The first went in to see the counselor, who recommended him to take history or logical thinking class.

“What’s logical thinking?” the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“I sure do.”

“Then I can assume, using logical thinking, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.

“That’s real good!” said the redneck.

The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”

Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”

The redneck was catching on.

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinating thing I ever heard! I can’t wait to take that logical thinking class!”

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

“So what class are ya taking’?” asked the friend.

“logical thinking class!” replied the first redneck.

“What the hell is logical thinking?” asked his friend.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.

“No,” his friend replied.

“You’re gay, ain’t ya?”

The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

The next day he sees the newspaper headlines:

“Islamic Extremist Kills American Dog.”

[DMV Worker] S*x?
[Man] Yes. Three to five times a week.

[DMV Worker] No, no… I mean, male or female?
[Man] Both male and female. And, sometimes with camel.

[DMV Worker] Holy cow!
[Man] Yes, I did one time with a cow, too.

[DMV Worker] But isn ´ t that hostile?
[Man] Horse style, doggy style, any style!

[DMV Worker] Oh dear!
[Man] No, no! ….. No Deer…….. Deer run too fast! )

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said, “What the hell? Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yes, my wife…”

She went to a playground, grabbed a kid randomly, and told the kid, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a bag and leave it under the mango tree next to the playground. Signed, A naughty blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree.

The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

Then, a big trouble-making guy sits next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The big trouble-making guy says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink.”

The crying man says, “Today is the worst of my life. This morning, I overslept, and I arrived my office late. My boss was outrageous and fired me. When I left the building and went to my car, I found out that my car got stolen. So, I get a taxi to return home, and when I get out of the cab, I forgot my wallet in the cab. The cab driver just drives away.”

“When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the gardener. Then, I left home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison.”