Whenever I watch a movie with some epic event happening to or around military personnel, the only thing that goes through my head is, “I wonder what those guys are thinking.”

I like to think about things from alternate points of view, or maybe I just identify with them more than I do the average bystander in a movie or game. It’s like Metal Gear Solid–I wouldn’t be Solid Snake, I’d be the poor guard standing post at 3 AM about to get his neck broken.

Back to the movie, I believe they were some kind of Air Force special forces or something that showed up in the fight scene between Superman and Zod. They didn’t really do anything other than offer a sense of scale to just how badass everyone else was. In fact, that’s largely the role of any military in these epic action movies surrounding mythical characters. Look at The Incredible Hulk, a movie where The Hulk basically goes around and fucks shit up while the military is helpless to do anything but shit their pants. Just once, I’d like to see a superhero movie from the point of view of some pissed off Lance Corporal that feels totally helpless in the wrath of clashing heroes.

As for the movie itself, to be honest I was pretty disappointed in it. I’m not as big of a Superman fan as I am Captain America or Batman, but he’s always been one of my favorites. Superman Returns was a shitty movie, to be sure, but this one wasn’t much better for completely different reasons. On a note of storytelling, there was way too much exposition in the film. Zak Snyder spends way too much time over-explaining the mythology of Krypton, yet somehow being simultaneously really vague about the technology at work. The perspective changes way too much, you’re never really sure if it’s a movie about Jor-El, Clark Kent or Lois Lane; I suppose all three is the correct answer, but it takes the personal battle of Clark’s plight out of it. Also, I know the comics have desperately tried to explain where Superman’s mythology comes from, but I think it gets to a point where enough is enough.

Superman was published in Action Comics #1 in 1938. There really weren’t any other superheroes prior to this. He wore a cape, could fly, had laser and Xray vision, and super strength. They didn’t explain why, it didn’t really matter. As the years went on, more and more of Superman’s past was filled in to make up for the creators’ lack of shits given, and now we have the mess that we see in Man of Steel. Superman’s suit isn’t really a super-suit, it’s a Kryptonian fashion norm. Superman’s “S” on his chest isn’t actually an “S,” it means “Hope” on Krypton.

Just fucking stop, it’s stupid. The “S” is for Superman, the suit is because he’s a fucking superhero. We don’t need all this Kryptonian bullshit to fill in the blanks. Really, it actually makes everything about him less meaningful because he didn’t choose to don a suit and become Superman, it’s all just stuff from his home world he decided to put on. Batman Begins is a much better example of how to sell a superhero outfit: “I need to become a symbol, something greater than myself.” According to Man of Steel and the modern bullshit mythology of Superman, he didn’t make a decision like that, he just found a suit that was a regular fashion staple of his home world. The old way of doing it was more layered–the suit was a costume, the diamond shape around the “S” was a symbol for being indestructible, the colors of Red, Yellow and Blue are the primary colors; which are the strongest colors. It had intent behind it.

Anyway, there’s more I could rant about as far as the film goes, but I don’t want to post any spoilers if you haven’t seen it. At the very least, Henry Cavill is a good looking guy and does a good job filling the role of Superman.

Even though he’s British.

On another note, to celebrate the release of Terminal Lance: Head Call, I’m offering up limited edition prints for sale! Click here to order.

If you want to purchase “Head Call,” click here. Remember, you don’t need a Kindle to read it. You can download the Kindle reader app on your PC, Mac, smartphone or tablet for free.

To celebrate the release of Terminal Lance: Head Call, I’m offering limited edition prints of the cover art for purchase!

These prints are 8.5 x 11″ on Kodak photo paper, all of them individually packaged and autographed by the creator of Terminal Lance, Max (me).

Click the “Buy a Print” button above this blog post to purchase!

Only $20.00 with free shipping!

“Head Call” features the first 100 Marine Corps Times exclusive strips, with added commentary on each one! If you’re a fan of Terminal Lance but don’t or can’t read the Marine Corps Times newspaper, this is the perfect place to catch up. The majority of the strips have never been seen outside of the Marine Corps Times!

*EDIT* Terminal Lance: Head Call is now available for purchase on the Kindle store!

You see Marines get awful tattoos all the time. In Abe’s case, I think this is appropriate for an 0351 with plenty of Time in Grade. At a certain point you kind of just give up. My case, for example:

I was never NJP’d, I was a good member of my platoon, no Page 11′s or non-rec’s, I held team leader billets and such, but always managed to stay low enough on the radar to avoid instigation. I did my job, and I did it well. The cutting score system failed me in this regard. A good, normal Marine such as myself was unable to pick up E-4 prior to ending my contract because it was either in the upper 1700′s all the time or closed out completely. I’ve talked about this a lot, I know. The main problem with the system is its reliance on the MOS to define the score.

Take a Weapons Platoon for example (like my own). You’ve got 0331′s, 0341′s, and 0351′s in the same platoon. Often, the platoon is turned into another rifle platoon or mounted, where everyone kind of does the same job anyway. The MOS itself becomes kind of irrelevant. I was a machinegunner in Iraq, but I wasn’t actually an 0331. However, what happened in my instance was all of our friendly Mortarmen and Machinegunners in my peergroup ended up picking up Corporal–as they deserved–whereas my entire section of 0351′s was nothing but Lance Corporals. The argument here isn’t that my Weapons brethren didn’t deserve the rank of E-4, it’s that we did too. I wasn’t the only one to hold these billets and still not see the coveted rank of Corporal, there were at least 4 other Marines that could put the exact same things on their resumes and were equally glossed over.

Of course, this is just an instance of three MOS’s in the Marine Corps. I understand that the infantry isn’t the only thing going on in the Corps, in fact it is the minority, but the cutting score system doesn’t do them any favors. Then, you have random 0352′s picking up Corporal as soon as they rate a score. Same shit, but now they’re considered an “NCO,” even if they’re a total boot.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter. They ironically promoted me to E-4 3 months after my EAS. If I could give my E-4 rank to some poor Active Duty Lance Corporal in Afghanistan that can’t pick up for the same reasons I didn’t, I’d gladly hand it over.

Sorry for the late update, I spent all day going over my new eBook, Terminal Lance: Head Call.

Head Call is now available for purchase on Kindle!

I’ve previously discussed the internal consequences of eating nothing but MRE’s, but this is still painfully true. To be honest, MRE’s aren’t all that bad. I’ve known quite a few MRE “chefs” in my time that can put together some pretty delicious combinations of the packaged food-like products they feed you in the field. The main problem with eating them is the fact that they “back you up” quite a bit. While there are some benefits to this–such as not needing to use the potty during training–the feeling of not shitting for three or four days is actually kind of awful. You just feel it.

And not in a good way.

There’s a lot to be said about MRE’s, much more than one comic or blog post can cover. These things are made with the utmost quantity of preservatives. However, despite popular belief, the shelf life of the MRE isn’t actually 10 years or whatever ridiculous number people come up with. Generally, an MRE is good for about a year. I’ve actually had bad MRE’s before in the field, ones that were sitting in supply a bit too long before being passed out to us poor grunts. What were supposed to be “Shortbread Cookies” turned out to taste closer to paint or bleach, as the amalgam of chemicals and other preservatives had surely gone bad by then.

You know it’s probably not good when you get an MRE menu item that is no longer in production. If your first thought is, “I thought they stopped making this MRE?”

You’re probably right.

In other news, I’ll just leave this here…

Coming Soon!

(This seems strangely relevant to today’s comic)

Also, did you know you can order a high-res, autographed print of most of the first 200 strips? To do so, use the search bar to find the comic you’re looking for, and click the “Buy a Print” button above the blog post. Allow a couple of days to process, print and sign.

I could never do it.

I could never be a Drill Instructor.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect what they do. Without DI’s we wouldn’t have Marines. It’s hard, difficult work and not everyone is cut out for it. I consider myself one of those people. I couldn’t be a DI because I just don’t think I would enjoy being a complete asshole 24/7 for 3 months straight. That’s a very demanding regimen of eating nothing but recruit dignity and sorrow, and I’ve never been particularly good at dieting.

But really, it does take a special kind of person to actually be a good Drill Instructor. You can’t just yell all the time, or no one takes you seriously. I found that the new DI’s tend to yell the most. They think that’s the way to get results, when really, it was much scarier when one of them didn’t wear their anger on the surface. When you didn’t know what they were thinking… that’s when you would shit your pants. Having someone screaming in your face is something you get used to, rather quickly I might add, so it becomes a little less intimidating after a while.

Again though, I have plethoric respect for those that wear the campaign cover. It’s just a tough job, babysitting 60-100 mildly-retarded recruits that smell like a combination of sweaty shit and Cobra 65.

So, good on you, Drill Instructors. I could never do what you do, and would never want to.

Sorry for the late update, I had a doctor’s appointment today that went a bit long. In other news, stay tuned over the next few days for an announcement that may or may not be related to a compilation book of Marine Corps Times strips that have never been featured online.

Also, don’t forget that you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and even Instagram.

You’d be surprised at how much I saw this attitude going to a private art school in the Bay Area.

Okay… maybe you wouldn’t be that surprised, but still, it’s annoying as shit.

Please, tell me more about how you spent 22 years of your life in institutionalized education, and how that makes you a more well-rounded adult than someone who spent four years in the military. Tell me more about how your parents pay for your college, and your weekend partying, and your car. Tell me more about how being born with a silver spoon embedded in your rectum made you too good to join the military.

After all, only poor people join the military right?

No, and you’re an idiot. If this is your mentality, do me a favor and suck my modestly above average-sized, digitally camouflaged cock.

If having a bachelor’s degree makes you better than someone who was in the military, what does it make me when I have a bachelor’s degree and four years of the best and worst experiences of my life under my belt? On top of that, I haven’t asked my parents for a fucking penny since the day I left for the Holiday Inn and MEPS at the age of 19.

The idea that only poor, underprivileged souls could possibly bother to go to combat is a tired idea and it needs to go away. Being spoon-fed through your shit-hole your entire life doesn’t make you an adult.

Go out into the world and do something. Most of us in the military already have.

*Edit:

You know, I didn’t really realize how angry this sounded when I wrote it. To provide a counterpoint, I should add that I’m not implying that everyone should be in the military or needs to be. I’m saying that I hate hearing privileged kids with no life perspective tell me they were too good for the military, implying that I didn’t actually join because of my own personal and very important reasons, but because I was poor and must have needed to so I could pay for school. Also, having a degree doesn’t mean you know more than someone that spent four years in the military instead.

Oh Chesty, making his 2nd appearance in Terminal Lance.

Of course, Chesty has a point. I talked about this quite a bit last year, and frankly I still feel the same way. Memorial Day is a national holiday dedicated to remembering the fallen. This much is true and should be regarded with absolute respect. With that said, I think every Marine I’ve ever met would rather see me spend the day enjoying my freedom–a gift bestowed upon me through the sacrifice of good men–then spend all day on Facebook trying to make people feel bad. I think a moment of silence, a thought of remembrance, a deep breath in solemn respect for those that gave their lives, is enough for any ghost of Marines past to feel satisfied.

Memorial Day, like other military holidays, usually brings with it a hefty amount of derp from civilians and and military alike in the realm of social media. On one hand you have idiots who never served saying that our fallen brethren don’t deserve respect. On the other, you have vets and active service members alike witch-hunting and upsetting themselves over it.

I mentioned this previously, but a free society is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you have absolute freedom to say and do whatever you want. On the other, you have the absolute freedom to say and do whatever you want. An undereducated civilian with a lack of perspective is an unfortunate truth in our society, and he or she has the freedom to be this way because of the sacrifice given to them by the brave. While I fully support an effort to remind them of the price paid for their first world problems, I also think most people would be better off just taking Memorial Day off the internet and using it to reflect in their own way on the freedoms we cherish. It would probably be better off for everyone involved, at least.

Anyway, a late update today, because like most people I spent Memorial Day enjoying myself rather than working. I took my dog to the park, and he played in the water. How can you not love that?

Charlie the Dog on Memorial Day

That’s my dog–he’s my best friend. I’d fight for that.

I feel like this strip might not really apply to places like Camp Pendleton or Lejeune, but to those of us that were stationed in Hawaii or even you Okinawa vets, surely it’s something you’ve seen happen. While aboard beautiful Kaneohe Bay, it seemed like every weekend there was some new incident involving locals out in town. The Marines would have the same story every time, “They just jumped us,” when in actuality, you know Marines aren’t always the most tactful of species. Additionally, it was usually the same Marines that seemed to always get jumped out in town. Strangely, in all the three and a half years I was there, I never once ran into any locals that meant me ill-harm. Either I just hung out in the right neighborhoods, or I’m just not a complete asshole.

Of course, I’m not saying that violent crimes don’t happen for no reason, because of course they do.

All I’m saying is, well, I know Marines.

There actually was an incident, if I remember correctly, where a Hawaiian local had somehow gotten onto Marine Corps Base Hawaii and attacked a Marine. This was back in like 2010 though, and my memory is really fuzzy at this late hour, and I couldn’t find the story online, so oh well.

And pro-tip: Just cause you’re a big, bad, scary U.S. Marine, does not mean you can take a 300-lb Samoan dude (or woman).

Unfortunately, this strip is coinciding with a rather awful and horrific event in London recently, where a British soldier was violently killed with a meat cleaver in the streets by Muslim extremists. This is, of course, completely and absolutely NOT what this strip is about, if there was any confusion there.

So for those of you that keep track of the festivities around here, I put this strip up for public consumption with the last speech bubble left blank for your filling pleasures. This strip was submitted by a Josh Bell, I liked it because he went the extra mile and changed the background and everything. I wanted to do this because I believe that nothing I put in there would be the definitive statement made by douchebros everywhere. You know who I’m talking about; all Marines have run into the douchebro that bestows upon you the tale of why he couldn’t join the Marines. There’s always a reason, and it’s usually pretty half-hearted.

Of course, don’t get the wrong idea here, I’m not suggesting that everyone should join the Marines. No, fortunately I think the current system works well. An all-volunteer force means that only those who actually have a vested personal interest in sacrificing their freedom for 4 years will actually get the chance to say they did. There are many people in this country who simply aren’t meant to join the military, and that’s totally fine.

I think a problem many veterans have (I include myself here) is that we expect out of civilians what we know to be qualities of Marines. This is a struggle for us as we return to the civilian world; but it’s important to remember that in a free society, people will be as they are. Having expectations for people is counter-intuitive to the idea of true democracy and freedom. This is why I hate seeing all of those pro-veteran, anti-civilian memes on Facebook and such during military holidays like Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day.

Some people aren’t meant to enlist, and you can’t hold that against them.

In other news, I apologize for the late update, but I was terribly distracted by all of this XBOX One business. Not to mention Collar Duty: Ghosts. On a side note, I am responsible for this week’s Into the Mangrove, so check it out!

Stolen from Reddit

Here are some other notable entries:

John Fuller

Brandon Toum

Alfonso Chieffo