oh. well :o

Happy Ending

2010-10-25T15:31:00.000+08:00

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, no love, no glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to
my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, no love, no glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Mika.

note for you

2010-10-24T18:32:00.000+08:00

i couldn't find myself when i am not with you.
i miss you.

my ideal man..

2010-10-21T13:56:00.000+08:00

..must be;

1. very serious - 24 hours smiling is not necessary for me
2. very reserved - i don't mind dating mr mysterious
3. can handle stress and emotion
4. not a friendly person esp to ladies
5. opiniative person - not necessarily outspoken but has his own standing
6. sensitive to other person's feelings
7. love kids
8. caring, very very caring
9. not particularly romantic but sweet and nice are necessary
10. and lain2 similar to others ideal types; religious, responsible, etc etc.

these are not unusual criteria pun so if i never meet a person with these in him, i don't mind being alone for all my life. and i am serious.

fun? nope.

2010-10-18T23:11:00.001+08:00

i miss you.

have i told you that?

and well, being not so busy, i am expecting myself to be less stress and put on more smiles. however, the first thing is possible to do but not the second. having to confront so much of 'smart' people along the way made that seems unlikely to achieve.

life has not been fun lately. but i guess it's just part of life anyway. just get rid with it and you'll have the sweetness of it later. or maybe in future, i missed all the relaxing time of my life now. who knows? so people, just enjoy life as it is and be prepared for what comes next.

i dreamt of someone last night. i hope he'll be fine.

oh. i miss home.

what's up doc ?

2010-10-13T17:51:00.001+08:00

well well well. what's up lately? apart from being busy or at least nampak macam busy, i've been home for 4 days, from friday nite until tuesday. and biasalah. feeling of being at home memang priceless and undescribed.

mom made open house on saturday so the day started early in the morning where i need to make cupcakes and others made nasi ayam and bakso and few other things. luckily kak ekong (my maid) is a badang at our home so she washed the dishes and lap all the plates, and kemas dapur and rumah at the end of the day.

and on that nite, i bought the new handphone which i love the most at the moment. though at first it was hard to adapt and all, but now i've get used to it. and i love all the applications in the hp and i bet i wont be bored with that thingy since there are 300k++ apps available to be installed. so hello htc wildfire!

and on sunday, we went to ikea for daim cakes and meatballs.

monday, i settled for the interview, the reference letters, transcripts, certs and all. and do some reading on geotech.

and tuesday was the day of the interview. i was being interview for 2.5 hours, 0.5 hours with the HR manager and 2 hours with the geotech s.e. it was tough, i can tell. very super duper technical with whiteboard and markers. from soil classification until site investigation. and at the end of the interview, i was asked to write an essay on reasons why i want to be a geotechnical engineer. all i can say, it was really tough. and i did not expect to be interviewed for hours, continuously.

i guess if i was being offered, it was all because of my passion, not because of my brain. and i did not expect much pun since i knew where i stand. maybe somehow i need to reflect myself, think again what am i going to be in future so there is nothing to regret later.

so for now, hello fyp and poster ;)

bye oxford (not a university !)

2010-10-07T02:59:00.001+08:00

i've been eyeing a new oxford and i decided to buy. it's a 50/50 decision and i was thinking the reason to get it as a self-reward. unfortunately, there is nothing much interesting happened and i don't have reason to get any reward pun..

i abandoned my fyp. have 1 more matlab program need to be done before 18th oct.

do assignments and study for tests are normal. nothing much to be rewarded.

and there are few sad events happened these few weeks.

thus, i can't buy the oxfords, sadly :(

will be having one important thing next week. so boleh duduk rumah from friday night until tuesday.. i hope things will turn out well since i want it badlyyyyy... need to study by now to make sure i am okay for the interview.

other than that, i have finally know what to buy for my birthday. tak sabar nak balik kl to get away from all these. so bleh beli bday present which my mom belum bagi lagi and bleh pegi tengok tempat bertamadun.

and right now, being as flexible as i can, i let Him to choose my destiny as i know He knows best :)

malas nak layan

2010-10-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

orang kalau marah, mesti tunjuk kemarahan dengan macam-macam cara. lain orang, lain cara. ada yang menjerit sesuka hati, ada yang senyap je, ada yang memerli. kalau bergaduh via gtalk/ym, lain pulak. ada yang guna font besar, ada yang terus offline, ada yang itu ini.

tapi kalau marah sebab orang lain salah tak pe jugak. ada la sebab. yang bodohnya, kalau marah sebab salah sendiri. memang lah bodoh. marah sebab kena marah sebab salah sendiri. bukannya nak mintak maaf sebab buat salah. tapi ni marah pulak.

macam bagus je. gth.

at times like these p.2

2010-10-03T01:37:00.002+08:00

at times like this, the only person i can think about is you; on how you make me feel strong, to have courage and be confident in everything i do. though sometimes the advices are out of place, i knew that i can use them one day, when in need. and it is true. i need them now.

thanks for always being around during the right time. thanks for planning to drop by my house next week. i really appreciate it, deeply.

i miss you, really.

What kind of person are you?

2010-09-29T15:15:00.003+08:00

pick one;

An adventurous person is the kind of person who is interested in visiting unusual places.
An ambitious person is the kind of person who loves to accomplish goals.
An impatient person is the kind of person who can’t stand waiting for people.
An organized person is the kind of person who likes to make a daily schedule.
A practical person is the kind of person who loves finding solutions to problems.
A reserved person is the kind of person who avoids showing others what he/she is feeling.
A romantic person is the kind of person who enjoys walking on the beach at sunset.
A sociable person is the kind of person who likes to have lots of friends.
A sympathetic person is the kind of person who doesn’t mind listening to people’s problems.
A talkative person is the kind of person who enjoys spending hours on the phone.

and well, being a normal human, we mostly have combination of the characters listed above kan? as for me, i am obviously an impatient person who likes to organize and plan things in life, who is also a practical person (and i definitely love practical presents).

what makes you, you?

at times like these

2010-09-27T20:26:00.002+08:00

i watched Dear John late in the evening today, while eating my fave meal of 22 years. somehow, i can conclude that no matter how long it takes for you to know 'the one', how long the relationship goes, how far you are from each other, how different you are with 'the only one', we can never know how's the ending will be.

but of course we can always hope for a happy end. and for me, as a muslim, i always pray for happy ends, in this world and hereafter.

we have our own story. if we look back to our past, and if we pay attention to it, we can actually write a story of our own. and the story will always have happiness, sadness, joy and tears, success, etc. and these are the spices that shape us the way we are now. but a perfect story will always exist if we are observant enough, our eyes are wide open, and our senses are sensitive to feel.

you used to be my saviour, my ears to hear, my brain to think and the reason to make me smile when i went to the bed and i woke up, each day. you used to be the one who makes me feel alive, to be as fun as i can be, and you made me feel so confident being me. and you made me feel accepted.

though the moment is not long enough to compare with the greatest love in this world, i am glad that i can say i feel 'that' for a moment.

during hard times like this, when the only thing i need to do now is to have someone to tell me that it's okay, you can do it, the only person i remember is you. it was hard to be me, a person that needs to be comfort during tough time, but it was not that hard to say good things, to make me feel confident again. and by asking how am i doing, is just fine for me.

i am not that hard to please. and for the three months we spent together is fair enough for me. i am more than thankful for that. it's just, when times like these, i missed the times we spent just to talk and how my head feels lighten every each time we talked.

i miss talking to you.

Reasons..

2010-09-26T16:53:00.001+08:00

..why i am not going to be a good mother, for the time being.

1. I am self-destructive. Self-destructive people are unstable and potentially even dangerous.
2. I don't like kids. Trying to turn a woman who hates kids into your baby mama is a recipe for disaster.
3. I am obsessively materialistic.
4. I am self-centered.
5. I am impatient.
6. I am a complete perfectionist.

and by the way, these are the hints for someone (but not you!)

was having blast during these past few days. thanks for everyone :D

muka tgh bergosip. padahal tgh nk intai kuih buah melaka dlm bekas.

coursemates. bukan semua. ada yang takde

major mates. bukan semua jugak.

rumah husna

oh simple things..

2010-09-22T13:39:00.004+08:00

.. where have you gone?
I'm getting old and i need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin.

mom told me that she does not know what to give for my 22nd birthday since i have all the things i need so she gave me money instead, to buy things i want. frankly, she's right. she bought new things for me nearly every month including necessities and luxuries. and being a daughter to raihana makes me feel complete somehow and i don't need to have a father since i have her in my life. from expensive shoes, bags and clothes, healthy food to never ending love.

and well, from now onwards, i will try to;
1. be more patient (reduce 'kind' words during driving and etc)
2. be strong no matter what
3. love unconditionally
4. be a good daughter and friend

and the list goes on. oh hello mature syara ;)

hello rational thinking

2010-09-21T23:50:00.001+08:00

in dilemma.

a new dkny crossbody or nokia x6?
i have lots of bags, 2 of them are dkny which i always use and this makes the new one surely worth the price. and there is nothing wrong with my hp since i bought it last october. but due to its slowness (lambat macam siput to check mails since i really need to use the gmail app for the stores), i am thinking of new phone.

so which one to choose? new multi-usage bag or new handphone. definitely not both. hmm..

marriage ethics

2010-09-19T02:37:00.000+08:00

lelaki kawin lebih dari satu. dua, tiga, empat. ok. dua lah. tiga atau empat rare case. kenapa lelaki kena kawin lebih dari satu? ada orang cakap, Dia nak kasi rezeki lebih, ambil je lah. ada orang lain cakap, nak tolong populasi perempuan yang lebih banyak dari lelaki. apa-apa pun orang cakap, tak kesah lah kan. asalkan orang tu bahagia.

tapi masalahnya, ada lelaki yang tak de duit, yang selama ni duduk mengharapkan bantuan dari isteri untuk bayar duit rumah, kereta pun nak kawin dua. kenapa? and kenapa perempuan yang nak jadi isteri kedua tu nak dengan lelaki macam ni?

and persoalannya, adakah tindakan lelaki ni morally right? ok jom analyze.

mengikut utilitarianism theory, kalau consequences dari perkahwinan kedua lelaki ni membahagiakan banyak pihak, so ia adalah morally right. lelaki happy, isteri first tak happy, isteri kedua happy. parents lelaki malu so tak tau happy ke tak. parents isteri first tak happy. parents isteri kedua happy (kot. sbb anak dia finally kawin). so daripada 9 org ni, 4 org happy and 3 tak happy and 2 unknown.

kalo perkahwinan kedua ni tak jadi, lelaki tak happy, isteri first happy, kekasih gelap tak happy, parents lelaki and isteri first happy, parents kekasih gelap tak de perasaan. 5 orang happy, 2 tak happy and 2 unknown. so mengikut teori ni, tindakan lelaki ni unethical sebab kalo case kedua terjadi, lagi banyak orang happy. tapi disebabkan dia pilih first case, so not morally right.

kalau mengikut kant's theory, kalau intention lelaki tu baik, untuk menolong perempuan tu atas sebab perikemanusiaan, bukan sebab simpati atau untuk kepentingan diri etc etc, so tindakan dia ialah morally right. maybe perempuan tu anak yatim, perlu tempat berlindung, tak de saudara mara ke, ape ke, ntahlah kan. and tiba2 pulak lelaki tu nak jadi superhero tolong orang tak pasal2, so takpe la kan. tapi selalunya takla nk tolong pun. semua nya just untuk kepentingan sendiri.

kalau ikut human's right, lelaki tu ada rights untuk kawin lagi. memang lah ada hak tapi kalau tak de duit, duit pun mintak wife, nak kawin satu lagi buat apa. pelik.

so in conclusion, tindakan lelaki tu nak kawin lagi satu is not morally right. unless semua orang (or majority) happy dengan keputusan tu. and kant pun dah cakap tindakan dia tak betul kalau untuk kepentingan diri sendiri atau untuk kebahagiaan sendiri.

lainlah kalau dia ada duit, bila dia kawin lagi, first wife tak sakit hati dengan dia, and dia memang dah sah2 lah dapat jaga second wife dia, tak yah mintak first wife lagi. gila betul la kan. ada jugak manusia macam ni.

so moral of the story, sebelum buat apa2 keputusan, sila lah baca buku business ethics dulu. bye

raya

2010-09-17T02:58:00.000+08:00

have you ever been thinking, what will happen in the next one year, maybe next raya?

as far as i can remember, last year my family celebrated raya in white, without atuk abah who passed away on july and atuk mak was staying at my aunt's house. no new curtains, and we didn't raya like usual. everyone did not prepare for baju raya and wore as it is, except my siblings and mom because mom had bought earlier and we prepared for white, which was never been a theme color for us before. and all the kain were bought before atuk abah had the bypass operation.

and the year before that, 2008, we didn't take family pictures in proper way, just a few snaps, casual snaps. and atuk abah insisted to buy new curtains because he told atuk mak that this was not the suitable time to think of new curtains, new baju, new shoes, new bags, because they are old enough for that.

and this year, without atuk abah around, to keep on reminding us to mandi sunat during pagi raya, and the one who never fails to advise us on simple things (and we called it berita tv3). and atuk mak has settled in her house provided a maid with her, and things back to normal. new baju, new shoes, new bags, new curtains and stuff. but still, we miss atuk abah a lot. and we started to take as many photos we can, everywhere we go, so that we did not miss any moment.

and i wonder what will happen next year? i'll be working insyaallah but god knows where. maybe i won't be home for raya, maybe i am married to anyone, maybe i am still sick. we don't know. but whatever it is, i hope things will be great.

ethical? non ethical.

2010-09-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

kagum dgn aisyah, cousin saya yang suka membaca. datang rumah, masuk bilik saya dan pilih buku untuk baca. mula2 dia dah kagum sebab banyak buku. then dia mula pilih buku. dia baru 6 thn. best nya kalau anak saya nanti macam tu jugak. bila tengok aisyah, teringat saya dulu. walaupun saya suka main kat longkang, tapi bila tengahari atau cuaca masih panas, saya mesti baca buku kat rumah. habis buku peter and jane saya baca sampai hafal. encyclopedia pun sama. semua orang tengah sibuk tengok tv, saya bawak buku2 tebal saya ke depan tv dan baca.

saya tak kesah kalau orang cakap saya nerd. sebab saya memang nerd.

tapi masalahnya, di saat saya perlukan sifat nerd saya tu sekarang, tak datang pulak. tolong lah. saya harus habiskan study business ethics ni. aiyo.

eh knape business ethics? bukan ambik engineering ke? hmm.. tu lah. well-rounded sangat. kan dah round habis dh ni.

dah lah. nak sambung baca. semalam dah puas pusing2 katil berkuak lentang sambil baca buku.

symptoms dari ubat makin jelas. risau. semoga consequences nya tak teruk sangat. kalau nak teruk, after december ok.

saya dapat offer dari satu company, untuk kerja di midlands untuk duration 2 tahun tambah tolak. kampung yang benar2 kampung. and of course geotechnical. masalah kesihatan pun tak jelas lagi, apetah lagi studies yang terumbang ambing. kalau anda, bagaimana? nantilah fikir. study business ethics dulu.

bye.

orang sekarang

2010-09-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

orang sekarang mmg kejam, tak berhati perut, lebih bodoh dari binatang. at least haiwan takde otak untuk fikir, takde agama untuk guide, takde Tuhan yang patut ditakuti. suka-suka hati nak bakar orang, buang abu sana sini. tu lah sebab nya dunia ni banyak hantu. sebab banyak manusia dibunuh sesuka hati, lepas tu tak ditanam. roh tak aman la. blum campur baby2 yang tak bersalah lagi. haih. takutlah lepas ni nak jalan sorang-sorang lagi. takut kena kidnap lepas tu kena bakar lepas tu jadi hantu.

kesiannya family yang ditinggalkan, takde pesanan terakhir. kenapalah orang sekarang ni.. manusia akhir zaman..

so bagaimanakah raya anda? oklah. duit raya yang dapat masih bleh buat senyum lebar. masih bleh buat untuk beli hp x6 idaman. dah tiga hari beraya, habis tiga pasang baju raya dah pakai. so sekarang bleh duduk rumah senyap2 buat apa yang patut.

raya tiga hari, selain sibuk makan ketupat, rendang, ayam, kuah kacang, soto, mee bandung, sibuk tido jugak sebab tv bukan je tak best, malah membodohkan minda. cerita kat tv macam apa je. tekan-tekan asyik2 keluar cerita lawak yang tak lawak, sedih yang melampau2, dan tak membina minda. last2 tido. bila dah penat tido, buat assignment. at least siap gak kerja2 yang patut buat daripada membodohkan otak sendiri.

tolong masak kat dapur? oh please. tolong basuh cawan bleh lah. masak2 ni, dah ade yang expert kat dapur, buat ape nak sibuk2.

siri beraya akan bersambung di kl next week. tapi sebelum tu, esok ada misi mencari sesuatu. orang2 sekeliling suruh bertukar ke blackberry atau iphone. malangnya saya taknak. tadi saya baca kat paper, bb hanyalah untuk orang yang pentingkan status, padahal application nya ada kat smart phone yang lain. iphone pulak untuk orang yang pentingkan hiburan. untuk manusia seperti saya yang tak herankan status dan hiburan, saya tak perlukan dua2. manusia bijak seperti saya haruslah bijak membuat keputusan.

sepanjang tiga hari berhari raya, saya perasan sesuatu. anak orang-orang yang educated, mesti bijak pandai macam parents dia jugak. mak cakap, pandai kan anak2 orang tu, sorang jadi ni, sorang jadi ni, etc etc. saya jawab senang je, tengoklah mak ayah dia doctor. genetic takkan lari ke mana. so saya tanamkan azam, mulai dari hari ni dan hari seterusnya, saya harus menjadi manusia yang bijak pandai supaya anak saya bijak pandai jugak. bukannya lembab, bila cakap jangan main tu, dia main jugak tak paham bahasa.

oh banyak pulak saya nak cakap. ni lah masalahnya bila saya jumpa ramai orang. lebih ramai saya perhatikan, lebih banyak saya fikir.

ok. next week jom puasa enam pulak. btw saya berjaya puasa sebulan ramadhan lepas. so saya tak perlu nak ganti. hehehe.. mungkin Dia tau, kalau saya kena ganti, takut saya tak larat nak ganti. mana lah saya tau lepas treatment tu nanti, saya jadi macam mana. so lepas ni kena puasa enam, barulah kita dapat pahala puasa setahun. mana lah saya tau kalau tahun depan saya tak dapat puasa lagi.

last but not least, hati-hati bermain mercun. jangan sampai terbakar jari. tangan tu nak guna untuk banyak faedah lagi :)

of today and tomorrow

2010-09-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

four hours catch up seems enough for me. i've lighten my burden by telling someone i trust about myself. and i am happy seeing she's happy. what's more a friend can wish for?

run few errands today; sent kuih tart to the customers, delivered baju kurung, and sent fabrics for tudung to the tailor. and finally met diyana for iftar. told ya that in kl always got things to do. unlike utp.

unfortunately, the plan for assignments delayed, again. well well well.. 10 more days to do. chillex.

something funny happened today. and i hope it won't happen again. somehow it proves that i'm still a young lady with good shape ;)

i've finally made up my mind for not being confuse, or thinking wayyy out of the box, and accept things the way they are and go with the flow. i am not going to let anyone, whether i like him or not, to mess with my life and make myself miserable or at least make me under weird state of feeling. i won't. and i promise to stick with what i have, and make sure to do the best for the future :)

having too many choices is not good, but unable to compare and experience is the worst. you choose.

selamat tinggal ramadhan. hello syawal! selamat hari raya everyone. mohon maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. harap dihalalkan semuanya.

man-guage

2010-09-07T02:01:00.002+08:00

if u think only women has our own language, u are definitely wrong. being an observant people really torture me. however, let me share with u guys so we won't take them as they are. have a lil bit suspicious won't kill us ;)

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: ""Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

There's a lot more, but these the only thing coming thru my head right now. will update more later :D

Beauty fades..

2010-09-06T01:39:00.001+08:00

.. but dumb is forever.

i know at this very moment, there is only one person that i want to talk to. though i am not sure why, but it's all i wish for, right now.

scheduling things to do during these two weeks, i found out that i did not include plans to finish the assignments and read for corporate ethics test. i normally don't do this. i am the one who finish all the tasks before do fun thingy elsewhere. but i think time has changed me. and i began to think that i have missed all the fun being a student because i tend to rush things up. i do works early, and i never feel something like last minute jobs. i don't know whether it's fun or not. but i think i should change to feel all the excitement in the world.

and somehow, this will make us perfect. to try and feel all of them.

people said we need to change for a better person. but being a good student for almost sixteen years bores me. and for the final year of being a student, i wish to know the feeling of the contrary me. so IF i am going to further my masters, i already know the best for me and apart from that, i haven't missed any excitement.

there is something that makes my head all piled up, but still, i can't figure out any. i should find someone to talk, to advise, but without judging me. while i am thinking that mom is the only option, i don't think it's necessary to make her worry. and by talking to someone that's on my head right now, is totally ridiculous.

and my last option is talking to myself cus i know that i will never judge myself :)

kenapa saya sayang rumah saya?

2010-09-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

thanks to the blackout @utp subuh tadi, so i managed to wake up on time untuk mandi dan bersiap untuk bertolak blk ke kl. maknanya, saya cuma tido 2 jam setgh je before drive pagi tu. 3 am to 5 am, 6 am to 6.30am. lepas tu black out menganggu hidup. panas gilaaaa....

tapi bagus jugak sebab kalo sejuk, mesti tak bangun and terlajak tido. tapi drive sambil mengantuk since semua orang dalam kereta tdo. nasib baik tak langgar divider jalan. tadi cerita kat mak sambil gelak2 tapi lepas gelak, baru terfikir, kalo terlanggar divider jln, mesti haru.

other than that, managed to buy few fabrics for scarf. tak sure lagi nak jual ke tak sebab malas nak ambil picture. tunggu lah. bila rajin sehari dua, baru jual. masih nak hunt for more fabrics lagi and do more square scarf. memang square scarf dah tak in sekarang tapi masih in di hati ku. hehe

esok nak ukur jalan dengan family untuk cari baju lagi. tak cukup dengan baju raya tiga pasang, dan baju basahan berpasang-pasang, nak cari untuk casual wear lah pulak. taknak pun tapi since mak offer untuk shopping spree kali ni, so pavilion we go! tadi dah try kebaya and kain yang baru siap diambik kat tailor. elok2 je. hari tu rasa loose sikit. mungkin dah gemuk sekarang ni. so baju elok2 je. tak berani nak try balik dua pasang yang lain sebab last two weeks, baju tu muat2 je sebab mmg tempah ikut size betul2. takut nya nak try blk... wuuu..

tapi takpe. relax.

wah. tak sabar nye nak ukur jalan since ukur jalan kt ipoh tak best and tak de ape sangat pun. mane nak cari marc jacobs kat ipoh. biskut jacob bleh lah.

lepas tu mak confuse tengok sling bag pink polka dots hijau yang beli kat ipoh hari tu. mak tanye mana datang bag ni. saya jawablah ipoh. mak ketawa. mesti mak cakap anak dia gila beli bag bukan2 yang pelik2. takpe. hidup hanya sekali. kena tambah perisa pelik dalam hidup. kalau semua nak tak pelik, tak best lah.

tadi buat spring cleaning satu rumah since maid blum balik dari cuti lagi. penat oh. dari sapu sampah ke mop, cuci toilet, itu ini, sorang-sorang since yang lain pegi ambik mia kt jasin. penat tapi puas hati. lepas sibuk kemas, tido tak ingat dunia. susah jugak eh takde maid ni. nasib baik dia nak balik lagi 12 hari.

busy dari hari sabtu sampai rabu. then jumaat raya. walaupun busy, tapi gembiraaaa :D :D rasa sangat hidup di rumah. oh wait. bila nak buat assignment ni? aiyoh.

dahlah. nak tdo since esok kena bangun pagi. nite!

it's september already ?

2010-09-03T01:56:00.003+08:00

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift, thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower.
Hear the music, before the song is over.

it was like other evening, normal, until someone made me think. and i am still thinking, sampai sekarang. and i am not sure whether i am happy or not.

done with the packing macam nak balik terus, isi minyak and pam tayar. insyaallah will be going back on friday morning. and i promise to drive safely, not too fast nor too slow, avoid talking on the phone while driving, because i love my money :)

and someone has unofficially proposed me today. gila sungguh. gila pun tak macam ni. if i am not attached to someone (though i wasn't attached officially pun dgn nazmi), i would love to think of it. hahahaha. but again, IF. still, i am attached.

arranged date to meet ex-colleagues for iftar and raya during these two weeks. rindu kak su and diyana. must meet-ups for gossips and updates. lama tak bersembang kosong. and planned to meet others jugak during these coming weeks. plus i am going to be 22 in few weeks/days. someone has promised to treat me.. :D :D

other than that, has planned few things to do with the family and definitely can't wait for raya, to wear new kurungs. i love all of them :D :D :D

will do some fabrics hunting tomorrow for shawls after the check up. yeayyy!!

okaylah. penat dh. can't wait for great weeks ahead. bye.

For Your Pleasure (fyp), not !

2010-08-31T02:49:00.001+08:00

oh well.. i realized that i seldom update things on xanga lately. not that things been good to me, nor i am happy at the moment. but since works have been evil to me right now, i rarely thought of sadness, or should i say frustration. i almost forget that i am sick (which is good) but this contributes to forgetfulness of taking meds.

and i am glad that despite all those, i am still able to fast and yet to have any leave. hoping for one full month this year, though i know it's hard for a lady ;)

been buying crazy things lately. Dresses, inner jubah, tie rack scarf, cute pink sling bag, vintage studs flats. oh. what am i turned into?

i must say, this fyp thingy turns me upside down, having generally weird feelings, of wearing dress? what am i thinking? and to make things weirder, i don't think wearing a dress is weird. weird? indeed!

i've just realized that during this approx. one week after nazmi's back to us, we talked for a few minutes je. Few minutes in many many hours. it's been more than a week i guess. and again, fyp turns me from a clingy gf into.., abnormal?

see how fyp turns me into?

i still have three structures to analyze and work on the codes while five more finished. daddy asked me to finish all eight structures in a week or two, but typical me, a typical girl who has tiny brain and ten fingers only, finishing all eight in two weeks is crazyyyy!! it's been the third week i've been doing this. and i'm feeling to explode.

and this explains why i always forget to take my meds, to take care of myself, forget to smile when meeting others, to wear and buy weird things, to call nazmi. nice.

dh lah. need some rest. bye! happy merdeka malaysians!

when things are unusual

2010-08-26T04:05:00.000+08:00

i believe there are times when we are not ourselves, we buy things that aren't our taste, we eat food we never thought we ever like it, we watch movies we hate, we do things we normally won't do. maybe it's just me, or maybe you have feel it too.

i remembered during this time, last year, i was out of my mind and i did things i regret. but i am happy that i am able to feel that way, to be in the feelings of doing unusual things, and to feel regret of things i've done.

and this time around, it happens, again. i am not sure, yet, whether i'll regret or not. i bought unusual things. and i found that my taste has changed. i am not sure whether this is good or it'll be my laughing stock of the year.

been staying up late for my fyp and will be seeing the sv tomorrow. i hope nothing much to be stressed out from tomorrow onwards. this is definitely the toughest time of all, for now. hmm..

and syara, please be yourself, immediately. don't add the toughness.

we are in our own movie

2010-08-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

pernah tak kita tengok satu cerita, whereby jalan cerita tu sangatlah tersusun, tak de part yang tak logic langsung, dialog semua kena pada tempatnya, emosi kena pada waktu (contohnya bila tengah marah, tak lah pelakon tu senyum2), dan semua nya kena dengan cerita.

pernah tak? fikir balik betul2. pernah?

untuk orang yang bermata tajam and berfikiran logic teramat, saya tak pernah, secara jujurnya.

saya rasa jalan cerita yang paling logic ialah jalan cerita kita masing-masing, yang mana jalan cerita yang ditentukan Allah. Dia yang letak kan perasaan kita, dialog kita, destiny kita. so bila difikir balik, jalan hidup kita dari kita lahir sampai sekarang, semua kena pada tempat, walaupun ada masa yang kita tak puas hati, kita cakap Dia tak adil, tapi sebenarnya ketentuan Dia tu ada logic nya.

dan logic nya setiap plot cerita masing-masing tu dapat dirasai oleh orang yang selalu berfikir balik pasal hal-hal masa dulu. entahlah. susah nak cakap sebab jalan cerita kita lain-lain. tapi bila kita masing-masing fikir balik, kenapa kita masuk sekolah tu, masuk universiti tu, kenal orang tu, orang ni, buat itu, buat ini, kita akan rasa plot cerita kita kena pada tempatnya.

and bila kita dah fikir pasal plot cerita kita, cuba kaitkan dengan plot cerita orang terdekat, contohnya adik kita. and kita akan dapat rasa plot cerita kita akan synchronize, and again, kena pada tempatnya.

rasanya macam orang tak faham apa yang nak dicakapkan kt sini. nak bagi contoh pun susah sbb jalan cerita panjang sangat. tapi nak dipendekkan cerita, janganlah kita mempersoalkan ketentuan Dia sebab ketentuan Dia yang sebenar2nya untuk kita and janganlah membelakangi Dia kalau ada masalah sbb Dia kan 'director' cerita kita sendiri. so bila ada problem, insyaallah Dia boleh tolong sebab director selalu akan tolong pelakon kalau pelakon ikut cakap director. so kalau nak Dia tolong, kita kena lah ikut suruhan Dia.

senangkan?

btw, saya kena saman lagi kat batu gajah. yeayyyyyyyyyyy!! melayang lagi rm300. lepas ni janji taknak pergi batu gajah tengahari buta. baru lepas bayar untuk dua saman. ni lagi satu saman datang. gilaaaaa... tiga saman dalam enam bulan. nice!

dahlah. bye.