that cat could

just because

2010-01-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

Sunset pictures I've been hoarding. [I thought a little change of scene might be nice.]

but now I'm ready

2009-12-24T18:22:00.000-08:00

The Christmas gifts were opened days ago [we are crap at keeping happy secrets from each other], but the tree was the big surprise this year. I think the mister is tickled to know I honestly didn't expect it.

Just Charlie Brown enough to be perfect; I am enchanted. And pleased. And turning quickly to a teary, happy pile of mush.

So I guess Christmas really is here. And I guess I'm in it.

Merry Christmas!

one big breakfast and I'm down for the count

2009-12-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

I am already blissed out and sleepy.

tonight's highlights

2009-12-23T21:58:00.000-08:00

Overhearing this: You look like a lizard drinking water from a bird bath.

I'm going to have to work that into my rotation.

*

Tea and cookies with friends. And not just any friends, but dear friends who are leaving town in a month. [Portland! I shake my fist at you! You are a black hole that sucks in everything cool.]

*

A second look at How To Cook Your Life.

we made it

2009-12-23T17:49:00.000-08:00

Phew!

Guilt be gone.

thwarted!

2009-12-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

I was thinking that netflixed movies and cups of hot, rum-spiked cider would make for a perfectly happy afternoon.

But lingering guilt about still not having my cards done (!) and what I thought was a nudge from the mister pressed me into Christmas-letter editing action. I sense a trip to the post office is in my immediate future.

I still believe I was on the right track with the movies and the drinking before noon. But I'm sure in the long run I will be grateful that I took the time to send my thoughts and love to family.

good mornin' Wednesday

2009-12-23T07:56:00.000-08:00

but yes to cookies

2009-12-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

I've forgotten how many drafts we always go through to get our Christmas letter just right. I've also forgotten how much I love peanut butter cookies.

Two important lessons recalled.

we are expert procrastinators

2009-12-22T15:55:00.001-08:00

The mister and I sat until our bodies trembled from the caffeine, but still we did not start our Christmas cards.

I did, however, figure out how the focus works on ShakeItPhoto. A small victory. But a lasting gift.

two wheelin', fancy free

2009-12-22T13:01:00.001-08:00

We are generally more agreeable when we're out on our bikes.

*

ps. This is my first shot with the ShakeItPhoto app. A hot romance is sure to ensue. Thanks, Sarah, for the tip.

twentyFIRST

2009-12-21T14:09:00.000-08:00

I am a little surprised to find myself more enchanted by the magic of the solstice than Christmas this year. Or maybe I am in for a wondrous week.

Happy solstice, friends.

but here is something

2009-12-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

My spirits are on the up, and here is why: peppermint bark.

It's a recent addition to my repertoire; I usually opt out of out anything in the minty genus. But last year, the planets aligned and not only did I find an open tin of peppermint bark (of the Trader Joe's variety) at my mom's house that practically invited attack, but I also discovered a recipe for what promised to be a truly decadent version of the bark on Orangette. My fate was sealed.

Here is what I can say: if you are feeling down about Christmas, or even generally not into it this year, go immediately to your kitchen and crush some peppermint candy. Seriously. Not only will it vent a bit of your latent hostility (you know, should there be any) but it will also infuse your home with the loveliest pepperminty smell. And render grinchiness completely impossible. You will be instantly fa la la-ing and harking heralds and jingle bell rocking.

What's more, that second layer -- the bittersweet chocolate layer -- will also fill your head with dreams. Once chocolate, peppermint extract and cream hit the pan, you will dream of the world's most luxurious peppermint chocolate chip ice cream. This was by far my favorite part of the recipe (if you couldn't tell). I see visions of peppermint bark spin-offs. And my hope for next year is to bestow pints of ice cream to those on my list.

There is a new air of festivity over here. And it all started with this.

Seriously good. And seriously magical.

the American experience?

2009-12-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

I have chosen to be a city mouse, rather than a suburban one. But sometimes I wonder if I am missing out on something quintessential about America.

counting down

2009-12-17T14:00:00.000-08:00

T minus three hours until my two-week winter break begins.

Please don't let this sniffling and sneezing I'm doing today be the harbinger of a flu.

almost halfway

2009-12-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

I will try leave my desk for walks so I don't entirely miss the bright. I will try to make the most of the sunset light that flits by around 3pm every day. I will try not to succumb to the warmth of my bed earlier than, say, 6.

*****

It is lovely, though; isn't it? All these excuses for glowy lights, hot drinks, and cozy sweaters.

Merry. With just a tad of Christmas.

2009-12-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

[These may at first appear to contradict the story below, but I made them in last year's flurry of activity. And still they wait.]

There has been a remarkable lack of Christmas around these parts. Which makes me think I have suffered one of two possible fates:

I am the rube in someone else’s Christmas miracle story, whereby our personalities were magically switched during something as innocent as a handshake, say, and she gets to experience all the Christmas magic her usual Scroogy self has missed.

I have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with an android.

Maybe I should I back up a bit here. It’s not so much the lack of hall decking that has raised my suspicions, but it is the fact that I am unphased by said undecked halls that has me worried. Though I tend to the last minute – I have been known to wake up at 3 am to ensure Mom’s mantle was appropriately covered in coffee-filter snowflakes in time for the Christmas brunch that would begin at 9 am – I am a round-the-clock schemer of such crazy holiday feats. But this year? Not one scheme has hatched. There have been blips of ideas is all. And no wish to make them into anything more than that. No internal push at all.

Actually, that’s only half true. I am chock-full of internal push, but it is geared toward the longer term projects on my list, like:

sewing curtains for the kitchen,
sorting the stacks of books that now live on the floor and making room for them on the bookcase,
painting the bathroom,
unpacking that last, lingering box,
planting the little succulent garden that I have long dreamed of having live on my dining table.

I know: WTF?! I could be glittering and pom-ponning, festooning and wrapping for chrissakes! But all I want to do is nest. Not in the half-assed way I normally do wherein I unpack, sort, and put away most things (you know, except for the two or so boxfuls of miscellany I can't decide where to store), and not in the way that leaves a long list of uncompleted projects that I wistfully recall on my eventual moving day; I want to get it all done: art hung, tchochkes arranged, chairs placed just so.

I have ruled out a virus. I feel just fine: no fever, no clammy, no aching. I could also find reason to suspect my android theory. I’m sure a robotic version of me would emit sparks in the shower, or that the circuitry would get gummed up with all the food I dribble on myself and robo-Erin would end up lost in a buffering loop or some other telling slowdown, which I have not done.

Maybe I have been volunteered to beta test an altered, upgraded, 3.0 version of the holiday season that grants extra time rather than sucking every last second away? [Now that would be the stuff of legend.]

the fast and the glorious

2009-12-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

It's felt impossible to squeeze in any time for introspection this week, what with all the going. But it's been so good it doesn't seem right to complain.

effing magic

2009-12-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

Once again, an unexpected musical performance rescues my day from ordinariness.

comfort and joy

2009-12-08T10:23:00.000-08:00

Sunday
four cheese pizza and a slice of fudge cake with ice cream (which can magically transform any day into your birthday)

Monday
$1 tacos and pints of Bud on draft

Okay. It's been pretty good around here.

new tricks

2009-12-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

I am finding ways to let go of my expectations and disappointments.
The small and ridiculous ones, at least. But it’s a start.

these are some words I never thought I'd write

2009-12-03T09:34:00.000-08:00

Apparently, Dick Cheney and I have something in common: calling a game before it's really over.

No sooner did I condemn fall to history than it sprouted again. Red and gold and delightful all anew [and click, click, click went my shutter]. So, here you go. The REAL last throes of autumn. Which I will conjure for your enjoyment also because it seems to wind the clock back a bit. Something we could all probably use right about now.

[Uff. My December to-do list gets bigger every time I think about it.]

twelve/one

2009-12-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! It's December.

she hates Mondays most of all

2009-11-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

We adjust so readily to a life of leisure, she and I. It's true after only 2 days. Give us 5 days? Forget it.

I am grumpy to leave. And she is furious to watch me go.

in the spirit

2009-11-27T11:39:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was slow to win me over. Christmas always held the most enchantment, first because of the promise of material gain -- between Santa Claus and the guilt of divorced parents I made out pretty well every year -- then because of ballet and the endless Nutcracker rehearsals that marked the season. Nutcracker is such a funny show. I think the viewing of it (for anyone over the age of nine) makes one cynical about the holidays, but the performing in it is sure to reawaken a sense of wonder. I loved to watch the tree grow night after night. I loved to hear the kids gasp as the mice entered the stage to do battle with the Nutcracker and his soldiers. I loved to watch my friends grow into Sugar Plum Fairy pas de deux; how graceful and elegant they had become.

Anyway, Christmas was it for me: the ultimate holiday. Until I worked in a costume shop. I was old enough then to legally enter bars, and young enough still to relish the permissiveness of a night where sluttier alter egos were not only allowed but encouraged. In parallel, I also discovered how sensual it is to ready a pumpkin for carving. Together, these overpowered my terrific fear of spiders and general dislike of the gory and shockingly scary. I could grow to accept those, just throw a candle in the jack-o-lantern, and hand me and my plunging neckline a beer.

Oh, Halloween and I did have some fun.

I can’t say with precision when that love affair faded. Perhaps it was the eleventy-hundredth time the mummy jumped out from behind the painting hanging ten feet away from the cash register where I rang up hundreds of girls with the same sexy costume, where I asked 50 or so people if they could kindly bag the plastic spiders in their cart that I was too afraid to touch, and where I tried to convince other girls’ boyfriends that hospital scrubs dont' really qualify as a costume. Or, I don’t know, maybe you just wake up one day and know in your bones that once your ~~corset~~ costume is drenched in an entire bottle of champagne by an eager co-worker at the employee ‘we-made-it-through-another-one’ party, there are few places left for Halloween to take you.

So I lit upon Thanksgiving: food, family, still a bit of alcohol -- but no gifts, and overall much kinder to committed relationships than vodka-logged, hormone-fueled late nights in costume. Actually, I love the pies and yams and cranberry sauce. On this one day I even love dish washing.

Bald tires and threats of snow conspired to foil grandma's designs on getting us up to Oregon for the holiday this year. "I'm old," she tells us, "and this could very well be my last Thanksgiving." [Don't fear for her. She is more shameless than frail.] I suppose I should have viewed this change in plans as an opportunity to re-ignite my aspirations of making a pumpkin pie entirely from scratch. I suppose I should have tried to conjure up a full Thanksgiving feast with all the fixins, sized for two. Instead, we made pumpkin risotto and baked apples and enjoyed them from bed. And you know what? Thanksgiving was still Thanksgiving -- even without excessive puttering around in the kitchen. It was great, actually.

It allowed time to wonder if it means anything that I have been dreaming almost exclusively of Make Something Day (which is today!). It allowed the space to get started a little early. And I see my crafting plans stretching out into the weeks ahead.

It allowed time to understand what my apparently fickle heart is trying to tell me: that the stretch of time between the big turkey dinners is actually the most wonderful time of year.

Happy making.

the thank you list

2009-11-26T11:12:00.000-08:00

[Oh, it's a good exercise, I think. Lest I lose perspective and allow myself to get cynical.]

I am thankful for cute high-heeled shoes, the existence of leg warmers, and one porteur-style bicycle rack that is making its way to me.

I am thankful for red leaves and chimneys and the twinkle of tiny Christmas lights.

I am thankful for new friends. And one in particular who shall remain nameless because I am still at the phase where I find her a bit intimidating.

I am thankful for the soft moan of a cello.

I am thankful for my grandma. And for the memories I have of eating pomegranates on her back porch while wearing nothing but undies and one of grandpa's old undershirts. I am thankful for those early mornings when I climbed into her bed and waited for grandpa to serve us both coffee from fancy tea cups.

I am thankful to have found a new grandma (in law) who can fill the void my mom's mom left when she died.

I am thankful for achieving an understanding in this marriage that we can each follow our own star. If we can manage to do this without drifting apart, I will be especially grateful.

I am thankful for drag queens and burlesque and John Cameron Mitchell.

I am thankful for film.

I am thankful for furlough days because, frankly, I appreciate the extra time more than I do the money.

I am thankful for sewing machines and bicycles and the communities each build.

I am thankful for Erin at the San Francisco Baking Institute and her thorough and thoughtful advice for making a very big decision.

I am thankful for motivated history teachers whose excitement is contagious.

I am thankful for possibility.

I am thankful for another year with Lila. Since we lost Carter, it all feels like borrowed time. So thank you, little girl cat. You are welcome to stay as long as you like.