The issue with interest-only mortgages is, of course, that at the end of the term you still owe the money you borrowed, though it will by then have been devalued by inflation. FCA sleuths have discovered that zillions of uncovered interest-only mortgages could be out there and come home to roost in the next decade or so. Council of Mortgage Lenders director-general Paul Smee has already been on TV reassuring viewers that lenders will be reasonable with those unable to pay on the nail, adding that the CML has been on the case since 2010.

Repossessions would be the absolute last resort and politicians are looking nervous about the flak that could come their way. The stable door is going to be closed in April 2014, apparently. Thereafter, presumably, borrowers will need to have a definite plan in place for eventual repayment of any permissible interest-only mortgage. That’s a novel idea; or is it? Surely these used to be called endowment mortgages until someone panicked about projected shortfalls and gave people the perfect excuse to cash in their with-profits policies – for very little because they’d not had much time to accrue bonuses – so turning a manageable shortfall into an unbridgeable gulf.

As ever, there will be a blame game. Some borrowers will claim they weren’t told their monthly mortgage payments hadn’t included any capital; but many may have to admit that they decided not to worry about a problem that was many years away and could thus take care of itself, so they used the money for something more enjoyable. The recent publicity, and the CML’s proposal that those whose interest-only mortgages are repayable in the next few years will be contacted to urge them to consider their repayment plan, should help focus some borrowers’ minds. ISA savings or, dependent on timing, the pension commencement lump sum could prove useful in some cases.

At Dairy Crest Group plc, they have just agreed to put 44 million pounds into their fund. We’re not talking pounds sterling here, but pounds of cheese; 20 million kilograms if you prefer to think metric, street value some £60 million. Yes, it has emerged that the pension scheme is to be shored up with a mountain of cheddar cheese going through the 12-month maturation process at a Midlands warehouse following manufacture in the West Country. By pledging its rotating cheddar stocks to the scheme, the company can release the value of its work in progress to boost the pension fund.

This all sounds a bit like having your cheese and eating it, something we’re told can’t happen, with cake at least. Well, in a way, it is. For instance, some companies’ pension schemes own their factory, offices, retail premises or – in the case of Whitbread – Premier Inn hotel sites. These arrangements mean that, by spending an amount of money once, companies get the double benefit of a usable asset and a means of underpinning the pension fund.

Sometimes, an overwhelming deficit threatens to bring a company down and an even more radical solution is needed. Another dairy business, Uniq plc was weighed down with pension liabilities to retired Unigate milk roundsmen. Its solution has involved the pension scheme holding a majority stake in the company itself and, following involvement of the Pensions Regulator and PPF, the chairman of its pension trustees last year announced: “Although the pension scheme is still in deficit and members will not receive their full benefits, the success of the deficit-for-equity swap and insurance buy-in ensures that benefits for members will be at least equal to those under the PPF, with the possibility of a small top-up above that level.”

If you thought the dairy industry was run by simple country folk, think again!

Ordinary supermarkets aren’t doing as well as money supermarkets. Tesco has taken a big hit from its unfortunate foray into the United States. The Fresh & Easy venture launched in 2007 has delivered huge operating losses and is now up for sale. It’s also tough on the home front, as the growth in supermarket numbers is stalling. Saturation point is approaching more rapidly because of increased online shopping for groceries, so Tesco does not now expect to develop around 100 sites in its land bank.

Sainsburys is also affected by the issues confronting the major supermarkets, which are now creating more small outlets at vacated Blockbuster stores and other town centre sites. It is planning administrative cutbacks and efficiencies that include disposal of its flagship Holborn headquarters, with dispersal of functions like HR, IT and property management to offices in the Midlands and North West. The London Evening Standard has also reported a two-month consultation on the future of Sainsburys’ final salary pension scheme.

If the supermarkets end up with hundreds of undeveloped out-of-town sites on their hands, we’ll have to hope they won’t be offering us small parcels of land at the checkout, in the style of those land-banking companies that mail out detailed maps of plots we should buy in the expectation that future planning permission will multiply the value. The new Financial Conduct Authority has already arranged for the operators of one such scheme to have their collars felt.

When things get tough financially, there’s always one safe haven you can rely on, gold. Well, no, actually. The precious metal’s ascent in the wake of the global economic crisis seems to have halted for now, with the value falling 15%, from about $1,600 to $1,350 an ounce, one week earlier this month. That’s about as good as a bank account in Cyprus, where the decision to sell the family silver (gold reserves, in fact) added heat to the precious metal meltdown.

Last November, we blogged: “The ONS explained that annual inflation as measured by the Consumer Prices Index had bounced from 2.2% in September to 2.7% in October for reasons that included the downsizing of various confectionery products. Well done ONS for not taking chocolate bar prices at face value. Now let’s look at breakfast cereal, The reduction in Special K Chocolate & Strawberry packs from 375g to 320g was a blow to many breakfast tables. The missing 55g represented a reasonable bowlful.”

Much more recently, the national press picked up this cheeseparing theme and the Daily Telegraph money pages ran a story under the headline ‘Size does matter, after all’. This ran through a whole list of supermarket products – as diverse as tikka masala sauce, caramel shortcakes and anti-bacterial wipes – that now have reduced contents. With some products, it may not matter, as you can use less and maybe cut waste. Remember what mustard magnate Jeremiah Colman used to say: that his company’s profits came from the mustard people left on the side of their plate.

Now we move swiftly on from involuntary reductions in consumption to voluntary reductions in consumption – of traditional Blue Stilton cheese. UK sales have fallen off a cliff steeper than that cheese-rolling hill in Gloucestershire, causing consternation in cheesy East Midlands villages like Long Clawson and Cropwell Bishop. It seems that Britain’s younger generations don’t fancy eating mould, not even the friendly kind. However, producers say Stilton won’t go the way of its extinct upstart cousin Lymeswold (1982-92) because export demand is booming, but they do warn that Stilton availability in the UK could dry up. The Co-op has even launched a Save Our Stilton SOS campaign. This all has the pungent whiff of Heinz’s famous ‘buy it while you can’ wheeze to boost flagging sales of its salad cream in 1999.

The following was among the first public statements of FCA chairman John Griffith-Jones, former UK senior partner at global accountants KPMG: “The creation of a new financial regulator is a once in a generation event and the regulatory objectives set out for the FCA by Parliament demand a wide skill set. Therefore, I am especially pleased with the range and depth of experience of our new Board, as we embark on the FCA journey.” On reading this, some financial advisers may be wondering how many years there are in a regulatory generation. The FCA could actually be the fourth regulator they’ve had in barely one regular generation.

After the Financial Services Act 1986 created the Securities and Investments Board to oversee financial regulation, self-regulatory organisations such as FIMBRA, LAUTRO, IMRO and TSA (later SFA) supervised their members. Most IFAs were regulated by FIMBRA, although a handful opted for direct regulation by SIB. This set-up was not deemed satisfactory so, in 1994, FIMBRA, LAUTRO and elements of the other two were merged to create a new super-SRO, the Personal Investment Authority.

The self-regulation model was ditched a few years later, in 2001, when PIA and SIB handed their responsibilities to the new FSA. We figure that five new financial regulators – SIB, PIA, FSA, FCA and PRA – in 27 years doesn’t really square with ‘once in a generation’. The statement was surely just a minor PR gaffe by a new organisation, rather than a measure of the collective memory of the FCA or a sinister attempt to alter the history of regulation. Firms paying regulatory fees towards the FCA’s initial annual funding requirement of £432.1m, revealed on Wednesday, will be hoping so anyway.

A recent Direct Line adjudication followed a single complaint about an ad featuring people opening umbrellas, with this voiceover: “Last year we helped 17,346 people swap wellies back to slippers when their house flooded and helped find alternative accommodation for those who needed it.” The complainant thought the ad misleading because she believed Direct Line wouldn’t insure properties that had flooded in the past ten years. ASA upheld the complaint on the basis that, following widespread UK flooding, consumers might reasonably have assumed the ad referred to 17,346 serious flood claims, whereas most actually involved escape of water. Also, the ad seemed to suggest a welcoming attitude to new customers at high risk of flooding. ASA ruled it should not reappear.

Admiral Group was the subject of a single complaint adjudicated by ASA in February. One of its TV ads for multicar insurance depicted three cartoon vehicles, one of them looking like a military jeep. The complainant had said this was misleading, as he hadn’t been able to insure his Land Rover because Admiral did not class it as a car. Admiral claimed that it did insure various Land Rover models and other 4×4 vehicles, but ASA said the ad should not reappear because Admiral had been unable to document that it insures such vehicles under a multicar policy.

Also in February, ASA adjudicated on a BUPA advert. Two complainants were unhappy about the TV ad beginning: “I’m Sue. I’d had skin cancer but it came back. Fortunately, BUPA were still there; eight operations and they covered everything.” The closing voiceover added: “With no financial limits, BUPA cancer cover is always there for you.” Two viewers, aware that limits did apply if you didn’t use a BUPA fee-assured consultant, challenged the ‘no financial limits’ claim. ASA concluded that, since the ad did not make any claims regarding patient choice of consultant and that terms and conditions clearly applied, the ad was not misleading. So, 2-1 to the complainants!

Seaside piers must be among the most at-risk structures in Britain. Many date back to Victorian times and stand on wooden piles that cannot last for ever. They are exposed to vicious storms, angry waves and the corrosive effects of salt water. Last month, Swanage Pier in Dorset sustained storm damage; an appeal was launched, suggesting lack of cover. Then there are man-made threats. In 2012 Southend Pier was struck by a fishing boat, the previous year by a barge. As for fires, if a pier catches light at night, it may be well ablaze before fire-fighters arrive unless fire detectors activate quickly.

It is a brave, specialist insurer that offers all-risks cover on a seaside pier. Southend Pier in Essex, extending over a mile into the Thames Estuary, has had four major fires in the past 60 years. In 1959, a huge blaze engulfed the wooden pavilion at the shore end; it was replaced with the Pavilion Lanes bowling alley. The next fire was in 1976, when pier-head leisure facilities suffered serious damage. In 1995, the bowling alley burned down and, ten years later, a fourth fire destroyed various eateries and the iconic pier railway terminus. Borough council consultations with pier insurance loss adjusters indicate cover was in place; fire protection systems have since been upgraded.

Around the coast, other piers have been hit. In 1995 an electrical fault ignited Brighton’s Palace Pier, which had another blaze in 2003. That same year, a massive fire at Brighton’s West Pier destroyed a concert hall and left a mass of tangled metal. The previous year, Hunstanton Pier in Norfolk had suffered a £1.5-million fire in its entrance building. In 2008, the pier at Weston-super-Mare in Somerset was hit by a major night-time fire blamed on deep-fat fryers and a delayed alarm system response. It was believed to have been insured at a six-figure annual premium and reopened in 2010 after £51 million expenditure.

One of Britain’s best-known chocolatiers, based in Derbyshire and trading for over a century, is Thorntons. Don’t take this as a share buy or sell recommendation, but Thorntons can only be described as a highly successful company. It has a big manufacturing operation, also outsources production to other confectioners and operates over 300 shops, some of which are also cafés. So, it may seem odd that Thorntons is engaged in a programme of store closures that saw 36 shops axed in 2012; at least as many will go this year.

Clearly, Thorntons is suffering with the rest of the high street, yet recently announced half-year profits were some 70% higher than a year earlier. The conclusion must be that, although UK chocolate sales are impressive, specialist stores are not always the most effective way to reach the mass market. With Thorntons chocolates selling well at discounted prices in so many supermarkets, the company may have devalued the brand’s upmarket image and undermined its own shop sales. It’s hard to be both a luxury brand and an everyday product.

Enter the young pretender, Hotel Chocolat, founded just ten years ago. Positioning itself unashamedly at the top end of the chocolate market, Hotel Chocolat is adding ten stores a year to its tally of sixty-odd. It doesn’t aim to be on every high street, just in places with the right affluent footfall. Yes, it does also have an internet presence, doing well in the personal and corporate gift arenas. Its products have to be outstanding and, when it does sell through other stores, it works with John Lewis. Other smart strategies include buying a cocoa plantation on St Lucia and developing overseas outlets very selectively.

In a chocolate market dominated by the likes of Mars, Kraft (Cadbury) and Nestlé (which has the taste for a Kraft-like move on Lindt), Hotel Chocolat looks for now like the goose that laid the golden Easter egg.

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time. We were in a new millennium so, when an advertising bright spark came up with the idea of trying to display ‘fcuk’ across the chests and backsides of everyone with a rebellious streak, the French Connection management bought into the plan. Sure enough, the wheeze paid off and grannies everywhere were being duly shocked. Sales were impressive, but quite soon many of the brand’s established fans decided that a French Connection store wasn’t somewhere they wanted to be. Meanwhile, the fcuk brigade found other fads.

The extent of the damage became apparent by 2005 as sales ‘went into freefall’, and the following year French Connection’s marketing director resigned. In July 2006, the Financial Times reported that the once ubiquitous fcuk logo had been abandoned, whilst profits had halved to about £16m. Its shares were standing at 188p. Retail analysts reportedly recognised that the ill-advised branding had been a major contributor to the performance slump, though other factors such as unfashionable design played a part. Last year’s ‘must have’ became this year’s ‘don’t want’.

Fast-forward seven years and French Connection management is grappling with persistent losses. It has consigned the fcuk disaster to history, blaming current results on tough times for working people. Inventory levels, efficiency and pricing factors were also thrown into the mix of factors denting performance. A cash pile from the good times has enabled the company to weather the storm and it has set a two-year target for a return to profitability. By then it will be quite a few years since the fcuk mud stuck. We saw the shares were recently at 27p; but this is just an observation, not a recovery share tip!

Clearly, the unusual ownership structure has contributed to its success, helping to recruit committed, reliable staff – tens of thousands qualifying as partners. They help make each carefully located John Lewis store into its own little world, where core customers feel comfortable and find good coffee or a healthy lunch in agreeable surroundings between forays into footwear, kitchenware and home furnishings. At the same time, the long-running ‘never knowingly undersold’ slogan seems to guarantee they won’t be ripped-off.

There’s a fortuitous contradiction in the John Lewis persona. Its stores and supermarkets appeal to the better-off, yet the employee ownership set-up isn’t unlike a socialist workers’ co-operative. Thus its appeal traverses the political spectrum, with praise from one side for rewarding loyalty and endeavour, and from the other for empowering the workforce. So, everyone has a reason to love the John Lewis model, right? Well, maybe not fund managers, who would surely be clambering over one another for a nice slug of John Lewis equity if only they could; or competitors affected by offers of John Lewis financial services, insurance and savings bonds.

In some ways, the John Lewis ownership structure is illusory, as the partners’ interests are held in trust and they cannot cash them in or sell them on. The tangible benefits of ownership are not significantly different from any employee profit-sharing scheme based on individual pay and corporate performance. So, sheer pride of ‘ownership’ must be a factor; though it would be interesting to know how many staff would sell their stakes and make those fund managers happy if it were ever made possible to do so. Past rumblings about such a scenario, which would kill the employee-owned ethos, seem to have faded. Success of the brand, now boosted by Middle England’s love of online shopping, should keep partnership status intact for a while yet.