Which person are you in the lives of others?

Learning is a natural part of who we are.  Some of us tell ourselves that we cannot learn this or that, we become convinced by our own words and experiences that this or that is easier to learn or we’re just not good at something else.  As an educator I am more likely to say “bah humbug” to those statements.  Learning to learn is simply that. We all must figure out how it is that we acquire new knowledge and skills sets best.  Personally if you give me a verbal set of directions, you can pretty much be assured I’ll be coming round the mountain multiple times and I may even think the scenery is new the first five times.  Meanwhile, if I read or write the same directives when given, I’ll most likely only round that mountain two times and I’ll get it on the third. We all have modalities of learning that we learn more easily through, do you know yours?

If you have to tell me the directions every time I need to go somewhere, will it not be a long life if I don’t learn to do it myself independently after a trip or two?  As the saying goes, doing such a thing will not only annoy the bear you’re trying to teach to dance, but the bear may not only be annoyed, you’ll be annoyed with the bear. All of us appreciate assistance, but none of us prefer to have to assist when the person being helped/taught/enabled  has the ability to do for themselves what they seek others to do for them. In the country where I am from, not handling responsibilities of your own is called laziness or disrespectful behavior. Sometimes its manipulative, other times its simply poor habits that folks have taught themselves, that repeat often in their lives under a bigger theme of lessons unlearned like how to live in integrity.

We all prefer to engage people who “get” the learning regardless of the area of life. We all prefer to work with others who value and respect our time, efforts, assets and their own.

Have you considered stopping the sharing, telling, teaching, and training of your friend/client/child and look past where you are with them. What are you consistently doing over and over again with them?  What mountain are they rounding as though lost, or unaware that there is a way out of it? Is it over spending? Is it lack of preparation for an event? Is it anger management? is it personal/professional skills in speaking? When we identify what skill or experience is missing we can more likely empower someone to identify or become aware of the learning needed and take appropriate steps.

In the classroom, an effective instructor pre qualifies where the lesson begins.  How many times are we attempting to empower someone from a positional experience they are simply not ready for? Are you careful to gauge whether or not you are assisting in personal/professional growth or facilitating success in a way that is not repeatable for the person in front of you. The questions I consider in my work with learners when they are seeking assistance are:

1. What is the objective that is being identified as the goal/success/action to be completed?
2. Is there a known system of steps to create  that objective?
3. Does the person/company have in place a breakdown of processes to achieve that goal?
4. Where in the process is the system slowing/disconnecting/self destructing
5. What skill sets are required to facilitate the processes of the system
6. If the processes and system skill sets seem to be in place, have I walked through the entire group with them as though I am the client/customer/sales target or event being experienced?
7. Is an appropriate level of value being placed on each component of their system/process?
8. Is the system/objective appropriate to the current concern, objective, or on-going success?
9. What can be purchased/hired out/facilitated while skills are being acquired, or bartered as new skills needed are identified and obtained?
10. Is an appropriate amount of time being allowed and is there a check for understanding component to the learning as well as an understanding of how long each skill set should take to be obtained?
11. Are learning styles/modalities being considered before choosing training/software/purchased education or assistance?
12. At the end of the newly learned process and practice will the objectives for independent implementation be profitable or is this a task that simply has to be allowed to be done by an area expert, serviceman, or facilitator (is this too expensive for that person to learn to do in times of money, time spent, and value for labor extended)  Will the time invested be appropriate for the role the person performs in their position?

Systems management is important in our lives. Systems management in an entrepreneur’s life is essential for survival.  So often as we begin, our friends, cohorts, and mentors may assist us with their experience and knowledge to know how to begin or to assist with skill they can barter or freely give to us to assist us. It is my experience though, that even when gifting experience or skills, without further educating the receiver of the value of the time/energy/gift received, the effort becomes enabling, not empowering to the receiver

When we enable others we take away their power to own their success.  When we enable others our own ability to engage excellence is hindered by the conflict of alignments of helping versus hindering.  Integrity demands that alignment of purpose, procedure and products in our lives happen. Without the alignment of our actions and objectives, frustration is created, and relationships are strained.

Are you a mentor? parent? friend? coach?  Are you empowering others to be all they can be or are you enabling them to manipulate, depend upon, or continue self taught bad behaviors that are in the long run not only bad for the bear, but for you too?

We are all teachers and we are all learners.  The real question becomes what is it we are teaching and what are we learning ourselves? What are we preventing others from learning? When we choose to engage in others lives are we enabling or empowering them? What are our motives in the interaction? Leaders empower the people they engage. What are you experiencing in your walk with others?

What are you not plugging in? What resources do you have right in front of you ready to work if you simply plugged in?  When will you take time to return to the basics of what’s not working in your life? Basics matter….our lives do not work as well if we do not seek God’s plan for our lives…even when His plans don’t make sense…ask me how I know…

Part of my “owning my life” stuff is realizing that I am too often trying to run my life without plugging into God first that day.  My intention is to always seek God first, but darn it I regularly find myself taking management liberties with His plan for my life.  Can you relate?  Then when I am weary, frustrated, and knowing something is just not right….I realize that I’ve neglected to plug in for God’s resources into my life….peace, joy, wisdom, direction, and love.  God is God and the short of it is I am not.

Ouch.

What areas of your life are you unplugged? How are you seeking to “own your life”? Are you walking in integrity with yourself?  I wasn’t.  I would say “I’d like to lose weight” and while my friends would suggest that it wasn’t how much I ate, but perhaps what I ate….that maybe, just maybe wheat and other things were part of the problem. Nonsense I said, I’ve eaten it for ages…then a month came up that I was willing to go without wheat for 30 days…31 pounds later and a WHOLE lotta better health. Because I am a Thomas, I did eat wheat again and when I did,  I could immediately sense “danger Will Robinson…I was swelling.”  Who knew? Wheat sensitive?  When we get so used to what it is our experience, we forget that our experience may be in no way shape or form what THE experience that was intended can be….ever tried blow drying your hair without electricity….waving your hands back and forth in no way makes the same effect happen as a plugged in blow dryer.  So is our life…without God it simply isn’t the same…

Are you unplugged?

Stephen Covey says the 5 emotional cancers are: criticizing, complaining, comparing, competing, and a spirit of contention present in your daily life. I so agree.  We all seem to have drank the kool-aid that more is more…and as Allyson Lewis so eloquently put it in her book, The 7 Minute Solution, she came to a place where she wanted MORE, not more…MORE meaning MORE service, MORE family MORE joy, MORE of a life she actually wanted to live.

Amen.

As I have traveled on the road the last few weeks with clients on book tours, conferences, and launches, it has been an unusual time of busy reflection.  I speak to strangers, to folks I work with, and to anyone who remotely captures my heart and/or interest all.the.time.  I love people.  What has captured my attention is the overwhelming repeating story that no matter where I am, what role I am being that moment, people are seeking peace and acceptance. People want peace in their lives again, purpose, and a sense that their lives have value past their daily existence.  Individuals are looking for a better life. That life isn’t defined in wealth, but in meaningful experiences and the peace and joy that has left their buildings, neighborhoods, and hearts.

One of the joys of my journeys lately has been to witness the power of human interaction with divine empowerment.  God showing up in the perfect moments looking alot like ordinary humans being obedient.  Mothers praying for their children, folks with illness ministering to those who have no physical illness, but emotionally are much weaker than the physically ill one in front of them. In a prayer room in Dallas yesterday I heard a wise woman tell the person who had sought prayer that she needed to rest in God and allow laughter back in her life.  Seemingly simply…yet oh so powerful…God doesn’t tell us to work all of the time, focus on toil and troubles, nor that we are not enough…no..God tells us to rest in Him, to let Him carry our burdens of anger, resentment, pain, and shame…to allow Him to be responsible for our worries, to release them to Him …for He will meet our needs, not us…if we simply trust Him and are obedient to the life he has for us….

God says in Him everything is possible…

My marriage and family is proof of God’s restoration. In a family who hadn’t experienced ANYONE’s marriage crumbling in the close relatives there I was twice divorced, unhappy, and I did not even get into the motherhood business until I was thirty….yet God restored my broken heart. In the most unusual way of showing up, Les Berry was and is the answer to many nights lament that God would heal my broken heart and allow a do over… happy marriage…and four children and step teens and adults call me Mom..and over twenty more have known me as Mom for a season of their lives…God is good….and he is truthful in what He will do when we choose to trust His word…

For those who know me you can say an “amen” (now let’s not shout too loudly)  but somethings you have to experience to understand.  I.am.a.high.energy.hot.mess.  I love creating, and supporting creative projects that empower people.  The joy of working on projects that reach, teach, and touch people’s lives have created a vertical learning curve for many years for me….whether it was publishing, filming, social media, or strategy….I simply love to learn skills that support living your personal and professional purpose in life..  It has been one of the surprizes of my life that God had a plan for that too….well after all, He is God…but can he really handle a hot mess like me? (perhaps proof again, that He IS God)  Winning to me means running my own race, to live a life of obedience to whatever it is that God brings into my life. To work through the training of mind, body, and spirit until His will is done in my life….

a tough race to be sure….but the joy of this journey is peace….not ease…peace that means even on the hardest emotionally punched day, that God is present.  That when flesh rips and emotions rage because of something fleshy, God is there…if I will allow Him to be.  Winning the race daily means coming to God first…then laying HIS plans straight, not your own…such an easy concept, such a hard course for most of us to lay down our control….

What are you ready to win? Fame? Fortune? Finesse? Or are you seeking to win the favor of God in all that you do? Win the abundance of God in every moment of your life? Win the power and strength of God in your every day existence?  It’s real…and its promised to us if we simply do the seemingly impossible….surrender the race to Him….and let Him redesign the course you are running until like Eric Liddell, you feel God’s pleasure when you run…..

God has set my race….and I can tell you…I don’t know the course, I’m not sure of the distance, I feel inadequate to even line up….but his race I am running….and though I may stumble ….the race is God’s….for I am ready to win peace, joy, abundance, provision, purpose, and the wealth of a life spent using God’s gifts for others…working through the “stuff” that I so need to shed, allowing His love to complete the work He began in me….tough stuff…real stuff…but worthwhile because in the long run, running God’s race for my life is all that truly matters…His approval the only one that counts…

and I’m finally ready to give up whatever it takes….and the list so far has been long, hard, and my fingers are tired from trying to hold on to silly things in my life I was never intended to hold….but God is God and I am not….and so the race begins…..two by four thwack lessons included for my hard head….for it seems I don’t learn by simple reminders….it takes a thwack regularly to get my attention…and it turns out that I’m not very into those 2×4 thwacks…so I will listen more intently, accept more readily, and learn more completely that which God has set before me to do….

Anyone ready to join me for THAT race?

Click here to read part 1 First

The last two years I have witnessed the joy of work by Deborah Mersino (@DeborahMersino),  Allan Branch and Steven Bristol (@LessEverything), the founder of the leadership group #LeadfromWithin, the amazing Lolly Daskal (@LollyDaskal),  Steven W Anderson, @web20classroom, @MamaBritt, and the ever kind @David_Carpenter and so many many others who as Creatives or Leaders hear daily “how do I keep up with it all, how do I keep first things first?”They live transparently seeking tools and sharing lessons as they go.   I have watched their efforts, interacted with their chats and I know that this methodology of thinking through and acting on life in 7 minute increments is powerful stuff.  Busy people are busy people whether workers, leaders, parents or children yet to have the level of engagement we seek in life, priorities MUST be decided upon. It won’t matter if its my traumatic brain injured clients, the parents of autistic children and adults, the entrepreneurs, or the instructional leadership teams for leadership. This book will matter. This book does matter, This book has mattered already in my family’s life.  It systematically takes you through dialogues to more pragmatically support the evidences of “Why’s” in your core values. It takes a purpose driven concept through the bases to a home run on values driven engagement in life home run.

Does your daily life set up a plan each day to align your values to the blueprints for your goals that day? Owning my life and making it mine has meant for me that yes, Margaret, values matter in my daily existence and need to show up as using the gifts I was given for others daily in my life.  You see, that country girl, raised not 70 miles from my own rural home, has captured it….the essence…of why and how folks can fuel their desire to live a passionate purpose life based on their values driven blueprint. I cannot imagine a better gift for our marriage, my children’s lives, and the young people’s world I am often engaged in. That is why you see me tweeting so much about #Just7, for truly in just 7 minutes at a time I have had the following results the last 24 days after reading this book:

• I have lost 24 lbs because I have given myself permission to simply BE who I am built to be….a Creative who LOVES to see Art alive in people’s lives as I cultivate projects to empower people. It is as Eric Liddell said “I feel God’s pleasure” when I create strategy blueprints for speakers and projects that allow them to fly and improve people’s lives.
• The artistic side of my heart has been set free after many years of trying to assimilate into a more analytic world of  non-creatives who only seek profit financially not profiting people’s life existence.
• My children have noticed (now they are teens and adults…let’s all stop and think on that miracle) and spoke of the joy they are seeing in my life
• My husband Les has simply said I smile more and more often…which is hard to believe, for I am a happy person in general
• Laughter has returned to our marriage and home…I have traditionally been the reserved one, trying to conform and work in a systematic method of analytical conformity when I am the girl who would splash the mud puddle on purpose and make mosaics out of the splashes naturally
• Connected to two new friends whom I was a bit intimidated to engage, but have in three weeks understood they were a God gift waiting on ME.
• Les and I have completely re-charted the next ten years of our life based on shared renewed purpose of our Basics Matter and A Joyful Place Called Home experiences
• The dogs (we have 5) want to know what is up with Mom wanting to walk at 4:00 instead of 9, because everything is on track to get 5 done before 11 am and then play the rest of the day.
• Professionally, I have released some toxic connections that simply needed to be with someone who would “get” their methodology of business, but as for our home, if its not cultivating projects to empower people, we simply do.not.work together. Money comes with doing things well, but nothing is worth the price of working with greedy or folks not living in integrity with their intended business results.
• We, as a family have simply been more joyful, and joyful in a blended family at the holidays, is a GREAT way to be.

So in short, I never did get that cup of coffee…but what that fellow Arkansan served that day, was a life changing experience…and for that I am thankful…

and I hope you’ll join me in welcoming the rollout of what I believe will be a life work progress as Seven Minutes, Inc fully launches their apps, supportive materials created specifically for individuals and the interactive tools.  The book is available for pre-order now and launches Tuesday, December 27th….and it will SO be worth the read. (and on the 27the you may stream/comment/follow us on @The7MinuteLife and comment on The7MinuteLife.com wall or on Amazon and let us know by commenting on the post at www.the7minutelife.com/launch and they’ll enter you in a drawing to win one of two Nook’s for the after Christmas fun!

So this Christmas Eve…I want to share with you what has been so meaningful to me…with as always…no strings attached…but please, if it speaks to you, do sign up for the free member tools at www.the7minutelife.com and get going on the planner now…it’s free to download with a bunch of other tools I know you’ll find of value.

Merry Christmas!

Sweetie

Today’s front porch is real time media, and thinking folks like @MichaelHyatt @PWilson, @USAA, @LollyDaskal  @Allyson7Lewis, @LollyDaskal @Bill_Roddy, @Cybraryman1, @TomWhitby @Classroom2.0 @VistaPrint @SmallBizLady, @DeborahMersino @FSonnenberg @GailHyatt and so many many more are sharing important concepts and ideals. Others like @MackCollier, @KateTLewis and so many others share the skills they’ve learned in meaningful ways without expectation in the open forums except conversation.  They know learning to learn matters, and they share what they’ve learned.  They help bird-dog point us to things that need to be addressed as surely as my lab does, even if she has to bring the problem literally to my attention. I so value @AlliWorthington and her husband for that in their scoping what matters in legislation often.  I appreciate that. I bet you do too.  It helps to have leaders who identify important concepts, who empower us. Thank you. You don’t have to have a PR machine to speak what you know out into space, let’s use our voices to support integrity. Change is coming and “we need to be paying attention” as Mr. Bullock would say.  You don’t have to agree, we just have to agree that it matters to discuss the important choices we’re making for our resources in leadership. I am not into politics, I don’t want to debate who is who, but I do care greatly that quality people, products, and processes are rewarded with our business, attention, and support.

So if you hear me say someone is a Reliable Resource or tweet #RR, you can bet that I have personally experienced or vouch for my dealings with that person. It’s not a made for TV version for marketing either…Les and I have built our family and business on the premise that we want to cultivate projects that empower people.  I thank @JenniCatron for that reminder of my roots, her vision realized in CultivateHer. Jenni reminded me that cultivating ourselves means hard work, planting for a harvest in our own lives and our children’s. We are responsible to grow ourselves then each other in community.  It was a foundational launch of a great early morning meeting,  that reminded myself who I am and whose I am…a country girl from the rural South who believes in putting on her boots and working out the messy parts of brilliance. (by the way, I’m the mule pulling the plow, not the girl in the house watching the workers) Life is messy, but relationships in business, products, and services shouldn’t have to live there with intention.

<warning…Southern girl on her soapbox….lesson plan from the hard school of life>

Tune in! None of us has time, money, or life to waste, we only have one to live to the fullest of our intentions. If we all work on encouraging those who value integrity and start walking in integrity ourselves more consistently, we will support an environment for change.  People like @SarahLCook  and @RachelAnneRidge who have spent countless hours helping moms learn skills to support home. People like @LucyAnnMoll who minister to hurting, broken leaders of women…and the women they lead.  People like Thelma Wells @ThelmaW who gives me personally the courage to face anything I face through her excellent writing.   Folks like @TheCoffeeKlatch who help us find help. These folks matter. Supporting the protection of our youngsters hearts and heads, and engaging in excellence with even the smallest things that we do matters.

If we learn to give more than we receive, my guess is that like my rural neighbors, life will just be worth living.  Big is not always better, small is not always an advantage. Weak is often truly strong. Where integrity, hard work, clarity of purpose,  and pardon is asked for when mistakes are made, life can be engaging.   When we engage in a good dose of thoughtful  awareness of those around us, we can choose and support values that we’ll be glad to call our own. We’re not asking nor do we want ugly call outs, perfection, or painting difficult days to turn out swell, we’re simply asking for you to recognize #RR Reliable Resources when you know they have worked for you and let’s help make things happen for folks who work hard to do right things for right reasons. Produce exceptional products, or are have such rare gifts as artisans that one should recognize their value and quality.

My husband has served in many wars, he’s currently home for the first time for Christmas in many years. We.are.civilians.  He chooses to serve our Department of Defense. It matters.  There are places and people that need to be defended and there are reasons we need to stand our ground in the U.S. Despite the popular rhetoric, we still have an amazing country, and its time we took back our homes and our towns where values are concerned.  Our home has decided, we’re firmly committed. Basics matter, and it’s time we simply begin to do what we know to do to refocus where our homes and communities are going.

Will you join us?

The status quo was being questioned as we entered the world of television for the first decades, the Beatles arrival, and Ed Sullivan and Beaver’s mom defined what “right” households looked like though Vietnam and Nixon said the fairy tale wasn’t a happily-ever-after tale anymore.  It was a childhood of breakout behaviors, fashion, and social revolution.  Perhaps parents hoped more for definers such as  “steadfast,” “solid,” and “hard working” as the comments others identified their children on report cards, casual comments, and in bios. However, the word that repeats in.every.single.one of my six weeks, semester, and annual report cards, and the teacher’s comment remains to tell the tale.  Academic: E, though every paper could use less doodling, commentary, or illustrating. Please encourage her to focus on the problems, not populating the backs of pages with pictures.” Deportment: Extremely respectful despite her high creativity, if we could just get her to stay with us her deportment would be E for Excellent, not U for unacceptably unable to recognize the status quo of silence without permission to speak when she’s excited about what she perceived.  Remember, these were the days of children should be seen and not heard as they sat in perfect lines for the entire class.

Thankfully recess and outdoor time were still a part of every elementary child’s life in meaningful timelines. However I believe I spent the majority of mine learning how to sit still since I couldn’t do that in class (and by the way, still prefer not to). Perhaps that was a gift too, for those moments outside allowed me to embrace my imagination as Anne Shirley would, “In meaningful and delightful experiences completely created while being told to sit still and be quiet.” They were some of my most vivid journeys into imagination. I learned to notice and let what I saw take on a life of connecting of its own.  The steadfast, solid, and hard-working came with time and experiences, for we all learn what doesn’t work for us in our lives if we choose to have the courage to face each item.  When we embrace our lives with creativity, we can even choose to face with courage that we ARE able to choose what works for us and change the world with a life that is empowered by the best use of the components within us.

The truth is every child is creative.  We are born to create. The creator of the universe….well…. he/she/it created. It’s in our DNA.  As an adult I have come to cherish that my primary gifting is creativity which is within me and I have absolutely no responsibility in its initial presence.  At best, we can learn to accept, affirm, and choose to allow our gifts to be shared with others. It is my belief that that is their purpose in our lives.

As an adult who cannot imagine the world without seeing the world through the lens in which I was created, I am reminded that we too often allow ourselves to forget who we once were. Learners and artists who painted with learning and engaged with laughter each mistake and new experience with no fear involved.  Supervision of children is needed for that reason, for their glossary of experiences doesn’t include important resources of experience, but then again, they aren’t hindered by them either in their ability to engage.  We delighted in experiencing and assimilated through the creative try outs as infants what worked, what didn’t work, and what provided the pure joy of exploration.  Today’s video below delighted me. It helped me put into perspective why the things I do are important in my daily life.  Things like keeping a journal or notebook with me to jot, dash, and draw things as new perceptions occur to me, to bird dog later the “aha” moments of every day life experiences to ponder, draw, or explore later when it’s not an appropriate time.  Embracing my creativity is not a luxury, it is a necessity to be my best me.

Personally, I think having the perspective to connect concepts, ideas, formulas, and experiences into a new way or non traditionally thought of configurement is simply divine.  To allow the meaningful moments one experiences through the celebration of one’s creativity simply is essential to engaging excellence.  My medium is whatever God puts before me and like, Eric Liddell, of the movie Chariots of Fire, I can feel God’s pleasure when I use the gift He so kindly created within my being to empower others.

By the way, I think my Mom would have been pleased (and quite relieved) to know that I did not only learn how to harness the creative energy that she was so concerned would cost me in life, but its presence has allowed me to experience success (albeit in many times, non-traditional routes getting there) in many environments simply because I CAN creatively solve problems in ways others might not have perceived the problem or the solution set.  Who knew?  So hats off to you Mom, the truth indeed set me free…and you identified and spoke truth into my life and over my young spirit when you chose to embrace who I was as a person, even if with trepidation.

What words were spoken over you as a child?  How are creating and creativity important to you?  What do you do to cultivate creativity in your life? How do you use any or all of the above reminders in your daily life? What brings out your creativity?

Yesterday, three days after returning from Thanksgiving I had three clients share that their children were “acting out” this week. Not big ticket act outs, but not their usual sweet selves. I heard domino effect experiences as home was hurried how the children’s day continued the difficult starts. You see, when our children leave home upset or angry, it has a trickle down effect on their day at school and with peers too.  I had to wonder, at my advanced age and several children down point of view if the children were not simply tired, stressed from the toxic turnovers of the holidays and needing their moms and dads to “share soft” too.  We come in from even staycations tired, usually stressed from the changes, and needing a day or three to slowly ease back into our routines and sleep patterns.  Children often suffer the most when we as adults don’t recognize how our own stress and lack of intentional rest spills over to their lives. Are you protecting your child or teens head and hearts?

The holidays are stressful for many reasons for children of all ages.  Whether it is figuring out how to get it all in at work and at home while baking the Martha Stewart perfect holiday foods, or simply catching up the laundry after holiday travel, or revisiting the emotional ties of Christmas and Hanukkah pasts…we all could use a little “sharing soft” this season.

What does “Sharing Soft” look like at our house?  It means intentionally keeping some rhythms in place during the holiday weeks. We eat at the same time, we work on menus that are supportive of a busy lifestyle.  We watch how many carbs are in the menu because in our home we know they translate emotional response if overloaded.  It looks like calling time outs and talking about what is important to each of us during the Christmas season and letting go that which is not important for our family. It means that we’re aware that money doesn’t buy happiness, and despite the hype what matters at holiday giving time is the giving, not the getting…though we’re thankful for that too. Sharing soft means that when mistakes are made, a soft voice and an extra breath is taken before responding because we are all under alot of expectations this season.

We all need a soft place to land in our lives.  It seems to me that home is the place I want our family to find that place where soft is shared with them.  As much as I love “orchestrating” special meals and times together, most important is our family’s head and hearts and I encourage you too to “share soft” with your family this holiday season.

she loves to bake, and share what she makes with others….

she wonders if it’ll matter, what she is on the inside or will they simply dismiss her based on her outer shell

folks can be so skin deep sometimes…

A stranger comes to the door…all of seventy and three she’s come to call…a new friend

We watch them, her seventy plus three old wrinkled hands, working the potholders with such delicate care

presenting, sharing, caring that a new family in town has warmth and welcome

My daughter smiles and connects to the blue eyes dancing, her snow white hair, and somehow the sixty years between them disappears..

a heart for baking they share and the kindred spirit of giving…before long they are immersed in laughter and sharing…

For our newcomer has opened more than our front door…

hugging our necks and welcoming us into her town, her church, inviting us to safe new home in her heart…

my daughter turns as our new friend leaves…her step a bit slower as the new friend cautiously uses her cane to go down the stairs…

and my daughter says to me

she is beautiful

really…

she is gorgeous…mom, every wrinkle on her face is amazing

because she saw her from the inside out…love applied focused the beauty…

and it is I who am blessed by them both

This time of year just speeds up for many folks.  I find that I become more aware of the frantic pace and faces of those I meet in the store and at second hand shops.  It reminds me and humbles me that we have so much at the Berry home.  This time of year is about giving. Whether its giving permission for something fun at home that you didn’t have time to do originally, or giving in to letting go of what you thought “should” happen that day.  This time of year I work on giving up my way and allowing God’s way of giving to be in my heart.  It’s recognizing no matter where you are in your life, there is so much more to be thankful for than we consider each day. It’s looking around our already over crowded house and realizing that there are people scouring stores for something to share with their loved ones and here you are not able to even put away all that is in the house. It’s about picking up the phone, text, or writing a letter to let people know you care. How many of the people near us are lonely this  year? How many of us are lonely too? How can we share with others in meaningful ways this season?  Our older children are on their own now and they recant story after story of young families who have no extended family, who don’t have family to go home to for holidays or for Christmas. Who have no clue how to prepare a meal that looks anything  like the storybook versions of Thanksgiving…after the storms in Alabama last spring, too many here don’t even know where the storybook is anymore.

What can you do where you are?

This week my youngest child reminded me that her art teacher provides so much for them each week, couldn’t we bake cookies each week through Christmas and relieve her of snack time provisions as a gift this Christmas?  She made and took 2x what the class size required with a note, “maybe these can be shared with your family.”  I would have not thought of that gift, but oh how her teacher was delighted and shared how just taking out that hour a week to bake would be such a gift.  Madi offered what she could do, where she is. Baking is her special gift.

A new friend mentioned that they didn’t have matching dishes like her childhood dinner with her Mom, dishes are one thing you can be assured the Berry house will have too many of.  We went to the garage and let her pick from three colors of sets and set her home to prepare her first Thanksgiving dinner with matched dishes.  I had to laugh, dishes are something I can always share. Not a big thing to me, for I am always on the hunt for bargain sets of dish patterns I love, but God so used my love of bargains to answer her prayers as a childhood set was exactly what was in the box…the ones she’d longed for the last few days facing her first Thanksgiving without her mom. Do you know the stinker part (as in God’s so stinking awesome as Sarah L Cook would say) the set I had was EXACTLY her childhood pattern she longed for.  God IS stinkin AWESOME.

What do you have where you are that would mean something to someone else, while it sits on your shelf unused?

My son is selling yet another vehicle this year. I believe this is his fourth.  As always, he has his eye on a shiny new to him jeep.  In the past, he’s not taken time to clean up his trucks well, but considered they were outdoorsmen like himself and wouldn’t care.  Yesterday he took the time to make the truck as nice as he could shine it, cleaned it out and then met his buyer.  The older gentleman was buying  the 2005 truck as his first “new” one in 30 years.  Chase was humbled as he realized what he took for granted in having might be a prize possession for another. He spent the afternoon with this gentleman, and I believe my son got the better end of the deal, the gentleman’s wisdom spoke deeply into his heart.  He showed him his farm where each item was treated with purpose and respect, for indeed each item had a role to play in supporting the man.

What do we fail to appreciate in our own lives? Who do we need to consider in our giving, our presence, and our appreciation?

I noticed our  son’s room was in a different place last night, and he had carried a stack of shirts and pants out to share with a friend who is a newlywed father and is now in a very different place financially than a year ago. When I asked, his words were precious….”Mom, I take so much for granted, I realize now that I need to be supporting folks who make right choices, who take responsibility and pay the price for the things that come up…I have so much, and here I am complaining about picking up laundry when someone else is simply hoping to have a shirt to wear for an interview”

What do we take for granted?  What do we forget to be thankful for?

Les Berry loves to hunt, but more than his love and accuracy in hunting, I love that he gives joyfully.  A 350 pound hog is truly more bacon and sausage than our family needs, but I believe he gets the huge hogs and large deer because it is first on his mind to share 1/2 of whatever he gets with a hunter coming out of the woods.  In our Alabama, most hunters are not hunting simply for sport hunting, they hunt for table food.  I am so thankful for a husband who shares his bounty.

How can you use what you love doing to help others?

It’s pretty easy to get caught up in the “I can’t haves” and “If only’s” of the holiday season.  We are fed such silly images of what family success is….this week I am just filled with the love of our Savior and His love for others…including me.  Can we all take the next few weeks and focus on the people God puts before us?  Can we share what we have where we are? Can we work on starting and finishing the day with thankful hearts? Can we ask God to help us realize what we have to share, whether its extras in our home or money we would have spend unwisely?

This is my Thanksgiving Prayer and I hope it will be yours:

Father God, thank you for all that you bring to my heart and life, help me to love others as you have loved me, to forgive others as you continually forgive me. Help me to be a good steward of your provision. In Jesus name,

Amen

Integrity matters to me.

The mentality is that you have to be “free” to have people try you before they buy your services or product.  There is a place for that in production testing, in deciding how or if something is desired in the market, and we all like to be enticed to try something new.  However, if you are a solopreneur, small business and or entrepreneur I implore businesses and clients to see if their integrity lines up with what they are saying.  “Free Consultation” can imply that at no risk to the client, they are having a “look see” at you as a service or product provider. That may be true, but to be effective it isn’t free. You’re asking for an investment of time, intellect and effort in return for a truthful taste of your services.  However, it is rarely free for either the potential or the business seeking the potential.  I haven’t met many successful companies that don’t truly understand the cost of that procurement of the client or purchase.   It may be cost effective for Big Box Brand A to spend 40 hours with one of their strategist giving “free” consultations each month with the hopes of gaining a revenue share of those consultations and transition them into clients.  However for the solopreneur, the stakes would be awfully high to do so.  Let’s do the math:

40 hours of the 170 hours a month an average worker works = 1/4 of their income producing time (and the majority of those calls may be 20-30% effective for producing future income at best, the majority being a waste of time if pre qualifiers are not in place) = 40 hours of limited to no income producing activities.

40 hours of potential interviews/try before you buy sessions most likely means 20 hrs of additional prep time for calls, so its truly 60 hrs per month of invested time

That’s 40 hours of phone time, skype time, in person time and the costs of whatever that location or format is…

And moreover

It’s teaching folks that your time, your expertise, and your services are not worth paying for.

We won’t even talk about how many of the potentials truly never had an intention of going forward as a client.

 Before you as a small business or solopreneur engage in  1/4 of your time as hopefully leading to new business, have you considered?:

• A low point of entry evaluative tool for their business, services, or products with a no strings attached value for their business?
• An on-going educational series available online or onsite to help them determine if they are a good candidate for your services or business?
• A pre-qualifier for attributes of a well qualified “fit” for your business or service is? A Checklist or Suggestive interactive?
• A component concept of levelized offerings your company provides so a company can begin where they are. We offer A, B, C D levels of service.

If these things are not in place on your social media interactions, content on your website or taught in your business blog, you might consider helping your potentials know who you are from the beginning.  Engagement happens when both sides of an arrangement are assured that each is a “fit” for the needs of their business and that there is integrity in the offer.

What are you doing to communicate your value to potentials? How are you affirming what it is you do on your website, social media pages, or tweets?  Why does that matter and how can you measure if what you are doing is effective?  ….more on this topic to come!