I had been looking for something to ease my Fifty Shades hangover, but then I ended up falling desperately in love with another hot couple.

I’d even say that Gideon & Eva are hotter than Christian & Ana – and I never thought I’d find anyone who compared to my beloved Christian Grey!

I love Gideon more because he’s way more my type. I’m not overly kinky and I don’t want to be shackled to a cross and flogged. {Sorry Christian!}

But I digress.

I finished Reflected in You yesterday and I was so freaking overwhelmed. Holy hell it was an emotionally intense storyline. I spent the better part of the book being confused and pretty angry at Gideon, but hoping that he would somehow turn it around.

I’m now on my second read and I’m still so addicted to the story. I can’t help myself. I don’t care that people call it mommy porn. Something about that super rich untouchable guy realizing he can only be fulfilled by one ordinary woman just appeals to the hopeless romantic in me.

*Swoon*

I don’t know where Sylvia Day will take them in the next book, but I’m seriously ready for December now. I’m really hoping that she doesn’t make them just get married and have a baby right away like Christian & Ana did in Fifty Shades. Relationships totally change when you have kids.

All that hot, obsessive lust isn’t the primary concern anymore. And when I’m reading a piece of fiction, I really don’t want to get to the end and have it fizzle out by becoming too close to reality.

Can’t we just assume they’ll have kids down the line? I don’t actually need to read about it. I’d prefer they have angsty yearning for each other and have to surmount some serious odds to be together and then fade to black. My imagination can handle the rest of the story, thankyouverymuch!

So there you have it, yet another of my guilty pleasures. That old song Addicted to Love totally applies to me…”Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love…”

xoxo

I had been looking for something to ease my Fifty Shades hangover, but then I ended up falling desperately in love with another hot couple.

I’d even say that Gideon & Eva are hotter than Christian & Ana – and I never thought I’d find anyone who compared to my beloved Christian Grey!

I love Gideon more because he’s way more my type. I’m not overly kinky and I don’t want to be shackled to a cross and flogged. {Sorry Christian!}

But I digress.

I finished Reflected in You yesterday and I was so freaking overwhelmed. Holy hell it was an emotionally intense storyline. I spent the better part of the book being confused and pretty angry at Gideon, but hoping that he would somehow turn it around.

I’m now on my second read and I’m still so addicted to the story. I can’t help myself. I don’t care that people call it mommy porn. Something about that super rich untouchable guy realizing he can only be fulfilled by one ordinary woman just appeals to the hopeless romantic in me.

*Swoon*

I don’t know where Sylvia Day will take them in the next book, but I’m seriously ready for December now. I’m really hoping that she doesn’t make them just get married and have a baby right away like Christian & Ana did in Fifty Shades. Relationships totally change when you have kids.

All that hot, obsessive lust isn’t the primary concern anymore. And when I’m reading a piece of fiction, I really don’t want to get to the end and have it fizzle out by becoming too close to reality.

Can’t we just assume they’ll have kids down the line? I don’t actually need to read about it. I’d prefer they have angsty yearning for each other and have to surmount some serious odds to be together and then fade to black. My imagination can handle the rest of the story, thankyouverymuch!

So there you have it, yet another of my guilty pleasures. That old song Addicted to Love totally applies to me…”Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love…”

xoxo

this is a loverly quote that I’m trying out in the colored space in the blog page. It is so lovely to have some pretty words on some different colored background. I’l ltry out the quote fearture on this too!

1. Work is stupid and I really want to quit my job. This was supposed to be my weekend off, but I had to work 4 hours for one of my co-workers. I know it isn’t much…I mean, it’s only 4 hours. But even those 4 hours were enough to leave me feeling drained of energy and passion. I’m so tired of dealing with people who find it amusing to be the most obnoxious, argumentative jerks on the planet. Just because I’m your nurse does not give you the right to verbally abuse me, yet this behavior continues to be the norm when I’m at work. *Sigh* It really isn’t worth the salary they pay me anymore.

2. I took my sister out last night for her 21st birthday. We went to a fabulous little club that has a great view of the city, drank fancy chocolate martinis, and laughed our asses off. It was a great night. <3

3. It’s finally time for Reflected in You! Tuesday is the day! OMFG…I’m beyond excited! After I finish writing this post, I’m reading Bared to You again so I’ll be all brushed up on the story and can move right on to the next one. Pretty much nothing productive will get done at my house on Tuesday because I’ll be reading all day. Can’t wait!

4. I’m hopelessly addicted to The Big Bang Theory! In the past few weeks I’ve watched Seasons 1-4. Season 5 is on it’s way from Amazon and should be here tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with waiting for a new episode every week once I’m all caught up. I need more frequent doses of the uber nerds! ;)

5. I bought myself a new camera and it came this past week. I’ve been eyeing the Canon Rebel t3i for a long time, but I wouldn’t ever let myself buy it. When we lost our sweet girl Emma, I decided that I wasn’t going to put it off anymore. I’ve always had a passion for photography and I love to document our lives with photographs – now I can capture the moments in our lives with even better pictures. I just wish I’d done it sooner!

That’s all I’ve got for now. I can’t believe tomorrow is the first day of October – Here’s to a great month!

xoxo

I’ve been wanting to do the color run for awhile now, but the cities near me are always sold out by the time I try to get tickets.

This time I made sure to get registered the first day so that I wouldn’t miss out. My brother is going to fly in from Texas and run with me so that will make it even more awesome!

This is a little bright spot on my shitty week so I’m going to revel in the awesomeness ;)

]]> http://swoonhaven.com/me-my-brother-color-run-chicago-awesome/feed/ 2 http://swoonhaven.com/a-broken-heart-and-my-least-favorite-date-ever/ http://swoonhaven.com/a-broken-heart-and-my-least-favorite-date-ever/#comments Wed, 19 Sep 2012 03:57:09 +0000 Nicole http://swoonhaven.com/?p=256 Today was one of the hardest days of my life.

My sweet little angel dog, Emma left me here with a broken heart.

I’ve known she was aging for awhile now. I’d been dreading this day – sometimes finding myself almost overwhelmed with anxiety because I knew it would be as terrible and heart-wrenching as it was.

My sweet girl declined so quickly that it’s all a blur really. I’ve talked about it and cried and found myself looking around for her. It’s only been 10 hours since she went to heaven, but this day feels like it dragged on and on.

Because she had been such a loyal friend to me – laying in bed with me all those months I was sick and pregnant, with unfailing loyalty and love – I stayed with her until the end. I held her head in my lap, gently stroked her and whispered in her ear that she was a good dog.

I told her over and over that I loved her so much.

Though I’m sure she was scared to be in the vet’s office and be poked with a needle, I’m confident that she knew she wasn’t alone. She left this world knowing that I loved her with my whole heart.

It was such a difficult experience. I couldn’t help but draw a comparison to the day I said goodbye to my grandmother. I hugged her and held her hand and watched her take her last breath.

That terrible day I lost my grandmother was 13 years ago – TODAY. Two beings who took up so much space in my heart were taken from me on the same day, exactly 13 years apart. They never met each other, but in my mind they have been united in heaven by their mutual love for me.

I miss them both almost more than I can bear. I’m hopeful that with time the pain of losing Emma will ease to where I can remember her fondly and not melt into a pile of tears and overwhelming sorrow.

Here is a picture of my sweet angel cuddling with her tiny pal Gracie Juliette before she visited the vet today. I love her sweet little face so much. {Emma is the Boxer and Gracie is the Boston Terrier}

I’m going to try to sleep now and hope that tomorrow will bring better things than today has.

xoxo

She sat in my lap the whole time – which wasn’t ideal, but thankfully she’s tiny! This particular ballet is a little different than, say, the Nutcracker in that it’s set to rock music. The ballet company in a nearby town puts it on every year and it’s just a fun time! The dancers say it is one of the most fun productions because they get to let loose and wear some fun costumes.

Plus, how often do you get to see ballerinas dancing around to Adele and Queen?? Not often, I’d say – unless you live here!

The highlight of the show, for me, was the Adele song, Someone Like You. We’ve all heard the song by now {unless you live under a rock!}, and it’s still one of my favorites even though I’ve heard it a billion times.

So for this song they had a black backdrop with little twinkling lights all over it that looked like stars {which are totally magical, right?}. It was a moving performance that brought tears to my eyes.

The little person – as she did after each number – clapped emphatically at the end and yelled “Brava!!” over and over. So cute!

As I sat there watching the next couple of numbers, I was really struck by how much I enjoy the arts. I’ve never considered myself to be particularly gifted in the arts, but I find immense pleasure from observing and participating in many forms of art. My whole life I’ve been passionate about music. I’ve enjoyed plays, Muni Opera, and my high school photography class. I’ve been in the choir and band, love browsing through photos of scenic vistas, and have tried my hand at decorating and many a DIY project.

What amazes me is that I enjoy these things so much, yet I’ve been telling myself that I have no artistic talent. In comparison to some of the great artists in history, I suppose I’d fall short. But why do I feel the need to compare myself? I’m not trying to make a living off of my creative expression. It just happens to be something I enjoy.

I feel alive and happy when I create something, when I sing, when I’m dancing around the house. I’m easily moved to tears by a beautiful song or an interesting piece of artwork.

Once again, I need to get out of my own way. I need to quit worrying about whether my creative notions are based on talent and just create.

It’s ok that my forms of creative expression will never revolutionize the field of art. All that matters is that it makes me happy.

It’s amazing where I’ve been discovering little tidbits about myself. I’m sure it’s because I’m more tuned into them than I’ve ever been, but I’m excited to learn all these things!

xoxo

I feel like I spend all my waking hours on something related to that these days. I need to be careful because I don’t want to end up being too narcissistic and completely self-absorbed.

So hopefully I’ll be able to find a happy medium soon!

For now, I’m going to share a little more about something I learned. This time, it wasn’t something I discovered on my own. When I was perusing Danielle LaPorte‘s site a couple of weeks ago, I found some worksheets that she offers as a companion to the Fire Starter Sessions book. Of course, I downloaded them and planned to go back to them when my book arrived.

One of the worksheets is a list of questions that she suggests you give to a friend {or multiple friends!}. I was brave enough to send them to one friend so far. This is a friend who I trust more than all my other friends. This friend offers an objective, factual viewpoint without being a jerk.

Clearly you wouldn’t want to ask a jerky friend because the answers would probably make you feel worse and not better ;) But I digress.

So I emailed the questions off and felt pretty nervous, but excited to read the answers. My friend has the gift of being articulate and concise {which I’m super jealous of!} so I knew I’d be getting some super thorough answers.

When I got the reply within 30 minutes, I was surprised. This was a work day and I didn’t expect anything that prompt!

The answers were just as concise and articulate as I’d expected…but also deliciously positive. He listed my greatest strength as passion – said if I choose to do something it’s because I feel strongly about it and I know I can do it well. {Definitely true!}

Another question asked when your friend feels like you’re at your best. I wasn’t sure what kind of answer this would get, but I was really surprised. He said I’m results-oriented and do best with a plan and a list of tasks to accomplish {totally true!} and that the sense of accomplishment I get has a noticeable effect on my demeanor in other areas of my life. This sense of pride or accomplishment then allows me to tackle things more easily despite the degree of difficulty.

To me this spoke volumes about how I should be approaching work. If I can make a plan, and complete smaller tasks first, then I would have more confidence to tackle harder tasks later. I’d never really thought about myself in this manner, but it makes total sense.

There were several other questions with answers that really made me think. I’m pretty excited that I had such a positive experience with this worksheet and definitely plan to ask a few other friends to answer the questions for me. Hopefully they won’t be jerky either!

xoxo

1. I got SO MUCH done over the Labor Day weekend. I cleaned and reorganized the little person’s room, made her a reading nook {which she loves!} and cleaned out my office closet and under the guest bed. I also replaced the floor in the guest bathroom and caught up on a little cleaning that needed done. I felt so damn productive and proud of how much I accomplished. Plus I threw out A TON of stuff…and purging just makes me feel awesome. Go me!

2. My little person really likes school. I really didn’t expect her to enjoy it so much, but she does. She is just thriving in the kindergarten environment. She has made all kinds of friends and just seems so grown up. Considering how terrible it was when she first started preschool two years ago, this is seriously the biggest deal ever! The best part about kindy is that she likes school enough to not complain about going, but she is still convinced I’m the coolest person ever ;) Somehow I must find a way to keep her thinking that well into her teenage years!

3. I have to work this weekend and I’m SO not looking forward to it. I really dislike my job and wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest if I never went back. The only reason I’ve continued to work every other weekend all this time is so that if/when I decide I want to work full-time again, I won’t have a giant space of time where I didn’t do anything but be a mom. I know our society is supposed to be all accepting of women who stay home for long periods of time to raise their kids, but in this economy I don’t want to be the applicant who hasn’t had any work experience for five years. So off I’ll go to another weekend of work, hoping that the hours pass quickly and I keep all my patients alive. I’m far beyond hoping that I’ll actually help anyone.

4. My little person started dance class this week – OMG is it adorable. All those little girls in leotards, tights, ballet shoes and tap shoes. I find teeny tiny ballerinas to be one of the cutest things ever! Of course, she LOVED the class and can’t wait to go back. I can’t believe she didn’t take dance before now. I’m not really sure how I dropped the ball on that one! She’s done soccer and gymnastics, but neither were really her favorite. But dance…of course it’s her thing. She sings and dances around the house constantly. She’s obsessed with Riverdance. She breaks it down to rap music. My girl was definitely made for the stage. She will tell anyone who will listen that when she grows up she wants to be a vet and a rockstar. {clearly she isn’t afraid to dream big!}

5. I’m still a little shocked that I was chosen for Season 7 at Stratejoy! I really hope I don’t get writer’s block or something crazy and totally mess up this opportunity. I’m super nervous, but super excited as well! I’m really enjoying all the writing I’m doing about myself. I’ve taken so little time for myself in the past five years so it’s totally refreshing.

6. The countdown to Reflected in You is on! 25 days until I get more Gideon and Eva. I can barely contain my excitement!! I’m totally addicted to them and I don’t care if it makes me a dirty perv or a desperate housewife! I’ve already blocked time in my schedule on October 2nd so that I can read uninterrupted. I should have more than enough time to read the whole book while the little person is at school. Don’t expect to hear from me until I’ve finished!

7. My little sister is turning 21 this month! I can’t freaking believe it. I used to think adults were totally full of shit when they would say time flies by. Time goes soooo slowly when you’re a kid. Yet the older I get, the more I realize they were telling the damn truth. Somehow my baby sister is almost legal to drink. I thought watching her getting married might kill me, but now she’s like a full-fledged adult. I can deny it no longer. The silver lining is that my brother is planning to come home to help celebrate – miss him so much! I love when he comes home to visit <3

That’s all I’ve got for now.

xoxo