the flip side...

SRO for our Summer Reads Event at Book Revue!

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 18:16:00 +0000

Judging from the turnout at our Book Revue Beach Party last night, the only thing better than going to the beach is sharing your favorite reads with fellow readers.

The event last night was one of those rare occasions when readers and writers have a chance to get together to share their love of stories while munching on cookies, sipping cold drinks and winning prizes.

Julianne Wernersbach (first photo,) our host from Book Revue, kicked the evening off with some words about beach reads and shared her enthusiasm for the theme of the night and for the authors sharing their debut novels.

Tess Callahan (second photo) began her talk by recommending On Chesil beach by Ian McEwan and talked a little bit about the origin of stories and how the discovery of objects, like a

shoe from a ship unearthed at the world trade center site is one of those moments of magic that be the beginnings of a story. Tess read a scene from her novel April & Oliver between April and her grandmother .

Hyatt Bass (third photo) followed Tess with a beach read recommendation of Brooklyn by Colm Toibin. Hyatt read two scenes from her novel The Embers, featuring a great twelve year old voice.

I brought up the rear with comments about what a summer read meant

to me, including memories of being caught crying after I finished To Kill A Mockingbird for the first time so many years ago. When my brother asked if I was crying because it was sad I said I was crying because it was over. I read one of my favorite scenes from The Last Bridge, where Cat goes to the neighbor's house for dinner.

We raffled off some great prizes which included, two $25 gift cards from the great wine store Bottles and Cases and a beach bag of goodies including wine, treats, beach towel, and three signed novels of RITA award winning author (and good friend) Gwyn Cready.

A lively discussion followed spurred by great questions from the crowd and then Tess, Hyatt and I signed books next to a grab bag box of books for anyone who purchased one of our novels.

There is nothing better than being in a book store like Book Revue where everywhere you turn you see books. Last night was even better, as in addition to being enveloped by books, we were talking about them, sharing our favorites, and signing our own! No one left empty handed!

Tess, Hyatt and I agreed that as far as author events go, the more authors the merrier. In addition to having the chance to share our stories, we loved having the chance to compare our experiences and give readers different perspectives.

I wish I had more pictures to share but as you can tell I was caught up in the moment!

For those of you that could not be with us check out some of these links and for those of you in book clubs why not consider having a similar theme event? It was great fun.

Links of interest:

Book Revue (aside from a great bookstore they have great author events!)

April & Oliver by Tess Callahan

The Embers by Hyatt Bass

The Last Bridge by Teri Coyne

On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan

Brooklyn by Colm Toibin

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (on the front table at Book Revue!)

Flirting with Forever (and other books) by Gwyn Cready

The Stragedy of it All

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 02:28:00 +0000

Among the many things I used to do to pass the time in long, frustrating planning meetings back when I worked in IT was to come up with new words to describe the awfulness of whatever was happening at the moment. While most of the words are lost to me now the one that has stayed with me was "stragedy." I accidentally said that in the midst of discovering a major project was collapsing under the weight of bad planning and poor decision making. I said, "so this is our stragedy?" What I meant to say was, "strategy" but mashed it with tragedy and made myself a fancy new word to describe exactly what happens when a lack of strategy meets reality.

At the risk of stating the obvious, we got ourselves a whole big stragedy going on right now in this country.

Shortly after 9/11 when I had heard one too many conspiracy theories about what happened, I realized I had been working in the Corporate world too long as I no longer believed that anyone was smart enough to plan a conspiracy let alone execute one.

I guess you could say I had an "aha" moment when it finally occurred to me that the people running the government, post office, hospital, Oil Companies, etc. were not a different grade of human than the ones I had been working with all these years.

Oh sure maybe you get more of the best and the brightest at the White House level but that is just a matter of degree. There are just as many people at the White House who don't respond to email, just like in your office.

Once you realize this, everything you hear on the news and know about the world changes. It's kind of like finding out Santa Claus doesn't exist, it's hard to imagine how you believed in him in the first place.

So although I believe there are people who conspire to do evil (usually in the name of God) I am not surprised that BP did not have an adequate contingency plan and that they still don't. I am not surprised that Congress doesn't seem to know what to do about it. And the New York State Government not passing a budget? Well who can blame them for thinking it's all about their agendas and not about their constituents. How is that any different from the folks you work with who don't care that they are leaving you high and dry when they punch out at 5:30pm and leave you to finish the project?

The stragedy of it all is that we want to believe there is someone, a leader, a guru, a teacher, a boss, a company, an institution that will show us the way and in doing so, make our lives and the world safe. We assume everyone who makes more money or has more power is smarter than we are and we definitely don't think our government is run at all like our places business, but guess what, it is.

I guess it's easier for us to feel outrage at BP for not having a better handle on the situation, for showing an astonishingly low amount of concern for safety over money, for not fixing the problem sooner (if they can ever fix it at all.) The alternative is to feel complicit. Our hunger for oil got us where we are and the people we sanctioned to drill for it are not going to get us out of it.

Everyone is talking about who is going to pay, who will be responsible and no one, has really stood up and said, I am, We are.

In my time working in Technology I had many successes and failures but what I was most proud of was taking over the management of a project that had gone horribly wrong and was causing a tremendous amount of pain for everyone in the company. We had a huge technical issue we were prepetuating without understanding how or why. On a team of eight support people, I had five quit in one day. I had chest pains and a lot of moments in the ladies room where I wondered why I wasn't drafting my own resignation, but I didn't.

The problem was beyond the scope of my technical abilities, or so I thought, until I met with the engineers who were stymied. Suddenly the high paid experts were not so expert anymore.

The solution took the combined efforts of all the IT people on our team, it took collaboration, respect, an openness to new ideas and most of all it took a lot of guts to suggest a solution and be wrong. I was wrong a lot, but I was determined to get to the bottom of the problem, I did not want the situation to defeat me.

We all have those moments in our lives when our best laid plans or intentions go terribly wrong...sometimes we run or point the finger or shut down but sometimes we rise to the occasion and show ourselves and the world our best. We say, enough. The buck stops here. It stops with me. You don't need a degree, a fancy job or permission to do that. You just need balls.

Giveaway Fever!

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 17:07:00 +0000

Who knew that giving away 25 Free copies of The Last Bridge would result in so many great stories from readers. Thanks to all of you who participated -- the stories of how you gave the books away were great!

And the winner is...

Laurie Morris was the lucky winner of the $100 Target Gift Card. She gave her free copy to her daughter as part of a beach bag of goodies for her trip to Florida to prep for her wedding. Congrats to Laurie and her daughter!

The lucky recipients

Based on your feedback, when presented with the chance to give a book away most of you will give it to a relative (8 of you did that) -- and if it's a relative chances are it will be a daughter (3.) The next most popular choices were friends (6), Co-workers (2), Book Club friends (2), Neighbors (2), Student (1) and my personal favorite a Stranger (1)

Reasons You Gave

The reasons you gave the book to your recipient were the best part of the giveaway. A number of you chose to give the book to someone who was struggling with an illness, or taking care of someone who was ill. In those instances you all cited the importance of reading to take your mind away from your troubles. (So True!)

A few of you also chose to give your books to daughters, sisters-in-law, nieces and even a few sons. How great it is to share books with another generation - one of the great joys of my own life is swapping books with my Mom, Sister and Brother.

Aside from working together a few of you enjoy sharing and discussing books with your co-workers. You gave your books to those colleagues.

One of the great categories of friendship is a "book friend" someone you swap and share books with -- a few of them were lucky recipients.

Book Groups also got their hands on a few of the giveaways as well.

My favorite giveaway was from a reader who was traveling regularly to a hospital to visit a sick relative - she left the copy in the family waiting area with a note to please take it, read it and share it!

Amazing adventures...

The most amazing part of the giveaway was hearing of all the places The Last Bridge has and will travel. It went on a cross country journey from Arizona to DC (with lots of stops along the way!) and made it on a European jaunt (Sweden, Denmark, The Netherlands) and was sent to over 20 States and 40+ Cities. Check out the Google map I made of all the stops you told me about.

The real winner is...

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the wonderful notes I got sharing your feelings about the book and your enthusiasm for getting the word out about The Last Bridge. I appreciate the time you have taken to let me become of part of your world and for your honesty and kindness.

I am the true winner of this giveaway!

The Perfect Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 12:14:00 +0000

Yesterday Al and Tipper Gore announced they would be separating after forty years of marriage. The reaction from the media has been one of sadness and disappointment. They had, by all accounts, a perfect marriage, if they couldn't make it who could?

The response to the news of the Gores splitting reflects a deeply held belief in our culture that we are meant to go through the world coupled to one person and any other combination is failure. Even now when statistics are showing young people holding off on marriage into their thirties and women deciding to have children later in life, we cling to the notion that the only life worth having is paired with someone else.

It is common knowledge that back when the institution of marriage was formalized, people didn't live well past forty. A marriage in your teens would pair you with someone for a little over twenty years. As our life spans expanded our concept of marriage did not.

There are happy marriages and unions that last for decades. The couples I have known that have that are grateful and serious about the sum of their parts being greater than the individual. I am in awe of those partnerships and enriched by their commitment.

I am not of the mind that those are the only successful unions and maybe it is because I have never been married or I am the product of my parents passionate but turbulent marriage, I think any kind of love shared between two people that lifts the spirit, produces children and a commitment to parenting, invests in the future or builds a home is equally worthy. When people realize they cannot go the whole journey paired as they had hoped, it is not a failure, rather it is a choice and a shift of understanding.

There are few people any of us could imagine being paired with for over forty years and while it is always sad to see something end, it is also a moment to reflect on all that was, on what their partnership built and created and what, hopefully, their continued love and support of each other will do for them and their families. The logistics of a relationship can end but the connection and love shared does not have to.

It is heartbreaking to reflect on the ending of many of my own love relationships. What started as something joyous often ended badly with bitter feelings and anger. A person I loved deeply is not even part of my life anymore. And, sadly, there are far too many children caught in the middle of these kinds of toxic endings.

People do bad things to each other, and the most awful things are often in the name of love. Ending a marriage, especially when there are young children involved, must be one of the most difficult things to endure, even harder though is to try to find a way to shift your spousal relationship to a parenting partnership. To demonstrate love and respect for each other in spite of the hurt feelings. It isn't always easy or possible but it is ideal. I know a few couples who have done this and admire them as much as the ones who have stayed together.

These were the thoughts I had when writing my second novel. I was curious about the nature of love between two people and the often limited ways we think that love can be expressed. There are as many ways to express and experience love as there are people. We need to release ourselves from the notion that there is one way and try to define all the ways love can enrich our lives. The love and pride between two parents is a wondrous thing, the support of friends enhances our lives, and even sexual relationships that are respectful and fun can be just that. Why should we expect all of those things to come in the package of one person and never change? It is a tall order for any of us to fulfill.

So to Tipper and Al I say, well done and safe travels on your new journeys. The way they appear to be handling their separation is for me, another way of having a perfect marriage.

Here it comes...the paperback of The Last Bridge

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Sun, 23 May 2010 19:57:00 +0000

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” – Henry Miller

On Tuesday, the paperback edition of The Last Bridge will be released everywhere.

I imagine that having a story released into the world is similar to sending your child to school on the first day or dropping them off at their first dance. There is a part of you that knows they are ready (even if you might not be) and knows that you have done everything you can do to make their journey a safe one. That's how I feel about my paperback. Even now, after living with this story for almost a quarter of my life, and having a great experience with the hardcover launch, I am anxious and excited. I want the world to like Cat Rucker, I want them to understand the story.

This time around, I have some confidence that the book will continue to find its' way into the hands of many readers who respond to the intensity of the story. The best part of being published is connecting with readers and hearing their stories and listening to their response. I have met many wonderful people so far and am starting to feel as protective of my readers as I am of my book!

On the brink of the paperback release and of my release of the draft of book two to my agent, (more on that in the coming weeks) I feel like a mother of two children -- one starting first grade and the other pre-school. On Tuesday I will wake up and think about the book sitting on shelves, displayed on tables and considered and viewed by potential readers. As it makes its' way into the world I will stand in the wings and remind myself of all the love, hard work and passion my, agents, editors, sales people, publicists, family, marketing, readers, bookstores, proofreaders, teachers, copy editors, designers, typesetters, and friends gave to The Last Bridge. While the process of writing may be solitary, the delivery and execution of a book takes a village.

I am grateful to you all...

Go get 'em Cat...

The Last Bridge Paperback Giveaway!

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Wed, 19 May 2010 15:01:00 +0000

Want to win a $100 gift card?
Help me celebrate the May 25th paperback launch of The Last Bridge by giving away a copy of the book to anyone you want!

The first 25 people who email me will get a FREE copy of The Last Bridge to give away.
When you get your free copy, give it away to a friend, stranger, colleague at work, whoever you choose! Then tell me the story of how you did it and you'll be entered to win a $100 Target Gift Card! (The more interesting your story the better your chances!)

Winner will be announced on June 15th!
Follow these simple steps:
Send an email to teri@tericoyne.com requesting your FREE copy and include your mailing address - the first 25 people who respond will get the book for FREE!*
I will mail you a paperback copy of The Last Bridge for you to give to the reader of your choice
Give the book to a designated recipient (extra points given for creative giveaways!)
Post your story on my blog or on my facebook page to be eligible for the $100 Target Gift Card (Extra points for posting photos!)
Gift card winner will be announced on June 15th!
Thank you for your continued support - and best of luck!

*You are also welcome to buy a copy for a friend and post your story as well!

Ordinary Women: Extraordinary Heroines May 12th - Meet Our Authors!

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 15:07:00 +0000

I am thrilled to announce the second evening in our Ordinary Women: Extraordinay Heroines series at KGB Bar in New York City. Our first evening on January 28th was a huge success thanks to a group of great authors who embodied the spirit of the night and delivered a thought provoking and entertaining evening and to the audience who asked great questions, listened intently and came out on a cold evening!

Our event on May 12th continues our exploration of the work of four distinct and talented writers who defy convention and write about real women and their struggles. In addition we will be spotlighting a great online community devoted to raising the voices of women writers and readers. If you haven't heard about SHE WRITES, jump onto their site and join, it's free and chock full of great and inspiring stuff!

If you are in town on May 12th, come to KGB Bar and join us for a fun and stimulating evening -- we will be raffling off books and a few other goodies. The event is FREE.

A SNEAK PEEK AT OUR AUTHORS:

Diane Meier
Marketing guru, author of The New American Wedding and president of MEIER, a NYC-based marketing firm, Diane Meier’s career has honed skills from strategy, writing and design to public speaking. Her new book, The Season of Second Chances, hit shelves on March 30, 2010.

Terese Svoboda
Svoboda's writing has been featured in The New Yorker, Times Literary Supplement, The New York Times, The Atlantic Monthly, Slate.com, Bomb, Lit, Columbia, Yale Review and The Paris Review. She is currently teaching graduate students at Columbia University's School of the Arts. Her new book, Pirate Talk or Mermalade, will be released in September, 2010.

Virginia DeBerry and Donna Grant
With seven novels to their credit, Virginia DeBerry and Donna Grant, best friends for nearly 30 years, have turned a friendship into one of the most successful and enduring writing collaborations in contemporary women’s fiction. Their latest novel, Uptown, hit shelves in March, 2010.

SHE WRITES

She Writes is the leading online destination for women writers today. Since its inception in June 2009, more than 8000 women writers from more than thirty countries and all fifty states, including many bestselling and award-winning authors, have been sharing support, organizing their knowledge, and doing business on She Writes. A unique community where women writers can create networks and get the services and support they need at every stage of their writing lives, She Writes is a business on a mission: to forever transform the landscape in which women write, publish, and read. We believe writing has the power to change the lives of women; we believe that when women write and publish, they have the power to change the world. She Writes is the brainchild of founder Kamy Wicoff, an author and salonniere based in New York City, and her founding partner Deborah Siegel, an author and blogger.

Philadelphia Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 22:42:00 +0000

On Sunday my friend Stephanie joined me for the day at the Philadelphia Book Festival. While we were there to sell books and meet people, the best part of the day was having so many folks stop by and tell us their stories. I've recounted a few of the highlights of the day. I am grateful to everyone who stopped by and shared their stories with us.

Most Beautiful Kiss of my Life
An African American gentleman came by a took a handful of tootsie rolls declaring they were his favorite candy as a kid. Then he asked us if we ever lived in Israel, we said, "No." He asked me where I was from originally, I told him Pittsburgh.

He then told us a story of how he was in Pittsburgh years ago at a club called Disco 2000 where he met this woman. She was beautiful and they ended up back at his hotel room. When he wanted to see her again she told him it was just a one night stand as she had no intention of ever falling in love again. Another man broke her heart.

"Some people are like that," he said. "They can't take the heartbreak so they just want a one time thing. She was a beautiful kisser," he said. "The best kiss of my whole life."

He said as soon as the weather got warm he was going back to Pittsburgh and, "who knows?" he said, "maybe we'll all meet up there."

Come to my Party
I had to weigh down my handouts with bottles of water. A woman came over dressed in her church clothes, including a hat and was trying to get my information sheet. I told her why I was using the water bottles, she said, "I would have to be crazy to not understand that. I have lived in this city all my life and I know what kind of wind can come whipping up behind you and surprise, take everything on this table down. You don't have to explain to me."

She then went on to tell me about how much she loved books and the library and how having a place to go to read books saved her as a child. She took two of everything saying that was her policy, to always give what you find to someone else. Pass the good along.

She told us she planned on living to 125 and then shocked me when she said she was 67, the woman looked almost younger than me. She said as she walked away, "I'm going to do it and when I do I want you to come to my party. Everyone is going to be there."

Thank God, The Last Bridge!

A man who looked like a skinnier version of Santa Claus carrying books on computer programming and wearing a kelly green tattered sport jacket stopped at the beginning of the table and declared, "Thank God, The Last Bridge. We have way too many of them to begin with - the last one at last."

Man on a Mission

A retired electrical engineer came by to ask me if he could take my picture to post on Library Thing. I told him I was already on LT with my picture. He said it was one of his missions to get as many author photos on Library Thing as possible. He was a man with many missions including updating relevant Wikipedia articles, keeping track of the 1000+ books he has and trying to document as much local history as possible.

"My wife thinks I'm crazy," he said.

There were lots more stories and conversations and connections. Oh and we sold some books too!

Celebrate Poetry Month

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:04:00 +0000

April is National Poetry Month and whether or not your are a fan, I would like to challenge you to spend a few moments each day (or a little time every week) to explore the vast collections of incredible poems available to us.

There are a lot of ways to connect with poetry this month -- here are a few:

1. Go to www.poets.org and sign up for a Poem-A-Day email. What's easier than that? This site has tons of information on what's happening this month.

2. Join the Poetic Asides PAD (Poem-A-Day) challenge. Every day you get a prompt for a poem to write which you can post and/or save until May 1st and submit your favorite five for consideration as "Poet Laureate" of the PAD challenge. November brings a PAD chapbook challenge!

3. Sign up for the excellent Writer's Almanac podcast or daily newsletter. In addition to hearing Garrison Keillor recite a poem a day, you get writing related news. Sure to inspire you!

4. Checkout the Poem Flow app for the iPhone. It delivers a classic poem every day with each line or phrase fading in and out.

5. April 29th is Poem in Your Pocket day. Start thinking about a poem you would like to share with your friends, colleagues and family.

6. Poems really should be heard aloud, at www.poets.org check out one of the many events going on nationwide which include poets reading their work.

Romance, Rapture and a Remote Island

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 22:14:00 +0000

One of the best parts of being an author is having the chance to get to know other authors and share their books. This month I'm happy to share the books of three friends and very different writers. If you are looking for something to read (or starting to build your beach reading list) consider these! Check out their websites too!

Flirting with Forever by Gwyn Cready

Gwyn delivers another great time travel romp in her third novel and her first since winning the coveted RITA award. If you have never tried a romance novel PLEASE give Flirting with Forever a try but be forewarned, you might get hooked. Check out Gwyn's website for her book tour dates (and if you go make sure you tell her I sent you!)

Rapture Ready! by Daniel Radosh

I don't throw around the world "cool" very often, that's on purpose so when I say something or someone is cool you will go, WOW, she doesn't say that very often I have to take this seriously. Daniel Radosh and his book Rapture Ready! is cool. What is better than being amused and enlightened all at the same time? I loved this book. Rapture Ready! is just out in paperback. Get the book, check out Daniel's other writing and enjoy his contributions on The Daily Show where he is now on staff.

The Tale of Halcyon Crane by Wendy Webb

Let's see this debut novel is about dark family secrets, ghosts from the past and features a strong female protagonist -- hmm....wonder why I would recommend it??? Add this one to your must read list!

Meddling with Mid-Life

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 16:51:00 +0000

I will be turning forty-nine this week, and although it's not fifty, it's close enough to ponder what that might mean to me.

When I was in my thirties I scoffed at stories I heard about men and women hitting their fifties and doing outrageous things and calling it a mid-life crisis. A few of my friends parents split up, one ran away with a younger woman, another sold their family home and bought a condo away from their children. Still, others bought fancy cars, boats, motorcycles while others went back to school, changed careers or slipped into a funk that took a few years to get out of. Over time, any change someone in their fifties made to their body, career or life was attributed to this mysterious thing called a mid-life crisis. I scoffed at many of the choices -- plastic surgery, sports cars, younger spouses. Mid-life crises were for people who weren’t happy, that wasn’t going to be me.

Then I hit forty-eight, published my first novel and left a job I had for eighteen years. Welcome to the mid-life crisis. The term mid-life feels silly and hopeful at the same time. If I’m having a mid-life crisis in my late forties that at least implies I will be living well into my nineties right? Although I am in the midst of re-charting the course of my life is it really fair to call this a crisis? If it is a crisis, shouldn’t I be wearing protective clothing?

Whether you like it or not, change happens. In mid-life many of those changes happen in your body, and while I strongly recommend living in denial for as long as possible, sooner or later you look in the mirror and notice something strange looking back at you, someone a lot older. It’s not all depressing, you also find yourself with less tolerance for doubt and if you had a hard time suffering fools in your youth well let’s just say you can barely be in the same room with them once you hit mid-life.

For me though, the big burning question is, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” Notice the distinction from the “What do you want to be” of my youth. The first half was all about the what, the second half is about the who, and when I say that I don’t mean the band.

There is a scene in The Last Bridge, when Cat wakes up in the hospital after almost drinking herself to death and the nurse asks her who she is, she goes through a list in her mind of all the roles she has in her life and finally lands on a definition of who she is that changes the course of her life.

Some days my definition of who I am is not so simple or flattering, other days the printout of it would require several toner cartridges. Some days who I want to be is within reach, other days it would be easier to try to be someone else.

I think of my “mid-life” project like I did the renovation of my 100+ year old house, it was a great house the way it was, solid foundation, strong bones, welcoming vibe but it was even better with a bathroom on the second floor, a new kitchen and access to the garden in the back. In fact, what made my house better was the way I opened it up, the way I took what was great and made it better.

Seems like that is the model. The “who” I want to be is more open, accessible and welcoming for what comes next.

Women of the World

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:34:00 +0000

If you had asked me as a young girl in the early 70s that the first time a woman would win a Best Director Oscar would be in 2010 I would have laughed in your face. By 2010 I would have imagined we would have had a least our first, if not our second woman president, had seen significant enhancements in the economic equality for working women and watched the quality of life for women all over world improve.

Yes, as a young girl growing in the 1970s, I believed women were on their way.

Last night I was proud that Kathryn Bigelow won the Oscar for best director not only because she deserved it but because she was honored for making a film about men in wartime. The success of The Hurt Locker is evidence that sometimes the best person to tell a story is a woman.

Today is International Women’s Day. We should pause to think of how far women have come in having their voices heard and we should also think about how much further we need to go.

I am one of the lucky ones. I was raised by a working mother and a father who believed in the equal rights of women. My parents did not bring me up to believe there was only one role for me. I did not grow into adulthood thinking I had limited opportunities. Unfortunately, the experiences of my life have revealed something very different. Too often, being a woman is a liability.

While I felt tremendous pride in the election that brought us our first African American president, I also felt sad that it took as long as it did and even sadder that it would take even longer to see a woman in the White House. (For the first time I wondered if it would even happen in my lifetime.)

These are minor concerns when you look at the statistics of women in this country that continue to be abused, and/or sexually assaulted, by the numbers of single working mothers that live below the poverty line and by the gender disparities in high ranking positions in government and corporations. Yes, we have made progress but we have miles to go and perceptions to change.

According to the website, the purpose of International Women’s Day is to celebrate the positive advances women have made in their fight for economic and social equality. The website goes on to explain that recently the tone of IWD has shifted from being a reminder of the negatives to a celebration of the positives.

While I’m all for celebrating the advances women have made I think that’s missing the point. It reminds me of taking a tour of a plantation in the South and hearing the guide boast that the slaves on that property were educated, this was after visiting the squalid conditions of the slave quarters. Was that really supposed to make us feel better?

Maybe we should spend a little less time patting ourselves on the back and little more time listening to the voices of women crying out for recognition and respect. I’m pretty sure that the rising number of Afghan women who set themselves on fire to escape a life of domestic abuse and torture would prefer it if we paid attention to their plight and did something about it.

When all is said and done, treating women with respect and as social and economic equals boils down to one thing and one thing only, when women do well, the whole world prospers. When women suffer, we all suffer.

Discovery vs. Distraction

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:08:00 +0000

Some days writing feels like factory work. You set a goal, sit down and have at it until you either reach the goal, give up, or get distracted. While there are days when you feel you are drawing from a well of divine inspiration, there are many more that just feel like you are a day laborer sorting words into sentences.

I've been stuck for the last two days on a scene where one of my main characters visits Goa Gajah, or the Elephant Cave in Bali. Although I was there (ten years ago) I was looking for confirmation on what is actually inside. Seems simple, but it wasn't. No matter how many resources I checked, I was not satisfied I had gotten the information I was looking for. I spent hours reading websites, looking at strangers holiday photos and re-reading guidebooks but I wasn't feeling anything click.

See, my character has a moment in the cave, this much I knew. How did I know that? I can't say other than it was a hunch, there was a reason this needed to happen but I was damned if I knew why or how (or even what the big moment was going to be.) I just knew something happens in that cave.

Research like this is like following breadcrumbs into a dark forest hoping it's going to lead you to a gingerbread house. The deeper you go the harder it is to give up but the darker it gets.

About an hour ago I was thinking about changing the story and having her go somewhere else, my breadcrumb trail was going stale. My research was a bust. I was not following a hunch I was creating a huge distraction.

And then, BINGO. One phrase, describing the deity Ganesha, changed everything. I knew why she was there, what was going to happen and why that moment is so important to the story.

What was the phrase? "Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles."

Just like that the obstacle was removed in both the story and my writing process. (I think I may have been getting some divine inspiration after all!)

Heroine Worship - Part Three -- Getting high on heroines

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:52:00 +0000

I’m hosting an evening in New York City at KGB on Thursday night with three terrific women writers (Masha Hamilton, Stacy Parker Aab and Louisa Ermelino) We will be reading from our own work and sharing the incredible true stories of women from the Afghan Women’s Writing Project. The title of the evening is Ordinary Women: Extraordinary Heroines. Our goal is to get you to think about your favorite heroines and if possible, to begin to think of yourself as the heroine of your own story. Over the next few days I will be blogging my thoughts on being a heroine.

Part Three -- Getting high on heroines
I was reminded the other night of the many lectures I heard during high school and college about the "hero's journey." As any good English teacher will tell you it is the stuff of all the great literature. Let's face it, The Odyssey wouldn't be much if there wasn't...well...a journey. The great stories of the ages and the lessons of history are filled with men who have struggled to overcome great obstacles to triumph.

I grew up on these stories and as much as I could I was inspired by them. I have to admit though, it was hard at times to relate to these men. The problem wasn't their story, their challenge or their choices, the problem was more basic, they were all men.

You don't hear much about the great women of our time when you grew up in a suburb of Pittsburgh in the late 60s and early 70s. Sure it was a time of "female liberation" but that didn't mean public school curriculum was ready to put the spotlight on anyone other than caucausion men.

Sure there were a few notable women, but they were treated as a fluke or novelty. The apporach was less reverential and more "hey sometimes women can help too!"

I was lucky to have some solid female role models in my life and a father who believed his daughters should be seen, heard and respected (except of course when he was speaking) so although I sought out some of the great women of history and literature I never understood what it was like to feel the power of a heroine. That is until I saw Sigourney Weaver in Aliens.

My sister dragged me to the sequal and promised that I wouldn't be lost even though I never made it through a whole viewing of the original Alien. From the moment Ripley comes back to life I was hooked. Here was a flawed, jaded, intelligent woman thrust into a incredible situation and forced to dig deep and fight the aliens.

Imagine my surprise when I, the fierce gun control advociate, found myself routing for her to blow those suckers away. At last I understood what my brothers were getting from Batman, comic books and Clint Eastwood movies. When there is someone like you on the big screen or in the center of a big story you connect to their struggle, to their fear but most of all you connect to their power.

Ripley digs deep and comes out a fighter. She doesn't cower in the corner and weep over a superficial wound and she doesn't look pretty while kicking alien butt. She looks strong and powerful and beautiful. She embodies everything a heroine should be to me.

Aliens made me hunger for more. If a hollywood movie could make me feel this way, certainly there were books and women from history that could do the same. Since then I have actively sought out stories that give me that feeling of connectedness and of power. In a way it has become part of a practice I think of as Heroine Worship.

My heroines come in all shapes and sizes and are women from all walks of life. Like their "hero" counterparts, they too are on a journey of discovery. I marvel at the accomplishments and challenges of so many women and yearn to have our stories reflected back in literature, movies, art and the media. I want my nieces and all the young women in our lives to access these stories, to understand the full breadth of experience women can have and most of all I want them to fell that exhiliration when their heroine seizes her power and rises to the challenge.

The stories are out there, the heroines are everywhere, ordinary women doing extraordinary things not waiting for the spotlight of recognition or the acknowledgement of history. My guess is you know a few of them yourself. In fact, you might just be one of them.

Heroine Worship - Part Two - Ordinary Women

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:12:00 +0000

There is a cashier at my local supermarket who greets me with a big smile every time I load my goods on her counter. She is short and a little stocky, has died short red hair that is lightly teased to cover some thinning patches. In the winter she wears a long green sweatshirt under her maroon smock and always has a few tissues stuffed in her left cuff. Her cheeks are pocked from a rough ride with acne during her teen years but a light pink blush highlights her soft brown eyes.

Her son and daughter work part time at the supermarket with her. Her husband is on disability from his job working for a local builder. He is recovering from throat cancer. She has survived two bouts of breast cancer.

She tells me she is grateful for every day as she passes my yogurt, bananas, milk, cookies, eggs, potatoes, cans, jars, and paper goods past the scanner with lightening speed. She doesn't even have to look for the bar code on most of the items, she tilts the packages as if she sees it in her minds eye.

She spent some time in foster care after her mother died and her father drank himself off the grid for a while. He cleaned up, took her and her brother back home for her remaining teen years. She married her high school sweetheart when she got pregnant, had her first baby at eighteen and took her father in when he got too sick to take care of himself. Three years later her daughter was born and her mother-in-law moved in with them.

Her son is diabetic, she shot him with insulin until he was ten and then taught him how to do it. She wants to go to Italy one day but doesn't know when since there is so much to do every day. She thinks I should eat more beets and tells me if I pickle them they will taste better.

She said she misses the sound of her husband's voice, the way he growled a little right before he laughed and in spite of all the rough days they had together they laughed a lot. Now he wheezes a bit when he laughs, his voice is repairing and it will be a while before they know whether or not he will be able to speak.

She works the register like it is an extension of her, another limb that can calculate quickly. She troubleshoots the other cashiers problems and shouts out prices without turning to see the item in question. Her conveyor belt is clean, if your chicken spills juice she wipes it down before the man behind me unloads.

She is taking a class at night, trying to slowly earn her undergraduate degree. She reads two books a week and the paper every day. She likes Hummus now after I told her to try the Horseradish flavor.

She is one of the cashiers at my local supermarket, a mother, a daughter, a student, a friend, a wife and she is a heroine.

Heroine Worship - Part One - It's a bird, it's a plan, it's YOU!

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:05:00 +0000

I’m hosting an evening in New York City at KGB on Thursday night with three terrific women writers (Masha Hamilton, Stacy Parker Aab and Louisa Ermelino) We will be reading from our own work and sharing the incredible true stories of women from the Afghan Women’s Writing Project. The title of the evening is Ordinary Women: Extraordinary Heroines. Our goal is to get you to think about your favorite heroines and if possible, to begin to think of yourself as the heroine of your own story. Over the next few days I will be blogging my thoughts on being a heroine.

Part One -- It's a bird, it's a plane, it's YOU!
What comes to mind when you think about heroines? Is there a book or story that inspired you or is there someone in your life you consider a heroine? Have you ever thought about the women that have influenced you over the years? What qualities do they possess that you admire?

Now think about yourself, what qualities do you like about yourself? What is heroic about you? Have you ever thought of yourself as a heroine (or hero?) If so, why? If no, why not?

The word heroine is expansive. When I give myself permission to think of myself a heroine I have the urge to stand with my hands on my hips and my face pointed toward the sun (exactly like the graphic on our poster!) Heroine is a word that has power. It makes you feel like you are the captain of your ship, the pilot of your plane, the CEO of Corporation You. It feels that way because it is true. You may play lead or supporting roles in other stories but there is no other story in which you are the hero but your own.

Take a moment and imagine a movie or book being written about your life, who would play you? How would you describe YOU as a character in a novel? What would the story be about?

The greatest stories ever told are not always fantastical adventures, in fact, if you want drama, heartache, battles with dark forces, adversity, pain and suffering, chances are you can find it in your own story. The trick is to decide whether you triumph in the end and “live to tell your story” or whether you wither in the background and let fate determine your destiny.

We are all ordinary people and extraordinary heroines. Keeping our stories to ourselves is kind of like having a cape and not using it. So dare to tell your stories with you as the hero, struggling and achieving, and ultimately triumphant. Share your truth with the world. It may just be the most radical thing you ever do.

New Year, Old You

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 21:23:00 +0000

It is clear we all need to improve. If you don't believe it just turn on the television or pick up a magazine and you will find lots of advice on what we can do to stick to our New Year's resolutions. If you believe what you read you will discover we are all fat, lazy, and unhealthy adults who don't save enough money or plan for our future.

I'm all for being the best version of yourself you can be and I have committed to a few New Year's resolutions that include health and well being but my biggest resolution is to appreciate myself more. Sounds crazy, I know but I think the most radical thing any of us can do is to simply like and accept ourselves.

I know it's easier said than done. So much of our thinking and self-awareness is based on messages we are bombarded with daily through the media, our friends and our own personal history. If something goes wrong in our lives, the fault must lie within, bad things wouldn't be happening if we weren't lacking in some area. Feeling bereft of some critical quality or talent leaves us wanting and what is better in a consumer society than that?

I think if I asked you right now to name five things you want to change about yourself you could come up with the list pretty quickly, some of us would have to pare down. Now if I asked you to name five things you like, well I'm guessing that would be a little harder. It's bad enough we don't allow ourselves regular access to those things but when we do we feel embarrassed to "brag" about it.

Back when I was studying acting at NYU I did a love scene with an actor in my class. During the class critique the teacher asked my partner if there was anything specific he did to prepare for the scene, he said, "I focused on Teri's lips, she has the best lips I have ever seen." I was confused by this as I never thought my lips were anything to write home about, they are thin (I barely have an upper lip) and not voluptuous at all. I caught up with him at dinner that night and told him I couldn't believe he said that about my lips. I was trying to convince him that what he liked about me was wrong. He smiled and said, "Teri, you don't get to pick what I like about you."

Sometimes I hear a friend lament the length of their eyelashes, their inability to finish a book quickly, their lack of taste in men, their weight, etc. I rarely hear anyone say, "I like how I look in this or I love how I listen to old people." Why don't we do that?

Maybe the best resolution for all of us us to encourage each other to focus on what is good about each of us and instead of spending our time seeking a new and improved self we should take our old self out for a nice lunch and enjoy its' company. After allm like my scene partner taught me, we don't get to pick what people like about us, we only get to do that for ourselves.

Here's to a New Year filled with wondrous discoveries about YOU!

Happy Holidays?

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:06:00 +0000

I got the call from my Mom on Christmas morning last year that my Aunt Rosemary had passed away in the night. My Mom and Aunt had traveled from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia to be with all of us to celebrate the holiday. I was about to leave to meet everyone there. I spent forty-six Christmases with Rosemary. I got forty Christmases with my Father.

There are a lot of ways of looking at the holidays. You can stack up the frustrations, the anger, the petty jealousies and the massive amount of stress and say it just isn't worth it and truth be told, some years it just isn't. While we had our share of good holidays as a family we also had many that, well let's just say could have included police activity. Time together with our loved ones is often a crap shoot.

There is no way to know how it will go. Some years our hopes are so high we can't help but end up disappointed. For some it is the lack of the Lexus in the driveway with a big red bow and for others it is the failure once again of a loved one to open their heart.

Perhaps the holidays would be easier to bear if we had an idea of how many we would have with each other. If I had know I would get forty Christmases with my father I may not have endured them any better but I would have known I was working with limited opportunities. It wouldn't have made the bad times much better but it would have made me appreciate the smaller moments more.

I have spent the holidays in almost every way one can, I have been alone, gone to the movies, eaten with strangers, and split the day between different families. I have participated in angry quarrels, pulled loved ones off of each other, laughed so hard I cried, and cried so hard I started to laugh. I have watched the unguarded excitement of my nieces and nephews opening their gifts and felt the thrill of knowing that what is inside that package with your name on it is EXACTLY what you wanted.

I have had all the experiences you can have at Christmas, after all it is just another day in a life filled with ups and downs, joys and triumphs, tragedy and accomplishment. And, like you, I keep at it. I keep trying to make my relationships better. I work on letting go of old resentments and I try to let the good times fill me up. I do the best I can to stay connected and to enjoy the time we have together, after all we don't know how many holidays we get to share. It is hard but nothing worth having is ever easy is it?

When all is said and done I take comfort in the notion that in spite of all the trouble, we are all still trying to do our best. And when my best won't do, there is always wine and time spent locked in the powder room sipping it.

Books Are Great Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 14:12:00 +0000

Books have changed my life. It is hard to measure the degrees or the effect, but it is clear, a good book has a way of altering or enhancing your life experience

I love getting books as gifts, especially from people who are passionate about the story, the author or the subject. I am always touched when someone seeks out a special book for me or takes a chance on a story they think I might appreciate it. Over the years some of the best gifts I have gotten have been books. While the list is long (and I am not in front of my bookcase at the moment) I thought I would share some of these treasurers. Feel free to share some of your best book gifts as well.

Next week I'll share some of my favorite books from this year with you (and please send me your favorites as well.) In case you haven't noticed I want you to BUY BOOKS!!!

The Razor’s Edge, W. Somerset Maugham – FIRST EDITION

I read this book right after college on the recommendation of a friend. It was an example of the right story at the right time. When my brother Patrick graduated two years after, I got him a copy and urged him to read it. Twenty years later, after searching for several years, he presented me with a first edition of this great story. When I opened it he said, “I never forgot how much that book meant to me at the time and wanted to give you this as a way of saying thanks.”

Miriam Webster Dictionary – with name embossed in gold on cover.
This was a high school graduation gift from family friends who owned a bookstore. At the time I thought it was kind of a silly and heavy gift but throughout college and even now I pull it out to look up a word or discover a pressed flower or two. Yes, the Internet gives me more options, but the heft and history of this book reminds gives it power.

The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien Leather bound edition
On our way to South America for a family vacation, I picked this paperback up in the airport to have something to read on the long flight. I was twelve going to a foreign land reading a book about a magical world, it was a good fit. My mother bought me this leather bound edition for Christmas a few years ago, it took me back to that wonderful story and a life changing trip.

Very Personally Yours – Kimberly Clarke
Talk about the power of words. When we were given our big puberty talk in sixth grade the girls were given this special booklet produced by the Kimberly Clarke company (the makers of feminine hygiene products) as a way of introducing girls to their periods. This was the early seventies, the book had not been updated since the fifties and was filled with so much misinformation that it was funny to me even then. My intrepid friend Gwyn hunted down an original copy of this for my birthday a while back. It is a prized possession. (The link takes you to a scanned version of this booklet!)

Hatchet – Gary Paulsen
My oldest nephew Wyatt gave me this book as a young lad after reading it and loving it. It is a great story by a writer who knows how to write for young adults. I treasure it as an example of how a love a reading gets passed on from generation to generation.

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues – Tom Robbins
I got this as a gift for my fifteenth birthday along with a red blank journal from another family friend. I immediately started writing in the journal and became a lifelong fan of Tom Robbins. The combination of the two felt like a promise of things to come for me as a writer.

A Portrait of the Theatre by Frederic Ohringer
This is a big sprawling coffee table book of black and white portraits of New York theatre people. It was in the window of Brentano’s on eighth street the first Christmas I was in New York studying acting at NYU. I wanted that book so badly but it was too expensive to consider. I worked as a secretary for a Professor at the time, his assistant bought it as his gift to me. I thanked him but hugged her!

Germinal – Emile Zola
I got this book from a friend in high school who said I had to read it. My father worked for the Steelworkers Union at the time and was active in the labor movement. This book about striking coal miners was one of the most heart wrenching and moving books I have ever read and to this day is one of my all time favorites. This one got passed around everyone in my family.

Like Wings – Philip Shultz
This was a book I bought for myself right after I met with Philip Shultz to get into his graduate poetry class at NYU. I studied with this great poet for a year and read the poems from this book at least once a year. As a teacher he gave me a lot of “tough love” that changed the way I thought about writing and about poetry. As a poet he never fails to get a deep sigh out of me.

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice
My sister claims she did not find this book it found her. She passed it on to me and let’s just say I still think I see glimpses of Lestat in my window at night. I never got the appeal of vampires before this book and after reading it I got it. All this fuss about team Edward or Jacob? I’m on team Lestat and cannot WAIT to turn my nieces on to this book in a few years. I’ll throw in a night light with this one!

Reunited and it feels so good...

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:56:00 +0000

The weekend of October 16th I returned to my hometown of Pittsburgh to attend my thirty year high school reunion and to do some author events. The weekend kicked off with my reading and talk at the Mt. Lebanon Pubic Library. While the building has changed dramatically over the years, the soul of it is the same as I remembered as a young girl. Mt. Lebanon library was a frequent stop for me growing up. It was within biking distance of our house and provided me with unlimited opportunities to learn more about the world and to plan my future.

The room filled up with friends, family, and library supporters. As I looked out in the audience I saw people from my past, high school buddies, my Mom, best friend Gwyn and her husband Lester and many new faces. It was a highlight of the whole book tour.

Gwyn hosted a lunch back at her house after the event with a group of friends from high school. Many of them we had not seen since our ten year reunion or even high school. It was startling to see how quickly we all fell back into our high school banter and reassuring to know that once you are connected to someone it rarely changes just because you lose touch. We ate, talked and most of all did what made us all friends in the first place, we laughed.

The reunion that night was overwhelming. The turnout was great. Thank goodness for the name tags with our high school photos on them as that helped a lot. I spent the evening sharing memories from grade school through high school with lots of classmates.

Sunday I signed books at Barnes & Noble and was visited by a few more friends from high school, including a friend who missed the reunion due to flight delays. Again, it was such a good feeling to reconnect.

Driving back to New York after the weekend I realized I don't really talk a lot about my time in high school. My memory of it was filtered through my burning desire to get out of Pittsburgh and get on with my life. I had forgotten about how rich and important my bonds were with those amazing people. In high school, those friends helped mold me into the adult I became, they accepted me for who I was and encouraged and supported my creative endeavors. They helped me believe I could have a life in New York.

In my haste to move on, I had forgotten that...until now. I am grateful for those days and the love of so many accomplished classmates!

Let there be love...

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:36:00 +0000

It's been a while since I've attended a wedding, the days of having four or five to go to in a month are long gone. Now that I'm in my late forties, those of us that are still single swear that if we ever take the plunge we will do it tastefully and with little fanfare -- we'll see.

At any rate, I had the good fortune to be invited as the guest of a good friend to a wedding that was executed to perfection. The bride had planned everything down to the smallest detail and it showed in the programs, the ribboned wands, the bows and flowers decorating the pews and most of all in the beautiful bridesmaid dresses (chocolate brown gowns) and groomsmen's tuxedos. The bride was glowing as she walked down the aisle and unlike so many others I have seen, she truly looked relaxed and happy this day had finally come. As they made their way to the alter the bright autumn sun glowed through the stained glass windows making me almost wish I was still a Catholic.

And then the Priest began the ceremony.

At first I wasn't sure he had said what he did, he was in the midst of one of many blessings he was bestowing on the couple and mentioned something about marriage ONLY being a union between a man and woman. I gave a sideways glance to my friend who did not register alarm so I figured I had not understood what he said.

As the bride and groom were seated, the elderly white haired Priest slowly made his way to the pulpit where he began a longer talk about the meaning of marriage. He paused and then said, "Our Governor, David Patterson, wants to pass legislation to make same sex marriage legal..." I felt a wave pass through the pews as the Priest went on to declare in no uncertain terms what the position of the Catholic church was on this subject and he urged all of us to vote against any measures to grant equal rights to same sex couples. I'm not sure what was more troubling, the fact that he assumed we were all straight or that we were all Catholic.

A few moments later he said, "all you ever need to know about love you can learn by looking up there," and he pointed to the huge crucifix of Jesus on the cross.

"Indeed," I thought. It is one thing to talk about love and compassion and a whole different thing to actually practice it. While I have my issues with organized religion, I have never taken issue with the message of Christ and his teachings, for what is truly more radical than believing in the power of love?

As anyone knows, love comes in all shapes and sizes and in many forms. It should be honored and celebrated as often as possible. I guess you could say that when it comes to people loving each other I don't have an agenda except that with love comes respect. Love opens you up to possibility, it makes you want others to have what you have, and it forgives those who do not understand its' power.

I was reminded of this at the reception a few hours later, where the guests formed a circle around the bride and groom and clapped as they danced together and kissed. There we were, strangers, friends, families, parents, gay, straight, couples, singletons and children, all of us sinners and saints, flawed and fallible, celebrating the joy that only comes when you let love in. I'm not sure if the Priest would have approved but I'm pretty sure Jesus would have been right there with us.

Advice from Dad...

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:14:00 +0000

October 15th was the seven year anniversary of my father's death. Losing my Dad was definitely one of the big "before" and "after" markers of my life. My father was a very complicated person who had a wise and twisted view of the world. He was never one to shy away from giving advice and throughout my life offered far more than I wanted. So in memory of my father I thought I would pass a few of these little gems on to you dear reader:

On Traveling:

Always eat breakfast -- it's the hardest meal to fuck up. When in doubt eat lots of bread.

On Relationships:

If you think you want to marry someone take a really long trip with them, if you are still getting along after that, you might have a chance at marriage. (Note to reader: my father was a terrible travel companion -- I think if my mother had followed this advice I would not have been born!)

On driving on the turnpike:

Find your channel and stay in it (still not sure what this meant but I always think of it when I'm driving.)

On teachers and other authority figures:

Don't ever let anyone put any bullshit into your head -- including me -- think for yourself for God's sake!

General advice for anyone giving you a hard time:

Split a brick over his/her head (while the visual on this is quite startling, there is no recorded incident where my father ever actually did this but he advised us to on a regular basis.)

On managing money:

Always have a relationship with a bartender who will cash a check for you on the weekends. (When Dad told me this before I left for NYU I asked him why I couldn't use an ATM. He said it was always good to have a relationship with a bartender anyhow. )

On drinking:

See above on having a relationship with a bartender.

On surviving a nuclear holocaust:

Sardines will be the only food available, learn to like them now. (He stockpiled cans of sardines and said he would be happy to sell them to me in the event of a nuclear war for $300 a can - that would be the family price - he assured me others would pay more.)

On doing the right thing:

At the end of the day all you have is the courage of your convictions, stand up for what you believe in and be prepared to fight for it.

On being on your own:

There is a difference between being alone and lonely. You can be lonely in a room full of people -- don't ever confuse the two.

Best advice he gave me at five and continuing throughout my life:

You can do anything you want to do in life.

I hope you find these tips useful if not please don't split a brick over my head and if you know of a good bartender please let me know, I'm still looking for one.

Back to the Future?

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:03:00 +0000

I'm heading to Pittsburgh this weekend for a few author appearances and to attend my 30 year high school reunion. As the date has gotten closer I find myself thinking a lot about the past and the girl I was in high school and how she became the person I am today.

I have to admit I have never been someone who lived in the past or thought very much about it. I don't believe in regret and strive to make the most of all my experiences both good and bad. I keep many stories in my repertoire and enjoy reminiscing every now and then but for the most part I am all about the future, often at the expense of the present.

Back in high school, all I wanted was to leave Pittsburgh. This started around the time I was twelve and was my primary focus until I landed in Greenwich Village in the fall of 1979. My focus was on my future, away from my town, my family and the pain of my childhood. I was sure my life was in New York and wanted it to begin as soon as possible. Every day I spent at home felt like time served before my release into the real world.

That drive affected how I approached everything from school to extra-curricular activities to relationships. Every test, homework assignment, paper and course needed to be good, my grades had to be the best they could be. When I discovered my creative passions, I knew they would be a lifelong pursuit and I wanted to make full use of the opportunities afforded to me. I took every performance seriously, studied every facet of acting and writing I could. Even in my relationships with boys I kept things casual. Although I had deep feelings for a few incredible young men, I didn't want anything to keep me from my goal.

Yes, I had good times, formed a lifelong bond with my friend Gwyn, and enjoyed my accomplishments but still, I was living for the future.

As news about the reunion spread to my classmates, I reconnected with so many wonderful people from that time, many of whom have commented that my life turned out exactly as they had thought it would and that I "haven't changed at all."

While this is incredibly flattering (especially the comments about still looking the same) it has made me think a lot about the past. It is one thing to have goals and another to not be present in the here and now. As I was focusing on the future, I was not seeing a lot of what was good in my life. I was waiting for my life to begin in New York rather than seeing it was already blooming in Mt. Lebanon.

On Saturday I will be doing an author talk at the Mt. Lebanon Public Library, the same library I used to ride my baby blue banana seat bike to on the weekends to return books and find new, exciting stories of women living adventurous lives in faraway places. I would sit back in the stacks imagining and manifesting my future, never knowing decades later my adventures would lead me right back where I started. I worried then, as I still do, that I will not get to where I want to go, that my dreams are not attainable. Again, it is hard to see what is when you are focused on what could be.

A few weeks ago I got an email from a young woman who had learned about my appearance at the library and went to my website. "Tell me more about yourself," she said. I responded and asked her about herself. She said she loved the library and was a dedicated reader and an aspiring writer, she told me about her plans, her goals and her dreams. She said she couldn't wait to get there.

I know she wouldn't have understood if I had said, "take you're time," anymore than I would have so many years ago. The desire to succeed, to make a name for yourself is a powerful one but as I am learning it should never come at the expense of standing still and taking in what is good now.

After my talk, I'll take a walk back into the stacks and think of that girl I was then and let her know she did okay...hell she did better than okay. I will take a moment to remind myself, as I do every day, that the journey is better than the destination and throughout the weekend I will do what I couldn't do back then, I will appreciate being home.

Male Bonding...

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:00:00 +0000

For me, the key to doing research for a book is to make sure you are writing about something of great interest. Nothing could be more interesting to me than the male point of view. In my second novel, I am writing a story about a love affair between a man and woman told from both points of view and boy is it interesting writing through the eyes of a man.

Although I am still in the drafting stage, I have already concluded that when it comes to all the relationships I've had with men...well...I think I've gotten it completely wrong. I just don't think men work the way I thought they did. That's the bad news...the good news...well they aren't as complicated as I thought. Of course the irony is that most of the men I have known have been trying to tell me this for decades, I ignored this, assuming the comment was just another layer of...complication.

Writing from the first person point of view of a man has literally made me see things through his eyes and what I've seen is a revelation. Most of the time men and women just aren't speaking the same language. Women interpret, men act. While that may be simplistic, I think it is pretty true. The first time this hit me was in writing a scene where the man buys the woman a pair of earrings. He has observed her admire them and put them back and figures it would be nice to get them for her so he does. Writing as the man, this seemed simple.

Writing as the woman though, she opens the box and sees the earrings she had liked and tries to understand the meaning of the gesture. Her instinct was to interpret, how did he know I liked them? Why did he do this? How should I respond? If she asks him he will probably say, "I thought you would like them." She will undoubtedly be disappointed by that response and assume there was more to it than that.

I'm not saying she is wrong but I'm also not saying he is wrong either. What is so cool about writing the same story from both perspectives is that neither is wrong or right, they just are -- the intersection of these points of view is where all the drama, passion, conflict and connection comes from.

Although there are many things I admire about the way men approach things there are two (so far) that resonate with me. The first is that men don't hold onto emotion. Yes, this can be annoying sometimes but is also wonderful. I can count all the times I've had an argument with a man and a few hours later have asked him if he was still mad and the response, "about what?" Men tend to let things go, you fight, you have makeup sex and it's over. Women tend to ruminate on it, analyze and hold onto comments. Sometimes that's not so good.

The second thing is that, for the most part, men don't analyze our looks they way we think they do (or worse the way we analyze ourselves or each other.) While they always take heat for answering "yes" to the question "do these jeans make me look fat." We give them grief because what we hear is, "you are fat therefore I am not attracted to you nor is anyone else on the planet."

That is not what he means, he means, well, you look fat in those jeans but that is all. Men don't scan every inch of your body for flaws, let's face it, they don't really have time to do that, they like to get down to business (remember they like to 'act?')

"Truth be told," a male friend of mine said to me once during a conversation we had about women's breasts, "it's all good." Before I started writing from a male point of view I wouldn't have believed him, now I see what he means. It's kind of like cookies, some you like more than others but hey it's still a COOKIE!

I am grateful to the men in my life for helping me with this male bonding experience. Glad I have men who will happily answer questions for me about their bodies, their impressions and their feelings. The more I write as a man the more I understand. I am hoping my research will payoff in the book and in life as well. I'm hoping it is good prep for when Mr. Right finally shows up.

What's happening with the second book?

noreply@blogger.com (Teri Coyne) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:12:00 +0000

The second most common question I get asked (after people want to know if the book is about me) is when am I coming out with a second book.

For those of you who follow me on Facebook or Twitter you know I have been working on it pretty seriously for the last year or so. This summer I ramped up the pace of the writing and have set some pretty strict deadlines for myself to get it in shape. I promise it will not take as long as the first book. (It can't, I don't have that kind of patience anymore!)

Writing the second book feels different. While it is easier to structure the book and I do have a much better understanding of how to put the story together, I also have the weight of the first book sitting on my shoulders, sometimes it is an angelic presence, reminding me I can do it and other times it is devilish, making me question whether or not this book is as good or as relevant as The Last Bridge. All those thoughts dance through my head as I first sit down to write. As I climb back into the story they dissipate and the momentum of the plot takes over. The characters come alive and start speaking to me and for a while, I am lost and not thinking or worrying about anything else other than what happens next.

As I get further along (that's code for as soon as I have a solid draft which should be within a month or so) I will talk a little bit more about it. I can say this, it takes place in Bali, and there is no suicide note.