I’m just over half way through my summer trip to Michigan. I do not suffer from delusions of grandeur, so comparing my Personal Revolution to Mother Nature mopping up her Earth would be pretentious at best. But this is my journal and my space to speak my truth. I worked diligently on myself during quarantine. That doesn’t make me better than anyone else it just makes me different. I completely embrace this change. I’m digging this new perspective. Humans are conditioned to make things harder than they are. Animals don’t suffer from jealousy, resentment or spite. These are man-made emotions and man can have them. Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. Animals feel fear, but once out of danger they never think of it again. Why do we as a species cling to and revisit so much animosity? We are taught that. And once you know something you can’t unknow it. But you can choose better.

I’m on a mission to clean up the last of all the things in my life I was not at peace with. I started in January with very specific people, situations and events. I weighed what I was obligated to see through and what was not mine to handle. I held myself accountable for everything I have ever said, done or promised and made good on my word. The biggest liberation happened mid-January. I completely dreaded the follow-through, but I did it and made sure I would never put myself in that situation again. And I haven’t. February brought an ending to another mess I had created for myself. After that it was smooth sailing.

Until March. It’s not cool to say, but I will say it. Shut-down was great for me. When I say “Until March” I don’t mean things were no longer smooth sailing. I mean the opposite. Smooth sailing became a launchpad toward the leveling-up I was seeking. It was tremendous greatness coming at me all at once, like a reward for all I had been working on in the background. Smooth sailing is not where I belong. Sure it was great to breathe after muscling through a couple uncomfortable albeit self-imposed situations. But smooth sailing is complacency. I don’t live in complacency. I live in movement and progress. Life is too short and too precious to stagnate.

Which brings me to this point. Yesterday, I got the closure I needed on the last situation in my life that I was not at peace with. I realized that everyone seems different to me, everyone. If everyone is different there is only one explanation: I changed. I am the common denominator. I see and feel through a different lens. And I dig it. So this last emotion I needed to determine if I was going to give attention to or walk away from reconciled. Truth be told, I had already made my decision. The only reason I was willing to entertain seeing him again was the request of someone who matters to me. I have no regrets agreeing to help her, but his reaction to her proposition gave me exactly what I needed. Thank you for making that really easy for me, sir. I wish you the best. And I am relieved.

The next chapter includes everything and everyone important and in synchronicity to my values. I am living in the now and looking forward to an adventurous future. I live unapologetically. I follow my heart. I listen to my intuition. I trust my gut.

The New Normal is a process not an event. Let’s go!

The main event for this trip was great: The August Birthday Celebration. Technically CAU is not 81 until August 25, but close enough. RTU insisted on a store-bought chocolate cake, CAU asked for my world-famous carrot cake. Small and intimate, the party was a good time. Because I’m me I had to clown with the distribution of the single set of “Happy Birthday” candles we had. RTU didn’t even notice. Pretty typical.

Watching these two wobblies stumble around for the past week has served to cement my mission even more. Operation: Freedom. The three objectives of my life are: health, happiness and wealth/love, in that order. So far so good. I’ve moved out of my own way and found completion within myself. This wholeness allows me to re-enter the land of the living with eyes and heart wide open. I am so fortunate for every single day, every breath. Confidence and non-attachment. I know who I am. I live in the now. I carry no baggage. They say until you take the time to heal you will bleed all over people who did not cut you. Sage words. But no one cut me without my consent. It just doesn’t work that way. Once I understood that I couldn’t un-know it (nor would I want to). No one is going to love me like I love myself. So that’s where I choose to funnel my energy. It may be corny, but it’s true…you can’t give from an empty cup. As long as I keep my own sense of self, I have the capacity to love unconditionally—the only way love should be.

Healthy is always priority one. Without health, nothing else matters. With that intact, we move on to happiness. This is a foolproof intention. If a fresh pair of kicks or a BMW GS 850 defines my happiness, they will indeed appear. Those things are awesome, but my happiness involves everything I have ever deemed important in my life: my passion, my compassion, my personal freedom and my personal relationships. Bending, settling and defying my own free will are traits of my past. My third focus is wealth/love, both of which form my happiness. So these things are redundant, but they are pretty cool to give double-attention to. Neither is more important than the other, but they are paired as both of those items come from within and can be shared with the outside world. The first two: health and happiness, those are for me and I am selfish with them. That’s why they get their own ranking. #3 is a powerful combo. Soul fulfillment leads to wanting to share, it’s inevitable. Wealth and love aren’t money and sex. They are wealth and love. You either understand it or you don’t.

Synchronicity is the theme of this round in Michigan. The great part is I knew before I even got here wonderful things would happen. And they have. And they will continue to happen. This past week has been more amazing than I could have asked for and I am still looking at 3 more. There’s a lot to be said for living in the now, not thinking about anything further than 3 hours into the future. 444 is my angel number. Tesla’s 3-6-9 is a new way of life. I can get behind that. I’m not afraid to speak my truth. Not anymore.

A friend of mine from High School posted on Instagram a quote from a book that I had never heard of before. It’s the same book my cousin loaned me to read while I’m here. I barely started reading it, but I remembered the name and author: Untamed by Glennon Doyle. So when I saw this I had to add a #synchronicity hashtag to @tdfire22’s post:

The point is that if we can find good in those we’ve trained to see as bad, if we can find worth in those we’ve been conditioned to see as worthless, if we can find ourselves in those we’ve been indoctrinated to see as other, then we become unable to hurt them. When we stop hurting them, we stop hurting ourselves. When we stop hurting ourselves, we begin to heal.

Glennon Doyle, Untamed

The comment thread goes on to rave about this book. Kinda stoked.

I came to Michigan with many things in mind I hoped (and by hoped I mean knew) would happen. I came prepared for when they would happen. They happened. I knew I was right place right time when and as they were happening. Things are a lot easier than I was making them out to be. Old Tami. Not many people choose to focus on the positive. I can tell you it has completely changed my neuroplasticity. If you expect the worst, you will get the worst. You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are. You know you’re in the zone when everything just aligns and instead of being surprised you’re status quo. It’s hard to stay there when negativity surrounds you, especially now. But it’s possible. I’m proof. It’s not easy, for sure. People just love to tell you what to do and how to do it. I have to agree to let them, and that has stopped. I am me, unapologetically. I found another sound byte that is 100% accurate if you free yourself to let it be your truth:

What if it does work out exactly how you imagined it or greater. Entertain that thought.

Idil Ahmed

So I do. And it is. I look forward to more.

My cousin Kellie loaned me a couple books to read while I’m here. I already finished the first one, UnFuck Your Brain, which has way more equity in the title than the content. I’m looking forward to the second one, Untamed. Kellie raved about this one. Books and writing are tools in my arsenal that keep me grounded. I’m getting better at the practice.

I try to enter situations with zero expectations. It sounds bleak, but it’s the ultimate form of happiness. I operate in an elevated state, so as I encounter energies throughout the day if I hold no standard to them I can never be knocked from my own center. Normally this is extremely easy for me. Today I found myself having to exert a little effort to keep my baseline. I make no apologies for who I am and what I’m about, nor do I invoke judgment or blame. What’s past is past. I no longer live in the past, that’s depression. I no longer live in the future, that’s anxiety. I live in the now, that’s happiness, that’s being present. Reuniting with family and friends here has brought an abundance of emotions, all of which I choose to feel as positive. Today was just one of those days I had to filter the influx of information (or in this case misinformation) to find the benefit. And it was there, and I did find it. Understanding and accepting that the truth is a relative concept has done wonders for my nerves. History goes to the victors. Some choose to wallow. That’s something I can say with confidence is part of my past. The benefit I found was recognizing that. I was put in a situation where I could have easily picked off all the scabs. Instead I chose to keep it moving, clean slate, words fell on deaf ears until the rhetoric aligned with my values. And it did eventually. So therein, benefit.

And that’s my name: Tami. Let people see benefit.

What to do with my time here? Everything, and nothing. I have no schedule, no agenda and no expectations. What I do have is an objective: Operation Presence. I want to see, hear, touch, smell and taste everything. I’m accepting all invitations, reciprocating contacts (past, present and future) and following up on every opportunity. I will be visiting my spots, re-connecting with my home, my family, my friends and most importantly myself. The extended stay was scripted and the first of many tours. I’m on a mission to reconcile emotion and embrace spirit. My mind and heart are completely open. My trajectory is unstoppable.

August 16 RTU turns 81. August 25 CAU turns 81. I am grateful to be able to spend these birthdays with them. They are both (relatively) healthy and of sound mind. CAU has a razor-sharp wit and a tongue to match. I love spending time with her. She’s become my best friend, she has always been my biggest ally. In the photo above, CAU is holding a drawing I finished last week. The pen and ink technique is my mom’s favorite style of art. We have a running joke about a pen and ink drawing I did many many years ago of a haunted house. I asked her if she would hang it up and she replied “I’d put it in the window on Halloween.” I was so butt-hurt I gave it to my sister who proudly displayed it in her home in Grand Blanc. When CAU saw it framed in all its glory she wanted it, and thus the story was born. Ever since then when Chris wants to lay claim to a piece she tells me she overhead Mom say she would put it in her window.

I will give her that drawing. She knows it and I know it.

Day 1 of 29 (28 really since I dip military-early on the 10th, but spending my birthday with my mom is worth any ungodly flight time) and I’m already decompressed.

What’s next, Academy? The possibilities and I are limitless.

I’ve not heard from Delta lately so God-willing my happy, hungry ass will be on a plane in twelve days. As of now I don’t think I have to self-quarantine, but whatever. I’m going to Michigan for a very specific purpose: me. I love Detroit. I miss it. I think of Detroit and my life there quite often. But then snow happens and the rest is Miami history. If I’ve learned anything over the course of my life it’s that the only constant is change. And I love me some change. I embrace spontaneity, variety and most of all adventure. Excitement. I thrive on living in the now and enjoying the moment. What could be more invigorating than air travel in the middle of a global pandemic, national stay-at-home order and economic closure? I’ll live to tell.

Armed with my new Apples and crayons, I have no agenda, no expectations and no plans outside of family gatherings. I’ve been working from home since before working from home was the law. I will go where each day takes me. I have a mental collection of things I’d like to do. Paying attention has taught me what I want and what I get aren’t always a match. Manifesting gave me the power to make sure every mismatch is better than acceptable. I’m in the business of reconciling people, places and things. Priority one now and for the rest of my life: never walk past an opportunity to grow. Worded in the positive: accept every invitation to connect and exchange. The world needs gassing up right now and my tank is full.

I once read that the human brain is a pharmacy. That means every feeling that I have ever experienced I have the power to re-create by my own focus and control, no chemical assistance required. It’s a lofty goal but lofty is where I operate best. Nostalgia, memories, old friends and lost loves…they are all there waiting. I religiously visit my old spots, pass by my first house and mentally see my younger self running amok. I’m one of the lucky ones. These visions make me smile, they give me life. They are always there and always will be. Sometimes I get to live them again in real time and those are the moments I am catching this round and henceforth.

Time is an illusion. Anyone who hasn’t gained some kind of insight down to the core by living through this patch of history simply wasn’t paying attention.

I pay attention. Promises, promises. I don’t forget them.

In my last post I stated my belief and practice in the Law of Attraction (No.7). God damn, it is powerful. And fast! Change came faster than I had given thought toward but not faster than I was ready for. So here I am. Now what? Time to manifest the new normal. My new normal. I am in complete control of who I am. I always have been, I just didn’t understand the power.

2020 has proven to be a difficult mistress, at best. That said, I elect to see things for what they do, not what they are. Actions speak louder than words. Some are choosing this pandemic/media manipulation (however you deem it) as a way to live, others are choosing it as a way to die. Florida seems to be the stupidest state in the union, all of us are on the no-fly list and our tourism keeps us in the spotlight. None of that is my doing, nor my problem. I behaved and stayed inside. I always had an affinity for clean hands and not standing closer than 6 feet anyway. But now, it’s time to live again. My annual trip to my home state is booked. My parents birthdays are in August, and my birthday is in September. It’s going to be an Urbantastic Extravaganza.

I’m not paranoid, but I am respectful. Fortunately RTU and CAU live in reality. They are going to be 81, they aren’t afraid of anything. They drove up through the middle of the United States in the thick of the quarantine. Why wouldn’t they? Urban are a strong stock. They’re fine. They’re anxiously awaiting my arrival. Again, it’s our way of life. I’m booked for a month. Partially due to a mandatory 14 day self-quarantine when I get there (hey, telling me I gotta be by myself is never punishment) and partially because I can. I can, so I will. I worked hard to set up my life to be portable and free. This is who I’ve been, who I am. Free. Freedom4me. Doh!

Speaking of free, this bird on my ledge came and sat while I was FaceTiming with my mom. He sat there for no less than 20 minutes. Within the past month or two I have been visited a lot by birds. At first I thought nothing of it, I am in Florida. But at least three times that I can recall while on my morning beach walks I was grazed by a bird in flight. I don’t just mean flew near me, I mean felt-the-feathers-on-my-neck grazed. It was so surreal, it came with a feeling. The first time it happened the same bird flew in increments along with me and touched my shoulder a total of four times before returning to his own trajectory. He wanted to tell me something, I could feel it. It’s not like I walk with an open can of Pringles around my neck. I’ll find out soon enough. I’m observant, receptive and patient.

Since RTU is incapable of driving in a straight line, I have asked my sister to pick me up from the airport. I cannot take another 4 hour tour to go just under 20 miles. Chris, another entrepreneur, is somewhat flexible in her schedule, but since she’s accountable for other human beings there is a little pre-planning to be done. Delta keeps playing roulette with my flight times, but it doesn’t really matter. I’m guaranteed a seat on some plane at some point.

Family time. I love my family. We are all on the same page. We all love each other. We all follow, respect and support each other’s paths. Our differences are our strengths. I want nothing to do with owning a Day Care Center and my sister has no appreciation for my interest in Apples. And that’s cool. Not everyone should be the same. RTU, CAU, Chris and I have crafted lives that make getting together regularly, often and for extended periods of time not only easy but mandatory. I see them more living in Florida than I did when I lived in Michigan. Proof that if you really want something you’ll find a way; if not, you’ll find an excuse. The loves of my life, my nieces and nephew, will be 21 in October. I plan to make an appearance at that celebration as well. There are great things on the horizon and I am focused on bringing them all to fruition.

Limitless.

I am one of the lucky ones. I come from strong, resilient stock. I’m a hustler, I make things happen for myself. I’ve been my own boss since 2007 and have managed to stay above water unassisted through a dead-beat renter, last-minute relocations (two, to be precise) and fussy motorcycles refusing to start leaving me stranded wearing full riding gear in 100º Florida heat. So far MyCorona has postponed my trip to Hawaii twice and threatens to screw up my yearly summer pilgrimage to Detroit. I can’t and won’t complain. I could always hop in my FJ and drive. But then I’m driving, and consequently entering Michigan with my big, fat Florida license plate.

You can ask me to stay home but you cannot ask me to stay still. So what am I to do at a time when the only thing asked of me as an American is not to die and to watch Tiger King? Check and check, btw. True to form, and prototypical Virgo, I took control of my health. I’m proud to say my quarantine body does not look like I have a great personality. Since health always has and always will be my non-negotiable priority, this was my No.1.

No.2: One week before the stay-at-home mandate I began a business coaching program. The timing proved to be opportune. I had three months to focus on my business without having to conduct any. It was like being in college: pontificating about the real world but not participating in it. I wish I had done business coaching 13 years ago. But I don’t live in the past or in regret. I wouldn’t have heard the same things 13 years ago. Everything happens for a reason and at the time it’s meant to be. I needed this now.

No.3: Let the home-schooling begin. Autonomous, of course. I love, LOVE to learn. I have been exploring a broad spectrum of topics from tattoo technology to quantum physics and arming myself with knowledge and insight. The more I discover the more I want to know. I made some responsible Amazon Prime quarantine purchases in the form of books. Remember when Amazon was just books?

No.4: I sold my old Apples and upgraded to the 4th Generation iPad Pro 12.9, Apple Pencil 2 and MacBook Pro 13 2020 Touch Bar. I’m looking into legal marriage to either, or both.

No.5: RedBubble #WIP

No.6: LinkedIn #update

No.7: Law Of Attraction. I am all in. Once I knew that I choose every single one of my circumstances and emotions, I can’t un-know it. I am dedicated to manifesting some things into my life, some things out of my life and some things back into my life. My goals will take time, but it’s a process not an event. I’ll be eighty anyway, right?

My plans have only begun, but for the sake of this entry I will leave it at seven line-items. Seven belongs to Yemoja. That feels right. I’ll save a deeper dive for future posts.

And here we have it. Visually, it’s similar. But the new framework couldn’t be stronger. I had ceded to old habits, something I like to think I never do, but…you know the rest. 2020 is definitely a year of renewal for me. Out with the old, in with the renewed. I’m still not a New-Years-Resolution kinda girl, but the turn of the calendar brings that elevated energy I like to tap into. My niece sent me a blurb of information about how Humans are the only animals who attempt to re-invent themselves in the middle of winter when the rest of the earth is hibernating or dead. Naturally I had never thought of that before, and naturally I enjoyed the fresh perspective. It’s taken me a decent chunk of time but I adhere to: when I live in the past I am depressed, when I live in the future I am anxious, when I live in the now I just am. So that’s how it’s going down. Right now.

In the interest of paring back to propel forward, I spring-cleaned (in winter) my Orishas. I reduced them to how they were born giving them room to breathe as well. Now I start my mornings with the Gods, coffee, a view of downtown Miami and my journal. No sooner did I set up my new sanctuary that I hopped in my FJ and headed north to visit my snowbird parents in Central Florida. My sister and nieces drove down from Michigan and shenanigans ensued. Now I’m back on the beach where I belong, ready to continue populating my online presence. I had let so much technology lapse, but it became clear it was go-time for my living portfolio. Doors are opening, from passive channels and my kicking them down. Clear the way, I’m coming in and I have something to show.

Which brings me to the never-ending love/hate relationship I have with content creation. Less talking means more doing, but more doing means less talking. This is where my conviction to live in the now shines brightest. I am the kind of person that stands tall and solid, yet gets overwhelmed easily. I know this about myself, and knowing is half the battle. So I work within my confines. I thrive on structure, yet excel in spontaneity. I guess I’m a walking spectrum of extremes.

At my core I ask myself: does it make me happy? Yes. Good. Do it. Work in silence, let success make all the noise.