Sydney Psychologist and Psychotherapist

Stress and Anxiety – Underlying Themes

Clare — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 03:18:25 +0000

Stress is commonly accepted to be a part of modern living. However, anxiety is often seen as comprising debilitating physical and emotional experiences that result when stress becomes intolerable. In my practice, I have seen hundreds of people complaining of stress and anxiety. What are the common themes? There appear to be four common aspects that shed light on the nature of anxiety:

Perception is crucial: What is excitement to one person is stressful to another. Choice regarding the circumstances or challenges is crucial to whether a person feels anxiety or merely exhilarated.
Real or perceived loss of control: Feeling some degreee of control over one’s circumstances determines whether one becomes anxious and overwhelmed or whether they see their situation as an opportunity to grow and learn.
Being out of integrity with one’s values: When someone is living their life against their innate values or desires, they experience anxiety.
Existential nature of anxiety: Anxiety can occur in relation to a real or perceived threat e.g an actual physical danger or psychological danger – fear of criticism, failure, shame of job loss etc. Existential anxiety is often the result of someone being faced with the questions of what is their purpose, reason for being alive, reason why anything at all happens as it does. When the answers given by others, doctrine or society no longer satisfy, one experience existential anxiety which implores us to challenges every choice and meaning making in our lives.

So there is more to the symptoms of stress and anxiety than removing them. Finding out the cause of your anxiety is essential if you are to live a life by design rather than one of duty and obligation. Similar Posts:

Stress and anxiety – a cry for help?

Clare — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 02:18:45 +0000

The symptoms of stress and anxiety can be debilitating and include:
fear, panic, sleep disruptions, eating too much or too little, excessive sweating particularly at night, bodily tension, nausea, migraine, headaches, panic attacks, fear or dying and a general sense of dread. What is going on here?

A sufferer may feel that this is a temporary abberation from an anotherwise normal life which is totally dysfunctional and once symptoms are removed, they will return to normal. What if such symptoms, shouting loudly for your attention, are imploring you to look at something that is not working in your life?
What if you have refused to listen to a nagging doubt that maybe your life is not how you want it to be, your relationships or career is causing more trouble than pleasure and what if the pressures you are putting on yourself is influencing or even creating the anxiety? Whatever your particular circumstances, anxiety can be an opportunity to listen to a voice that is straining to be heard. Once you listen to the language behind your anxiety, the symptoms will often magically disappear but you have to act on the choices it is asking you to address.
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Relationship problems and the challenge of miscommunication

Clare — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 01:35:25 +0000

Relationships can be challenging. You feel one minute, things are going well and then suddenly you wonder who you are living with? Conflict and misunderstandings occur and you can feel resentful and exhausted, wondering why things aren’t just easy?

A major problem can be that we often make huge assumptions about other people, what they think, feel, intend and what their values are. Or sometimes we do not see the person infront of us, instead a projection of our own stereotypical desires of what the perfect partner or relationship should be. Clear and honest communication in relationships begins within – being clear about what you think, feel and behave like and communicating it effectively, is essential if we are to understand where someone else is coming from and the dynamics between people. Similar Posts:

Love your Anxiety – It’s Saving Your Life

Clare — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 09:39:44 +0000

Loving your Anxiety might seem seem like an irresponsible comment for a psychologist to make. However, anxiety is an experience which shouts so loudly that we are forced to seek relief from the sometimes debilitating symptoms, as well as addressing the real causes. Strategies and techniques can alleviate physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety.

However, without due attention to the underlying causes, anxiety will reoccur, often with greater intensity. Anxiety might be your opportunity to look at your life and consider some important changes. When you deal with the cause, the anxiety passes. Dealing with the symptoms often only allows temporary relief. Similar Posts:

Symptoms of Anxiety

Clare — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 02:57:44 +0000

Anxiety, whilst a feeling or psychological sense of distress, also has other symptoms in the body. Often panic occurs with a shot of adrenaline through the body. For example, anyone who has been narrowly missed by a moving car will know what this sudden adrenalin rush feels like. It is called the ‘flight or fight’ reaction, when our body immediately prepares us to deal with an adverse event. This is a valuable alarm system, causing us to act quickly – in the case of the passing car, to safety. Today, many of our fears are perceived fears e.g. fear of losing our job or a relationship, lack of money or the breakdown of our community. The body reacts similarly. Symptoms include e.g:

rush of energy, tingling or prickly feeling through the body
sensation like ‘ants crawling’ over the body
breathing difficulties inc hyperventilation
tightening of the throat, choking sensation, chest and muscle pain
and headaches
excessive perspiration, giddiness, frequent need to urinate
diarrhoea, sleeping difficulties and night sweats
sense of ‘not feeling real’, churning stomach and extreme exhaustion

Coupled with these symptoms and more, there is usually a sense of fear – a fear of dying, having a heart attack, losing control and making a fool of oneself.
I tell my clients that ‘no-one ever died of a panic attack’ on its own, although you may feel you are. If you are feeling any of these symptoms, it is likely to be anxiety. It is not unusual nor is it a dysfunctional experience. However, when the fear and reactions are out of proportion to the proposed threat, then it becomes dysfunctional. Once you find oufthe cause of your anxiety, you have the key to removing the symptoms. The challenge is that the cause often requires you to make changes that, on the face of it, will cause you more anxiety. Your existing anxiety is there to alert you to what is not working in your life – it is up to you as to whether you heed its call.

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Male Mid Life Crisis is it a fact or fallacy?

Clare — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 00:15:32 +0000

Mid life crisis for men is a period of life recognisable by typical behaviour, attitudes and feelings. Typically, someone experiencing mid life crisis questions:

how they are living their life
the merits of living traditionally
whether their relationship (if they are in one) is sufficient
why they suddenly feel old or that life has passed them by
how they can get back joy and fun in their life
shall I take this last 'bite of the cherry'?

Male mid life crisis is typically criticised as the middle aged man wanting to recapture his youth, but is this justified or are the actions and behaviour of the individual an opportunity to reflect on their life and ask some important questions of how they want the future to be? If one lives what might be called a 'traditional' life (and that isn't as typical behind closed doors as one might think or desire), the conformity required can be onerous. Focus is typically on marriage, creating wealth to support one's family and bringing up children and providing for their future. When one reaches mid life, it is probably reasonable to question how much they are living their own life. Trying to grasp a last 'bite of the cherry' might be the criticism the mid life sufferer is greeted with, and yet might discourage a man taking time out to explore what is important to him and how he can ensure his later years are lived with meaning and purpose.

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Toxic Relationships – A factor in depression

Clare — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 09:28:28 +0000

Toxic relationships are those characterised by bitterness, criticism, negativity and patterns of emotional and often physical violence. They make either or both partners negative and often exhausted by the dance of 'good and bad times' that result. Things go well for a while and then they rapidly swing with either or each person wondering why they are in this negative cycle again. Often one person feels they are the one abused whilst the abuser feels frustrated and angry at the other person. It is important to identify the pattern that typically happens in a toxic relationship if you are to see how breaking the cycle is going to be possible. You might need a skilled psychologist or counsellor to help you identify this – alternatively, you can take a piece of paper and work out the typical things that one person says or does, what your feelings are, what your or their response is and so on until the cycle is complete. A toxic relationship never gets better on its own – it requires identifying what the problem is, deciding what you want to change and learning to understand why you have stayed for so long. Leaving is often difficult if change does not seem likely – the alternative is to live a life of bitterness, resentment and eventual regret – regret at a life not fully lived and enjoyed.

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Anxiety and stress – Overwhelm or Existential?

Clare — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 01:21:45 +0000

Anxiety and stress are our alarm bells that tell us that something is not working in our lives. As a psychologist who has worked with hundreds of clients over twenty years, I believe that being out of integrity with our values is always a factor. This means that we are not listening to our own 'inner voice' that says something is not working for us. This may be a relationship, an unresolved conflict, an unbalanced life or compromise in the work we do or how we spend our time. Life has become busy for us all it seems and many of us forget that we have a choice to change things.

There are costs of changing things and there are costs of not. Everyday anxiety can occur in relation to external circumstances or from inner demands and myths we place on ourselves that we can't fulfill. Often this is existential in nature whereby we begin to question how we are living, the purpose of our lives and if indeed there is any meaning at all. Instead of being something to ignore, avoid or distract ourselves from, it can be an opportunity to make some changes and take full responsibility for how we choose our lives – and that doesn't mean responsibility according to external 'shoulds, oughts, or musts' of how we live our lives. It means responsibility for choosing everything in our lives and not blaming anything or anyone else for what happens to us.

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Stress and Anxiety – how can I change my life?

Clare — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 01:38:44 +0000

Stress and anxiety are such a part of our lives and yet many approaches focus on 'alleviating stress symptoms' exclusively without seeking ways to identify the underlying problems. For many people, once the symptoms are removed, they simply return to their daily demanding schedules and routines, only to find themselves, over time, faced with the same symptoms. Stress and anxiety are our internal responses telling that something is seriously amiss in our lives. The rate of change we face, constant background noise, pollution, demanding schedules and the unrelenting interruptions through email, mobile phones and text messages. Not enough time is given to relaxing and reflecting our our life choices, instead our free time is spent 'ensuring we have a great life' which means more stimulation and demands. Changing our lives does not require us to give up all the pleasures of modern living; however, a well life is one where we live 'on purpose' and not merely falling upon the next holiday to recharge our batteries.

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Stress and Anxiety – slow down and enjoy the ride

Clare — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 04:11:38 +0000

Stress and anxiety are our reactions to external circumstances and our own internal expectations,beliefs and memories that trigger a flight or fight reaction. In today's busy world, we increasingly find ourselves totally overwhelmed with the sheer amount and speed of information and demands on ourselves.

A major contributor to stress or factor that exacerbates an already stressful situation, is the amount of noise around us. Stop reading for a moment and listen to what is happening around you – depending on where you are, it is probable that you hear traffic, car alarms, tv, radio, talking and the constant buzzing of electrical equipment- and here comes another text or email requiring your attention.

Under these circumstances, it is hard to listen to yourself think, yet alone develop an internal sense of what is right for you. Whatever your situation, try to find some time each day to shut off as much external noise as possible and work towards sitting with the quiet – if you find this intolerable, then it is definitely something you need to learn to do. If you don't, the chances are that you will go through life reacting to things rather than being the chooser in your own life. Anxiety is often a helpful alarm system that says 'stop and slow down – it's time to enjoy the ride'.

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