Hippie Mom in a Preppy World

Zen’s 1st week… 4 months later

Bandora — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 15:33:06 +0000

Zen will be 4 months tomorrow and I finally had the chance to finish the recap of his 1st week. That is how busy things are over here!

I was delighted to see Zen do the newborn crawl that I had heard so much about. He was very sleepy and had a very shallow latch which we later learned was from being tongue tied in addition to having an upper lip tie but it was still awesome. I had requested to postpone the first bath until after nursing and later found that the nurses treated giving Zen’s bath like a hot potato, they were all too busy/nobody wanted to do it. He finally got his first bath on the 3rd day in the middle of the night.

A few hours after birth we learned that Zen was Coombs Positive. What this means is that he got his father’s blood type which is incompatible with my blood type and it can lead to jaundice if unchecked until his body got rid of my blood cells. The nurses were super strict with the bili lights as a result and tried to limit breastfeeding to only 20 minutes every 3 hours, this is contrary to normal advice for jaundice which lots of feeding is encouraged to help baby have lots of dirty diapers, it was also contrary to my mothering instinct of having skin to skin and bonding with him. Thankfully I was able to get permission from the doctor to put myself under the lights so Zen could have unlimited skin to skin and nurse on demand. Due to the bili lights ordeal we missed out on Zen having pictures taken by the hospital and that made me sad but I try to not dwell on it.

Unlimited skin to skin and nursing despite the bili lights. It CAN be done!

He was having lots of dirty diapers which was great but since he was so sleepy and had an ineffective latch he still managed to lose a lot of weight. I knew this was coming and I was prepared, I would express colostrum and feed it to him and would practically hand express in his mouth to get something in him. Thankfully the pediatrician understood my desire for a virgin gut and didn’t push supplementation and instead told me to “nurse him a million times a day” which I was glad to do. I am glad that despite them having an option of invoking a “medically necessary” excuse they didn’t push formula and I didn’t receive a “Breastfeeding Success Kit” aka formula gift bag on discharge.

Zen looking fashionable under the lights

My recovery was much harder this time. I lost a lot of blood and some of the nurses would forget about my request for pain relief until I was in agony. I snapped at one nurse that was 45 minutes late giving me painkillers and then had the nerve to tell me to not cough because it would hurt. Does it look like I want to cough?!

Overall the hospital experience was better than with Shammy with it being a different hospital. The only truly bad experience was a fiasco where an immature food service employee spilled my husband’s coffee while delivering my dinner and didn’t apologize nor try to help clean it up. The coffee spilled over lots of important papers, pictures and gifts. I made a scene about it because I was furious that she refused to at least apologize. The rest of the staff were great at trying to salvage what they could and replace the rest and the person’s supervisor paid me a visit right before discharge to apologize.

Discharge at Martin Memorial is different than at St Lucie Medical. With Shammy I was required to carry Shammy out while sitting in a wheelchair. At Martin Memorial they required Zen to be strapped to the carseat and carried out and I had to walk myself out while being escorted by a nurse that verified the carseat installation.

I went home knowing that it is normal for his bili levels to rise before falling so I planned to nurse often and make sure he got sunlight several times a day. He was a very sleepy baby compared to Shammy. I was blessed that Dr. Punger was kind enough to work with us and fit us into her schedule quickly to get Zen’s tongue tie situation addressed. Over that weekend that we had to wait my nipples started to suffer from nursing so often with a bad latch and my milk supply was suffering. I don’t think we would have lasted longer than another day without supplementing. Dr. Punger clipped Zen’s tongue tie AND upper lip tie. He looked like a vampire baby and I couldn’t help but giggle while refraining from taking a photo. His latch immediately improved and although it took him a couple of days to figure out how to work his tongue things only got better and my milk production increased.

By this point Zen had gotten a little orange due to breastmilk jaundice/Coombs + but with lots of nursing and sunlight we were able to avoid the hospital and he gradually went back to a normal color.

Zen only got better from there. Shammy has grown to love Zen and Zen really looks up to his big brother, I look forward to lots of playing together and bickering in the future. Shammy didn’t develop any jealousy over Zen nursing and I am proud to be a tandem nursing mama.

First of MANY tandem nursing sessions

My anemia got very bad with a hemoglobin level of 7.3, thankfully thanks to being able to have my placenta encapsulated I was able to get my hemoglobin up to 12.1 in just 5 weeks without taking any other supplements or paying any attention to my diet. The rest of my recovery however has been a long and painful road. My incision bled from any physical exertion for up to a month. Even though I weaned myself from painkillers after 10 days, I sometimes have to pop a Motrin to recover from carrying Shammy or cleaning something. Almost 4 months later I still experience residual pain and I sleep in a recliner because it’s too painful to lie down to sleep. I hope to be able to feel normal again… someday.

Zen’s Birth Story

Bandora — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 14:36:10 +0000

Zen’s birth story is not as dramatic as Shammy’s but it’s still special so I want to document it.

The c-section was scheduled for Tuesday July 17th. I was hoping to go into labor on my own before then but aside from some false alarms I walked into the hospital at 6am with no contractions. While in the process of getting prepped for surgery the contractions started to come to the point of the doctor seeing them on the monitor when he walked in to say hi and said “we won’t let those go on much longer”. By the time I was being prepped for anesthesia I was entering active labor with contractions 90 seconds apart that forced the anesthesiologist to work around them.

The anesthesiologist had trouble getting the spinal block in place because my belly was in the way of me leaning forward enough to allow my back to stick out so instead I had to endure through contractions AND the anesthesiologist moving the needle around my back, sometimes the needle would leave the numbed area while trying to find the space to inject which was very painful, it felt like an eternity before they finally found the spot and things started to move again. Ahh, the relief…

While we waited for them to bring my husband in I started to feel dizzy and about to pass out, it turns out that my blood pressure was dropping very fast. They injected something in my IV to bring it back up but I could see the worry in the anesthesiologists eyes as it wasn’t working fast enough and I feared that they would just knock me out completely and hubby wouldn’t be able to be there. Thankfully my blood pressure started to recover at the last minute and they were able to proceed.

This experience was vastly different than my first c-section. The first time it was an emergency and everything moved super fast. This time nobody was rushing and it felt like it took a very long time. I noticed that last time they were in such a rush to get baby out that they started before the anesthesia had fully taken effect. This time I was nice and numb and barely felt a thing. Because it was taking so long it was too easy for my mind to run away in anxiety so I forced my husband to talk to me and distract me during the whole time so when Baby Zen was being pulled out we were talking about what Shammy was probably having for breakfast with grandma. This meant that I didn’t get to listen to the Dr’s conversation which may have been a good thing as with Shammy I had the pleasure of listening to the Dr curse in Spanish because he didn’t know I spoke the language.

The doctor was not used to having to announce the gender and forgot so the nurse had to remember that we were waiting to find out if it was a boy or a girl. I was surprised that they didn’t let my husband cut the cord like last time or be there while they wiped and wrapped the baby, we both got to meet him at the same time. He looked so much like his brother!

In hindsight, it’s a good thing that I followed my gut and didn’t ask them to delay cord clamping. It turns out that Zen has his father’s blood type which is incompatible with mine and delaying on the cord would have allowed our bloods to mix more which would have not been good, more on that in a future post.

Daddy and baby went off to the nursery for weighing and other basics while I was being closed up. During that time the anesthesiologist says “listen! they’re playing that for your baby” as I heard the lullaby playing in the background which can be heard throughout most of the hospital every time a baby is born ::waterworks::.

Once again the closing part felt like it took forever and it turns out that it did because I had a lot of scar tissue from my first c-section and massive blood loss. I also learned that the doctor made a huge mess and the OR looked like a crime scene with a huge pool of blood on the floor, I’m sure that the custodial staff was thrilled, just a funny detail to tell Zen a few years from now.

This time I made it back to the recovery room before daddy and baby but the nurses were nice enough to keep me informed on the delay. My placenta made it to the room before they did. Yes, I was able to get my placenta! The OB had made it seem like mission impossible when I asked prenatally and I had braced myself for a war over it but it was as simple as telling the admitting nurse that I wanted to take it and signing a form, no resistance.

Since I had some “spare” time I got to update my Facebook status announcing the birth before daddy did, straight out of surgery. A few minutes later Zen and daddy arrived and I got to enjoy much relaxing skin to skin time with my new son.

Coming soon, Zen’s first few days….

Introducing….

Bandora — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 16:09:22 +0000

Zen Brian Fox was born at 7:47am on July 17, 2012. He was 8 lbs, 12 oz and 20 inches long.

The birth story will follow in a few days, weeks or months, not sure when since I don’t get as much computer time as I used to.

When a crunchy momma does a soggy thing

Bandora — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 12:15:00 +0000

I didn’t think that I would be blogging again before baby but here I am sitting a day before my scheduled c-section and have a lot in my mind.

I hang around the crunchy mama community in my area, it’s just my type of people because we have so much in common, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, etc. It’s not surprising that the bulk of them are homebirthers as well. Now that word has been spreading about my birth plans, I have been feeling a lot of judgment over the fact that I’m having a scheduled c-section. I can see it being hard to understand why someone as crunchy as me would be planning something like this, if I was an outsider I would be shocked too. A lot of the judgment has been indirect, nothing being said to my face but getting the look and tone that I know all too well and the things that I hear from 3rd parties confirm that it’s there.

I don’t really blame them for judging as I understand where they are coming from, the sad thing about it is that I guess I feel misunderstood because the vast majority of them don’t know WHY I’m stuck with a scheduled c-section. Anybody that has been reading this blog since my first pregnancy knows how I feel about convenience c-sections with no medical reason but not everybody has read my blog, specially going that far back in time.

Most of them don’t know the circumstances that led to my first c-section as I don’t feel like constantly telling that story. Most of them don’t understand why a homebirth VBAC is not a viable option for us, specially with the providers in this area. None of them know that an unassisted birth is not a viable option in my case. Almost none of them know that the scar tissue in my cervix greatly reduces my odds of a successful VBAC making the effort of driving 1+ hour south or North to a hospital and doctor that would let me have a “trial of labor” is almost not worth the hassle and extra expense.

They also don’t understand that since my odds of having a successful VBAC are less than 50% I would also be setting myself up for a worse round of PPD/PTSD if I ended up with a repeat emergency section.

I did my research, I learned the risks. It was a very hard decision early in my pregnancy, I started planning a VBAC but the more I researched the available options the more I got discouraged. I know many people that have had successful VBACs, some as recently as a few weeks ago but they don’t have the same risk factors that I do.

I admit that I’m scared but I would be even more scared of attempting a vaginal birth. The fact that a Facebook friend recently attempted a VBAC at a hospital and her uterus ruptured thus depriving her baby of oxygen in the couple of minutes it took the doctor to perform the c-section and now she is burying her baby this week, it just breaks my heart and messes with my mind. I know that the odds of that happening to me are very slim but they’re still there and her experience is too recent in my memory so it would sabotage me mentally.

I don’t expect everyone to understand, but since most people will just jump to conclusions without giving me a chance to explain why I had to get this out of my chest.

If all goes well by this time tomorrow I’ll be holding my new baby. I’m ready but I’m also anxious and excited, no need to ask me if I am. I am also nervous but that’s normal. I probably won’t sleep tonight.

38weeks and 6 days, 2 days before the scheduled arrival of “Thing #2″

In the final stretch!

Bandora — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 01:38:06 +0000

This 3rd trimester seems to be flying by, 37 weeks today! I guess it’s a good thing since this round has been a LOT more uncomfortable than my first pregnancy. Despite feeling crappy in one way or another 24/7 I still don’t have the “I’m sick of being pregnant” feeling that a lot of moms talk about. I’m sick of feeling crappy, of swollen feet 24/7, I’m sick of not being able to clean my house even if I want to, I’m sick of having small tasks such as picking toys off the floor leaving me in pain and gasping for air but I’m nowhere near sick of pregnancy itself. Does that make me a masochist?

What I think does make me a masochist is to agree to go to Disney World so late in pregnancy. I had done pretty good at keeping swelling at bay until that uber hot day waddling around a park. Now I have permanent cankles as a souvenir but it was worth it to see the look of absolute joy in my son’s face when meeting his favorite Star Wars character Chewbacca. Chewie was a good sport and gave him a hug before posing for photos.

I’m excited and terrified at the fact that I’ll soon be tandem nursing. Even though Shammy has made great strides in his weaning journey, he is down to nursing twice a day for a short time I’m afraid that he’ll regress to close to a newborn pattern once baby is here. Meanwhile I still enjoy our bond although I admit that sometimes it’s not comfortable, we’ve been having latch issues recently and it’s hard to nurse while having contractions but it’s hard to resist when he asks nicely. Plus he’s still getting lots of immunity from it, he’s been exposed to sick people, even his father was very sick and they had very close interaction yet Shammy remained perfectly healthy, can’t beat that benefit!

nursing while contracting

Something that I’m a little anxious about is sleep after baby is born, not about how much or when I’ll sleep but rather WHERE I’ll sleep. Right now we have an awesome cosleeping arrangement with a king size mattress and a full size mattress together on the floor, everybody has plenty of room to roll around and lots of room for a new addition and if Shammy rolls off the bed it’s only an 8 inch fall that sometimes doesn’t even wake him up. However when Shammy was born I had a horrible time getting up from a regular height bed, I don’t see any way that I could possibly get up from the floor at least for the first week or 2. I’m dreading having to sleep in the crappy futon but I may have no choice unless a recliner mysteriously shows up in my front door.

it’s not hell at all

As much as I love that Shammy has been able to rear face in his carseat this long and I would love to keep him that way, he is at the max for height for his seat rear facing even though he has many pounds left for weight. Sadly there are few carseats that I can buy that will give him many inches to grow AND fit in the backseat of our car and they’re out of our budget so this month we get to turn his seat around at the same time that we install a second carseat. I admit to feeling a little heartbroken about this but at least he was able to make it to the month of his 2nd birthday rearfacing thus meeting the minimum safety recommendation.

My nesting urge has been stronger this round but it also has been somewhat unconventional. Instead of being obsessed with cleaning (I’m upset enough that I can’t clean what I want) I’ve been nesting by stocking up on consumables like toilet paper and trying to pay some bills in advance to make it easier on hubby while I’m not working.

When people ask “are you scared?”, they usually refer to labor and birth but to be quite honest what I’m terrified about is being home alone with 2 kids for a whole day.

Given my slow rate of writing this is most likely my last post this pregnancy, the next one will probably be a birth announcement, agh!