that.dork.jordan

How to use a public restroom.

2010-03-12T01:20:33Z

Let’s face it, after using a public restroom, you probably want to wash your hands. That is – unless you are one of the gross people who don’t. It’s the people who don’t that cause todays topic – How to use a public restroom properly.

You might not thing that this is something that people need more education on, but you are wrong. Public restrooms are, perhaps, some of the most annoying places on earth. I aim (pun!) to enlighten at least a few people in my new quest to make it a little less… nasty.

Upon entering the bathroom, find a stall that is not immediately next to one that is occupied, if at all possible. If there are 10 urinals, for example, why are you peeing right next to me? Actually, I know the answer to that question so please don’t answer it. This goes for the sit downs too. I don’t need to hear your poop. Thanks.
Don’t talk to me! Save the chatter for outside the restroom. Unless there is toilet paper stuck to my shoe, please remain quiet.
Wash your hands – with soap! I seriously don’t know what planet people come from where they teach their kids to slop up their hands and then get it wet but if you aren’t using soap you may as well just skip the whole process. The exception here is if there is nothing to dry your hands on…
Dry your hands! What’s more gross than grabbing the handle on the bathroom door to find it wet with some strangers ghost? NOTHING!

Finally, what inspired this whole rant is a rather curious practice. Most bathrooms have one of these:

They’re wonderful, but what do you do when you get to the door? You just cleaned up and now you have to touch a potentially very nasty door. Oh, look how handy, they’ve placed a bin right next to the door so you can open the door with a piece of paper towel and then toss it out! Except they usually look like this:

Well what the hell is the point of that? Trading one dirty touch for another? BAH.

BONUS!

Cottonelle’s survey of America found that over is by far the preferred way to roll your toilet paper! Finally, something that makes sense For all the reasons why over is the right way, check out Current Config.

So now that I’ve vented and shared all of my bathroom pet peeves with you, share yours in the comments!

Drunken Voicemail

2010-02-04T04:25:06Z

I have the most incredible friends in the world. They even call me when they think of me at 2:20am! This is one of the more amusing voicemail messages I’ve ever received. Kudos to Google Voice for even attempting to transcribe this dish.

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]

:(

2010-02-04T04:17:42Z

I always forget to buy milk when I get Oreos. I actually just wondered if it is acceptable to have red wine as a substitute. Fear not, I decided the answer was “no.”

Oh hai

2010-01-29T08:28:58Z

Dear future Mr. Boov,

Thank you for posing for this picture.

Lady Gaga Wallpaper

2010-01-25T01:44:16Z

Made by yours truly. Seriously, this was difficult to do with a touchpad. Click for the 1900×1200 version

What’s the point of livin’ if you don’t wanna dance?

2010-01-17T10:00:59Z

Getting off Google

2010-01-05T17:46:15Z

Being a former Googler, one question I get asked a lot by my friends is “How can I get a page about me removed from Google?”

Almost always, my response is “don’t get published”.

Seriously. Google will make available any content that they know how to get to. “They” being the Googlebot, a tool that Google uses to find pages on the internet and make those pages available as a result when you search. So if you don’t want to be on Google, then simply don’t affect the world in a way that you would be notable at all.

Now that’s a sad lifestyle, when you really think about it. You should be happy to be in Google’s index! But if something about you is published, and that information makes its way online, and you really don’t want it to be there, you do have hope. You just have to get that information removed or have the author block Google from indexing that page. If you are nice enough about it, most webmasters will at least remove your name from the page(s) in question. Then give it a few weeks for Google to re-index the page and you’ll be fine.

That boy is a…

2010-01-02T23:01:34Z

NOM NOM NOM NOM!

2009-12-24T00:11:36Z

Very BRIGHT Junior Boys music video

2009-12-21T04:16:02Z

I love the neon, and the dancing, and the song.