Psychotherapy Process – pictograph

• How we typically handle negative emotions.
• The effect of negative emotions on our body.
• How to release negative emotions once and for all.

Let us begin with how we typically handle negative emotions. There are three ways that we typically handle our negative feelings: Suppression, Expression and Escape. These mechanisms are often ineffective and the reason we have difficulty in our personal and professional relationships.  Here is an overview of each mechanism:

• Suppression/Repression: Suppression and repression push feelings either down or away and are the flip side of the same coin.  Suppression is consciously done whereas repression is an unconscious process. Everyone does both at some point because we are unsure of what to actually do with the feeling other than avoid it.
  • We often repress a feeling because we feel extremely guilty about having that feeling. In fact, we rarely experience the feeling at all because we instantly throw it into our unconscious mind whenever it threatens to emerge. Whenever we repress our feelings, two common defenses arise: Denial and Projection. In essence, we deny our feelings and then project those feelings onto other people.
  • On the other hand, when we suppress our feelings, we are aware of them but choose not to express them for one reason or another. When we suppress our feelings, we usually feel irritable, experience mood swings, headaches, tight muscles, allergies, and other somatic feelings.
• Expression: This mechanism allows the feelings to get out of the mind and body via outbursts, body language, et cetera; we call this ‘dumping.’ The purpose of expression is to allow just enough pressure from the negative emotion to be released so the rest of the emotion can be suppressed. After expressing a negative emotion through an outburst, the person usually feels relief however the underlying tension is still there. Instead of dumping our emotions onto others, the best way to deal with your negative emotion is to own how you feel. When you own your negative emotions, you neutralize them and allow your positive emotions to increase!
• Escape:  The saying goes, “Ignorance is bliss.” This is why we are desperate to remain unconscious of how we feel. Escape is our favorite mechanism for avoiding our feelings. We usually turn to acceptable social diversions to take our mind off of what we feel. Unfortunately, what tends to be socially acceptable tends is a slippery slope: alcohol, work, sex, gambling, television, et cetera.  The effects of escaping our feelings cause us to hate ourselves and become emotionally isolated.

As always, I hope you find this helpful and encourage you to check back in for parts 2 and 3.  If you have questions, post them below or email me: Jinnie@highachiever.net. For those of your who are self-help fanatics, click here for more resources. Pleasant Journeys!

While there have been significant reductions in maternal mortality in the last 20 years, nearly 275,000 women are still dying annually from complications due to pregnancy and childbirth. Ninety-nine percent of those deaths occur needlessly in developing countries.

It’s important to remember that regardless of where you live, the causes of maternal deaths are the same: hemorrhage, obstructed delivery, unsafe abortion. The difference is that women in developing countries do not receive adequate care in time.

‘In time,’ these researchers realized what they needed to address: when to seek care, how to minimize risks if home deliveries cannot be avoided, and how to best get to a hospital.

According to the findings, seven different interventions set out to address maternal deaths. Instead of addressing access to health care – a top down approach often seen in development – the researchers decided to address this problem from the bottom up. The interventions also sought to reduce mortality among newborn infants.

The concept is such: bring women together as a group to discuss maternal health problems facing their communities. The result: a 37 percent reduction in maternal mortality in rural and urban India, Nepal, Bangladesh and Malawi. And the researchers extrapolate that if scaled-up correctly, this type of intervention could reduce at least 41,100 deaths per year across the 74 Countdown countries.

The numbers, for a concept that seems so logical, are even more impressive when you pool the findings from four evaluations: they found that when at least 30 percent of pregnant women participated in a group, the maternal mortality reduction was a staggering 55 percent. Instead of just telling women to go to the hospital during childbirth, they strengthened their decision-making process about safe pregnancy and childbirth through conversations, role play and story telling,

The intervention described in the article is a four-phase participatory learning and action cycle. First, women identify and prioritize problems during pregnancy, delivery and childbirth. After the issues are selected, they plan and implement strategies to address them and finally, evaluate their activities. Thus, the women ultimately see the results of their own hard work and, as a result, now have an understanding of what causes death and what to do when complications arise. Finally, through community meetings, the women collectively share what they’ve learned and encourage buy-in from their husbands, neighbors and village leaders.

It was activist Paolo Freire who believed that “the oppressed must be their own example in the struggle for their redemption.” These researchers have tapped into an important resource: the women themselves. By working together in a collaborative manner that supports and encourages the ideas and assets of the community, it can lead to great strides in the reduction of maternal mortality, as well as impressive reduction in deaths among newborn infants.

As Will Rogers once said, “Rumor travels faster, but it don’t stay put as long as truth.” In other words, instead of running to an untrained birth attendant when a problem arises and only later looking for a means to reach to a hospital when things get worse, the women and their families are now empowered through knowledge and enhanced decision-making: plans are put in place, support networks are availed, safer practices followed and ultimately, lives are saved.

Do the super rich invest differently?  Do they make smarter decisions, hire better advisors?

A recent study, How the Rich Play the Market, looked at the portfolios and investment decisions of several hundred of the wealthiest families in the U.S. The researchers analyzed their diversification, the results of investment decisions and investment timing.

Some of the results are obvious, and others are quite surprising. Among the more obvious, the super rich carefully harvest losses so as to minimize their tax bills. This makes sense as the rich are more likely to be in the highest tax bracket, so they have the most to gain from taking losses. In addition, the rich have advisors and accountants who carefully manage taxes.

It is not surprising the rich have well-diversified portfolios considering they should have sophisticated advisors and plenty of assets to spread around. However, the study shows that on average they have a portfolio of nearly 120 stocks, two dozen mutual funds and exchange-traded funds (ETFs).

Any basic fundamental investment reading you do tells you this many holdings is over-diversification. When someone is over-diversified, he or she will find that their portfolio will behave much like the market in terms or risk and return generally will be less due to excess transactions fees and management fees. One is far better off investing the money in an index fund or index ETF. I would guess the rich face this quandary since they have on average six different advisors, and the advisors tend not to communicate with one another. Instead, one advisor should oversee asset allocation.

It is surprising that the super rich panicked and pulled out when the market fell in 2008. One would think that wealthy individuals would have kept a few million dollars in U.S. Treasury bonds for a rainy day. It surprises me that the affluent chase fads and bubbles and get caught holding such assets. For example, after loading up on mortgage-backed securities, they lost 36 percent in 2008. One would think that a professional advisor representing these clients would know better and not chase fads or inflated or bubble-type investments.

All aside, and on a positive note, here is what we can learn from the super rich:

• They make most of their ‘comparative advantages.’ This includes access to privileged investments, which are hard for the average or even kind of rich guy or gal to access. The rich often will overweight or participate in a particular area or industry where they have greater insight to that market than investors as a whole. You too may have the advantage of knowing an industry and company well and should look to capitalize on it.
• They do not do a lot of buying and selling but tend to buy and hold.
• They or their advisors manage their losses to benefit from reduced taxes.

You may not be super rich now, but no matter what the level of your wealth, you should be able to invest as they do and avoid their mistakes.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and should not be interpreted as individualized investment advice. Investment objectives, risk tolerances and the financial situation of individual investors may vary. Please consult your financial and tax advisors before investing.

- Create a list of the key elements that will remain in the room: sofa, rug, flooring.
- Determine your budget. Consider which changes will have the biggest bang for your budget, such as paint, slipcovers and accessories.
- Think about the purpose of the room and how you will like to feel in it. For example, do you see your family room as a quiet haven or a lively entertainment center?
- Determine your own personal color preferences. Do you gravitate toward warms, cools or neutrals?
- Collect color and fabric swatches and images from magazines and websites. Gather ideas from your favorite travel spots, gardens, seaside – what inspires you.

Once you’ve gathered your ideas, take a look at the collection and see which design elements stand out. Are there specific colors, styles or other elements that attract you? Group colors to see which ones most appeals to you. View all samples together in the room where they will be used. Then you can see how your choices look with what’s existing in the room and in the actual lighting conditions. Consider the size and scale of your room and its furnishings. Keep in mind the concept of harmony and balance while editing your choices.

I recently snagged a copy of celebrity chef Fabio Viviani’s cookbook, Fabio’s Italian Kitchen, and immediately fell in love with several of the recipes. I first met Fabio several months ago when I interviewed him for Today’s Chicago Woman. I was instantly blown away by how down to earth, kind and sharp he is, and we have since become friends.

Fabio has been spending a good deal of time in Chicago, since opening his restaurant, Siena Tavern, which he owns with partners at the DineAmic Group. It is fabulous, and if you haven’t been, call now for a reservation – rumor has it they are sold out through September!

Fabio is a perfect example of how good things happen to good people. His success is well deserved, and not only due to his culinary talents, but equally because he is a great person and kind to everyone around him. As I flipped through the cookbook’s pages, gazing at one mouth-watering dish after the next, I didn’t know where to start. The common theme in his book, and perhaps in most Italian cooking, is the overall simplicity and approachable nature of the recipes. In the end, I chose to make Chicken with Marsala Sauce, and after one bite, my boyfriend said, “This is the best dish you’ve ever made.” Thank you to Fabio for not only sharing his cookbook, but for making me look good, too!

Chicken Marsala from Fabio’s Italian Kitchen:

2 tbsp. butter

1 sprig thyme

3 cloves garlic, smashed

1 cup oyster or shitake mushrooms, sliced (I used shitake)

Salt and pepper

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

2 cups flour

1 tbsp. olive oil

1 cup sweet Marsala wine

¼ cup heavy cream

Melt the butter in a nonstick pan over medium heat. Add the thyme and let it heat through, then add the garlic and the sliced mushrooms. Season the entire pan with salt and pepper and cook until the mushrooms begin to brown and crispy, about 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, pound the chicken breast with a mallet until they are about ½-inch thick. Dredge each chicken breast with flour and shake off the excess.

Heat the olive oil over medium-high heat in a separate nonstick pan. Add the floured chicken breasts and cook them for about 2 minutes on each side. Add the wine to the pan and let it start to reduce, then add the mushroom, garlic and thyme mixture to the chicken pan, along with the heavy cream. Cook over medium heat until the cream has reduced and thickened. Remove the chicken from the pan and serve topped with the remaining sauce.

This recipe was taken directly from Fabio’s Italian Kitchen by Fabio Viviani. Copyright © 2013, 
VF Legacy, LLC. Published by Hyperion in April 2013. Available wherever books are sold. All Rights Reserved.

Chicago is more known for its condominiums than co-ops (a fairly new concept that began thriving in the 1960s ) with the conversion of apartment buildings. There was a condominium frenzy that occurred and has continued as new projects were launched by Chicago developers.

Co-ops actually existed before condominiums. There are a number of co-ops in the city that were built in the 1920s and early 1950s before the condo boom hit our town. Most of these co-ops were well-built as they were the only alternative to single family homes during this time. There are co-ops available at all price levels, from a couple hundred thousand dollars to over eight-million.

Co-ops are all different. Some require only 25 percent down (75 percent financing allowed), like at 1335 North Astor Street, and while others only allow 25-50 percent financing. There are a number of banks, Bank of New Lenox is one of them, which will finance a co-op.

The major difference between a co-op and a condo is an owner of a unit in a co-op owns shares in the corporation. They pay a percentage of the assessment and overhead of the building based on how many shares they have. Yet, the price of a unit is driven by the market and is sold like a co-op while real estate tax deductions on a co-op unit are allowed.

Co-ops also require a Thomas Report to determine if the buyer can afford the unit. This is because often the building can take back a unit if someone defaults on their assessments. Most also require both personal and business references and a Board interview. It sounds a bit daunting, but really if you can afford your unit, you should have no issues getting into most places, at least here in Chicago. Chicago co-ops are much less restrictive than New York.

The assessments at co-ops are similar to condominiums with a full time door staff and on-site engineer. But, again it depends on what floor you are on. Typically, the higher floors will cost more in assessments since most of these co-op buildings were built as high-rises, which by today’s standards are shadowed by the new high-rises that are much taller than in the past and blocking views. Look for the value in the lower floor apartments which will have lower assessments.

Lastly, most co-ops must be owner-occupied. Rentals are typically not allowed, so if you are looking for a straight investment property a co-op is not a good choice. But if you are seeking a community to live in with a stable population and quality lifestyle, consider a co-op.

LOVE ON AND OFF THE COURT

There are many ways to look at Connors’ seeming ‘revelation,’ but none appears to be defensible and none seem to be about ‘love’ – unless you are referencing a tennis score. No matter what your beliefs or feelings about the issue of abortion, I would respectfully suggest that this particular story tells more about Jimmy Connors’ character than anything else.

It takes two to have unprotected sex and two to risk a pregnancy, although obviously only one of those two young athletes would have carried any alleged baby for nine months. And while it may be easy for him to say now that he would have done the ‘right thing’ by her, how selective is his memory and what exactly would the right thing have been for him to do? And if he were willing to be such a ‘gentleman’ at the time, then why is he being such a cad now?

PILLOW TALK

Certain decisions and events between two people, who at least loved each other enough to seriously consider getting married, are not in anyone else’s ‘need to know’ column. Their exposure these 40 years later seems mean spirited and pointless. We all have had to make decisions about many things in our lives that, when we were older and wiser, we might do differently. We trust that those who were in the middle of those decisions with us will not deliberately betray us then or later…and certainly not for better book sales.

I have seen divorce and paternity cases where people knew many more scandalous things about their spouses or lovers than this and had the good grace to not use them either in or out of the courtroom. I applauded them when they chose to take the higher road, though I understand the temptation to ‘tell all’ when you are no longer in love.

The Connors story is a good example of why honoring the unwritten code of silence in your personal relationship is the right thing to do. In my opinion, it would appear that Jimmy Connors will not come out a winner in this particular match.

Mr. Boffoli’s photographs were taken in macro mode, a style of photography that employs a macro lens to take an extremely close-up shot of very small subjects making it appear larger than life.

Big Appetites makes me think of small design. I am currently obsessed with small-scaled furniture design and home décor. To find pieces that have been miniaturized and still retain its fine details is quite fascinating. I found a few pieces for the [small] home that are as beguiling as Mr. Boffoli’s collection of photographs. What better way to satisfy your appetite than to create a miniature dining room?

1. Unless you plan on camping outdoors (not physically, of course, but rather in your world of miniatures!) then we need to find a home. Brinca Dada’s Bennett House is a modern beauté. Heavily influenced by the De Stijl movement of the early 20th century, the lines, squares and asymmetrical patterns are emphasized for a cool take on a sleek home.

2. The Cole console by Paris Renfroe Design combines an industrial look with a sleek elegance. This console can be used as a buffet for all of your miniscule dishes.

3. The minimalist and monochromatic design of the Bennett House calls for a pop of color. When designing a room, it’s always a good idea to make a bold statement with wallpaper. For a miniature home, Paper Source is a great resource for makeshift wallpaper coverings. I’m falling deeply in love with this Black & Blue Modern Wave fine paper.

4. Another pick from Paris Renfroe Design is the X dining table with a square top. A clear top allows the base to shine through from every angle.

5.  The Eames DCW molded plywood dining chairs have been an icon in the design world since 1946. Now these copper painted replicas from Elf Miniatures can flank your dining table and impress your guests.

6. Feast on this cute and colorful kitchen kit from Bozart Toys. Not only is it colorful, but it’s also very reminiscent of the work of Dutch painter Piet Mondrian!

7. After you’ve stuffed yourself with the small bites, you could saunter over to your balcony and lounge on this chaise lounge made of teak and brass by OneFortyThree. The textures and striations in the wood are so yummy. Who needs dessert?

To see the full collection of Boffoli’s work, visit www.bigappetites.net.

We have less than one week to rack our brains and come up with the perfect gift to declare our love for mom. My children are young enough that I often choose what we are going to do for the day, which includes spending time either on Mother’s Day or close to it with my own mother. Which is the best gift of all and often missed. Time and attention. Here are a few fun ideas on things you can do to show mom you care this Mother’s Day.

• Pull out the old family albums and do some scrapbooking together! It’ll be a fun trip down memory lane and mom will probably get to share some stories that you’ve never heard before.
• Take a class together on something your mom has always wanted to learn how to do, whether it be quilting, painting, cooking or dance. She’ll love the company and you may find a new favorite hobby to do together.
• Give back to the community by volunteering together at a local women’s shelter or holding your own clothing/food drive.
• Book a family photo shoot. Sometimes it takes someone taking the reins and getting everyone together for a professional family photograph – this year, be that person for mom! She’ll treasure the photos and love having a nice picture of her family to proudly display in her home.
• Plant a small herb garden or urn of flowers for the front doorstep. You’ll enjoy the time together and mom will have a bountiful reminder of her special day all summer long.

But despite these ideas many Americans will hit the stores, which is great for the economy. The National Retailers Federation reports that consumers will go beyond the usual gifts of flowers and scarfs this year. 14.1 percent will buy electronics and one-third of the shoppers surveyed said they will buy jewelry.

Whatever you decide to do or spend, make it memorable.