Take Your Vitamins

Eugene Improv

2009-05-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

Presenting to everyone the very first video of Eugene Improv.

Eugene Improv: Time Loop

If you're anywhere near Eugene and want to take part in future events like this one, check out our facebook page.

Eugene Improv Facebook Group

Soap: The Silent Killer

2009-03-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

So you’re in the Science Library studying like a tool for tomorrow morning’s exam and then it hits you like a sack of dead puppies; eating two Chipotle queso burritos was an overall bad choice. Throwing small Asian women and computer science majors aside, you slide tackle into the men’s bathroom and kick down the stall door. Ass cheeks make sweet love to the hepatitis infested toilet seat until they shamelessly spew feces forth from a seemingly endless black hole. The Sloan brand toilet smokes a cigarette and tell your ass cheeks that she’ll call you later but really has absolutely no such intention, so you give her best friend genital warts and she starts whining about her “poor broken porcelain heart” (this is not a metaphor. Also, that whore deserved it). All this occurs in about 3 minutes and 15 seconds in human-time, which leaves just enough time to wash your hands and incur a fine on the textbook you checked out. You try to adjust the tap but it fucking breaks off on the “cold” setting and just to put the proverbial icing on the shit-cream cake the broken soap dispenser ends up dispensing all over your new watch. Since you’re quite possibly the most socially inept kid on campus, you commit social suicide and sniff your forefinger. But something is wrong... very wrong. Your hand does not smell like any of the normal scents of feces, bile, scrotum-juice, fungus, blood, rust, or nail polish remover; it smells like an onion that’s been eaten, metabolized, defecated, eaten again and then vomited all over another onion that’s already been marinating in a can of onion paste. For the rest of your godforsaken day inside of the library studying for 11 consecutive hours, your hands will smell of subterranean roots. The upside? There isn’t one, aside from the knowledge that everyday your hands will reek of onions not only when you’re in the Science Library but also when you use any of the bathrooms on campus. That’s right folks; nearly every single bathroom on campus uses the same shitty brand of soap the university buys from third world Costco-knockoff stores for a quarter of a cent per gallon. But hark, there is salvation and I’m willing to tell you that it resides within the walls of Carson.

2009-01-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

Are you ready to feel UNCOMFORATBLY ENERGETIC? Then try some of the newest and most hip "supplement beverages" that are guaranteed to make your genitals more infertile than a pan of powdered eggs.

Max Velocity

This drink is so ENERGIZED it'll have you running around like a daycare-bred toddler on a sugar rush. The can even has a fucking cheetah on it, that's right, a goddamn CHEETAH, and I think we both know that cheetahs are FAST AS HELL. The gnawesomeness doesn't stop there; simply carrying a can of Max Velocity instantaneously creates an aura of douchebaggery and assholiosity that can only be trumped by the words "legit" and "dank". But nothing gets me wetter than the Max Velocity color scheme: the crimson reds that ominously forecast the shade of my urine after consumption and egg yolk yellow shaded text created in Microsoft Paint. So next time don't settle for your grandmother's energy drink, pick up max velocity and start your day off right.

Amp

It's soda, it's an energy drink, no...it's Pepsi's failed attempted to compete with Red Bull! I know what you're thinking right now, and it's "Oh Aryan, I just don't know what to do! I morally can't bring myself to drink energy drinks because of all its nasty contents, but I crave the taste of fermented 711 slurpees." Well dear readers, there IS an answer! Amp Energy sneakily places itself among Pepsi sodas in vending machines and hides so you can guiltlessly chug loads of taurine at the expense of your colon, but not your conscience. Amp is perfect for the casual energy drinker who enjoys a few jolts now and again, but for the experienced users Amp might be considered too much of a "pussy drink" compared to the usual 3 straight mocha shots laced with Red Bull, much like appletinis are inferior to tequila. As a drink after a delicious bean burrito, Amp might be the best choice, but as Shakespeare once said "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE"...or maybe that's Highlander...

Red Bull

Austria, once a nation plagued by jokes like "Austria-Hungary? More like HUNGRY AUSTRIA, AM I RIGHT?" now has become the distributer for the most successful source of advertised energy since cocaine. Riddled with fame and fortune the Red Bull corporation doesn't earn its title for nothing, at least you'd think. Red Bull-toting cronies somehow overlook the foul aftertaste of cow-urine after a sip of Bull, and continue to buy and buy the damn thing until finger twitching ensues. I will admit that Red Bull has some pretty amusing commercials and that the taste does remind me of my previous life as a bull milker (contrary to popular belief a bull milker's life a LONG and HARD one indeed), but they are just too god forsakenly expensive. To be honest, Red Bull is probably the best energy drink out there unless of course your taste buds have habituated and you need something stronger, in which case you should just start snorting coke. On the bright side sucking some guy's dick for crack is much more socially acceptable than doing it for Red Bull. My verdict? Do crank.

My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Puns, Hun

2009-01-17T22:27:00.000-08:00

So it's a weekday in the afternoon and I'm om-nom-nom-ing some college cafeteria food with some British guy that smells like a rusted bicycle frame and his extremely hairy friends. I made some small talk over chicken-tenders, and arrived at the conclusion that WWII was due to Hitler's inability to grow non-parellelogram mustaches.

After discussing who would win at a "NOOOO" contest (Arnold Schwarzenegger or Darth Vader), I peek out the window and see some woman putting boxes into a UPS truck. One thing leads to another and a pun was born.

"Wow, look at that beautiful delivery woman."
"She looks like she's 45"
"But I bet she knows how to handle a package"

If you laughed at this pun, then
I dedicate this picture to you:

Quote of the Month

2008-12-28T22:58:00.001-08:00

"I just witnessed a girl say "tomo" as an abbreviation for "tomorrow"... I think I might just have to lay down and die right here."
~Julia W.

Dracula: Bad-assery to its fullest

2008-12-28T21:55:00.000-08:00

Holy Friggin' crap!

If that was a cereal, I'd buy it. But you bet your ass Dracula wouldn't, even if it is part of a complete breakfast. Plus, he doesn't like holy things; they remind him of his past as an underprivileged choir boy. It's really a melancholy story, but for the sake of being concise I shall summarize: once upon a time there was a Tranny (that's shorthand for Transylvanian for those that are uninformed) choir boy named Dracula that was good friends with a Priest at the nearby Cathedral. They were REALLY good friends. They would play Risk at each other's houses all the time, ritually followed by a quick round of Excitebike on the NES. Each time Dracula, or Tight Britches McGee as they called him in the religious community, would win and his Priest friend would get super pissed at Dracula and...must I elaborate? Yes? Ok I will! Yea, basically Dracula would keep dominating Excitebike until his friend the Priest would get uber angry and then punch a hole in his wall which was made of concrete, in turn storming out of Drac's Castle disparaged more so at his own ineptitude than the humble soon-to-be Prince of Darkness. No one was raped in the making of this nostalgic reminiscence.

There is one piece of advice I'd advice my reader's to take, don't be misled by the spin the media puts on vampires! They don't have bouts of anger, nor does their blood arbitrarily seep from their listless bodies, nor do they perform constant drunken fellatio with each other all the time, those are things that women do...not cold-hearted men like Dracula (please, no angry feminist emails).Dracula and his bloodlings are nothing like what you'd see on television shows such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which, to my chagrin, has NOTHING to do with undead metal bands) and contrary to public broadcasting propaganda, The Count does not sit around like a flaccid wiener counting pennies and sand dollars and shit. No, no, no, Dracula is not like that at all. First off, although it may seem that Dracula has a lot of time on his hands, him being immortal and all, he actually has a very hectic daily schedule filled to the brim with events ranging from opulent wine sampling to putt-putt golf to biomedical research to his mandatory daily orgy. Oh you didn't know about the orgies? Hell yes, you heard right. True badassery. Oh, I may have already mentioned this, but just for the record, Dracula is immortal. You don't see any games called Immortal Combat do you? He cannot be harmed, aside from a few hard to come by items like holy water, crosses, fine silverware, garlic, onions, mirrors, bibles, the sun, light in general, churches, and Jesus Figurines. Ok, so maybe that is kinda a long list, but think about the orgies, man! It's all worth it! Damn, I really wish I was a vampire right now.

American Cesspool

2008-09-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already been exposed to a Sonic Drive-In, it is a shit hole. It's almost the epitome of everything wrong in American society. There really is NO way at all to cover up how much this fails at life, even a child with down-syndrome will know enough not to go near what is arguably the highest concentration of persons with diabetes in one space outside Key West, Florida.

Imagine if you will, you're hungry and you pass by various fine establishments disregarding the other passengers in your vehicle until eventually you spot what looks to be a new avant-garde form of dining. You pull the car up to SONIC DRIVE-IN! You may be asking yourself at this moment what in hell is a Drive In? Well, it's basically a parking lot with a drive-through menu on each parking space, where you can order as many edible carcinogens until your heart is content or stops beating.

WOW, how original, Sonic has taken a Drive-Through commonly seen in almost every fast-food joint and stipped the concept of its original purpose; speed. Now instead of zipping in and out of a Drive-Through with haste, you now must park your car, order, and EAT IN YOUR CAR. Yea, that's right, you have to scarf down that half-pounder with cheese, shake, and tatertots like a greasy Alabama trucker, all items being conveniently rested on a tray that attaches to the edge of your side window.

How did the entrepreneur of Sonic even think of it? It's as though he went through a drive-through and said to himself "Oh screw this shit, I'm hungry NOW" and ate an entire goddamn sack of food-stuffs before the cashier window even gave him back his change.

If you're trying to portray the role of "uncivilized piece of shit", I suggest you head down to Sonic immediately, where you can not only be served by zit-faced teens on roller skates but also escalate your status from "sniffling lazy shit" to "portable garbage disposal"

Aye capitain, the flagship of capitalism sets sail with a poop-deck full of lard-ass consumers. Yarggg.

Divert Your Course

2007-05-20T09:50:00.002-07:00

Talk about stubborn

The IQ Test

2007-04-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

Test yourself with the revolutionary Insanity Quotient Test.

Test-taking Strategies: Each question, if the test-taker is not already mentally unstable, should be viewed through the eyes of one who is insane. This means that the answer that may be the most conventionally correct choice may not always be the the right one. For Explain Your Reasoning questions, pay close attention to your own writing and be aware this is NOT a standardized test but the ultimate assessment of one's mind.

How to Answer: At the bottom of the test will be a white horizontal bar that includes the test compiler (Spazz), the time of this post, as well as the number of comments for this test which is a link and underlined. Click on the comments link and it will open an area in which you may add a comment, here you will answer each multiple choice question with the correct answer, and respond to each short answer (you may skip any questions, but be sure to put the question number and leave it blank). I will personally reply to each test-takers comment with their errors corrected and why they are incorrect in my own comment, my replies may take a little while so please check back in periodically.

Credits: This test has been created thanks to the help of the Club Express Poets. Each Poet created at least 1 question, some 2 or more. Poets include: Maria, DJ, Gaby, Jimmy, Delayne, Joey, Aryan, Justin, and Sandra

Multiple Choice Section

1. Babies come from... (credit: Aryan)
A. The process of human fertilization
B. Zeus; Greek God of thunder
C. God
D. Storks
E. The opening of the Gates of Truth, consequentially releasing soon to be Homonculi
F. The ritualistic mating of Cerebrus, the guardian of Hades, and Fenris Fenrir, the eldest son of the Scandinavian God Loki

2. What is the circumference of the Earth? (credit: Aryan)
A.Yo mama
B. I like cheese
C. The combined length of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee's biceps
D. 4302π = BH if and only if B = infant carcasses and H = height
E. The combined length of the tied intestines of Earth's inhabitants

3. What's black and white with red all over (credit: Aryan)
A. A dead skunk on the side of the road
B. NAACP meets the KKK
C. An obsolete television set sprayed in ketchup from a TV dinner
D. Siberian tiger vs. man with multiple sclerosis
E. An IBM computer running DOS in front of a man with a stump where his head used to be before he realized he was running on 156kb of RAM

4. How old are you? Chose the most correct (credit: Aryan)
A. The number of men you've killed in a given month
B. 20 years old
C. 20 years young
D. If you're born on the 13th of October and your lucky number is 10 you are 23 years old; if this is true, please contact Jim Carey immediately
E. π (Pi)

5. If a tree falls down and no one hears it, did it make a sound? (credit: Aryan)
A. No
B. It depends on your reaction speed and haste to slice the throat of the lumberjack that observed the crime before performing Seppuku, thus leaving no witnesses.
C. Yes, Demetir hears everything, especially the shrill cries of foliage
D. Yes, Lucky has Leprechaun minute-men hidden in the base of every redwood tree whom notify the Elven Counsel of any and all obstructions to the forest
E. Yes because it creates frequencies that make sound even if there are no observers.

6. Finish the sentence: This is MADNESS! Madness? No, ________! (credit: Aryan)
A. this is Sparta (proceeds with kick in a Persian's chest, whom falls into a bottomless pit larger than that of the city of Sparta itself and actually physically impossible to create considering the time era
B. This is Jenga (proceeds with kicking over a stack of Jenga block resulting in children weeping)
C. This is bullshit (spoken after watching the new during year 2000 after voting Democrat in Florida)

7. What is mean and angry when they are seen, but always nice when not seen? (credit: Delayne & Joey)
A. A glass full of honey
B. Fat people
C. Black people
D. Fat black people
E. Fried chicken

8. I like cheese, true of false? (credit: Jimmy)
A. True
B. False

9. What part of the apple is the best? (credit: Jimmy)
A. The core
B. The skin
C. The meat
D. The stem

Short Answer Section

10. "It's better to kill 2 birds with one stone." Assess the validity of this statement using biological, medical, social, and/or historical references to back your reasoning. (credit: Maria)

11. "Feed the homeless to the hungry and your problems are solved." Defend, refute, or qualify this statement. Write specific evidence from your readings of personal experience. (credit: Maria)

12. Explain the significance of your existence and its effect on the world as a whole, then explain the world's significance to the universe, and the universe's significance to the creator(s) of the universe. (credit: DJ)

13. If I die would you care? (credit: Gaby)

14. Explain how to remove your braces with a syringe, machete, and a can opener. (credit: Justin)

Modest Mouse Debut Album

2007-03-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

Modest Mouse released in new album on March 20th, 2007 titled "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank"

Tracks:

"March Into the Sea" – 3:30
"Dashboard"– 4:06
"Fire It Up" – 4:34
"Florida" – 2:57
"Parting of the Sensory" – 5:34
"Missed the Boat" – 4:24
"We've Got Everything" – 3:40
"Fly Trapped In a Jar" – 4:29
"Education" – 3:56
"Little Motel" – 4:44
"Steam Engenius" – 4:26
"Spitting Venom" – 8:27
"People As Places As People" – 3:42
"Invisible" – 3:59

"Dashboard" has become another one of Modest Mouse's hit singles, among its predecessors that include "Float on" and "Ocean Breathes Salty"

The band comes from the far Northwest, residing in Issaquah, Washington, bringing with them a unique sound between indie and pop-rock styles, using instruments all the way from Accordions to Keyboards to Saxophones.

Isaac Brock is one of the better lyricists of the 21st Century, and of course it'd be naive of me to say the best, but he is definitely impressive.

Some of my favorite quotes are from the lines of the song "Bukowski"
~"Well we sat on the edge of the river, the crowd screamed, "Sacrifice the liver!" If God takes life, he's an Indian giver. So tell me now why, you'll tell me never."

And another from "Dig Your Grave"
~"Life handed us a pay check and we said, we worked harder that this!"

Both songs from their 2005 album "Good News for People Who Love Bad News"

Catch more info about Modest Mouse as well as the full length clip of "Dashboard" at the Modest Mouse Website
~"The Dashboard melted but we still had the radio"

300

2007-03-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Looks like Hollywood's dished out another Wal-mart bargain-bin disaster.

Director Zack Snyder's "300" made over 70 million dollars in its opening weekend as well as a shit load of letters from disgruntled Iranians who claim to find the film a blatant display of malice towards Persian culture.

In an hour and 57 minutes, one director has seem to cause quite some commotion in the critic world, as well as the rest of the world (yea I know, "rest of the world," quite a concept for us Americans isn't it?)

Anyone can see the symbolism in the film and to put it bluntly, "300" pretty much says "America #1, everyone else sucks the big one"

Snyder somehow took Frank Miller's graphic novel and turned it into a overly patriotic fight between the so-called virtuous defenders of liberty, the Spartans (symbolizing America) and the villainous empire, Persia (Obviously symbolizing Iran, and of course all the other countries in the empire which the movie incorporated, such as Africa, China, and India)

As for historical accuracy, there is little to none. This is to be expected though, since it is a film based off of a fictional graphic novel which is based off a fictional film that inspired Frank Miller as a child (The 300 Spartans) which is based off a nonfictional event in 480 B.C. known as the Battle of Thermopylae.

~Apparently 2nd time isn't the charm for movie remakes

There were no bucktoothed hunchbacks I can assure you, nor were there lobster-claw limbed beasts, and the possibility of a band of 300 soldiers wearing velvet capes and loin-cloths surviving a barrage of arrows from some 100,000 archers of the Persian Army is slim.

~This has got to be a fucking joke

I also doubt that Xerxes was Brazilian and that all of his generals were black. Jesus Christ, look at Xerxes, he looks like he just stepped out of a San Francisco Strip Club, rolled in gold dust, shaved his eyebrows and replaced them with leeches, stuffed his crotch with Kleenex, and pierced his face into a chandelier.

~Xerxes sporting his golden chain-mail thong

The plot consists of the Spartan King, Leonidas, commanding his group of men whom continue to stab, cut, maim, and kick their way through a endless stream of random half-ass CGI characters with no relevance to the situation at all while the King's wife is being raped by a member of the Spartan Senate. Wow, how original.

~one monster who seems to be shitting bricks...literally

Yes yes, Frank Miller did indeed approve of every scene in the movie, but so WHAT? How the hell is he supposed to approve of a scene that is being completely rendered on a computer screen in a warehouse. One scene was filmed outside the warehouse, ONE.

Honestly this movie wasn't that bad, but it definitely doesn't deserve the hype it's getting.

If you're looking for a movie to watch with a friend after going out for dinner, I strongly suggest telling your friend that "Tonight....we dine......~~in HELL~~ at home"

I'd rate this movie a 3 out of 5

Megacon

2007-02-17T18:27:00.000-08:00

Megacon 2007 was an ambiguous kick in the nuts

Although it was fun,

For fuck-sake, some of the featured guests and all of the celebrities were giving autographs.

Mind you, they were not free, unless you define $20 as free, in which case, go fuck yourself with a cheese-grater (no offense Andrew Jackson).

Besides that little fact, it was overall a great experience.

Met a lot of great artists, got some autographs, posters, mingled with authors.

I think my favorite thing about the whole convention was how friendly most of the artists were without forcing down the typical "It's only $30 for a poster!" down my throat, and instead being open to conversation, however useless or pointless that conversation may be.

Favorite rising artists from Megacon: Christopher Darden . Jon Bass . Lee Bretschneider . Sarah Goodreau

Caleb Prochnow:

And Josh Sullivan:
Of course there were your Naru-tards flocking the booths, which I wouldn't be surprised to hear one of them say "I'll suck your dick for that Kakashi plushie!"

Gotta say though, there were some fucking AWESOME cosplayers. Especially members of the Wolfpack

I even found the creators of CAD comics there, and of course had to get their signatures.

I'll be posting up new pictures from Megacon soon, as well as some more rambling.

Right now, I'm really tired.

Storks

2007-02-11T17:21:00.000-08:00

First piece of my own poetry to go on my blog, definitely not my best, but it's the most recent to date.

Storks
By: Me

Mommy,
Where do babies come from?

Well Timmy,
When a mommy and a daddy care for each other very much,
Or not so very much,
They sometimes hug each other at night and make loud noises.

Sometimes a mommy and daddy,
For the right price,
Will even wear leather pajamas and hit each other with whips.

Why would they hurt each other with whips?
That's mean!

You'd think Timmy,
You'd think.

But when they drink lots and lots of tasty orange juice,
Daddy can forget to wear his single special see-through sock,
And sooner or later,
When mommy uses the magical pill,
Your nasty little to-be brothers and sisters are zapped out of existence and go to a happy place.

I don't want them to go away!
They should stay and play with me!

Don't worry Timmy,
Sometimes the magical pill won't always work and the doctor will tell mommy and daddy that mommy is pregnant,
In which daddy will scream in joy things like "Oh Fuck" and "Goddamn it,"
That means "Yippee" and "boy oh boy!" in adult-language.

Daddy then pays your good old Uncle Sam to take care and support you in the future,
Now isn't that nice Timmy?

Wow!
It sure is!

That's not all though Timmy!
After a little while,
The smiling storks come to our home with a tiny basket,
And bring pretty little boys like you to the doorstep.,
Ring the doorbell,
And fly away snickering.

Is that really where babies come from?

Hell no,
You were adopted,
Now get back to your homework you little twat.

Sphinx

2007-02-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

Today's Poem of the day is brought to you by Waldo Emerson

The Sphinx

The Sphinx is drowsy,
Her wings are furled:
Her ear is heavy,
She broods on the world.
"Who'll tell me my secret,
The ages have kept?__
I awaited the seer
While they slumbered and slept:__

"The fate of the man-child,
The meaning of man;
Known fruit of the unknown;
Daedalian plan;
Out of sleeping a waking,
Out of waking a sleep;
Life death overtaking;
Deep underneath deep?

:Erect as a sunbeam,
Upspringeth the palm;
The elephant browses,
Undaunted and calm;
In beautiful motion
The thrush plies his wings;
Kind leaves of his covert,
Your silence he sings.

"The waves, unashaméd,
In difference sweet,
Play glad with the breezes,
Old playfellows meet;
The journeying atoms,
Primordial wholes,
Firmly draw, firmly drive,
By their animate poles.

"Sea, earth, air, sound, silence,
Plant, quadruped, bird,
By one music enchanted,
One deity stirred,--
Each the other adorning,
Accompany still;
Night veileth the morning,
The vapor the hill.

"The babe by its mother
Lies bathéd in joy;
Glide its hours uncounted,--
The sun is its toy;
Shines the peace of all being,
Without cloud, in its eyes;
And the sum of the world
In soft miniature lies.

"But man crouches and blushes,
Absconds and conceals;
He creepeth and peepeth,
He palters and steals;
Infirm, melancholy,
Jealous glancing around,
An oaf, an accomplice,
He poisons the ground.

"Out spoke the great mother,
Beholding his fear;--
At the sound of her accents
Cold shuddered the sphere:--
'Who has drugged my boy's cup?
Who has mixed my boy's bread?
Who, with sadness and madness,
Has turned my child's head?

I heard a poet answer
Aloud and cheerfully,
"Say on, sweet Sphinx! thy dirges
Are pleasant songs to me.
Deep love lieth under
These pictures of time;
They fade in the light of
Their meaning sublime.

"The fiend that man harries
Is love of the Best;
Yawns the pit of the Dragon,
Lit by rays from the Blest.
The lethe of Nature
Can't trance him again,
Whose soul sees the perfect,
Which his eyes seek in vain.

"To vision profounder,
Man's spirit must dive;
His aye-rolling orb
At no goal will arrive;
The heavens that now draw him
With sweetness untold,
Once found,--for new heavens
He spurneth the old.

"Pride ruined the angels,
Their shame them restores;
Lurks the joy that is sweetest
In stings of remorse.
Have I a lover
Who is noble and free?--
I would he were nobler
Than to love me.

"Eterne alternation
Now follows, now flies;
And under pain, pleasure,--
Under pleasure, pain lies.
Love works at the center,
Heart-heaving alway;
Forth speed the strong pulses
To the borders of day.

"Dull Sphinx, Jove keep thy five wits'
Thy sight is growing blear;
Rue, myrrh and cummin for the Sphinx,
Her muddy eyes to clear!"
The old Sphinx bit her thick lip,--
Said, "Who taught thee me to name?
I am thy spirit, yoke-fellow;
Of thine eye I am eyebeam.

"Thou art the unanswered question;
Couldst see thy proper eye,
Alway it asketh, asketh;
And each answer is a lie.
So take thy question through nature,
It through thousand natures ply;
Ask on, thou clothed eternity;
Time is the false reply.

Uprose the merry Sphinx,
And crouched no more in stone;
She melted into purple cloud,
She silvered in the moon;
She spired into a yellow flame;
She flowered in blossoms red;
She flowed into a foaming wave:
She stood Monadnoc's head.

Through a thousand voices
Spoke the universal dame
"Who telleth one of my meanings
Is master of all I am."

Indexed Blog

2007-02-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

Blog of the Day:

http://indexed.blogspot.com/

(the least verbose, yet one of the wittiest, blogs I've seen)

Some of my favorites from Indexed:

Gummy Locker

2007-01-29T14:04:00.000-08:00

Today's post is brought to you by my good friend, Maria.

Also a fellow poet, Maria is in journalism and her hobbies include: belittling other students, being a precocious S.O.B., and condescension.

Just kidding Maria, you're a cool cat.

Well, Maria was sifting through some pictures on her digital camera (she is a rather talented photographer, and more of her pictures may be posting on my blog in the near future).

She showed me a picture of a lock on a locker in one of the hallways at school.

I found it so humorous that I thought it be pretty nifty (Jesus Christ I just said nifty, that's going in the next Confessional) to post it on my blog for the eyes of the internet (ohh, creepy)

Looks like this student is going to be in a "sticky situation" when he gets his textbooks.

Hardy Har Har.

Did I mention I hate puns?

Rise Against

2007-01-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

Today's lyrics are brought to you by Rise Against
Song titled: State of the Union

If We're the flagship of peace and prosperity
We're taking on water and about to fuckin' sink
No one seems to notice, No one even blinks
The crew left the passengers to die under the sea

Countdown, to the very end,
Equality, an invitation that we wont extend
Ready aim, pull the trigger now,
In time you'll firmly secure your place in hell

State of the union address,
reads war torn country still a mess
the words: power, death, and distorted truth
are read between the lines of the red, white, and blue

Countdown, to the very end,
Equality, an invitation that we wont extend
Ready aim, pull the trigger now,
its time you firmly secure your place in hell
your place in hell
your place in hell

Guilty, is what our graves will read,
no year, no family, we did nothing
to stop the murder of, of people, just like us

Check out more of Rise Against on their public myspace music page, which streams several songs in full length.
www.myspace.com/riseagainst

Zefrank

2007-01-26T14:35:00.000-08:00

Been recently checking out this video-blogger by the name of Ze Frank.

I'm not sure if Ze is his actual name, or an alias, but that's besides the point.

www.zefrank.com

Probably the funniest and most intellectual video blogger on the web.

"Hello World"

2007-01-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

This is my first post of my first actual blog.

I've had "pseudo-blogs" before, with various hosts, but nothing purely run by bloggers.

For all you readers out there, this blog is not for you, it's for me.

A personal dairy, if you will, to reflect on.

Of course there's always the hope that maybe someone out there will hear my thoughts, and maybe some new relationships with "interesting" people will form.

In other words, I will be posting what I want, when I want it.

Don't like it?

Good for you, take a cookie and choke on it.