These newly-released meditations run between 9 to 12 minutes each and cover:

• Letting Go of Guilt
• Releasing Resentment
• Loneliness and Cultivating Connection
• Burnout Recovery
• Releasing Overwhelm
• Navigating the Unknowns

Tapping has been proven to reduce stress by 42%! Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Experience the Power of Tapping

In order to share the power of tapping, I’m offering a free Caregiver Support Tapping Meditation for you to try. Click here to access it.

After you opt-in, you’ll be able to experience this Meditation designed specifically for you.

And as an added bonus, The Tapping Solution is providing a free 14-day trial of premium access to their app. If you decide to keep the app after 14 days, you will receive a discounted price of 50% off.

Whether you take the trial or not, you still get access to the Caregiver Support Tapping Meditation after you opt-in. 

Feedback from Caregivers Who’ve Used The Meditations

Here are comments we received from early adapters of our Caregiver Support Meditations:

• Thank you!  I’ve requested caregiver support and it’s here. What a blessing this will be as I continue caring for my husband with dementia. I cannot thank you enough! 
• All of the caregiver tappings are exactly what I’ve been searching for. Thank you so much
• I wanted to tell you how much you putting the caregiver support sessions into the app a bit ago made a difference In my life. My brother had down Syndrome and dementia and it was a very challenging couple years and when I saw this come through the app I was so excited and I wished I had it two years ago. I don’t think people really understand what it’s like to be a caregiver for someone that is struggling physically or mentally.

I’ve used Tapping during several difficult challenging times in my life (not only during caregiving), and I hope you’ll give it a try, too!

All of our aging parents and other relatives decline in various ways and at different rates, but here are some guidelines to help you decide if it’s time to take steps to move mom and dad out of their long-time home into an assisted living environment.

Physical Safety First

This is the most critical benchmark to apply.  It’s a simple question to ask yourself, “Are he/she/they safe living at home alone?”

Would they know what to do in case of an emergency?  And would they be capable of taking those actions? For example, are they able to dial 911 quickly?

If they fell anywhere in their home, do they wear a pendant or bracelet with a call button to push for help?  Will they remember to do so, and even how to, if they panic?

If they are a married couple, would they hear their spouse calling for help from another room?  Are they strong enough, mentally and physically, to help the other one in an emergency (i.e., a fall)?

If there’s a natural disaster (i.e., earthquake, hurricane, or tornado), would they know what to do during and after to survive if help doesn’t arrive quickly?

Are they a continuous fall risk? Have they had multiple falls in the past month or two?

Are They Potential Targets of Scammers?

Would they give out personal information over the phone to a stranger?  Can they hear well enough on the phone to identify who they’re speaking with?

Would they open their front door to strangers or solicitors?

Are they comfortably in control of their finances and doing their own banking successfully? Are the bills getting paid on time? Have there been any irregularities with their bank accounts or credit cards?

If they use a tablet or computer, are they savvy enough to be aware of and avoid online schemes and scammers?

Are they hard of hearing or is their vision declining? These factors could increase their vulnerability.

Warning Signs in their Day-to-Day Living

In a previous blog post I created a detailed list of things to pay attention to when visiting your parents, whether you live nearby or far away.  You don’t have to pepper them with questions to figure out if they’re doing fine on a day-to-day basis.  Just walk through their home and observe whether these warning signs of decline are evident.  Try your best to really be objective — it’s hard to admit to ourselves when our parents may be declining.

Your Next Steps?

Based on your honest answers to these questions, if there is any doubt in your mind that your aging parents are no longer secure in their present homes, now is the time to start researching assisted living facilities. It’s best to be proactive rather than reactive on this issue, to avoid having to find a place for them quickly in case of an emergency.  Even if they’re not ready to look into alternative living arrangements themselves, as their adult children and family caregivers, it would be wise to begin touring potential new residences.

It’s also time to start the conversation with them about moving. They probably won’t buy into the idea about moving after only one conversation. It will take time, so begin. You won’t be sorry you did.

Caregivers face challenges and a wide variety of emotions on a daily basis. I know, I’ve been there! If you are experiencing any of the feelings listed below, using tapping for self-care can be a powerful tool that will help:

• guilt
• stress
• loneliness
• overwhelm
• burnout
• resentment
• sadness
• fear of the unknowns ahead
• anticipatory grief

I’m excited to announce I have partnered with The Tapping Solution to create a series of six Caregiver Support Tapping meditations made specifically for caregivers’ relief. I’ll let you know as soon as they’re available, which should be in the near future. I’ve used tapping throughout my life when facing difficulties, and hope you’ll give it a try.

What is Tapping?

Tapping, also called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), is a combination of the principles of ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology. Specifically, it is a method of saying positive affirmations or meditations while tapping gently on nine places of the upper body.

It is easy to learn and effective in decreasing stress, anxiety, guilt and many other difficult emotions caregivers feel.

What are the Benefits of Tapping?

• It’s easy to learn. You can learn at home, on your own, and no special equipment is needed.
• Tapping can be done anywhere — spoken out loud or to yourself.
• A tapping meditation takes only 10-15 minutes maximum, and you can shorten it if needed.
• Tapping gives you the opportunity to reframe your caregiving day from a negative into a positive space. It helps to reduce stress, worries, guilt and all of the other challenging feelings you may have.
• And, it goes hand-in-hand with mindfulness because you will be in the present moment and focused while tapping.

How Do I Start to Tap?

The basic Tapping technique requires you to focus on a negative emotion at hand. This can be a fear, a worry, or an unresolved challenge or problem. While keeping your mental focus on this issue, you use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times on nine specific meridian points of the body, the same used in acupressure.

Tapping on meridian points sends a calming signal to the brain, reducing cortisol levels and letting your brain know it’s safe to relax. The script you hear and then repeat helps take your mind from distress into a much improved state — all within a 15 minute maximum time frame.

Watch this video below for a brief introduction on how to tap from Jessica Ortner, CEO of the Tapping Solution:

Does Tapping Work?

Stress is an inherent part of caregiving.

There are hundreds of scientific studies about the effectiveness of Tapping. One study found that Tapping decreases cortisol, known as the stress hormone, by 43% in our bodies.

Read what researchers have learned in EFT Tapping research studies and results.

Tapping is also proven to improve sleep, reduce anxiety, decrease negative feelings, increase productivity, and more. That’s why it’s being used by so many people around the world. The Tapping Solution app has been downloaded by people in over 130 countries. And soon we’ll have a Tapping meditation series completely dedicated to caregivers!

And if you can’t wait to start Tapping . . .

Simply click here to learn more about all of the Tapping meditations available now. The link will take you to a 14-day free trial to get you started Tapping!

I’ll announce when the Caregiver Tapping Series is scheduled to launch!

This page contains affiliate links. If you use these links to make a purchase we may earn a commission. 

I am a huge proponent of support groups because I’ve learned so much and received comfort by attending them during crises in my life.  For many years I was also a family caregivers support group leader for my local Alzheimer’s Association chapter, and my life was enriched by listening to the people who attended my groups.

My first support group experience was in 1996 when I became a member of a breast cancer survivors’ support group. Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I started going to meetings, asking questions, and listening carefully to the survivors there. They gave me knowledge, different perspectives, and lots of hope. The experiences these women shared were very valuable, and helped me make decisions about what treatment options were best for me.

The next support group I attended was with my father in 2001 and it was for spouses of Alzheimer’s disease patients. We went together because I thought he’d benefit from it and he wouldn’t go alone.  But, like many men of his generation, he didn’t care for the experience, and unfortunately we stopped going after several meetings.

I still felt I could use a support group as my mom’s disease progressed, so I found one specifically geared to adult children of Alzheimer’s disease patients. After attending for several years, the leader asked me to become her co-leader and then I became sole leader when she needed to step away.

Six Benefits to Joining a Caregivers Support Group

1. Education: Whatever the support group topic is, the leader (sometimes called the facilitator) will be knowledgeable about it. They should also be ready, willing and able to research questions they might not have the answers for immediately and get back to you after the meeting via phone or email. Alternatively, they can report what they’ve learned to the whole group at the next meeting. The other members will share their own caregiving experiences and knowledge, too.
2. Empathy: This is one of the best reasons to attend a caregiving support group. It’s very common when facing any problem or obstacle to feel that we’re alone or that no one understands what we’re going through. Wrong! And a support group illustrates this in spades. All of the members, and often the leader, are in the midst of caregiving. You can let it all out with people going through something similar to what you’re experiencing. They truly understand your ups and downs.
3. Brainstorming: A good support group leader encourages members to help each other, and brainstorming is a great way to do this. When someone mentions a challenge they are facing, it’s beneficial to get tips, strategies and new ideas on how the others have dealt with whatever you’re having a hard time with. For example, at one meeting we used role playing to help members prepare in advance for difficult talks they planned to have with their care recipients.
4. Resources: Often a support group leader and its members will be familiar with, and recommend,  community resources that can assist you in multiple ways. One person can’t possibly know all of the local caregiving service providers out there — and more are starting up every day. It’s also good to hear other people’s feedback on services they’ve used, both pros and cons.
5. Friendships: I’ve seen support group members connect during meetings, and then exchange phone numbers to keep in touch between meetings. Members who live in close proximity may start carpooling to meetings and/or going out for coffee or a meal afterwards to continue the discussion . . . or just to have some fun! Some caregivers in my support group started a respite cooperative between them. They took turns watching the other person’s care recipient so the member gets a break or can run some errands, etc. It’s like a babysitting cooperative, but for caregivers. Making long-lasting friendships was an added and unexpected bonus I received when I joined my first support group back in 1996. Priceless!
6. Paying it forward: Many times people continue to attend a support group even after their issue/health concern/stage of life is over or resolved.  “Veterans” have lots of good information and life experiences to share with newcomers in any support group. As a leader, I valued the commitment by them to help and share with others, as other veterans had done for them. I’ve seen widows, widowers and adult children come to caregiver support group meetings after their loved ones have passed away to share that very difficult stage of caregiving with the group, and receive lots of caring and support in return.  It helped provide some closure to them, and to us.

Finding and Selecting a Support Group

There are support groups that exist for nearly every challenge people face. You can ask your doctors or clergy for local recommendations. Or, you can also use Google to search for ” _____________ support groups near me.” Insert into the blank the disease your loved one has or the word “caregiver.” If you don’t feel ready to go alone, bring an understanding  friend or family member along.

It is smart to “shop” for a support group that you feel comfortable with, from the physical setting, to the demographic of the membership, to the leader’s style as well as the meeting format. I’ve been in rooms that felt cold and were not a good fit for me. I’ve been to groups that were OK, but not great. There is a support group that is right for you, so keep trying different groups until you find it.

Give a support group meeting more than one chance. I would attend at least two meetings before I crossed a potential group off my list. You want to be sure your first impression was valid, even if it wasn’t necessarily a positive one. What’s an extra hour of your life when it could lead to a great long-term experience if given another chance? Some find they enjoy going to multiple support groups regularly because each one offers something different — which is another valid strategy.

Don’t feel you have to go to every meeting to gain value from the group. My attendance at the adult children of Alzheimer’s disease patients support group went in waves. There were months I couldn’t wait to go, but then my mom’s cognitive decline would reach a certain level and she was at a plateau. I wouldn’t attend a meeting for a month or two because I didn’t feel I had any pressing questions or issues.  I returned again when the need arose.

Support Groups Online vs. In Real Life?

I’ve been involved in different online communities and online forums since 2006. And the pandemic made us all comfortable using Zoom. While getting to “know” people from all over the world online is certainly fun and gratifying, I’ve learned the best part of connecting is meeting these people in person. There is still something about face-to-face communication that has online interactions beat by a mile. This goes for support groups, too.

Plus, you can’t hug someone online, and hugs are an aspect of many support groups. (Optional, not required.)  As caregivers, we can usually use some hugs.

For that reason and those above, I hope you’ll find and attend a caregivers support group meeting in the near future.

Photo Credit:  Dee-lite’s photostream

Since November is National Family Caregivers Month, I’ve been busy collaborating on three new resources for family caregivers.  Yes, I know the famous Beatles’ song is spelled “Here, There and Everywhere,” but my spelling is correct in this circumstance.

Hear — Listen to this Podcast

I was interviewed for the “Asking for a Friend Podcast” by Michele Falon, its creator. She asks some deep questions I’m not normally asked on podcasts. 

Our wide-ranging conversation includes:

• Techniques for mindful communication with the person in your care and your caregiving team
• What to do if siblings are not willing to help out
• Tips for doctor appointments
• How to keep daily self-care top of mind
• When to consider in-home care or assisted living
• What to do when the whole family is not on-board with decisions
• The dreaded end-of-life conversation
• The grieving process for the caregiver
  
  

Click here to listen to our 30-minute episode.

There — Read this Article about Long-distance Caregiving

I contributed to an article for OprahDaily.com about caregiving long-distance called “Yes, You Can Care for Your Aging Parents from Afar.” The author, Amy Conway, calls it “a guide to keeping them safe while you hold on to your sanity,” and she’s correct, it’s possible! Along with sharing her own caregiving story, Conway asked me and two other caregivers to share our experiences, ideas and tips to make long-distance caregiving easier for everyone involved. 

Click here to read the article.

And Everywhere — Caring for Aging Parents Summit 

Stacey Rothfarb, a family caregiver in Florida, interviewed me on Zoom for her “Caring for an Aging Parent Summit,” that will go live online December 3rd, 2023 and be available 24/7 until December 10th. The event’s goal is to share “secrets to successfully creating a remarkable and quality life beyond caregiving.” Rothfarb asks me about self-care tips and other important questions family caregivers have. The four other experts speak with her about topics such as coping with the anxiety of caregiving, designing a fulfilling life while caregiving, and navigating end-of-life challenges. There are also free digital giveaways donated by each speaker available when you register.

I hope you’ll enjoy watching it.

Click here to register for the Summit. 

Once registered, you will receive an email notification about how to access the Summit from December 3 – 10, 2023.

And about that Beatles’ song . . .  caregivers carry their responsibilities Here, There and Everywhere. Hopefully these three new resources will help you on your caregiving journey, whether you’re a new or veteran caregiver. 

I was pleased to contribute to the article published on OprahDaily.com called “Yes, You Can Care for Your Aging Parents from Afar.” It’s written by Amy Conway,  a journalist and family caregiver who is currently the long-distance caregiver for her mother. The article is a mixture of tips from experts as well as things she and her brother learned through experience.

Long-Distance Caregiving Tips

Conway goes into more depth about these issues:

1. Doing some gentle “detective work” to figure out what your parents need to be safe and well. In-person visits are best for a true assessment.
2. When visiting, be observant but not overbearing. Older adults may be afraid of what might happen if you notice they’re not managing as well as before.
3. Try the “cottage cheese” test. Look in their refrigerator to see if they’re eating well or is food outdated or inadequate?
4. Connect with their existing network. Get neighbors’ and friends’ contact info on your next visit with your aging parent and ask them to contact you if they notice any health or safety concerns.
5. After you get an honest read of their living situation, figure out how each sibling can best help. This is based on each of your personal strengths, proximity to your parent’s home, and how much time each of you has based on your stage of life (i.e., still working or retired).
6. Stay in touch with your aging parents and siblings regularly. Don’t make the conversations and/or visits only about caregiving to-do’s. Be sure to enjoy quality family time together, as it is very precious.
7. Be aware and grateful for all the local caregiver does — and remember to thank them for it.

Click here to read more on the above tips.

Her Long-Distance Caregiving Journey

Conway shares candidly how she and her brother’s caregiving partnership evolved:

• The difficult realization that her mom was aging and needed care.
• Figuring out what the best (aka safest) living situation was for her mother. Even though her mom had lived close to Conway for many years, changes were made which put Conway in the new role of long-distance caregiver.
• Dividing caregiving responsibilities. Learning the most effective ways she could help from afar while her brother shouldered the “up close and personal” caregiving. Conway writes, “I’m happy when my brother delegates to me because I know it takes something off his plate.”
• How open communication is key to caregiving in a sibling partnership — and for all family caregiving teams.
• How to maintain a good sibling relationship while caregiving.

Click here to read her personal story.

Each family has many variables, so there is no one-size-fits-all for long-distance caregiving. Being aware of, and sensitive to, your aging loved ones’ needs and safety are important forces driving care decisions. And my book, The Conscious Caregiver, contains a whole chapter with more suggestions to make long-distance caregiving easier.

There is a story in People magazine about a young woman, Sarah Lewis (now Rasby),  who became a caregiver for her twin sister at age 35. Erin Lewis suffered a sudden cardiac event in 2018 and overnight Sarah became her sister’s caregiver. It’s unusual for someone to become a family caregiver at this young age, but Sarah’s story is universal because she had to deal with many of the same issues baby boomer and older family caregivers face when caring for their aging parents and/or older relatives.

• She was thrust into the role of  caregiver suddenly due to a medical crisis.  This is often how a person’s caregiving journey begins. “It was on a Monday night and I was bathing my kids,” Sarah recalls.“Life completely changed when I got that phone call.”  

• The family rallied around Erin, but Sarah (who was listed as Power of Attorney) was her primary caregiver. “The world stopped moving for me,” says Sarah . . . “I never thought in a million years would I be caregiving for my sister at the age of 35 or making serious decisions for her life. It completely changed the course of everything we were doing professionally, personally, in our lives. I became focused on my sister and her needs.”

• Caregivers wear many hats. Sarah learned how to navigate the medical and health insurance bureaucracies, and decided what next steps would be best for Erin’s short- and long-term care. “We were looking for an ideal living situation, but there isn’t anything that exists like that,” she says. “I think Erin probably lived in at least 12 different places, just trying to figure out how to get her needs met.” That included rehabilitation centers, nursing homes, at home with her family, and eventually hospice.

• It’s difficult to juggle working while being a caregiver, wife and mother.  Sarah was married with two children, ages 7 and 10, but felt she had to stop working, and was fortunate she was able to.  “I tried to get back to work — first after six weeks, then three months, six months, but I just couldn’t do it. I had to be there for my sister.”

• Most family caregivers have to face the death of their care recipients eventually. Erin Lewis passed away in 2022.

• Family caregivers act as advocates for their loved ones in order to ensure high quality care.  Being present and an advocate for your care recipient is an important facet of caregiving, no matter where the care is taking place — hospital, skilled nursing facility, assisted living community, memory care facility, hospice or at home. “Looking back, I think I was really fighting for the value and the integrity of her life, for the person that she was,” Sarah says. “And even with financial resources, it was extremely hard. Systematically there’s a bigger issue.”

• The caregiving experience changes you and stays with you afterwards.  Caregivers learn about their personal strengths and weaknesses through their journey. Some people are inspired to make a career out of what they’ve learned. Sarah earned a Ph.D. in Global Family Health and Wellbeing at University of Nebraska-Lincoln, where she conducts qualitative research on caregivers, including issues of self-compassion. “My research is trying to change the social isolation and loneliness that comes with being a caregiver,” she says. “I want to continue this research and this legacy because it’s been so life altering and meaningful. I want to honor Erin and our experiences — because they will never leave me.”

Sarah’s story demonstrates no matter what age we become caregivers, it’s a challenging, profound and life-changing experience.  “Being a caregiver just completely changes you in so many ways,” she says. “It can set your life on a different path.”

For family caregivers the holiday season can be both blessing and a curse.  A blessing because it provides opportunities for wonderful family gatherings and a curse because it provides opportunities for wonderful family gatherings. While most people get on a holiday “high,” caregivers may struggle through this time of year due to prior expectations families have about keeping traditional celebrations.

Do you already feel your stress level starting to rise?

To help maintain your mental health, here are four ways to keep stress levels lower during the holidays.

Family caregivers often struggle through this time of year with sadness in their hearts. Yes, you may have feelings of disappointment because your old traditions have had to change. But, if use your ingenuity, you can create lovely holiday celebrations regardless. And maybe you’ll even create fun ways of celebrating that will become new family traditions!

A friend wore a button like the one pictured above daily while caring for her dad. I think it was a stroke of genius!

In doing so, she sent the following messages:

• Wayne is not just another sick old man. He is my father and important to me. This was a pointed reminder for the many medical professionals she and Wayne  encountered. It’s easy for them to see patients as appointments to get through rather than humans striving to live the best quality of life as long as they can.
• It was a reminder to herself to be compassionate during the hardest days of caregiving.

Now that he is gone, she has this button displayed where she can see it in her car and feels her dad’s presence with her during her travels.

It’s easy to wear a button like this as part of your daily outfit, and a powerful yet subtle way to advocate for your loved one. Why not try it?

We’ve all been there. At some point we’ve reached the end of our rope with our care recipients. We’ve rolled our eyes, made a face,  slammed a door, or even yelled at them. In some way, we exploded from anger or frustration.

Then we feel guilty after losing our cool with our care recipients, aging parents, and/or other family members in our caregiving circle of support.  Aside from feeling remorse, what can we do to make amends after we’ve blown up at our loved one?

How Can We Make Amends?

Making up may be hard to do, but it’s possible.

Here are several action steps to take:

1.  Have a cooling off period.  Let the dust settle before you engage with them again. It gives everyone involved time to think about what the issues are that set off a disagreement.  This could mean several hours, days, or even weeks depending upon your caregiving situation. Also forgive yourself because we’re all human and therefore not perfect.

2.  Change your mode of contact.  If you visit regularly, you may want to simply touch base via phone a few times before another face-to-face visit.  Ask a sibling, spouse, adult child or teenager to take a turn or two with the caregiving duties.  If you live with your care recipient, get away from home for some respite, provided they are safe to be left alone for a period of time.

3. Once you’re calm, think through what the disagreement or upset was about. Try to put yourself in your care recipient’s place to see their perspective as well. Try to come up with win-win solutions that everyone may agree upon.

4. Before you visit again, resolve to arrive with a pleasant attitude and open mind about talking over the issue(s) that caused the argument.  Otherwise, it’s not time to visit yet. You may want to role play the scenario with a friend or colleague before you go, to figure out how to calmly discuss the issue(s) with them. It’s best not to involve another family member in this role playing, as they may have their own emotional bias on the topic.

What If You or Your Care Recipient Become Upset Again?

When you re-establish contact and visit with the intention of making amends, be tuned in and aware of your own internal signals.  Is your care recipient beginning to push your buttons again?  Do you feel your stress level rising ?  If so, before the same argument starts over, it’s better to either leave or change the subject, rather than have it lead to another blow up!  Try to remain cool, calm and not defensive while talking with them.

At the very first hint things aren’t going well however, either change the subject (“I think we all need to think about these ideas more.  Can we continue this discussion another day?”) or leave gracefully (“I have to run a few errands before dinner — can we continue this tomorrow?”). Do this in a non-judgmental way, with no sign of emotion. Be matter of fact.

Then repeat the four action steps given above.

If you’re staying calm but you sense your care recipient is becoming upset again, it’s also wise for you to leave.  You don’t have control over their emotional reactions, but you can definitely control your response. If the same issues are starting to upset them, just stop and let it go for the time being.

Special Circumstances for Individuals with Memory Loss

If your care recipient has any type of memory loss, you must always be the one to apologize.

This is due to the fact that they most likely

• won’t remember the blow up, and

• even if they do recall it, they may not have the brain processing function to take the initiative and apologize

You must accept the blame when something’s wrong, even if it is a fantasy existing only in their minds.  It is the kindest thing to do under the circumstances.

When I’d leave my parents’ home after a visit, I would often ask myself, if this was our final goodbye, would I be happy with it?  I think parent-adult child relationships would be vastly improved if more family members asked themselves this question.