What would 1950’s Disneyland and THQ’s UFC 2009 Undisputed have in common? They both would omit nappy-headed hoe Clay Guida on account of his hair. It seems that THQ ran into a number of collision detection and clipping issues when it came to rendering his mangled mane. It became such a problem that THQ even offered him cash to cut his hair. Supposedly he refused, but I actually believe that it is physically impossible to cut his at this point as it has become self aware.

I don’t really think the loss is all that great. Clay Guida is a good enough fighter that he should be in the game, but I don’t think they are going to sell any fewer copies because of his absence. I think what is really going to hurt game sales is the omission of famous cage fighters Mad Max and Wolverine. I guess we’ll just have to wait until UFC 102 Evisceration to see this match up.

<Source>

National Geographic has gone too far.  It’s one thing displaying the naughty bits of indigenous people, it’s another thing entirely to tell me that I’m the distant relative of this hideous beast.  It’s enough being related to these people, now I have a whole other branch of my family tree to be ashamed of.  Wasn’t Lucy enough for you guys?  Couldn’t you have just stopped there?!?

This new “missing link” goes by the name of Ida… which I assume is short for “Ida hit that if I was 47 million years younger”.  I guess her real name was just too long to be published in any scientific journals; we all know about their aversion to verbosity in academic literature.

Personally, I don’t really understand why this is the “missing link”.  It looks much less like a human than Lucy.  It looks more like some sort of dog with a rat tail (which looks a little more human than this guy with a rat tail).  Scientists are saying that it’s the point in the evolutionary tree at which apes and lemurs diverged thus forming blah blah blah blah blah.  I’ll be excited once they can produce a 1/2 human, 1/2 ape.  And by produce, I do mean manufacture.  I’ve been waiting my whole life to reenact Harry and the Hendersons with a real-life crime against nature.

<Geekologie>

New, from everyone’s favorite friends at Fred and Friends, comes the PacMan Hothead.  This nifty little kitchen gadget is the bastard child of video game icon PacMan, and kitchen standby OvenMit.  The PacMan Hothead must have caused Ms. PacMan quite a shock.  His refusal to take her hand in marriage was always a little off-putting to her, and now it all makes sense.  He wasn’t willing to take that step simply because he was involved with the enchanting Ms. OvenMit over at Fred and Friends.

I’ve been looking for years in hopes of finding a way to nerd up my kitchen a little, and this seems to be the answer.  This all-silicone beauty can protect your hands from those annoying 3^rd degree burns you always suffer when you try and take cookie sheets straight out of the oven.  I think I might actually purchase two of them so I perform PacMan puppet theatre and post it on YouTube.

No word on availability yet, but I’m sure you’ll be able to pick them up over at your favorite proprietor of all things kitsch Urban Outfitters.  While you’re there, maybe you can also pick up a shirt that says, “I’m a huge douche” or “I’m wearing this shirt to be ironic”.  I also hear that you need to have a mustache to work there now, and must always look sad and/or disinterested whenever a customer approaches you.

Product Site

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As evident by the picture, Pixar is promoting Up through the classic medium of blimps. I just saw this one fly by and couldn’t help but feel manipulated. I immediately ran outside and yelled, “I was going to see it anyway, you needn’t use the airship!” I got this picture before it flew away. I also got a weird look from my neighbor. I guess he’s a fan of 2D animation.

I’ve recently been looking for a way to fake mortal wounds while surfing during the winter months. I feel no need to explain why, but this search has been mostly fruitless until now.

It seems that Diddo (the designer, not the singer from that Eminem song or the sex toy) has come up with a way to print intricate designs onto wetsuits. Aside from the shark attack version, there are also wood, moss, muscle, sponge, and many other textures available. I’m not sure how popular sponge and moss will be among the surfing populace, but I think the idea is intriguing, nonetheless. I do think that they should make one more though: ocean. Who wouldn’t want to make themselves look like just a bobbing, severed head? Another pic after the jump.

<Geekologie>

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Actor, Leslie David Baker (Stanley Hudson from the hit show, The Office), confirmed today that he will be playing Doc Louis in ‘Punch-Out!!’. A movie based on the critically-acclaimed Nintendo Entertainment System game, 1987’s very own, Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!. Get Excited.

Okay. I lied. I am a liar. My girlfriend says that I lie to get attention, but my mom knows that is a lie and says I do it so that people think I have a girlfriend. But damn, that guy looks like Doc Louis, doesn’t he? Ya he does. Don’t question it. On another note: I’m accepting non-imaginary girlfriend applications. Use the contact form to apply, Ladies ;).

<totallylookslike>

Electrical transmission towers, those ugly monuments to our reliance on electricity, have been long overdue for an upgrade.  As a part of Metropolis Magazine’s Next Generation Contest, designed to drum up innovative ideas to “fix our energy addiction”, a trio of French designers came up with the Wind-It.  The basic idea is to install these turbines inside of the existing transmission towers.  This would allow for the turbines to pump the energy directly into the existing grid without further construction, and reduce the construction costs associated with turbine production.

It is estimated that the installation of such devices could deliver 5% of France’s power needs.  This statistic may not seem that impressive, and really, it isn’t.  France is a backwards hellhole that just recently discovered the magic of soap.  I think they might still be a few years away from finding out about OLED televisions, and e-Ink watches.  The annual power consumption for France barely measures up to what Vegas burns through in a weekend (and a slow weekend at that).

Although wind power might be all the rage, and “going green” is all the new buzzword for corporate America, I’m still not sold on the idea.  I still associate wind power with Storm from the X-Men, and “going green” as a suitable replacement for for “I think I’m gunna puke”.   I say keep burning coal, and let our kids deal with it.  It’s a lot easier that way for everyone… except them.  They’re pretty screwed anyway.

<DVice>

I’ve written a little about e-Ink watches in the past and one of my favorite makers of these nerdtastic timepieces, Phosphor, just released a new line of watches.  Their old line, featured here, was slick but lacked the kind of polish demonstrated in their latest designs.  These will still induce the same kind of nerdgasms experienced from the older models, but now allow them to be worn in social situations (outside of your weekly Dungeons and Dragons meetings… and your Magic the Gathering games… and your Pokemon club) without any awkwardness that usually accompanies nerdware.

With prices starting at $175, these watches are priced competitively with their non-e-Ink bretheren.  They come with your choice of leather, rubber, or stainless steel band.

<Engadget>

Motorola hasn’t had a hit phone since the Razr debuted back in 1983 (or at least it feels like that long ago).  The Razr was what people wanted; it was slim, innovative, had a decent camera for the time, and sported a great display.  Rather than improving upon that concept with new phones, they kept re-releasing the Razr with new features such as MP3 capability, or a mother-approved pink case.  This decision nearly bankrupted the once-prominent manufacturer.

Motorola is once again trying to reinvent itself as a bleeding-edge (no Razr pun intended) phone manufacturer.  Say hello to the Nest.  Motorola is now banking on a demand for phones that are outlandishly asymmetrical.  Although still in R&D, this ridiculous concept is appararently going to be put into mass production.  People are expecting it to boast an OLED display and… other… things.  I think.  It might even make phone calls!

I wish Motorola the best of luck in getting this thing out the door.  And by that, I mean that it’s never going to happen, and I’m not even sure why I’m wasting my time writing about this vaporware cell phone.

<DVice>

Beloved blender manufacturer Oster is bringing to market an entirely unnecessary upgrade to their line of blenders.  Say hello to the Oster Blender with eLume Touchscreen!  If all of those unsightly buttons and knobs on your current blender are an eyesore in your sleek, modern, touchable kitchen then Oster has some fantastic news for you.  If you enjoy your current blender and inhabit a dingy hovel, then you have another thing to make fun of!

“This Oster® blender with eLume™ touchscreen technology features an all-metal drive system for lasting durability. Its revolutionary ice crusher blade pulverizes ice and frozen fruit for thoroughly smooth drinks and concoctions. The 6-cup dishwasher-safe glass jar is thermal shock tested to withstand temperature changes and its 2-ounce filler cap doubles as an instant measuring cup.”

Translation:  It’s a blender.  At $70, I’m also guessing it’s not that great of a blender.  I’m not even sure that it could perform the function I thought it would when I first heard about it: touchscreen blending.  I’d much rather have a blender capable of blending something with a touchscreen, than actually having a touch screen on my blender.  I know that touch screens are the new hotness, but just because they sell phones doesn’t mean they’re going to sell blenders.  If I may give one word of advice to Oster, it would be this:  Stop.

<Crave>