Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller

Hello Again

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 17:18:00 +0000

Exciting news in the Wilkinson Household. My mother has been released from hospice care and is living with Don and I. I have a new laptop. Don has a job in Vacaville and is home every night. We are blessed, so very blessed I have learned so much this past year. I am standing amazed.

I must admit I was terrified to be the primary care giver for my mother again. That change was sudden and unexpected by me. I have risen to the occasion though. I have learned that forgiveness is beneficial to the forgiver and not so much for the forgiven. My mother and I have a lot of issues she has forgotten all of those now. I am have not forgotten, but I have forgiven, and in the wake of forgiveness I found peace.

Don is home permanently. He accepted a new position driving for a cryogenics company. He is home every night. The pay is well and our goals are in reach. I am so proud of him. He has adjusted well to home life and being part of a family full time.

We are all adjusting to our new lifestyle. Living on the truck with Don for a year gave me time to reach a perspective of clarity. I understand now my purpose, our goals, and who I am. If you follow this blog regularly you will see a change in my perspective and how I define myself. My intention is to be committed to you my readers and write on a regular basis. Stay tuned here we go on a new adventure.

Love,

Teresa

Almost Christmas, Almost a New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 17:23:00 +0000

"Here I am the end of 2012."

It seems unreal and to real for 2012 to be over. I know my writing life and my blogging took the road untraveled this year. I am optimistic that 2013 will find life art friendly.

2012 I began homeless, living with my good friend Collette Ellsworth. I put my mind to work though and I found employment.. Shortly there after I found a place to live. When October arrived this year, my husband Don excepted a job in Vacaville and we are living together in a home.

My mother has been removed from Hospice care and is living with me full time again. So I am once again a full time elder care giver and homemaker. Wow what a big circle I traveled.

I have decided to quit fighting the path that keeps appearing before me. I am meant to be a mommy and caregiver. I am meant to be a wife.

Good Morning from Vacaville

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Fri, 18 May 2012 11:44:00 +0000

Good Mornin Friends!

I heard recently that I have been missed. My absence from the blogging world though will soon end. Sunday the internet will be set up in my home. I have so much to share. Writing though from a tablet is difficult, not impossible.

Thank you to everyone for the kind inquiries. The best news is I and my children are no longer homeless. Pictures to post soon. So watch for Mondays post!

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: Working for a Living and No Time to Write!

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:02:00 +0000

Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller: Working for a Living and No Time to Write!

Working for a Living and No Time to Write!

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:57:00 +0000

That is the definition of my time and my life at the moment. Taking time to write after working all day has been a bit frustrating. I miss my friends and writing, I miss my husband and my free time to create. My creative side is longing to get to the white background of Microsoft word and let my mind and words carry me away into the oblivion of an erotic romance or life altering dilemma of my imaginary characters. Real life has taken precedence over my imaginary life.

I am happy though. This happiness and contentment that I am experiencing seems to be lasting longer and maybe a bit more grounded than any happiness I have experienced in a long time. It is different from the momentary exhilaration of endorphins I experience from a good review of, “The Phillamanteca; The Story of Jane”. This happiness is deeper and fulfilling.

This experience is rich with emotion and my goals are becoming focused. It is my thinking that once my routine is completely modified and my lifestyle tames to a norm, my writing will fall into place and I will be a better writer.

New experiences give us tools to draw on and emotions to use and translate into written words for our readers to experience or identify. I look forward to relating this experience into my novels. Work on the next book will continue shortly and my creative juices will flow once again. In the mean time, I hope this little post regarding my welfare and life lets my readers know I am alive and well. Please watch for posts of new stories of blog entries as I learn how to balance my new life.

Safety

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:29:00 +0000

I forget Vallejo is a city. I was raised in the country. I am used to waking up before dawn and walking, exercising, or working in the hours before dawn. This is a normal activity for me. I know some of you are laughing and thinking ‘Not Normal’, but it was the lifestyle of my grandmother and that lifestyle has dominated my life.

This morning I set my alarm for 5 AM thinking that Stormy and I could be out of the house on our walk to the dog park by 6 AM. Guess what it is still extremely dark outside. The first rays of morning light have not begun to show. I was in the back yard being quiet and watching the city lights below and I realized that danger was lurking within those lights.

I am not on a farm. I am sad to say there are folks out there that will do Stormy and I harm. I am or we would be a victim of opportunity walking in the dark to play in the early morning darkness. This realization is not negative thinking but a realization that I must be safe with my being and Stormy. It is my responsibility to keep us both safe and not enter into a situation that could be harmful.

Now I sit here, Stormy is trying to be patient. She is curled up beside me occasionally heaving heavy sighs of boredom. My faithful dog does not understand the delay. So here we sit all broken hearted waiting for first light.

Learning Joy from Stormy’s Spirit

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 15:02:00 +0000

What is it? Stormys’ spirit could be defined as Energy, Vitality, Puppyhood. I know personally that Stormys’ spirit has created happiness, love, and warmth in my spirit. She is my unconditional love bug.

I have unconditional love all around me in human form my husband and children give me that love as do my friends, but the unconditional love of Stormy is different. Stormy is always happy, grateful, and ready to play, excited to see me and never lets a bad day affect her emotions. Oh to be a dog!

Is the reflection of the flash the result of her electric spirit?

Wouldn't it be grand to live a life that is continually happy and satisfying no matter the situation? I think it would be marvelous, but I am a human so how do I learn from Stormy her secret to happiness? She doesn’t worry about tomorrow or retirement. She doesn’t worry that the bills won’t be paid or that recession is getting better or worse. She doesn’t worry about children and their life choices she doesn’t worry about me or my life choices. She just lets things be. She trusts things will be good and life will go on.

I practice to be like Stormy. I strive to ride out life being happy grabbing the joy in every moment instead of the worry. I use Stormys’ influence to better my own spirit and work for that inner peace she shares with me. I am learning a lot from my dog. I am learning to let things be and release what is not in my control. That said I am also learning to stop trying to control everything around me.

I Refuse to Indulge in Negative Thinking

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 21:06:00 +0000

Monday, January 2, 2012
I will not be held hostage by negative thinking. I refuse to indulge in it. – United Centers for Spiritual Living http://www.unitedcentersforspiritualliving.org/weekly/

No one ever said change was easy. The fact of the matter is I was raised in a family that continually proved indulging in a bad habit or activity will bite you in the figurative ass every time. Thus proving that considering your actions thoroughly was a wise use of time and effort.

How does negative thinking work into a bad habit and how can one abuse careful consideration of scenarios and situations into a bad habit of negative thinking? I really can not tell you how I twisted one into the other, but I am the queen of processing into the negative.

When I was a child during my school yard days I would mull and ponder every negative comment. I would digest, devour and try to figure out why any particular thing was said. I continued this endeavor of negative vibrations through out my adult life. I would pass the positive as polite conversation and dissect the negative comment as the truth.

I still struggle with the negative. I am my own worst critique, therefore I must be very careful of the relationships I keep and the acquaintances I make. Knowing what I will do with negativity I have eliminated negative people from my life. I have no room to be deconstructed by negative words and comments. I have my life to live and enjoy.

The quote above reminds me I have the strength to move forward and be a healthy happy individual. I will not be held hostage by negative thinking or negative people.

The Light Within

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 15:17:00 +0000

I need to meditate. I am looking for the light inside myself, but for some reason the warmth and light I find within myself is dimmed at the time being. It is not depression, which is usually the cause of my lack of warmth. I just don’t feel very well. My concentration seems to be inhibited.

I know the cure for this is to just relax and concentrate. Sometimes though doing that very thing is a struggle. I can not get the inner being to quiet the mind and still the aching joints to build the warmth and light within myself to heal myself. My inner spirit is being dysfunctional.

Since I know the reason to the problem, I should be able to fix it. I suppose since I have written it here, the problem and the solution perhaps it will be a little easier to get where I need to be to cure what ails my spirit. I am going to sit back and relax, close my eyes and go to the green pastures and rolling hills and oak trees of my unconscious mind. I am going to feel the sun and the clean air surround my body and penetrate my being with its healing strength. I am going to go to place where I heal myself and accept the goodness of mother earth around me.

Facebook, Google+ and Twitter Give Me Your Ears!

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 21:36:00 +0000

NO! The first ear I get in the mail I will send to the police. I do not want your ears, I want you to listen. I am a creative soul. I always thought knowledge was power, but given the current state of my three accounts and the negativity that seems to abound there I am beginning to doubt that is true.

The information age has come and opinions run amuck. I have received posts and messages from Newt Gingrich being a new Hitler to our President being the anti-christ. I can not take anymore information. It is slowly killing my creative spirit.

I am hereby warning all of my Facebook friends, Twitter followers and Google plus circles if you post negative comments about another group of people I will unfollow, unfreind or remove you from my circle. This creative chick can not take the negative bullshit.

Happy Holidays! Teresa Wilkinson

You have 24 hours to comply or I bid you good bye.

Am I a Genius or Is it the Diagrams?

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:54:00 +0000

I have to share this funny story. Don and I recently bought a tool in which neither of us had any experience with and we needed to read the instruction manual to educate our selves to the proper usage of said tool. I read the instructions and idea suggestions aloud as we traveled down the quiet Montana Highway 90. Don was not distracted by traffic but when you are listening to instructions, sometimes things get lost in translation. So with that in mine the following conversation occurred between us after I had finished reading aloud the instructions.

Now I have picked up the tool and I do as the instructions say and put it together as directed.

Don says, “That is not how that goes. That loop needs to be on top.”

My response, “Yet it is. The loop for the lead hangs below the neck not at the top of the head.” Picking up the tool and showing him on my arm that “See V for victory, L shape means to Loose”

In my typical smart ass voice, “Did you not listen to the instructions?”

He did not answer just a look of frustration on his face. That look told me he was not feeling very smart at the moment. In his defense my husband is extremely smart about following instructions and I did not want him feeling this way. I quickly added realizing that I had the benefit of the visual graphics while reading said instructions.“It is exactly the way the pictures in the diagram shows it to be.”

He gave me another look of frustration.

So I add, “Would you rather I just let you think your wife is a genius and can a whole lot more out of the written word than another human being alive?”

Don started laughing.

Wordless Wednesday December 14, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 15:52:00 +0000

Spinning

Sometimes you just have to stop and spin for awhile.

Writing and Glorious Imagination

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:45:00 +0000

My escape is writing. My characters develop on the screen before me and I envelope myself in their lives. This entertainment allows me to feel without self judgment. I can let a character be evil and experience the anger of a tortured soul or I can let a character be good and thoughtful and experience the joy of knowledge and thought brings. I can also explore or express my ideas of the afterlife, spirits or things I wonder about as we travel down these roads and feelings or images cross my mind.

I have to wonder that as I look out across our United States if the images that conjure within my mind are my own. Is this truly my imagination or a spiritual connection of some type? Am I connecting with the spirits of others dreams and fears as we travel from pickup to drop location? I wonder.

It is a fact that we experience or use very little of our human brains. That there are sections or parts of our consciousness we do not use. I believe some know how to connect with our undiscovered talents. I have read science fiction novels and seen movies that alluded to the idea that we would become pure energy if we tapped these regions and used our complete brain.

The need for food, water a working body would be filled and satisfied with a fully working brain and an altered state of being would be ours. Can you imagine a world where wounds are healed from the mind? Can you imagine a world without greed or evil?

I find this hard to imagine, yet I imagine that good plain of consciousness all the time. A true connection between mind and spirit leading to a simple existence would be heaven for me. Albert Einstein understood math and infinity. His genius level mind understood that consciousness was infinite. He also understood that most of us had not way to conceptualize infinity. That human’s had to define and box everything into neat little packages in order to understand or control their reality.

I at my present position in life have little of no control over my reality. The little I do control is set to a basic routine and is package quite neatly. I appreciate and I am comfortable with the routine. My mind can handle the basic routine that is laid out for me. While I may have my reality boxed neatly into a comfort zone and my needs are met nicely, I wonder if these neat little packages inhibit my conscious mind or enable me to experience my imagination. Giving me the time to think about spiritual and mind body connections.

Changing Your Attitude

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 16:20:00 +0000

I woke up this morning feeling melancholy. Maybe a little lost is a good way to describe this feeling too. Our morning routine was thrown a look by Miss Stormy and Mia, plus Don woke up with a headache and I did not get the best night of sleep either. The human portion of this love truck was grumpy all the way around. The animal side of this equation of course is the same personality day in and day out they are happy.

My two dogs are momentarily puzzled when corrected, but they shake it off and move back into happy. Is this ability to about face to grab the good a divine intervention for animals? I don’t have an answer for that. All I have is an example of how life should be from my dogs.

Shake off the momentary trouble and find the good.

Creative Writing and My Chief Editing Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:56:00 +0000

I have written over 5000 words in the past two days. I look at that number and I am amazed at myself. My creative juices seem to be at an all time high. I am trying some new things with this story. Number one it is not how I felt about my life at anytime. #2 I am free flowing this story. I am not editing as I go, I learned from Nanowrimo last month that free flowing a rough draft is a good thing. I am not picking my characters apart and worrying myself with grammatical errors. I am just writing.

This technique has sparked a creative writing extravaganza with in me. I am concerned I may write something and have the grammatical errors so grave that I may not be able to figure out what I was trying to say. Yes this does happen to me, but I suppose it will work itself out.

The New Draft Novel Editor

I had to bring in a new character to this story this week too. That left me with some decisions to make that I could not solve without stopping and sleeping on it. I woke up with an idea of a new female detective named Joan Van Wells. I knew who she was and her background. I wrote her introduction paragraphs and my dog unplugged my computer.

The battery on my lap top is non-working and since I had not clicked save and auto save is a 5 minute variable. I lost everything I wrote to introduce Joan. This was an omen so to speak. I as sat giving Stormy the attention she needed the idea that Joan was not the right character struck me. I opted to bring one of Jane’s offspring into the story. Connecting my the two novels into a series. I retired Jane, Sam, William and Christine but their children and grandchildren shall live on.

So Stormy effectively put Joan on the back burner for awhile. Maybe she will pop up in another novel. Maybe she will come to life in a short story. Strange how characters develop or don’t develop.

The Phillamanteca; The Story of Jane

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 15:12:00 +0000

SAVE 15%

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Internal Discovery

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 16:28:00 +0000

I have a friend whom told me I have a Daddy Complex. I being totally honest with myself I will admit yes I do. I want my man to be strong and confident. I want him to take care of me and to take care with me. I want him to lead us and love me unconditionally to the best of his ability. I want to discuss my deepest thoughts, desires and goals in return I want his truthful thoughts and ideas regarding my ideas and thoughts.

I do not want to do life alone. I hate not having a partner, yet within that partnership I want my man to lead while listening. So yes I have a Daddy complex. Recently when financial stress threatened my children I had a breakdown in communication with my husband. Those breakdowns lead to a crisis in writing on my blog and writing/working on the new novel. I became so overwhelmed in the conversations I perceived myself having with my husband I could not let the actual conversation take place.

I stuffed all those conversations and feelings deep within myself. I thought I knew so well what would be that I did not give him the benefit of showing me what could be. My lack of communication is an ongoing problem in our marriage. I get brain constipation which affects my heart and soul. Now as we recover from this financial and emotional crisis I am discovering a lot about myself.

I know perceived conversations are not conversations with my spouse. Getting caught up in the perceptions is not fair to him and does not give him the opportunity to truly be the loving husband that he is. It also does not allow him to be the leader I need him to be. So you see although I have a Daddy Complex sometimes through my own mental constipation I seal up and do not allow him to help or be the leader I desperately need him to be. That is not fair to either of us.

Now what do I do with my new information. Certainly I file it for future use and try not to make the same mistake twice. Now that is the topic for another blog because I have definitely made this mistake more than twice before in my life.

Living in the Fast Lane on a Slow Spin Cycle

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 18:32:00 +0000

I think sometimes I the title above describe me to a tee. Life goes flittering by so quickly yet I am spinning slowly in circles. Bits and pieces of me scatter here and there as I spin about and I pick up other bits and pieces found around and carry them on with me to comeback and loose those pieces to pick up lost pieces. A never ending spin as life quickly passes by.

Do you ever feel that way?

I have a lot of talent. I understand numbers and words. I am musical, athletic, spiritual and skeptical. I can look at something or watch someone do something and figure out how it works or how they did it. I know things I have never experienced and sometimes when I try to figure out how I know what I know I have questions about our souls and past lives. I think too much and sometimes I do not think enough.

Is everyone’s life this way?

Is having so many different talents, many of which I did not list above, a part of my authentic self? How do you decide which talent to follow at a given time? I know we are supposed to follow our spiritual cues. My situation makes my use of words and my talent for them the most viable talent to follow at the given time. There have been many recent days though that my words have failed me. I was too overwhelmed with thought to write.

So what do you think? How do you decide which talent to follow? How do you decide what it is you are supposed to be doing?

Hello, From North Dakota

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:58:00 +0000

Earlier this year we passed through North Dakota during the June floods. I was amazed at the water level of an area between Driscoll and Bismark. Well today we passed through the same stretch and I am amazed by the ice and snow. So here are some pictures to illustrate the difference in the scenery and the seasonal changes. Have fun.

June 2011 Flooding

December 2011

Survival of That’s Life

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:34:00 +0000

That’s life is a very vague term I know, but sometimes that is the only way to describe the mayhem that attacks. Sometimes that mayhem is created by our own mistakes. Today’s particular mayhem was not our creation by our own hand. That fact does not make it easier to deal with but alerts us to everyone being human.

A bank teller we love. She is always kind and friendly a good person to do business with made a mistake. The result was one of our items being returned and our account being overdrawn. These mistakes make our lives difficult, yes, but they are not inevitable. None of us are infallible even in a job we do daily.

Finding the mistake and getting it corrected of course was a headache, but after, we quickly took the time to call the bank manager and make certain she knew our feelings on the matter. We do not want to see this clerk loose her job over this. I am worried more about that right now, than I am not being able to buy breakfast this morning. So many people are quick to complain and business is tough. I have noticed a high turnover of employees everywhere we go. Few faces are ever the same which make professional relationships hard to establish. It took us a few minutes to call and defend our bank clerk.

How many would take the time to be certain that a valued business relationship is protected? Are you quick to complain and see heads roll? Do you write as many good things about and comments as you do bad comments and criticisms?

Inspiration and Remembering Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:08:00 +0000

I have been stuck lately. I have not been creative. I began the month with a new novel in my midst. I wrote feverishly on I had some real creative moments, but the past two weeks has seen me diddling around the internet playing mahjong and not really accomplishing anything.

Why the sudden drop in creative flow? Why would I let my ideas glow only to sit and stew for weeks unattended? Depression, anxiety and money woes are the big culprits also known as stress. When the big bad wolf is knocking at the door and you have no way to appease him it makes life stressful and it also makes it easy to fall into a trap of why me and why try.

I fell into this trap. There was no miracle of funds available to cure my depression or stress. That wolf is still at the door, but my ideas and manifestation of me is not as effected by that wolf. Simple pleasures and simple ideas put the wolf in his place. I spent my weekend with my kids and my dog. This was time I needed to remind me what is important.

The truly important things in my life are my children, my husband, my pets and our collective well being. The fact there is money to earn and bills to pay is very low on the list of what is important in life. Family is the priority and my core need.

Yes we need to pay those bills, yes we need to keep working. Yes I need to sell more books to help with all of those things. My book though is not about sales it is about owning part of my life and how I felt about a part of my life at a particular time, that inspired “The Phillamanteca; TheStory of Jane”. I am no longer a slave to anyone. I am living my authentic life and doing the best I can. I am creative and I am on a journey. I am no longer being what is expected of me I am being me instead.

That realization of myself and what is going on now makes me a better mother, a better person and a better friend. I am happy and so Thankful for that lesson.

Hatching a Plan and The Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 19:28:00 +0000

“A quiet man is a thinking man, A quiet woman is hatching a plan.” Quoted from The Secret to Humor is Suprises’s Facebook photo

This appeared on my facebook wall. It is so appropriate to describe my mind set the past few weeks. I was not hatching a plan I was perplexed and scared to talk to my husband about my ideas. What I wanted to do to change our situation I was terrified. Not because I am afraid of my husband. He has never given me a reason to be afraid. My fear had nothing to do with him and more to do with my history haunting my present.

How this whole situation was resolved is funny and sad. Yesterday our new puppy Stormy made a mess in the truck while we were showering and eating dinner. The resolution to that small problem was to shower at separate times taking turns baby sitting the dog.

Don said, “You will enjoy taking a shower in privacy. It will be a nice treat.”

Now earlier that morning I had said to Kayla that taking a shower alone would be heaven. That the privacy of such a shower is a luxury that can easily be taken for granite, so my statement before his statement and I wondered is he reading my IM’s to my daughter? So I asked him. The answer was no he is not, which I believe He just thought I would enjoy some time completely alone.

Then Don asked, “Is there something else bothering you?”

Oh Wow I just sat there to long until my silence told him I had stuff on my mind. The look of complete horror of having a conversation I was terrified of and had played over and over in my mind with the same ugly conclusion was before me and I had no place to hide. I tried to avoid but I had no way out. No way to change the subject I had to come clean.

I told him. “I want to go to California and go to the school to complete my class one license and go to work. I am healthy now, I am not lazy and I want to work. It is time for me to work.”

He had some questions and he made some flattering comments too.

Don said, “I know you’re not lazy and your help in loading and unloading has been a blessing and you do a really good job.”

He agreed to me going to school. We have some concerns regarding Stormy and her care while these changes are taking place.. We also need to stop long enough to get her surgery scheduled and all of her shots up to date. So this is all going to work out. We are going to make this work and I will be driving truck by March on my own.

By sitting on my tongue and welling up all those feelings inside. I quit talking to my husband, my best friend and I quit writing because I could think of nothing else but the conversation we needed to have that I was terrified of. I should have trusted my husband to see what I saw and have the same concerns I have and I should have had enough faith in our relationship to talk to him. Two weeks is a lot of time wasted worrying about the possible outcome of a conversation and making it worse than what in reality it was. Reality it was one of the easiest conversations we have had.

So the lesson; Think about your words, but don’t get so wound up in the possible outcome that you avoid the conversation. It may not be what we think and if we love someone and they love us a solution is always possible.

A Thank You to my Real Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 00:08:00 +0000

I did I had a good day. I had lots of pleasant scenery and views to see. Then I tried to help someone. Trying to help someone else is not a bad thing. It is a good thing, but when you misread the cues patronization and instead give help it can bite you and bite you hard.

I knew this from dealing with my family members, but I put myself out there again and oops I got flogged for it. When I realized just how mad she was that I would not patronize her I left the conversation I also blocked her from my twitter accounts. I can not afford her hatred or her misunderstanding. I have to take care of me first and her mean words are not worth my time or energy.

Yet I am here wasting time and energy on my blog because I got hurt. I know there are others out there that suffer from mental illness. I have been whipped into shape by others who suffer with mental illness who told me when I was looking for sympathy to straighten up. I know exactly what I need to do at this moment is straighten myself up again.

She was not ready to be reminded of the tools we are all given by our therapists and or doctors. She was not ready to be told if she wants something she keeps trying. She was not ready to hear. I know her place well and when I recognized it I left her to sulk in her own anger and pain.

She will now use me as a target for her pain and that is okay, I don’t have to listen to it. I blocked her twitter account and I will no longer talk to her or listen to her drivel. I can not afford to. She will drag me through the mud with her spiteful spirited hatred but I know the truth. She is not angry with me she is directing her self anger at me, much as I have done to others.

So let me take this moment to thank my true friends who have stuck by me and my craziness. I thank you for kicking me when I needed it and not letting me drag you down with me.

Contemplation

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 18:17:00 +0000

Life is full of decisions and circumstance. Our response to those conditions and situations make us who we are and where we end up in life. These past few weeks I have been experiencing a part of my personality that is detrimental to my closest relationships mainly my marriage.

Yes I experienced a positive turn in my depression. It did not take me to the point of ruin or mad cap insanity, but it did affect my decision making. I could not write for a time and my creativity was stifled. I was so wrapped up in changing and blaming. My feelings were hurt and I wanted to change everything about my relationship, my lifestyle and my situation. I blamed the new puppy, I blamed Don and I blamed myself for letting it all happen.

I almost destroyed everything about us, but Don put the Kabash on my plans by saying give it till January. Let’s see if it is better then we will make a decision. It did not take that long, but he gave me enough time to stop before I made a rash decision. I am thankful for that.

I am back to writing now. I have 11,000 words in NaNoWriMo, which is amazing. I am going to write more today on my new novel and I am actively promoting my recently published ebook ‘The Phillamanteca; The Story of Jane’. Available here.

If he had allowed me to follow my whim decision I would not be writing. I would be struggling to survive and wrapped up in finding shelter and food. I would not be here sharing, thinking and doing what I love. I am happy I respect him enough to listen and although I don’t like his suggestion at the time to honor his request instead. I am also glad he takes the time to work with me through these potholes.

A marriage is a partnership and when the road gets rough I am so glad Don loves me enough to help me and us get through. He never chastises or tells me I am not thinking clearly he just says “Okay but lets wait until this time and then if the situation doesn’t change then we will try that.” My idea was not dumb. It may still happen that we will need for me to go off the truck and obtain my class one, but for now we are better and it is okay. I thank God for my husband and our marriage. I also thank him for helping me to have patience and give the road we are on a chance to smooth out.

Stormy's First Snow Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Teresa Wilkinson) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 19:54:00 +0000

Okay white stuff. Hmmmm?

Curious but this is strange wet but Crunchy!

It's Cold!

Feet cold better hop!

Mia tells Stormy we are Labradors we love snow!

Let the game begin!

What do you want Mom? I am playing.

There's green grass under this stuff.

I am still playing we can not go yet!

Wait where does it go!

Back into the snow!

Do we have to go? This was fun. I don't want to get in the truck.
Wait did you say TREAT? Okay lets go I want a Treat.