. Teresa Talks A Lot

An Entrance Essay?

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Sun, 20 May 2012 05:46:00 +0000

So many, many things are going on right now. I've just been letting you guys hang out there, without an update saying "Why yes, yes I am alive."

So.. Here I am, alive, and busy as I've ever remembered being busy in a long long while.

The new job is awesome. I love it. Filling out papers, filing them, moving the things you filed, emailing people and instant messaging them. It's a dream job for this teenager stuck in a grown up's life! Lol.

Also, I'm trying to get registered back in college, to finish my degree (gasp, I know, shocking right?)

So here's the latest and greatest... My entrance/application essay..

The prompt:

Describe a goal or challenge in your past that required perseverance and determination to accomplish.

The (my) Response::

Many statistics show that a majority of the U.S. population is morbidly obese.. I am not exempt from that statistic. My father was raised in the south where most meals were fried and entrees were accompanied by gravy. This style of cooking transcended the generations and was a staple in my childhood nutrition. That was one of many factors that led to my “weight issue” beginning in childhood. Though it was never hindered me it was always something I found disheartening and isolated me from my peers.

When I became a mother, I felt a much stronger desire to be healthy for my kids. I had a desire for them to have healthy eating and exercising habits. So in 2012 I made a resolution, like most people, to lose weight and become healthy.

To become healthy I decided a long term goal, to be at an average weight for my height according to the Body Mass Index (BMI) standards. I broke down that goal into small, reachable goals, tasks and guidelines to assist in that. I knew that I had to measure my caloric intake, increase the amount of water I drank and most importantly increase my amount of aerobic activity. Utilizing only these three guidelines I met my first goal of losing ten percent of my original weight.

While I have not yet met my long term goal, I have maintained my first small goal. I am also utilizing those same guidelines, with modifications and additions continually, to reach my next goal of twenty percent of my original weight. This is not something that will happen overnight, or something that can be conquered easily. This requires daily discipline, with long term gratification that will greatly improve my life, as well as those around me.

A Little Peak

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:00:00 +0000

So many, many things going on, and so very little time to post.

In my last post, I talked about starting over in May (as if it were January). And I did good for like, a day. Then I got some FANTASTIC news, and totally crapped out on my eating healthy and drinking only water.

I was offered (and promptly accepted) a position in a office setting. I've worked three days, and I'm pretty happy with position, and the new opportunities that will (hopefully) be coming with it.

However, it also came with a 40 minute drive to and from work. I don't mind the drive, I did a drive that took the same amount of time when I was pregnant with T, for a job I didn't like nearly as much as I'm already liking this position. And the drive gives me time to clear my head between home and work, and vice versa. So when I'm home I'm (even more so) fully present.

With the stressed that accompanies a new job, plus new hours/routines for said job has made giving up caffeine a near impossible, and dangerous, task. So this has been postponed, but will still remain a goal for one month in 2012.

I've also attempted to start FLYing. This is a housekeeping concept I found online, FLYlady.net. The system (from what I understand) is based on routines. Creating routines, and doing what needs to be done rightnow and not procrastinating. Also focusing on spending a limited time (15 minutes in most cases) focusing on a chore/room/area that needs to be decluttered/cleaned. And being satisified with what was done within the time constraints. The biggest thing I'm struggling with is the concept that imperfect housework still blesses your family. I'm kinda a perfectionist, hard to tell, I know, but 'tis true.

Just a glimpse into what's happening around here.

Ma-nuary

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Tue, 01 May 2012 14:30:00 +0000

You've probably heard of Christmas in July, right?
What about New Years in May?
No?
Well you can now say yes! Because I'm instigating it now. I need a revamp, a new jump start, for the summer of 2012. I've been through some rough patches in the last 6ish weeks, but no longer will I let that effect my health.

For the entire month of May I will be drinking just water. It's a nice cleanse from all that I've been hydrating with. Diet colas, coffee, tea, juice, milk will all be off limits for May.

I'm also going to start doing Zumba for at least 20 minutes a day. I need the cardio/endurance work out. I realized, while catching up with an awesome friend, that I would one day like to become a runner. There are a few things I need to work on first (like bladder wall strengthening).

I'm also jumping back on the #TwitterDiet (when I can catch the chats, and daily check in) band wagon. And I'll be logging my caloric in take with MyFitnessPal (TeresasTalking).

See?! It's just like January, only in May!!

Teresa

Ps- Some Before Pictures.

I do realize these are horrible pictures, but

they're real, and only mildly edited.

I'll take some update pictures on May 31st.

What I'm NOT Talking About

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 20:53:00 +0000

I haven't been talking, at least not here, and that needs to be rectified.

I lost a grand total of 4 pounds while I wasn't weighing for Lent. Which is probably a lie, because I was doing pretty awesome pre-gallbladder surgery. And the post op recuperative time has me losing my mind, and gaining some weight. I'm not proud of this, or the fact that I've abandoned #TwitterDiet AND MyFitnessPal AND drinking water.

I'm not going all woe is me here, and discussing the other things that are stressing me out (needing a full time job/bills that need to be paid/etc).

I'm holding me responsible. And I'm being honest, and hating mostly every minute of it.

In about 2 and a half weeks (the end of the post op 6 weeks) I'm going to start doing Zumba at home a couple of times a week to start out. I will take some (more) "before" pictures. I'm really getting excited about this Christmas, because I REFUSE to look/feel the same as I did last Christmas (obtuse and unhealthy).

I'm thinking about May, planning for the future instead of focusing on the now. I'm thinking about drinking only water in May, as in not drinking cokes (sodas/pops) and drinking water. I'm not ready for any kind of fasting, especially only water fasting. Don't be crazy yall.

But I haven't decided 100%, or if that's going to be all I'll be doing.

I am an Emotional Binger

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 13:32:00 +0000

I like to think that I'm not an emotional eater. I like to think that I'm just a person, with a lot of (very strong) emotions, who happens to eat to, ya know, survive.

Yesterday the truth came out.

I went to see my surgeon, to set a date for gallbladder removal (Friday). And of course you have to weigh before you can even talk to a doctor, much less see one to schedule something, like surgery. So I'm all chatty cathy with the nurse, "I haven't weighed since Fat Tuesday," little chuckle," I gave it up for lent." She just nods and starts moving the weights over (yes we are that old school around here). "Alright, two eighty-two. We're going right..."

I didn't hear any more. Two hundred EIGHTY-two?! I was two seventy on Fat Tuesday.

I reigned in my downward spiral of thoughts and answered, yet again, that this would, in fact, be my first surgery. After the nurse left me in the room, my thoughts went wild.

Some how I made it through the appointment, set my date, and went back to work. And I basically ate my way through Tuesday afternoon.

I didn't track it. It's all a blur of shoving and chewing, in private where no one could see me, ask me questions, or demand any responsibility out of me for my decisions.

And here I am the morning after confessing my emotional binge. It's not easy, it's really embarrassing, admitting these faults. But I must hold myself responsible. I refuse to let ONE bad, unscheduled, weigh in set me back! So this morning I drank my coffee and my slimfast. I'll eat a healthy lunch and dinner. I'll attempt to get my 8 glasses of water in.

This is not a set back, it's a setup for a comeback! (Thanks Joel Osteen!)

My Ex

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 04:48:00 +0000

You may remember in my last post that I vowed not to weigh myself for Lent, and to work on toning up my arms, and getting in all sixty-four ounces of water per day? Yeah... that post. Well I'm hating that post.
Not because at the bottom is my 'before' picture (and that picture is the go to picture when you post a link) no, that's not the reason I hate it.

I hate it because I'm not weighing myself, because I'm attempting to keep my word (it's kind of a big deal for me). In 2011 I didn't use a scale. I detested the scale as much as it detested me, and I know it did because the numbers it showed me were detestable! But when I started this healthy lifestyle make over of 2012, I started using the scale. I started to measure everything by the scale. "Oh you remember that really great time we had on the day I weighed in uber light, right before I gained back the weight I'd lost because of my least favorite week? YEAH! That day."

I even had a habit formed (already!) that included weighing myself. First thing at work, get the paper, empty the bedside commode, weigh, continue with day. But now..

Now I find myself giving the bathroom with the scale sidelong glances. I force myself to look away. I think of it fondly, only remembering the positive parts of our relationship (you know, my weightLOSSES).

It reminds me, quite acurately, of breaking up with a boyfriend. I only want to remember the positive parts. I forget all the stupid fights (and weight gains). I don't remember the late night crying on the phone (or eating the last of the ice cream). I just remeber good, solid hugs (and weight losses).

I avoid rooms that give the scale a home. I don't want to fall off this wagon, it's entirely too early. However I do miss seeing the numbers (and having a measurable progress), I'm stickin to it!

Happy Lenten Season Yall!!

PS- I've been doing (almost) decently at drinking enough water, however my exercise has taken a huge hit. I hope to start going to atleast one Zumba a week in March and using some of the machines afterwards for more of an upper body work out.

PPS- You should totally be following my on Twitter!

Fit For Lent #LentPlans

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 04:59:00 +0000

If you follow me on Twitter (@TeresasTalking) you already know I have had some ideas and plans floating around and simmering for what to do for the Lenten season. All are in keeping with my main objective to be healthier (and hopefully thinner) by the end of the year.

First FFL idea- No weighing in (for forty days.) I'm trying to learn success in other measurable ways, and I don't want to be tied to a scale for the rest of my existence. So I'm trying to learn how to be healthy without it. Plus can you imagine the weight sticker shock when I finally weigh in on the Monday after Easter? (Can we say AMAZING results. Atleast that's the goal!)

Second FFL idea- Focus (no cardio) workouts on the arms. I have awkwardly flabby arms. And with the small amount of weight I've already lost they're looking extra saggy. Adn saggy, ex-flabby arms do not a cute Teresa make!

Third FFL idea- Drink 64oz of water a day. I did really great at this in January, and slowly slacked off. Time to rev that engine back up.

FINAL FFL idea- Before and After pics! I'm posting my befores tonight (like rightnow inthispost). And I'll repost those befores with the afters (probably the Monday or Tuesday after Easter).

These forty days are going to be interesting and I sure hope that I can follow through. I know all my #TwitterDiet people will be watching out for me and pushing me to succeed. I hope you all will call me out if you see any misbehavin as well..

Happy Fat Tuesday!!

Losing Star or Jennifer

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:07:00 +0000

I am at this really awkward to admit phase in my weightloss.

I don't have any memories of weighing less than I do right now.

Is that healthy? No. Is that at all encouraging? No. Is it terrifying and honest? Yes!

I knew this mental block was coming. It came the last time I was losing weight. I have these concerns, which are silly and inconsequential and plain ol dumb. But I still have them.
Am I going to look like Star Jones post weightloss? Or am I going to be fabulous like Jennifer Hudson?

Thoughts that plague my "healthy lifestyle" mind.

Pass the water, I'm losing my sanity!

Sometimes I Consider Thinking

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 04:05:00 +0000

When I made the decision to be a single mom, as in not continue unhealthy or craptacular relationships with the sperm donors who helped to make my active, mostly fun, and gorgeous children, I didn't think of a lot of things that have come up, especially recently.

I thought about having to explain that their "Daddy" wasn't their father. What I didn't expect was not to be in a healthy relationship (married) when my daughter started asking. I also didn't expect her to start asking at the right bold age of three. THREE. I just assumed she'd be too busy learning to potty or some little preschool ditty about colors in the rainbow or tying shoes or something, not parents and families.

I thought about having to comfort, punish and be the security for my kids. I did not think about the fact that they would both be just as stubborn as their aunt. Or that no one would ever been a decent substitute for me. On one hand that's all awe and sweet on the other its a plain ol' pain in the butt. Heaven forbid I shower, or use the rest room, or want to do something crazy like go to the WalMart sans kids.

I considered and appreciated that having my kids closer together meant that I was getting most of the child rearing done at one time (for the most part). I didn't really consider their ages, and what that would mean. That my daughter would be going through this trial phase and learning her toddler body, while my son would be going through a starting interest in the bathroom or the stubborn 18+ months old. (They call it the terrible twos, my kids couldn't wait for 2 they started early!)

I thought about the chores that I'd be the only one responsible for once I moved out, laundry, dishes, mopping, dusting. I didn't think about how I'd have to try to have the energy reserved from working my 9 (sometimes 14) hour days to try and put the house to rights while the kids were up. I didn't think about having to reserve even more energy to fight the kids to go to sleep, and then to stay up and finish whatever it was that I didn't get done before they went to sleep.

I didn't consider the mommy guilt that would come from trying to date on regular date nights. I didn't think about how my heart would tear just a little bit every time my daughter accused me of leaving her, even if it was with my mom or brother, where she was definitely well cared for and loved. I didn't think about how my soul would be pulled in different directions, one side wanting to be this amazing provider for myself and my kids, the other side wanting to just stay home and cook, clean, and be like those old school women who raised their kids, cattle, made clothes, cooked from sunup to sundown and still had an awesome relationship with their husband.

Sometimes I think that I may have been better off to stay in a craptacular relationship, just so someone else would be here to hold one screaming (spoiled) child while I deal with another screaming (spoiled) child. I don't really think that, like.. 98% of the time I fully believe I've made the right, healthy, wonderful decision to raise these kids by myself, until God leads the man that I'm supposed to be with into my life and I trip right over him. The other 2% of the time I really wish I'd 'made' someone, anyone stay around and help me.

But when that 2% of the time comes around, I do what I do when I'm on the treadmill and want to stop, I keep going until I my (undiagnosed and probably inaccurately self diagnosed) obsessive compulsion won't let me stop because I'm not at a whole/round number of time/miles/laps. So I end up back in the 98% of the time, and kiss their heads and hug them tight and get over my single self.

More Than A Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:19:00 +0000

I miss being a new mom. The cuddling and cooing. Every little milestone being celebrated and, of course, Facebooked for all to see and joyously celebrate with me. Putting those adorable candid baby shots as my profile picture. It was pure unadulterated pride pouring through. And I miss all that awesome ness.

Now, they've grown and walk. They're starting to talk. They get moody and throw fits, oh does my red head ever throw a fit. They become more like "real" people that I have to deal with. I still have (moments of) pure unadulterated pride flowing through my veins for them. I have awesome kids, pretty much.

But I'm more than their mom. More goes on in my life and mind than them. Granted most of it circles around back to them. But I am still crazy, ditzy, nonstop talking Teresa.

I realized this mostly when I started, prepare yourself, online dating. I needed some nice pictures... Of myself. What?! Not of my kids. ( I would NOT want to date someone who chose my profile because my kids are so freaking adorable. )

I also realized that oh maybe my Facebook profile picture should be of me. This is one of the most poplar social media outlets, and one where I constantly document my life. And those things should be attributed to me. Whether they're positive or negative I wouldn't want them to be associated with my kids, because those are not their decisions.

I still post about them and throw their pictures up there and silly happenings. But I'm also more willing to post my opinions, ideas, comments and be more interactive because people (random and numerous) will see picture and know that it is me.

What do you think?

Somedays I Hate Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:35:00 +0000

I have a decent life. It's not great, but I get by. There aren't a lot of extras, but extras are just that extra.

But somedays I hate everything.

I hate my jeans. I hate my body. I hate my vehicle. I hate my kids' behavior (not the kids themselves). I hate my job. I hate my phone. I hate being single. I'd hate dating. I hate tv. I hate radio. I hate silence. I hate exercising. I hate being fat. I hate EVERYTHING.

These are the days I have to mentally slap the silly out of myself. I have to fake it. I have to rise above all this hate and dissatisfaction. It sucks. I hate it, too.

Somedays I hate everything.

Me, as Tom Hanks from The Green Mile

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 18:28:00 +0000

I wear a few hats, like most moms or parents even. I'm head chef, nutritionist, chauffer, assistant, planner, personal shopper, really the list could go on and on. But the last couple of nights I've added a new hat, bedtime warden.

I've never hid the fact that my daughter has always slept in my bed. And my son was a very independent sleeper. However I decided (Dear Lord help me) to put Poppa in a toddler bed, and T in a twin bed. Now Poppa gets up and comes to my bed, at ten til five. This is not conducive to good sleep for the kids, or for me.

So I decided it was time to implement one of my new years resolutions, the kids sleep in their own beds.

Now bedtime reminds me slightly of The Green Mile. I put the toddlers in their respective beds/rooms and sit. I sit in the hall, where I can see them and they can see me and my no nonsense steely eyed glare, atleast that's the goal.

One awesome night, and one crap night. Maybe by summer we can all sleep through the night in our own beds.

Thinking About A Shower?

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 21:46:00 +0000

I'm a rambling thinker. I believe that's obvious if you've read any of my Sunday SoC, or for that matter, any of my posts, at all. But when I really need to think about something, to figure something out, to relax or space out, I go to my shower.

Sometimes it has to wait until far after I'm more than sure both my little "angels" are asleep, or has to be much earlier than I'd ever like to admit that I'm awake. But it's my alone time, it's my space. If you can't be real or honest with yourself while you're in the shower shaving and getting your dirty off, I don't really know what to tell you. I am at my most vulnerable when I'm behind that plastic liner, with the hot water spraying down on my face.

I come up with awe inspiring posts and witty conversation and come backs. I'm better than any Hollywood screen writer, as long as I'm there.

I'm as peaceful as a monk who does yoga, as long as I'm behind that plastic veil. It doesn't last long, not nearly as long as it used to. I don't remember half of the amazing, awe inspiring, awesomeness that comes out during the shower. But I love that time to think and to decompress and to find that awesome subconscious peace and calmness.

Inspiration for this post with great thanks from Bloggy Mom's Blog Dare for 2012.

I Don't Punch

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 14:14:00 +0000

I'm not much of a puncher, I just don't have the upper body strength for that kind of defense. But somehow in my junior year of high school I punched through a window.

I know, crazy right? Wait til you hear how it happened!

I was inside cleaning, shocker right? And my sister and her friends were getting ready to go to the pool, the boys were outside waiting, impatiently, for the girls to change into swimsuits (Floridian girls and their swimsuits is a whole different post.).

So these impatient high school boys were waiting, and teenage girls being teenage girls had to redo, well, pretty much everything. So the boys decided to annoy me by knocking on the window where I was cleaning.
FUN!! A game. I can play games, I'm a cool big sister like that. So I knock back, why not? (I'm pretty sure you see where this is going.) They knock back a little more... well just more, louder, longer, there. Okay, fine, thats cool. I knock back. Great all's good. They knock again. It's more, again. So I knock back more, again. Except when I go for my second "knock" my hand goes through the window. I remember looking down and just thinking "Oh shit. I'm bleeding." Then it hurt.

I'm the daughter of a nurse, I got this. I checked the wound, pulled out some remaining glass. Then wrapped that hand up with a (clean) dish towel and put a bag of frozen peas on my hand. Raised my hand above my heart, then called my mom (and cried).

So, that's kind of like punching isn't it?

Drinking AGAIN?

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:43:00 +0000

I know it's all of four days into 2012, but I've got a confession or a relization or something.

Turns out I actually like water. I've only been drowning myself in it for three days, but it's not nearly as horrible as I thought it would be.

We've all heard the benefits of drinking eight 8oz glasses of water each day. It keeps you hydrated, your skin will be all dewy wonderful lookingness, you'll rinse 'toxins' out of your body, you'll lose weight, blah blah blah. For almost 25 years I've heard all that information and ignored it. I'd nod my head, smile politely and wish for the coke I'd left in the car as doctors would ramble on about water.

But now, in 2012, I finally get it. Water is awesome.

It will never taste like ice cream, chocolate, or cheesecake. But it also will never leave you with eater's remorse the moment you set the bottle down.

You'll probably lose a few pounds just running to the bathroom the first couple of days you drink your full eight glasses. But you won't be thirsty.

I've come up with a strategy that (so far - 3 days in) is working wonders. I use a 24oz bottle. 3 for the look of 1!
I set goals or time limits to drink the whole bottle. I use my mid morning snack as goal 1 (a banana around 9:30 with Live with Kelly). Then Sonic's happy hour, which starts at 2, is my second goal. That leaves me with 2 cups of water to drink before bed. Since I'm usually up until after ten that leaves 8 hours to drink 16 ounces. Not to mention a meal to have.

I can't believe I waited so long to listen about water, and it is so easy to accomplish.

What have you put off doing and then realized how awesome/easy it was?

When I'm moving to Ireland.

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

I've never been good about remembering awesome things I want to do before I die.

If I had ever written down a bucket list, the paper would be covered in lines through things I changed my mind about. And extra numbers and experiences added on the bottom of the paper, and the back, around the margins.

I have few goals that are 'big'.
I want to raise amazing, world changing, well mannered children. I want to.have a satisfying career. And I want to visit (have a vacation home) in Ireland.

Do you have a bucket list? Is it a mental one, or have you taken the time to physically write it out?

A Little Look Back

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 14:44:00 +0000

With a little inspiration from Bloggy Moms today I'm going to take a little look back at 2011.

It started like most years, a good plan that fittered out before January was over.

I then did this amazing thing, I got my first place, that is only mine. Well I share it with my kids. But I'm the only one paying rent.

Along with the move I did this other risky thing, reinventing myself online. I decided I was more than just a momma, and my online presence should reflect that.

I also had some less than awesome moments, like where I maybe cursed at church, around my kids... and the pastor's wife.

But hopefully 2012 will be filled with more appropriate cursing, fun and blog fodder.

2012 SOC #1

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:34:00 +0000

It's FINALLY 2012. I've been waiting and waiting for it to get here. I have so many plans for this year. I've started a challenge on SparkPeople, for the month of January. To exercise daily and I'm hoping that after 31 days of that it will be routine and I will be used to getting up (EXTRA) early to do it, without toddler assistance.

I've also set up a new daily schedule guideline. I do so much better when I have a plan. So I decided I might have better luck at looking and being prepared like a grown up, if I have a daily plan. Now to get the kids to cooperate will be a challenge. But right now I'm ready to take it on.

We're also transitioning to big kid beds this month. So I maybe delusional by the time February is here, but hopefully I'll be some what fit, with 2 kids sleeping in their own beds, a blog full of January posts and a Bible partially read.

HAPPY NEW YEEEER!!!

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

SOC Lurking Guilt?

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 22:39:00 +0000

I've been pretty busy lately. And as it's christmas time I'm financially at the bottom of my barrel. So I had VERY limited access to the internet. Which means that my drive to actually blog was even more limited. My lurking was obscene I was still there on twitter, and facebook and other people's blogs. Reading and laughing and reacting in my own way, but not commenting. Not letting people know that I was there reading and relating.

I'm in a much better place RIGHT now, but I'm not really sure how long that will last. I didn't buy a Christmas tree before I moved out and now I"m tree-less at the house. A couple from church offered to let me borrow a tree from them, but I have yet to pick it up. Oh and of course Christmas is in two weeks. AWESOME!

I maybe totally awkward or this, but I want my daughters ears repeirced for christmas. I bought some totally "grown up" earrings for her. and I WANT her to be able to wear them. And it's probably demented, but it is what it is.

I cant believe theres still two more minutes. I'm really putting alot of guilt effort forth where the blog is concerned, but not so much writing effort. Maybe if I could switch those out, not feel guilt and actually WRITE it would be nice. I'd normally promise something right here. But honestly I'm not sure I'd be able to live up to whatever I'd promise. So I'm not going to. HALLELUAH! It's the end of the 5 minutes... And I totally butchered that word. :)

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Im a Lurker

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:51:00 +0000

I was going to do Mama Kat's writers workshop today. But I changed my mind.

Today I'm going to write about my biggest blogging fail.

I'm a lurker.

I sit on Twitter, all day and tweet a whole 4 times. I also read certain blogs almost daily. I've probably commented, collectively, ten times.

It's not that there aren't awesome conversations going on, on Twitter. Or that the posts I'm reading aren't relatable or passionate or don't deserve comments, because the posts are all of those amazing things.
I lack the true self confidence to feel that my comments are worthy. To feel like I will actually add something valuable to the post or the conversation.

This is something I plan to conquer in 2012. I will be 25 and I'm going to focus on fixing what I can. Because I want to be AWESOME when I turn 26.

Happy December First!

I won the trash war.

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 15:35:00 +0000

In August I moved into my own place.

Since August I've struggled to remember to put the trash can on the curb on the right day.

For two weeks the weather was crappy, and by crappy I mean pouring down rain, cold, and wind.
And for some reason I just can't make myself go out in that to move the trash can.

And the trash men are decidedly against me. They go into the neighbors' yards and empty their trash cans, and put them back neatly in their fenced in yards. My trash can ends up rolling down the street for half the day.

Well not this week!! I took my trash out last night. It took up half of my front curb, but it's out. This week I VICTORIOUS!

Crafty... Or Not

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 04:30:00 +0000

As if preparing a homemade (well mostly) Thanksgiving dinner isn't enough for one week, we're also crafting.

I'm not especially crafty. I'll try a little something and if it looks good I'll try a little more, until it's obviously too much and can't be taken off. So I normally just don't craft.

So why on God's green earth am I crafting, especially during one of the busiest times? Oh that's because my brother is going on a People to People Ambassador trip next year.

So to be supportive I'm pooling all the creativity inspired by Pinterest and the craftiness from my right pinky, and ending up covered in Mod Podge and glitter.

You will all be jealous of the glitter that will soon be a 'natural' part of my complexion. I'm preparing myself for that day, as well as the day that the paparazzi will follow me around, trying to get a picture of me picking my nose.

Be on the look out. It could happen.

Blogicide

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 06:23:00 +0000

I pretty much committed Blogicide. I switched names and then didn't post. Now I've lost followers on pretty much every network. And all of this is attributed to the fact that I lost my self confidence.

I didn't just lose it as a blogger, though that could happen because of all the awesomeness that is out there in bloggy land. But I lost confidence in me, Teresa, as a person, outside of this beautiful bloggy box.

I'm out of a short but painful relationship, and am now taking back control of the chaos that had suddenly consumed my life.

Don't give up on my rambling soul. I'm working it out.

Chocolate Chip Cookies, Liquor & Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 15:05:00 +0000

Have you ever done something you knew that you shouldn't do, but you just kept doing it anyway? Kinda like eating that third chocolate chip cookie, or drinking that last drink. Maybe you should've just left before last call?

Or maybe it was more like mine.... Being in a bad relationship that you knew you needed to end.

I was in one of those, I knew that it needed to end. If it had been my friend dealing with all the stuff I'd been dealing with I would have encouraged her daily (maybe more like hourly) to ditch the douche bag she was worth more. Plus didn't she want to be available for Mr. Right when he came along?? And while that all sounds good from the outside, and makes perfect sense.. I still stayed in a relationship I knew wasn't good, and didn't have the potential to be good for anyone.

So I ( as I'm always telling my friends to do) pulled up my big girl panties, and told him enough. It wasn't working, I was finished. I was done.

Things were said that hurt me, far more than the ending of the relationship did. And if that doesn't prove that the relationship wasn't working, I'm not sure what would.

It's been three (whole) days, and I'm really feeling much better about myself, and that I'm moving in a positive direction.

A Dream Life Off

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 13:20:00 +0000

It's Thursday that means another of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop Writing Prompts. Yay!!

Today the prompt I've chosen is... *dun dun dun*
10 things you would do if you didn't have to work. I'm approaching this as if I were a stay at home parent, and not as if I were a bazillionaire with money to spare. :)

1) I would make sure that my dresser drawers were organized. Also the children's drawers and their closets and probably my kitchen cabinets. I like organized I just don't have time for organized.

2) I'd work out. I know that sounds lame and like I'm making working my excuse for my weight (which is only partly accurate). But I love me some Zumba and if I could I would TOTALLY do it during the day when other people are working.

3) I'd make more home made stuff. Bread, crafts, jams, ok probably not jams, but stuff. You get the idea. And they'd be healthy. Cause that's what I'd wanna do.

4) I'd get a chance to catch all the prime time shows I miss for Dora at night.

5) Probably take courses. Things like cooking and photography and photo editing. And then cook, take pictures and edit them.

6) Dust my whole house, and then wash everything down and then polish all the fake wood that my whole place is covered in. The paneling, the floor, the cabinets. Everything.

7) Refinish my table, because the top is an obscene mess with water rings and such.

8) Be more consistent on my blog. (This goes kind of along with number 2.)

9) Maybe start half extreme couponing. I don't need a huge obscene stock pile, but a nicely stocked kitchen would be much appreciated.

10) I would finally really start to write that silly book my mom wants me to write. And in the mean time become obsessed with Ancestry.com for the down time when I have writer's block.

These are my ten things. What are yours? They seem kind of ordinary. I don't need to change the whole world. Just my little corner.