SUPERBLOG!!

Hello! Goodbye! We own the night!

2010-12-31T23:22:00.002+01:00

EDIT: This SUPERBLOG!! post was co-written by Uncle Sammy.

Hello munchers! Got any spunk left in you, do you?

This is the last SB entry EVER! Here is a list of people we want to thank:

Rudolf; U cheap bastard.

Moko, U moko

Goo, You draw good.

George W Buddha

Spiderboyo, U are comical.

Everybody we forgot

UPDATE: AFE!

Here are some other people:

Tom Krus

Klaus Kinski

Rocketboy"!"!!!!

Facebook forever !!!

You're Wrong!

2010-10-18T12:29:00.005+02:00

SUPERBLOG!! will never die.

It may stumble and fall and suck and blow. It may be an occasional embarrassment. By which I mean a constant embarrassment. It may be an outdated experiment. It may be a Nothing blog, Rarely Updated, Ignored By Its Former Fans and Even Its Creators. It may continually make promises of radical changes that never happen.

But it is the Alpha and the Omega. It is the Light-Bringer. It is the Christ. It's your father and mother and brother and lover. But better than all of them, because it will be with you always, even to the End of Tim. And the End of Time.

SUPERBLOG!! was here before you were born, and it will be here long after you are all dead dead dead

If I'm lying, may the Lord punish me by striking me with a bad case of hubris.

Old Things New!

2010-10-07T17:38:00.003+02:00

This picture is old! But for me it was NEW!

Soon: Doom

2010-09-27T21:59:00.000+02:00

SUPERBLOG TWO!! Roland Fassbinder! It's here! Soon! Doom!

Something

2010-09-15T12:40:00.000+02:00

600 Hours to Doom!

2010-09-01T17:49:00.002+02:00

Date line: September! In exactly six hundred human hours (roughly 37,512 minutes), SUPERBLOG!! as we know and hate it will be destroyed! Exploded, one might say. Luckily, it will be replaced with something far, far better. A sort of... SUPERBLOG 2!! (The Blogspot URL has already been altered to reflect this momentous change.)

Several guest-bloggers will be invited. Roland Fassbinder is in talks to contribute. You have been warned. Watch the skies! Doom!! DOOM.

The clock is ticking - it is now 500 hours!

Films in Order from Good to Bad, June-July 2010

2010-08-02T20:04:00.000+02:00

Recent studies suggest that motion pictures should be rated with more precision than the classic SUPERBLOG!! Five-Keaton Scale affords. Thus, for this post at least, the "MK5" (as it is known in the business) will be retired, and replaced with the supposedly superior "MK10" scale. Just watch:

A Clockwork Orange (1971) (R)

The Shining (1980) (R)
The Dark Knight (2008) (R)

Superman: The Movie (1978) (R)
Dead Ringers (1988)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) (R)
Greenberg (2010)
The Ghost Writer (2010)

Junebug (2005) (R)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Zero Effect (1998) (R)

The Prestige (2006) (R)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) (R)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) (R)
Heartless (2009)
The Constant Gardener (2005)
A Single Man (2009)
Y tu mamá también (2001)
Time After Time (1979)
Mystery Team (2009)
Cemetery Junction (2010)
The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

Winter Kills (1979)
Serenity (2005)
The House of the Devil (2009)
Kicking and Screaming (1995)
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) (R)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) (R)
Gwoemul / The Host (2006)
Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)
Dan in Real Life (2007)
Cube: Hypercube (2002) (R)
Chasing Amy (1997)
Män som hatar kvinnor / The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009)
Lisa, Lisa / Axe (1977)

Kick-Ass (2010)
Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
Luftslottet som sprängdes / The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest (2009)
Flickan som lekte med elden / The Girl Who Played with Fire (2009)
Batman: Gotham Knight (2008)
The Book of Eli (2010)
Date Night (2010)
Flatland: The Film (2007)

Twilight (2008)
Swimming Pool - Der Tod feiert mit / The Pool (2001)

And so it ends. I would have written a little something about each film but I have a bus to nowhere to catch. I hope to see you there.

Yrs probably,
KM

Screencaps from Der Geistskribent (2010) and Der Pool (2001) TM & © SUPPERBLOOD Enterprises. Reproduced with kind permission of the rights holder.

Who Throws Cheese Honestly? and other pictures

2010-07-17T23:09:00.001+02:00

#1: CAT. I hate this image and the sentiment behind it.

#2: CRIME CIRCUS. I have no strong feelings about this image.

Robbing the Pope!

2010-07-03T16:24:00.000+02:00

I'm Starting a Circus of Crime

2010-06-29T08:58:00.001+02:00

"The CLOWN does not take that LIGHTLY!"

Harry Gaylord and the Goblet of Cum

2010-06-27T11:46:00.004+02:00

The reason you haven't heard from SUPERBLOG!! in the last ten days or so is that we have been writing a series of young-adult fantasy novels, the first one of which is to be published later this Summer. There will probably be a total of six or seven books. These will chronicle the adventures of the adolescent wizard Harry Gaylord, a student at Suxdix School of Murder & Misogyny, in particular his struggles against the evil wizard Lord Jew. These books are literally writing themselves and we are already hard at work on the fifth one, Harry Gaylord and the Order of the Führer.

No no no no no. As usual, it is all a bunch of stupid bullshit.

Stupid Blog! Be More Funny!!

2010-06-17T17:17:00.002+02:00

And if you can't manage that, shitty SUPERBLOG!!, at least try to be less actively UNfunny.

You fucking blog, you. I should sell you to the Chinese. To the filthy Chinese.

Gee Fraza!

2010-06-13T11:30:00.001+02:00

SUPERBLOG!! supports the Free Gaza Movement! Though not with money, of course. Just with enough blog posts to counteract occasional reactionary nonsense.

Actually, the Official Koala Position on the Arab-Israeli conflict is probably closest to "A pox on both their houses", but in the Ship to Gaza incident, it seems pretty obvious that Israel acted unethically and unlawfully. How anyone can make excuses for them in this instance is beyond me.

We Con the World

2010-06-12T18:37:00.001+02:00

They con the world!

Films in Order from Good to Bad, April-May 2010

2010-06-05T12:29:00.002+02:00

Excellent! Another completely meaningless list of meaninglessness! I love SUPERBLOG!! This time (for a change), I will rate each motion picture on the Michael Keaton Scale, ranging from 5 Keatons (= "Keatonastic! :-)") to 1 lonely Keaton (= "Keatonethic! :-("). I will also use cutting-edge Internet Hyperlink technology to link to AV Club reviews, when relevant. When not relevant, I will not link to anything. That is my promise to you, the reading public.

Ha! Nothing!

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) (R)
Out of the Past (1947)
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007) (R)

Iron Man 2 (2010)
Iron Man (2008) (R)
Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)
The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (2009)
Crazy Heart (2009)
Bob Roberts (1992) (R)
Animal Farm (1954)
Shutter Island (2010)
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Point Blank (1967) (R)
Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)
Hamlet 2 (2008)
Wiseguy (1996)
Europa (1991)
The Road (2009)

The Girlfriend Experience (2009)
Valhalla (1986)
Shorts (2009)
Prime Cut (1972)
Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero (1998)
Angel of Death (2009)
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)
Avatar (2009)
Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber (2005)

I hope you enjoyed scrolling through this meaningless list of meaninglessness and if for some reason you didn't I hope you die soon. No. Just kidding. I hope you never die, ever.

Bernard Calsong (1803-1845)

2010-05-31T20:17:00.000+02:00

If Bernard Calsong hadn't created underwear back in the 1830s, it's not entirely unlikely that we all would be convered from head to toe in piss and shit at this point. Please tell your children about this great inventor and read more on Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Undergarment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernard_Calsong_(inventor)

And if you enjoy Wikipedia and inventions like underwear, please consider making a donation.

SPOILER: It is piss

2010-05-27T10:14:00.002+02:00

Not Lost, Lost is good. Jack sure likes golden showers. That is his one character flaw. Therefore he had to leave the island for a while. But then he had to go back! But first he had to take a shower, because he STANK. That is how Lost (SPOILERS) ended.

What? When did he take the shower? I don't understand.

Films in Order from Good to Bad, February-March 2010

2010-05-16T16:48:00.000+02:00

Something like this, maybe not exactly:

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) (R)
There Will Be Blood (2007) (R)

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) (R)
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Rachel Getting Married (2008) (R)
Moon (2009) (R)
An Education (2009)
Raise the Red Lantern (1991)

Tape (2001)
The Spanish Prisoner (1997)
The Informant! (2009)
Sita Sings the Blues (2008)
Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010)
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) (R)

Women in Trouble (2009)
Monsters vs Aliens (2009)
Creepshow 2 (1987)
The Box (2009)

2012 (2009)
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

Ugo Boncompagni

2010-05-14T13:23:00.000+02:00

Happy 448th (or whatever) anniversary of when Ugo was turned into a Pope by God. It was today, on the 14th of May (That rhymes!). They called him the Pop Pope because he listened to popular music while healing the sick. Of course, the music that was popular back in Ugo's day was utter SHIT and wouldn't be very popular today if people were allowed to hear it. Also, while healing the sick may sound like a nice thing to do, historians have been able to prove that it was Ugo himself who gave them the disease in the first place.

Ugo: Disease-spreading popular healer POP pope.

Spider-Sauce

2010-05-01T00:27:00.000+02:00

I'm gonna shoot my disgusting spider-sauce right in your stupid faces. Just you wait and see.

It's May Day today.

I Shall Become A Keamy

2010-03-31T23:00:00.000+02:00

If me work hard on it methinks me just might one day turn into Martin Keamy. Me shall try with all my hearts.

1667 POSTS OF FALI

2010-03-31T21:56:00.000+02:00

OMD!!

2010-03-27T23:10:00.000+01:00

This is very likely the least offensive picture that turns up when you Image Google "dog dick". But why would you, anyway? Are you some kind of weirdo?

Film Reviews (Not Really), January 2010 (Two Months Ago)

2010-03-23T11:08:00.000+01:00

Listen up maggots! Do YOU enjoy seeing a list of films and television series rated on a scale between one and four Michael Keatons with no explication whatsoever on how and why a particular rating was attained? Then today's proud SUPERBLOG!! entry is for YOU.

88 Minutes (2007)
Righteous Kill (2008)
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

Public Enemies (2009)
44 Inch Chest (2009)
Book of Blood (2009)
Batman Beyond: Season 3 (2000-2001, 13 episodes)
Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)
Sunshine Cleaning (2008)
TV Funhouse (8 episodes, 2000-2001)

Whip It (2009)
The Late Shift (1996) (R)
Lord of Illusions (1995) (R)
Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (2009) (R)
Meet John Doe (1941)
The Unit: Season 1 (2006, 13 episodes)
Heathers (1988)
Burn After Reading (2008)

Party Down (2009, 10 episodes)
Hellraiser (1987) (R)
Big Fan (2009)
Up in the Air (2009)
World's Greatest Dad (2009)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
A Serious Man (2009)
Full Metal Jacket (1987) (R)
In the Loop (2009) (R)

YOU!

Just Checking In to Let You Know That Al Gore Still Rules

2010-03-17T21:50:00.000+01:00

What a terrific human being Albert Gore is. He is a role model and an ideal. I love you, Al Gore.

But of course, the whole WORLD loves Mr Gore. There is not a single person on this ever-hottening planet that doesn't love President Gore. SOME people may not admit it, but in their HEART they know the TRUTH.