Techoo!

Windows XP SP3 Coming Soon

2008-04-21T20:11:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a while, folks, and I hope you haven't thought I was dead. Justin broke the silence last week, so I thought that I might as well get my lazy ass up and writing. Tearing the Macbook Air a new asshole can really wear down on you.

I don't think there's a better way to get back on track than to show how Microsoft attempts to get back on track themselves. Service Pack 3 for Windows XP is due out in eight days, and here's the features to look forward to:

Increased Reliability
Possible 10% Speed Boost

That's it! Enjoy! Yes, the speed boost would be quite a welcome improvement, but that feature is rumored, so you really only have increased reliability to look forward to. Still not a bad deal, so be sure to upgrade.

Master Chief: LEGO Style

2008-04-10T12:22:00.004-05:00

The fight is finished... right? Wrong. Recently it is being said that Bungie Studios will be embarking on a new project in cooperation with the creators of all the LEGO games: LEGO Halo. That's right. A tiny, plastic Master Chief is to star in the first LEGO FPS. For those of you who don't live for video games, FPS is simply an acronym for "first-person shooter".

What does this mean for the story of Halo? First off, it probably means a little less cursing and a lot less blood. LEGO games usually aim for an "E" rating from the ESRB, and seeing how the real Halo is rated "M"--one can easily assume that the overall violence may be taken down a notch. Well won't that take away from all the good that is Halo? Maybe not.

It is actually predicted that this edition of Halo is to be just as successful as other LEGO titles (i.e. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman, etc.), if not as much as its more mature counterpart. Personally, I can't wait to see what LEGO Halo is going to bring to the table. There is one last thing I should probably address here however...

This article appeared in EGM's April issue: a magazine known for it's "April Fools antics". So will there really be a LEGO Halo? Only time will tell...

(click here for more)

MacBook Air: Apple's Supreme Brain Fart

2008-01-16T20:02:00.000-06:00

Well, MacWorld has come and gone, and all anyone got was this lousy laptop. Seriously, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. This laptop sucks major wang.

Now I know that you may be saying "Hey, T! You haven't even touched it yet! How could you possibly bash this laptop so soon?! It's not fair!"

Well, I have plenty of reasons to hate this svelte little Turd from Cupertino, and I'll give 'em to you right now.

The overall form factor, ridiculously slim and light, is executed flawlessly. Unfortunately, almost everything you'd find in a normal laptop had to either be removed or replaced with Steven Jobs' raw excrement to pull it off. There's only one, count 'em, ONE USB port on this puppy, along with a mono audio out. Yes, you heard right. MONO. It's TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING EIGHT, Apple! Your mono crap makes me want to put on a leisure suit, hop into my AMC Pacer, crank the 8-Track up to the max and elect Jimmy Carter's ass back into the White House. MONO, Stevie-boy? Get real.

Another addition to the list of things castrated from this laptop is an optical disc drive. No CD, no DVD, no nothing. How will I install my programs, you might ask? Well, Apple has included this nifty software that allows you to access the CD or DVD drive of another Windows or Mac computer in order to install programs, move files, or anything that requires a disc. Oh, I could just imagine that conversation on the plane!

MacBook Air Owner: Excuse me, sir.

Other Laptop Owner: Yes?

MacBook Air Owner: Do you mind if I install this program on your laptop so I can watch a DVD on my laptop?

Other Laptop Owner: Why would you need to do that?!

MacBook Air Owner: Because I just bought this MacBook Air, and it doesn't come with a DVD drive. Could you please help me?

Other Laptop Owner: It seems like your pansy-ass laptop needs to grow a pair! Screw off, jackass!

The Other Laptop Owner dons his headphones as the MacBook Air owner listens to his Michael Bolton in mono. He wishes he had his leisure suit.

Your processor choices for the Air are quite scarce, as well. You have a choice of either a 1.6 or 1.8 Ghz Core 2 Duo, and your only choice in the memory department is 2GB. Hard drive options include a 80GB 42oorpm PATA or a 64GB solid state drive. Although the solid state drive will most likely provide stellar durability and speed, it jacks up the price of your Turd by over a grand.

The cost of the Air will either be $1,799 or $3,098. That's it! Two options.

There are a couple of good things about this ultra-portable, however. The touchpad has been blessed by the wonderful multi-touch technology first introduced in the iPhone, and the Air has so much sex appeal that it would make Larry King look like a late-1990's Clinton. Other than that, total shit.

Now I'm gonna go take a shower. I feel dirty now...

Amazon MP3 Downloads Finally Get Songs

2008-01-10T19:21:00.000-06:00

My dream has been realized. A few short months after the release of Amazon's foray into the music market, they have inked deals with Warner, EMI, Universal, and now Sony-BMG. Now they have a virtual corn-u-copia of DRM-free music for your perusal. What's the catch, you ask? Well, it seems that Amazon has also made a deal with physical stores to offer pre-paid cards to download certain items available from Amazon. No word if they'll restrict specific albums or songs for sale only in retail stores, but it will probably happen, if I know my greedy brick-and-mortar retailers correctly.

Warner Bros. Adopt Blu-ray, HD-DVD Crippled

2008-01-05T10:19:00.000-06:00

Another major film studio has chosen sides in the first format battle of this millennium. Warner has decided to use the Blu-ray disc as their sole next-generation format.

Soon after the announcement, the HD-DVD group canceled a foo-foo L.A. cocktail party. It's thought that HD-DVD was in last-minute negotiations with Warner, but eventually lost. Is this a sign of the death of HD-DVD? Let's hope so, because I need to find out what I can replace my Betamax with.

Dell Crystal Widescreen Blows Minds

2008-01-03T21:44:00.000-06:00

Not to mention pocketbooks. Dell has been showin' this baby off for awhile now at conventions, trade shows, etc.--claiming it was merely a concept and taunting drooling consumers. Now, this 22-inch Dell Crystal LCD monitor is ready for purchasing.

I mentioned pocketbooks before, and now I'll tell you just how far one of this gems will set you back: $1,199. Yes, that's quite a bit more than their other 22-inchers, but this is a limited edition crystal monitor people. If appearances mean anything to you, money is immaterial here. This is definitely a must-have.

Dell's new fancy-shmancy monitor features 4 speakers, a 1680x1050 (WSXGA+) resolution, built-in webcam, and DVI and HDCP-compliant HDMI connectivity all in one cable. You can read more about Dell's new rainmaker here and here. Enjoy!

New BlackBerry Surfaced?

2007-12-31T09:30:00.000-06:00

Could this be the next big BlackBerry? This picture of what is presumed to be the new 9000 series was posted on the BlackBerryForums recently, with a one-word comment of "Enjoy."

Will this model have a touchscreen as so many are hoping? Will it have the ability to read HTML e-mail? One can only wait until it comes out in the first half of '08.

Oh, by the way...happy new year to everyone. Here's to a prosperous year for both Techoo and its readers.

[Pocket-lint]

Amazon Kindle Goes Kaput. The Beginning Of Something Big?

2007-12-30T10:00:00.000-06:00

A very unfortunate man has submitted this picture to CrunchGear. It seems that with little to no use, much less abuse, the screen of his girlfriend's Amazon Kindle is gradually deteriorating. It could be just a isolated problem, or it could be the start of something a little more serious. When the man informed Amazon, they said that they were aware of the problem and would send a new one as soon as the backorders are filled. So, if you own a Kindle, you should probably start watching out.

The Romantics Snubbed In Court

2007-12-24T11:30:00.000-06:00

It appears that Guitar Hero has won the battle with the 80's band The Romantics. As you may have read earlier, The Romantics were suing Activision for using a cover of the song "What I Like About You" that sounded too much like the original. A federal judge rejected the band's request to have the song removed from the catalog of Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80's.

Too bad, guys. Merry Christmas.

Christmastyme Revue

2007-12-23T21:24:00.000-06:00

Well, the day is finally upon us. Christmas is two days away, and we sure do hope that all of you out there have finally finished your shopping, but we know that most of you haven't. If you're still searching for that perfect gift, we have a few good tips and product ideas for ya.

1. Send 'em an online gift card.
The deadlines for shipping a gift by Christmas has passed for most retailers without their own private Concorde jets, so actually buying your special someone a physical gift is not near impossible without heading into the deadly masses of shoppers at the retail stores. The solution? An online gift card. Most online retailers offer there cards, and they can be emailed to the recipient within seconds of ordering. No traveling, no wrapping, just gifting! Easy.

2. Give 'em a USB stress relief thingy!
If your friend is angered by you not getting him/her a present for the past few years, give them this. Instead of releasing their rage on you, they'll happily punch this plastic face that makes noises of pain when impacted.

3. Give 'em a Wii VC game.
If the guy/gal has a Wii, and you do too, then a Virtual Console game could make the perfect gift. Just recently, Nintendo has updated the Wii Shop Channel to allow users to send a game to one of their friend's Wii's over the interwebpages.

4. Get all that shopping done by living at Wal-Mart.
A woman from Georgia did it, so why can't you? This woman shopped, ate, and slept for 72 hours inside a 24-hour Wal-Mart Supercenter in Lilburn, Georgia. She eventually had to be escorted out of the store by police, but not after checking out. So if you really want to get that physical gift by Christmas morning, then get your comfortable shoes and bring a pillow to your local Wal-Mart!

Wizardry: Rare J.K. Rowling Book Sold For $4 Mil

2007-12-15T17:15:00.001-06:00

Amazon.com flexed their check-writing muscle recently buy purchasing one of seven handmade copies of J.K. Rowling's compilation of fairy tales, The Tales of Beedle the Bard. Here's a little bit from Amazon's bragging page.

We're incredibly excited to announce that Amazon has purchased J.K. Rowling’s The Tales of Beedle the Bard at an auction held by Sotheby’s in London. The book of five wizarding fairy tales, referenced in the last book of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, is one of only seven handmade copies in existence. The purchase price was £1,950,000, and Ms. Rowling is donating the proceeds to The Children's Voice campaign, a charity she co-founded to help improve the lives of institutionalized children across Europe.

The Tales of Beedle the Bard is extensively illustrated and handwritten by the bard herself--all 157 pages of it. It's bound in brown Moroccan leather and embellished with five hand-chased hallmarked sterling silver ornaments and mounted moonstones.

If you take a look at the pictures of the actual book, the cover and illustration designs look pretty morbid, so who knows what the pages hold.

Ultimate Geekery: New KITT Chosen

2007-12-12T16:23:00.000-06:00

The car to be used as KITT in NBC's upcoming Knight Rider TV movie will be a Shelby GT500KR Mustang, according to Jalopnik.

Although pretty sweet looking, and with a nice integration of the trademark red scanner, the Trans Am seemed to have more of a soul to it. A little more soul than a Mustang that has been raped of all FoMoCo ovals and sex un-appeal. Hopefully it will cushion the blow of Ford's obviously imminent demise.

The movie, slated to air on February 17, stars actors and actresses from such runaway hits as All My Children, The Young and the Restless, and Veronica Mars. It should be expected to be a quite painful two hours to watch. Fear not, however! David Hasselhoff will guest star as Michael Knight, so stay tuned for those three minutes!

Bring Out 'Yer Dead: CompUSA Kicks The Bucket

2007-12-09T11:13:00.001-06:00

TWIN PEAKS, WASHINGTON-The body of CompUSA was found this dead this morning, wrapped in plastic, on the shores of Best Buy Lake.

No, this wasn't the actual article, but it might as well have been.

CompUSA, the Dallas-based overpriced computer retailer has been sold to the Gordon Brothers restructuring firm, and will close all of its stores after the holiday season. I wonder if the store closing sales will be as crappy as the last ones they had earlier this year.

Firefox Gran Paradiso: Firefox 2.0-Suckage

2007-12-09T11:04:00.000-06:00

I downloaded the Gran Paradiso version of Firefox a few weeks ago, and have just now started playing with it. My main opinion so far is as follows: kickass.

Firefox 2.0 has had it's shortcomings. I've experienced slowdowns with 2.0 that hearken back to my days of dial-up, and my Linux version crashes no less that 7,982 times a day. Yes, I'm exaggerating, but I expect much more out of Firefox, so I have been using Opera for the past month with much satisfaction. Now, I have discovered Gran Paradiso, the beta version for Firefox 3.0, and it has amazed me. It's nothing short of blazing fast, and I have yet to experience a crash yet. And this is the Linux version, mind you. I'll probably be using this from now on, or until I find a glaring bug, which I doubt.

Rockin' On 'Da Commodore

2007-11-27T20:15:00.000-06:00

This exceeds so many levels of badassedry it's unbelievable. It even beckons the creation of the word badassedry.

You see that picture over there? Yeah, that one. Do you see anything unusual about it? You see the plastic guitar, so you might assume that this is about Guitar Hero. You'd be right, but you still haven't found what's different. Maybe a different console, perhaps? Give up? How about that it's a FUCKING COMMODORE 64 RUNNING GUITAR HERO!!!!!!!!!

Yes, brothers! You can indulge your 20+ year-old personal computer with the modern badassedry (there it is again) of the best musically-themed game of all time.

It's called Shredz64, and the genius behind it reports that the guitar interface he's created is 98% functional. In my book, that means somewhat playable! Sir, you have way too much time on your hands, but oh how well you've spent it.

Scogg's Score: Marathon Madness

2007-11-25T21:13:00.001-06:00

After the release of the fastest-selling video game in history, Halo 3, rumors have been flooding cyberspace like crazy. People are wondering what former Microsoft affiliate Bungie Studios will do now that they've finished the so-called "final chapter" of perhaps what has become one of the most revolutionary First-person Shooter games in the history of the industry, (second only to Doom). Well, I'll tell you what I've heard.

Remember back in the '90s a little after Doom was released? There was a game made for Macintosh computers by Bungie that went by the name of Marathon. The first-person shooter genre was still in its infancy, but for those who played it, Marathon represented "a landmark in Macintosh gaming".

What many people don't know is that much of what Halo was based on came from concepts from Marathon. Now for the juicy bit: rumor has it that Bungie plans to completely remake the Marathon series using to their full advantage all the pleasures of modern technology. Could this be the next big FPS blockbuster, or just one more FPS blowout? Only time can tell...

Zach's Office Chair of Rage: Visa

2007-11-25T16:21:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in my office chair, thoroughly pissed at a certain credit card company. I also know other people who share my sentiment.

You've probably seen those commercials for Visa check cards that show the well-oiled machine of capitalism chugging along with people effortlessly and quickly completing their transactions by swiping their debit cards. But wait, who's that asshole that's writing a check?! The flawlessly choreographed symphony of shopping grinds to a sudden halt when the poor bastard at the counter fumbles with cash or tears out a check. Then, they either continue their transaction like a consumer with balls would do, or notice their monetary misstep and pull out the VISA CARD.

Okay Visa, it's time you got a little taste of my rage. I'm one of those people that uses cash on a daily basis. What kind of damn problem to you have with cash holders. Yes, I know that your commercials are an exaggeration, but they are very offensive to those of us who enjoy using money.

Oh, and one more thing. I do admit that I use a debit card. A MASTERCARD debit card! Stick that up your pipe and smoke it, bitch.

The Romantics Sue Activision

2007-11-24T13:05:00.000-06:00

Guitar Hero might be in trouble. The Romantics, the 80's band that made the hit "That's What I Like About You," is angry that the cover song of the same name on Guitar Hero Rocks the 80's doesn't suck as much as their original version. So would it come as a surprise that they're suing? They think that it is a violation of copyright law to make a song that sounds too much like the original. Well, here's what the Copyright Act says:

"...the arrangement shall not change the basic melody or fundamental character of the work..."

If the group gets their way, there is a possibility that the game could be taken off of the shelves. Good luck with that. If they lose, my punishment would be for the whole band to be forced to watch a TGI Fridays commercial with their song on it playing on a constant loop. Forever.

T! At Black Friday 2007

2007-11-24T10:26:00.000-06:00

My video camera was on the fritz, so I only have pictures from my cheesetastic cameraphone to report to you.

I crawled out of bed at 4a.m., and left the house by 4:15. I traveled 25 miles to Circuit City in Denton, Texas, to take advantage of the $8 2GB USB drive.

I wasn't expecting to see any die-hard shopper lines in Denton, but when I passed Best Buy on the way to Circuit City, I saw a line full of tents, chairs, and crazy people. The same sight greeted me when I arrived to the City.

I waited in line for about ten minutes before the doors opened at 5. Once opened, everyone started to pour in.

After wriggling my way past the crowd, I finally found the huge cardboard box full of USB drives. I grabbed three of them, and charged to the register.

Once the cashier scanned my items, the total popped up on the screen. $48. What? These are $8 bucks apiece! What I didn't know, and the folks at black-friday.net didn't tell me, was that there was a mail-in rebate, and there was a limit of one per person. I immediately snapped back a demand to have my money back, then I calmly said that I would like to just have one. It wasn't what I expected, but I got what I wanted.

After Circuit City, I traveled to many stores looking for prospective gifts and watching the crowds take this day way too seriously. My first stop was across the boulevard to the Golden Triangle Mall, our local mall since 1979. Even though it's drawing it's dying breaths, and will soon be snuffed out by a mega shopping center on the other side of town, the anchor stores were open extra early to greet shoppers.

I walked through the empty halls, and through the busy aisles of JCPenney and Sears.

This lady is so tired that she apparently can't even carry her pillows without dragging them pathetically on the ground.

After the mall, I stopped by Target, which was by far the most crowded store out of any other that morning. I didn't stay very long, especially after I witnessed this sea of people:

Once I escaped Target, I just want to random stores, picking up a few gifts along the way. I had a good time, but one thing is for sure. I probably won't be doing this again for a loooooong time.

Techoo! Goes To Black Friday

2007-11-22T20:39:00.000-06:00

I'm setting my alarm for 4a.m. in the mornin', cause I'm taking part in the festivities of Black Friday.

First, a trip to Circuit City, to nab a couple of those 2GB Sandisk Cruzers for 8 bucks. After that, anything goes. I'm thinking about videotaping my travels for publishing on this interweb tubepage, so stay tuned.

The Weekender: Forecast for Rain

2007-11-15T21:00:00.000-06:00

I know that this is an oldie, but it's a goodie for sure. Anyone remember this, or the countless parodies of it on YouTube? I will explain no more, since the video should explain more than enough.

Amazon to Release E-Book Reader Monday

2007-11-15T20:52:00.000-06:00

Hey, do you remember the Sony Reader I talked about earlier? You don't? You guys are going to have to start remembering these things.

Anyway, Amazon is about to get in on the ~~lucrative~~ e-book business with their new Kindle e-book reader.

CNet reports that it's equipped with wi-fi in order to connect to the Amazon e-book store to quench your thirst for books. The price tag is expected to be about $399, so it's still to friggin' expensive, considering you could buy a Palm Z22 that can do the exact same thing, or a beefier model for more reading. I sure hope this does better than the Sony Reader, but I heavily doubt it.

Zach's Linux Switch: Video Editing

2007-11-15T20:39:00.000-06:00

I'm gonna add a little more to my Linux switch saga; this time I'm talking about video editors, and how much all of them in Linux suck.

Seriously. Linux can do pretty much all of the things Windows can do with little to no effort, while editing a simple video is a major pain in the ass. No video editor is included in Ubuntu, and all of the editors I have tried either crash, have absolutely no features or fail to play the video properly at all.

The first one I tried, PiTiVi, looked like a pretty good candidate. Just import your vids, drag and drop to the timeline, and add all of the wonderful effects and transitions you like, right? Wrong. It didn't include any transitions, titles, effects, or anything else that a video editor would normally have. Pretty pathetic.

Pretty much all of those I have tried since PiTiVi have been even worse. Most of them will play the video, but with no audio. Some will crash upon booting, and some won't open at all.

The video editing scene in the Linux world is in a sad state of affairs, and it will keep many people from switching if the problems aren't solved.

Check Mii Out: Bordem In Ten Minutes Or Less GUARANTEED!

2007-11-11T19:20:00.000-06:00

I just downloaded the brand spankin' new Check Mii Out channel for the good 'ol Wii. If you don't know about this new little channel, just have a seat on the rug and grandpa T will tell you a story.

Check Mii Out is a new WiiWare channel by Nintendo that allows you to vote on and trade your and other people's miis. You can also enter mii look-alike contests. Yup, that's about it.

After downloading, I started it up and was immediately sickened by the annoying music. I thought
the Wii Shop Channel was bad. Anyway, I posted Dick Cheney mii, voted on a couple of Miis that
looked kinda cool, then turned it off and played bowling. It was a pretty pathetic experience, to say
the least. It's free, so you don't have an excuse not to download it, but you'll have a million reasons not to use it.

Excelsior! OS X Leopard On A PC!

2007-10-28T09:30:00.000-05:00

No one thought it could be done! It was just an impossible dream; a dream that would never come to fruition. Well, kiddos, it's finally happened. OS X... on a...

...PC!

Yes! With a dead-simple patch of the DVD image; you, yes, you, can have OS X running on your PC.

Oh, and before running off to the link below, I must warn you. After installing, it's most likely that absolutely nothing will work. Oh well, you've got MAC...ON A FREAKIN' PC!!!

Hack Attack: Install Leopard on your PC in 3 easy steps! [Dailyapps]