Texts From Last Night

(201): The smell of pee and...

Mon, 19 Apr 2021 06:12:01 -0400

(201): The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him.

(253): That confirms what...

Mon, 19 Apr 2021 06:02:02 -0400

(253): That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.

(317): This is the most exciting...

Mon, 19 Apr 2021 05:02:01 -0400

(317): This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs.

(305): Want to go to Victoria’s...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 08:02:01 -0400

(305): Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
(813): Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!

(651): scale of one to ten how...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 07:02:02 -0400

(651): scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles.

(870): Just because I'm...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 06:02:02 -0400

(870): Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.

(316): I’m not sure she knows my...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 05:22:01 -0400

(316): I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”.

(253): It’s so white trash that...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 05:12:02 -0400

(253): It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.

(870): If work found out I was...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 05:02:02 -0400

(870): If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.

(256): Never in my life did I...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 08:02:02 -0400

(256): Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women.

(218): Remember the Giant sandworm...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 07:12:02 -0400

(218): Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.

(715): What is the best medium...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 07:02:02 -0400

(715): What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?

(305): Of course he did! You’ve...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 06:22:01 -0400

(305): Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!

(612): The covid immunization shot...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 06:12:02 -0400

(612): The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.

(317): Apparently I told the mayor...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 06:02:02 -0400

(317): Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife.