Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller

Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Tue, 20 Sep 2016 13:09:00 +0000

Today's Daily Word from www.dailyword.org is Comfort. The affirmation is

"GOD IS MY SOURCE FOR PEACE AND COMFORT"

This affirmation and the content of our Daily Word fit me today, for I am finding comfort in a grateful heart. Gratitude is an element to comfort. A grateful heart opens me up to peace and comfort.

I am grateful. Breathing in the moment, I am safe, warm, fed and following a Divine path specific to my soul. I am grateful for the struggle to get to this place. I appreciate my past moments that led me to this place of comfort and gratitude.

Last weekend, drama entered my life, through outside influences. I attracted this negative energy but I am not going to go back and ruminate on all the details and how it happened. I instead am moving forward with pride in my reaction to the situation.

I experienced all the anger, sadness and anxiety negative energy creates, but I stayed steady. I kept calm and as quiet as my anxious mind would allow. I did not react towards the energy though, I stayed present and allowed myself to experience the feelings generated. I still ruminated somewhat on the situation. I still asked all the questions of myself, how, why, where, going over past conversations what in the history created this energy, but I did not react. I stayed quiet.

I will give a tidbit of humor, if the father of my children read this. What I said above he would not believe. This was never my norm. Whenever negative energy would come to me before, I would react and not in a constructive manner. That being said, I am very grateful for the experience of the negative energy and I now know I can truly do this. I am grateful for the lessons and the experience to know my soul has evolved and I am living in Spirit.

I leave you in today with this denial and affirmation.

I do not react to negative energies.

I am quiet and listen to God.

Namaste

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: Letting Go and Letting God

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 15 Sep 2016 14:28:00 +0000

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: Letting Go and Letting God

Letting Go and Letting God

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 15 Sep 2016 12:49:00 +0000

I relax into a natural state of ease, peace and well being. My prayers begin with action. “Let us take a deep breath inward, filling our bodies with the Divine love of the universe, we exhale all worry and doubt. Releasing that which does not serve us” This action is “Letting Go and Letting God”. Moving into prayer I release.

Release though is not an easy thing to do at times. There are times releasing is the last thing I want to do. I know I need to, I know I should want to, but sometimes releasing is akin to vegetables for a stubborn child. My mother says it is good for me, but cake sounds so much better.

Our dear co-founder Myrtle Fillmore in How to Let God Help You, says;

“Set aside regular periods every day for prayer-times that are most convenient for you”

Although this is a practice of mine. I find I still have times it is difficult to “Let go and Let God”. She goes on to say,

“When you come to the place where you are ready to co-operate with the Source of all good... your indwelling Lord--you are bound to receive his help.”

I can testify that I have received a lot of help from my indwelling spirit, my higher self. Yet I still have an ego, I still have that part that wants to worry, that holds onto crutches and nodes of disaster that could happen. Ego loves to ruminate on disaster or pending doom. Ego also gets in a hurry. and can make me be impatient.

So the indwelling Lord that Myrtle Fillmore talks about wants us to be patient and take solace in the Divine Order that lays before me. I am to Let Go and Let God. Centering in that space of inner knowledge, I am follow the Divine Guidance knowing the truth that my way is a learning experience and in hindsight I may understand. Yet even in speaking here I want to ruminate on why Letting Go and Letting God is so difficult for me. I find myself dipping into ego as to why this is so hard.

Yet, I know the truth, Letting Go and Letting God is not a dreary task. It is a relief, a release into the ether of everything that is beyond my control. Letting Go and Letting God is relaxing and peaceful a true stress reliever.

I hear many people in relaying their journey stories say, following guidance sometimes they scoffed or had “What the…” moments, but they followed the guidance and moved forward. I have never heard anyone say, “I wish I had not listened to that inner calling” I have heard confusion in the moment of the calling and doubt but ultimately if we Let go and Let God we are led to our ultimate gift, something beyond our wildest dreams.

Prosperity Plus 1 and 2, Mary Morrissey, shares a path to attaining our wildest dreams. Prosperity principles laid out in steps and ideas to achieve our wildest dreams and desires The steps are relatively simple and repetitive. Faith in our inner knowing. Gratitude for what we have. Sharing our time, talent and treasure, listening to intuition and inner guidance. Following thru with our prayer practice and meditation time. Tending a prosperous heart. These steps are all part of Letting Go and Letting God.

Faith is the mustard seed behind all of this. Faith that even though I don’t understand the path, the answer the knowledge will come. Faith that tithing in times of the more month than money it will all work out. Faith that following Divine Guidance my highest good will be revealed and experienced. Let Go and Let God is the essence of faith and is living in a prosperous heart.

I sit up here tonight, talking about, “Letting Go and Letting God” recentering myself in these concepts in the midst of struggle with that which I talk about. This talk is a restatement of the Truth, with a capital T. The big truth is I need to Let Go and Let God do more often. I must release and follow. I must take one step at a time and not rush Divine Order. I must complete what is mine to do now and not worry about what is mine to do tomorrow

I have spent these past few months, stuck on struggle. What if just living one moment at a time is the truth of who I am? What if tomorrow will take care of itself? What if I Let Go and Let God? Do I really have a choice to be otherwise? The big truth here is Letting Go and Letting God is the nirvana. The peaceful countenance of a heart at peace.

Faith to Let Go and Let God is the Divine Order of life. Living from that place, one moment at a time is my calling. Taking baby steps, just as I breathe one breath at a time, just as my heart beats one beat at a time, I become unhealthy if I hyperventilate or my heart beats rapidly. I can become unhealthy in my life if I try to live more than one moment at a time. I must have faith that this moment is the most important moment in my life. I must have faith that Letting Go and Letting God that my tomorrow will work out just fine my only responsibility is this moment.

I would like to close tonight with a prayer, will you join me?

“As we take a deep breath in, we center in the Divine Order of this moment. We exhale into the universe all that is not ours to do. We Let Go and Let God together, knowing the absolute truth is God is Good and because we are Letting Go and Letting God and surrounded in truth and love of the universe we say together; Thank you God, Amen.”

Now let’s all take a one more deep breath in and exhale slowly.

Namaste

Doggy Troubles

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 12 Sep 2016 13:09:00 +0000

My Dog Stormy

Stormy is a big black Labrador. She loves to ride, run, walk, eat and sleep just like most dogs. She is usually a gentle giant. Stormy and I have a connection, trust and faith in each other and we can both be dangerous when we loose our cool.

Stormy hurt her sister yesterday. A much smaller dog. I won't say it was an accident, the situation that led to the behavior was an accident. A string of errors that lead to a moment of confusion that resulted in Stormy biting my husbands dog.

Owning a big dog means constant vigilance of their size, their behavior and the tension in the home. Our home this past weekend was high tension. Humans and drama, I hate drama, can be very dangerous when a large dog is in the home.

Our little dog will recover, but we had to find a vet on a Sunday. Enter into this saga, Sue Chen, DVM, MPWM of Veterinary Outreach. She saved my dog/human family on a Sunday morning. I did not panic but I was fearful of taking our small dog to an emergency clinic to be stitched and vetted on a Sunday. Emergency clinics for a dog is very expensive. The cost which is usually on a cash basis can be heartbreaking and bank breaking.

I met Sue Chen by chance, she owns the home across the street from us. We had a short conversation and she gave me her business card. She offered at the time to vaccinate and health check our dogs. I kept her card. I liked Sue when we met. She is friendly with a big smile that her heart and caring shows an shines from within, but money has been tight and time has been even tighter and I had not taken my dogs to her yet.

When this accident happened I did not panic. My husband and I took one step at a time. Taking care that everyone was safe, before we rushed our little ball of joy to the emergency clinic. I took time to think and I called Sue. Sue was ready and willing to help. I never asked about cost, I was pleased that she was willing to see our pet on a moments notice. I just knew the expense was going to be what it was and my husband and I would figure it out, maybe sell a kidney or something

I told Sue, what had happened, that I didn't think there were any broken bones, but our little one needed to be checked and stitched. We took her to Veterinary Outreach, the ranch is a pleasant place. the Bible verse

"Ask the animals, for they will teach you..." ~Job 12:7

is posted on the entrance gate as is the CETA foundation logo:

Sue met us with compassion, understanding and a beautiful heart as we showed her the damage to our baby girl. The wound was deep and ugly. Sue took our little one into the ranch and examined her. She agreed no broken bones just a nasty bite and bruising. We were all lucky on that account.

We left little one in Sue's care and went home to clean up after the accident in our home. Sue numbed the area with a local anesthetic cleaned the wound, stapled up our baby and called us a little while later. Our baby was ready to come home.

Sue's care and ability to work on our baby without putting her out, meant the cost was reduced. Out dog is not trying to recover from the trauma of the bite and all the nasty side affects of being chemically anesthetized. We were relieved to see our little baby happy to see us and ready to go home.

Sue Chan, DVM, MPVM,

5046 Midway Rd.

Vacaville, CA 95688

530-219-0580

suechandvm@sbcglobal.net

www.vetoutreach.net

Has my recommendation and heartfelt appreciation for her willingness to help in our crisis. She is now our vet.

Spirit leads us through situations for sometimes unforeseen reasons, I am grateful for Sue Chan and our little ones chance at a full recovery. I am also blessed that this Sunday accident did not send us into a week or more of financial struggle.

Thank you universe and Thank you Sue Chan, DVM, MPVM.

Transforming Self

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 14:26:00 +0000

Transformation is a moment to moment process. My current thought pattern is how to write a compelling, helpful book and create a website that shouts my truth. This process is exciting. I know my truth is that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I leave behind my depression, kidney disease and other ailments. This had led to my transformation into a healthy vibrant woman. Filled with hope and gratitude.

My first attempt at writing a transformation paper. Led to me going over old wounds and success. I began to delve into the life that brought me to the me I am in this moment. While all of that information is useful to know there was a process a life that created this life. When I began to pick up all of that clutter I developed a pain in my hands. This pain was not a momentary discomfort, it actually prohibited me from doing the things I love.

A friend of mine once asked me, "What are you not letting go of?" when pain had previously occurred in my hands. I remembered that conversation one night during my meditation time. I asked that question and the pain in my hands began to leave. I discovered that writing about the history behind my transformation I was picking up what I had let go.

My healing is the most important part of my story. My transformation is the most important part of my story. The details and history behind the suicide, the kidney disease, and the depression was the path but not the definition of the story. I did not need to pick up old stuff to write this paper. I have started over.

My suicide was the beginning of healing. My life transformed that night. I did not realize it at the time but that was the beginning of a miraculous journey to now. It was a baptism through fire, a rebirth of me and a slow process. I wish I could have received my knowledge without my journey taking that drastic of a turn but it did and I survived.

My kidney disease was an attempt to end this journey with out consciously doing the action to end my life. Depression and fear were still with me. I was still walking in fear and that fear materialized in my kidneys and liver. I was still trying to die. I was still holding on to my history and not moving forward in my life, my moment.

When I finally decided to live, I found myself destitute in spirit, financial, and love. I felt love for my husband, children and family but I could not give love. I still did not love myself. I was very broken. I believed in that moment I could never return. I was right. I could not return to the person I was. She did not exist in my now moment.

Slowly I learned. Slowly I took a step. I realized my health and happiness were gifts I could only give myself. I had to love myself to heal completely. Turning off the illness took time I began exercising for the release of the endorphin. That internal feel good hormone that we can only produce for ourselves. I began to eat better and make friends. I reached out the only place I had at the time the internet. I joined groups and I began to laugh and cry with other women.

The internet opened a door to connection. I had disconnect myself from everyone in my life and being able to sit a computer without having to dress and make a first impression with my physical body brought a freedom to express myself. That first step lead to me longing for real time connections. For the first time in my life I wanted to experience other people on an intellectual level. My relationships up until that point had been physical. I used my body to get the connection, but I was to scared to voice my thoughts. Confidence slowly began to build that my mind was worth sharing and I had value.

This is the beginning of my transformation story. I vow not to ruminate in the events of my life that led to that transformation. I vow to share the story of the transformation. The life I have now and the principles that led me to this moment.

Thoughts of the Evolution of Creation

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 02 May 2016 16:45:00 +0000

This morning my mind was wandering in typical Teresa Wilkinson style, while eating my breakfast. I was thinking about the un-publishing of The Phillamanteca: The Story of Jane. My creation my work for several years while I was beginning the healing process. The joyful sadness that I could take it down as I am past that point in my life. I am healed.

I was thinking of that process the years and time it took to get to this point. Then the idea of the evolution of creation came upon me. Cells forming a union, multiplying, dividing all working together to become something. The Divine Love behind that very small beginning. How our universe works and the miracle of the evolution of creation.

The cells above look like a piece of our universe when you compare the two.

Inside each of us is the beginning of a universe. Inside everything on our planet Earth is a smaller universe, and inside that is a cellular universe and on and on and on. If you go to Google Earth you can put in your address or any location and the program will zoom you in or out from that point with satellite imagery. This puts me in a different perspective.

I walk into my backyard and I have control over the plants that stay and grow and the ones that are pulled and die. I am the Divine Love that makes the decision in a moment of what is good and stays and what needs to perish for the greater good. Yet as I look at Google Earth and I think about the size of my domain the trees I affect, the flowers, vegetables and weeds that are in that domain. I realize just how small that domain truly is in perspective to the vast earth that is not my domain.

My individual Divine Love and Guidance is very very small, but very important to my well being and that of my family. I am not disparaging that my impact is minute. I am having an awe filled moment of the gift of life. The gift of our universe the wonder of cells uniting to create the world I am a piece of in this moment. This moment that is unlike the one just before it and the one that will come after it.

I believe in God a Divine Love and Creator of our universe. I believe that the power of Divine Love has a plan for us and how we choose to express ourselves is the rejection or acceptance of a preordained path that was in place when those tiny cells came together and became. Ranchers and farmers discovered that by breeding animals with desirable traits together you could manipulate the product of your herd line to an optimum level, to resist disease, have tender meat, produce larger quantities of milk or do what needed to be done. A stronger breed of oxen to pull the cart to town. A small cuddly dog to sit in a lap or a huge dog to protect the family and the little lap dog.

The evolution of creation has no limits, be it a human creator trying to make their domain stronger or friendlier or God, Divine Love, Spirit, there has to be a creator. Something that manipulates the stuff and encourages life to happen.

This is why I am who I am, this is why you are who you are. Divine Love is at work. There is, and I suppose always will be things, that are beyond my control that I do not understand. Sometimes it is the rebirth of a weed in my back yard. I know I pulled the complete root out. (pesky things) Sometimes it is the gift of surprise, (oops I didn't plan for that). I know miracles happen, at least to us they are miracles because we don't see how it was possible, but I believe that everything is a part of a Divine Plan, one I don't always understand. I believe there are tasks that are absolutely mine to do, things that were set in motion before I was born. I also believe I have choices and those choices determine the outcome of the Divine Plan.

I leave you with this: If you are feeling small today go look at the weed in your back yard and remember you have dominion over it. If you are feeling larger than life, maybe a little full of yourself or ego minded go to Google Earth and put yourself back in perspective. Remember the evolution of creation is inside you and surrounds you all day, every day for eternity.

Namaste

My Journey as a Writer

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sat, 30 Apr 2016 13:15:00 +0000

Hello Friends,

It has been a long while since I have posted to this blog. There is a lot of news to share.

I have experienced a spiritual awakening. This process began during my serious illness many years ago, but I am now admitting to myself, through reflection and living what my path was and is.

I am still a storyteller, but my stories have taken a turn. This was something I was unwilling to share, therefore I did not write on this public forum. My spirituality I walked in fear of sharing, for these past few years.Now, I have been guided now to share.

Tomorrow, May 1st, 2016, The Phillamanteca: The Story of Jane will no longer be available. The story, although it is a metaphor for a period in my life, does not reflect the complete story of me. I will always feel that with help and guidance I had the strength to save my self, as Jane did, but there is so much more to the story. I may elect to publish the novel again at a later date, but for now it is going into my personal archives.

The spiritual journey I have enjoyed through this lifetime is remarkable. I am learning how wonderful our universal energy is and the joy and sorrow, miracle of life is all part of the amazing journey. My awakening began as a child. I rejected it for many many years, now I am aligning with my true calling and I am renewed to share.

Blessings and Namaste,

Teresa Wilkinson

I am Renewed

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 16:26:00 +0000

I am here to tell a story. I am Teresa the storyteller. I am Teresa Wilkinson. I am Teresa Meadows. This morning I became I am Renewed.

I started my morning waking from the deepest sleep, refreshed, happy, and fulfilled. My guidance told me to drive through the rain and spend time with my Mother. She was so happy to be awakened by me. My heart filled with joy to be received by love. Forgiveness has lead to a Mothers love, an experience I celebrate.

Driving back I received my name, Renewed.

I am Renewed with every breath I breathe. I breathe in peace and exhale love. My mustard seed faith brought me here. The Christ light within me was the beacon that showed the way. I am Renewed. I am the soulful being of love, created by Divine Intelligence.

I am approaching 2016, with guidance from within and from the universe. I will journey forward as Renewed. Guided by Divine Intelligence and Love.

Affirmation "I go forth in the name of love."

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 25 Jun 2015 12:38:00 +0000

Baptism

I go forth in the name of love.

My first experience with baptism was April 10th, 1977. I was baptized with love in my heart for my parents whom told me this was mine to do. I did it with love in my heart for my church community at the time. I did it with absolute trust that although my 5th grade mind did not understand the complexity of the Christian baptism, I did it anyway. After all my mother made me a very special yellow dress for that Easter Sunday occasion.

My baptism was based on the scripture quote from Acts 2:38

“Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your

sins;and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

I was confused some by the literal translation of this scripture and trying to remember how much sin I had committed as an eleven year old child. I went to my father expressing my confusion and he encouraged me to follow my heart.

I followed my heart through out my life and I found the metaphysical definition of baptism works best for me.

Charles Fillmores, “The Revealing Word”, defines

Baptism, The spiritual cleansing of the mind.

My understanding of baptism now happens often. I would even venture to say baptism happens daily as I travel through some events in this current journey. Metaphysical baptism is a release. I follow my faith within to the expression of God within me, I release all of my stress and worries over to the universe and breathe in the peace and joy that is around me for I know that my highest good is the expression of God the Good. During times when I am uncertain and I turn to faith and follow my gut intuition I am baptised in the metaphysical definition of baptism.

There are times my human experience is confusing, I begin to doubt, have fear and question my path. I wonder whom am I really expressing, is it ego or higher consciousness. I wonder am I truly expressing my current highest good, I doubt who I am.

I usually become doubt filled directly after I have lost patience with those I love.

That seems simple. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but when I am studying grabbing a few moments of peace for meditation or prayer and I am interrupted I become frustrated, I react with a curt tone or unfavorable response to my loved ones and I doubt my path. How can I express my highest good, when I can not keep patience with those I cherish? Am I expressing the Best Christ I can be?

After these moments, I need a metaphysical baptism. I need a spiritual cleansing of the mind. I need to realize my Truth. I combat my doubt by baptising my mind and spirit with affirmations “I go forth in the name of love.”, I pray and meditate, I forgive and I emerge clean, spirit filled, and purified. I am at peace and I begin again. If I find myself reacting adversely 5 minutes later I excuse myself and do it again. Hence my mentioning sometimes I have to be baptised several times a day.

This spiritual being having a human experience, has to remind herself this is my journey. I understand the metaphysical definition of baptism and the love it gives me a clearer understanding of that I am the bearer of peace and love. I can forgive, just as I am forgiven, I can love for I am loved, I can experience a spiritual cleansing of my mind at any time in any place.”I am baptized in the name of love and I go forth, as Jesus did, to be love, compassion, and kindness in the world.” quoted from June 24, 2015 Daily Word.

Namaste

The Spirit I Knew as Jan

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 21:43:00 +0000

My friend made her transition in early June. The loss devastated me in many ways. I was lost for a little bit, afraid and lonesome. Then the universe opened up to me. The following is my memorial to Jan. I miss her but I now see. I will always love, Jan.

My friend Jan made her transition June 11, 2014. My reaction that day was strong pain, tears of sorrow and wondering what was I suppose to do now, my mentor was out of reach. That day I was inconsolable. I have been told that being selfish during grief is human and to experience the feelings and honor my feelings. Now I can move forward and share with you my friend the ‘Spirit Known as Jan’.

Jan was joyful, beautiful, intelligent, worldly, and kind. I shared with Jan that I had become the insect disposer at work. Her reaction was “Oh, Teresa don’t kill them. Tell me you are not killing the bugs?” My vegetarian concerned with all beings in our world the consummate giver of unconditional love and peace to all beings human and other. This was my friend. I don’t think I will ever look at a bug or anything the same way after my short experience with Jan.

My Mother and I spent the Sunday afternoon before her transition with Jan. I will forever be happy for that time. She let me teach her how to build folders using Windows 7. She giggled with joy as she successfully transported files into folders. We talked and visited for 4 hours that day, during the time the subject went to her transition. Selfishly I told her she couldn't go she had too much to teach me. I changed the subject looking around her apartment wanting to ask questions about this and that. I have hundreds of questions.

When I began to receive the calling to become a minister Jan was the second person I told. I trusted her with my secrets, my loves, my joys, my pains and all things I about myself. Jan understood me. The subject came up once about super powers. A few days later after contemplation and meditation I proclaimed my super power was love. She was thrilled and agreed but she shared there was so much more to me. Jan saw all my possibilities, she encouraged me, loved me and cherished me. She kept reminding me, when life attacked that I was called to be a minister. Jan believed in me.

Jan never scolded or corrected me. I went to her with a trouble, something that had wounded me deeply. Jan had me create a list of the things that brought me joy. There was no particular order to the list just a list of things that brought me joy. I brought the list to her and I was laughing upon review my husband was not on my quickly made list. Jan brought to my attention that I had not included myself on the list either. “Do you not give yourself joy?” Jan asked me. I don’t think I answered that question, but it gave me so much to consider. I am taking steps to enjoy just being me.

The very last memory I have of Jan is beautiful. I realized how late is was our visit had lasted 4 hours. My husband would be looking for me, dinner was not ready and oh boy was I going to be late. Jan said, “I am really glad you joined the choir. I love your voice and energy up there. You know my kids begged me not to sing. I don’t have the breath control and just can’t sing, but I dated an opera singer for a time and he taught me how to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ in staccato.” Jan sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me as I left. I was serenaded by my friend the sound was beautiful. Her face smiling beaming in joy.

Jan’s love overflowed her physical being in her human form. Her spirit filled the room with laughter and joy. June the eleventh I thought, I was afraid, her spirit was gone that I would never experience her again. I was wrong. My memories bring her to me. The wisdom she shared with me is always with me. Her jokes, teasing remarks and unconditional love for me is forever within me. Jan was a mentor and a mother spirit to me. I feel her joy and love fill me daily when I need a hug or a nudge her spirit is alive.

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: To Journal My Journey: Manifesting a Miracle

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:01:00 +0000

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: To Journal My Journey: Manifesting a Miracle

To Journal My Journey: Manifesting a Miracle

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 00:11:00 +0000

Hello Friends,

My hiatus from updating this blog has been long and is now at an end. I appreciate those whom have patiently waited my return. Here I am whole and complete ready to share another journey.

First let me begin with a medical definition. Angiomyolipoma is a fatty benign tumor on the kidney. It is not life threatening. It can be uncomfortable and there is danger of internal bleeding when the tumor begins to grow over 4 cm. The bleeding can be dangerous and painful.

My angiomyolipoma tumor was discovered in 2009 on my right kidney. Since that time it is now 4 cm in size and could begin to bleed. My doctor decided it was time to consider removing this tumor and the surgery was scheduled for 03/21/2014. The surgery has been cancelled. I am relieved and happy about the cancellation of the surgery.

I had a bad feeling about this surgery. I felt it was a bad decision and that transition was imminent if I went under anesthesia. I am at peace so I was following the doctors and my families suggestions that I followed the steps to proceed with the surgery. The hospital rescued me from surgery. My deductible has a balance of $771.03 to be met. We do not have that money available to us at this moment, therefore surgery is cancelled.

I have been studying The Unity Movement. The founders of this movement Myrtle and Charles Fillmore are inspirational. I find the story of Myrtle Fillmore especially thrilling given my present circumstance. Myrtle Fillmore manifested her own miracle and cured herself from tuberculosis. She united her mind, body and spiritual self and manifested a miracle. My brief description above is an over simplification of her actions and journey, but it is the gist of what I intend to do.

My life as of today is not in jeopardy. I am active with my doctors and health care professionals. I am not abandoning modern medicine. I am choosing to be active in my healing. I am choosing to pursue a miracle. I choosing to do something the medical community says can not be done. I am choosing to have my body rid itself of this tumor made of fatty tissue. If in the mean time it begins to bleed I will go to the hospital and have it surgically removed during emergency surgery. If I save the $771.03 in the mean time I will schedule the surgery. God could manifest a miracle by showing me the money. I have no control over the means of a miracle, but I am going to try and manifest my own miracle that this tumor is eliminated from my body.

I will be chronicling my journey here just as I did with my battle with depression, homelessness and following my husband across the United States. I will soon be posting pictures of my prayer and meditation garden. My hope is to help someone else. To inspire someone else to pursue the path less traveled and look for the hope faith brings.

Love

Teresa

Many Talents

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 29 Sep 2013 14:15:00 +0000

The story of the coat of many colors is playing through my head this morning. The message of being thankful for what we receive is prominent. I am thankful that I have many talents. I can accomplish just about anything that comes my way inside my home, family and life, challenges be ware. I have a good tool set both physically and mentally. This is a gift the ability to create things from cloth, wood, or seeds. I understand that and I am so very thankful for it.

My problem how do I take my gift and make a living. My mothers time on earth will be over and I am unprepared to supplement my family income she provides. I am trying not to panic about the possibility of my mother no longer being with me. I have been her elder care giver for 11 years, change could be on the horizon tomorrow or in another 10 years. I have no way of knowing when God will call her home. She is 84 years old and dependent on my care to survive as I am her income. So again I need to prepare for my next step in life.

Accepting reality understanding that all things life change is important. I feel this is the time for me to make decisions as to how I am going to support my end of our family. What am I going to do to supplement our survival? Sew, write, cook, clean what am I going to do? My many gifts, my many loves, my talents are my God given coat of many colors. I am very thankful but so confused on which path to take.

Praying for guidance, health and purity of thought.

The Money Pickle

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Tue, 24 Sep 2013 14:41:00 +0000

November last year my Mother was released from a Hospice Care facility. A miracle that she survived indeed. I am thankful that we have added time to know each other and for me to learn many lessons.

The care level for my Mother is not simple. Constant repetitive questions that change daily depending on her mood. Moments of anger, moments of activity, moments of confusion are all a part of our day. She is a fall risk and requires routine much like a toddler. A stroke in 2002 shortly after the death of my younger brother Robert brought us to this place in life. She does not remember my brother that part of her mind wiped clean as a slate. I am thankful for that, sometimes dementia brings gifts that prevent us from suffering.

Approximately a month ago, my former employer asked if I would like to come back to work part time. My husband and I discussed it and away I went, back into sales. The care for my mother to have someone in our home to replace me cost us $1000.00 a week. I saw this as a challenge instead of a red flag and I still set forth to get back to work. Two weeks later I realized that the red flag had turned into a big red blinking beacon and I once again resigned my position. $2000.00 poorer for my efforts.

The money pickle began. This is not something we can not recover from it will take time. I am not hopeless in this situation. There is light at the end of the rainbow. Unity of the Valley is having a craft fair December 7. My daughter makes wonderful bracelets and my mother in law creates fabulous jewelry and I am going to make up some aprons, so we are participating in this event. My mother can attend this event so no day care will be needed. Now I just need the funds and to find reasonable material to create my craft. The money pickle, to make money you need money. I know this so well.

Here we go again, struggling out of a pickle, one bite at a time. I have hope. I have faith. My family will survive this money pickle.

Monday: Cleaning Day

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 14:19:00 +0000

"Get up kids it is time to clean. If you don't have a job or school you have to help Momma clean."

I wish the simple utterance of the sentence above would succeed in calling my child to service. Can you see me on my strong powerful vacuum, waving my dust rag valiantly above my head, a mop and broom as my side arms. A war on clutter, dirt and germs. So simple, so courageous yet so hard to motivate others to help.

I have always been the one to do it herself instead of requesting the help of others. Opening my mouth to plead my case or demand service is just not me. This has been a life long problem for me.
The first child that came to live with me, was a lot like me. He did not speak much and found it easier if he saw a task to be done he did it. I never had to nag for help. I miss him, but as children do he grew up and moved on successfully into his own life.

Now I have troops to rally. My own son. He helps with yard work, but the inside escapes his vision. Once in a while he will dry the dishes or pick up misplaced trash, but voluntarily scrubbing the bath tub, nope. He is happy to bathe in a coat of germ film surrounding his feet as he showers the other more precious parts of his body. My daughter is the same. I get a hardy, "Thank You" when I clean the tub to bathe my Mother, but my children find that putting their own hands and scrubbing the germs away just to gross.

Funny thing is, I work to kill the germs by cleaning and getting up and personal with them in this war of household chores and I rarely get sick. Could it be that be being the fearsome lady with the disinfectant and sponge the germs fear me and run from me in defeat? Am I my own white knight protecting us from disease that the germs run from and fear to attack?

The above paragraph cracks me up. I am sitting here in a leopard print robe, drinking coffee, my hair carelessly pulled into a scrunchy. I am not the image I would behold in my minds eye of a soldier or a knight in shining armor. Yet here I go bound by destiny to clean the grime that builds up in a week in my home.

Oh and here I go to rouse a sleeping teenager to either get a job or join the troops of cleaning.

Accepting Your Calling

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 16 Sep 2013 14:11:00 +0000

Yesterday I wrote about accepting myself. Today I am writing about accepting your calling. The Service at our church yesterday was about filling your calling. Gods call to your soul to do or pursue an activity or idea. Sometimes I feel the services are molded to my current mindset, thought patterns, and or dreams each week. Is Reverend Dalia visiting my mind? I jest. Yet still do you ever find that what you need to be reiterated in your mind is confirmed through someone else.

A church service seems to be a good place for God to speak to one. I have had the confirmation of ideas come to me in unusual sources as well. A television show, a column, or maybe even a stranger in a grocery line have all been sources of confirmation of ideas at different times in my life. It is so important to listen to the world around us. To be open to the confirmation of a calling, a gentle reinforcement of the idea you already know to be the truth.

Today I keep moving forward in my life. Living one day at a time in a forward motion, fulfilling my life, my calling. Which is a big job. At this moment I am hearing the dogs needing to go out, my mother finishing her coffee, and Kayla getting ready for school. I have already made lunches. Soon I will prepare my Mother breakfast. My days are routine mixed with chaos and I love those around me and my life.

We will be traveling to Union City today my Mother and I to return my samples. I am looking forward to saying Goodbye to my friends there at the warehouse. I am hoping to meet a friend for a picnic lunch on our way home. Celebrating the acceptance of who I am.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 15 Sep 2013 15:21:00 +0000

I was recently contacted by a former employer to return to work. I was excited. The romance of a former employer enjoying my performance as a worker and wanted me to return was a self confidence builder. The reason I had left my position was to care for my Mother. That need had not changed, I found a reputable organization to care for her in our home and I returned to work. I was not successful in this venture, but this is not a story of failure it is instead a valued lesson of self acceptance.

I am a mother, an elder caregiver and a nurturer. My role is not conducive to corporate America. Years ago when I was young and trying to figure out who I wanted to be or what/who I thought society thought I should be I rebelled against myself. I sought an exciting life of corporate America. Now I see that my life kept pulling back to elder care giver, mother because that is who I truly am.

The thought of not being an executive or an entrepreneur the romantic ideal I had for such endeavours was hard to let go. Fear was the culprit, I saw my Grandma Mabel struggle at the end of her life with financial hardship. I thought she was poor, but now I see her as rich. If I had asked her what she thought of her life, maybe she saw herself as rich also. She was not independent or free from relying family to help her. She was happy, tending her roses and lawn, feeding her ducks, chickens, cats and dogs. She was happy taking care of me and my brother. She was happy watching us grow, protecting us and loving us.

I am no longer afraid to be my version of Grandma Mabel. I am Momma or Mama T depending on which child you are. I am Teresa to my Mother. I am relied on for nurturing, bathing, caring and loving. I am a loved and cherished wife. My life is full. I may not be rich with financial wealth but I am rich with knowledge of who I am and I am full of love. I am finally satisfied to say I am who I was meant to be, who God intended me to be. I am at peace.

Surprise Flower

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 18 Jul 2013 15:03:00 +0000

I have a welcome addition to my flowers and gardens.

She is beautiful!

Writing and Storytelling

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 17:52:00 +0000

I have been on a hiatus from a craft that I love. The journey of the past several months has been soul revealing. I have learned a lot about myself and those closes to me. Such as what is mine to correct and letting go of that which is not. I have taken on too much and learned to back off gracefully.

Yes, it has been a journey of finding my center. I find it amazing. Here I have been consciously seeking balance. I know the recipe for my balance. Yet, I can backslide. I very easily settle back into the old habits, the old thinking, the old ways of me. The ones that are detrimental to my well being.

I have once again become my Mothers elder care provider. She first moved in with me in 2002 after she suffered a stroke. When my mental state deteriorated and depression took me over in 2006 through 2011, my mothers health deteriorated as well and she was placed in hospice. My Mother survived Hospice and I survived my depression now we are living together again.

Don and I are doing well in our marriage. We have adjusted to living a stationary lifestyle and we are learning household management together. This makes me happy. I am overjoyed to have Don by my side as a partner. He is a blessing.

I have written a new novel, which I am editing and polishing now. Working once again at the craft that I love. I also have a passion for gardening and sewing. I am intending to begin sharing my endeavors and projects with those as well.

I want to take a moment to thank my patient readers who have waited for me to pass through this growing stage and begin writing again.

Thank you.

Hello Again

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 17:18:00 +0000

Exciting news in the Wilkinson Household. My mother has been released from hospice care and is living with Don and I. I have a new laptop. Don has a job in Vacaville and is home every night. We are blessed, so very blessed I have learned so much this past year. I am standing amazed.

I must admit I was terrified to be the primary care giver for my mother again. That change was sudden and unexpected by me. I have risen to the occasion though. I have learned that forgiveness is beneficial to the forgiver and not so much for the forgiven. My mother and I have a lot of issues she has forgotten all of those now. I am have not forgotten, but I have forgiven, and in the wake of forgiveness I found peace.

Don is home permanently. He accepted a new position driving for a cryogenics company. He is home every night. The pay is well and our goals are in reach. I am so proud of him. He has adjusted well to home life and being part of a family full time.

We are all adjusting to our new lifestyle. Living on the truck with Don for a year gave me time to reach a perspective of clarity. I understand now my purpose, our goals, and who I am. If you follow this blog regularly you will see a change in my perspective and how I define myself. My intention is to be committed to you my readers and write on a regular basis. Stay tuned here we go on a new adventure.

Love,

Teresa

Almost Christmas, Almost a New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 17:23:00 +0000

"Here I am the end of 2012."

It seems unreal and to real for 2012 to be over. I know my writing life and my blogging took the road untraveled this year. I am optimistic that 2013 will find life art friendly.

2012 I began homeless, living with my good friend Collette Ellsworth. I put my mind to work though and I found employment.. Shortly there after I found a place to live. When October arrived this year, my husband Don excepted a job in Vacaville and we are living together in a home.

My mother has been removed from Hospice care and is living with me full time again. So I am once again a full time elder care giver and homemaker. Wow what a big circle I traveled.

I have decided to quit fighting the path that keeps appearing before me. I am meant to be a mommy and caregiver. I am meant to be a wife.

Good Morning from Vacaville

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Fri, 18 May 2012 11:44:00 +0000

Good Mornin Friends!

I heard recently that I have been missed. My absence from the blogging world though will soon end. Sunday the internet will be set up in my home. I have so much to share. Writing though from a tablet is difficult, not impossible.

Thank you to everyone for the kind inquiries. The best news is I and my children are no longer homeless. Pictures to post soon. So watch for Mondays post!

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: Working for a Living and No Time to Write!

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:02:00 +0000

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: Working for a Living and No Time to Write!

Working for a Living and No Time to Write!

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:57:00 +0000

That is the definition of my time and my life at the moment. Taking time to write after working all day has been a bit frustrating. I miss my friends and writing, I miss my husband and my free time to create. My creative side is longing to get to the white background of Microsoft word and let my mind and words carry me away into the oblivion of an erotic romance or life altering dilemma of my imaginary characters. Real life has taken precedence over my imaginary life.

I am happy though. This happiness and contentment that I am experiencing seems to be lasting longer and maybe a bit more grounded than any happiness I have experienced in a long time. It is different from the momentary exhilaration of endorphins I experience from a good review of, “The Phillamanteca; The Story of Jane”. This happiness is deeper and fulfilling.

This experience is rich with emotion and my goals are becoming focused. It is my thinking that once my routine is completely modified and my lifestyle tames to a norm, my writing will fall into place and I will be a better writer.

New experiences give us tools to draw on and emotions to use and translate into written words for our readers to experience or identify. I look forward to relating this experience into my novels. Work on the next book will continue shortly and my creative juices will flow once again. In the mean time, I hope this little post regarding my welfare and life lets my readers know I am alive and well. Please watch for posts of new stories of blog entries as I learn how to balance my new life.

Safety

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:29:00 +0000

I forget Vallejois a city. I was raised in the country. I am used to waking up before dawn and walking, exercising, or working in the hours before dawn. This is a normal activity for me. I know some of you are laughing and thinking ‘Not Normal’, but it was the lifestyle of my grandmother and that lifestyle has dominated my life.

This morning I set my alarm for 5 AM thinking that Stormy and I could be out of the house on our walk to the dog park by 6 AM. Guess what it is still extremely dark outside. The first rays of morning light have not begun to show. I was in the back yard being quiet and watching the city lights below and I realized that danger was lurking within those lights.

I am not on a farm. I am sad to say there are folks out there that will do Stormy and I harm. I am or we would be a victim of opportunity walking in the dark to play in the early morning darkness. This realization is not negative thinking but a realization that I must be safe with my being and Stormy. It is my responsibility to keep us both safe and not enter into a situation that could be harmful.

Now I sit here, Stormy is trying to be patient. She is curled up beside me occasionally heaving heavy sighs of boredom. My faithful dog does not understand the delay. So here we sit all broken hearted waiting for first light.