The San Diego Zoo has the most amazing thing ever. It’s a web cam. Yes web cams are amazing, but I am talking about what they film. PANDAS. I FREAKING LOVE PANDAS. This one features both a baby panda and its mama.

This is especially convenient now that a judge has ordered me to stay at least 1,000 yards away from all pandas – wild or zoo’d.

Pretty sure I’ve been staring at this all day. Take that, Superior Court of Orange County.

See the cam after the jump.

See it on the San Diego Zoo website. Click the screen shot, below:

Who would have thought that apple would be announcing the iPhone 5 today? Oh right… everyone.

The new phone is 20 percent lighter and 18 percent thinner than the iphone 4s.

We get faster internnets with the long-awaited support for 3G/4G LTE networks. The maker also claims that the new A6 processor it houses is twice as fast as the chip inside the 4S (I call BS).

On top of all that, the retina desplay sports a 4-inch screen and a resolution of 1136×640. That’s an impressive 326 pixels per square inch.

I’m sure all this means something… awesome? Will it build you a boat if you’re stranded on an island? Maybe. But, I think youre more interested in getting your porn faster. And in HD. Pervert.

The iPhone 5 comes out on September 21, 2012. It starts at $199 for the 16GB model, and is $299 and $399 for the 32 and 64GB versions, respectively. It is available for pre-order September 14th.

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Lit Motors has unveiled a new 2-wheeled vehicle that cannot be tipped over. The gyroscopically stabilized machine, dubbed the C-1, was unveiled at TechCrunch’s Disrupt SF 2012. From the popular website:

…imagine a vehicle that’s smaller than a Smart Car, nearly a third of the price of a Nissan Leaf ($32,500), safer than a motorcycle with a range capacity that just lets you drive  and won’t ever tip over

So you get to pay $10,833.33 to drive a vehicle that won’t tip over, but is so small that I couldn’t see it below the dash of my monster-lifted Chevy truck, and would inevitably suffer from a severe case of flattened vehicle (disease contracted by said truck’s giant tires)? No thanks – I prefer to scream at the world exactly how small my penis is.

Continue reading for more pictures.

On another note, later iterations will be interesting to see. C’s1-3 will probably be pretty tame, but I predict that the C-4 will explode onto the car scene. See what I did there? I just took 3 seconds from you that you will never get back. Sucker.

via @techcrunch

What would 1950′s Disneyland and THQ’s UFC 2009 Undisputed have in common? They both would omit nappy-headed hoe Clay Guida on account of his hair. It seems that THQ ran into a number of collision detection and clipping issues when it came to rendering his mangled mane. It became such a problem that THQ even offered him cash to cut his hair. Supposedly he refused, but I actually believe that it is physically impossible to cut his at this point as it has become self aware.

I don’t really think the loss is all that great. Clay Guida is a good enough fighter that he should be in the game, but I don’t think they are going to sell any fewer copies because of his absence. I think what is really going to hurt game sales is the omission of famous cage fighters Mad Max and Wolverine. I guess we’ll just have to wait until UFC 102 Evisceration to see this match up.

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National Geographic has gone too far.  It’s one thing displaying the naughty bits of indigenous people, it’s another thing entirely to tell me that I’m the distant relative of this hideous beast.  It’s enough being related to these people, now I have a whole other branch of my family tree to be ashamed of.  Wasn’t Lucy enough for you guys?  Couldn’t you have just stopped there?!?

This new “missing link” goes by the name of Ida… which I assume is short for “Ida hit that if I was 47 million years younger”.  I guess her real name was just too long to be published in any scientific journals; we all know about their aversion to verbosity in academic literature.

Personally, I don’t really understand why this is the “missing link”.  It looks much less like a human than Lucy.  It looks more like some sort of dog with a rat tail (which looks a little more human than this guy with a rat tail).  Scientists are saying that it’s the point in the evolutionary tree at which apes and lemurs diverged thus forming blah blah blah blah blah.  I’ll be excited once they can produce a 1/2 human, 1/2 ape.  And by produce, I do mean manufacture.  I’ve been waiting my whole life to reenact Harry and the Hendersons with a real-life crime against nature.

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New, from everyone’s favorite friends at Fred and Friends, comes the PacMan Hothead.  This nifty little kitchen gadget is the bastard child of video game icon PacMan, and kitchen standby OvenMit.  The PacMan Hothead must have caused Ms. PacMan quite a shock.  His refusal to take her hand in marriage was always a little off-putting to her, and now it all makes sense.  He wasn’t willing to take that step simply because he was involved with the enchanting Ms. OvenMit over at Fred and Friends.

I’ve been looking for years in hopes of finding a way to nerd up my kitchen a little, and this seems to be the answer.  This all-silicone beauty can protect your hands from those annoying 3^rd degree burns you always suffer when you try and take cookie sheets straight out of the oven.  I think I might actually purchase two of them so I perform PacMan puppet theatre and post it on YouTube.

No word on availability yet, but I’m sure you’ll be able to pick them up over at your favorite proprietor of all things kitsch Urban Outfitters.  While you’re there, maybe you can also pick up a shirt that says, “I’m a huge douche” or “I’m wearing this shirt to be ironic”.  I also hear that you need to have a mustache to work there now, and must always look sad and/or disinterested whenever a customer approaches you.

Product Site

As evident by the picture, Pixar is promoting Up through the classic medium of blimps. I just saw this one fly by and couldn’t help but feel manipulated. I immediately ran outside and yelled, “I was going to see it anyway, you needn’t use the airship!” I got this picture before it flew away. I also got a weird look from my neighbor. I guess he’s a fan of 2D animation.

I’ve recently been looking for a way to fake mortal wounds while surfing during the winter months. I feel no need to explain why, but this search has been mostly fruitless until now.

It seems that Diddo (the designer, not the singer from that Eminem song or the sex toy) has come up with a way to print intricate designs onto wetsuits. Aside from the shark attack version, there are also wood, moss, muscle, sponge, and many other textures available. I’m not sure how popular sponge and moss will be among the surfing populace, but I think the idea is intriguing, nonetheless. I do think that they should make one more though: ocean. Who wouldn’t want to make themselves look like just a bobbing, severed head? Another pic after the jump.

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Actor, Leslie David Baker (Stanley Hudson from the hit show, The Office), confirmed today that he will be playing Doc Louis in ‘Punch-Out!!’. A movie based on the critically-acclaimed Nintendo Entertainment System game, 1987′s very own, Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!. Get Excited.

Okay. I lied. I am a liar. My girlfriend says that I lie to get attention, but my mom knows that is a lie and says I do it so that people think I have a girlfriend. But damn, that guy looks like Doc Louis, doesn’t he? Ya he does. Don’t question it. On another note: I’m accepting non-imaginary girlfriend applications. Use the contact form to apply, Ladies .

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Electrical transmission towers, those ugly monuments to our reliance on electricity, have been long overdue for an upgrade.  As a part of Metropolis Magazine’s Next Generation Contest, designed to drum up innovative ideas to “fix our energy addiction”, a trio of French designers came up with the Wind-It.  The basic idea is to install these turbines inside of the existing transmission towers.  This would allow for the turbines to pump the energy directly into the existing grid without further construction, and reduce the construction costs associated with turbine production.

It is estimated that the installation of such devices could deliver 5% of France’s power needs.  This statistic may not seem that impressive, and really, it isn’t.  France is a backwards hellhole that just recently discovered the magic of soap.  I think they might still be a few years away from finding out about OLED televisions, and e-Ink watches.  The annual power consumption for France barely measures up to what Vegas burns through in a weekend (and a slow weekend at that).

Although wind power might be all the rage, and “going green” is all the new buzzword for corporate America, I’m still not sold on the idea.  I still associate wind power with Storm from the X-Men, and “going green” as a suitable replacement for for “I think I’m gunna puke”.   I say keep burning coal, and let our kids deal with it.  It’s a lot easier that way for everyone… except them.  They’re pretty screwed anyway.

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