parent but I don’t think this happens too often! In this particular ad it shows a bunch of parents actually kissing their babies asses as they are changing them, there is even a close-up where the screen is filled with baby ass and lips! OH MY FUCKING GOD, what sick fucker starts kissing their baby’s ass when they are changing them, surely that’s the last place you want to be sticking your head, unless of course I have been misinformed, could it be that babies crap flowers and gummy bears ‘cos I always thought it was shit, and not the solid kind but the runny sticky stinky green tinted kind! And then as you think of this try swallowing a mouthful of Cheerios. DeeeeeeeeFuckingLishhhh

Shitty July by 'Sundy'

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 10:06:00 +0000

July please
The fucking breeze,
There’s rain water in my ass,
The grey sky grins
For all its sins
Look another socking levi ass
July people fucking go
It looks like another shitty day
Just to see the sunshine show
July please just go the fuck away
And the sky begins to get dark
As it rains down in the park
And the tourist doesn’t care‘cause he’s got weather gear……

CHORUS
Oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma ma
My what a shitty july(x2)

July hail storms in my mouth,
Pissed off people everywhere,
I’m sitting on a fucking trout
cause there’s a river everywhere
And a woman of middle age
Sticks her finger up with rage
Then she curses at the sun ‘cause it really should be there...(and all the miserable fuckers go)

CHORUS

And somebody spots the sun
And people start to have fun
But then the water starts to gush
From a thick fucking cloud (everybody)

CHORUS(x2)
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For those of you who don’t know what the fuck I’m on about here is the original lyrics:

JULY
July please,
I'm on my knees,
The smell of your fresh cut grass,
Your blue sky grins
For all its sins
Look another gorgeous levi ass
July people come and go
It looks like another perfect day
Just to see your Striptease show
July please try your best to stay
And a mongrel begins to bark
At a wino in the park
and his owner doesn't care 'cause he really isn't there…

CHORUS
Oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma maMy july(x2)

July,fizz bombs in my mouth,
Babarama everywhere,
I can't lie on my pocket trout
So I sit back in the easy chair
And a woman of middle age
Licks and thumbs annother page
Then she brushes off the dirt
From her greyhound skirt (and all the boys go)

CHORUS

And a baby sucks its thumb
To the sound of a steel drum
And fountain water gush
Through the thick bull rush (everybody)

CHORUS(x2)

Doves ‘real women’ advertising campaign. Don’t make me sick! No I mean it don’t

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny D) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:52:00 +0000

I’m sorry but what the fuck are they trying to do with those ‘real women’ adds by Dove!
Who actually likes watching them adds and who after watching a bunch of “curvy” women wobble around the place actually feels the urge to go out and buy the stuff.
In one of the adds one woman doing a fat dance says ‘I never thought I’d be in a beauty add’ don’t worry love, nobody else saw that one coming either!
If your foot is rotting off and you need to get a cream to remedy it, do you buy the cream with a picture of a nasty rotting foot covered in scabs and boils, or do you buy the one with the picture the nice healthy foot? That’s right, it’s the very same reason the handsome cream I buy doesn’t have a picture of ugly bastard on it.
Adds are painful enough to watch without seeing your average fat ugly Joe where there’s suppose to be attractive models selling beauty products. If I want to see average fat women ill take a walk around town thank you very much.