Susan Stewart

Is Productivity A Virtue?

2012-02-01T18:44:58Z

Do you believe you are what you do? Is your self-worth hinged on whether you accomplish your to-do list?

As our ego is our self-identity based on external things such as possessions and achievements, it often leads us to believe that we are what we do. And out of that main belief comes thoughts like “I should be busy….all the time.” “If the house is clean, the errands are done, and the emails have been sent, then I’m a good person worthy of love.”

Have you ever uttered such thoughts or ones like that in your head? Lord knows I have.

There’s a popular bumper-sticker that says, “Jesus is coming, look busy!” The number one rule in comedy is that it’s funny because it’s true. The truth is, if word got out that son of God was dropping by, I think most people would heads down it and throw in a few grunts for extra measure.

Admittedly, in the past, I have chosen to do laundry over going out to see a movie with friends, so I can avoid hearing my ego whisper with disdain, “There you go being lazy again – good people get jobs done first and only relax if there’s time left over.” Oh yes, there have been many times that I chose to do something productive over spending time relaxing, rejuvenating, or playing so I didn’t have to spend my entire day obsessing about what I should have be doing. Have you ever suffered from a bad case of the shoulds? You finally make time to relax or have fun and then you spend the whole time feeling bad – there you are trying to JUST BE and shoulding yourself. God bless us – we try desperately to enjoy yourselves but so often we just end up in a state of self-loathing because our almighty to-do list isn’t going to-do itself.

As the CEO of Yahoo, Carol Bartz, once said at Maria Shriver’s annual women’s conference, “Let’s be very clear – the issue isn’t about balance, it’s guilt.” Can I get an Amen?

Here are some secret thoughts that you may or may not have had that indicate a belief that be busy makes you a good person…

“If I’m not busy, others will think I’m lazy.” (most of the time people are too busy and too busy thinking about themselves to really care what you’re up to)

“The busier I am, the cooler I am.” (do you ever get the feeling that some people are just showing off?)

“I don’t know how not to be busy.” (and you’re too busy to figure it out)

“Hey, everybody else is busy.” (it’s like the peer pressure to wear Ralph Lauren button-downs, Bass penny loafers, and acid wash jeans all over again…sigh…)

If you are busy due to thinking it’s some kind of virtuous act and makes you a better person, please consider that being busy is nothing more than being busy. Being busy doesn’t create self-worth, however, it can create fatigue that can compromise the quality of your life. Please consider that times of stillness, laughter, and play are actually essential if you want to be truly productive and achieve quality in your work.

Think of your energy much like a bank account. Being productive and being busy are the withdrawals. Rest and play are the deposits. Have you ever experienced over-draft???

You may have had the fleeting or not-so-fleeting thought that being busy equals success. Well, if being busy leads you to lying spread-eagle on the floor gasping for air, can you really call that success? I mean, come on, isn’t it a real bummer when you finally make it to the end of a busy week – it’s Friday night – and there you are at home fast asleep on the couch by nine o’clock? Yeah, that’s sexy.

Do you want to have more rest, relaxation and fun in your life? It’s not really about better time management and making charts, it’s about having the courage to turn your back on a voice that has made you believe that productivity is virtuous like being honest and being generous.

It’s about creating a loving, supportive voice within yourself that allows you joy.

You won’t be as busy if you silence that chatter in your head that has made you believe that relaxing and having fun is right up there with lying and telling those kids with those UNICEF boxes at Hallowe’en to buzz off because you’re keeping our pennies for yourself, damn it.

Big Love,

susan

The Mad Little World Of The Ego: The Real Reason I Wanted Apple TV So Damn Bad

2012-01-26T17:14:48Z

I’ll start things off with a good ol’ dose of vulnerability. For the last couple of years, I have felt “behind” the times because I didn’t own Apple TV. As I noticed this toy appearing in my friends’ homes, I started to see my lousy deluxe cable package as being much like the brown box converter in the remote control era. As my friends were changing channels with one thumb on a small, cordless device, my two index fingers were plunking away on a long row of buttons.

A few weeks ago, through a random act of kindness, I was given someone’s hand-me-down Apple TV. I was delighted! In another act of vulnerability, I will admit that much of my delight was due to the fact that I felt like I now “measured up” because I too had this completely unnecessary piece of technology. In an act of even more vulnerability, I will admit that having this damn toy made me feel hipper, sexier, and hell, maybe even a bit thinner.

Ah, the mad little world of the ego. I am what I have. My worth is based on my possessions. What an illusion…what a bunch of crap.

It really is something how the ego can play such a powerful role in how determine what success is and what we think is “enough”. At times, the standards we create for ourselves comes from listening to and believing our ego telling us that we are what we have. For some people, the struggle to have more works for them, but for so many of us, it’s not aligned with our truth. Trying to attain this uniform definition of success is sending many people to the fridge, the bar, the doctor, or the therapist, because the truth is that each and every one of us is unique.

Somewhere along the way a collective hunch was formed to determine whether or not someone has enough in order to be living the “good life”. If you take a close look at what is motivating many people to live to work, so they can “get ahead”, it’s because the so-called “good life” is equivalent to earning a certain level of income, owning a house, owning at least one car, going on vacations, wearing certain brands of clothing, and owning every bloody toy that Apple sells.

It’s time to challenge the belief that success is only determined by the stuff you’ve done and the stuff you’ve got.

What about “success” or having “enough” be about living the life of your dreams?

Some folks really want to do what it takes to get the big house, the fancy car, the trips, and all the other bells and whistles. Along with that group of people, there is another group of people who wish they didn’t have to work so hard to keep up with the newest version of what’s considered to be enough. Subscribing to someone else’s version of enough can rob you of the life you truly want just so you too can sing the praises of your PVR, GPS and favourite iPad apps when you attend social events. If you are authentic in your desires to own many possessions that’s one thing, but what if the truth is that you would really like to take that money you spend on stuff and use it for something else entirely?

What if the truth is that you don’t want all this stuff and not buying it would allow you the freedom to make a much-wanted change in your life or career? What if the truth was you would like to yell, “Screw this stuff, I’m going to go sell seashells by the seashore!”

I know I didn’t buy Apple TV, but trust me, I eventually would have if it hadn’t be given to me. The point is, the main reason I wanted Apple TV wasn’t because I LOVE television and movies. Quite honestly, I’m not a big fan of either. The man in reason I wanted it was to feel special. The desire to be special is the fine work of the ego and that desire can often drive us to do more and have more just to attain the illusion that our self-worth has been enhanced by that accomplishment or possession. Ah, the mad little world of the ego. It tricks us into thinking and living like we’re running a never-ending race to be the winner.

I’m still delighted that I have Apple TV, but I can see clearly how my desire to feel special and subscribing to the collective standard of “enough” was the source of my desire.

The trick is to have that same clarity before you make the move. That clarity can really come in handy before reaching for something really big like a job or house that is going to end up only making you feel special because you have attained that collective standard of success or enough.

In the wise words that were tweeted by Danielle Laporte, “Before you choose it, buy it, take it, repeat it…question it.” Seeing if the ego is at work can save you from doing or owning those things that won’t bring you that real, pure, honest joy. Checking in on what is driving you can save you from being involved in things and spending your money on things that you will end up regretting and resenting down the road because it munched up time, energy, or money that you could have used to lift your soul.

You’ll know when your desire is soulfully authentic and connected to real, pure, honest joy when you would do it or have it even if no one was looking.

susan

5 Ways To “Practice Yoga” Where Ever You Are

2012-01-17T22:18:27Z

One of my main intentions for the new year was to start practicing yoga again on a regular basis. So far so very good. I have attended a yoga class almost every day since January 1st.

I feel so damn good.

I got a bit chunky in the fall. I started not to really care about calories. I started drinking less water and more beer. I skipped lunch which never means less food is consumed by the end of the day – trust me, it doesn’t.

In just over 2 weeks of regular yoga classes, my body is leaner, stronger and more flexible.

My pants aren’t tight anymore and my sweaters look better on me. You know that “thin” feeling that it is usually only enjoyed during the week after your period? Gentlemen, even YOU know what I’m talking about. Yeah, that feeling…but better!

I’m highly, highly recommending yoga as a way to create a healthier body and a smaller waist size. I’ve only tried hot yoga once (and nearly passed out from heat exhaustion), but if you’ve got the body type that can handle it, my goodness go for it – I heard you can burn like 1300 calories in one session. Yay.

As I strive to achieving Madonna-arms once and for all, I also listen to the messages my yoga teachers share throughout each practice and man, are they ever life lessons. The messages are fundamentals of the “yoga way” or philosophy behind the physical poses, but man, I will say it again, are they ever life lessons…

Here are 5 Ways To “Practice Yoga” Where Ever You Are…in or out of the studio…

1. Show Effortlessness In Your Effort. So often when I’m trying like hell to keep my balance or stay in a lunge even though my quad muscles are about to sound a 5-alarm bell, the yoga teachers will ask, “Can you soften your eyes and mouth? Can you smile?” They actually want us to look like we’re enjoying ourselves!! What the??? The lesson is that the pose IS challenging – it IS what it IS. The challenging aspect to the post is a FACT that is not going to change but stuff like our reactions to it and behaviours through it are the variables. We don’t actually HAVE TO look angry, frustrated, or in pain. When there is great effort, looking like you’re in pain or like heading off to war is always optional – there is always another way even though we forget there is. Weirdly enough, when I show (or fake) effortlessness by softening my face or smiling, the pose I’m doing becomes just a touch easier. Hmmmm….

2. Find Your Breath. The point of yoga is to inhale and exhale through the poses which requires a massive focus on the present moment throughout the practice. It’s amazing how many times my mind wanders to the past and future throughout a class and hence, how many times I’m not really there in the studio – as I’m doing Warrior 1, I’m actually emailing a client. Each time I find my breath, I come back to the present moment and re-enter the yoga studio. The lesson is it really is TOUGH to be in 2 places at once.

3. Take As Many Breaks As You Need To. During one of my classes last week, the yoga teacher said, “I’m confused when people tell me that my classes are too hard because you can always take a break when you need to.” Yoga is a practice that urges us to resist the demands of the ego and instead be kinder to ourselves. You are not your strength. You are not your balance. You are not your endurance. You are not your yoga pose. The lesson here is that self-worth or identity isn’t based on anything you DO. You are not LESS of a person if and when you rest. Big life lesson, yes?

4. Reflect On How You Feel Rather Than How You Did. Kind of an extension of the last message. The lesson here is to base the quality of your practice on whether you gained any high energy feelings or simply enjoyed yourself rather than whether whether you are ready for the yoga olympics. Did you have fun? Did you feel peaceful? Did you feel present? This lesson here is to challenge the old belief about what success means. May success mean more to you than what or how you DO or DID.

5. Namaste. The definition of Namaste (pronounced na, ma, stay) is both a physical gesture and a spoken spiritual salutation. We do and say “Namaste” at the end of every practice. We are saying to the teacher and the teacher is saying to us, “The Divine in me recognizes and honors, the Divine in you.” The lesson is to approach everyone with compassion and love rather than judgement and fear. Perhaps the ultimate life lesson, yes?

Namaste, my dear…

susan

Are The Holidays Stressful? Well, That Depends Entirely On You…

2011-12-16T13:51:50Z

In my last post about how you can’t “avoid stress” over the holidays, I challenge the popular belief that stress is something that we can only dodge or hide from and if it gets us, it takes over our brain and body and forces us to feel certain things when challenges come our way. That post was dedicated to those who are hoping stress don’t come ’round this Christmas.

This post is dedicated to those who think the holidays are stressful.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but our society has deemed certain events as “stressful”. No matter what, there are some stressful things in life. We talk like there’s a master list of “stressful things” that exists somewhere and this list contains such things as: getting married, starting a new job, moving, and of course, the holidays. Having any other kind of experience with those events is out of the question because well…their stressful. We talk like certain things come with a tag attached that says: THIS IS STRESSFUL.

I hear people say, “This is such a stressful week”, yet the truth is that it’s a challenging or busy week containing particular appointments, meetings, tasks, etc. Despite it’s challenges and busy schedule, no week comes with a tag attached to it saying: I’M STRESSFUL. YOU’LL BE LUCKY TO SURVIVE. I also hear people say, “I work with some stressful people.” Yet no one at work has ever walked up to them with a tag hanging from their arm that says: I AM HERE TO MERELY PISS YOU OFF. And of course, right now I’m hearing many people say that this time of year is stressful and yet, I’ve never seen a calendar with a tag hanging from the December page that says: THIS MONTH IS STRESSFUL. STOCK UP YOUR LIQUOR CABINET.

Nothing (not even December!) comes to us as anything more than what it is. Every event, situation, and person that comes our way is actually neutral. Yes, there are challenges and yes, there are busy times, but if we think or talk about it in a way that’s beyond those kinds of facts, that’s due to the interpretation we have of it and the meaning we place on it. For example, some people love camping and some people think it’s grounds for divorce. Some people love roller coasters and some people think life is tough enough. See how camping and roller coasters are only stressful for some people because that’s their perception of it? Camping, roller coasters, weeks, co-workers, and yes, the holidays can be anything you want it to be.

And bless those souls who view a season of eating, drinking, and celebrating with friends and family as a total pain in the butt.

Wishing you a peaceful holiday season,

susan

Why There’s No “Avoiding Stress” This Holiday Season

2011-12-07T20:52:21Z

Yep, that’s right. There’s no avoiding stress this holiday season. Well, not in the way that you or most people think.

There is a collective and very popular belief that peace and stress are separate from us. The way we talk about peace and stress creates the illusion that we have no control over them happening or being our experience when certain things take place. I heard evidence of this sense of separation and lack of control a few days ago when a girlfriend of mine said, “We’ve decided not to go his mother’s house this Christmas – we want to avoid the stress.” I wondered if stress rented a room in this woman’s house and relished my friend’s visits as it enjoyed putting her under a spell that forced her into being frustrated and anxious while she was there. I told her to send me her in-laws’ address so I too could stay away from there and have a truly merry Christmas.

When we talk about avoiding stress like all we can do is pray it don’t come ’round no more, we are disempowering ourselves and taking no accountability for the powerful role we play in the experiences we have.

I often hear people say, “I just want to find some peace”. Finding peace sounds like at one point we had a device that made us feel good and now can’t for the life of us remember where we put it down. And now the search is on. During my childhood my mother would often say, “All I want is some peace and quiet.” For years it was her mantra. Even as a kid I picked up on the odd and impossible nature of her desire to find peace. One mother’s day I gave her a blank cassette as a gift and on the label it said, “Press Play For Some Peace & Quiet”.

Since peace isn’t something that we will ever find tucked away in a drawer and because stress isn’t something that swoops into a room and forces us to feel a certain way, I’m left believing that the only way to find peace is by creating peaceful thoughts and being peaceful. Because our thoughts create our experience, the only way to avoid stress this holiday season is to avoid being stressful and creating stressful thoughts about your in-laws and other inevitable yuletide challenges.

So, you CAN avoid stress this holiday season – it’s just not in the way that you or most people think.

Big Love,

susan

Being Blocked Has Nothing To Do With Constipation

2011-11-01T13:56:01Z

When stuff doesn’t work out as planned, do you get bummed out? Do you see it as a bad thing? Do you feel like life has presented you with yet another setback?

When I did stand-up comedy, I couldn’t for the life of me get an agent so that I could audition for television and commercial roles. Some came as close as being very interested, but no one signed me. I landed a starring role in a Sleep Country Canada spot because I knew someone who knew someone. Alas, it never aired. Even though I had the experience and credentials to warrant an agent, they never let poor Susan join in any reindeer games.

I now see that I didn’t get an agent because I wasn’t supposed to. The universe rocked out another kind of magic, the non-event. I was being blocked from going any further in make because I wasn’t meant to do stand-up and be in “show biz” for the long haul. Not getting an agent was part of the cosmic nudge that nudged me out of stand-up comedy into a Human Resources career that led me to do the writing and speaking I now do today.

Seeing the non-events in our lives from a higher perspective helps keep one calm and hopeful when stressful thoughts can easily be created. When something we want to have happen doesn’t end up happening, that’s a sign indicating that the universe has other plans for us. When we don’t get the job, when the trip gets canceled, or they don’t accept the offer we put on the house, we can see it as negative or we can see that we’re meant to experience something different. Our lives often show us that the non-events are just as magical as the events or in other words, they too happen for a reason.

Next time something doesn’t work out, go back in time to when you were single. You were dating. You were a player. Okay, you were dating. You met someone you really liked. You were a smitten kitten. It was hot and heavy. When you got to work in the mornings you were that good kind of tired. Everything was wonderful. Then one day, they dumped your rear end…broke your heart into a million pieces. You were devastated. You stayed in your pajamas for roughly a week. Hygiene wasn’t much of a priority for you. Your friends would call, but you didn’t want to talk to them because you were afraid they would wreck the vibe of your misery. These were the dark days of the soul. Now, think of all the reasons why you’re so relieved and happy you are that you didn’t end up spending the rest of your living days with that person! There’s the magic of being blocked!

When things happen in our lives we often call them miracles. When things don’t happen as planned, can you see that for some reason you’re being blocked and that the non-events in life are very much miracles too?

Big Love,

susan

Us And Our First World Problems…Lightening Up With An “Attitude Of Gratitude”

2011-10-31T17:55:43Z

“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” – Eric Hoffer

One thing I have learned over the last few years is that stress and gratitude simply cannot exist at the same time. Especially when a change or a challenge enters our lives, we have this opportunity to lighten up by realizing how good we truly have it; how much we do have; and how many things are going well!

People get all stressed out in traffic-jams as they sit in their cars – their cars! Those things are expensive and hey, I’m pretty sure that no matter how bad the traffic, walking would take much longer. Instead of huffing and puffing and honking our horns as we sit on the highway, we can take a look at how lucky we are to be driving in the first place and say, “Wow! Look at me in my car!” At the grocery store, some people stand in the checkout lines looking completely disgusted with life. The expression on their faces is a combination of frustration and looking like they’re working through a severe gas pain. These people are fortunate enough to be in a store that has all kinds of food available in one place and they’re waiting to buy this food with all of their money! Rather than rolling their eyes and sighing out loud as they flip through the latest issue of People Magazine, they could stand there and say, “Wow! Look at me in a grocery store!” In this age of abundance where there is an extraordinary amount of access and choice, I do believe our expectations have become rather warped. We could use a little reality check to help us notice and appreciate how blessed we are.

If you’re up for a little more irony, our modern conveniences have led to the creation of more stressful thoughts rather than less. You’ll see the irony clearly if you go online and do a search for the happiest places on earth. Bless us and our first world problems. Have you noticed the horror on people’s face when their cell phone signal drops mid-conversation and they have to call someone back? In our hands, we are holding phones that used to be attached to our kitchen wall! Didn’t we love the kitchen phone with it’s mile-long cord that made it possible to chat with someone while we watched folded some laundry, made our bed, and reorganized the garage? No we can roam the entire earth with the kitchen phone and we complain about roaming charges! Not only are we holding the kitchen phone in our hands, but now most of us are holding a computer as well! Ah, but we’ll be damned if our phone is slow connecting us on to the Internet! These phones of ours basically send and receive magical signals to and from mars and if takes a few seconds longer to do that, we call it a piece of crap and we want a new one. Rather than curse and growl in that moment, we could simply smile as Facebook uploads on to the screen, and say, “Wow! Someone I hardly know wants to be my friend!” So, anytime you’re sitting in traffic, roll down your window, smile at the guy in the lane beside you, and yell, “WOW! Look at us in our cars!” Now, you’re probably going to get the finger, but you’ll be feeling so good it won’t matter.

When the mind starts spinning and the thoughts get racing, breathe deeply…take a look at you and your first world problems…notice how good you truly have it, how much you do have, and how many things are going well. Peel yourself off the ceiling by choosing an “ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE”.

Big Love,

susan

Just Like Serena, We’re All “Bozos On The Bus”

2011-09-13T12:49:08Z

“We’re all bozos on the bus so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.” – Wavy Gravy, Clown/Activist

I watched the U.S. Open Women’s final on Sunday and witnessed the very experienced and very talented Serena Williams lose to Australian Samatha Stosur. Serena has won 13 Grand Slam titles and Samantha has now won her first. Before the match started, Serena was the clear favourite to win and Samantha assumed the position of the underdog.

The Aussie underdog won in 2 straight sets.

How did Samantha manage to win? Well, she played damn good tennis and Serena didn’t. The other reason was that Serena messed with her own mental game by arguing with the umpire about a ruling. The umpire took a point away from Serena because she shouted, “Come on!” as the ball was traveling over the net about to meet with Samantha’s racket. When the umpire made the calling, Serena was none too happy and spent the remainder of the match looking pissed off and throwing the umpire all kinds of attitude. Serena’s colourfully painted nails were waving in the air a bit more than usual.

With all of her experience and talent, Serena wasn’t accountable or gracious or classy or calm or didn’t just laugh it off (shall I go on?) because it would help her stay focused, relaxed, and mentally strong for the remainder of the match. How has this player of this calibre not mastered the skill of keeping her cool in a big tennis match???

I sat there absolutely blown away that the accomplished player had made such a blatant error.

My shock (and slight judgement) regarding Serena’s behaviour faded when I remembered what good ol’ Wavy Gravy says…”we’re all bozos on the bus…” In other words, Serena was just demonstrating that we are all bumbling around, doing our very best, and learning all kinds of lessons throughout this human experience.

On Sunday at Arthur Ashe stadium, despite what you or I think about the situation, Serena did the very best she could based on what she knew and had experienced up until that moment.

Just like you and I and everyone else on the planet, Serena is here to learn lessons from her experiences and yesterday’s tennis match provided her with one hell of an experience and lesson if she’s finally ready to learn it. I say “finally” because last year Serena lost her U.S. Open semi-final match when she was peanalized on match point for her second conduct infraction – verbally abusing a line judge. Seems like Serena was back again this year to learn the same lesson again.

Have you ever noticed that you receive the same lesson over and over again until you learn it? The universe can be persistent that way.

Maybe one day Serena will change because she’ll finally see that her old behaviours have costed her Grand Slam titles. Until then, all the women on the tennis tour should start hoping that Serena receives a controversial ruling during their match.

Just because she’s great at a sport, Serena’s a human like the rest of us – living out life lessons through experiences. Just like us, she’s just another bozo on the bus who happens to have one of the greatest serves in the history of women’s tennis.

If imperfections found within yourself and/or others is a source of suffering in your life, keep in mind that errors, mistakes, and wrong turns are just signs that we’re in the middle of learning something like keeping one’s cool when playing a big tennis match.

Big “love”,

susan

Stuff That Can Soothe A Wounded Heart & Quiet An Oh-So Busy Mind

2011-09-06T21:30:11Z

I recently spoke to a group of school board custodial/maintenance staff and at the end of one of my workshops, a participant came up to me and asked me for some advice. He wanted to know what he could do to raise his spirits during his newly separation from his wife. The dramatic change in this man’s life was extremely fresh and I could tell he was hanging on by a thread.

This man’s situation struck close to home as I am in the midst of the heart-healing process as well. I was supposed to write a book this summer, but spent most of the time doing things to move through it and feel better. I was more than happy to share with him the things that helped me put one foot in front of the other on days when the bed looked like the best place to hang out for the entire day.

I want to share that very list with you just in case love or life ever gets you down…

1. PLAY – involve yourself with the things that you WANT to do and LOVE to do! These are the activities that make your spirit sing, lift your mood instantly, and remind you that LIFE IS GOOD. When devastated or just generally fretting, move heaven and earth to do the stuff that you would still do if nobody was looking. Play and play often, damn it. I played countless hours of golf this summer because it was a glorious break from my sorrow and constant stream of “mind-chatter”. It’s simply impossible to attempt hitting a golf ball and wallow in pain all at the same time.

2. SOCIALIZE – even though getting out and seeing friends and family can intially have the same appeal as eating a dirt sandwich or repeatedly sticking a fork in your eye, it pays off in the end. I’m famous for withdrawing when I get blue (if my mother doesn’t hear from me for a week or so she gets very nervous) so I say from experience that isolation just makes you “heady” – it leads you to creating a vast amount of time and space to listen to and believe all the crap in your head. Stay connected so you feel supported and well, connected to other human beings, but also do it so other people can hear some of the crap you’re thinking and believing and offer you other perspectives.

3. READ BOOKS WRITTEN BY HEALING VOICES – you may be cringing at the thought of reading a “self-help” book so let’s call it something else…a healing voice that can offer you new ways of viewing and thinking about things. I have listened to many “healing voices” in my lifetime, but ones that are particularly powerful when the #$%@ hits the fan is: Byron Katie (“Loving What Is“), Neale Donald Walsch (“When Everything Changes, Change Everything”), and Elizabeth Lesser (“Broken Open“).

4. NOTICE THAT NOT EVERYTHING SUCKS – Bryon Katie posted on her Facebook page that “gratitude is what we are without a story”. I have found that one of the easiest and quickest ways to perk up or peel myself off the ceiling is to take stock of all the things that I do have and all the things that are going well. The “mind-chatter” we tend to listen to and believe (what Bryon Katie calls “stories”) can lead us to thinking that there’s not enough and that everything is going to hell in a hand basket…the biggest story of them all.

5. HELP SOMEONE – Generosity of any kind is wonderful during challenging times because much like play, it nicely gives you a break from your drama. It’s also been proven that when we help someone in some way, our body releases good feeling chemicals into our bloodstream that are normally very expensive and highly illegal. There’s a “giver’s high” that we experience through being generous of time, resources, or spirit so why not seek out some of that cheap and cheerful stuff when you need a boost big time.

6. REMEMBER YOUR “PAST DATA” – I would bet anything that you have at least one “negative” event or situation which took place in your past that ended up to be some kind of a gift later on. That event or situation is a piece of “past data” that proves that things don’t happen to us, but rather, things happen for us. Think back to that time when your heart was smashed into a zillion pieces and now think about all the reasons why you’re so happy and relieved that you didn’t end up spending the rest of your living days with that person! There’s your “past data”, baby. That happened for you and so is this current situation…you just don’t know the details surrounding the gift yet. I actually would bet anything that you have several pieces of “past data” that you can access to help you stand in the eye of the storm and be curious about how this current “negative” event or situation will end up serving you in some way. I much prefer curiosity over a panic attack.

7. SWEAT – Picture Debbie Allen at the beginning of Fame with that big wooden pole in her hand saying, “You want fame? Well, fame costs and this is where you start paying…and sweat!” Okay, so this isn’t about being famous, this is about feeling better, but I still think that woman would look at you and tell you to sweat because it triggers the relaxation response and rids the body of all those harmful hormones that can build up in your body due the aforementioned crap rolling around in your mind.

8. GIVE IT TIME & GO EASY ON YOURSELF - I ended off with the 2 G’s. Time does have this miraculous way of taking you from thinking about it almost 100% of the time to one day going fuzzy on the details. Be gentle with yourself – if you’ve made some mistakes that has lead to having a wounded heart or an oh-so busy mind, see this is an opportunity to cultivate self-kindness. Each and every one of us is bumbling around here on earth being great and screwing up on a daily basis. Compassion for all – which means you too, by the way.

That’s the list I shared with that wounded heart that day. I hope it helps you right now or the next time love or life ever gets you down.

Big Love,

susan

Can You See The “Good” In Everyone?

2011-08-17T20:07:34Z

“When I’m having trouble with someone, it’s a sure sign that person is exactly the gift I am needing in my life. Sometimes it takes me years to write the thank you note, though.” – unknown

The relationships we have (and those we lose) just might be the biggest source of angst that this human experience has to offer and one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to see them and the people involved from a higher perspective. The higher perspective I’m referring to is based on the awareness that we are actually a bunch of spirits/souls having a human experience. We are down here on earth experiencing certain things and encountering certain people who have been placed at particular points along our journey to help us learn lessons and evolve. That old adage that says, “everything happens for a reason” nicely summarizes the concept of the human experience.

With that higher awareness of the human experience, we have the opportunity to take on that aforementioned higher perspective and view all the people we have challenging relationships with as essentially “good” because they’re sent to us with a divine purpose and that is to ROCK OUR WORLD in some way – in a way that gives us an experience that our soul signed up for before it put on its “human suit”. Whether it’s an acquaintance, co-worker, friend, family member, or romantic partner, they are playing some sort of supportive role in our motion picture that furthers along the plot. All the world’s a stage, right?

As I look back on my life, I can clearly see that those people in both my professional and personal life who brought about anger, pain, tears, and more phone calls to my mother than I would like to admit, were just doing their jobs – they stopped me in my tracks – they widened my eyes – they showed me stuff I needed to see - they were messengers delivering some kind of awakening or as I like to call it, a “spiritual kick in the ass”.

Did it hurt? Hell, yeah. Did it suck? Big time. Did it rock my world just when it needed rocking in that certain way? Absolutely.

That’s why I love that quote. I could send each of them a rather lengthy thank you note.

The opportunity you and I have is to see (and remember!) those people who challenged us the most and the gift(s) we received from having spent time with them and revel in that magic. If we do that, we just might have a shot at seeing the magic that exists with those souls who are challenging us right now.

What am I learning? How am I growing? In what way has this person helped me evolve? What are the gifts???

We just might be able to write our thank you notes (pretend or real) sooner rather than later.

Author and speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer, once pointed out that inside the word TORMENTOR, lies the word, MENTOR. Can you see that? Not literally of course – it’s clearly the last two syllables of the word – but rather, can you see the people in your life who have challenged you the most as TEACHERS?

Can you see the “good” in everyone?

Big Love,

susan