Beauty For Ashes

Thank You

2012-02-01T08:39:00.002-06:00

I just want to say thank you for the prayers and encouragement over the past two weeks. Thank you for going before the throne of God on my behalf. Thank you for your words of encouragement as I journey through some hard weeks. Thank you.

I will be posting soon about my last week in Costa Rica and how God showed me Himself every step of the way. Also I look forwards to posting some of the lessons God is teaching me. I also will share over the next week or so about the mission trip to Santa Cruz del Quiche, Guatemala.

In the mean time please continue to pray for me as I begin this new chapter. That I may find favor with housing, car, job, furniture, household items, etc. Thanks.

New prayer requests

2012-01-19T11:12:00.003-06:00

This will be a quick post. Please contiune to pray for my health. I have bronchitis and a sinus infection that are really trying to take their toll on me. Pray for the final process of packing today and tomorrow. Saturday I leave for Guatemala to translate for my church's team. Please pray that team of 11 of us. Please pray for the emotional side of this journey for me. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around the fact I'm leaving. Thanks for your prayers! I'll be on contact once I'm back in the states after the 28th.

Oh How He Loves Us!

2012-01-18T08:33:00.003-06:00

I wanted to write a quick post to update you all on how it is going here in warm, sunny Costa Rica.

I sit here amazed at how God is loving on me in His own personal way; rainbow, my life verse, favor with people. It's really only a God thing. I am enjoying every moment I have here and am glad to be home even if it's to say good-bye.

God contiunes to give me strength even in the middle of this bronchitis and sinus infection. He gives me a good balanced time with friends, packing and sitting. He have me just the sweetest time with my girls on Monday. I just couldn't ask for more.

I can't wait to sit down and just write about all that God has done this week (and it's only Wednesday!) Thank you for all your prayers, I can tell people are praying. Please continue to pray for my health, I'm on 3 different meds. Pray for the packing; I have way more than 100lbs of stuff and need to get that downsized. Pray for the remainder of the week to enjoy and for Saturday when I actually leave.

Check out this song,Oh How He Loves Us or El Nos Ama, I can't quit singing it. (Though I only know the spanish version which I included.)English version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxTOsQ3LDE4

Spanish version - the only way I know the song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LBYHZei51A

Many Prayers Needed

2012-01-14T13:15:00.003-06:00

I leave tomorrow, Sunday the 15th, to go back home to Costa Rica to begin the packing and goodbye process. I need a lot of prayers. Here are a few specific ways you can be in prayer for me throughout the next week.

1- Monday the 16th, I will spend the day at work saying goodbye to my girls. This will be the hardest day of all. Pray for strength and that I can show them Christ even through the unexpected goodbye.

2- My health. My body is trying to fight off something. I can't get sick.

3- Emotionally. It's just gonna be hard and I need a lot of prayers to be able to get through it.

4- Getting everything done and saying all my goodbyes in the 5 days I have.

5- No lost bags.

6- The actual leaving of Costa Rica on Saturday, the 21st.

Thanks for your prayers.

God's Purrfect Timing

2012-01-10T11:47:00.003-06:00

Today is a sad day for me as my kitty, Jasper, will be going to a new home today. When I left on 30 November, I did not know that was the last time I would see him. The couple staying at my home in Costa Rica, who have fallen in love with him, have been able to find him a perfect home. There is a lady whose cat of 14 years just died and she will be the new home for Jasper.

I love how God has provided her with sweetest cat she will ever meet in the time of her sadness of the lost of her cat. I am overwhelmed with sadness for my lost but am joyful that Jasper will be able to love on this lady and looks like will be with her for many years to come. God is perfect in His timing.

A New Beginning

2012-01-09T22:39:00.002-06:00

Today I write this post with much sadness but trusting fully in God as He shows me daily His unfailing love and His faithfulness.

As you may know, I am currently home in Missouri for Christmas. I came back with the intention to return to Costa Rica in February for another year. However, under the wise counsel and support of my church and pastors, LifePoint Church, and through much prayer, God has shown me that my time in Costa Rica has come to an end. Therefore I will begin my transitioning phase back into life in Missouri.

I will return to Costa Rica 15 January for a week to settle my affairs, pack my bags and say goodbye to my girls and friends. On 21 January, I will join my home church on a mission trip in Guatemala for a week to serve as a translator and return to the states with them on 28 January. After this I will transition back to Missouri and re-establish myself into life here and begin the job search.

I have asked my financial supporters to give for the next six months as I transition back to the states. This will allow me a time of transition, during which I will be supported through my fundraising dollars and with the help of my home church, LifePoint, working closely with them for accountability. If you would like to give you may do so through LifePoint Church; make checks payable to LifePoint Church and mail to 51 Riverdale Road Ozark, MO, 65721, and write in the memo line “Sunshine Loveland”. Please do not send support to Christ For the City International.

Some special needs I will have during this transition include a place to live, furnishings, a car, and a job. If you are able to help out with these or know of anyone who can, contact me at sunshineloveland@gmail.com. The most important to me is finding a car. I can’t get a job without a car and I’ve got some good leads on job opportunities.

Thank you for your prayers during this time of transition. Thank you for supporting what God has been and continues to do amongst my girls at Renacer and for your continued support as I transition back to the states.

I will continue my blog to encourage others as God takes me on this journey. I will also be post my prayer requests in the next few days.

“I am overcome with joy because of Your unfailing love, for You have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul.” Psalm 31:7

Living Examples of Beauty for Ashes

2011-12-14T11:02:00.003-06:00

Wow this blog is way overdue. I kept forgetting to write it in the midst of the chaos with coming home.

On Friday, 18 November, eleven girls graduated from the rehab program at Renacer. This group has been the most special group by far. I have worked first hand with all of them; they have trusted me with things that they wouldn’t tell the social worker or psychologist. I have cried with them, laughed with them, prayed over and with them, shared life with them as we grew ever so close to them. Several of the girls even saw me as a mother figure to them and had asked if I would adopt them (half jokingly.)

These eleven girls have inspired me, pushed me to be better, taught me, showed me God’s personal pursuit of us, and are my heroes. I wish I could share all of their stories with you. Their stories are ones that show the reality of my life verses and ministry verse of Isaiah 61:1-4.

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

These lost and scared girls came into Renacer brokenhearted; captives to abuse, addictions, hopelessness, fears. They have lived out their shell of a life from the prison bars with the lies of Satan guarding their every move so they may not know the freedom that Christ paid for them with His own blood and body.

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor.

They have spent 15-18 months beginning the transformation process, which is a life long process that we all are in. They have learned about and have experienced the Lord’s favor first hand, through His protection and bringing them to Renacer for a second chance. They began hopeless but end with a renewed hope that the Lord is for them and on their side. They have found comfort for their shattered world. The have begun to see that God can, wants and is taking all the burnt up pieces of their lives (the addictions, the prostitution, robbing, satanic worship, abuse, the list go on) that have filled their once numb, cold and lifeless heart and turn them into a fruitful and endless forest breeding new life not only in them but to all those around them. They have found laughter, joy, hope and praise for the Lord and how He has saved them.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.

They have returned home, to places where life looks eerily the same, as if time almost stood still waiting to put them back into that familiar prison cell. The temptations are ever present and even stronger than before. But they have been planted and God will continue to grow them, nourish them and prune them as they show His splendor in the darkest of ruins. Christ has come to restore and renew not only themselves but their families and their future families. Generations will be forever changed because of what God has been doing in their lives over the past 15-18 months and the many to come.

Sadly as I write this a month after graduation, one girl who graduated and was living at Renacer (because she had no place to go, no family and is only 13 yrs old) ran away this week. We’re not sure where she is but most likely she has returned to the streets as this is the only place she has. Please be in prayer for her and all the others. This is not an easy process.

My girls face things that most of us can never imagine. They also have radically changed, one wants to be a missionary, and they return home to families who are cynical about their change. The families look for just the first little glimpse of the old life, a wrong look, a wrong word, or action is all it takes for those around them to tell them that they knew she didn’t change. She’s not worth anything. She’s always going to be the same.

The ground has been worked; the seeds have been planted and tended to. Now they are no longer with us at Renacer but God has not forsaken them and He continues to tend to them and grow them in His love if they allow Him to. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor.

I'll Be Home for Christmas

2011-11-15T21:46:00.001-06:00

I have always loved the song I’ll Be Home for Christmas. I always just sang it without really thinking of the words until I moved here to Costa Rica. “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.” For the last two Christmas’ these words have ached my heart as I longed to be celebrating with my beloved friends and family.

This year will not be the same because I WILL be home for Christmas. In fact I will be home in 2 weeks!! 30 November my feet will touch the good ole’ Ozarkian Missouri soil! I will be there until 1 February.

It’s been so fun to see how God has provided for my entire tickets and beyond. He is so gracious and I can’t believe how much He has loved on me. I can’t wait to see many of you and get to know new people.

Please be in prayer as I still am trying to find someone to stay in my house and take care of my cat. Also I need to try to find a car I can borrow for the whole time or for part of the time as I need to make support meetings with people. Please let me know if you know of anything. 15 days and counting…

“I’ll be home for Christmas and not only in my dreams. Lalalala”

Butterflies and Teardrops

2011-11-14T21:13:00.000-06:00

She is breaking under the fears that maybe He doesn’t really love her. She stares at the floor as she can barely admit to the doubts that are trying to plant their selves in her mind. She trembles at the thought that she will make one mistake too many and He will forever turn his back on her. Even worse, she barely can mutter her next thought, “what if this is all for nothing? That His love really doesn’t exist for me.” Her tear drenched hands hide her shame as she confesses her feelings when she knows His love for her is true. Her tears glisten as the light from the window bares naked her soul.

The words swirl gently around her as she is reminded of His love for her. She contemplates the truth of His love. She is romanced by His words that He finds her captivating; He’s enthralled by her beauty. There’s warmth from the sweet kiss on her cheek of how He will never leave her. Her stare now becomes attentive; her hope grazes her lips as she takes in His love. The promise that He will love her as she is, wraps her tightly.

Once again her tear drenched hands cover her face as she weeps. Yet, this time, her tears bare light to the hope and the contentment of her Lover. Butterflies flutter in her stomach as she soaks in the words, the promises, what He has done to show her His love for her. She is overwhelmed. Laughter crushes her fears and doubts as she falls in love all over again with her Prince.

This is the story of my girl today in our individual. After she left I prayed that I too may be brought to tears and butterflies as I realize the unfailing and ever merciful love that my Prince, Jesus, has for me. He showed His love on the cross. He took God’s wrath and judgment that was meant for me, for you, for our sins, so that I, we, may know the merciful and unfailing love of our Savior. May I be overwhelmed! May all my fears and doubts melt away in the arms of His love! May we all find our romance again by our Lover who is enthralled, captivated by our beauty! (Psalms 45:11)

One Battle Won!

2011-09-28T20:39:00.000-05:00

One of my lovely girls, who has a background of satanic worship, has been very determined to have nothing to do with Jesus. When she first came here about 6 months ago, she had prayed to accept Jesus in her life and we saw some major changes in her for about three weeks. I wrote about her on the blog post of…. Then she went back to how she uses to be, hating God and saying she didn’t believe he existed.

She has been very resistant in Bible Studies and created a harsh atmosphere for the rest of the girls. We have several other girls who have similar background of satanic practices and they all follow her lead. One being the girl I wrote about in the previous post. This has made Bible studies harder than they should and leaves me wondering if anyone learned anything.

My girl started to have individual biblical counseling with my co-worker and last week it was really just a waste of time. She wanted nothing to do with anything that had to do with God. What a week will do. In her individual yesterday, she told my co-worker that she wants to know how to have a strong relationship with God. That she believes in God and knows He has the best for her. She said her pride got in the way and she is now ready to let go of her pride and leave her sinful behaviors and start following God will all her heart.

I was so excited to hear this. I had noticed in our Bible study that she was acting different, she was responding in ways she never did before, she had a smile on her face and she talked differently. I just didn’t know what had changed. Well now I do.

Thanks again for all your prayers and support of these girls.

The War for a Soul

2011-09-26T18:09:00.001-05:00

It’s amazing at the lengths that Satan will go to keep someone blinded from the saving Truth of Jesus. If you have read my blog over the past few months you will remember the girl who I’ve written about who believes that Satan is God. It’s been a constant battle for herself and for her soul.

Today, I had a few to chat with her and I can see and hear God’s hammer chiseling away the lies. But, wow, Satan has a huge hold on her and isn’t going to let go easily. Over the past few weeks she has told God that He can enter her life and take control. However, she always leaves feeling nothing different. She believes she needs to be crying and having some emotional mountaintop experience to prove God is in her life.

You probably might be excited that it appears she has accepted Christ from what I just wrote. Unfortunately that is not what has happened yet. She continues to struggle to believe that God exists. In fact, today, she went to the other side stating that she doesn’t believe that neither God nor Satan exists. For her to accept Christ as her Savior, she must believe He exists. She doesn’t believe that John 3:16 includes her. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” She believes it’s the world minus her.

I know she is close. She wants the peace and hope that only God can offer, yet she continues to be unable to see the truth through the life destroying lies that Satan has fused in her mind. However we know that Jesus is stronger than he who is in this world and that His power can renew her mind.

Please continue to pray for her and myself as we fight this war. I know God has the victory, but pray that my precious girl will not give up on this fight. That she will allow God to pull each scale off her eye, one by one.

Brave Warriors

2011-09-21T19:41:00.000-05:00

I am blown away every time I think about my girls and what they face every day in their process of transformation. They must stare down and uncover the abuse, the hurtful words, the lies, the reality of life, their own decisions, their fears and the ugly things they have done. If that wasn’t enough, they must learn how to battle these things and then turn them into fuel for their transformation.

Then they must learn how to dream and believe they have a future. They graduate and move back into their old world and learn how to live in an environment that remains similarly the same. An environment that screams to quite lies that they are still that old girl, that they are worth nothing, that they should just give up. They fight to survive and continue their transformation in a place that resists them. These girls are my heroes! They are braver than I ever could be. They are strong young ladies that encourage me everyday to be better.

I have the greatest blessing of walking with these girls in this process as they stand eye to eye to their past. I teach them that they are not alone in this fight. They have the power of our All Mighty Savior if they chose to accept His gift. Today was one of those moments that I got to help one brave warrior find her eternal strength as she accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Savior and to be her strength in this battle.

What a celebration there is in heaven tonight! This is why I am here in Costa Rica. Praise God!

1 Peter 2:24 “He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed.”

Prayer Warriors Wanted

2011-09-16T21:01:00.000-05:00

I have two prayer requests this weekend to present to you. First, we have a girl who has been at Renacer for less than a month and is very aggressive; including hitting and chocking some of the girls. She is on her last chance and could be expelled from the program. She is the one that I find it hard to love as I mentioned in my last prayer request blog. She does have a sweetness about her and can make you laugh. She needs to be here. Pray for her to see that aggression is not the way and that there are other ways.

The other prayer request is for me. After talking with a friend last night, we decided that if at all possible I need to go back to Missouri for a week to ten days at the beginning of October so I can raise support. I do not plan for this trip to take the place of the Dec-Jan trip (which would be more support raising). It’s just I’m at a critical time and we feel it would be the best to go home and she is willing to help me out to get there. So we have been looking up 100 ways on how to make it cheap and affordable. Please pray that God will show the path of how to get from here to there. Also pray that I would make wise decisions as I am looking for new insurance. I have found something that looks to be very good, actually works for me and is so much cheaper than what I pay now.

Thanks for your prayers.

Psalm 68:19 “Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day He carries us in His arms.”

Honored

2011-09-16T17:29:00.001-05:00

I am completely honored and blown away by the trust level the girls have with me. Over the past few weeks I have heard multiple times, “I have never told anyone this before.” Wow what an honor. Those “secrets” haven’t really been what one would call “deep” but oh have they been important! One girl had never said out loud her desires for her life. One had never confronted what the true reality is of her situation and how she feels about it.

In the past two weeks, I have had 4 girls come to me and ask for help because they no longer want to be a lesbian. This shows another way God is allowing trust to be built with the girls that they would share these things very personal things with me. I am honored that they know they are not judged, that I do not think differently of them, and that I love them as they are and I’m willing to help them.

I’m excited to see what God wants to do in these relationships and how He will do it. I am having to read and learn a lot and most importantly trust God in it all. Please be in prayer for the counseling times that God will give me His words and His wisdom. Also several of these girls will be graduating in November so our time is short.

Again I’m so honored to see how God continues to take our ashes and turn them into His beauty. These girls are living in this process of transformation!

Support Update:URGENT 9.7.11

2011-09-07T22:07:00.002-05:00

On Monday, I emailed some of you update of the past three years, plans for next years and my financial support needs. (This is a little more specific than what was in my letter.) I know that some of you who read my blog are not on my email list so I wanted to also share with you my immediate needs. First I just added to the side of my webpage a “fundraising thermometer” in which I will update monthly.

My goal is to raise $2000 a month and right now I’m currently at $1145 which is 57% of my goal. You’re thinking I’m doing pretty well; however this is not what my take home is and is what I average between my monthly and bi/tri-monthly supporters.

This month I got a take home pay of $425 although I received $945 in support this month; which makes me at 47%. First Christ For the City takes a 12% assessment fee from the full amount ($133), the there’s almost $90 in taxes, $290 for health insurance, and about $10 for credit card donations fees. So that left me with the $425.

My monthly needs are as following;

Rent $460

Bills $150ish

Food/hygiene/cleaning products: $250

Transportation: $50

Monthly savings for visa renewal trip (every three months): $100

So these are just my basic needs that do not include the doctors (which I need to have some exams done that will cost a several hundred, go to the dentist - $100ish, buy contacts - $90ish) and I was trying to save up so I could go back to the states for Christmas.

This month I didn’t expect my support to be so low and I’m able to meet my needs this month by spending my visa renewal savings and the money I had begun to save for my return home trip. Next month, October, I will not be able to cover all my rent less alone everything else if my support remains exactly the same.

So how can you partner with me? Would you like to be a monthly supporter of any amount via a tax-deductable donation? If 10 people give $10 then that adds up to $100, so no amount is too small. Or perhaps you would like to be a bi-monthly or twice a year supporter? Would you give a one time gift? Or perhaps you have some frequent flier miles or a buddy pass to help towards my trip home for Christmas?

If you would like to help please notify me at sunshineloveland@gmail.com. I need the donations to be in by the 25th of September so that they can be added to my support for next month. Here is how you can go about giving your gift:

Send financial donations to: Christ For the City International, PO Box 390395, Omaha, NE 68139

write "for Sunshine Loveland" in the memo line

Make automatic withdrawals by contacting CFCI at 1.888.526.7551 or by email at finance@cfci.org

Donate online at the CFCI website www.cfci.org

Thank you for taking the time to read this and pray about how God would have you partner with me.

Prayer Requests

2011-09-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

I have a few prayer requests that I would love for you all to pray with me about.

1. This week is therapy marathon, in which the girls are in therapies all day long for the entire week over a certain theme. This week is sexuality. Please pray for the girls as they are dealing with many hurts and many lies.

2. Marathon week means I am just sitting at a computer all day trying to write lessons. There is a reason why I have never had an actual office job. I’m going crazy and starting to get a bad attitude. Please pray that tomorrow will be a good productive day with a good attitude.

3. Throughout the years here and as a Foster Care Case Manager, I have never encountered a girl who I just did not like and I have been called every name in the book by them (the ones in the states.) Yet I now have one girl here that I just don’t like to be around and I truly just don’t like her. This makes me sad because I don’t want to be that way nor have I had this experience. Please pray for me to learn to truly love her and see her for more than her awful behaviors and attitude. I want my actions to be real and not fake with her because she will be able to know.

4. I need a roommate. Pray that God will provide the right one quickly.

5. For my financial support, that God will provide exactly what I need to meet all my needs on time.

6. Also I’m struggling a lot with homesickness, more than I normally do, and this greatly affects so many aspects of my life. Normally this time of the year I am back at home and so I think this is why it’s getting so bad.

7. For my walk with Jesus, that He will be truly all I need and my everything.

8. Last but not least for friendships. I have been blessed with a few great relationships but I need more of a social life. I need to get out of my house more than I normally do.

Thanks for your prayers.

The Team Update

2011-09-02T09:40:00.004-05:00

Well it’s been awhile since I have got you all up on what has happened over the past month. So there will be a few blog posts this weekend to catch ya’ll up.

The Clearwater Christian College Volleyball team went great. I was a challenge for me because it wasn’t all planned out and I didn’t know what all would take place, but of course God showed Himself big. The team made great connections with my girls and were the arms of Jesus to them.

The team taught the girls how to play volleyball, gave devotions in the mornings, did some craft projects and most importantly loved on my girls. They also got the opportunity to play volleyball with the University of Costa Rica team and also the National League sub 20 (ages below 20). After the games the team shared Christ with them. I believe that these college girls eyes were opened and changed in how the look at others and how God can use every life.

We even had a day of fun in which we went to the active Poaz Volcano (the largest or second largest crater in the world, measuring at one mile wide). Then we went over to the La Paz waterfall park which includes a zoo and you can hold some of the animals. It was so fun and something I had wanted to do since I have lived here.

It was a very busy week but a fulfilling week and I believe God was in charge of it all. I had to really trust Him and allow Him to be the leader and have the control of it, which I don’t do well.

Thanks to the team for loving on my girls and being the arms of God to my girls.

The team.

Me and the Toucan at the Zoo at the Waterfall

Poaz Volcano. The thick white cloud from the center of the crater is the actual sulfur smoke coming from the center of the volcano. The white thin cloud above is the actual clouds.

Me and Teah at the side of the smaller waterfall. We didn't know until after the trip that she is the sister of a sweet friend back home! What a small world!

A cute little frog at the frog exhibit at the waterfall.

Team Coming!

2011-07-31T17:04:00.001-05:00

This weekend has been crazy and stressful. I got back from Nicaragua late Thursday night, from my mandatory visa renewal trip, and I haven’t really stopped since. Tomorrow at noon, a volleyball team of 12 from Clearwater Christian University will be here to work with my girls. They will also do 2 evangelism events at the National University and play a game or two of volleyball with the university.

Please be in prayer as I lead the team for the next eight days. Pray for the communication barrier, the relationships between the team and the girls, strength and endurance. Please pray for how the week will go. The team’s vision is different from what they are going to be able to do, which they know, but pray that they will be amazed at what God has called them to.

For myself, please pray for strength as I lead them, translate for the week, and for my health as I’m very allergic to the house we will stay in. Pray that I will be sensitive to the Lord’s leading and that I will be able to find moments of rest during the busy week ahead.

Hope is Stirring!

2011-07-14T22:05:00.001-05:00

Last week, I wrote a blog about one of my girls who believes that the devil is god and that God does not exists. Every week I have talked with her for about 30 minutes to try to work on this with her. Today, I was not looking forward to talking with her; I just wanted no more stress. Oh but how wrong I was!

This precious girl is giving into God’s pursuit of her. She has found herself from time to time writing poems and when she goes back and reads them it’s as if it was a message from God, Himself, to her about her situation. She’s still not convinced but she admits that He probably does exist but she’s very confused. She feels like He doesn’t listen to her, yet I was able to point out all the ways He has been responding to her.

Last night after the night of praise and worship she told God that she was very alone and sad and she really needed a hug. Just a hug from Him. She said that there had been no wind last night, but at that moment as she was heading down to the cabins, a rush of wind wrapped itself around her. She said “it might be strange for me to say this but I think it was God.” I told her that she was so right that it was God. She couldn’t believe that I was saying it.

I’m so encouraged to see a heart softening before my eyes and seeing God personally pursue this young lady and she’s letting Him in a little at a time. I have no doubt, that your prayers are helping this beautiful soul take one step closer to finding everlasting life in the arms of our amazing Savior. Please continue to pray for her and for us as God has given us the huge work of guiding her to Him. I just can’t quit smiling! My God is wonderful!

God's Provision

2011-07-14T22:00:00.001-05:00

¡¡What a day!! The first hour of my morning was like any other morning but the second hour brought a mountain of stress which I thought was going to crush me. First I’m already at maximum stress level because I have a team coming on 1 August and things are still up in the air on a lot of it; then on 1 August, as well, I will have no roommates; and on 24 July I have to go to Nicaragua again to renew my visa and am trying to prepare three weeks worth of lessons for two cabins along with the lessons I must teach next week. Wow I’m just stressed out by typing all that.

So back to the second hour of today. I needed a Pepsi badly, I’m trying to quit (again) and so I only had my debit card and so I used it, or tried to. Back up to last night. I went and bought a birthday gift for one of my girls here and used my card without any problem. Five minutes later I tried to use it at McD’s but it wouldn’t work. I’d thought it strange but whatever. Well today my card would not work again. Now this was really strange. I went to the ATM and it worked, but I thought the screen told me I had no money in my account, the screen was very blurry so I couldn’t really tell you what it said. Yet, it let me have money.

This created panic in me. Did someone steal my number, again? Did my bank cancel my card without telling me? What is going on? Last time this happened it took me almost 2 months to get my card mailed to me here which meant I had no access to money for that whole time! This was killing me. How was I going to go to Nicaragua? How was anything going to happen?

I went up in the van to work and everyone knew something was very wrong with me. It just so happened that,(God),two of the girls had doctor appointments and the van was going back down and would later return to work. So I asked my boss if I could go back down and try to solve the issue.

When I looked at my account, everything was at it should be and so I was very confused. I called the back and they told me they hadn’t received any notice of my card being denied so it had to be on this end of things. She thinks my card strip is just getting worn out. But in the process of us talking she asked me if a week ago I attempted to by airline tickets with delta for an amount over $2500. Uhhh, NO! Thankfully it was denied, because I don’t have near that type of money in my account. She was able to find out that it had been manually put in, which means through the internet, which means Someone has my number!

We had to cancel my card as quickly as possible before they could do some damage to me. She gave me an hour to go to the ATM and get out the money I would need until I could get my card before she would cancel my card. Again it just so happens that,(God), I have a team coming down on 1 August. I asked her if she could send it to the leader of the team and she said she couldn’t because I don’t live there and it would be sent back. But what she would do is have it sent to her, by next Wednesday, and then she would put it in another envelope and send it to the leader of the team who will get it just in the nick of time to bring it to me! Praise God!

God used my card not working to bring to light that someone has my number and has tried to use it. I’m glad to see He was protecting me of something major from happening. Next time I hope He does it with a little less stress being involved.

Raging War

2011-07-06T18:26:00.001-05:00

This week started off super rough! First I had a great weekend with God, but a very hard one as He and I are working through some hard areas of my life and I’m having to rage war against satan and the lies he’s trying to get me to believe and the cycle I find myself in constantly. Then Monday came, the first hour of work I find out that two of our girls ran away on Sunday.

This wouldn’t have been such a huge surprise if it were some from the beginning phases who were struggling. No, it was one of the most advanced girls in the program who had been here for over a year. She had been doing great, working hard, growing and falling in love with Jesus, just fun to be around. The other was a girl who graduated several years ago and has been living here ever since because she has no place to go.

Sadly these girls ran away and what’s even worse is that they have no place to go. Both have no family, no one involved in their process. I’m terrified for the first girl because she lived by prostitution and I’m afraid she will fall back into that habit. I’m praying that they both will remember what they have learned here and that those things will flood their minds and that they will look for a church to help them.

Right after that I found out that another girl who graduated over several years ago, and has been living with us for the same reasons, no place to go, her brother was released from jail last week and over the weekend was murdered. This was her last hope she had for a possible way out of here. Now she feels like God hates her, is picking on her and so forth.

Then Tuesday, was just a hard day. (Thankfully I had a great night’s sleep because I went to bed at 7:30pm, I was just drained of everything.) I had the conversation with the girl I told you about in the last post. I began the series with Débora (3rd phase) over heaven and hell, angels, demons, satan, spiritual warfare of our minds and the armor of God. This will last for the next 5 weeks and satan always hates these lessons and tries to mess things up. It went pretty well so I felt good until I taught Ester (2nd phase) and the lesson on prayer.

Ester is a hard group right now. There are several girls who really want to learn but the rest are indecisive and then there´s two, three, that are causing HUGE problems. I had to call the group out last week on their attitudes in class which seem to have some impact. However there is a girl who I wrote about in an early blog who accepted Christ as her Savior and transformed immediately. Unfortunately, she now hates God and doesn’t believe in Him and has returned back to her satanic beliefs.

There is another girl who was doing great in her process and was such a joy to be around and was growing in her identity in God. (I’m not sure if she has a relationship with God but she had been seeking.) Well she and the other girl have “fallen in love” and now she does whatever the other girl (with the satanic beliefs) does. So now she is hateful, depressed, cutting on herself, hates God, doesn’t believe in Him, and just causing problems. But when you get her one on one the girl who she really is shows up a little.

It just broke my heart yesterday as they affected the rest of the class. I pray over that room and that class and I kick satan out of there but then they bring him right in with them. I had them on each side of me and the darkness that I felt was just awful and sickening. It took everything in me to not cry. I left very discouraged but trying to live in the promises of God. He is in control.

If you think of it will you pray for this cabin, Ester, and for the spiritual warfare that is being raged on campus, in the lives of these girls and even in myself.

"The devil is god"

2011-07-06T18:22:00.001-05:00

What? How can I write something like that? Last week this is what one of my girls told me. After lunch we talked because she wants to get out of the pacts she has made with the devil. She has spent a lot of time in the satanic church, black magic, sacrifices etc. She has given her soul, her blood, her life, her mind to satan for in return for things to happen, get more drugs, have something bad happen to an enemy and so on. She feels that these pacts cause her a lot of anxiety and leads her to cutting herself.

The problem is that she wants nothing to do with God. She doesn’t believe that He exist. In fact, she believes that satan is god and he created everything and has all the power while God is someone that people made up to feel better. Every time she asks me something about God or the Bible and after my response she will immediately and defiantly say "that’s not true."

Yesterday, she and I talked about the hierarchy of God, satan, angels and demons. As expected she refused to hear it. She has so many conflicting statements. “I want out of the pacts because it leads me to cutting myself, anxiety and it causes pain.” Then just a few minutes later she is talking about how she wants to go to hell because it’s a good place, "there’s suffering and pain, it’s satisfying, feels good and fulfills me." Wow.

I asked her a lot of questions to challenge the notion that perhaps her idea of satan could be incorrect if there was a God and if the Bible were correct. She was able to say she has a lot of fear to believe in God and what it would mean for her.

Just an hour later, I had Bible study with her cabin, in which we talked about prayer and I had different activities for them to do, so they could learn that they can pray in many different ways. She was not looking forward to it but she ended up really working on it. One was to draw a picture of how they feel, how their heart, what are their fears, their desires and so forth. Her picture was many black with a cross and question marks. She then asked me what color would represent hope. I told her perhaps yellow and then in the middle of her page she put a yellow dot. Yeah God!

Today she talked with one of my co-workers about if God is all powerful why then are there bad things in the world and why did He allow them to happen to her. She also asked what she would have to do to accept Christ as her Savior but she is not ready to do such. She was saddened when she found out that just like everything else in life; a relationship with Christ is also a process. She wants a quick fix to her bad dreams, hurt and everything else, so she walks away still unwilling to change. However with a little more information, a little more glimpse of what could be. I just pray for the day when she believes that God exists and that she wants Him as her Savior. What a day that will be!

Graduation Day!

2011-05-22T14:47:00.005-05:00

Friday was a beautiful and perfect day as 8 precious girls took flight; Priscila, Yerlin, Fabiola, Maria Fernanda, Grethel, Guady, Stephannie and Maripaz.

The day began with make-up and hair for the graduates, which took most of the morning. Then the finishing touches on comedor where we had graduation. With every graduation, previous generations of graduates return to celebrate and encourage the other girls. This time around, we had almost 16 return and most of them were ones I knew. It’s good to see how they continue to grow and transform.

The ceremony consisted of several of the heads of different agencies or institutions, with whom we work, encouraging the girls in their transformations. The Debora cabana did two interpretive dances and the Tamara girls sang a song. Yerlin told her story of transformation and then it ended with the certificates and all the girls singing the “anthem of Renacer”, Flower in the Rain by Jaci Velazquez. (Of course, sung in Spanish.)

It was a perfect day and I didn’t even cry, a few moments of watery eyes. I have included some pictures of the days events but I am unable to show you close ups of the girls because they are in the protective care of the State of Costa Rica.

My Formacion Cristiana Team. Tiffany, Loyda and myself.

Merciful and Redemptive Grace

2011-05-19T18:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am a missionary but that doesn’t mean I’m any different than any other Christ-follower. I struggle with sin just as everyone else does. I have times when I’m close to God and times that I can so quickly put up a wall between Him and me before I even know what I’m doing. I have come to find out that I’m really good at putting up walls and it’s a defense mechanism, doesn’t make it alright to do though.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in a several week pattern of a wall up between me and God over some hard things I’m avoiding to work on with Him, because they are ugly and painful. Yet, I find His amazing grace so merciful and redemptive. In the midst of my avoidance, God still calls my name and He even still uses me. (I would have just thrown me out a long time ago!)

Today was one of those days I saw that merciful and redemptive grace in action. After lunch, one of my girls finally got the nerves up to talk to me (she’s been trying for 2 weeks now). Through her tears she told me of her struggles with an idol that has taken over her mind. (Just so happens that this struggle has to be the very one I’m dealing with.) She is broken and wants change but doesn’t know how to get her mind off of it. We talked a little while about it and she gave me her folder for me to read her homework.

I was amazed at the honesty in her homework and the sincere cry of her heart. I might as well been reading my own journal. It was awesome, how God flooded me with verse after verse for her, and can I say for myself. I sat there in awe just marvelling over the greatest of our God and His grace. It has given me that hope again to keep moving forward. I pray, too, that this is the hope she needs and that God does amazing work in this young girl’s life.

God is Working!

2011-05-11T18:52:00.000-05:00

Today was another fun day at work. The morning started off with 6 of the girls finding out that they have finished their process! Some have been in process for 18 months. These girls, my girls, whom I have seen change right before my eyes are about to spread their wings and fly. I can’t believe that these girls, a total of 8, will no longer be there. They have been there the entire time I have been there. What a change it will be but how exciting it is!

I had two individuals today with two of my girls who just got that great news and it was so fun to see the joy they had. With one girl I closed our theme of how to continue the personal relationship with Jesus once she leaves Renacer. She seems to be doing well and has a good plan in place for how she will continue to learn and grow.

The other was even more exciting. She has had a hard time believing God really loves her and really has forgiven her of her sins. While she was on a home pass last week she had an incredible encounter with God. One in which has changed her. Two weeks ago, she was crying non-stop because she just didn’t believe. Today she was all smiles and was confident that Jesus loves her and died for her sins, all of them.

I got to teach her how to do a word study on God’s love and she was eating it up. She didn’t want to end our time because she wanted to keep doing the exercises. I’m excited that she can do them on her own and I can’t wait to talk to her next week to see even more of what God is doing in her life. Yea God! This is so worth it!