Tequila Lagrimas

5 things I've learned from my long-distance friendlationship

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 04:27:00 +0000

Over the past couple of years I have moved around a bit, leaving behind all that is good and righteous in the great state of Texas. It's difficult to pack up and depart with everything you've known and loved for so long, and it's even more difficult when you realize that it probably won't be the first or the last time you'll be doing it. I remember the first time I moved, it was to the Big Apple--concrete jungle where dreams are made of, like Alicia Keys would say. We had to take two cars to the airport because my luggage and the people living in my house would not all fit in one. I knew it wouldn't be forever, but it seemed like it would be an eternity. I love my family, but it was hardest saying good-bye to my best friend and her daughter, both who have become closer than family. Almost three years later and we're now an ocean apart.

Today, I received a wonderful package from her filled with chocolate, girly things and a $20 dollar bill that said "buy yourself something pretty." It's been an extremely difficult adjustment living in Hawaii with few friends and no one to run to (that's in a decent proximity) when I just need a gal-pal, but I'm dealing. Reading the note she left me in my new journal (because lord knows I love journals) made me reflect on the importance of our friendship and the things I've learned from this experience.

Saying "good-bye" never gets any easier.
And neither does: "I'll see you soon" or "I won't be gone for long" or any other phrase that you say each time you have to part ways again. My heart breaks every time I have to kiss that little girl good-bye and leave my best friend to live a life apart from them. She has played the role of my significant other for quite some time and there have not been many times that we have been apart. It may not get easier, but it does make you stronger.

Writing letters is waaayyyyyyy better than email.
Like, way way.Yes, email is faster. And yes, you have to pay for postage. BUT nothing says "I love you and miss you" like a nice hand-written letter expressing how much you love/hate your new city and all the cool/lame things you're doing and all the new (but not even as close to cool as her) friends you're making. Plus, it's always nice to read some hand-written words of inspiration from your bestie to give you that little kick in the butt you may need.

Jealousy will happen.
Every time I see her post a picture on Instagram with someone else or doing something cool, there's this feeling inside of me hoping she'll have the worst time ever because I'm not there. Oh, and that picture with that other chick, she's going down as soon as I get back! Or wait, is that only me?? I'm sure it's not, but I think my jealousy is both amusing and refreshing to her. I may be ridiculous, but at least she knows that she's my BFF and there's no way in hell I'm sharing her with anyone else.

Distance ain't nothing but a number.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and I find it true to some extent. I don't think I've grown fonder of my bestie boo, but her absence and the friendship we have has made me realize how special what we have is. We may be an ocean apart, but that means nothing when I know that nothing could keep her safe from my excessive text messages, ridiculous faces made while on FaceTime and pro lurking status (I see all).

She's your best babe forever and nothing will change that.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that this girl isn't going anywhere. She's the chips to my queso, the malita to my animalita and my homegirl for life. I left her once to go to New York and I left her again to come to Hawaii, and she still hasn't left. No matter the distance, the big life changes, the ups or the downs she will forever be my soul mate and my other half, forever and ever. She'll always be my BFFLmnop!

Why smiling is good for you

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 21:26:00 +0000

When I was younger, I would consistently make fun of my mother for smiling so much. My mother--if you do not know her--has one of the biggest, brightest, most beautiful smiles that could warm your heart and turn your day around. I would tell her that she smiles too much and sarcastically ask why. Despite the ups and downs that my mother has had in her life, you'd never be able to tell because she always looks happy...and I mean ALWAYS. Through trials and tribulations, through her recent encounter with Breast Cancer and through the crappiest of times she has kept that smile on her face. When I was younger, I didn't understand why.

(Awkward transition...)

Several weeks ago, there was a whirlwind of craziness with assignments due for Grad school and tests that needed to be graded and feedback from my kids about the way I teach. By the end of it, I was feeling so overwhelmed I just wanted to scream. And I did scream--well, get loud--at my 3rd period Geometry class for taking life as a joke when most of them are failing simply because they weren't even trying. Funny thing is, shortly before that moment where I had to get loud with them, one of my students said, "Look, she's smiling. No one piss her off." Surprisingly enough (not really that surprising at all), they managed to piss me off. Now, if you have kids or work with kids I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's that calm before the storm that's made up of chatty students and an overflow of feelings coming from within; and it's not pretty.

By the time my next class came in I was just done. When my class decided to break out into unnecessary conversation while I was talking I just stood there silently, with little expression. I wasn't pulling off the "I'll wait til y'all are quiet" technique, but instead was doing it to keep myself from losing it. I thought I was going to have a melt down when one of my students started talking to me for no particular reason other than the fact that it was her that I was standing by. This girl always has a smile on her face, so that plus the fact that not all of my students were being chatty made me feel a bit better. I started to smile a little (because, c'mon, you can't help but smile when someone else is smiling), and with that smile came a sense of comfort and ease.

Now, going back to my mother. In recent years, and in recent days, I understand more and more why she smiled, and still smiles, so damn much: it calms you. With that, here are all the reasons why I think smiling is THE BEST:

1. It's contagious! You can't help but smile when some clown is cheesing at you. No matter how upset or frustrated I am with someone or a situation, if someone else is smiling at me (even if I don't know them) then I'm done--game over.

2. It's calming. There's no better way to help relieve a bit of stress on the spot than smiling. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders and you can finally breathe. When I use to work retail and would have customers get on my last nerve, I would simply smile and nod my head. There's no sense in getting worked up over something so small.

3. Basically, it's good for your soul. Too many times I've been caught smiling at some stupid thought I had or at something I was reading, when I look up and see someone looking at me and smiling. How awesome is it to be enjoying yourself and then see someone else getting joy out of whatever it is you're doing (even if it is acting a fool). It feels damn good!

4. It makes you look more attractive. Who wants to look at a person frowning all day? NOT ME! Smiling draws people in, makes them want to get to know you and bask in your presence. Frowning and resting beezy face just makes people want to steer clear of you. I would know, I've suffered from it for many years.

5. It's good for your health. Not only is a good stress reliever, but it can lower your blood pressure, boost your immune system and releases endorphins. You can feel better just by smiling!

6. It changes your mood. There have been countless times when I have been having a debate with Clark that makes a wrong turn and I just want to be mad at him (I know, I'm childish). When I look at him I can't help but smile (I know, we're cute ;P) and all of a sudden I don't feel angry or mad anymore. I absolutely hate it (because sometimes, I just want to be mad), but I feel so much better about life once I turn that frown upside down.

7. It helps you stay positive. When I volunteered with City Year New York, I had a wonderfully challenging group of students. They were my pride and joy, but it was definitely rough. When I'd get frustrated I couldn't help but smile (a tactic that unknowingly became accustomed to me). My students would get so confused because I would tell them something, which would be contradicted by me smiling. Let me tell you something though, it sure as hell made me a pretty positive person on my team who didn't see me get really frustrated until we were well into the second semester. Smiling just seemed to make all the difficult things better.

So, I say to you, give smiling a try. Turn that frown upside down and boogie til your booty hits the ground! There are a million things wrong in the world, but your smile is that one thing that could make it all right.

Link is in image.

7 easy tips to help you eat healthy on a budget

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 21:00:00 +0000

It's the start of a new year and like every year, gyms are filled with the beaming faces of hopeful people looking to shed those few extra pounds, healthy recipes are being added to the list of things we want to try, and old jeans and dresses from our glory days are being dusted off as we tell ourselves, "I'll fit into this soon." We all want a healthy life where we live to be 100 years old, without aging and rocking the body of Beyoncé til the day we die.

But let's face it, we don't want to put in the countless hours (or even minutes) of work that need to be put in after working 8-12 hour days when we have classes that require hours of work, kids that need washing and feeding, significant others that need lovin', migraines that feel like death, and an endless list of things that need to be done by the following day. It's just too much! And I'll be the first to admit it. I'm all about dreaming big and reaching those long-term goals, but you need an action plan and baby steps to help you get there. This strategy I use won't make you loose that extra inch or 50 lbs that you want to get rid of, but it'll sure as hell help you get there.

1. Know your budget.
Eating healthy is not cheap and can get pretty darn pricey, especially if you factor in significant others and kids. Rest assured that it is possible. Know what your budget is and stick to it! For me, this means making one bulk trip for monthly essentials, buying my Herbalife, and then putting some money aside to pick up random things throughout the month. For you, it may mean taking only x amount of cash with you to the grocery store on your weekly trip. (TIP: Taking cash and leaving your debit/credit/cash card at home is a sure way to make sure that you don't go overboard).

2. Know who you're cooking for.
If you're single, this may not apply to you as much, but if you're cooking for more than just yourself you want to be sure that you're buying things that everyone will eat. Yes, I LOVE buying a ton of fruits and veggies for myself, but my boyfriend prefers Wheat Thins. The other day I said to him, "Maybe I should go Vegan--for a healthier lifestyle." His response was that I can't say I want to be better with grocery money and then want to eat things that he won't--it just doesn't work like that. Therefore, you can't buy butt-loads of milk if everyone else in the house is lactose intolerant because it'll go to waste and so will that money you spent on it.

3. KISS (Keep it simple, silly).
One of the biggest things I see are meal plans that give you different daily recipes and recipes that call for tons of uncommon ingredients. Sure, they sound great and I'm sure they taste fantastic, but ain't nobody got that much money to be spending on things you'll only use sporadically--especially not when you're on a budget. Try choosing a few ingredients that you can do a lot with. Buy things like oatmeal, chicken, salmon, and brown rice. They're pretty inexpensive and you can do a trillion things with them! They're my go to grocery items. ***Keeping this in mind, make sure you make your grocery list before you go to the store.***

4. Enough of the junk food!
Cookies, donuts, chips, ice cream, soda and candy are all pretty good tasting things, they make you feel good for a minute and then you feel eater's remorse (like buyer's remorse, but with the food you just ate). I'm not saying to quit cold turkey--that's how you go into a junk foodie relapse--but wean yourself off of it. Try not buying that huge bag of chips when you go to the store that your "kids" like. Hold off on your daily soda at work. If you're consistent and do it in steps you're more likely to stick to this good habit and it will save you tons of money!

5. COSTCO (or coupon) it up.
I LOVE Costco! Living in Hawaii is expensive in all facets, so it's nice to be able to buy certain things bulk and not pay up the hoo-ha for them. I can get 3 cartons of almond milk for $8 and oatmeal to last me for years for $10. How great is that?!? If you don't like Costco, it's too far, or you don't have one in your town at all, I suggest taking an hour a week to sit down and just coupon. Many times, you can combine coupons for added savings. Remember, you should be doing this after you've already made your grocery list. If it's not on the list, you don't need it.

6. Drink water.
My mom hates drinking water. When we were younger, she would use Crystal Light and say that it was "flavored water." Even then I knew there was no such thing because adding that flavor meant it was no longer water. I haven't lived with her for quite some time now, but when I talk to her I always ask to make sure she's drinking enough water. It's a simple thing, but such an important part of living a healthy lifestyle. Not only is it good for you, but you can save oodles of money by skipping out on your sodas or oh-so-good Starbucks Frappuccino. If you like filtered water, buy yourself a Brita filter to be green! You're now a money-saving, eco-friendly goddess with your new found glow from being good to your skin with that water!

7. Stop buying the super expensive stuff at restaurants.
If you're like me, you like eating out. It's my favorite pastime filled with wonderful memories of friends, the city and good times. I absolutely love finding a new good spot to eat, have a cocktail or grab a cup of joe; but it can get pretty expensive if you're not careful on what you're buying because the super good stuff is always way more expensive. Unfortunately, I love great tasting things and have wasted a ton of money on eating out. Two of the things I've found to be most helpful when eating out are 1) sticking to whatever chicken plate there is (chicken is usually one of the least expensive things on a menu) and/or 2) sharing with someone (it not only cuts the cost in half, but the many times extremely large portions in half).

5 things you need in your life NOW

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 20:36:00 +0000

Since I've been in Hawaii, I've discovered some really amazing things that I am currently obsessed with and don't know what I'd do without. Several of these items I use on a daily basis and would definitely recommend investing in (such as the Hydro Flask) if you want a great product that's definitely worth your bucks. Click on the images to be redirected to sites where these products are sold. Enjoy!

Late Post: Top 5 Things I'm Thankful

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 07:19:00 +0000

When I was younger, I couldn't wait for the holidays--it was my favorite time of the year! I came from a big Mexican family which meant big parties with lots of food, fun and laughter. Family would come in from out of town, there was a plethora of pies and desserts to choose from, and I loved helping my mom and grandma put up their never ending supply of Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving. My grandmother was just as meticulous about things as I was, so I appreciated her need for perfection in my assembly of the Nativity scene, followed by her extreme sense of gratitude for my help.
As I've gotten older, I've found that the holidays don't mean what they use to mean when I was younger. People have to work, they move away, they get sick, there's school work to be done and bills to be paid. Basically, life happens and suddenly you find that the magic is gone. Although this year has been a bit bumpy and hectic it has also been full of many wonderful things; and for that, I am thankful. So as a "HELLO December!" and "So long November!" I made a list of the top 5 things I am thankful for:

1. My better half: Clark. After only having dated for a month he decided that he would moving to Hawaii with me. A move that I would not have made and instead would have said "sayonara!" I am eternally thankful and grateful for his never-ending patience with me, his constant support and the overwhelming amount of love he showers me with daily.

2. My school and (more importantly) my students. The school I teach at is located on the beautiful North Shore of Oahu with a student body population of 800 students. 800. Can you believe that? There is such a strong sense of community at my school, my students are generally well-behaved, and not a day goes by where at least one of my students display a random act of kindness ranging from grading my papers to sharing their sweet treats with me. It's absolutely wonderful!

3. My family. Sometimes, they get on my damn nerves (including my bestie and my out of this world God daughter), but they are what keeps me going. Just when I feel like giving up I'm reminded that someone is looking up to me and counting on me to do something big in life. Their never-ending love and support is what's gotten me through some of my roughest patches. If you don't have family, you have nothing.

4. My City Year Team (Team SASS). The year that I learned exactly how much I love people. Never have I met such a motivated, dedicated group of people than I did when I joined City Year. Imagine not getting paid and working 10+ hours a day, all for a cause greater than yourself. Yes, we chose to do this, but it takes a special kind of person to dedicate a year of their lives to bettering a community that's not even their own. This is my second family. I continue to be inspired by the vast amount of dedication these people have to making the world a better place.

5. My upbringing. I can recall countless times where I sat in the car, on the couch, at a restaurant praying and hoping that my dad would stop with his infamous "teaching moments." Before my sister and I went to college, he spent 3 hours talking to us about various topics--I wanted to die. But with that, my mom taught me patience, perspective and a foundation for acceptance and understanding. Where was my dad coming from? Why would he spend so much time talking our ears off? It was all out of love.

With that, I will continue to strive through the rest of this semester. Always focusing on the good and being grateful for the wonderful life I have been blessed with.

I want devastating love

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 19:31:00 +0000

Note: The first paragraph was written pre-Clark, probably around February.

A few months ago, I jumped onboard with everyone else in the world and became OBSESSED with the show Scandal. It's just so...so....so scandalous! I love it!!! During the second season, Olivia Pope tells the guy she is dating: "I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. Don't you want that, too?" The guy then goes on to tell her that love shouldn't be painful or devastating. Then it hit me--I have this completely distorted view of the way I think my relationships should be. I know people say that "we accept the love we think we deserve" and that we can't really "accept love until we love ourselves," but for me neither of those sayings hold true. If you know me, then you know that I am a pretty confident person. I go after the things I want, I take pride in myself and the things I do, and I have learned to love myself a hell of a whole lot. Somewhere in the midst of watching too many Disney princess movies as a young girl I got the idea that perfect love is boring. I wanted to have lots of stories about the emotional-roller-coaster-rides that were my relationships. Is that stupid? Maybe. Am I crazy for it? Just a little. But I know I am not the only one who has chosen devastating over extraordinary.

When I think about it, I can't actually recall a time where I had something "normal" with a guy that wasn't devastatingly painful at some point. Before Clark, I dated this guy while I was still in New York that gave me the most crazy butterflies in my stomach. I would deprive myself of sleep to have late night conversations with him and we would build forts in his car out of umbrellas and sun visors and for a brief moment I felt like I could be my silly self around someone. But like Ponyboy says, "Nothing gold can stay." After a while, almost everything I did, said and wore was wrong. Yet I fiend for his approval, and sat by the phone waiting for him to get over whatever it was this time and apologize. I wasn't happy if he wasn't happy, so I found myself groveling at his feet, begging for his forgiveness for simply being myself. What started off as a Rom Com turned into a Lifetime movie full of emotional abuse and devastation. Even when I hated him, I was okay with it all--it's what I wanted (at the time). As I've gotten older, I've realized that there's a distinct line between extraordinarily devastating love and extraordinary love.; and clearly that line is devastating--a line I no longer want to cross.

Fast forward to a few months later when I moved back to Texas...

Little did I know that extraordinary love was waiting just around the corner for me. Not too long after I had this epiphany (the one mentioned above), I started seeing this guy that I met on a dating website. To be honest, I wasn't looking for anything more than someone to take up my time until I decided what I wanted to do in life (i.e. waiting to see if I was going to be accepted into Teach for America or not). Despite what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted, the universe had something else in mind. Our relationship evolved rather quickly and here we are, happily living together in paradise (AKA Hawaii). Although I'm glad I had such strong feelings for someone, I never want to feel that way again. It was exhaustingly painful, but it made me realize that that's not what anyone should want. The love that I have with Clark is nothing less than extraordinary. We constantly laugh and share everything with each other. We never go to bed upset or angry and can talk through anything. We're silly and playful and adventurous. And even when we spend an entire weekend just sitting on the couch watching episodes of Lost and Gilmore Girls on Netflix, I can't help but feel that this is the man who I'm going to spend my life with. Our love may not be wild and crazy and insanely emotional, but it is far from boring and with that, I am content.

Being a grown-up SUX! But it also has its perks.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 16 Aug 2014 00:53:00 +0000

If you were not aware, let me tell you: teaching is no joke. I thought the crappy part of my life was over. The part where I'm poor and scrounging for money to pay rent. The part where I didn't know what I was going to do next in life. But alas, I was wrong. This beautiful burden that we call "life" is just beginning.

Two years ago, my biggest problem was that I had to wear a ridiculously ugly uniform consisting of oversized khaki pants, a white shirt, warm Timberland boots and a red jacket that you could spot from a mile away. The tradeoff? I got to live in New York City, working with a crazy, yet wonderful group of teenagers that would forever change my life. Last year, around this time, my biggest problem was not having a job and therefore not having enough money to pay rent. Luckily, I was living in one of the greatest cities in the world surrounded by good friends who had become my second family. Today, the list seems like it's never ending.

I still don't have a place to live and am living out of my suitcase; I don't know when I'll be getting my first paycheck from the DOE because they mailed my new hire papers late; I'm living off of one car with my boyfriend--which has proven especially difficult since we work on opposite sides of the island; I'm teaching 3 different math courses despite the fact that I haven't taken it in almost 5 years; and my to-do list is never ending. When you're a teacher, there's really no "days off" or "vacation" because there is always something to do. Lesson planning, grading, phone calls home, assessing, collecting data, meetings...it just never ends. It's only been two weeks! Not even full weeks, 4-day weeks, and I'm tired.

The other day I just laid in bed before going to sleep and had myself a good, quiet cry. I know, you're probably asking yourself: "Why the hell were you crying??!? You live in Hawaii for Pete's sake! It's paradise." My idea of paradise isn't spending 3 hours of my life in a car everyday, being stuck in traffic that hardly moves, or being worried that I'm going to wake up to a cockroach in my ear or bugs in my bed, or even sweating in the place I live or my classroom just from moving 2 feet. Although being here wasn't my ideal, one of the perks of being a grown-up is that I had a choice and I chose to do this.

So even though everyday at 2 pm I feel like crying and having a mental breakdown because I am so tired and overwhelmed by the fact that my life is far from being settled, I remind myself to take it a day at a time. I may not love it here yet (because New York will forever have my heart), but I'm blessed to have been given the opportunity to work with the students I work with and to be starting Grad school. Gotta keep on keepin on!

Yeah, you got it! You know you got it!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 10 Jun 2014 04:08:00 +0000

Has anyone ever told you "you can't do that because [insert lame excuse because they're hating/don't believe in you/are just negative about everything]"? Yeah, me too! And I gotta be honest, I've doubted myself at times too. You're right, there could be someone better, smarter, more experienced, or whatever else you may think, but they may lack the motivation and passion that you have. That's why you're here, that's why we're all here. We believe in change.

The first week of Teach for America institute has probably been one of the most challenging, stressful, overwhelming weeks I have ever had in my life; and I've had some pretty stressful times in my life (not having rent money, being jobless, dealing with high school aged kids for the first time). I have had new information thrown at me from every which way; been told that there's a million different things I should be doing to be better, to be the best; and debriefed with countless peers and advisors about what could be different, what could be improved on, what's not so good.

I'm not sure if you knew this.....but.....no one knows what the hell they're doing. It's a world of new things that are being shoved down our throats and we don't even have enough time to chew and swallow it all. It's overwhelming. It's stressful. It most definitely is not ideal. Want to know something else? As Corps Members (aka the best future Teachers ever) the expectation isn't to be perfect. How can we be perfect if we don't even know what that looks like? How can anyone be perfect if they don't know what perfection looks like.

When I was first introduced to the wonderful world of education I had the privilege of working with an amazing young woman who has become one of my greatest motivators. She didn't know Algebra, I didn't know Algebra, we were both lost. She needed help, so I re-learned the concepts and would walk through them with her during class and after school. I wasn't perfect, and looking back I always think of things I could have done better, but she didn't see that--the imperfection. She saw someone who cared enough to go out of their way to help. When she'd get discouraged, in a sing-song voice, I'd tell her, "Yeah, you got it! You know you got it!"

It's easy for us to doubt ourselves, especially when we don't know what we're doing. Being great doesn't happen over night, but it also most certainly did not come from giving up either. So when you're feeling tired and down in the dumps just know that there's someone who needs you, whose life you will change drastically. YOU GOT THIS!

The start of a NEW chapter: HAWAII Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 14 May 2014 23:57:00 +0000

These past few months have been some of the best and most difficult of my life. Not too long ago I was hopping on a plane back to Texas with hopes of returning to New York soon. Instead, here I am, 6 months later, making a stop in New York, only to head to Hawaii. As of right now, I feel the worst part is over: packing and taking my [Praxis] exams (I passed the English one only)--both of which I loathe. Now, the hardest part--and it always is--was saying goodbye...again...to my family, my best friend, my baby girl, and my boyfriend. It's difficult leaving behind people whose lives revolve around yours and yours around theirs so greatly. I'm sure the man I sat next time on my connecting flight to ATL was overfilled with joy hearing me blow my nose every 15 seconds.

As I sit here waiting for my flight to NYC, I'm overwhelmed with so may feelings. I'm scared to start a new life in a place I have never been and know almost nothing about and sad that I had to say goodbye. But mostly, I'm excited and anxious for this new journey educating students in a failing education system while simultaneously obtaining my teaching certification and Masters. I never wanted to be great, I only wanted to do great things; and I feel that God has continued to bless me with such wonderful opportunities in order to do so. If nothing else, I hope that my journey can continue to inspire others and set an example for the younger females I encounter that want to do and be great things.

Here's to new beginnings, changing the world and making a difference!

Worst Date EVER

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 01 May 2014 23:18:00 +0000

There haven't been many times in my life where I have felt unsafe or scared because of a situation I was in. I have this mentality, like many of us do, that "it" (whatever that it may be) will never happen to me. You always see news stories or hear it through the grapevine that this happened to that person, but never do you think that these sorts of outrageous things could happen to you. Location isn't the only factor, but it has a lot to do with it. Living in New York I should have better prepared myself mentally, but I thank my dad for all of the preventative teachings and countless hours that he sat me down to tell me how it is.

Sometimes as I tell this story I laugh a little; only because I think of how absolutely ridiculous this guy was--he had to be on crack or something. I can reassure you that it definitely was not funny in the moment.

I had been chatting with this guy and we had some things in common, had good conversation, and he seemed nice. When he asked me if I'd like to go to dinner and a movie I thought: "Sure! Why not?" It just so happens that we picked the worst night to go out--there had been a snow storm all day after not snowing in NYC almost at all that winter. I told him I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it out, so he told me to just take a cab and he'd pay for it. What a gentleman! Or so I thought. We had dinner and drinks, but missed the movie as we got caught up talking. I should have left as soon as he told me how much he used to party and how his family was involved in drugs and blah blah blah. I know, red flag. But for some reason that had "great story" written all over it, and I stayed. Long story short (as far as the rest of the date goes), he got really drunk, may have been on drugs--an assumption based on the amount of times and frequency of him going to the bathroom--and became too handsy. I didn't want to upset him (because you never want to upset a drunk person that clearly can't control themselves) and said I was getting tired and wanted to head home. It was late, the streets were full of snow, there were hardly any yellow cabs out (they take cards), and I didn't have enough cash for a gypsy cab. When I told him that I was just going to take the train he said he'd go with me to "make sure I got home safe." There was no way in hell I was going to wait with this guy at a potentially empty train station alone. To humor him, I said I'd take a cab, to which he also insisted taking with me for the same reason. I argued with him for a couple of minutes about how unnecessary that was and as I tried to walk closer to a main street to see if there were any cabs he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go. My feet were sinking into the snow and there was no one out--no cars, no people, nothing. Again, he insisted on taking me home in a cab. I didn't know what to do. First things first, I had to get this fool's hand off of me and get to a place that had people. I told him that he could take a cab with me, at which point his grip loosened and I ran into a hookah bar that was a couple store fronts down. He tried to get loud with me, so being the smart girl I am I loudly said that he needed to leave me alone and he couldn't come home with me. We walked outside and I ran to the first cab that pulled up. He had stopped to talk to some men in an SUV and when he saw that I was talking to the cabbie he shouted that these men said they'd take me home for free. I know, clearly my sense of judgment isn't always in tact, but I knew better than to get in a vehicle with strange men that he may know. As if things couldn't get any worse, as soon as I hopped in the cab and was about to close the door his hand stopped it. He told me to let him know when I got home and I slammed the door. By that time my nerves were on edge and I was in tears. I didn't have enough cash to get home, but the driver was nice enough to not abandon me in such a state. The next day he called, left voicemails and texted me repeatedly after I asked him to not talk to me. I finally told him that if he didn't stop I was going to get a restraining order. Needless to say, he stopped.

Now, there are a couple of things I learned from this situation. The first being that I am not as invincible as I thought I was. No one ever wakes up and says: "today I'm going to go on a date with a psycho," so you need to be prepared. The second thing was that my dad does know best. Despite the fact that I tried to tune him out when he repeated his "life lessons" like a broken record player, I am extremely grateful. In times like that you need to 1) remain calm in your thoughts, 2) get to a place that has lots of people, and 3) always be aware of your surroundings. You never know, it could happen to you.

Why people can't handle the truth

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 01 May 2014 03:11:00 +0000

Coming to the end of a relationship (any type of relationship) is hard. More than likely, you're going to tell the person the reason you're breaking up with them--like any normal person would do--in hopes that they may become more self aware and change their wicked ways. People always say that they'd rather someone be honest with them than be told a big, fat, juicy lie to spare their feelings. They don't want things heavily coated with sugar or tip-toed around like a sneaky toddler, they want the hard truth. I know I personally would prefer it if someone just gave it to me like it is instead of avoiding me or waiting an entire year to tell me how they really feel as if my time wasn't worth anything. Although people say they want the truth, the fact of the matter is that hearing the truth is hard. Even if it's done with the best intentions, no one really wants to hear the truth.

You're telling people that there's a problem with the way they act, so it looks like you're attacking who they are. You're telling them there's a problem with a situation, so you're telling them that they messed up with the way they handled things and therefore it is their fault. It's never easy hearing that you've done something wrong or that something was your fault--it comes with a very dissatisfying feeling. I've felt it, I've dealt it, denied it and supplied it. The fact of the matter is, the truth can be damaging sometimes for several reasons: 1) the spotlight is being put on an unwelcomed problem/situation, 2) there's the potential of creating a new problem (toying with someone's emotions is never a good thing), and 3) more than likely, a solution or some helpful advice is not being offered as aide to what you did not want to hear. If a solution is being offered, the person may take it offensively and then there's that problem.

When giving it to someone like it is, remember that you're dealing with a person that has real emotions and not just some carbon cut-out, robot freak that used to be your best friend or significant other. You don't want to beat around the bush, but you should be constructive when letting someone know that there's a problem going on. Hey, for all you know, they may be completely unaware and appreciative that you're trying to save them from themselves. Just remember, treat others the way you want to be treated...so let em down easy.

SHHHH! You're gonna wake my roommates!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:34:00 +0000

He told me to be quiet because there was a guy living in his closet. YES, a real, live guy living in the small space that was his walk-in closet. I mean, it's not so weird having someone crash on your living room couch or maybe even on an air mattress in your room, but to have someone living in your closet is a bit odd. Although, I'm sure that guy appreciated the little privacy he did have.

Some of the great things about living situations while you're young are: having funky transition periods where you move to new places with no job and have to couch-surf with friends; not making enough money to at least buy an apartment where everyone has their own room (been there, done that); and having to find a new place to live after your landlord just kicked you out for not paying rent-shment--he knew you were an aspiring actor. In any of these situations, it can be difficult to adjust to the crazy, hectic lifestyle that comes along with living with multiple people. It's not as simple as who cleans when and who gets what cabinet space. If you're a decent human being, you have to be mindful of making too much noise when you come in late after a night out, the smell from your fish tacos that fills up someone else's room, and the slamming of doors early in the morning as your roommate is just about to doze off after working a 15-hour overnight shift. You're right, it is your space; but if you're letting someone live with you out of the kindness of your heart, you need to be an adult about things and set some ground rules before you get the ball rolling.

When I moved to New York almost 2 years back, one of the first things me and my 3 roomies did was sit down and have a long discussion about who gets what space, setting rules and expectations, and coming up with a cleaning schedule...because no one likes living in a pigsty. Here are some things to keep in mind when you're not living alone:

You are NOT the only person living there
No one wants to hear you slam the door
So turn the doorknob when closing the front/bathroom/bedroom door
And make sure that you're not making a ruckus when you come in late
This isn't your mama's house
Put your dishes in the sink
Wash your own dishes and put them away
And if you're feeling generous, wash all the dishes
Then leave a note reminding everyone to return the favor by...
Taking out the trash when it's full
Wiping the counter after they spill hot sauce all over it
And not leaving food that will smell up the house in the garbage
You may or may not be the only one with a job that has normal hours
So don't take an hour long shower
And don't get ready in the bathroom when you have your bedroom
And most importantly, don't forget to spray and turn on the air vent/open the window
Just because it's in the refrigerator does not mean you can eat it
If you eat it, replace it ASAP
Be hospitable to guests...they're GUESTS for crying out loud!
Make people want to come back
And make sure that you let your roomies know when people will be coming over
Talk about the max amount of time people can stay and
What they can do to pitch in
If you don't want people using your things, then put them in your designated area
Because common spaces are just that...COMMON...meaning it's for everyone
Try not to forget your keys or lose them
No one is obligated to rush home just for you
COMMUNICATE!
There's no need to be passive-aggressive
Don't be the a**hole that no one wants to live with because you turn into Godzilla anytime something happens that you don't like

I know, it's challenging living with other people. You may not be able to walk around without pants or you have to scrub the tub when it's your turn every other week, but I promise that you'll live. Think of it this way: all the money you're saving on rent is money that you can use to not spend time at your apartment by going out and doing cool things like traveling and going to have fancy-shmancy drinks after work and going out for brunch on the weekends. Remember: keep it classy and don't get sassy.

First date, first impressions

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 02:29:00 +0000

First impressions are EVERYTHING. Think of them as the deciding factor whether you will be that job you've always dreamt of or working at a shit-hole for the rest of your life. Within the first few seconds of meeting someone I can already tell if I'm going to like them or if they're going to be a waste of my time. I don't hate many things in life, but if there's one thing that I do hate it's having my time wasted. If you're going to ask me (or any person) out on a date it would be great if you gather up enough information about me to put a couple of good ideas down on the drawing board or that you've asked me for suggestions of things I do and/or don't like so you can muster up a plan of action. Now, I've been on some really awesome first dates and some not so awesome ones where I wanted to crawl out of a bathroom window in order to escape awkwardness/boredom/the guy that was sitting across the table from me. In hopes that this may help someone, I have come up with some things to keep in mind when it comes to first dates.

BEFORE

PLAN- There's nothing I hate more than meeting up with a guy that asks me what I want to eat or what I'd like to do. You should have asked me BEFORE, like, when we were texting.
NOTIFY- Let them know what the date will be consisting of so they can dress accordingly. You don't want to show up to dinner dressed like you're going to the club!
PREPARE- Although this is not an interview, you want to make sure that you have things to talk about and that you're not being socially awkward (in case you normally are).
***NOTE: When planning the date, cross out the idea of long walks across bridges or any other ideas that you had where the only means of escaping is by jumping off of/out of/into something. You want the date to be good, but you also want to prepare for the worst!

DURING

DON'T: complain or rant about your ex, your toe fungus, that funky smell that's been accompanying the itch in your crotch, or how you're a mama's boy.
DO: compliment her on how nice she looks, look engaged while she's talking, ask follow-up questions, and make her laugh!
***NOTE: Unless you've mentioned that you two will be "going Dutch," there should be no reason for you not to pay if you were the one who invited.

AFTER: THE KISS...and other things to follow

DON'T: assume that she wants to kiss you, come at her with your mouth wide open, slobber on her, shove your tongue down her throat, or be the creep that insists he take her home/make sure she gets home safely after she already told your ass no.
DO: be a gentleman (maybe it would be appropriate to ask for you), let her know that you had a [insert well-thought out word or phrase here] time, and RELAX! It's not the end of the world.
***NOTE: NO MEANS NO! Don't beg like a puppy dog--it's just sad.

Remember, first impressions are important; especially if you're wanting things to progress (in anything). Be yourself--not a creep or a weirdo--and do something fun! Life's too short to only go on dinner and movie dates. (Check back soon for some fun date ideas!)

Being this happy makes me ANXIOUS.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 03 Apr 2014 04:54:00 +0000

I love, Love, LOVE the feelings I first have when I'm dating someone--everything is rainbows and butterflies and unicorns and I feel like I'm floating on cloud 9. You enter into this magical realm of bliss where you and your significant other run through fields of flowers, holding hands all day everyday. What could be better?? He's perfect, she's perfect, you're perfect, everything is perfect. It's great! But it doesn't take too long before I realize that things may be too perfect and I start to internally panic, waiting for Godzilla to appear and reign terror on my beautiful, new relationship.

WAIT...

I think I hear him...

No, that was my imagination running wild again. To say the least, I get anxious when I'm too happy. This is REAL life we're talking about, people. Things aren't meant to be perfect and idealism is just an idea. At least that's what I tell myself right before I start conjuring up a list of everything that can and will go wrong in my relationship. You know you do it too! Before you know it, you're hacking into Facebook and email accounts, cracking iPhone and Android locked phone codes, and following them around like Sherlock Holmes trying to solve the mystery of why all hell hasn't broken lose with your close-to-perfect better half. (I say "better" because clearly you're insane if you're doing all of that extra stuff, which automatically makes them better.)

Why do I do this to myself?? Why do YOU do this to yourself? It's not that I don't want to be happy or that being happy upsets me. I think it's more of the fear of failure--adding another name to the list of relationships that have gone down in shambles because I [insert absurd idea about why you're not good enough here]. As I've gotten older, I've realized that I get anxious not so much because I'm waiting for things to go wrong, but I'm more so anxious to know whether or not that feeling is going to fade away. I'm a firm believer that if you're with the right person, despite the lows and the occasional arguments that every couple has, the highs will always be higher than your lows and happiness will always radiate from your face when you're with one another.

Don't be anxious for things to fall apart, but for the right things to fall into place.

Have you met my friend OkCupid??

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 07 Mar 2014 16:18:00 +0000

I was first introduced to the wonderful world of online dating by a girl friend on my City Year team shortly after I moved to New York. To be perfectly honest, I'm not too sure why I joined after hearing the horrors of what were supposed to be "first dates." I went against my better judgment and lined up suitor after suitor to go on dates with. Hey, dinner is dinner when you're poor and living off of change that your students give you to put towards getting a TV. This was the first time in my young adult life that I was not committed to any single person and I wanted to take complete and full advantage of it. Besides, what better way to go to cool places throughout New York City than to have some dude who's already been living there for a while take you...and pay!

Lucky for me, my first date went pretty swell. I met this guy in the St. Marks area (which later became one of my favorite areas of all time) where he took me to this awesome place called Marks Burgers (soon to become one of my favorite restaurants) and a speak easy bar. In the midst of a conversation, we found that we both liked Macklemore and he just so happened to have an extra ticket for ME! Now, I had already decided that I would never date this guy, but I wanted to go to that concert and it was already sold out. So again, I went against what my mind was telling me and went to that concert with him the following week. I had a BLAST...until the end of the night came and he wanted to kiss me before we went our separate ways. Although he was polite and asked, I said no, to which he followed with the same damn question. I'm sorry, but since when did "no" mean "maybe" that it would make you think it's okay to ask again. For the sole reason that I wanted to hear him stop talking as he waited with me for my train, I gave him a peck and then ran onto said train that had just reached the station--in time to save my life!

I never went out with him again. Clearly we weren't on the same page and he was looking for something that I didn't want to give him. Had he been okay with just being friends then I think things could have worked out. The funny thing about online dating is that it's really hit or miss. Either you meet guys who genuinely don't have time to meet girls because of work/school/other important things and are trying to look for something while being normal about it. OR you meet guys that are wankers and 1) can't meet a girl because they are socially awkward, 2) aren't really looking for anything other than to...you know what, 3) like playing games, just want to waste your valuable time. With that being said, online dating is just as draining--if not more draining--than meeting douche bags at bars on a weekly basis. Remember, you can block people online, but it takes longer to get a restraining order for that creep you met last week downtown on the strip.

It doesn't matter what you gather around

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 04:46:00 +0000

It seems like not too long ago I was venturing off to New York to start a new chapter of my life. I gave up a job that I enjoyed, where I got paid actual money, to move to a place where I had no one and got paid almost nothing. I can't remember a time in my life when I was happier. People didn't understand why I did what I did; why I would give up being comfortable to do something so unheard of: volunteering. Living off of an extremely modest stipend is no joke when you are truly living off of that stipend...with no help...from anyone. I learned a lot from that experience.

Money can't make me happy and I would rather be poor and happy than well off and miserable. (Ideally, both would be great; but let's not get in over our heads.)
If I could live off of that much (or little) money, I could live off of almost any amount.
People will mostly likely never understand and will question that decision because we live in a world where money is king.
Material things aren't important. If I have to choose between buying something (like furniture) or going out with friends then I'm going to choose the latter.

This past week, I had the privilege of spending it in New York visiting friends and interviewing for a couple of teaching programs. It felt like I had never left! We all may be preparing for the next steps in our lives (aka getting real paying jobs and going to school), but we haven't forgotten the importance of what it means to have each other. People get busy, they grow up--get crap jobs, get great jobs, have kids, get married, get divorced, have accomplishments and failures--and sometimes these other things take precedence. Life happens, but true friends are there no matter what. And those are hard to find.

I never really understood what it meant to have so little and still have wealth until I moved to New York and met a wild group of people that would play such an important role in my life. In that short amount of time, I was reminded of the importance of having good people in your life. As I spent this past week bouncing between friends' homes, receiving a tremendous amount of help prep for my interviews, and being taken such good care of as I began to fall ill I couldn't help but be grateful for the second family I had found.

Now, please forgive the abrupt transition, but this mini story is relevant.

A couple of Christmases ago, I had seen a Jack Daniel's advertisement on the train that I fell in love with. One of my best friends that I had made in New York gave me the bright idea of taking signs from the train. At the time I saw it there were too many people on the train to take it out of the thick plastic covering that held it in place. I ran between train carts to see if I could find one that was semi-empty, but I couldn't find the sign. After going out that New Years Eve, I saw the sign on my way home, but again the carts were packed (due to the fact that it was NYE). I rode several different trains until I found one that I could take. The sign said: It doesn't matter what you gather around so long as you do.

We never really had a lot while we were there. Apartments were unfurnished, we didn't go to fancy shmancy restaurants or bars, and we didn't have money to blow. It didn't matter that when people came to dinner at my apartment we sat on the floor and makeshift couches or that our utensils were plastic sporks. (Well, it may have mattered to some, but it really didn't matter once I reminded them of the free home cooked meal they were getting.) Furniture and material things don't make memories--people do. We had something money couldn't buy; we had each other and that was enough.

What's my problem with committment?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 01:52:00 +0000

Being a 24 year old female is hard. It's just down right difficult! On one hand there are shows like HBO's Girls and New Girl and Broad City that tell you it's okay to be single and having fun--still trying to figure everything out. Just embrace it! Then on the other hand, I scroll through my Facebook feed and see numerous engagement and baby announcements, photos of friends from high school that have gotten married, and college friends taking family photos in bright colored fields of Indian paintbrushes and those infamous Texas bluebonnets. I find myself battling this great internal conflict between what I want now and what I thought I would want now (at this point in my life).

I used to think that by this age I would be married, getting ready to have kids and settled in a career that I enjoy. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be where I am now. Then again, who ever thinks they would be where they are now? Not many people. My greatest fear was that I would never have a family of my own, never be able to feel the joy of that. Now, marriage and children are so far out of sight they almost seem intangible. Sometimes, I don't know if I'm going left, right, up or down.

Deep inside of me is the yearning for that big family (all 100 kids included) that I wanted when I was a little girl. But buried even deeper is the urge to be free and to experience a life of my own without the restrictions that come along with having someone to be committed to. I always thought that I was the type of person meant to be in a relationship and for a decent amount of my life I have been. I remember sitting in the music hall in middle school, talking with Jessica Lopez and wondering why certain girls had boyfriends and we didn't. To be in a relationship is what I had always wanted...until I had the opportunity of moving to New York City.

I started a journey with an extremely diverse group of people in an equally diverse community and had the awakening of a lifetime. This city never sleeps and the people are always up to something and the energy is always flowing. It's just so alive! It was here that I found myself and was able to embrace the free spirit that I am; it was here that I was able to begin to experience life without a significant other; and it was here that I was able to take the first step towards doing something for me. To be able to do things that once seemed so far out of reach that they were only a dream--to me, that's a beautiful thing.

Currently being in a city that is so centered around family, I find it hard not to think about finding someone to settle down and have a family with. I mean, everyone's doing it! I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with getting married or having children at this age. Being a self-declared feminist, I personally think it's a wonderful thing and a big accomplishment despite what other feminists may say or think. Not everyone can raise children or balance work-life and family-life successfully. At this point in my life, I think my selfish needs to do things I want and love outweigh my desire for a family life. Following your dreams isn't always easy when you have a family or are older. It's doable, but if I have the opportunity to do something different then I'm going to take it; and that's exactly what I'm doing.

I got 99 problems...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 18 Feb 2014 15:37:00 +0000

And most of them are made up scenarios in my head that will probably never happen. C'mon, you know you do it too--overanalyze things until your brain is so low on oxygen that you feel like you're going to pass out from "thinking too much." I've had that problem as far back as I can remember. Probably because my parents were extremely overprotective and my dad is infamous for playing out possible scenarios of random things that could happen at any given time in any given area of life (AKA preventative teachings).
EXAMPLES:

If someone tries to attack you: scream as loud as you can, don't go with them to the car, run away if you can, etc. etc. because if you get in that car you will most likely NEVER return.
If your car stops on the highway for whatever reason (i.e. flat tire, engine light) you: get out of the car, take your family with you and go to the nearest place because you can replace your car if it gets hit, but you can't replace a life.

Unlike my scenarios, these are actually useful and happen more often than the daytime dramas that I conjure up in my head. But hey, it could happen. So I waste my time sitting around, giving myself panic attacks for no logical reason other than that I'm a 20-something year old female that wants to make sure that I'm prepared at all times for a number of possible events (i.e. the zombie apocalypse or Godzilla terrorizing the city).

Like I already mentioned, I've always known that I've had this teeny-tiny problem, but I've only recently been able to acknowledge how much of a toll it can take on my life, or anyone else's who does the same thing for that matter. Yes, it's good to plan for the unknown and the misfortunes in life, but by playing through scenarios that are absurd and illogical, you're limiting yourself to the possibilities of what really could be. You're psyching yourself out and setting yourself up for failure. That, in my opinion, is not healthy or conducive to a prosperous lifestyle.

To be more productive in going through these ridiculous scenarios of how failure is going to be bestowed upon you, focus on a couple of things by answering these questions:

What good is really going to come out of you driving yourself crazy?
What could you do to prevent something like that? (In the extremely rare case that it happens.)
What is causing you to think something like that could happen?

If you can focus on the root of it, then you can better avoid losing your marbles.

French kissing is GROSS

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:33:00 +0000

"Germs. Spit. Mucus. Old bits of food. That's just to name a couple." Oh, and don't forget about the person's tongue that is being shoved halfway down your throat like they're attempting to use it as a lethal weapon. French kissing is no joke. I understand that these sorts of things shouldn't happen, but they do. And they happen often. Heck, they've happened to me and I was not very happy about them. Personally, I would prefer to not French kiss anyone. Ever. Well, almost ever. The idea of someone coming at me full force, getting ready to put their tongue, full of saliva, all up in my mouth isn't very appealing to me. It never has been and it probably never will be. Maybe it's because I'm a reserved person and I don't like people in my personal space. Especially if it's unwelcomed contact.

Recently, these thoughts have been confirmed by guys who cannot take a hint when a female (aka me) keeps her lips locked while their tongue is trying to force entry. Just to give you a general idea of what I've had to deal with...

There was one guy who practically attacked me like a savaged animal! I was in shock. I gave off no signs of an overwhelming amount of interest or that I would be okay with that kind of behavior/that something like that would be acceptable. I'm a LADY, for Pete's sake!!! You must have lost your damn mind if you think that was an okay thing to do. I never spoke to him again.

Then there was this time that a man--a grown man--came at my face with his mouth OPENED. Yes, opened. Who does that?!?? I could see his tongue slowly passing his lips, coming towards my mouth as I cringed and kept my lips shut tight. Oh, but did that stop him? No, it did not. I opened my eyes to the nightmare that was his tongue in my mouth. As I tried to pull away he just pulled me in closer. Worst ending to a date ever. When he asked me to go out with him again I told him that I was no longer interested because I hated the way he kissed.

Some people may think that it's not a "real kiss" unless there's tongue. FALSE! A kiss is a kiss. Simple as that. Therefore, there is no need to come at anyone--EVER--with your eyes closed and your mouth open. Ain't nobody got time for ridding themselves of the horrific mental images of someone getting ready to eat their face off. Do yourself a favor, keep it clean and simple when kissing someone on a first date, or a second or third.

In honor of Valentine's Day, here are 14 ways to kiss other than Frenching:

Peck- This one is simple, so don't mess it up by pecking your partner into a coma.
Eskimo kiss- Gently rub noses with your partner (NOTE: do NOT do this with a runny nose).
Butterfly kiss- Flutter your eyelashes with your partner's. Probably not the best idea if you have extremely long eyelashes...you'll stab someone's eye out!
Single lip- Suck on your partner's lower lip GENTLY (you're not giving it a hickey).
Cheek- Lay one on 'em! But remember, there's nothing cute about saliva all over your face.
Lip gloss- Put on a healthy amount of lip shtuff and gently rub your lips against your partner's.
Pop rock kiss- You know you used to do this all the time in middle school so don't even front.
Marshmallow kiss- Pretend your partner's lips are marshmallows and bounce off of them with each kiss.
Spiderman kiss- Need I say more??
Air kiss- It's kind of cute blowing air kisses to your boo when they least expect it.
Forehead kiss- Exactly what it says...you kiss your partner. On the forehead. The end.
Biting- Nibble on your partners lip in between kissing the sweetly.
Breath of life kiss- It would be best if you didn't do this right after eating those French fries smothered in chili, onions and sauerkraut. Exhale your breath into your partner's mouth as they inhale.
Love kiss- Kiss your partner while thinking sweet thoughts about them. Hey, everyone needs a little tender lovin sometimes!

It's not me, it's YOU

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 05:14:00 +0000

For some unknown reason, I'm never completely on the same page as the guy I'm dating. Either I'm over here frolicking cluelessly through the green pastures of love or I'm way over yonder twiddling my thumbs, spinning around in circles trying to figure out what the hell this fool wants from me. To be fair, I'm an extremely complex creature that's both emotionally draining and insane...just like every other girl. WAIT, what am I saying?? That doesn't sound like me at all. I'm pretty simple. Feed me, make me laugh, show me adventure and spend quality time with me and I'll be happy. Of course there are the obvious things such as being honest with me and complimenting me every 15 minutes on how smart/beautiful/funny/ravishing/wonderful I am, but there's no need to demand the obvious. As I've gotten older, I feel that I've become more open about my wants and needs before casually dating someone so we can avoid that awkward stage where neither one of us is aware of the other's expectations. Despite my efforts, I somehow always find myself in that place. Clearly, this isn't completely my fault. Guys have repeatedly put thoughts and ideas into my head that I would have never thought of on my own because, in reality, those things were nowhere near what I wanted. I've come to the conclusion that it's not me, it's YOU. You, dear sir, are the problem. I'm convinced that guys get together, plot and come up with things to tell us females to 1) confuse us and 2) make us think we're crazy because we were the ones who thought of it first.

If this clown hadn't brought up the stupid idea of a long distance relationship, vacationing in Europe, marrying me, then I would have never entertained the idea. Unfortunately, with the way many of us females work/think, we begin to romanticize these ideas. Who wouldn't want to take an adventure of a lifetime with a super cool dude?? Again, it's not my fault, and it's not your fault either lady, it's HIS fault. So stop thinking it's completely your fault and accept the fact that although he may play dumb, or maybe he actually is dumb, he could also be using you as his personal puppet, just stringing you along in high hopes that he'll confuse the crap out of you in order to make him appear less confused and crazy.

Here are some of my favorite things that guys have done/told me that confused the heck out of me:
1. The guy who put the idea of marriage into my head and then got upset with me when I said we should do it
2. The guy who told me we didn't talk enough, then told me we talked too much and got upset with me for making him too happy
3. The guy who made me believe that I was the one, but later decided I was a bi***, ignored me for over a year and then decided he wanted to ruin my life all over again

Feel free to share some of the ridiculous things that guys have done or said to you in the comments below!

Redefine Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 07:09:00 +0000

If you know me, you know that I'm all about empowering women (both young and old) and loving yourself regardless of who you are or what you've done. No matter where you're from or who you hang around, everyone knows that the "beautiful" girls have long, straight hair and skin without hair or freckles and the body of a Greek goddess and the voice of an angel and look like the white/brown/black/yellow/whatever color version of Barbie. I guess I was kind of lucky; I went to college the same small size I had been since I was in middle school, had foundation that would cover up my few freckles and a CHI flat iron that would tame my crazy mufasa hair. Hey, I get it from my momma. I don't remember ever disliking my body--myself--until my last year of college when I put on about 30 lbs in a matter of a few months. I cried for weeks about my jeans not fitting me, my stomach being flabby and my face breaking out due to all the stress. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted by the way I looked. I nearly hated myself because I had this distorted, delusional view of what I thought I should look like. The ads in the magazines, on TV, plastered on billboards, displayed across Times Square all tell me that thin is beautiful, flawless is beautiful, PERFECT is beautiful.

We all know that quote in which Marilyn Monroe states that "imperfection is beauty." I see it all the time posted on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, used as a caption for some girl's picture. But you know what? She was right; imperfection is beauty.

I had always understood the meaning of that quote, but I had never truly grasped the power of those words until I was able to accept my own imperfections and love myself with them, for them because they are what make me different. I remember reading some quotes across a two page spread in a magazine, Marie Claire I think, from women across the world saying what they love about themselves and why. I don't read magazines much, but I will always remember that--the woman who loved her "big" nose because it was distinct and the woman who loved the gap in her teeth because it made her different. These "flaws" are what make us unique, they are what adds to each person's individual and incomparable beauty!

After watching this AMAZING video done by Dove (http://hellogiggles.com/watch-selfie-by-dove-and-see-how-we-can-redefine-beauty-together) I couldn't help but feel the need to share. This video isn't just about empowering our young girls and educating them on the true meaning of beauty; it's about changing our views and redefining what society has always told us is "beautiful." I encourage all of you to take your own selfies--by yourself, with a friend, your sister, your mother, a stranger--and post them using the hashtag at the end of the video, saying what beauty is to you.
TOGETHER, we can redefine beauty!

Dazed and confused

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 21:01:00 +0000

When I was younger, my father had me write out a list of "non-negotiable" qualities/traits my ideal guy would have. Of course my list consisted of important things (to me) such as having a relationship with God, possessing a great sense of humor, has ambition and drive, smells nice, has a great smile, arms of a Greek god, epic taste in music, etc. etc. As I've gotten older, I've added and taken away many things from that list as I continue to date and find things that I do or don't like in a guy that I might possibly want to spend the rest of my life with. My best friend always tells me that both it and I are absurd and that no guy could come close to possessing half of the things on my constantly changing list. Recently, I've gained this odd obsession with guys that have face tattoos. Yes, I said it, face tattoos. A bit silly since I also want the guy I date to have a good job, be an active member of his community and a strong social figure for little kids to look up to. It became even more evident how ridiculous I was being as my best friend (who is all too familiar with the struggle associated with establishing a career when you're covered in tattoos) was mocking me one night: "I want him to have face tattoos, but he has to have a good job! Are you stupid or something?!" Now, I'm not saying that someone with face tattoos can't have or be all of these things, but the chances of me coming across that is highly unlikely.

At first, I wasn't too sure where it came from. I've always told people that if they're going to get tattoos then it should be in a place that can be hidden so that it doesn't hinder them in life. (Let's face it, they're still not completely socially acceptable in most work places.) Then it hit me. I don't really want a guy with face tattoos--although maybe a sleeve or chest piece of some sort would be sexy--I want a guy that is comfortable with not conforming to social norms. I want a guy that is just as confused and free spirited as I am. A guy that has his career in place and knows exactly what he wants is less likely be accepting or understanding of the fact that I love doing volunteer work or that I don't really know what I want in life right now or that I'm currently taking time for myself to do the things I love. Why? Because society says that by this point in my life I should have my ish together...and I don't. Since coming to this realization, I've become accepting of the fact that I don't know what I want--in a guy or with my life--and that's okay. At least there's clarity in that.

What important qualities do you look for in a significant other? Here are some things that have been on my list:

Good communicator (verbal and non-verbal aka listening)
Trustworthy
Intelligent
Has morals and values
Family oriented
Team player
Good dental hygiene (it's very important to me and it should be to you)

And some not so important things...

Face tattoos...or any tattoos for that matter
Has a sexy accent
Dresses like a boss
Extremely good looking
Bad ass car (seemed important in HS, and now I could care less)

Wait. You mean this was a date???

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 21:46:00 +0000

One of my biggest fears in the world, as stupid as it may seem, is casually going to hang out with a dude and being slapped in the face with the harsh realization that A) he's digging me or B) this casual hang out is actually a date. Too many times I have caught myself in a situation where I'm out having dinner or drinks with a male friend, or someone who I thought was just a friend, when all of a sudden it happens. "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey is playing in the background and he finally gets the courage to shift his body towards mine and the next thing I know there he is with his hand on my leg as we laugh at some stupid joke that was just made. HOLD UP, wait a minute! I thought we were just catching up, having drinks at a bar. Apparently I didn't get the memo that the words: "we should catch up/go grab some [insert food or beverage type here]" actually means: "SURPRISE! You're my Valentine." What does one even say to that?? A simple "thank you" might do. Or would a blank stare be sufficient? I've never really been able to decide which is the worse of two evils. I'm not very comfortable acknowledging his efforts nor am I okay making him feel like a total and complete dumb ass for not being more clear with his intentions. Maybe I was unclear about his intentions. Either way, I fear where he may try and go with this since we clearly aren't on the same page.

I usually spend the rest of the night trying to throw subtle hints that I'm really not into him. I cross my legs away from him, I talk about some guy that I've recently gone on a date with, I try to look as bored as possible in high hopes that he might realize that I'm just not into him in that way. Despite my efforts, I think every time I smile at the lame jokes he makes he gets the impression that this is going somewhere--it's not. I try to mentally prepare myself for the awkwardness that will be our goodbye: a handshake, maybe a side hug, an attempted kiss as we hug, Lord only knows what it will be. Unfortunately, I have lost track of the number of times that I've had to swerve away from a lame attempt at an unwelcomed kiss and bumped heads with a guy, making things even more uncomfortable. There's nothing like getting yourself into a situation that you don't know how to get out of, am I right? So here's a little advice (to my future self and you) from what I've learned...

GUYS:
Unless you enjoy embarrassing yourselves, learn to take a hint. Also, don't assume that a girl is on the same page as you if you didn't explicitly state that what you were doing was going to be a date.

LADIES:
Do yourself a favor and don't go out with guys alone unless you're positive that they're just a bro. The world runs on reciprocity and if he wants to hang out with you alone it's because he's looking for something in return...like your mutual affection.

I know we've all been in these types of situations. What would/did you do??

New year, better you!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 04:30:00 +0000

Every January gyms are overcrowded with seemingly ambitious people trying to get fit, churches are filled with sinners seeking redemption for a years worth of built up sins and everyone is generally in a happier mood. HEY, it's a new year and we want to be better people gosh darn it! I think the problem a lot of us have when making goals is we set ourselves up for failure and make goals that are not SMART. Making a goal to go to the gym 6 days out of the week when you haven't been to a "gym" since you were in the 8th grade is not a smart goal. Making a goal to set out to find true love is not a smart goal. (Everyone knows that love finds you, DUH!) Making a goal to travel the world when you don't even have enough money for rent is not a smart goal. The reason they are not SMART goals is because they are broad, immeasurable, a tad bit outrageous and pretty much unrealistic. These things aren't going to happen overnight, so if you don't set up some sort of realistic timeline that you or someone else can hold you accountable to by certain measures, you are more than likely going to fail.

It's alright, we've all had them. When I was a senior in college, my goal was to move to NYC after I graduated, but I had no money saved up, nor did I have a job in line. I've been trying to start a blog for the past two years, but not once did I think about what I would write about. I'm not really one to make goals, I'm more of the type to just do whatever makes me happy. As I've gotten older, I've realized that it's a great feeling to know that you've accomplished something you set out to do. This year, I decided I needed to be a little more conscious about the goals I make--they needed to have a purpose. Before you get too excited, these goals aren't going to be LEGEN...wait for it...DARY, they're not going to be legendary. They are going to be realistic and purposeful things that I know I can hold myself accountable to and feel proud of at the end of the day (and that's what I suggest for you too).

Wear my hair curly twice a week because being natural is beautiful.
Apply to Teach for America in hopes of not only bettering my own future, but the futures of young people that will one day be in our shoes.
Write at least one blog entry a week to show my fellow 20-something year olds that they are not alone on this journey called life.
Find a steady place to teach Zumba because I want to share the joy I feel when I'm able to dance and be my crazy, silly self.
Continue to empower females to be strong, smart and bold.

Here are some guidelines to help you set SMART goals:
Specific- Remember in 1st grade when you learned all of the components that make up a sentence? Put that skill to use! (In case you forgot...who, what, when, where, why, how.)
Measurable- Ask yourself questions such as "how much?" or "how many?" to help you be able to track your progress in quantifiable measures.
Attainable- Make sure that this is something that you're both willing and ABLE to do. You may be willing to, but if you're not able to get to it right away, then make a smaller goal that will help you progress and reach this bigger goal.
Realistic/Relevant- A goal can be both challenging and realistic. It makes it easier if it's helping you work towards or improve something.
Timely- Set a specific time frame in which you wish to reach your goal(s).

Feel free to comment what goals you're committing to this year.
Happy goal setting, errbody!

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 16:57:00 +0000

As far back as I can remember, I've never been alone on my birthday. I've always had my family and friends and a boyfriend that would help me celebrate another year of me being completely awesome. Then last year happened. I. Was. A. Wreck. I woke up that morning feeling extremely depressed. I had been waiting an entire year to be rid of the awkward age of 22 that Taylor Swift sings so positively about like it's some sort of super-power giving number. I was in one of the most wonderful cities in the entire world with a group of amazingly great friends. But for some reason, I just couldn't shake off that feeling. To make matters worse, I was running late to work.

I remember walking to my Program Manager's office, on the verge of a complete breakdown, thinking of what smart remark I could make if he asked me why I was late (like that would really make a difference in me getting written up or not). He didn't ask, but he did tell me happy birthday as I signed my write-up paper. Clearly, I wasn't thrilled at the fact that I felt like I was being mocked and wanted to jump over his desk for having the audacity to wish me a happy birthday as he bestowed such an unhappy thing upon me. By the end of the day you could just tell that I was an emotional wreck. At our final circle, my Team Leader had everyone say what they liked about me to cheer me up. Most of them stated something about my outgoing personality and how much fun I was to go out with. Ironic since I was so unhappy on what should have been a glorious day. I spent that evening eating a medium pepperoni pizza and some hot wings from Domino's all alone on my bedroom floor as I cried hysterically and watched the newest episode of HBO's Girls.

A year later, and 24 isn't looking much better than 22 or 23. I'm back in San Antonio (a place I promised myself I would never come back to), I don't have a job and in about a month or so I will probably be without money. But I did it to myself and I am willing to accept the fact that sometimes you have to take a step back so you can move forward. So here's to you, 24, and everything that you have in store for me!