Today the first sketchcrawl of 2010 also took place, so I also did some drawings. I didn’t crawl during the sketching though, not good for the knees…

I like the small paintboxes (I bought several cough), very light and easy to open / close.

I also like the feel of the Derwent journal. The paper feels nice and smooth, but not too smooth (like the Moleskine sketchbook). I’ve read that it doesn’t do to well with classic watercolour, however, I use pen and a watercolour wash mostly and I think it’ll do just fine (unlike that Moleskine ;) ). I like how the outside cover feels nice and soft. Now to think of something to draw in it…

Earlier I drew my toy mini car. When I grow up I want a real mini. Yes, with these colours!

I found a new paintbox for my watercolours. My previous one, though not really broken, annoyed me. Every time I would toss it around or hold it sideways or upside down, they pans would fall out and everything got messed up.

With this new one, the pans sit firmly between two metal bits, and I have enough space for two small tubes (black and white) and my (water)pensils.

I mostly rested, having an RA-flare, and did some decluttering (which I intend to continue). I also worked out a small plan to start a new sleeping-schedule. After trying for months to fit back in the ‘normal world’ I decided to revisit my afternoon naps. Not sure if I feel better, but I like the idea of getting up early, do stuff, then go to have a three or four hour nap in the afternoon and then do things in the evening as well. None of that power-nap stuff, I need solid hours. This way, I hope to spread my energy more evenly and to still participate in the ‘normal world’.

I tried it out today, and though I feel sleepy and tired and slightly confused, I did very much enjoy my afternoon nap. I also made a drawing this morning, during my first wake. Always good :)

I realised that in the past year:

• I did get that desk cleared out in little steps at a time.
• I did figure out what foods do work, and which don’t, mostly. (yay for cheesefondue)
• I did also manage to feed myself properly enough to not have my weight bounce up and down too much
• I did walk Nano almost every time myself, not only giving her a little exercise but also myself.
• I did crochet a few little dolls and a scarf.

I still have this nagging feeling that I could do more, that I should do more, however, I also know that that nagging feeling should just shut up. I should do what makes me happy, what keeps me healthy (well, as healthy as possible) and I should do what feels right.
And slowly, I’ll achieve things. It might take ages, especially with a flare like this in between, but I’ll achieve wonderful things.

If I actually could make a fist right now, I’d probably shake it at a virtually enemy. But I can’t, so I’ll just say ‘Take that, virtual enemy!’

For now, this means using my trusty little EEE for irc and (barely) browsing, and my phone a little. It feels very basic and simple.

I’ll have to figure out what to put where, for easy access, and I want all my creative stuff together. This means I need room for my pens, notebooks, yarn, needles, camera and such, and possible my seed-collection. It would make sense keeping that all together…

The side part slides in, very handy.

TG said ‘Rude dog!!’ :P
(Now, who remembers Rude dog? Come on now, raise your hand!)

I’ve set up the same shortcut keys in Fastscripts.

Today I’ve also edited my task-list. I had too many things on them and felt overwhelmed. After listening to one of Michael Nobbs’ audioboo in which he mentioned his three things to do list and the twenty minute trick (I go for fifteen), and also mentioned that once something becomes a habit he just does it and doesn’t add it to the list anymore, I decided to remove a few items that I know I do anyway. It looks much smaller and much easier to manage.

I might actually go and do something today…

I don’t remember if I’ve ever really used it.

Right now I barely do creative stuff, and I wondered. Do I need a desk? Do I need a dedicated place in my flat to burst out into creative outbursts? A place away from my sofa and laptop. A place only for creative stuff (with a nice view of the park, I may add). You’d think I could do without, that I could do creative stuff everywhere. Do I use this as an excuse to not do anything creative (because the desk has so much stuff on it, I couldn’t possibly do anything really creative), or do I deny myself a calm area for my creativity (because I don’t get myself in that mode linked to the desk)?

I think my brain will implode soon. Advice needed!

p.s. I don’t even have a proper chair and I would really need a proper chair…

I don’t seem to have the energy to do much, fun or needed, which results in TG doing my laundry, which makes me feel bad for not doing it myself. I do want to do fun stuff, but I feel so (physically) tired and my head just doesn’t want to work straight. I so very badly want to do fun stuff and crochet and draw and be creative, but most of the time it feels like the button for my creative juices got stuck on ‘off’ and I don’t know how to turn it on again. It makes me sad.

I’ve comforted myself by watching other people’s drawings and bursts of creativity, and sort of feeding on that. I especially look forward to Michael Nobbs’ 4th Beany and have splurged a little on some new crochet-books (I only had a twenty year old one…). I need to re-think my attempts to get some sort of schedule, I think I’ve based it too much on my old ideas of myself. I need to stop hanging on to the idea that I can actually do all those things I could do, before. I need to start over with many things, basically starting them at ‘0’ again and see how far I can get.

I miss bread and pasta etc. I found gluten-free pasta and bread, but it just doesn’t taste the same. The gluten-free baguettes however did work very well in my cheese fondue (I’ll get some more). I’ve also eaten a lot of roasted vegetables, which go down extremely well, and I rarely feel ill after eating them and they taste good (big win). I haven’t yet figured out how to optimise my eating, and I wish I could use the freezer more for that but somehow, that hasn’t worked out so far. One of these days I’ll get it though.

In the meantime, there’s always tea. Tea fixes everything.